Working It Out


My wife moved out into an apartment just 2 months ago… She does not want to work on our relationship saying “we can’t communicate… you have never been there for me.” When we do things together she says she feels she is leading me on…. We talk and see each other still but she seems to be getting farther and farther away from me… How should I deal with this? I am going to therapy on my own, but I feel she is already moving on with her life. She says she doesn’t miss our marriage. Should I just leave her alone?… Keep in touch?…… Please help…..

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
  • ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.

Either she wants to work things out with you or she doesn’t. That’s for her to decide. You can’t force her to want to be with you. I suggest you sit her down and have a long talk with her. Ask her if you should just leave her alone. Only she knows what is right for her. Oftentimes we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone…by then it’s too little too late. I would like to congratulate you for seeking therapy, but I hope you’re doing it for yourself and not solely to win her back. If she is adamant about not working on your marriage, then leave it at that. If you continue to plead with her, then she may grow to resent you and view you as burdensome. I know this is a difficult time for you right now, but try and get on with your life. I suggest you continue the therapy, and take each day as it comes. Best of luck, – Anne

More "Ask Anne" View Columnists