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Marriage Problems

Question:

I have been married to a man 14 years younger than me for 9 years. We are now have a lot of money problems and a lot fighting. I seem to get more and more depressed every day. We have a wonderful eight year old boy. What can I do? I feel real messed up and unsure as were to for help. I have trouble trusting people. I just know things are not getting better.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

Couples argue more over money than any other single issue (with the possible exception of sex). Your marriage and depression problems haven’t gotten better over time. It stands to reason that if you don’t do something differently than you have done in the past, things won’t get better in the future, either. I suggest a three or six month course of marriage counseling for both of you (or individual psychotherapy for you if your husband won’t cooperate). I also think you should go to the library and check out some books on fixing troubled marriages. Psychologist John Gottman has written a bunch of good ones. I know you say you have money problems and you’ll probably say you can’t afford counseling – but counseling isn’t that expensive, and it really might help alleviate your difficulties. That would be an outcome worth its weight in gold, I’ll bet.

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