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Liar

Question:

My husband of 10 years lies all of the time about little things. This time, I found out, through his sister, that he never lived on the water on Lake Washington. Instead, he lived in the opposite part of town. What the heck, why would someone lie about something so easy?

He is hard hard hard to live with. NEVER can I bring up anything personal between us. He calls me every name in the book. Then, he turns around and calls me crazy.

I want to run, but financially, it is to my benefit to stay. If I stay, he will ruin me to nothing. But I am smarter than that. It is who is better at this game I am in. So sad. What do I do?

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Answer:

It is possible that your husband is what is referred to as a “pathological liar.” The term is not mean to be used in a derogatory way. It is simply a definition of one type of lying. The term, pathological liar, fits into a psychiatric category know as personality disorder.

Personality disorders are characterized by repeated, habitual patterns of behavior that the individual may or may not be aware that they are doing. Pathological lying fits into a personality disorder called, antisocial personality. Here, lying is compulsive in nature so that the person has little or not control over it. In fact, there is often little or no reason for any of the lies. From your description, this is what your husband may have.

However, be aware that there is no way a diagnosis can be done via E.Mail. All I can do is provide you with some information. However, I do not know your husband and, therefore, have know way of knowing what is true about him.

You report that he is hard to live with and that he calls you names. That seems to be a good example of verbal abuse and that is just as harmful as physical abuse. This is why the notion of separation and divorce comes to mind.

You report that you are financially better off not “running away.” First, ending a marriage that is marred by lies and verbal abuse, is not running away. Rather, it’s a way of ending unhappiness so that, when you are ready, you can start a new and happier life.

Then, too, you need to ask yourself which choice costs more, to stay with him or leave? Only you can make that decision. You admit that, if you stay, he will ruin you to nothing and that seems to be a powerful reason to leave this marriage. At the same time, marriage is not a game and neither are his lies and verbal abuses. This is not a competition.

So, with the information and opinions stated here, what do you think you may want to do? To repeat, only you can decide.

Good Luck

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