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Jb Writes:

Question:

I am an incest survivor. As a child, I realized my dad was molesting my male friends. I believe I am totally asexual. I have no sexual feelings for either sex. I can masturbate to orgasm, but I cannot orgasm with a partner. I have been in therapy for 4 years. It has helped me a lot, but I have yet to recover my sexuality. Any advice? I am rather frustrated.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
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  • No correspondence takes place.
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  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

First of all, I would like to congratulate you on having the good sense to seek therapy. If you haven’t already, ask your therapist for a referral to someone experienced in sex therapy. Work on sex therapy in addition to your normal therapy. A therapist specializing in human sexuality will be more likely to help you with this specific problem. Also keep in mind that sexual gratification has a lot to do with your partner. Sometimes the emotional aspect can be more important than the physical. Research shows that as many as 50% of all women experience arousal difficulties at some point in their lives. Keep the lines of communication open. Identify your needs to your partner. Good luck to you, – Anne

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