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Is It Me Or Him?

Question:

I’m in a relationship with no affection no sex. The relationship started as friends. Later he lost his home and he moved in with me. He does not contribute to the household bills but contributes to entertainment. He makes less than I do.

Has never been very open and ignores my feelings. He never discusses our relationship.

I am falling deeper into a depression as I feel I can’t survive without love. I don’t know how to approach this situation. Is it him or is it me?

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Answer:

In a failed relationship, everyone has some responsibility for what goes wrong. In your situation it is unclear what you might have contributed to the way things are. Evidently, he moved in because he lost his home. Did that mean he did not love you but just wanted a place to stay? Does he feel a sense of shame for having lost his home? These and more are questions that you need to ask yourself or that you already have the answers to.

Aside from the questions above, it is a well known fact that relationships are difficult. One of the things that makes them difficult is the fact that people have no way to discuss problems and air grievances. Assuming that you have not already discussed these problems with him, it’s important that you sit him down and make clear to him the reasons why you are frustrated and angry. As part of this it’s important that you let him know that he must start paying his share and contributing to the household.

In the end, if he continues to refuse to discuss your relationship and ignore your feelings, it’s time to move on. Everyone wants love. Why stay with a man who refuses to love you and nurture your relationship together? Depression often stems from feelings of helplessness. You are not helpless. Letting him know, in clear terms, that he will have to leave unless things improve is a way to overcome helplessness. If that does no good, then order him out.

After all, why stay with someone who does not give you love, affection and sex?

Best of luck

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