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My Husband Lies To Me


I have been married for 1 year. My husband was married previously and it ended in a bitter divorce after a long cold relationship. We are getting along wonderfully but he has a tendency to lie to me about insignificant things like how much he spent at the store (it’s never an extravagent amount…and I balance the checkbook so he knows I will see how much he spent anyway!). His first wife was very controlling and it seems to me from our discussions that he just does it to keep me from knowing everything. I trust him when it comes to matters of importance but the lying is getting annoying. Is there some way I can make him feel more comfortable? I have the feeling that it will get better with time but can’t help but worry it will get worse!

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Honesty is one of the strongest factors in the well-being of a relationship, and, for whatever the reason may be, your husband is breaking that promise. I would take the direct approach and let him know that you are sensitive to his reasons for lying to you, but you are upset that he feels the need to lie to you about even the most seemingly insignificant things. Let him know that you would never tell him what he could or couldn’t do, and that you expect the same in return. Along those lines, tell him that you would never lie to him and expect to be treated the same. But, before you do this, please try to evaluate how you ask your husband to answer the questions he commonly lies about. Are you asking him in a domineering way, or are you being casual about it? In the case of the checkbook, in asking how much he spent at the store, give a reason for why you’re asking. Let him know that you want to write the amount in the checkbook, or that you intend to spend some money in the near future and need to know what to budget. By changing your tone, if necessary, you might find some relief. Take care, – Anne

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