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Lonely

Question:

I have never had any luck with women; I’m 17 and I’ve NEVER had a girlfriend. Justly, my self-esteem is dragging the ground all the time. I am depressed, neurotic, and in need of your help. I may only be 17, but trust me, it has felt like a much longer time than that. I take Paxil for the depression, and I’ve talked to psychiatrists, but they don’t help. I’m still lonely, but don’t think I’m only trying to get a girl for sex. I’m of a different breed of adolescent; a breed that will take sex if it is offered, but will not date only for that reason. Companionship has something to be said for it, too. I’m 6’8″ and 320 lbs., but the height makes me only have a gut. Maybe that is why the chicks don’t dig me…maybe not. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
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Answer:

Believe it or not, many people your age feel like you do: They want to meet people, but because of uncertainties about themselves and others, they either don’t make the attempt, or when they do, they’re too distracted to really act like themselves. Low self-esteem is also a problem that many face, and it can be very difficult to overcome. I suggest trying to not base your self-esteem on things that happen in your life such as whether or not you have a girlfriend. Rather, focus on your good qualities, for example, the respect for others that causes you to look for companionship rather than sex. It is important for you to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with other people, and you’ll find that once you are, they will be comfortable with you. Don’t be too hard on yourself just because you haven’t found someone to be intimate with. There is no deadline when it comes to dating, and there is no way to force a relationship to happen. The best advice I can give is to be patient. Concentrate on liking others rather than getting them to like you. Recognize their good qualities and accept the bad ones, and sooner or later someone will reciprocate. This will require quite a bit of patience on your part, but there is no way to just go out and get a girlfriend. Best of luck, – Anne

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