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I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We were very happy for most of the time, but he sometimes turns very jealous and irrational. He thinks I might be cheating when taking care of my sick father at the hospital. But the next day, he trusts me with his social security number! A usual situation is, we wake up after a good nights rest, happy and smiling. We didn’t do anything stressful the night before and both have the day off. I ask if he’d like to go to brunch and he cheerfully replies, “yes baby.” The next week the situation could be EXACTLY the same but his reply now is, “no! I don’t wanna go to brunch, I can’t screw around all day, I’m not made of money.”

We don’t fight over finances, we both make a lot and we split everything. We don’t often go out. 

I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell when hes going to lose it and I’m not sure if he has MPD or is Bipolar, or what. I love him but he almost turns into another person sometimes and I hate that guy.

He also takes Bupropion but is convinced he doesn’t need to and that seems to be when the outbursts occur. Please help me help him. I don’t want this to destroy him even though it has mostly destroyed us.

Thank you.

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I am very concerned when you write that your boyfriend’s out bursts have mostly destroyed your relationship. This is only a one year relationship and I cannot help but have the opinion that you would probably be better off ending the relationship and moving on with your life. Why do I have this opinion?

First, the fact that he has the sudden and unpredictable outburst could be a warning sign that he could become abusive towards you in the future. If you stay with him and he becomes abusive you will be in for more grief than you deserve.

Second, while it is true that there is a connection between depression and anger, it is also true that some people have what is referred to as a “rage disorder.” That means that they “lose it,” as you report about him and lose all self control. This possibility also brings us into the area of potential abuse.

That he experiences depression is signified by the medication he takes. Its common name if Welbutrin and its for depression. He reports that he does not need it. Perhaps, its the wrong medication and he needs a change of anti depressant?

However, medication is never the full answer. The fact is that he should be getting treatment for his depression and his anger by going to psychotherapy with a clinical psychologist or clinical social worker.

If he is willing to see his psychiatrist for medication evaluation and he is willing to go to psychotherapy, then, there may be hope for this relationship. However, if he refuses you may have no choice but to leave him.

I have always reminded my clients in the past that, “what you see is what you get.” In other words, a relationship does not mean you can change the other person into the person you want him to be.

Best of Luck

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