Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Ad Info & Options

Help!

Question:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We were very happy for most of the time, but he sometimes turns very jealous and irrational. He thinks I might be cheating when taking care of my sick father at the hospital. But the next day, he trusts me with his social security number! A usual situation is, we wake up after a good nights rest, happy and smiling. We didn’t do anything stressful the night before and both have the day off. I ask if he’d like to go to brunch and he cheerfully replies, “yes baby.” The next week the situation could be EXACTLY the same but his reply now is, “no! I don’t wanna go to brunch, I can’t screw around all day, I’m not made of money.”

We don’t fight over finances, we both make a lot and we split everything. We don’t often go out. 

I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell when hes going to lose it and I’m not sure if he has MPD or is Bipolar, or what. I love him but he almost turns into another person sometimes and I hate that guy.

He also takes Bupropion but is convinced he doesn’t need to and that seems to be when the outbursts occur. Please help me help him. I don’t want this to destroy him even though it has mostly destroyed us.

Thank you.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

I am very concerned when you write that your boyfriend’s out bursts have mostly destroyed your relationship. This is only a one year relationship and I cannot help but have the opinion that you would probably be better off ending the relationship and moving on with your life. Why do I have this opinion?

First, the fact that he has the sudden and unpredictable outburst could be a warning sign that he could become abusive towards you in the future. If you stay with him and he becomes abusive you will be in for more grief than you deserve.

Second, while it is true that there is a connection between depression and anger, it is also true that some people have what is referred to as a “rage disorder.” That means that they “lose it,” as you report about him and lose all self control. This possibility also brings us into the area of potential abuse.

That he experiences depression is signified by the medication he takes. Its common name if Welbutrin and its for depression. He reports that he does not need it. Perhaps, its the wrong medication and he needs a change of anti depressant?

However, medication is never the full answer. The fact is that he should be getting treatment for his depression and his anger by going to psychotherapy with a clinical psychologist or clinical social worker.

If he is willing to see his psychiatrist for medication evaluation and he is willing to go to psychotherapy, then, there may be hope for this relationship. However, if he refuses you may have no choice but to leave him.

I have always reminded my clients in the past that, “what you see is what you get.” In other words, a relationship does not mean you can change the other person into the person you want him to be.

Best of Luck

More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" View Columnists

Comments
  • Kim

    Where can I get help from if my anger is so bad that I break things and can stop myself?

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    In answer to your question, you should make an appointment with a licensed clinical psychologist or licensed clinical social worker. You need to be diagnosed to determine what may be causing these outbursts. They could be symptomatic of Bipolar Disorder, Major Depression or any number of other emotional problems. Depending on the diagnosis, psychotherapy will be important. Its also possible that you will need medication.

    Best of Luck

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand