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Temper Problems

Question:

I am 16 years old. One month ago my girlfriend broke up with me after our being together for four great months. She said that she thinks we both needed some space and time apart to work out our “problems”. She said she broke up with me because she was frightened of my temper. She says she still loves me though. She said that if she sees a change in me then she will consider going back out with me. So I have now been going to a C.S.W (a Social Worker) every day now and I have been put on medications. I am trying to change. How can she still love me and not want to go out with me? I love her, Anne. I can’t live without her. How can I get the love of my life back?

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

It sounds like your girlfriend is being straight with you – she cares about you but at the same time is frightened of how you have treated her. Mixed feelings like this are actually very common. To have a chance at winning her back you will need to show her that you won’t scare her in the future. This means that you will have to learn better ways to manage your “temper”. It isn’t clear from your letter what you did that she found frightening. Ask her to name specific things she found scary (don’t argue with her when she tells you what they are!) and then work on changing your tendency to act that way. Your willingness to enter therapy and to take psychiatric mediations are great first steps toward this goal. Good for you. I hope you will stick with it.

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