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Is He Seeing Someone?

Question:

My partner and I have been together for nearly 7 years. We have a 4 year old daughter together. We have had our ups and downs over the years and split up a good number of times. Six months was the longest time. Last year he begged me for another chance and said everything was different. I thought we were happy, well, I was anyway.  Three days ago he packed his stuff and left. He said that he has not been happy for ages and that he doesn’t want me any more. He said it’s because of all the hassle we’ve had and said he didn’t feel like I wanted him. I did want him and I gave everything to the relationship and put everything I had in to it. It was so out of the blue for him to go like this, all of a sudden, because there have been no arguments or anything. I really think he is seeing someone else or he wants somebody else. I have asked him but he won’t admit it. What do I do? It’s all I’m thinking about. In your experience would you say he’s seeing some one else?

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Answer:

I cannot answer your question. I have no idea whether he is seeing someone else or not. What surprises me is your reaction that his leaving ” came out of the blue.” Clearly, this has been a troubled relationship for a long time, including up until very recently. What strikes me is that neither of you did any homework to ensure that you would not breakup again. There appear to be many underlying problems and that his cheating provides an easy explanation. There is never an easy explanation for why relationships end. The two of you need help in identifying just what your problems are.

My sense is that both of you have a lot of work to do in your relationship and that you need a marriage therapist to help you with this. Neither of you seems to be able to identify and solve your relationship problems. Of course, this would require that both of you agree to go for marriage or couples therapy. If he refuses, there is not much you can do. You could remind him that, for the sake of your daughter, it makes sense to give therapy a chance.

My hope is that you will agree to seek marriage help and attempt to repair things, especially for the sake of your daughter.

Best of Lucki

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