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Office Casanova

Question:

I have been married for 13 years. In the past six month I have had a man in my office pursuing me. I hesitated for a while but he kept telling me I was different from the other woman he was seeing in the office. He said she was only sex to him. I mean so much more to him, he didn’t know what love felt like until him and I started getting close. He has told me some day we would be together, but he has a small child and doesn’t want to get divorced from his wife because he want to stay close to his child. We never had sex just a lot of kissing was going on. Now he has started keeping his distance from me in the office but talks and cuts up with the other woman. He has told me he never intended to hurt me but he needs some time to sort all of this out. It hurts me because for the past two months he has been paying me all this attention and making me feel so good about myself that another man besides my husband finds me attractive and wanted me. Also calling me at work and talking to me telling me how much I mean to him, now it has all stopped. He still calls me at work but we just talk in general. My heart is so heavy It hurts to see him with her in the office and I know when he calls her because I sit next to her, and he doesn’t call me or pay me any attention. I know a man like this will keep doing this and I should have been smarter then to get involved. How do I go on from here? Please help me!

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

I don’t approve of extra marital affairs and don’t condone the one you’ve had with this male friend at work. It is pretty ridiculous for you to think that a man who is cheating on his wife and child with other women in your office is going to be true to you. A man who would act in this way is a bum. It’s a pretty good bet he lied to you when he said he loved only you. My money says that he only loves himself and that he is out to have as many women as he can get, without regard for who he hurts. You even say you know he will continue to act in this way. Go with what you know to be true and stay away from him. Your letter betrays a loneliness and desire for attention at any cost that is alarming. I’m wondering if you are feeling good about yourself, if you are respecting yourself properly. It seems to me that you might be feeling like you aren’t worth too much. Maybe you are even feeling depressed?? If I’m right about this, I wonder if you would consider making an appointment with a therapist to see if he or she could help you out. It is best to see a licensed therapist like a Psychologist, or Social Worker for such purposes. Good Luck!

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