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Is He Changed???

Question:

My ex left me 6 months ago after 4 years together for a woman who was a mutual friend. My question is that, during our relationship, he was very emotionally abusive. He was not abusive not first. In fact, he was a sweetheart for a while.
This was my fault, I guess, for allowing him to be abusive.

When he is with this woman he is so different, so soft and sweet. He gives her everything, speaks to her like an angel. He’s like a completely different person with her. He has given up smoking for her. I am wondering, can someone change so quickly or was it me who brought out the abuse in him?……… I’m so confused and lost.

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Answer:

It is very difficult when a relationship ends, especially after four years together. The fact that your boyfriend left you for another woman who was supposedly a friend of your’s, makes it especially distressful.

What you are going through is much  like what happens to people during and after a divorce. There are feelings of anger, loss, humiliation and depression and self doubt.  It is common for people to ask, “Is he or she doing better than I am; Is she or he happier than I am? You fear that he and his new girlfriend are happy now that he left you.

However, there is no way to know what is going on between the two of them nor is there any real need for you to know. More important to you should be the question, “what are my plans now?”

In fact, it makes sense for you to tell yourself asomes fact:

1. I am lucky to be rid of that mean and abusive man!

2. Too bad for him, he didn’t know how good he had it with me. He gave up a good thing.

3. I don’t need him because there are better men in the world and I deserve one of them.

4.You can allow yourself a vengeful thought: “They deserve each other.”

Stop torturing yourself with self doubts. Get on with your life and count yourself lucky to have gotten away from such a mean man.

Good luck

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