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What Abuse Looks Like #2

Question:

I have been dating this guy for over 2-1/2 years now and we have recently purchased our first house together. ‘R’ has been very mean lately. He is constantly nagging at me about what I don’t do around the house. This is not new we have lived together for about a year before this. He’s constantly calling me lazy. Which I find to be untrue most nights he has dinner waiting for him and the house is immaculate, but it is what I don’t do that he complains about. And lately more than ever he has been insulting me a lot and calling me names, getting mad at me over silly things, like if I have the door closed in the bedroom while having a friend over or thinking that my friends and I are always talking about him and laughing at him. He also has weird sexual tendencies: After getting mad at me for something dumb and calling me names, he will want to have sex, but when I say no, he will call me a name like a skank and just start going off on me. I think he has some sort of disorder and should maybe get some help but when I bring it up to him he thinks that I am being ridiculous. Please help.

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Answer:

Basically, I have nothing to say to you that is all that much different than what I said in reply to “What Abuse Looks Like #1”, except to note that things might not be so hopeless with your situation as with hers – mostly because you don’t report physical violence. For your type of situation I recommend a good course of couples counseling first – several months of both you and he working with a therapist to try to resolve your tensions. I don’t have any idea what you might be bringing to the problem, but it is clear enough that he’s probably bringing a whole bunch himself. Nevertheless, if there is hope, you’re best off working on the problems together. If he won’t go for counseling and work at it, then my advice is no different than above, which is to say – leave the guy. Why hang around for abuse?

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