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No Sex Drive

Question:

My husband has an extremely low sex drive all of a sudden. Is there a medication he can take to improve this issue before it causes more of a strain on our marriage?

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Answer:

Although your question is short and seems simple in nature it is actually very complicated. There are many problems that can cause a man or woman to experience diminished sex drive.

Libido or sex drive are influenced by some of the following problems:

1. Depression, 2. Diabetes, 3. Stress and anxiety, 4. High Blood pressure, 5. Worries about such things as work status, money and bills, mortgages, cardio vascular disease and many other types of physical and psychiatric conditions.

Of course, there is always the issue of what is happening in your marriage. have you been arguing with each other a lot. Do you share the same tastes and preferances when it comes to sex? Do you talk to each other about what you do and do not like? Are there other things that could strain your marriage, such as money and work? Does he know that you want sex or are there things he is unhappy with?

What you need to do is speak to your husband and find out what the problem is. If nothing else is wrong then it is a good idea for him to have a complete physical examination. That does depend a lot on his age. If both of you are young then the problem is more likely to be stress or relationship.

The two of you need to talk and in talking you need to listen to what he is saying so that you can learn what might be going on in his mind and his attitude. Depending on whether the problem is marital, psychological or physical you both need to take the necessary steps to get help: psychotherapy, marriage counseling, medical diagnosis or psychiatric diagnosis.

In talking to one another the idea is to avoid getting defensive. That is why I am advising you to listen. So many marital problems stem from the fact that people do not listen but do argue.

Best of Luck 

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Comments
  • severin

    When speaking about low sex drive and the problems which can negatively affect relationships as a result of one partner having higher sex drive than his/her partner, it seems to me that even the partner with low libido could try to satisfy the needs of the sexually frustrated partner at least via non-coital sexual activities. For example oral sex or manual stimulation can bring some relief and the partner with higher sex drive wouldn´t feel so rejected if he/she could see that his/her sexual needs are not absolutely ignored by his/her partner.

    In my opinion, it should not be considered as a "duty" which must be done to please the partner but as one of the ways how to reduce his/her frustration and emotional tension. Something like "emergency help" which can be provided even by the partner with low sex drive. Pleasing your partner should not be viewed as something resulting from his/her "selfish" needs, but as a natural form of help. And helping and also pleasing your partner without expecting the same reward (if you are not interested in sex) can be a vital part of a healthy relationship.

    Unfortunately, people with low sex drive often feel superior (or "clean") and they often criticize partners with higher libido calling them "selfish, dirty, thinking about sex all the time, wanting not love just sex" etc...

    It´s time we stop considering sex as immoral or selfish need. Low sex drive or asexuality does not make anyone superior to people who need sexual satisfaction.

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