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Withdrawn Wife

Question:

I’ve noticed for the past few months that my wife (41) of one year masturbates everyday….many times a day. She is very secret about it and tries to hide it from me. I’ve known her for 5 years and the sex has been great until we moved in together and got married. When I say something about it she denies everything all the time and she gets mad at me for thinking that she is. I’m very open to sex but she is leaving me out and our intimacy is almost gone. What should I do?

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

The problem is not your wife’s masturbation (which is maybe on the high side, but not out of the range of normal). All that behavior signifies is that she has a healthy sexual appetite. The problem is why is she not sharing that appetite with you, her husband? Something is wrong in your marriage that you two are not able to be comfortably intimate together. I think you should directly express your feeling of missing that intimacy you used to share with your wife. There is no real need to bring up the masturbation, I don’t think. Rather, you want to talk about your hurt feelings and your desires for the marriage, and you want to encourage her to talk about why she might be withdrawn from you. To facilitate this discussion, you might want to engage the services of a marriage counselor. Good luck.

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