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Lonesome

Question:

I ended a 3 year relationship in March of this year. I have been on antidepressants and in therapy. I still feel quite depressed. I have met people, but they turn out flakey. They don’t call or cancel dates which just perpetuates the depression. I don’t look forward to the evenings or weekends because I feel so alone. I feel when I reach out to people there is this big risk of getting hurt all over again. I don’t feel suicidal, just really down. I have started to read Mars & Venus, but that reminds me of just how hopeless relationships can be, and I’m only 32. I have decided not to contact my ex because that gets me down as well. I tried to be friends, but I need more time to heal. It does bother me though that he doesn’t feel affected by this in the least. In fact when I told him I was moving out, his response was well you gotta do what you gotta do. He seems fine with everything which really hurts. So, I know just get on and stay busy right? Well there are only so many times I can exercise and go shopping. I don’t have many friends as it is either. And the ones I do have are caught up with their mates.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

Since talking to your ex is upsetting to you, I suggest that you refrain from doing so. Some people take longer to heal than others, and it sounds as though you and your ex are at different points in the healing process. I can see how upsetting his lack of empathy is to you! You have the right idea…staying busy is a good thing. Maybe you can use this time to start up a new hobby, especially one that will allow you to meet new people. You say that you exercise…do you belong to a health club – many people say that going to the gym is a great way to meet others. Have you confided in any of your friends and told them how down you’re feeling? I’m sure they’d be willing to take some time out for you! Remember, another great way to meet people is through friends. Don’t be discouraged just because you’ve met a few inconsiderate individuals. Everyone has dates canceled on them! Don’t take it personally! If you feel yourself craving companionship, why not check out some online chat rooms or message boards…? You’ll be surprised to know how many others feel the same as you! Best of luck, – Anne

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