Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Ad Info & Options

My Fiancee, The Wall Is Up

Question:

Hi, I’m having some trouble with my Fiancee at the moment. We have been together for 18 months and lately the sex has stopped to about once a month. Communication iss gone and everything seems to be a joke to her. All she does is watch TV. When we do finally talk it will only happen during the advertisement breaks. Even though I have tried everything, the arguments are getting more frequent and worse. She does not like to socialise at all. I am worried about her because the only things she  prefers to do is watch television and sleep. I have tried getting her to come with me to see my GP and I also tried to get one of her friends to talk to her but with no luck.

Is it me? I’m beginning to think that it might be! Also,  I might walk away from this relationship. I dunno!

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

Part of the reason for people going through a period of dating followed by engagement, is to give both parties a chance to determine if marriage is the right thing to do. Yes, I am including the period of engagement in this experimental or exploratory period between two people because it is still not too late. Once two people are married, divorce can become very complicated, emotional and expensive.

Judging from what you are reporting, you fiancee is behaving in ways that are giving you severe warning signals. sometimes called “red flags.” It is entirely possible that “walking away,” or breaking up is the correct approach. The reason I am giving this opinion is that she is behaving in ways that are more reminiscent of an old married couple than a young and engaged couple about to start their lives. This is not to suggest that an old married couple should behave this way either. For relationships to thrive, both people must be actively interrelating with one another rather than staring at a televion. In this interrelating I am including an active sexual life. Neither is happening for you.

In the end, only you can decide what you want to do. In my opinion and if I were in your shoes, I would walk away because her behavior now is a clue to her behavior in the future. Perhaps other readers will disagree with me and I welcome that. I would like to hear from others about this. But, in this man’s opinion, things do not bode well for a successful and happy marriage between you and her.

Remember, you are not yet married and there are no children (as far as I know) and, therefore, you have the freedom and luxury of leaving now and finding someone who will help you feel happier. Again, this is just my opinion.

Best of Luck

More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" View Columnists

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand