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Toxic Parents

Question:

I am 44 years old and have dealt with physical mental sexual and emotional abuse. I have quit drinking and drugging for about 12 years now (thank god) my doctor put me on zanax for 6 years and I finally weaned myself off of it, and started having panic attacks again. he put me on Zoloft which has been a life saver for me. anyway I finally confronted my step mother and biological father about the abuse and I was sorry I did that but I was so angry at them at the time. my father told me that that never happened that he thinks I have a mental disease and that my step mother would never allow something like that to go on. the problem is they did do what they did, it is as vivid in my mind today as the day it happened. I tried to have a relationship with them and I do love my dad, but it’s always turmoil and fighting and I want to be left alone, my friends treat me better than them. I do feel very guilty though for what I have started. I called my dad and told him that I needed to stay away for awhile. he told me that he was very angry at the lies that I told (they are not lies). do I need to just stay away from these people?

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Answer:

The name of the game when dealing with ongoing abuse is to get it to stop so that no further harm is done. If your parents are continuing to harm you then you may very well be best off by avoiding them. You certainly can have permission to avoid them, if you want to do that (you can give yourself permission to stay away from them, and that is good enough – It is more than okay for you to protect yourself from harm). If there is even the hint that being with them would push you back into drug or alcohol abuse, then by all means avoid them. It will have to be your call as to what you decide to do, however. As you say, you love these people, even though they have hurt you. Please seek out the support and guidance of other people you trust in making this decision.

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Comments
  • Anonymous-1

    I just read Toxic Parent's and it is sounds like what I am doing right now at age 47. Staying away and setting boundaries with my parents. I grew up in an abusive alcoholic home. I didn't drink or do drugs, but now have depression and PTSD. I am getting help and will SURVIVE!! Yes, my parents too, deny! My two sisters and I know the truth!

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