Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Ad Info & Options

She Wants To Have An Affair

Question:

I am 25 and married. My marriage is so so. I recently started talking to a friend of my wife and mine (via Internet chat) – the mother of my 3 year-old niece (my brother unfortunately shirked responsibility). This friend told me that she had, and still has, a crush on me (even while dating my brother). She is 20 and living with someone, and explained that he isn’t as sexually active as she would like him to be recently. We then started talking flirty and sexually with each other, and she said she had just cheated on her boyfriend for the first time with an almost complete stranger. She also mentioned having a girl-girl encounter a while ago with one of her friends, while with her current boyfriend. She has implied she wouldn’t mind an affair with me. I am intrigued by the possibility of having an affair, but don’t want to hurt our friendship or my marriage. I am also worried about her– this doesn’t seem stable (and she seems very different from when I first met her, but maybe I just didn’t know her well enough before). What should be done to help her, if indeed she needs help (how would I find out)? Is it wrong to keep flirting with her (via chat) if there is probably no chance of real affair, as I’m not sure if she’s serious, or just playing it out for the feeling (I kind of like the feeling myself). I know the “correct” answer to having the affair is no, but I still think about it – I feel sexually deprived at times myself.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
  • ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

Upon reading your letter, I came to two conclusions. Either a) you are a lousy husband or b) your marriage is in trouble. I’d like to think the answer is b. Many marriages experience dry spells that eventually pass with time (and communication). It’s perfectly healthy to find this girl’s advances flattering…but the fact that you can’t decide whether to sleep with her or seek help for her concerns me. This girl sounds troubled…which could be a result of her age. I think I could better relate to your dilemma if you were in love with this girl, but you obviously are not. If you are feeling sexually deprived I suggest talking to your wife. This friend sounds as though she’s attracted to many others, so don’t get too excited about her advances toward you. I suggest that you take your brother’s lead and write this girl off as bad news.

More "Ask Anne" View Columnists

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand