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I am 22 year old female and still a virgin.  I have kissed before and almost had sex. My ex boyfriend and went a far way but I was not sure so I stopped. I have not had a boyfriend in about two years now. But, my hormones seem to be out of control.  Every day I just feel horny and want to kiss. I also find myself watching porn movies and feeling dirty afterward. What can I do to get rid of all these sexual feelings. I don’t want another boyfriend because I love my ex so much that I just want him back.

Can you help me?

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You state that you want to get rid of your sexual feelings but that you do not want a new boyfriend because you love your ex so much. There is a lot that is unrealistic about both of these wishes.

At age 22 your entire body is screaming at you for sex. This is nature’s way of saying that its time for you to marry and begin having children. It is not that your hormones are out of control but that they are behaving in a fashion that is normal at this stage of your life.

You also report that you feel “dirty” after watching pornography. The real issue here is that pornography is no substitute for real life in which you have a husband, warm intimacy, mature sexual relations and plans for a family.

Continuing to cling to the idea of your ex boyfriend is a way you are using to prevent any future development of your life as a woman who has a man and who fulfills here role as a woman and wife. Why would you do this? It is possible that there is something scary about permanent relationships for you. I have no idea, of course, and this is only a guess, but it is possible. This is also why you have only “kissed” but had no further sexual experimentation. Also, mourning a boyfriend from two years ago makes no sense. In my opinion, you need to begin dating and socializing again.

I realize that the notion of dating may be hard for you right now and that is why I am suggesting that you try psychotherapy. Whether its cognitive behavioral or psychodynamic therapy, it will be a way for you to explore you problems and conflicts about intimacy and dating. You are a young person and deserve a chance to live your life to its fullest and to reach your true potential as a woman and as a smart person.

I hope you move ahead with your life and meet the right man for you.

Best of Luck

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