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Why My Emotional Relationships With Men Don't Last?

Question:

I am a really beautiful and attractive woman with a hottie body and 24 years old. I have never had long lasting relationship with a man. All ends badly and I get dumped!!. When being in a relationships with  men it seems that they lose interest fast and act less caring for me. The opposite happens at the beginning when they are very interested but, once they know me for 1 week, they lose interest! Then they leave me and I feel alone.

Maybe my appearance shows the opposite of my personality? Well, I dress attractively and wear tight clothes that fit my curved body and I wear high heels!!

Why am I being dumped even though I tend to be long term woman or a woman who wants a long term relationship. Maybe they are stupid and lose a woman like me, or maybe I go for the wrong type, like “players”?? And yah! Once I ignore men, they chase me. I wanna have healthy relationships that last.

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  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
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Answer:

Even though we, as human beings, depend on verbal communication to express the things we want, feel and think, we also communicate in ways that are non verbal. Things like facial expression, body language, eye contact or lack of, acting like we are listening to others, tone of voice, smiling, and more, send strong signals to other people about what we may be thinking and feeling. In fact, because so very much of the way we communicate is non verbal, others can easily misinterpret what we really want. So, even though you state that you want a long term relationship, some other message is being picked up by these men.

I have no way of knowing what message you may be signalling but, whatever it is, you are not getting what you say you want. For example, even though you are looking for a serious relationship, by picking the wrong type of man, you are really preventing that from happening. While you are dressing in ways that you believe are attractive, men may be picking up another message than the one you want them to receive. Of course, this is speculation but, whatever it is you are doing, you are not attaining your goals for meaningful relationships.

Socializing with people, be they men or women, is a skill. Like all skills, it is learned. Very often, and for a variety of reasons, people do  not learn social skills or they learn the wrong ones. You need to figure out what it is you are doing that is causing stress.

Some of the ways you can do this is to enter psychotherapy, especially cognitive behavior therapy, get some of the many books on how to behave successfully and reach you goals, or speak to close friends and ask them if they notice things about you that could be putting these men off. If you do the last, you have to be ready for some criticism.

Among the self help books are the kinds that have work books that teach specific skills, like listening, smiling, making eye contact, etc. Of course, what ever type of strategy to use, you need to practice these skills.

Keep in mind that it is equally important for you to learn about the types of men you are choosing. Indeed, you may be choosing the types who are not available or who have no wish for anything other than sex. Part of learning social skill includes interpreting the signals others are sending so that you can make better choices.

Best of luck.

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