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Is Divorce The Answer?

Question:

I am 30 yr old MD who had a affair with one of the nurse I met at my new job. I was married for 5 yrs unhappily but never really discussed with my wife about our problems. I was sick of her habits to cling to me and not give me space. 6 months ago she found out but at that time we had a 1.6 yr old baby and I didn’t feel I had courage to leave her. We are still together but its miserable. I want to leave her but again have fears I guess. My son is 2 yrs old and I feel impotent not being able to leave. I have told my wife to leave but she wants to make it work. Help me

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

If you treated your professional responsibilities as evasively as you treat your family responsibilities you would surely be guilty of malpractice. Help yourself and everyone around you by taking some responsibility for your situation. I’m guessing that there was no shotgun held to your head to make you marry your wife and nothing holding you to her for the years you were married prior to the birth of your child. That would have been the best time to exit if you were ultimately going to leave. Now that you are a parent you owe it to your child (if not your wife) to behave more responsibly. It is irresponsible (as well as cowardly) to have an affair. It is also irresponsible for you to be content to stay angry and distant from her while you linger in your marriage. Don’t do either of these things. Buckle down and work on your marriage. Go to a marital therapist with your wife and commit to being open to the process. Who knows? You might find that your marriage is worth saving. If it isn’t worth saving then divorce your wife fair and square and provide generously for your children.

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