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We Broke Up Because Of His Mother.. I Had An Abortion. Having Suicidal Thoughts

Question:

It’s a very long story. I’ll cut it short as possible.

I was with him for 4 months before I got pregnant. It ended between us on Wednesday. So, it lasted almost 7 months. He had just gotten out of prison when we met. He is married to a female friend. They married to avoid him getting deported.

She was coming around too often and that’s why I got suspicious. But, he didn’t tell me he was married. I happened to find the certificate. We argued about their friendship. The other females in his life were always offending me in some way. But he always took their sides. I was never right to him. We always argued.

Now, when I pregnant and we told his mother, she was not happy. However, she would ask me how I felt when I was at her house because I was REALLY suffering severe morning sickness. However I still doubted she was pleased.

When he told her he was going to move out n marry me after the baby was born, she was not happy he wanted to move out. The guy is friggin 26 yrs old. But she’s poor and needs help pay her bills.

The day we broke up I showed her the ultrasound pics. She couldn’t even fake a smile. She just asked what part is the head and which way to turn the picture. I sensed the sour mood she was in and ran a joke saying, “look at your son’s work”. She looked up at me blankly with nothing to say. No remark, smile, comment, just a look of sadness.

So, I calmed myself and told him I was hurt. He defended her saying she wouldn’t do that and she liked me. He said I’m wicked was lying about her. He said, “baby or no baby, she’s my mother.” We argued. I left at 2 am and went home. I had an abortion two days later. He called me begging to come back to him until I told him I aborted. Since then he asked about the phone line we share and said we should split.

I am so depressed. Was I WRONG?????? I am so tired of being lonely. I think I’m going to go crazy if I don’t make friends or a life partner. I’m so fed of men that I doubt I’ll ever date again. But if I cant make any female friends I guess it’s either date again and risk being hurt or stay alone.

I don’t know what to do. I am so bored around the house. I plan on going back to college and getting a job. I fear that I won’t meet friends. And, I’m not a very talkative person with strangers. I have to be around friendly people to open up, then I am very social.

But, suppose my classmates are all cold and unfriendly. I’ll never make friends then. What should I do? I’m at the point of just committing suicide. it’s the only solution that would end this problem. But my mother would be heartbroken. She’s the only person that cares about me and she’s very depressed about my situation but she can’t help.
 
Please, what should I do? Am I the problem?

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Answer:

Frankly, I believe you need to consult a psychotherapist because, besides feeling depressed, you are confused and, therefore, are making bad decisions.

For example, why would you date someone who just got out of prison? Why would you continue to date someone who gained U.S. citizenship by marrying an American? Why would you stay in a relationship with a man after you knew he was married? Why would you get angry with your friend, his wife, when she came around to visit him? After all, they are husband and wife?

What you need to begin to understand about yourself is that your problem is not men but the bad decisions you make and continue to repeat.

I strongly urge you to find a good clinical psychologist or licensed clinical social worker and begin psychotherapy in order that you begin to  gain insight into yourself and your behaviors and that you learn how to make healthier decisions as well as meet the kinds of people who will make you feel better about yourself.

Best of Luck

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Comments
  • laura

    You need friends, co-workers, classmates... some sort of social network. A boyfriend (even if hes the best guy in the world) is not the same as friends. When you start school, just find one or two people you like enough, and ask them if they want to grab a coffee after class. If it seems less threatening, ask a few people at once, so its a group thing and can't be misconsrued as a date.

    Personally, I think your boyfriend sounded uncaring towards you. But maybe he sees it as you're not his wife, so he doesn't have to treat you like one? Just like he takes his family's side... perhaps since you were 'just his girlfriend' he didn't consider you like family?

    I wonder why there was a problem with every female he had even a casual relationship with. I can understand your having an issue with his wife obviously... but with every female? Was there a reason to think he was unfaithful (even with his family members)?

    The one thing I'm not sure I understand is this... why you got an abortion. If you got one because you were so morning-sick, or preferred a baby-free lifestyle for now, that is one thing. But it seems like from your post, it may have been some sort of... revenge maybe? And maybe now you're having second thoughts?

    While none of what you say he did to you was fair, *if* you did have an abortion out of spite, then that isn't fair either.

    Whether you knew it or not he was toxic to you and you deserve happiness (every one does). But... he's gone. Thats a good thing. You no longer have to deal with him, his wife, his mother, or his baby. Now is the time to 'do you'... rediscover yourself, make new friends, find hobbies or clubs at college that you like.

    Whether this guy was an ex-con isn't the issue, that he was married isn't the issue, his Mom isn't the issue... HE is the issue. The fact that he wouldn't care how his girlfriend feels is the issue. And those issues are gone now. You deserve better. Let this bad relationship show you what you *don't* deserve, and use it as a jumping-off point for a future relationship.

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