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I Don't Know If This Is Abuse

Question:

is it ok for your man to always put you down ? it dont matter where we are or hows around. he always say i would be no where with out him . i never do any thing right even if he tell me to do it that way. he says it just me .

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

I don’t know your story, but I’d say that no it is not okay for your man to always put you down.  That sounds like verbal abuse to me.  That sounds like a rather unhappy and one-sided relationship that isn’t working out for you. 

 Me personally, I’d not put up with constant criticisms.  I’d be making it clear to my partner that it was not acceptable to be always finding fault with me.  If I loved this guy and wanted to do everything I could to make the relationship work, I’d probably see about getting us into couples counseling.  If the relationship was more casual, and I was not so invested in it, I’d probably just break up with such a man after a while if he didn’t get his act together.  That’s me.  I’m a relatively independent sort, without children and I have the means to support myself.  I’m not needing a man in my life to keep a roof over my head or food in my belly.  Not everyone has this sort of luxury to leave easily, I know.  And some women do have this luxury, but they are afraid to leave for their own reasons.  Some are afraid that this sort of abuse you describe (which is light as abuse goes, but still very much abuse and designed to wear you down) is the best man they’ll ever get.  

What is it about this relationship that is keeping you "not knowing" about whether it is good or bad for you.  You would not be writing if you didn’t suspect at some level that you’re getting a raw deal.  What sorts of fears do you have that would keep you with a man who makes you feel awful all the time?  If you can describe those fears, maybe I and other commenters can help you work through them.  Please add a comment to this post giving futher details about your situation and why you stay with it.  

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