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New Boyfriend Lying About Belongings That Are His Ex Girlfriend's

Question:

When my new boyfriend starts lying to cover-up his lingering feelings for his ex girlfriend and keeps her personal belongings in his home, is this appropriate or common? He has her purple suitcase still in his closet. He has stuffed animals and pictures she has left behind. He says that they are over but then tells me his sister gave or loaned him these things but his sister did not, I have asked her. He also has a romantic photo of a place where his ex and he went on vacation and keeps it framed in the living room. He said he took the picture and her name is on the back of the photo.

Perhaps these things are minor but they really do not feel good to me when I’m starting a new relationship. I have decided that it is best to not have intercourse and to start dating other guys because I do not feel he is ready. He also suffers from chronic depression so I do not find him very stable in his thinking. He changes on top of withholding the truth.

I do not believe these are good signs and may only get worse in time.

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Answer:

The fact that this new boyfriend has problems with telling the truth is not a good sign. A healthy relationship always lies upon the foundation of trust. Not being truthful makes for a very shakey foundation. This is one warning sign.

The other warning sign is that he seems to continue to remain attached to his ex girlfriend. The kinds of things you describe in your Email implies that he continues to have strong feelings for her and is not done. This is not the kind of situation that makes for a good relationship.

The fact that he is depressed may or may not be a problem. After all, people get depressed but have good relationships. At the same time, untreated depression can complicate any relationship.  I guess one important question is whether or not he is getting help for his depression.

Under all the circumstances you describe it does not seem wise to enter a sexual relationship with this man. Intercourse brings an intense kind of intimacy to a relationship that, as you point out, he may not be ready for.

In all, it seems wise to date other men and move on from this man before you become emotionally attached, leaving you with awful feelings about him and yourself.

Best of Luck

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