My husband has been in jail twice for domestic violence, and he actually has a history of abuse with his ex wife. Lately he has attended anger managment classes and DUI classes. We are separated and have a "no contact order," but he still calls me and promises everything is gonna be ok. He is asking me to go back together. I want to believe in him since he has behaved well due to his extreme fear of the police and jail. Even though I have noticed he has changed a lot, i don’t trust him completely, and I wonder if this is the moment of truth and I should move forward….
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You asked my opinion and I will give it based on all I know about abuse. There is no doubt in my mind that you should most definitely move on. Yes, all the research and statistics show that he will abuse again.
In addition, there are some revealing facts about him that you mentioned that make me even more convinced that he will abuse you again:
1. He has a DUI arrest and is in anger management classes. This means that he was caught DUI more than once or twice.
2. He abused his ex wife and has not learned much from that as he is still getting into trouble.
3. He is attending anger management classes. At best, these classes fail to get good results. He is in that class because he has an anger problem. Anger, drinking, divorce: does not bode well for his future.
4. By your admission, he is behaving now because he fears the police. That is a poor reason to behave and makes it likely that he will abuse and drink again once the police vanish from supervising his life.
5. Even now he is breaking the rules by calling you in violation of the court order.
In my firm opinion:Move on now before you get really hurt or worse.