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Marraige Life Of My Parents


Hello Sir,

Well,  I’m sad and I would like to ask you a question. My age is 20 years old and my parents had a love marraige. I’m really fedup that my mom keeps on accusing my dad that he has a relationship with another woman. This is not proven.

I notice that my mom is thinking too much because she tells me her ideas that my dad is having prostitutes.

Well, I’m usually with my dad and never noticed any of this. 

I thought you might help me because I’m really tired of their fighting like this for 20 years since my birth. 

Now my mom says she needs divorce which I’m against of it .

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The title of your E.Mail question, “marriage life of my parents,” hold the answer to the dilemma you describe. Let me explain:

From what you describe, your mother places you in the middle of the problems she has with your father. That is not a place where you belong. This problem has to do with their married life and not with your life, not any longer. As a young person who is now 20 years old, you must begin to take your place in the world, separate and apart from your mother and father.

What I mean is that all families need boundaries. Parents should never get their children involved in their problems. However, your mother is seemingly not aware of this and so she continues to speak to you about her marriage to your dad. This must stop. If she won’t stop, you can tell her to stop by letting her know, nicely (no loud voices or arguing) that you do not want to hear about it.

Frankly, if she wants a divorce that is between them and has nothing to do with you at this point in your life.

For your part, it is important that you start planning a career (perhaps you have started). It is also time for you to work, unless you are in college, so that you can find an apartment for yourself or with roommates. It is healthy for you to put some distance between you and your father and mother.

I understand what you mean when you report that you are tired of their twenty year argument. That is another reason for you to become autonomous.

Live your life and no longer permit them to snag you in the middle of their problems. Please know that it is right and appropriate for you to draw these boundaries between you and them.

Best of Luck

More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" View Columnists

  • Rajesh

    Dear Doctor,

    Your answer may be very practical in the west. But I think you should also consider the cultural aspect of the situation. For instance if that guy is from India he can't just leave his parents. He has to do something to make peace.


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