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Marriage Trouble

Question:

My marriage is in serious trouble. My husband has said that if we are still having the same problems in 6 months, he will file for divorce. One major problem is my selfishness. I am extremely protective with my money. We split the bills 50/50. I have issues from childhood where my father did not re-pay loans and sold my belongings , keeping the money for himself. I understand this is probably a contributor. But I am almost 30, not 18. My marriage will end if I don’t work this out. My husband says I treat him like a stranger and that I treat my friends better than him. What’s wrong with me? My husband deserves better than this.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

This is not a problem of selfishness, but rather one of adaptation. When you were a child dealing with the stress and betrayal of a parent who defaulted on loans and sold your stuff you needed to develop a way to hold yourself together. Now that you are an adult, the same behavior that helped you get by when you were young is now hurting you by making it difficult for you to trust the man you married (assuming as I am that he has not given you reason to doubt his trustworthiness). The thing that has to happen is for you to begin to learn how to adapt to the new circumstance (of being a married adult and not a helpless child). Invite your husband to attend marital therapy with you and set a mutual goal of helping you to make this needed change happen. This may be an issue you carry from your childhood, but it will take both of you to help you work it through. Good luck.

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