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Lost Trust

Question:

I recently found out that my wife had an affair with my friend a little over a year ago. It happened during a bad time in our marriage and I was drinking excessively. I have since gotten help for my alcoholism and haven’t had a drink in over 6 months. She says the affair didn’t last long and its been over for a long time. She says she really wants to work on our marriage but I am so hurt, I don’t know how to get through this. We do have a son, age 8, together. How can I ever trust her?

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

As you said – it was a bad time in your marriage. You escaped into the bottle and she escaped into another man. But you are both back now and have much to gain from trying to make proper repairs. Trust isn’t something you can force or produce on demand, so don’t make your regaining trust in your wife a precondition of trying to work out your difficulties with her. Rather, accept her statement of wanting to work it out with you at face value and meet her in the middle with the same attitude. Over time, if she remains faithful and you remain sober than you will probably begin to trust her again. Ask her to go to a marriage counselor with you as soon as you can so that you both will have some help in working things out.

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