I have been married to a wonderful man for 11 years. I married at the age of 18 and was a virgin when I married. Our first few years together we had sex everyday. For the past few years I have had a lot of medical problems(endometriosis) and last November had a hysterectomy. I have had absolutely no interest in sex for the past 2-3 years. As you are aware, this has caused many problems for us. Last June my husband started talking to some girl on the internet and I didn’t find out about it until he was calling me by her name while we were in bed asleep. He said he was just talking to her about our problems. I thought it was over. Then in November of 99 I found her picture in his truck along with several condoms. He said she lived in another state but I had to wonder. Now I really am depressed, feel worthless, insecure and still have no desire for sex. Is it now coming from the internet affair or what? I love my husband very much but I no longer make him happy without sex.. He keeps telling me it will get better, but he’s very sexual and I don’t know how long he will wait. Help!
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There are two issues here. First is your marriage in crisis. Second is your lack of sexual desire. Sex is an important part of marriage for most people. Your husband’s desire for sexual contact in the face of your disinterest is legitimate. This being said, his having an affair is destructive to your marriage, to your ability to trust and feel intimate with him, and to your self-esteem. Please consider asking your husband to accompany you to marital therapy. His affair cannot continue if your marriage is to survive. You both might benefit from discussing your needs and fears together in a safe environment. Also, please consider consulting with your medical doctor (MD) and possibly also a naturopathic doctor (ND) about your loss of sexual interest. There may be a treatable problem underlying your loss of interest that could be corrected.