I’ve been divorced about 1 and 1/2 years. The ex just had her boyfriend move in. I have two children ages 5 and 9. I have summer custody, and will only let her see them every other weekend, unlike last summer. The boyfriend moved partly in about two weeks ago. What are the effects of this on the children, and was I wrong to keep the kids away from this as much as possible?
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
What are your true motives for keeping the children away from their mother? How are you handling this new situation? Are you are attempting to shelter your children because of the way you feel about the new boyfriend? Or do you feel that the children are not being well taken care of? Be honest with yourself, and then ask yourself if this is a strong enough reason to keep the children away from their mother. As long as the two of them are good to your children, I see no reason for keeping them from their mother. If it is the situation that you disagree with, you can let the children know this without giving them the added stress of being fought over. Make sure you’re not punishing your children for negative feelings you may be experiencing. Many couples are now living together before they are married. Perhaps your ex is being a little extra cautious before she jumps into another marriage… Yes, keeping the children from their mother could negatively affect them. I suggest letting the children decide if they want to see their mother. If the situation is distressing to them, then they will probably choose not to visit her as often. If they do still want to see her, try to trust that your ex-wife will take good care of her children, and don’t cause any more family stress than is necessary. Hope things work out, – Anne