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We Don't Get Much Enjoyment From Sex

Question:

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p>My boyfriend and I have been going out for a while. We love eachother very much and get along great. We love being around each other, but don’t get much enjoyment from sexual activities. Is it normal to not desire these things before marriage? We both want to get married to each other, but don’t want to make a mistake if we’re missing something.

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Answer:

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p>It isn’t terribly normal, to my knowledge, to not enjoy sexual activities, but whether this is a problem or not depends on whether you think it is a problem, not on whether it is normal or not. When you ask if something is normal, you are asking if it is common or not. And it is uncommon for people to admit that they don’t derive much pleasure from sex. However, it is also uncommon for people to be very intelligent. Many people would say it is a good thing to be highly intelligent, even though it is not very common. Not enjoying sex is relatively uncommon, but there are lots of folks out there who aren’t into it just the same, and if they’re okay with themselves then they’re okay.

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p>Have you not enjoyed sexual relations your entire life, or is this something new just with this boyfriend? Do you feel that you are missing out on something, or have you never cared much about sexual pleasure? If this is just how you are and have always been, I don’t see much reason for you to get worried about it or let it stop you making plans for a shared lifetime. If, however, you have enjoyed sex in the past and miss that experience now in your present relationship, I’d say you have the potential for a real problem. Lasting cohabiting romantic relationships are build on compatibility. They work well when partners are highly compatible, and they become tense and friction-filled when partners diverge in interests, values and needs. If you think that you’ll be wanting sexual pleasure of a sort you cannot get from your boyfriend in the future, and you don’t think you can compensate or learn how to make your shared sexuality feel better, then you should question whether it makes sense to go forwards.

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p>Sometimes, people are sexually avoidant or have difficulty enjoying sex or in trusting people when they have been molested or sexually abused at some earlier time. If you or your boyfriend have experienced this sort of thing, you might do well to seek counseling as an aide for helping you recover your sexual life.

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Comments
  • mari

    I really appreciate how you are feeling. I've been in exactly the same situation. Here is a website I recommend that may help you as it helped me and my partner: www.reuniting.info. Try everything before giving up on love as it can be difficult to find again. Good luck to you.

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