Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Who Answers?

Is Something Wrong With Me? (sexual Question)

Question:

hey,I am a girl from Norway ( 25 years) and I have a problem! I don’t like oral and anal sex, but as you understand all the boys like it!!! So every time I had a boyfriend,we had big problems, because they wanted these things but not I.So they didn’t want to be with me any more and found new girlfriends….I am so sad…is something wrong with me because I don’t like these forms of sex??? I just want to find a boyfriend who really loves me and accepts me like I am, but I can’t …Cannot boys be satisfied with just normal sex ???….help!!!…thank you

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
  • ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

There isn’t anything wrong with you at all. In fact, there is a lot right with you. You understand what you want and what you like, and you are defending those likes in the face of pretty substantial social pressure to conform to what other people want. This is hard to do, and sometimes you end up paying a price for it (your present sadness is such a price). But better that you feel sad becuase you stood up for yourself and your values then that you feel sad becuase you compromised your values and started doing things that you don’t want or desire just to please someone else. You are displaying healthy assertive behavior; what many therapists try to teach the people who come to see them who are sad becuase they did compromise themselves.

You are quite right to hold out for a boy who will love you for the person you are as well as the sexual relationship you can share. These boys who have rejected you have made it quite clear that their interest in you was as a sexual object, no more and no less. They could not see you as a person, and so it is the right thing for you to do to reject them (or stand up to their demands and let them reject you – it doesn’t make a difference really). Hold out for someone who is kind; who likes you as a person as well as a lover; someone you really enjoy being with. Such boys are out there, believe me, although they are not so aggressive as your other lovers seem to have been. You might even need to go searching for them, as some of them are quite shy. When you find a good one (and I think you will), you will be glad you stuck to your principles, and much happier than if you had compromised yourself.

More "Ask Anne" View Columnists

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 Who Answers? 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand