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Lust Or Love?

Question:

Hi Dr. Schwartz,

I have been dating this guy for over 6 months now; he has recently relocated to another city for work purposes. Ever since he has gone, we have less communication and, sometimes, he just doesn’t reply to my texts or emails.

We started out together knowing that he has a girlfriend, but he would tell me how much he wanted to separate from her. Every now and then he will come back for a visit and when he sees me he is really happy and appreciates my company. We have great time together, but whenever he is gone, he is out of reach and I am unable to tap into his mind and his world at all.

At times he shows great concern for my wellbeing and everything that’s happening around me. However, other times  he just doesn’t care.

What does this guy really want? Am I dating a guy with bipolar disorder? I am obsessed with him and have tried to stop contacting him, but when he calls me to go out again, I find it hard to refuse. Every time we separate again, he is really cold towards me. Then, I will get depressed, physically fatigued and unable to concentrate at work.

What can I do to this relationship? Why is he unable show affection towards me on a consistent basis?

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

In my opinion, you are asking all the wrong questions. You are asking what he really wants from this relationship and why he is unable to show affection. Because none of us are mind readers none of us, including you, can answer these questions, nor should we try. So, what are the right questions for you to ask?

The questions you need to ask are of yourself. What do you want? Why stay with a guy who is unable to consistently show affection? Why wait around for a guy who does not respond to your texts BS emails? In fact, why get into a relationship with a guy who has a girlfriend?

All of this is another way of telling you that you can take control of the situation. Do that by concentrating on you and your preferences.

There is no shortage of available men with whom you can live a full and happy life without you feeling abandoned and confused.


Best of Luck

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