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I Really Need Some Advice...

Question:

Hi, I am a 16 year old female, still in High School in grade 11. I have been with a girl for a year and 7 months.  It is a very abusive relationship, and it just gets out of hand. We had one breakup a couple months ago, where I just got so fed up that I had to leave her and be with somebody else for a while to make me sane.

I think that I have Manic Depression and I get irritated so often. We argue very often and I get so irritated with her, and she still doesn’t stop talking. I think I am going insane … Not in a teenager way, but really, I am afraid for the both of us. I think i need help.

When I’m away from her I am much happier. I have tried breaking up with her but I am scared that she would do something stupid.

I also have problems with my body because my heart keeps skipping beats. I get really sick out of nowhere and I am also very healthy so it doesn’t make any sense. I have been to the doctor’s office many times but he says that I am ok. I have also had blood tests and urine tests, and they have all been clear. I have also had ultra sounds on the stomach. I get sore everywhere sometimes, and I am not sure why it happens… Nobody can tell me.

The more someone bickers with me the more I want to rip my hair out. I am very irritable and it is mainly because of my partner.

Is there any way that I could get better with out leaving her again? All of this is mainly because of my partner and I don’t think it is just her. I think there is something wrong with me.

Whenever I am sad or depressed I drink and abuse substances. I am just running out of options and every adult that I have spoken to doesn’t understand the severity of my problems. My whole life also used to be pretty messed up. Messy divorces, fighting, courts, and law. So I have experienced a lot which has I’m sure affected the way that I act now.

Just please, any advice you can give to me …

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Answer:

You have been through more grief and trouble than you should have to experience at such a young age. Yes, I do agree that the turmoil you have been through is affecting how you feel and behave in the present.

To begin with, it seems to me that the physical symptoms you describe are the result of enormous amounts of anxiety and stress. I am surprised that the Doctor did not discuss this with you. When all tests are negative, as they have been with you, it becomes likely that the problems are psychological in nature, especially at such a young and healthy age as yours.

That is why it makes perfect sense to me, and in my opinion, that you get into psychotherapy with a licensed clinical social worker or licensed clinical psychologist. A good place to start is with the counseling department at school or with your MD. Perhaps you have not made it clear to your MD that you are anxious, depressed and irritable.

Do you have Bipolar Disorder? There is no way I can make a diagnosis on the Internet and that is why you need to be seen by a social worker or psychologist. In the even that you have Bipolar disorder, you would be started on medication.

It is possible that you suffer from depression. You have been through enough that it would be no surprise that you are depressed. Here, too, medication can be prescribed but, mostly, psychotherapy would be most important.

You drinking and drug abuse is also something you may need help with and your psychotherapist could help you with that. Please understand that lots of people abuse substances in the false hope that they will feel better. There is a temporary high but, after, most feel worse. It’s not a good way to deal with problems in you life and, in fact, it is not dealing at all. It just complicates things for you and makes you feel much worse in the long run.

As to your girl friend: I am very concerned because it appears that you are not good for each other. Also, the fear that she may hurt herself if you break up is not a good reason to stay together. It will only make you feel worse. If you know that she will hurt herself, you can report it to her parents, police and school counseling department. However, after that, you are not responsible for what she does, even though you care about her. So, I think you are correct that it is not just her, but, you too. That means that you are really not good for one another.

My very strong recommendation is that you go for help NOW. You are young, have the rest of your life ahead of you and, even though you have been through hard times, the present and future can be wonderful for you. Please, get help.

Best of Luck

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Comments
  • jc

    Your strange heartbeat could be a normal variation, meaning it might feel weird but it might still be considered normal. My heartbeat is a little strange too. My blood pressure is kind of low and my heartbeat is slow, so when the valves of the heart shut, they sort of bang open for a second and clap back together. It's completely harmless and normal. I do still think you should take Dr. Schwartz's advice and talk to your doctor about your stress level and how they might affect your health.

    On the other stuff, what would you tell a friend to do? Thinking ahead a little bit, with the past you've had, would you want to bring children into the environment of your relationship? I've come to learn that women have amazing instincts. It sounds to me like you should trust yours. If it doesn't feel right, it's probably not. If you choose to break up, just remember that even though it will probably be hard at first for both of you, things do get better in time. Pain really does ease after a while. Good luck.

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