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Raging Bull

Question:

My husband and I have been married now for over 25 years, he is a alcholic, but will never admit to it, and he has always been verbally abusive to me, but of late he has become more so to our three children. There has been many a times that I no longer feel that I can take any more! I also have believed that he is suffering from some sort of mental disorder. Along with everything else that he does, he has been know to drink and then come home and be delusional, things that have never happened but he will swear that they have, and that I’m just crazy ,he has even broken up furniture and so out of control one night about 3 years ago that I called the police and they took him away to a rehab place where he spent 3 days. But he only to convince them there that it was all my fault. My family believes that there is something wrong with me for staying here, but when he is good he is very good, It’s just all the times in between. We no longer sleep together, it’s been about the last 2 years I sleep on the couch downstairs. He can’t understand why I don’t want to be with him after all that he has put me through he denies most of it. I use to cry all the time but now, I don’t nothing will ever make him change. He recently went to his doctor for a check-up and he is perfectly normal (physically). My husband has always said for as long as I have known him (25) years that he is going to blow his head off, and that we would all be better off with out him. Needless to say that he has never done anything. He has on several occasions after he has come home from drinking, said that while he is asleep he wants me to come upstairs and kill him when he is asleep. What in the world is the matter with him? Does he say these things just to upset me and the children, or does he really want to die? His parents are of no help, they say that OH THAT’S REALLY TO BAD and that’s all the kind of support I get from. Sorry this was suppose to be added to my previous question. Please any advice you can give would be so much appreciated, I frankly don’t know where else to turn.

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Answer:

Your husband has a serious problem that is affecting your marriage and you. He is (as you say) an alcoholic, becomes violent, and seems to have serious problems with depression and suiciality (which can be very connected to drinking alcohol). He would appear to be in bad need of evaluation and perhaps treatment from qualified mental health professionals in your area.

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p>Whether or not your husband addresses his problems, it falls upon you to get the support and help that you will need to make your life whole and healthy. Please visit the Al-anon webpage on the internet and attend a local meeting of that organization. You may also wish to consider other sources of support including religious groups, individual or group psychotherapy that may be available in your area, internet support groups (such as the one here on (http://community.mentalhelp.net). I also recommend that you find the local women’s shelter in your community and sit in on some groups for battered women. This will help you to figure out if you are being abused currently and will help support you with resources for if you are wanting to make changes.

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