Introduction To Bipolar Disorder And Mood Disorders

 

Mood Swings vs. Mood Disorders - Discovering Bipolar Disorder

People use the term mood to describe the emotional tones that color their daily lives. Moods are everywhere and ubiquitous; everyone has them. Moods may be happy or sad; energized or sluggish; embodying various combinations of emotional states. Moods consist of feelings as well as the thoughts and judgments that give feelings their meaning. An anxious mood may shift into an excited mood with a simple change of perspective, and a depressed mood may shift into a happier one upon hearing pleasing news. Moods are typically transient things that shift from moment to moment or day to day, but they can be prolonged states as well which color the whole psychic life for long periods of time.

While people's moods rise and fall as various life events are experienced, most moods never become that extreme or feel uncontrollable. As depressed as an average person might get, it won't take too much for them to recover and start feeling better. Similarly, happy and excited moods are not easily sustainable either, and tend to regress back to a sort of average mood. Most people can't stay too depressed or too happy for any length of time.

In contrast to people who experience normal mood fluctuations are people who have Bipolar Disorder.
People with bipolar disorder experience extreme and abnormal mood swings that stick around for prolonged periods, cause severe psychological distress, and interfere with normal functioning.

Bipolar Disorder (also known as Manic-Depression, or sometimes Bipolar Affective Disorder), is a category of serious mood disorder that causes people to swing between extreme, severe and typically sustained mood states which deeply affect their energy levels, attitudes, behavior and general ability to function. Bipolar mood swings can damage relationships, impair job or school performance, and even result in suicide. Family and friends as well as affected people often become frustrated and upset over the severity of bipolar mood swings.

Bipolar moods swing between 'up' states and 'down' states. Bipolar 'up' states are called Mania, while bipolar 'down' states are called Depression. Mania is characterized by a euphoric (joyful, energetic) mood, hyper-activity, a positive, expansive outlook on life, an inflated sense of self-esteem or grandiosity (a hyper-inflated sense of self-esteem), and a sense that most anything is possible. When in a manic state, bipolar people tend to demonstrate a decreased need for sleep, racing thoughts, rapid speech (wherein the words won't come out fast enough to keep up with their racing thoughts) and heightened distractibility. Manic individuals typically show poor judgment and impulsivity, and are prone to engaging in risky or dangerous behaviors and activities.

Depression is, more or less, the opposite mood state from mania. Depression is characterized by feelings of lethargy and lack of energy, a negative outlook on life, low or non-existent self-esteem and self-worth, and a sense that nothing is possible. Depressed individuals tend to lose interest in things that used to give them pleasure and enjoyment (such as sex, food or the company of other people). They may sleep too much or too little. Regardless of how much sleep they actually get, they tend to complain about feeling constantly tired and fatigued. Their mood tends to be dysphoric (e.g., distressed, negative, unhappy), although they may experience dysphoria in different ways. Traditional depressed mood (e.g., sadness, melancholy), irritability, short temper, and even agitation are common mood states reported by depressed people with bipolar illness. Additionally, anger, guilt, failure and hopeless feelings may be present. Such negative feeling states help depressed people lose confidence in their abilities, become pessimistic about their futures, and (sometimes) conclude that life is no longer worth living.

Comments
  • John M

    As a recently diagnosed bipolar 2 I can't help wondering upon reading the many much more severe cases in web sites all over the internet what contitutes bipolar and what's just hyper sensitivity? I feel like I should just be able to snap out of it or maybe just ignore that and I'd be like everybody else.

  • cherish

    i just found out i have bipolar and i have been having mood swings for 3 yrs i can't control my mood swings i try but they are uncontrolable i hurt my family and friends around me and i don't care for living because my life isn't important and their isn't anything to live for i have mood swings and i can't stop my self most of the time i phsicaly or mentaly hurt others around me and i hurt myself i have been put in a mental hospital for it but it didn't help it because i didn't listen i try to do right but i can't control myself and everone around me can't stand me i need help and a friend to stick by my side who understands what i'm going through

  • scottywiz

    My name is scott and i am 27 years old. i live in Australia and i too have the curse of bipolar..... over the past now eight years i have had an amazing 72 different jobs moved house 18 times and lived in all most all states in Aussie. At the time i knew something was different about me. i looked like i had it all great job, coach of my football team, mates and a new family. there was something wrong though and i never knew what it was.

    For years i would cry all the time never in frount of someone else though. id cry in the morning on the way to work when i got to work. the nights were the worst though.

    anyway after a while of this my freinds stoped hanging out with me and even my partner broke it off with me. my moods were too much for them. i was either on top of the world or i would sleep for days on end. the best thing that happened to me was being placed in a mental health hosp were i learnt of what i had. i didnt even know bipolar was an illness. since that day i have been on medication and improve all the time. the sadest thing is that unless you have not been in those dark places you have no idea what we are talking about. my so called friends and ex partner still dont talk to me because of what i put them through in my time of being undiagnosed. I guess there are just some shallow people out there.

    People with bipolar dont deserve to be treated like we are worthless. we have to put up with too much as it is.

    my thoughts go out to you all and i wish you all a safe recovery....

  • LJ

    I was diagnosed with major depression like 2 months ago. But by the time I got an appointment I was starting to feel better [after 6 months of feeling like that], but I was put on antidepressants. After telling my close friends my friends mum confided in me she is Bipolar and she thinks that I am.

    She is literally like another mum to me so knows me well and has commented that I go through stages of being stupidly hyper, where I spend, spend, spend and end up getting in loads of debt, i don't think things through, I'm reckless, cause arguments, easily distracted. These last days, weeks or months.
    Then there are periods when i'm really depressed i'm constantly tired, can't bring myself to get out of bed and I'm suicidal.
    Then again there can be periods of time where I'm 'normal'.

    I can't get another appointment with my GP for another 3 weeks and I'm just so confused!!

  • Melissa

    I have also been recently diagnosed. Well, I was initially diagnosed during an initial consultation when I was 19...but it's taken another eight years for me to come to terms with the problem and my current counsellor has re-diagnosed me as having Bipolar IIB. I just graduated from law school and have two undergraduate degrees, taught myself how to play two orchestral instruments, learned four languages (which I don't remember now that I rarely have an opportunity to use them)....etc. etc. I live to learn and I crave to travel and live life to the fullest...but it's still all drab and boring and bland and I can't ever get to the top of my field, can't seem to attain my goals...can't seem to be happy--ever. I drive my friends away because I expect too much out of them and am constantly irritable if they do not satisfy me--which is rare--and it's only now that I'm realizing I have issues with relationships. I've been blaming others and it's so traumatizing to realize that there's something actually 'off' about my brain. Thank God for supportive people like you guys. God bless you all. I hope we all get better.

  • Happy

    I have bi-polar, but with regular sesions with a Psychiatrist the right meds and exercise I am managing to work my way through a law degree and work at the same time. I am in a relationship I have times when I can't sleep for a couple of days/nights or up to a week or so but I think if you manage it properly you can still achieve what you want to!! goodluck everyone!!

  • Annissa

    ITS NICE TO NO IM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS PROBLEMS WITH THIS THING IT DRIVES ME INSANE. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MANY RELATIONSHIPS NO ONE CAN DEAL WITH IT. IVE BEEN ON MEDICATION FOR 10 YEARS WHILST IT HELPS I STILL HAVE THE ONGOING PROBLEMS OF PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTANDING ME, I DO SO WELL WITH MY WORK I GUESS THE MANIA HELPS ME THERE AND GET PROMOTED EASILY BUT I CANNOT MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK, MY HEAD DOESN'T STOP IT DRIVES ME MAD IM THINKING CONTINUOUSLY AND I FIND IT REALLY HARD TO RELAX WHEN I GET HOME AND MY PARTNERS THINK I DON T CARE AND I FIND IT HARD TO HAVE SEX DRIVE I REALLY WISH THERE WERE MORE ANSWERS THAN MEDICATION AND COUNCILLING. IVE HAVE COUNCELLING OVER THE YEARS HELPS ME THROUGH FOR A LITTLE WHILE THEN ALL GOES BACK THE SAME.

    Can anyone have a relationship with this disorder?

    GOOD LUCK EVERYONE I KNOW ITS NOT EASY

  • Gavin

    My friend was recently diagnosed with Ultra rapid cycling bi polar disorder, which means he goes through moods faster thn most people with a bi polar disorder (from what I understand at least, please correct at any point if wrong). Recently he has been going through a rough patch, due to a dispute with a friend. I have been talking to him on a regular basis to make sure he is not hurting himself or attempting to express himself in a harmful way. Anything we talk about is about this dispute and he rapidly varies between anger and a complete lack of self regard and energy to do anything.

    Where as, last night, he was talking about how much he thought about suicide (at one point he actually had a knife and I had to convince him to replace it downstairs), tonight he was talking about how much more he can really take. Does this mean he is stepping away from the concept of suicide or is he getting closer.

    He is getting help but I don't think enough. It is only once a month and he has very little to actually do during the day, which I believe is further fuelling his lack of energy. I try to convince him that SOME activity during the day would make him feel slightly better but every piece of advice I give is coming from my experiences and I have never felt in any way like he is now. I just have no idea how to help to get him out of this rut. Can anyone offer any advice on the matter? It would be of great help. Please contact me on The-Lips@hotmail.co.uk

  • Laura

    My friend really needs help! In January she was diagnosed with depression, but by the time I convinced her to go to the doctor & she was seen, she began to come out of the depressive state and returning to her normal state. She was still put on anti depressants and asked to go to councelling. She was discharged as she wasn't depressed any more.

    I am a nurse & I'm very concerned about how she behaves at times. I've known her all my life. She always goes from one extreme to the other in her moods. Sometimes they last days, weeks or months. At the minute she says she feels perfectly fine. She isn't sleeping, spending far too much, she has fallen out with her mum as she took her credit cards off of her to stop her spending [she's already in debt]. She has quit uni, been fired from her job. Normally we don't mind putting up with all this but recently she has started to become paranoid, convinced people are watching/spying on her. She won't travel alone as she believes people are following her.

    She's also stopped taking her medication as 'they don't do a thing' for her. I think this is completely irresponsible. I litterally had to drag her back to the doctors and I had to explain to him what's going on as she believes nothing is wrong. He said OK, it sounds like Bipolar. He needed to wait for her councellors notes & if something isn't right, he'll refer her to a psychiatrist. That's in 5-7 weeks! If he doesn't get in touch does that mean nothing is wrong???
    HELP!

  • Anonymous-1

    Bipolar is inherited, my grandfather ,my mom, my son,my daughter and now me. Oh, and did I mention my oldest son has Autism and my youngest son has a milder form of Autism called Asperger Syndrome. God granted me a scense of humor, a love for what He created and Hope through the only son He has, who died to set us free. Without faith it is impossible to please God and impossible to servive Bipolar! Through Christ we can have eternity without Bipolar or any such illness. I am an expert through personal experience with all the above illnesses and I've seen good results in eating foods with variety in colors and textures and 100% grape fruit juice really help along with plenty of olive oil in everything that's prepared in you everyday life.

  • bert

    I ahve been dating a woman on and off for over two years. She has bipolar I. Prior to meeting me she had difficulty maintaining relationships. It's been a burdensome and stressful two years for me. Even though I love her dearly, her bipolar seems to take normal stressors to a different level. The one thing I have noticed that she is less prone to being impacted hy the condition when she takes her meds, does not drink, and goes to counseling. It is important that she continue associating with supportive and healthy people. She has made progress, however she will always have to stay on top of it and remain proactive in order to avoid any type of relapse. Hope this is helpful!!!

  • Shweta

    Hi all. I am in serious trouble with the way I behave.Almost every month I experience a phase wherein I will continoulsy cry for whole day.Something jus needs to start it off and then I remeber all the bad phases of my life.

    I sometimes feel so confident that I can win the world and I am very strong lady.Though I will study but I have problems concentrating , I will keep on switching to things and never feel relaxed.

    Its now 3-4 years taht I have been experiencing these.Though I have managed to pass my college and get it into a job but now my learning pace has dropped down to null. My brain always feel tired and many thoughst keep rushing in.

    But still I am not able to speak up these things to anyone.I never trust anyone , I feel as if everyone is an enemy to me and will cause severe harm.I have been looking into negatives more than teh postives

    I have been recently married and my husband loves me alot and is really a good person.But in this phase I also doubt him and keep on crying without telling him.He is trying to help me but I am not able to open out to him too.As I fear people.

    In the past these crying period has been extended to 2-3 days, and now i feel my brain power has decreased tremendously.

    I am a software engineer and as soon as i start concentrating on anything I experienc pain in my brain lobes.Now I have started feeling that I will not be able to do anything in my life.That someone might take away al my good things from life.

    I don know what to do??please suggest me something to come out of this and restart living the way it was 3-4 years ago.

  • Jesy

    My ex husband has Bipolar Disorder. One day he left me and hired a lawyer to fight me in court, he went on a shopping spree and ruined my credit, I protected myself a much as I could and later on I filed for divorce to protect my name. I thought everything would end there but not. We are 1 year divorced and he refuses to let go, calls me in a regular basis and just last week he went back to a Behavioral Hospital, while in there he reached out to me for moral support.

    I love him but also wish him well. Unfortunately he doesn't want to let go and it hurts that he can't get back on his feet and live a good life. If I don't pick up his calls later on I hear he is sleeping in his car with no place to live. If I do then I hear "we were so happy" "I love but I can't be with you" from him. I know changing my phone number and moving away wasn't enough. I'm doing great and adjusting to my single life. I've compassion for him but by all means I am not a psychiatric.

    Please advice.

  • Anonymous-2

    I am a 32 yrs old male I recently lost my father in an accident the event was so un expected that i was numbed for days no feeling anything at all now after approxmately a month after his death i feel when he was alive i did not behave properly with him and i was responsible for his death as i was the one who had sent him on the journey i feel terrible and not able to concentrate on my wwork i dont feel like doing anything and sit idly thinking only abt my father.I also feel like becoming a monk and leave this worldly things pls help.....

  • Karen

    I believe I am bipolar after doing research. I've been suicidal (with numerous attempts) since I was a teen (slit my wrist at 17). Now I am 47, and I am soooo tired of me. I have no friends left, no family members and it's just dawned on me that maybe it's not all their fault.

    I can't control my emotions at times and say very inapropriate things. It hurts people and they stay away. I'm so lonely. I had a cat for 20 years and recently had to end her life. I have no kids...she was my kid. Well, over the side I fell directly into bipolar hell! My friend said "You just need to think before you say things, we all have to do that." I said "I feel like I can't do that...it doesn't feel like an option to me." Now she's gone, my only friend. I don't blame her.

    Loosing her prompted me to research bipolar disorder. When I was in my 20's I atempted carbon monoxide suicide. That landed me in the hospital where I was diagnosed with severe depression and PTSS (sexual abuse) I was married and had insurance then.

    Now I am caregiver for my terminally ill stepdad, who is also a sociopath. I have no insurance and I only make $ 575 a month. Any sugestions on where I can get help? I don't qualify for any programs in the area because I have no children. When he goes, I'll have to get a real job and I'm terrified. Although I'm a great worker, once people get to know me it's over...I'm gone....not fired, I quit......always have. (Then I blame them!)

    This is a last ditch effert for me. I either get help or I'm checking out. I can't live like this anymore. Please, someone tell me where to go if I don't have ins. and don't have the ability to pay. Or, at least be honest if there isn't anywhere to go. Thank you all who respond and good luck to you.

    Tooo tired

  • JF

    HI Laura,

    I can't actually imagine how difficult that must be for you but I must take my hat off to you as it seems that you care a lot for your friend she is very lucky to have you.

    What I have learn in life is to never wait for something to come to you always go and get it yourself. The reason for that is that most people in the world are inconsiderate to a certain extend not too mention self-fish too. In the case, of this doctor it seems to me that he acted unprofessionally, he should have made the effort of finding out more but to tell you the truth he seem like a typical unskilled doctor..

    so do not despair, just because those people don't know there job means that you have to give up. on the contretrary find the strenght in you to counter that as I sure believe out there there are people who are devoted to their job and "SKILLED" too

    persevere, go and consult other people , DO NOT LET yourself being discouraged by others...

    see the way I see it is that "life is so simple, but homosapiens tend to make it complicated"

    there is always something that can be done.

    Anyway, hope you find your way into your quest meaning into helping your friend out.

    Advise language is important very important in life and the way you ask certain things in life is vital.

    so when you ask for more info be nice, measure your words properly..

    above all also be ready to know what you want to find out..

    good luck with the rest..

  • My wife has bipolar

    My wife found out she has bipolar about 5to 6 years ago.We have 3 kids and she was going to move out with another man.Between me and her friend ,family we got talk in to staying with me.Her dad was going to give all of her inherited to me with help kids.She has been in and out of jobs 3 to 4 years.She has put us in debt and about lose her job.She has been talking about killing herself?i told her to see her doctor and counsler to see what they can do for her.I don't think doctor knows what she is doing and my insurance makes it hard to change doctors.I have been on David Oliver web site about biploar noreply@mental healthworld.net or go to www.bipolar supporter.com .

  • Anonymous-3

    My daughter would love to have me diaganosed as bi-polar, but I do not believe that this is a true illness and I have very little faith in any mental health diagnosis. I have feelings and I have problems that everyone has. But I refuse to attach a label to my personal being and because of that, I am called exactly what you all are seem to be excited about. I think people have just decided to quit trying, and having a label makes you feel better

  • beath

    I'm 40, female, and was diagnosed bipolar at the age of 32. My mood swings and erratic behavior has ruined a number of relationships. My marriage ended when I became extremely depressed and attempted suicide, and was subsequently hospitalized. Alternately, shortly afterward I became manic and began an affair with a coworker. It was then that I threw my husband out. I feel that if he had been more understanding of my condition we would still be together.

    Currently I'm in a relationship with a great guy. We've even discussed marriage plans. I so want to open up to him about my bipolar behavior and what to look for...I have told him I am bipolar, but not what this means in the context of our relationship. I'm so afraid I'll have a repeat of my previous marriage...that I'll fall into depression and then mania, and (a) he won't be able to handle it and leave, or (b) I'll do something stupid.

    How do I avoid that?

  • Fed Up but trying to hang on

    I am very grateful that I have found this site. I believe that my partner is bipolar. We have been in a relationship for 8 rocky years. Thoughout the years he has experienced many of the symptoms that I have read on this site. It seems like he would go through deep depressions and at time have very hostile actions. I couldn't put my finger on it until last year. Up until then I just thought that he was being very mean and nasty. I thought that if I uplifted him he would overcome his sadness. Unfortunately, the sadness and depression is something that I can not help him from. After his episodes I would try to tell him that he needs to get some help, like counseling. He hasn't done so yet. Biploar would explain a lot of what has gone on in our relationship, everything from his unpredictible hostile behavior, suicide threats, several break ups for no good reason and his cheating. I am angry with myself because I feel as though I should have left a long time ago. Now after two children, I am tired and worn out. I don't have the energy to go through this anymore especially with two young kids. We did have some good times, and I guess I stayed so long because I do care for him. I truly want him to get the help he needs, but I don't know if I want to be with him anymore. It has been a long and hard road. I am very hurt by the things he has done in the past. I feel as though I am the target of all his anger. I am the one who is always wrong and he never wants to take responsiblity for himself. It was always my fault that he gets angry, my fault that we were breaking up, my fault that he cheated, my fault that he was careless with money. I just want him to get better for the sake of the kids. However, I don't know how to leave. He is so sensitive and I don't want to make him even more depressed. How do I get out of this situation? Should I stand beside him if he get's the help he needs? Now that I know that this could be bipolar and he needs medication, if he doesn't get help soon I'm going to have to cut him loose permanently.

  • Anonymous-4

    Ive been through alot of stuff in life and I dont know, i think i use to be happy at some point but somewhere along the way I must have short circuited. Im one of those people that noone really likes cause I can never say the right thing always doing and saying the stupidest things when Im in a "good" mood then my good mood quickly turns to grey when I realize that once again I have hurt someone or said or done something really stupid. Then I go for days so depressed that Im not even sure life is worth living. Somedays I chain smoke thinking that who cares if I do smoke myself to death. Then some nights I lie awake for hours worrying that I have to get up soon, or that I have way too much to do. I worry that I might die of lung cancer because of deep pains in my chest. totally contradictory feelings to the ones the day before where I wished I could just go off somewhere and die. I love deeply the poelpe that I love very passionately. When Im hurt I hurt so deeply. EVERYONE says I wear my feelings out on my shoulders and that I never know when someone is joking. I have feelings of guilt constantly and feel so inadequate. I have has several jobs and lost the one that I loved the most working as a vet assistant because of a major episode where I couldnt even talk right. I was upset and tounge twisted and saying the craziest stuff and walked out on my job. I love animals I generally get along with them much better than people. I like working alone not with people around, taht way my racing thoughts dont freal other people out if I verbalize them. I just keep them inside when there is noone there to listen Im safer that way. One doctor said he thought I had bi polar disorder. I only saw him a couple times because I have no insurance and could not afford him. My regular doctor prescribed lexapro and alazopram because I also have severe and unpredictable panic attacks. The meds I dont know if they are really helping. i recently filed for diability but I haventh eard back from them. Im pretty sure they are denying it. I just know if I go back to work it will be another disaster just like always and then I will feel like a failure again. I have been outta work for 2 1/2 yrs now. My husband knows my condition and he is supportive most of the time, but I know he is putting up with this but I dont know how. I dont want to totally lose it but Ive been having a family crisis lately. All I want is peace in my life thats all I want. Anyone with advice on how I can do some therapy for myself? I cant afford therapy or I would certainly go. Has anyone tried keeping a jouranal and if so does it help? lya7766@yahoo.com Thanks

  • skerica

    reading all of your comments i see many of you that worry about not having a way to pay for treatment....although this is not the most pleasant option, there is help out there free of charge. Most all states fund mental health hospitals. Look up the department of human resources for your state, and look for state mental hospitals, You do not need insurance, if you sign yourself in, they will see you, and if needed, admit you...though it may not be the easiest option, it is one that is available, and can provide anyone with care that is needed, free of charge.

  • KD

    Hi,

    I am 14 years old and I don't know if I have bipolor disorder or very severe anxiety and depression. I have resently been looking dipolor disorder on the internet and I have some of the symptems of the disorder. I found this website and it is pretty comforting that there are some many other people out there that have the same type of proplems. I think if we want to get better enough, we will get to a point that we are satisfided enough with.

    I agree that most of the doctors do not know how to dignose these types of disorders.

  • Anonymous-5

    I am on effexor and lamictal for my bipolar.Some days I act so impulsively I do not remember what happens. Other days i isolate from the cruel world.

  • j

    Lets see...My wife has been diagnosed bi-polar now for about 12 years, dual diagnosis alcoholic/ addict, borderline personality disorder, and as a child oppositionally defiant disorder,also ocd, shell be 27 in a few months. In being with her for 7 years has been a rollercoaster to say the least. Upon the birth of our first child (which would be her child # 4, none of whom she is allowed to see) she suffered a retained placenta and had to have emergency heart surgery to live, a replaced heart valve and pacemaker. After the surgery all hell broke loose inside of her, dissapearing, transient, impulse control probs, Many new boyfriends, all alternating with periods of calm and hospitalizations for physical and psyche. reasons, also with recurring suicide attempts. She developed this scheme for finding women to come home with her so she could be "entertained" which is completely self destructive on its own. She would only seek out these women during "up" times, drinking heavilly and losing any inhibitions. Long story short, forgiveness and hospitalzation forthwith, during a good time we concieve child #2. He is born last May, mom does good for a bit but come summer she enters the " i wanna and need to drink and bring home women" phase, essentially hypomania of sorts. Well by late August she had met a girl I will call "beth". Well wife approaches said girl with offers to live with us, have our baby? , be our girlfriend, pay for beths schooling, and lastly be a stand in wife while she goes away to some inhouse therapy somewhere. Complete relationship self destruction. By the beginning of September after constantly requesting the company of Beth, wife turns on her, attacks her and then tells her to committ suicide. Very bizarre as the comments coming out of her were almost "sociapathic, designed to inflict maximum emotional pain, as she wasnt upset with the wrongdoing, just getting called out by getting arrested, and having to hear that the whole story was relayed by beth to other people. After a few weeks of this stand on and stand off behavior, wife drinking heavilly, comes the anniversary of the birth of her second and third children (twins) which were adopted at birth. Wife completely loses it, drinking, computer acquaintences, etc, gets arrested again for drunk in public. Gets out of jail and moves in with two people she had met a few years back in a psyche facility. Again with the divorce comments and threats, claims she is in love with someone else, all the while these people with similair problems stand by and support her story and newfound self destructiveness, claiming they believe her and support her endeavours at moving on, helping her get a job as a nanny and such. As if its normal behavior to make up excuses and stories about why something is happening, and the big point being missed by them is that it isnt a normal request to just pack up and move on 5 months after giving birth and after witnessing a similair episode in 2005. When informed that the way this has been done and what is happening now with her seeking attention from anyone she can, i have been rebuffed with the she just doesnt want to be with you story, would you support her endeavours to move on with her life bit. Heard that one before. Her bank account is drained, a few days before she left she maxed out her Credit cards, and acts as if something doesnt work out her life is over. The whole situation is disturbing as all I asked for was one person in my life. Well as of now I have the two children, upcoming custody case against her, at least that way she may not show up and take them, basically as much for her ultimate safety as theirs. I do maintain a healthy dose of empathy for her, abuse, sicknes etc. but this does kind of take the cake. I would love to give her the support if she chose to begin to stabalize herself medically and emotionally. I would love to give her the chance to be an effective mom and possibly down the road a spouse. As of now it is the blind leading the blind where she is at, that will probably self destruct at some point. She will move from person to person until she hits the real low point, depression. For now I have taken this oppurtunity to better myself, communication, (50% of our relationship is my responsibility) take care of bills and such.

    Perhaps someone may reccomend a good facility where she may go to have a chance at life if that oppurtunity was to arise. We live in the dc area and have completely lost it with the local mental health communities. A revolving door of sorts, cops come take her for a few hours and return her, they havent arrested her for becoming abusive in some time, they try to cut her slack after she flips out and kicks down doors and hits whomever gets in her way. All in all I ask for assistance with advice as i am concerned her life will be taken by her own hand or a stranger she meets during one of these episodes. During the last episode her life was threatened by a boyfriend and she showed up after a little over a month, Jan 2 06, and weighed 35 pounds less, skin and bones really. This by the way is the 5th time she has gone off to start a new life since her 04 surgery.

    Any advice,

    thank you sincerely,

    j

    Thanks

  • no one

    This really helps to see if you are bipolar or not

  • jennifer

    Please hang on on I know it does not seem worth it at times, but it is. take your medication!!!! and make sure you are on the medication that is right for you. eveyone is individual in everything even with this disorder. I know where you all are comming from I've been there and I and still there. I have been molested by my "father" that my mother would not leave and did not beleive that he molested me she tried to cast demons out of me, told me I was crazy and overall destoyed my sense of self respect. I have a good life now I don't speak to my parents and i have a loving and supporting husband. life does get better. find someone to talk to if you can it really helps. HANG ON!!!

  • Lynn

    My friend is taking care of his exwife's children, which she had while married to him, and only one is his. She has destroyed his life, her children's lifes, her in-laws lifes going broke while helping her. I just do not understand the not wanting to get help when she even says, what have I done to myself. One minute she is trying to have her ex killed, then next calling him and crying telling him she will always love him. Cam anyone explain why you don't take your medicinen

  • Wendy

    Hey Scott from Australia.

    I just want to say that people aren't shallow because they choose not to put up with unstable behaviour. I've suffered from mental illness since I was 4 years old and I'm 35 now. My life is stable now but when I was in my twenties I was all over the place. I had poor impulse control and did not react appropriately to things. No-one should have to put up with my bad behaviour. After being on my own for a while, getting therapy and coming to know God, I got a lot better. When I was unstable I was in no condition to be in an intimate relationship with anyone. It's not fair on the other person to have to put up with dysfunction. I should add to someone's life in a good way and not be pulling them down with all my undealt with problems.

    Seriously, if you're really unstable get help to get healthy before you get involved in a serious relationship. We are each responsible for our own actions. We need to be proactive in getting ourselves well and learning how to relate to people in a respectful way. When we can admit that we are wrong in they way we behave and treat people then we can move forward to becoming a more healthy, productive and giving person.

  • dawn marie

    as i grow older now being 37...i come from a family who suffers different mental illness...i am bi-polar...for years i pushed it away...using drugs to what i now know as self medicate....i just am better today taking my meds and talking to someone who understands that i am sick but lets me know that its not my fault....dont blame yourself it will only drag you down futher into despair...embrace it and work on yourself everyday..asking for help from up above never hurt either...take it from someone who has been to hell and back it can be manage...if the work is applied...

  • theresa

    As a parent, this is quite alot to deal with. We tried to give our daughter the benefit of the doubt about many things, even that maybe she isn't bipolar. Doctors diagnosed her so quickly and easily, that we have always wondered. But the behavior patterns have hurt her, the guys she's been involved with, and our whole family. Now she is pregnant. My husband and I love her dearly. We want to be supportive of her and help her with whatever decision she makes whether to have the baby, keep the baby, whatever. Today I write on this website because I want others to know-this disease hurts many more than just the person inflicted with it. It destroys relationships between siblings, between siblings and their parents, between the parents themselves, between the parents and their siblings also. And I'm not so sure that understanding the disease is enough to alleviate the pain that parents suffer. Some parents can pull together and get past blaming themselves for possibly passing on the gene for the disease but the pain that is suffered trying to find that place is very tough. It is as tough as the actual disease. Never underestimate the fact that this disease does not affect others. When you see a bipolar person that is hurting, there are many other family members of that person that are hurting also. The unfortunate part of the disease is that these people cannot make rational judgements when they are in mania. They do very damaging things to themselves and others. And it's very difficult for us others to forgive them when they are depressed and truly sorry for thier actions. I would hope that in treatment, maybe these people can be taught to forgive us family members that many times have to step back and keep their distance, because many times it is not of our choosing either. Some of us have health issues of our own that need to be considered, and distance is the only way we can handle some of these crisis.

  • vibes

    i have scrolled through all of the comments written...thought i would add my tuppence worth

    im a 29 year old female from uk, i have always been a different child - over achiever, creative, compassionate, strong sense of justice....but never quite on this planet

    from the age of 14, however, a series of life changing traumatic events changed my "lovely view of earth from this planet" - to "im in hell.....or im in heaven"

    nothing made sense, and i didnt make sense to others....but my education always saved me from eternal darkness..regardless of my homelessness, abuse, drugs, drink and violence ....i gained a degree - but again i was on a different planet so god knows what i tapped into to get it....lived in various countries, cities about 50 moves ....most running away in the middle of the night as i lost sense of money, time linear environment and consequences...when i had banging on doors that was my queue to run...

    a few nervous breakdowns..one in a foreign country - isolated myself from the few who loved me...always delved in to violent relationships - scars still evident...but my planet didnt allow me to understand this one...

    i came back to uk after last breakdown which had me slice and dice myself smear it over the walls and with many imagined entities telling me to jump off the balcony...i ran out the door and called my mum...

    the darkness never left me when i got back here..the drinking and drugs continued...my mum, the constant fighter for her daughter - called every group to find out if my symptoms matched their groups...finally she found a match, and a man came to see me - i was catatonic after releasing the energy of being up for days and stopping it by slicing myself all over in a manic fashion to calm me....like a self stop mechanism i had built...

    he took me to the doctor and told him that his professional opinion was that i was bipolar....and so the referral and the treatment began

    8 months after that i started a mechanical engineering degree - from philosophy to engineering haha - and with a few hitches and self harming for the first year...i soon became dedicated to what i was studying - my passion for academia revied!...i stopped drinking, no drugs, lived with my parents, cut out all the friends that i thought were "hangers on to the party/wild/never a dull moment" me....they never called after a month of continuous trying - so just shows you...

    my parents moved us to the country, as i found public places incredibly difficult...and with that move came a new sense of self...."i am me"...i could breathe

    i studied so passionately that my head of department put my name forward for an incredibly prestigious postion with one of the worlds "wow" companies...before i had even completed a half of my degree.

    i studied for it - determined to get it and i was met by the GM gushing over me and saying i remind him of himself..and he will do anything to get me

    my fight against the demon using academia and love as a weapon was a success!.....

    i left my course and was all set to join the "wow" company - who offered me unlimited education and grooming

    then the forms came in...do you take medication?

    yes, lithium 1000mgs.....no other meds at this time or for past 2 years

    phonecall from occupational health nurse.....what happened to you for you to be ill?

    how long has this been going on for?, when did it start? oh you were abused, well im sorry to hear that? i can no longer guarantee your job but iam not qualified to go any further, so please wait 2 weeks for our doctor to contact you

    a month later.....letter to fly down to their medical room for scrutiny...

    suffice to say when i went down there, she called what i have a disease, she said that i can never go on a rig (offshore) as i might go a bit loopy and jump off the mast (?), when am i coming off this medication (i said never, she didnt want to hear that, she said "what so you could be 75 and still on it>? we need a specific time)...she wanted to know why i still see a psychiatrist if i am regulated by meds (!?)..and wants to know when that will stop also

    she also wanted a firm diagnosis...from my specialist

    i have faxed the medical report to the occ health that my lovely pyschiatrist typed - and now iam waiting to see if my diagnosis has blown all the "you are amazing we will do anything to get you, you are so talented and we want to groom you to run this entire outfit"

    this has been 9 months now of jumping through hoops, working 4am to 10am as a cleaner scrubbing toliets....and trying so hard to keep it all under control

    i buckled just the other day - i wept so hard and told my mum i couldnt do this anymore...i still dont feel right, but im scared to see my doctor as it will go into a file - which will then be looked at by every potential (if i ever get employed) medical occupational health...and they will say, oh look a problem...we need it to be clear for 2 years you know

    i feel like a rollar coaster - one minute i am high as a kite and telling them "fuck it" i dont need anyone!, then 2 secs later i am crying hysterically and needing my mum...i havent seen my friends, i dont socialise, i feel dirty and poked and proded at - like being abused again and not being believed....they dont believe that i will be ok in work (they said they are making sure i wont be a danger to other collegues) i now doubt if i wont be a danger...just the same as i doubt if i had been abused or if i asked for it - like they told me over and over.....

    i have no clarity anymore, and dont know what to do with my future - as next year i will be 30 ...what career can i do that accepts my illness?and my age?...i hadnt even realised the gravity of my illness until this..as everyone i know and love just accepts me and my gifts

    so as the title suggest, i guess this is for my own therapy...thanks for reading

  • ellie

    set a schedule , get enough sleep , don't condem your self, get a good therapist, find meds that work, Trileptal an anti-sezure med helps the most then lexapro in am trileptal at night it causes double vision for me

  • Anonymous-6

    I have been working and struggleing al my life, I was Diagnosed very early on with ADHD and allot of the coexsiting conditions and they just kept finding more problems every visit every year it seams A calcified gland dying in my braine giveing me mygraines severe pain and back troubles then in my twenties fibromyalgia I was always thought to have a mental componant but they couldnt ever figure it out untill my 30s and thats when its been downhill for me all my self controll over myself and focus from martial arts has stopped working, I have always had times where I would go 24 to 48 with out sleep or sometimes just go crazy working on stuff and couldnt stop or slow down thats gotten allot worse now and last month I had one with hallucinations and it also took away my legs I could not walk during the episode it was the most scary and dramatic one ever then I was haveing one every couple of days lasting for a day or two or more! Its been a nightmare since I turned my mid 30s and was diagnosed bipolar 2 with skitzoid disorder basically meaning I have no emotions I feel nothing but very angry and blow ups they say I have shut it all off beats me I am just tired of it all! in my teens and twenties I had it under controll now its out of hand and controll and because of so many disorders it is rejecting medications left and right or it also loves to adapt to them meaning they dont work after a month or so very lovely yes I can take anything like painkillers etc and have no addiction or other problems but I also loose the effictive ness of them because of this, like I was on this great drug called mirtazapine it was great the first week I stopped cussing I got my energy back helped around the house started cooking again cleaning was very nice and sweet no fighting with my wife just a great guy again like I am supposed to be then BAM its gone week 2 or 3 wont work no matter what evan higher dose its my body adjusted to it or whatever also had the oppisit with like lithium that one mad me behave and not so pissed of not as much of a mirical as the other one but hey at least it worked but 3 or 4 days into it very sick migraines shakes etc it sucked the stuff that is in salt right out of me I had to eat a half of a container of salt each time they played with lith I said no more to that drug they wanted me to try rideing it out because it was working and well I have allot of drug trouble to much to list here lets just say drugs and docs have come close to killing me to many times to count and if I had money for all the times I was told your not supposed to be alive I would be rich! And yes sometimes I wish I could get that lucky but someone has a very sick sense of humer and keeps me going but then I think of those who are much worse off than me and I just push through the next day and the next set of experiments hopeing they will find what works and makes me feel and act normal!

  • Anonymous-6

    Hyper Sensitivity Is the over noticeing of ones input from the inviroment around them IE food people smells etc I have hyper sensitivity And it gets worse as I get older the smells of people smoke and places will drive you nuts and make you want to hurt someone thank God my state has banned smokeing in all public places also people talking at the wrong times and the way food tastes and feels I cannot stand cheep nasty food I also love sweets but this also makes my disorders worse and so on

    And to all those who posted what can they do etc to change or whatever to make the disorder less and so on

    1: Diet what you eat and drink will greatly affect how you feel daily drink purified mainly distilled water the bad chemicals will put your moods off also balance your diet out not all meat do fish chicken all your food groups possible even visit a nutrishinist they can give you a very good plan to follow for each disorder and bealeve me eating right will throw or help your moods its a chemical imbalance in the brain just like adhd and lay off caffine pop especially sugar pops coffie etc

    2: do martial arts and other forms of meditation it will help when combined with your proper medication if you controll your mind and body like the martial arts teaches then you are more in controll of the emotions

    3: there are also some good pastors for those who prefer or like religion that teach sermons on devorceing or seperating from your emotions very good series it teaches you to follow God not yourself and what you feel and not to jump on a feeling etc

    these all and a stubborn will not give up or quit attitude will produce life changes for you if you stick with it and follow it permanently me I have slacked off so mine has come back plus I dont have the medication component in place yet but if with your docter and possibly a nutishionests help you can make this into some kind of plan of your own that will hopefully change your whole life and make it allot better there is always hope and life is always what we make or choose it to be!

  • Anonymous-7

    I am a man who has not had to endure on a personal level the great pain and anquish of the sad people who pour out their heartbreaking stories on this site.I was drawn to this site among many others because I have fallen in love with a woman who from all appearences to me suffers from either bpd or bi-polar,and I felt it necessary to educate myself so as to be a positive influence in her life,and protect myself as well.Because of the experience of having her in my life,I have learned so,so much about mental illness and the awful carnage and pain it can inflict upon the suffer and loved ones.Before she came into my life,I had no understanding and sadly enough no sympathy for people so afflicted.But quite often good things do come from bad,and in my case the good is an awakening to the extreme suffering of my fellow human beings who have to endure such a terrible blow to the quality of their lives.My heart goes out to all of you,and if I could say anything to give you solace,and make your lives a little better,it would be that you may be surprised that there are lots of people out here who know that your lives are difficult and almost unbearable at times,and have much love and sympathy for you.Please do not give up.

  • Kimberly

    Just for my own sanity, I have been trying to grasp some kind of understanding of the man I was married to for 6 years. Without going in to great detail, I'd like to list several characteristics of my ex-husband's personality and social interactions (in no particular order).

    I would appreciate any insight on what his illness might be (he refused to get help, so he's undiagnosed).

    -had 6 different jobs in the 7 years I knew him -was often reprimanded/written up on the job, but never understood why -found work relationships to be difficult -could never decide what he wanted to do with his life career wise -became less interested in sex the longer we were married -enjoyed only trance/underground music -never stayed with one hobby for long, though he had many -was extremely selfish (I cannot convey in a thousand sentences how very selfish he was in EVERY way) -bought presents for me that usually benefitted him in some way -incurred several thousand dollars of credit card debt without my knowledge -had 8 different types of vehicles within our marriage (usually ones that he loved for a short time, sank untold money into, then would lose interest in -would fixate on things or ideas and could not be persuaded on the illogical or improper structure of his thinking -often argumentative for the sake of being disagreeable (not because he believed what he was saying) -did not obey speed limits -toward the end of our marriage (during our separation) became a chain smoker and heavy drinker, had an affair to which he still will not admit (started out as an emotional affair with 10-12 phone calls a day while shutting off completely from me), even though I have proof in her handwriting -took up recreational drugs (pot) (also used drugs before I knew him) -used his sister's suicide (she was bipolar) as an excuse to check out of our marriage and told me he never loved me and married me because he was lonely (I was also about to have our second son, and our first son was only 14 months old) -was extremely difficult for others to communicate with him -gained 40 lbs. while we were married, then lost it again after our separation -would forget / not care to brush his teeth -was emotionally abusive -had no grasp of financial responsibility -would need to be reminded dozens of times to take care of pressing issues -fluctuated between Christian and Jewish beliefs -suddenly lost interest in things that he had obsessed about -thought very highly of himself and felt only he knew ultimate truth

    The list could go on, but I am hoping from what I have listed that someone will be able to shed some light on what I dealt with for over 6 years. Thank you so very much for your time in reading my post and responding with thoughts you may have related to my post.

  • Becky

    Hi my name is Becky and i'm 25, since i was young i have suffered with hyperactivity and got told i was not to eat or drink alot of e numbers, as i have got older i have realised that it was probably what we now know as adhd and i went through school paying no attention and getting into alot of trouble, after school i also got into drugs and spent many years addicted to speed! I have been through 4 abusive relationships 1 being extream! I am now seeking help for what my doctor has said she thinks could be borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and bipolar. Where do i go for help advice and a real diagnosis! No one seems to be listening or even bothered!! Please email me on beckyrose39@hotmail.com Thanx so much in advance and thanx for taking the time to read this!!

    Kind Regards Becky

  • Anonymous-8

    im 17 years old and ive had severe depression since i was twelve. i have anger problems , become irrtiated by the littlest things, i have extreme paranoia....the list goes on and on. i never admited any of this to my mom because anytime i tell her anything she calls me crazy with out fully hearing me out. a couple of months ago my mom was asking me if im depressed and i lied and told her im fine. she said that bi polor disorder runs in my dads side of the family. i told her that i do get depressed but made it seem like it was not as bad as it actually is. my mom schedued an apointment with a therapist/psyciatrist and we ended up atttending only once. right now im experiencing SEVERE depression and fear telling my mom because she will once again call me crazy.my dad is also bi polar and told me i can talk to him about anything but its difficult discussing this anyone in my family.i have absoulutly no one to talk to about anything. im afraid that i will never recive help or treatment or that it may become more severe than it already is.if anyone can give me information , advice , anything that would possibly help please e-mail me

  • Jennifer

    Kimberly wrote about her husband in January. When I read the post I couldn't believe it. She has described my own husband to a T. We've been only married for 6 months and things are a big mess. I think about how the heck I got to the point where I am and I have no answer for it. He has gone through 3 jobs in less than 2 years. He has no friends and his awful moods and belligerence have chased away all my friends. He drinks every night excessively. He gets angry for absolutely no reason. He almost had me convinced that I was crazy...went to several doctors and found out I'm depressed because I'm stressed out with my home life. He talks constantly about himself and if you try to get a word in edgewise, he'll talk over you or get mad and flip out. He was diagnosed with ADD when he was a boy but there was some questions of whether he had aspergers. He won't get tested for anything. Just fine with going to his new psychiatrist (after I sort of made him go to one and get on medication) and telling him about his older diagnosis and the doctor obviously think it's okay to hand out Aderol to anyone that says they've been diagnosed with ADD without having them tested. I believe he does have ADD but I think there is something else there. He cannot read social cues. People will be busting his balls and he thinks they are being sweet and are the best people in the world...other times people are being really nice to him and he thinks they are being snotty jerks...still there are the times when people get downright sick of him constantly talking about himself and they're rolling their eyes and trying to back out of the conversation and he just doesn' t see it and goes right on talking. The other night he got really angry with me and freaked me out so I had to call a neighbor to get my car keys back from him. (He had taken them and wouldn't give them back so I couldn't leave) Now he is back with his mom who is a complete enabler and I have no idea what to do...by the way we aren't kids (I'm 34 and he's 32). And we don't have kids...we couldn't, I can't trust him with the simplest things let alone a child. Does anyone know what this is that he has? I've been told he could have bipolar disorder (but he doesn't get super depressed) I've also been told aspergers, and then also there is narcissistic personalitly disorder. Someone have any ideas? I'm floating here. Thanks.

  • Todd

    This is Jennifer. I don't know about your husband being bi-polar but he sure sounds like an alcoholic. I happen to be both. Many are. Unless he stops drinking first, no medication will help. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Be grateful that you don't have any kids. You mentioned his mom being an enabler. Well, if you continue to put up with his drinking, then you'll be doing the same thing. I was only able to consider giving up drinking when I was threatened with being kicked out of my house by my mother. I quit in college and remain sober nearly 17 years later. I wasn't diagnosed bi-polar until six years later at 25. If I hadn't been sober at the time, I don't know that I would been able to deal with the clinical depression that hit me. Anyway, I think you need to give your husband some tough love. Get him to sober up. I he can't, then you might have to leave him. I can't tell you how many guys I have met who only got sober after there wives left them. It's not easy, but neither is it easy to live with someone who drinks every night. Good luck to you.

  • Joe

    I have been struggling my whole life with which is apparently manic depression. I really don't want to admit it but, I seriously need professional help. I am 29 and have ruined every relationship I have ever had. It is nice to know I am not alone. To all the girls going through a tough relationship....It is not your fault.

  • Anonymous-9

    My son has just been diagnosed with Maniac/Depression I have been married for 36 yrs to an Alcoholic, 4 yrs ago he stopped drinking Alcohol and is now trying to cope with the relationships he has damaged with his children. We have 2 beautiful children, daughter 27yrs and son 28yrs. and a 7yr old Grandson whom we adore. My daughter had her son at 19years and lived with us until she shifted in with her fiance 7 months ago.

    My son shifted out when he was 18 as he could not cope withn his fathers drinking,but 2 years ago we bought him back home as he life was in a heap. He used to be a Chef, but split up with his partner of 5yrs,kicked out of his aprtment and had no where to go and could not cope with the pressure of being a Chef anymore. All the symptoms are there, cannot cope with money, sleeps day and night, not motivated to do anything and when he is motivated we cannot understand his reasoning.

    He has a Casual nightshift job which they have just asked him to apply for a F/T position but does not know if he wants to do this as he does not know if he can cope,even tough the extra$$$$ will help his financial situation.It is as if he just goes through life and does not care,but now I am starting to understand his frustration and his anxieties.

    My journey begins again as now I am starting to find out about Manic/Depression to be able to support my son through those dark days he continues to have, I live in hope that for all those people who have this problem there has to be something to be done to help them through life. My husband blames himself but I think this will be a healing time for him on this Journey because we are FAMILY and I belive that that if we stick together we will all come through this better people than what we are

    Thank you for listening becuase even these people suffer every day of their life, for those who love them dearly also suffer in silence around them being frustrated as we cannot help them, just riding the wave waiting for them to come out of the Depression and assisting them to get back on their feet again until the next time Depression hits them and hopefully give them a little bit of quality of life.

  • Ron

    My wife has been making "non expert" comments and amateur diagnoses about what we thought were mood swings on my part. However, according to the defintions outlined within the article, my so called mood swings are not really that at all. They are simply just normal everyday mood changes. That is reasssuring.

  • jim

    My Comminlaw wife or should i say X says Im bipolor,she called everyone we know and told them.She also says my doctor dianosed me as one.I dont ever recall him saying this to me,so went and asked the doc am I bipolor,he said no.I am what you call situation depression,I dont like my situation cant change it so it makes me sad.Or can I change it,Im no longer living with someone who use to refer me as bipolor man.But Im still sad,really messed up.O ya,I think its because I miss my daugter so much,its been a week since I seen her talked to her.I dont even know when Ill see her again.I dont know were they are,and the cops say if I try to find them I will be charged with criminal harrassment.Go to court,dont pass go.

    Now after reading about bi polor Im starting to think I am,not.I have normal mood swings,so people stop being so general.When a person gets sad or happy you got to ask y,if they can give you a quik answer ,their most likely human. I guess I dont like abuse,yes i said abuse.Im I the only guy 230lbs,who doesnt like being beat up by a 120lbs woman?because it use to drive me into a rage,by the way I never hit her back,though she did deserve it.I just said some nasty words,not much different than the ones she used.NOW I AM ALONE,hate it.

    I always wonderd why my wife was so sad and happy,she couldnt teel me.

  • Debbie

    My boyfriend of 2 years was just diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. He has had episodes in the past, mania, irrability and could be very abusive (verbally) especially to me.

    Now he tells me that he's been with another man and woman sexually but couldn't control it. He's sorry and wants me to forgive him. I understand that he is sick but does this disorder make you turn gay?

    Someone help me!!

  • fiona

    Hi,

    I think that I have Bipolar Disorder, that bipolar disorder may be due to the brain damaging effects of psychosis which is a bacteria neurological breakdown of my brain due to the late stages of untreated syphillis. I can sense some sort of neurotic narcissm on me,

    i'm scared.

    really cared,

    but its something that I have to admit.

    i'm going to get myself checked this week and hopefully treated syphillis,

    but i have no health insurance or medicare.

    i don't know what i should do.

    I live in minnesota and I would like to get pyschiatric help from one of the specialists at the University of MInnesota, but will they charge me money?

    I'm really depressed now,

    understanding that all the intellectual information that i pieced out and processed together was nothing more then a brain damaging deficiency caused by by an std. Bipolar disorder is slowly engulfing me.

    I wish this never happened to me.

    I wish i can go to college and learn properly,

    I wish i can stay consistent with my activities and myself.

    I'm realing that I have an issue,

    a bipolar issue caused by psychosis.

    any comments or concerns, email me at foxyfionefiona@yahoo.com

    medical help or referrals would be great.

    this is just too much information and realization going through my head today.

  • Bex

    Hi read your little piece, the answer is no! just because you partner had sexual liasons with a man does not make him gay, just needed to feed the un quechable thirst that he has when going threw a cycle of his bipolar disorder. Sex is not a talked about thing in bipolar but is important to understand yet the only ones who know are those that live the experience on a yearly basis whilst going threw a cycle like i said. The doctors don't really approach it if ever. Its hard to explain but on a hot day have you ever tried to quench your thirst but felt like your getting know where despite how cold you make your drink or how much you actually drink seems to make no difference. Sex for us is exactly the same no matter how much you have it its never enough you just need more and it doesn't matter whether you are physically attracted to that person or not there are severe extremes. At the other toss of the coin they might not want it for months and months and the slightest touch of another human be it a kiss or a cuddle makes you want to dissappear. God help those who live with us sometimes i think my partner deserves a medal for patient and devotion. hope this has helped

  • Ben

    I myself have BiPolar and never felt any attraction for a man. He can not blame his unfaithfullness on his disorder. I have never wanted to cheat on my girl friend. He needs to get his act togeather.

  • Steve

    HI,

    I dont sleep much due to racing thoughts. I also have terrible mood swings one second im laughing the next im irritable and mean. Then I get depressed. I have Wild thoughts things that are so untypical and some so farfetched its insaine. I have feeling of loving life then times where i just want to give up and just live in the wild. I dont know if I have bi-polor from what i have read i belive i do i recently seen a doctor and he said these symptoms may mean im Bi-polor. I just wanted to write this it makes me feel better. I am young and I want to enjoy my life however I feel right now that I just cant I feel as if im just going to fail...

    Thanks..

  • Anonymous-10

    I SERIOUSLY BELIEVE THAT I DONT HAVE A DISORDER, BUT HERE LATLEY I HAVE BEEN HAVING SOME VERY INSANE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS OF ANXIEOUSNESS, SCARED AND FEELINGS OF DYINGS OR POSSIBLY HURT A LOVED ONE DEEP DOWN I KNOW I WOULD NEVER HURT ANYONE BUT I DONT KNOW WHY I WOULD EVEN BE HAVING THESE THOUGTS CAN ANY ONE HELP ME?

  • Susie Q

    I've felt prolonged depression since I was a kid. I thought at first its the environment of my family. Tho now that I'm an adult & still emotional breakdowns come & go I'm starting to think its not my environment but ME... the disturbance is coming from within me... Ive planned to see a psychiatrist tho I dunno know where to start... I just shut myself from the world when im down tho lately I try to go on w/ my daily life.. good thing I got a work to keep me movin tho sometimes it affects my judgement & rpoductivity for my work.. I just simply dunno what to do.. I dunno if i got family & friends who would actuallyunderstand what im goin thru its too heavy.. they got problems of their own...

  • Anonymous-11

    Hi, Although I share great pain for my nephew , I am unable to help him due to my husband complex illness(he is an amuptee) ,Tommy, my nephew had a very trumatic childhood, his mother left him and gave him little or no survival skills, he lived with his stepfather who blamed him for leaving him, his Mother sold drugs and cared less for the welbeing of her kids. Tommy is a good boy, however, he was tossed out on the streets during his early childhood years, with no home the streets became his home. His Mom died when he while he was in Jail, {he was in and out of jail| He was unable to attend his Mother's funeral but was allowed to see her before she was burried. Our family couldn't keep up with him he was always in and out of the system. One day through making numerus phone call I located him four months ago. His Brothers and sisters celebarating with him his Birthday and welcome home. They begged him to keep in touch although noticed he was very disconnected and dispayed severe mood swings and saddness. After the family reunion (Three weeks) we found out that he had Stabbed a dancer in the skull, face and body. Today he is locked up and was diognosed with Bipolar and will face 10 years or more in jail. Please Help him, he is a good man he only needs a fighting chance (This is a story of Niglect and Abuse) I am afraid he will be abused and neglected all over by the system) Is there any way He can get legal help for his situation? or Medical attention he so desperaly needs. Is there a Bipolar Legal Support . Sincerely....Concerned Relative.

  • abusedwifebipolarhusband

    I've been with my husband for close to 10 years, we have two great children. The kids and i have been in a shelter for battered women for the last 5 months. he has been abusive on and off for the last 10 years but he mania sent me to the hostbital this last time and his full rage was witnessed by both our children. I finaly relised that I was not helping him by not telling anyone, and not calling 911. That If I didn't get help for myself he could do real damage to me or the children and then he would be in real trouble. He did have to spend some time in jail for the asult, but now he is getting help and has finaly been put on medication to treat the depression and the mania instead of just the depression. The kids and I havent moved back with him, but we see him now, and hope to live with him again in the near future. Hope, Faith and Love is all I have left to give my husband, I will stand by his side as long as my children and Myself are safe in doing so.

  • nick guevarra emp

    HI, Ive been working here in middle east for almost 4 years, as of now i encounterd about myself deppression,either manic or just bipolar, i always thinking in a negative ways other than positive way, even i got recieve a good news like promotion, getting visa from other country, but still im not happy and still thingking of problem rather than solution, somtimes i not in good mood to eat, im always look sad and depressed, aside from far from my family, i feel longing that i feel only with me.

    In work i feel always agitated, sad and easily to get upset and sometimes i want to outburst my agitation, becuase what i feel is because of my work, they are the one who stop my career in thinking they are selfish my manager, even my company has a reputation, but the management is not good. and i want to revenge, and feel to hate them, thats why maybe my feeling is alwys sad

    please understand my grammar and english for justification of my problem.

    Note: why i cant understand my feeling i graduated in Psychology having experience as Psychologist for ! years in Rehabilitation ctr, but still i cant understand and i need advice for my severe depression

  • bipolarguy

    Its tough especially the depressed stage and if one is living alone. The depression is devastating, one loses interest in work and play. But with God and lots of community activities plus regular exercise and walking plus keeping busy I believe its bearable , one can cope.

  • Anonymous-12

    My experience with depression begins at an early age. My parents, especially my father would say that as a yougster I would always cry.

    As an adult I have lacked the ability to express myself in many situations.Feeling as if I have to comply with things when I really don't want to do something, etc.

    I have depressed all of my life. I have been in therapies for over 30 years and have tried various medications, from lithium to my current four meds that I take.

    I am with a LCSW now. The therapy that she uses is called modern psychoanalytic therapy. Here the patient says whatever is on his mind. I like going to therapy to learn how to live a stable and productive life. And I have gotten to the point where I would like to become a psychoanalayst.

    I have take two courses at an analytical school and find the work to be way about my level of learning and comprehending the material. At the same many of the LSCW and psychologists have had difficulty also.

    The depression that I experience affects my whole life. I distance from people. I have gained weight and have asthma attacks. not that often. I have work in education as an elementary school intern and found it difficult to focus on school work and planning. I get so expansive. I have also worked as a musician where I am able to play over four to five hours of music and I did play four hours non stop. It was amazing. My therapist said that it because I have always wanted to perform and it was apart of my being. Something I always wanted to do. However, after leaving my school job I had an opportunity to try music as a professional player but was unable to sustain a living with my expenses. Health care was 1000.00 a month. The sad part is that I have enormous talent but feel so depressed because I can't apply it to something.

    I have tried studying psychotherapy for personal benefit and there were moments when I did well. then there were times when I was depressed and wasn't able to comprehend what I was reading. In fact, I just withdrew from an on-line masters in psychology course because I felt there was too much to do and that I couldn't handle the expectations without experiencing more stress in my life.

    Depression is a total mental distortion. It really makes a fool out of it's victims. In my case. both parents suffered from mood and major depression. The bi-polar disease is very familiar in the household that I grew up in. As an adult the depression affects my decisions and sometimes are I get impulsive. For example going on massive shoping sprees.

    This has really affected my marriage. Meanwhile my wife has a similar vice she likes the slot machines and spending is like..live for today that tomorrow is not here. We are in a terrible bind with a huge amount of debt raising three children through private schools and giving them things we really couldn't afford.

    Having an abandonment disorder is part of the depression. Getting mad when I should is always a challenge. I have learned over the years that this is going to be with for my life. And to do the best that I could. The comparison traps really stunt my personal growth.

  • Anonymous-13

    It is sad to see how little the world really did advance in diagnosing and treatment for "bipolar disorder" to date. If I have a look at the internet today it is far more complicated and more confusing than 14 years ago.

    I recently had to change doctors and it is really frustrating to sit in front of someone that don't really under stand this shadow that is always with me and is part of me "and is me"

    It took me sometime to find direction in my life and is still putting a lot of challenges to me in my normal day life, "but" it is possible to have a life with Bipolar. One of the biggest things is to learn out of ones own mistakes, and to know there will be times you will never be able to explain and understand if you look back.

    Life has it's up's and downs for everyone mine is just a bit more sever than what a average person will feel in life.Please don't look at us as helpless, we sometimes do need a bit more help than the average person but we can be productive and human like everyone els.

  • Tiffany

    Over the last year or so I have started massive mood swings. In May I started feeling really depressed, I had no self esteem, I faught all the time with my boyfriend, had massive mood swings out of no where, I ended up having to send my son to stay with my dad for a few days cause I was just not capable of taking care of him,I felt like I was a complete failure at everything and even thought about killing myself a few times.

    I was going to go to the doctor but then it all seemed to go away & things were great again for me. In August all of those feelings started over again but this time it seems even worse. When I have my massive mood swings I have actually become violent towards my boyfriend 3 times. Prior to this I had never hit anyone cause I'm normall so easy going. I just don't feel like myself & I know something has got to change.

    I didn't really think of myself as bipolar before the more I read about it the more I wonder if that is what is wrong with me. Reading this article its makes it sound like it is written about me cause I've been going through every feeling & had every thought mentioned. I made an appointment to talk to someone about all of this in hopes I can get help if this is what is going on with me. My relationship with everyone, my son, boyfriend, friends, family basically my whole life depends on it.

  • Linda

    I am bipolar and have been taking medication since I was 21. It has been a hard road. I don't envy anyone who has this illness. I am finally at a job I like in retail. I have a boyfriend who I enjoy being with but I still struggle alot with maintaining an interest in things like jobs, relationships, etc. I worry about Christmas and the holiday's this year. I always get even more depressed around the holiday's because I don't have any money. I have to rely on a family member to support me while I work for benefits. Is there anyone out there who has these issues like me? If so, please write to me. I would love to hear from you!

  • Angie

    Hi there to all who suffers under this dark cloud. Like all i have been on antidepresents, sleeping tablets, docters, ext for year untill one day i decided that i cant live on this planet alone anymore. I got so distant from life and the medication helped only temporary. I turned inwards and ignored any and all love and help from the outside. Then one saturday morning 10 years ago i found the cure.......... at that point i was swallowing hand full of tablets from docters, just to cope.

    I was sitting in the garden and wished death would visit me and take the pain and darkness away..... while i was sitting there for hours i realised that for some reason the cloud started lifting. At that point i didnt question - i just enjoyed this wonderful gift. After months of doing this..... go into the garden and do gardening for at least 5 hours - i realised that nature herself was healing me. The sun light was one of the main mediations. I havent been on any medication for the past years.

    Yes at times it feels like my whole world is tumbling but then i use my medication........... it is free. It works immediately. And it is in abudance. And i have found myself in this mad and crazy dark world.... and what i have found is fun. It is great to be alive.... I might be bipolar but there is people out there who is suffering more than me. For you my friends, i am sending a package of my medication and a extra package stack with love. You are not alone out there!!!!!!!!!! Enjoy your free medication.

  • Andrew

    I have had bipolar disorder for the last 4 years. Currently, I'm 24. It gets hard. My family takes care of me and I have $25,000 in college debt. One thing I tell myself is I'm a person of worth. This makes me feel a little better about myself. I sit back and hope that the medication will eventually work and I will be able to live a normal and productive life.

  • living with bi-polar also

    I was diagnosed in 1998 as manic bi-polar with borderline personality dissorder. The best advice i can give anyone who either has one of these disorders or is close to someone that has one of these disorders, is to be patient, and read everything you can get your hands on about these illnesses.Any info is helpfull.My llness has ruined sevral relationships, jobs and friendships.With informatio you will better understand what we are going through on a daily basis.And yes sexual pramiscuity is part of the illness, our judgement is impaired, and we live for the moment when we are manic.our brains dont function like people who dont have this illness. In a depressed mood if even the slightest bit of our day goes wrong, its like the whole world is falling down on us.When we're in a manic stage we are so extremly happy and we sometimes even feel "high" that we have no idea what were going to do next and every idea sounds like a good one no matter how dangerous , or how it might hurt someone.So please get educated and be patient with the ones you love.Support and love us!!

  • Sofie

    Hi,

    Thank you so very much Angie (Comment- Nov 5th 2008). You are so right on about finding a cure in nature and I'm so please someone else understands how powerful we can be in our own treatment.

    I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in 2005 but suspected I suffered from the "disorder" for many years prior to my diagnosis. I used alcohol and marijuana daily to "self-medicate" before undertaking a course of Zoloft in 2005.

    I have not taken any meds for bi-polar since 2005 and have learnt how to control the mood swings independantly. The power of the mind is absolutely phenomenal. The more attention we give the disorder the more apparent the symptoms become. You have the power to control this.

    As Angie said, next time you feel a downhill swing coming on, step outside and point your face towards the sun. Then smile. Even if it feels fake / forced / silly just do it for a minute or two. You'll start to feel better and by removing yourself from the situation that caused you to spiral, you will be able to gather your thoughts and assess the situation a little more rationally.

    Exercise is also very powerful. If you can somehow get into a routine where you start your day off IN NATURE whilst exercising, you'll begin to feel better and become master of your own mental stability. Start your day off like this thinking happy thoughts and being grateful that you have been given one more day on this earth. If you push yourself hard enough, the mania won't be so tough for others to handle also as you will be physically tired.

    I'm not saying meds are bad. In 2005 I was very depressed and hospitalised following a suicide attempt. They were helpful to me during this time as (I'm sure many of you who ar reading this will know) sometimes it is v hard to see any light when it feels the darkness is within us. It's whatever works for you.

    I will say this, however. Whilst they helped me out of my depressive state, I was only taking them for 4 months or so as I already felt better. Everyone told me to continue taking them but I wanted to do something for myself. I didn't want to rely on them my whole life and have always felt that our minds are more powerful than any physical catalyst in treatment such as meds. I knew they had helped me but I would have rather have never been in that dark place to begin with. Since I made this decision, the darkness has never returned.

    Sure, I still feel it approaching sometimes. This is why we have been diagnosed with a condition. But I go for a jog, listen to positive music and practice affirmations in my mind such as "I am so happy, thank you for everything I have, thank you for the ability I have to control my mind and prevent it from swinging out of control." I smell the roses and appreciate the beautiful colours they offer. I once again become my own master.

    If I drink alcohol or smoke pot this becomes very difficult. It's like the mind/body/spirit connection gets out of whack and nothing works right. We really should try to steer clear of alcohol and drugs all together. Really. I know it's hard. Trust me. And I'm certainly no angel, I still slip up from time to time and have to wear the consequences. It's so ironic. Having bi-polar makes alcohol and drugs such a very very bad idea but having bi-polar makes alcohol and drugs so very very appealing. I believe they are more appealing to us than others so it's a challenge everyday (and every party) not to give in to the temptation.

    We have the power within us to heal ourselves. It will be possibly the hardest thing we will ever have to do but it is completely possible. Look within your own mind, it is the most powerful tool you will ever have, and look to nature - there is so much we have to be greatful for.

    Best of luck, fellow masters.

  • simon

    Does anyone have any thoughts/experience of complimentary therapies (good or bad) being used to manage Bi polar?

    Editor's Note: We provide information on complementary and alternative medicine approaches for bipolar disorder in our Alternative Mental Health Medicine topic center.

  • Cassandra

    Hi, I'm 17 years old and was recently sent to a therapist because of an extreme change of my mood. Right away the therapist was trying to talk me into going onto medication because i showed signs of Bipolar disorder and depression. My mother and I listened and almost agreed.We decided to try and wait before jumping onto the medication and believe it or not in a few weeks i grew out of the funk i was in.I was going through a hard time but I am so happy i didnt listen to the therapist because I could still be on the medication years from now but instead I am moving foward in my life being a happy young lady. I just want everyone to always try and think for themselves and talk to family before jumping into anything serious like medication for a diagnoses youre not even sure about. Always keep your eyes open and stay informed with yourself and what you feel is right for you.Sometimes I feel as though some of these therapist and doctors just want to do whatever will bring them money and it wont hurt to get a secound opinion just to make sure you are making the correct decision.

    Editor's Note: Many instances of depression will remit on their own. Medication and/or other treatments make sense when there is a depression present of extended duration (more than a few weeks, unremitting), or in the case where there is a history of recurrent depression. If there are severe symptoms such as suicidality, immediate professional care is needed.

  • krishna

    i've been reading through some of the comments . I feel everyones pain. I i am severley depressed. It's like theres times i can take on the world and there are times i feel like there is no hope. I feel like a failure . i am so frsutrsted , angry , scared and lost. It seems like i can't get hold of my life you know to take contraol. Every single thing knocks me down. I use sex , drugs , cigaretts , alchol just to num the pain but it's all just temporary.The pain of depression / anxiety is unberadble sometimes. Its like you got so much to deal with but you don't know where to get started. I am 24 and have had depression i think from the age of about 16/17. Over the years it's got progressivley got worse where i am at the point of "what the hell am i going to do". The thing is with depression is that it's all our thinking if we change that then life would be so much easire. Man i feel for evryone here . i am knd new to this since this is like the 1st time i wrote abou this my e-mail address is krishna100@hotmail.co.uk. Please tellme how anyone can get through this or if you just wanna chat. talking does help and especially to someone who is suffering the same as you . any way take care hope to speak to you soon.

    god bless

  • brandon

    Hi, Im sorry that this is what ive been going trew, please let me explain briefly. I love my girlfriend so much and she is bi-polar. She says she doesnt need meds and shes scared to take them. I do everything that i can right for us in our relationship. She has gone trew 2 cycles were she up and left.. She moved back to her moms and sends me hurtful emails telling me shes braking up. I dindnt do anything to make or say anything that would hurt her. But she has said things that ive said that are so wrong yet i never meant anything in a bad way at all. Ive talked to her telling her how i feel and that id love nothing more then for us to be toghter again. Also telling her that theres gotta be a way we can figure out how to cope with her diss-order. I wish i new how to find a way for her not wanting to leave and hurt me. Shes 30 and was born with bi-polar and her brother is as well. Im 26 Im very lovable and i dont hurt people. If anyone can please help me at all thank you so much. My email is...physcadelic21@aol.com and im sorry for any inconvinence. Take care...Brandon

  • marlene

    hi- im sick of life -all the troubles and pain- wish i could die tonite

  • karen live in uk

    Im a 33 yr old women whos not had a gr8 start in life i had a shit child hood grew up being called ginger , then i lost one of my children in cot death and it kinda started off there. Ive just Finished in a 5 yr Relationship the first couple of yrs was amazing we could go everywhere together but in 2006 everything that was gd turned into shit we started to drift apart he started drinkin more i started to get parranoid about were he was , what he was doing . We fort violently and social services was called and we got warnings if things didnt get bak to normal they were gonna take my kids away. I have 4 kids A 13 , 7 ,1 and a 2 . i am fighting to keep them . December was diagnosed with bipolar with rapid cycles done crazy things lately my 13 yr old has been my rock and i dnt no how i will cope if i lose them especially her. So not only have i got this crazy disease i have got the biggest fight of my life goin on too . is any one is this same situation as i am any advice would be welcome ? ?

  • Frank

    i kno people with bipolar. they scare me sometimes.

  • not important

    i suck at life. i feel like crying

  • bekah

    Hi my name is rebekah i have suffered with manic depression.. i was diagnosed as a child in grade school and even prescribed medicine and treatment for anger management.. My mom is a psychologist and doesnt believe in "mental meds" so i never got the medicine needless to say, i have never been to another psychologist or psychiatrist since then and i guess i got used to denying that i have a problem.. my bipolar disorder has ruined many relationships and close friendships i feel defeated and used up sometimes and at other times i feel like nothing could be better-- small things trigger these swings for me they come rapidly and can last for weeks or sumtimes end quickly.. i am now in a relationship with a man who at times is the love of my life and at other times i feel is just there for personal pleasure... if you have any advice.. well then again if ur reading this ur probably looking for something too...

  • Peg Gordon

    Hi

    My son has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder about a year ago after being ill for 2 1/2 years. He is on medication but is having problems getting a job and getting back to a normal life style. He is 33 years old and has been married for 3 years. He seems to be slow at speaking and seems a little spaced out at times. Please let me know how I can help get him back to a normal life and help him find work. Thank you so much for your help.

  • Charles

    My wife was given lithium at the hospital where she is in the psychiatric ward. She is 37 years old and has suicidal thoughts and displays alot of symtoms related to bi polar disorder. I know a less stressful enviroment could help her feel better and forget the everyday worries of life. I lived in one of those places myself for 9 years. I suffered a severe stroke at age 16 and was diagnosed with affective psychosis around 25. Yes, it meant forgetting everything and living life as if nothing bothered me. But I drew SSDI and lived in a HUD site for disabled people. But it was easier to live there at a HUD site surrounded by people whom were like me verses being out in the real world with problems and things that aggitate most. Example: the rent was 1/3rd ones SSDI.. And it included free electric, free heat, free water and sewage, free cable, $25 per month air conditioning, offered maintence, security, cameras on parking lot, pool room, arts & crafts room, $10 bus pass for one month and buses went all over town. My alternative was to be a burden to my family. It let me live indepently and be my own person. Hung around bi polar people and people in wheelchairs. I am ambulatory( walk). I rode a Yamaha Razz 49cc, went camping, fishing, went to movies, ect.. Just out to get out. Hospitals were within 2 blocks and it was right up town across the street from the university. I am thinking of moving back though, because it is cheap rent and I am still legally disabled. I draw SSDI still. But that is my thoughts, that living in a less stressful enviroment. There are hundreds of cities around the country that offer housing for disabled people.

  • lost in canada

    Its a strange feeling when you honestly have no control over your own emotions. I hate that my mind, body and soul has defied me in ways that make it sometimes hard to live, and leave me feeling worthless. One minute im a woman of the world on top of it and believing in everything, it can be within seconds, i feel lost, broken down, and totally worthless. Its a scary battle to try and fight when you dont understand yourself. I sometimes look back and truly do wonder why my boyfriend has stayed with me after almost 6 years. He has made his mistakes, but i go from one extreme to the next. He used to say that to me, one minute your fine and happy and the next minute your mad and depressed about nothing. And most of the time it really is over the stupidest thing or actually nothing. I have yet to see a doctor or to even admit except for the forum that i know i have bi-polar. I have no idea where my future will go, or how long he will put up with my moods and depression, it is making his life a rotten hell, but i pray that for anyone else out there that feels as worthless as i do that somewhere the light starts to shine. ....sincerely .... just someone trying to figure it all out

  • Marie

    Hey. I believe I am Bi-polar. I especially believe it now reading these blogs. I have suffered from feelings of loneliness, inadequacies. I self medicate just to feel "normal".I sometimes feel I can take on the world and at other times I am severly depressed. I need help.

  • cathy

    i am not sure weather my boyfreind is bipolor or not his mom tells me he is, he is all the time mean and nasty can change from loving mood to irrational in a matter of seconds and always claims everything is my fault. he often talks to himself and then comes to this conclusion, can you please help with your opinoins of this matter. thank you cathy

  • Laurie Davis

    For Frank, who is scared by bipolars -- speaking for myself, Frank, I can be a very scarey person! Well, maybe just unnerving, because I can switch on and off so quickly. Part of me wants to say "be afraid be very afraid". The other part of me says "Try not to be afraid, make yourself scarce if you have to and we will understand." But there is some profound suffering in this illness. Bekah: the sudden weeping really gets me, too. I may find myself running out of the grocery, uncrtontrolable heaving sobls, because my brand of boullion wasn't there. It's ridiculous!

    Due to increasing rage, I have turned to self injury, which stops the other feelings temporarily -- dont try this at home! I have a very high IQ, and trust me, smarts dont' mean a thing if youre so sad and mixed up and messed up that you cant function. I've about run out of freiends I think I just bring people down too much. I hate when that happens to me, so I can see their side of it. But I cant do this alone, so getting very frightened. Cant do support group due to my "skin being peeled off" and too sensitive to others' problems and pain. HANG IN THERE EVERYONE! Dont quit looking for solutions! I want ECT (Electro-Convulsive Therapy) and no one will try it on me. Supposed to help you "snap out of it" but not a permanent solution.

    JUST SHUT UP, AND GET HUGS WHEREVER YOU CANis what has been working lately. You get a sweet moment of caring, you don't bring anyone down, and they'll let you come back for more. (Hear me smlling? Feels good even for a second).

  • Kc L

    I have not been diagnosed with it, but it has been thrown around by my therapist that i might be. It is tough at times, going into these really long terms of depression, im finally on my "up". Such a wonderful feeling, granted on how im also sick with something else. I wish doctors would figure out what though.

    Being bipolar has affected both my work, school, and home life. Everyone notices it when I go between my "up" and my "downs". They really let me know when they can tell on my "downs". I get suicidal. Its pointless though, suicide is. I don't even understand how I could go from being so happy and hyper and then want to go kill myself because i feel like the world hates me.

  • san

    hello to anyone with BP that might be readin this. I am familiar with the disorder as i was a writer for a bp drug treatment..but now i am learning about it from the inside. my husband is showing symptoms but is not diagnosed. do you recall experiencing agitation to the point that you were not clear what you were angry about? my husband has turned our marriage into a hate zone, and i dont know how to save the marriage without threatening to leave him. I would never abandon someone in need of help, but he does not see that he needs help. he tells me not to stay in a loveless mariage and to ask myself why i would if i did. is this kind of talk common for someone in denial? what action should i take? i want to do what is right, for BOTH of us. for me, i cant live feeling hated all the time. another concern is many of the bp drugs cause weight gain and he is already obese.

  • Holly

    I am a married mother of two, I was told by my doctor about a year ago that I am bipolar. I have had a really hard time for years and I gess I always felt that I was different, so I was not really shocked when my doc told me. But latley I have been fighting with my parents becuase they do not think bipolar is real, but I have had problems since grade school and my parents refused to seek help thinking nothing is wrong.Now that I am an adult I know deep down that my doctor is right and my seroquel has really made a big differance. But because I am in a manic phase they asume its just deppresion and only I truly know how much the meds help for the most part. Granted thank god for my husband he has been so great, I gess my trouble is how do you get your family to understand without beating you down, emotionly I mean. Its just so hard any way and the lack of family support really sucks. Not to mention the fact that if they really new me it explains all of my behavor when I was a teen and in school , The schools were always saying I was ADHD or I had behavor problems. Now I look back and think how could they not help me. Now I am 29 and they want me to go to a natural medicine doctor becuase god forbid I am. I just do not understand why they can not except me for me and that makes it so much harder. I know they care but them running me down and trying to change what just is.really makes me feel like shit.. HELP

  • ebt

    I have been dx with bipoar or 6 years. It has not been since the last 23 mths that I have been compliant. I have been uninsured for these 6 years and have sought tx from local and state programs. My county even has a local NAMI org that has montlhy meetings. I believe the best regime for me is medication compliance, searching for tx for bipolar...I told my psych if I could try an anti-depressant as a result...which works, accepting the dx and talking to close family and church professionals since I cant afford psychotherapy. I have found for myself that spirituality plays a major role for me. would condemn and blame myself.In response to-san- try the National Association for Mental Illness (NAMI) for support and information. Dont rule out professional counseling for you and the marriage, so you can cope. Help your husband to research the right cocktail of medications: I take a mood stabilizer, an antipsychotic, an anti-depressant, and a pill for insomnia. Dont give up on your marriage without accessing all possible options.Be encouraged.

  • monique

    Im 30 yrs old and have been living with my bf for 2 yrs &he is 27 yrs old. I have never bn happier or sadder in my life. Actually, for the first yr and a half I didn't even know he had bipolar disorder. He is the most beautiful, brilliant, loyal and complex person I have ever known. We've had more problems struggling with my alcoholism initially and then his sister put pressure on him to tell me about his disorder. I 've grown with him in so many ways and I have never been so in love. We've broken up and he left for his hometown to be closer with his family. We got back together within a week. I never want to let him go and i have never been like this about a man before. He is the most emotionally expressive and effective communicator I have ever met. A person should never give up on someone they love just bcs they have a flaw like bipolar disorder..ps it doesn't give them a green light for cheating either.

  • 19 year old female

    im needing help but dont know what to do, i feel stupid going to the doctors and asking for help because last time i went i pretty much got laughed at.

    i would very much appreciate if someone could relate to how i feel and help me if possible.

    its not asthough im unhappy i just find it hard to shoe that i am happy. my mood swings are absolutly awful and i always feel low and annoyed with everything. i have recently started to take my anger out physically on the people that are closest to me and the ones that i love. in this year alone i have attacked my dad twice, attacked my boyfriend twice and only on saturday i lashed out at a woman in the street who caused some problems in my family.

    i know that its totaly unacceptable and that i have no excuse to do it but i cant help myself. i am loosing everybody i have extremely quickly. some things have happened to me in my life to make me resent people but again thats no excuse. all i want to do is be the averafe young woman and be happy and i want to make those around me happy too but unfortunatly this is not an opption for me at the moment.

    i thought i was like any other teenager who would grow out of the mood swings but its not happened for me yet. i have had a mental health councilor and im not ashamed to say thet but i stopped treatment a few years ago and now im worse than i could ever be.

    when i was 8 years old i was sexually assaulted and when i finished school and went to college the man that did it to me is also studying at college and i dont know wether to cry or lash out at him everytime i see him.

    i want to know what is wrong with me so i can finally get myself the way i should be.

    if anyone can help i would be very grateful, Thankyou

  • Lea

    I know that bipolar is a disorder that you cannot help that you have, but you can go to therapy and stay on your meds, my ex husband of 17 years totally reuined mylife, we were married about 17 years, and had 1 child together, he beat me from the time I was pregnant with her on, he would disappear on weekends and not tell mewhere he was, he would dream of being a "rock Star" and spend money at recording studios, I am not talking a few hundred dollars, but 5,000. a week end. He owed money for taxes so I took a job and gave him my paychecks to pay for the taxes, the problem with that, he never ever did, I was in business with him, so that even made it more difficult to deal with. I am not perfect, but I can say that I never beat anyone, and never ever had an affair on him, he did have an affair and chased me away, and told me and the kids never to come back, so I found an apartment. Bi polar people, I do feel bad for them, but they have to have counseling and stay on their meds.

    He told my daughter things about me that weren't true, and that I had an abortion, which was a flat out lie.

    Now, I have a hard time finding a job, not because of the job market but because he knows people in high places and has told them things that aren't true.

    My father told me something, and I wish to this day I would have listened to him, he said always know the family with whom you are marrying for awhile, because in that you will know who you are really getting married to.

    I unfortunately did not take his advice, 10 years after the divorce , and I am now remarried to a wonderful man, my ex is still trying to get back at me for something he did to himself.

    My husband and I will be leaving the state soon, never to return only for occasional visits with no forwarding address. Very very sad, and the saddest part is that my daughter doesn't know the half of it

  • rhian

    i think im bipolar...

    im 17, i have no confidence in myself, i get these mood swings where one minute im happy and the next i just want to be on my own and cry. i have a re-acurring thought where i jump off a building and leave all my troubles behind but it also makes me sad to think of my mother who i love so much. she is the only thing keeping me here. its horrible to say but if i didnt have her i would probably take my life. i cant tell her how i feel because i dont wont her to feel upset and worried. i want her to think that i love life and that shes done a good job in raising me.

    i hate going out into the word! talking to people makes me nervous. it feels so hard sometimes that i just want to give up and then i feel guilty for feeling this way because i know how many people suffer more then me which makes me feel like a bad person which makes me feel even worse aaaaaaaaah help!!!

    what can i do? is there anyone i can talk to privately?

  • Anonymous-14

    the poor fiolks and homless people need help , ssi or ssdi if worked....this usa country-and goverments ,ssa had went down hill since the repubilicans and bush took office .... it proobably willl nevvere be easierr like to get help ssi or ssdi like whenn the democrats s where inn office bill clinton yrs.... probably better to move too anothwer country,, this country usa iss too farrr gone,,,, the murders in prison have more than the homless .... whats thats tell uss peoples....

  • shaun

    if you want you can talk to me privately. I do have bipolar and can relate, but talking is the best medicine. along with prayer and faith that there is hope. my email is shaun102578@yahoo.com..... im not a dr. but have been researched this subject for 10 years now and am ready to start taking meds and going through the long process of getting the right meds.... bipolar is not a laughing matter and it does seem like nobody understands what it is... it sounds like youre putting up a front that you may want to let go of...bipolar will not cure itself, trust me.

  • Judy

    I can relate to most comments and like me most of it sounds absolutely chaotic and funny while I appreciate it is very sad and tragic. The even sadder thing in my case is that family choose to turn a blind eye to the condition and bury their face in the sand regarding the bipolar plight.Some times it disables but then it can enable just as much. Riding in the middle is our goal. Self belief can escalate to a false self, be careful. Someone will knock you down. But who are they? ask yourself before you bash yourself up. Feel like youre swimming against the current when all you can hope for is some kindness(dont expect too much, they are struggling themselves) and some acknowledgement that you did do some good things in your life even if now it feels like youve just burnt out and do not trust enough to have another go and put yourself out there...for what? To make friends with people you never got a chance to really know? or who really wanted to get to know you? My life since medication has dulled out and family is what Ive been putting my energy into. Not altogether helpful at times particularly if youre feeling somewhat exuberant and if there is indfference and emotional distance. The sensitive reactional momments can be emotionally crippling especially when you lose articulation but you get over the pain it brings until the next blow. You just need to keep getting up. The day light succeeds the night when you cant sleep and the negative thoughts overtake you,get up and write. Maybe have a chamomile not a whisky think of your stomach lining. Advice a dirty word.No point in giving it is there? Lie there?Maybe have a j if youre lucky enough to have any is actually not the long term answer. It will be harder to cope when you've run out. Imagine needing an anaesthetic to get some sleep. MJ you're sleeping now, bless you, and my god, thats another thing. Without engaging in super religiosity a pathology in itself, for me the scriptures even though they sometimes resonate beyond the ordinary human capacity of reasoning,they can bring such peace to your mind and soul and you may just get back to sleep again. Good luck and I wish you and me the fight to stay on top of it. I think we deserve a certificate of commendation for all the pain and confusion we endure and perhaps for other peole important to us who endure us. I wish you all the very best that real love can bring you so that you can recharge and feel like a respected member of life. Bless you, have a good night.

  • PATTY

    I deffinately can relate to all of these above mentioned feelings. I am still very much in a crisis state after a full year of treatment and two hospitalisations. They just can't seem to help me . I feel quite desperate and I feel like giving up most days but I have loved ones to look after and I just can't give up on myself because they need me to be here.

  • Anonymous-15

    I have a friend who seems happy ALL THE TIME.

    It is definately not normal, and can really test my patience.

    I'm not exactly sure what to do about it, or if it's even serious.

  • Anonymous-16

    This article describes me to the letter. Unfortunately, I am unemployed and have no real way of seeking treatment or counceling. But at least I know now what is wrong with me.

  • lory

    I'm not sure if it's the bipolar, the borderline personality disorder or sheer stupidity that allows me to be mentally and physically abused by a man that I love very much and do not want to live without. We've been seeing each other for over 5 years on/off and everytime we breakup I end up in the hospital on a 51/50. Recently, we were together and I think he gave me an STD even though he said he is not sleeping with anyone else. I am so depressed about this whole situation because he always puts me down, calls me horrible names and tells me he doesn't love or respect me and that we shouldn't even be together. This time, something deep inside tells me I deserve better and I'm only feeding the need for being in chaos and self-destructive behavior. I don't know what to do, but I know I can't keep feeling this low inside or I may end up in the hospital or the morge.

  • melissa

    hello my name is melissa and i have a son that is 16 that was dinignose with bipolar when he was 13. he has been in and out of trouble with the police and has served many yrs incarrerated well he will not take his meds anymore he refuses he said he does has it anymore.. he hits me hw causes people to think im the bad person until he does them the same w2ay.. o by the way he also has abrother that is blind and disabled due to a gun shot to the head.. and evry time he has thesemood swings he cause his brother to cry by telling him things to just brake his heart..so he is really bopolar are is john manson? i cant watch my other son go thru this ay more im at the end..

  • Becca

    Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. I have experienced the abuse some of you have mentioned. And in my opinion (and take it for what it is worth) they need help too. If they can't help or stop, run bc no one deserves abuse. With mood disorders, we believe we deserve the pain. If u can try to get stabilized on meds, there are mood stabilizers and anti-depressants out there that can help. Some drug companies have discounts, walmart is cheap, and there are studies to try. Also, shelters and clinics. Vitamins help, eat right, take vitamin B and Omega 3s. Work out, try to sleep. Try positive reiforcements. I know I try and try and there is no miracle cure. But one day all of us will conquer our disease and be stronger for it. Love ur friends and family and let them help. If they dont understand, try to approach it in a way they can. Support helps. I am messed up to but I am here for u if I can.

  • Anonymous-17

    My boyfriend who I have been seeing for 2 months now has bipolar disorder, but he has it severely. just recently he went and got a shot for his bipolar which is lithium. ever since he got that he has been extremely tired, but on top of his bipolar he has heart problems and has been complaining of his chest hurting him also. he just told me he doesn't know how much longer he is going to live.....and he is only 18 turning 19 in december. i dont know what to do about his chest or his fatigueness...but it scares me so badly...and this article explains him to a T but he is 10 times worse.

  • Anonymous-18

    I was diagnosed with bipolar dissorder in jan 07. It was one of the biggest events in my life. Because of this dissorder I lost my husband my very best friend. It hurts quite often, mostly because he sought out support from someone else and is still living with this person. We did not know what was wrong with me at the time of seperation just that i was always exhausted or extremely miserable. Miserable to the point where no one wants to be around me. Since then i have tried and been on so many different medications i kinda feel llike a pharmacy myself. I have accepted and am trying to forgive for all the heartache i caused, but it is so hard when i hurt the one person i loved. Any advise on letting go. Cause Honestly i have tried that and its so hard when he can't forgive me.

  • saprina

    i have bipolar and have ups and downs all the time. I am on meds and they help but sometimes I need to talk to someone that understands what I am going through. I am married and he undestands a little but it still takes a strain on a marriage. I dont want to be taken care of all the time and I feel like a burdon sometimes. My son with is 16 is tired of the same of same old. I feel good some of the time and then things change in a instant. I recently have had a total knee replacement and that has not help things. I cant do the things that I want to do right now and its is driving me crazy anyone that wants to talk and blow some steam just email me at vtchic72@yahoo.com

  • Philamadness

    I have read several post and I see a growing theme of helplessness. I wonder if people took control of the forces that drive their emotions if medication would be so nessecary. Shame, fear and hate can drive you mad you must face these forces with a rational mind and eliminate the negative emotions you have control over. Remove people places and things that stimulate you negatively if at all possible you must began to assume the aggressive search for the solutions that can give you the autonimous capacity to regulate and balance your thoughts and emotions. Don't label yourself and assume you are helpless to engage your problems you would be suprised to see the results you can have with a little self effort.

  • CC

    I am bi-polar. I have extensive counselling for the side issues which had built up from years of abuse (PTSD) and extreme bi-polar situations. Lessening of the guilt, shame, embarassment are all helpful. In my case I felt so much freedom, I could then begin to function better with the bi-polar and medication. The medications are a help, but anything traumatic physically or mentally can shift the hormones which seem to be controllers of the bi-polar shifts. I'm much more stable now, but if I feel a shift ocurring, often it takes great amounts of effort well over and above what a 'normal' person exerts to control or lessen the impact of a bi-polar shift. It leaves me feeling exhausted and actually more vulnerable. At this time in my life, I've found it easier to seclude myself, advising close relationships what's going on, and letting the shift go into its movement and time restores more of the 'balance'. This does not always work as smoothly as it reads here. Because I have a great support system it is possible to take the time to do this, but others with more extreme/stronger bi-polar will find it impossible to do this. As I get older (I'm in my early 50s now), I expect my coping mechanisms will need adjusting, but hopefully medical science of the brain will improve also. I hope to live a long and contented life now the side issues have been resolved. Only time will tell...

  • Anonymous-19

    I have Bipolar for 15 years. I went into a psychosis when I was 30 years old. I heard voices delusions everything happened and I almost killed myself. I didnt know what was going on, and I just tried to hide it from my family as best I could, but it finally got me and I put a gun to my head, but I saw a vision of Jesus and he said dont do it. I finally checked into a hospital for a month. 15 years later my son may go to prison for 3 felonies for pot. He is running now and I am about to loose it. With bipolar this event has about sent me over the edge. I have a good doctor and my meds have worked pretty good for 6 years, but my son has always put me so much. I dont feel that I will ever be happy again if he goes to prison I think I will finally go over the edge. I am trying so hard to stay sain, but with bipolar 1, it is a fight to the end. I know I will get thru this and I have to accept this, I am strong because I made it thru the psychosis, and i can make it thru this too. Its just so hard to accept that your baby boy will go to prison. If anyone has been a psychosis with bipolar 1, please tell me your story. Be blessed....

  • somebody's voice

    (Just read the bottom paragraph, if you would be so kind) When i was 14, i realized that something was terribly wrong with me. no one seems to notice. i've been through worse than what most people my age have managed. they say that everyone goes through the same level of hardships mine are in my mind and a "normal" set back seems to pin me to the wall so that i become suddenly hopeless. I keep hearing people say to me "how do you stay so calm? how do you manage to stay out of drama and be productive?" to be honest, i have no other choice. from what i have gathered over the years (i'm currently 20), i am able to conclude that i suffer from bi-polar disorder. I've had it rough. in high school, i threatened my parents that i would kill myself if they did not put me on independent study. i was able to graduate early but i didn't have many friends. no one understands the intensity of my problems, (i tend to come off as being over-dramatic and often a bit of a hypochondriac, but to me, my self-evaluations are relatively accurate). Meeting new people is an arduous task its even more alienating to find someone relatable/understandable. it may not seem that way. on the outside, i pass as being fickle, spacey, or devoid of emotion. the exact opposite rages within me and often spills out. One moment, i am one of the melancholy (a living dead), the next i am skipping and laughing as if there is something to live for. i have thought of suicide everyday since i was 14. i'm a recovering bulimic. i used to cut my skin to watch it bleed. i had a fiancé once, but he dumped me and moved on. its terrible (i have a class with his current girl friend. Oh well.). i still live with my parents and they cannot understand my reclusive nature. but my morale and productivity in work is immaculate and my attitude towards my education is exceptional.

    i have found it easy to deal with other people's problems. a number of friends and strangers have approached me with an onslaught of problems and drama. i soak them up like a sponge, unharmed. to me, it is easier and less frightening than looking at what i have on my plate. a councilor once said that i was an enigma. she was surprised that I abstained from drugs and found things to do in life. She said that i am polite, eloquent, and matter-of-factual, yet I experience severe dynamics in my moods that are irrational and unconditionally perplexing to any reasonable mind. i swing on a pendulum that goes from elation to devastation. She couldn’t understand this. The whole time, burning behind my lips was my cry to call out and suggest that i am bi-polar, but i never opened my mouth and i never admitted my fears. i know a handful of lovable individuals with bi-polar that have destroyed their lives. it has been my goal to not let that happen, to stay in control. i still slip from time to time. . .

    i do believe it helps that i still have the same faith i did as a child. i don't know where else i would be. i don't take medication. perhaps i should? can i hear from one of you? i would like to establish a platonic support system. i think that would ease a bit on my shoulders and i wouldn’t be so alone.

    rainclouds@rocketmail.com

  • Mag

    People...GOD will not help you nor cure you. Only a physician (neurologist then therapist) can help you. A combination of therapy and medications are the ONLY things that will help you. What you have occurs in the brain, not a church so stop the God stuff and take action for yourself and those you love and those who love you.

  • Corey Miller

    if GOD is how you get through your issues then that is great, don't listen to all these atheists in the world, I praise GOD for doctors and everything they do, its only by HIS hand that they do what they do to heal us. I've been on medication in the past and through all the therapies and this and that, and I know first hand, that, with my personal experience anyway, through faith in the LORD Jesus, my condition is very much under control, I've been off my meds for years now and no longer attend any therapy, indeed I do have minor episodes rarely now, but folks, GOD does still heal and anything said any different is a lie straigh from the pit of hell, I know first hand that My LORD heals mental illness as well as physical, so keep of believing. HE is able. And for those who don't believe, thats your decision but if belief and faith in GOD is what helps somone than who are you to speak against it? Believers aren't speaking against your worldly methods that are so called "proven" to work, so don't come down on others about something that you apparently know nothing about, obviously you don't have enough faith to make any good come in that way. GOD bless you all.

  • Angie

    My older brother is going through a manic episode of bipolar. Our father just died of lung cancer. I am dealing with it okay, but my brother stopped taking his meds, blew through all his money, is picking up homeless people. He has no idea that he is out of control. Unfortunatlely, he lives with my mother, and at 73 years old she can no longer take care of him. We finally had to baker act him, but he will probably get out soon. We are all at wits end. I sometimes feel that I wish this was all over...I can't deal with this anymore.

  • Jordan

    Now i know whats wrong with her! What kind of medication should she get on, cuz i cant take this. For Real. How are you diagnosed?

    Please someone e-mail me: ill_advised_ent@yahoo.com thank you

  • Nick

    GOD, in all of HIS capitalized glory, has no place here, in my opinion. To people pushing HIS saving grace as the answer to everyone's problems, it's ignorant and inconsiderate. You aren't helping anyone.

    From my own experience, having grown up Catholic, I can very resolutely say that GOD never did a thing for me. If he did, he's way too obscure and subtle.

    I'm not a theist of any sort any longer. I still struggle to accept the fact that I'm gay, despite having gone through my denial years and trying to re-train my sexuality. My own Christian family has insanities on its own, none of which GOD helped create (I'd hope not, anyway) or solve.

    We're born as we are. If you have a problem, you just don't know what to do, for the sake of yourself (not god) and those who care, reach out and make a serious request for help.

    It could be from anyone - Family, friends, or even strangers. Find the help you need. And if you resort to praying, then I'm genuinely happy for you. But rather than telling other people about your wonderful, divine panacea when they should be seeking actual help, stop yourself and google "Madeline Kara Neumann".

    With all due respect,

    -Nick

  • BRIAN

    Nick and all non believers,

    God has everything to do with saving grace. Jesus Christ came and paid your sin debt. Here's the deal God loved us so much that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life. Romans 3:23 says for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Romans 6:23 says For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 10:13 says for whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. Romans 10:9 says That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. This is what you need to do to be saved, but also to be cured. Only through Christ can we receive happiness within our lives. God uses doctors and medicine to help those he loves. He loves us all, but we must receive Christ as our Lord and Savior and ask him to forgive us of our sins. I hope you take the time and maybe even look these verses up. I am sorry if some other Christians have treated you negitively and I do apologize for thier actions. My desire is for people to get to know Christ as I have, he has helped me when nobody else could, he has saved my life many times and has blessed me with removal of all of my addictions. Have a great day and Godbless...

  • heather

    I have so much anger inside i try to be nice and do things im suppost to .. i try going to church and just sitting at home cooking and cleaning .. but i always tend to just want to go drink and party and forget aboit everything that is good in my life .. i hav bipolar i take xanax and zoloft .. and the anger is still there .. i feel as if anything i do isnt good enough for my bf or my family .. were do i turn what do i do .. my anger gets so bad ..... i just want to fight people .. but thats not me .. its like the littlest things are ticking me off .. and i cant seem to control myself ..

  • Dudu

    I feel all the above but the psychicatrist said I have epillepsy which makes no sense because I get no fits I get more moods than fits and is treating me with Lamictin do you think she is hiding my real sickness from me for my safety? I feel rage for silly reasons and sad for reeasons that make no sense.

    I want to die honestly and I will kill myself if I continue to feel this way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Please help me.

  • TLC

    My best friend is 9 years older than me. I look up to her as a big sister, but she is driving me crazy! She makes me feel like I am on a roller coaster ride---I don't know if I am coming or going.

    There are days, she allows herself to get close to me. She will call me to go do things with her movies, shopping, just sitting on her back porch chilling out, having lunch, etc. I am the first person she calls when she is upset about things because I show compassion and also build her up with positive thinking.

    For a few days in a row, I will call her or send her an email to see how she is doing. Then she will get angry with me and say I am smothering her, or that she turns the tables around and says that she is worried about the intensity I show with her, when I am just showing concern. And that her very, best friend, is another persons name, not me. Then when I don't email her for a few days, then she says I don't care about her anymore. And I am the person she calls.

    I know she loves me as a good friend. And I love her dearly also. I can't just walk away from her. But sometimes, she makes me feel like a convenient friend and turns the tables around as if she is the big sister being there for me, when I am the one there for her.

    Her husband of 25 years, has been sober for 14 years, and I can still see the control he has over her, but she can't she is in denial because she loves him. I know he doesn't like her having close friends. So, it seems to me, its either, he can sense her getting close to me, and has her put her wall up to me for awhile. Her brother is BI-Polar---could she have a part of BI-Polar in her? I know she goes thru a lot, I love her dearly as if she was a sister to me! She is a wonderful person, she just deserves a better life, and I want to help her. What can I do?

  • John Little

    I am a male 59 years old and have been bipolar for 20 years. First I didn't know what was going on but my own self-diagnosis....after doing some reading....was confirmed by my Doctor just 10 minutes into the first consultation. I experience profound highs and almost zero lows. I choose to remain unmedicated and untreated now because I enjoy my highs so much. That is, I do. Family and friends do not. Now I am married (no children) to an Indonesian lady, and this culture has a an extreme fear and aversion to mental illness....like it's a personal failure. Bad choice on my part, right? Right! However I have discovered during the episode I am now in the middle of, that there are other cultures that are more tolerant of the rich variety of human behaviour, and one of these is Thailand. Thais are Buddhist, as opposed to Indonesians who are Muslim. Now I am not going to disrespect any religion per se, but different religions engender different cultural and social attitudes, and I think this undeniable......a self-evident truth. Solution: I am going to emigrate to Thailand and live out my days in a foreign land. My wife is kicking me out and fortunately my half of our joint assets will amply finance this plan. I know that many BP sufferers (and others without BP for that matter) may be appalled at the brutality and simplicity of this solution, but it IS a solution. And I hope it works for me!

  • Justin

    I would like you all to take a quick journey with me...one that might seem all-too-familiar to many of us.

    Let's imagine the scenerio that has ended with you in an office, with some trusted, learned medical expert. Now, that "professional" asks you any number of non-descript, impersonal, non-scientific questions....jots down a few key words from your response w/o recording the intended meaning or context. Then next thing you know...you are mentally ill!!! You have just been labeled!

    Now, ethicallly speaking, the conversation should move into a category of "patients rights", but it does not usually happen that way. More common than not, scripts are written, filled, and taken, all within 24 hours of consult!!

    Under "patients rights" there is a concept called "INFORMED CONSENT"(notice how it was tactfully and skillfully omitted by your "professional mental health expert")

    "INFORMED CONSENT" is a process where your diagnosis and reasons for such diagnosis are explained to you. The risks/benefits of treatment and meds are clearly spelled out. Then alternative treatments are offered and explained, and then the risks/benefits of no treatment at all are explained. Seems like a pretty important oversight!

    What about "side" effects? When did talks of them arise? Probably during the 1-2 minutes during the actual writing of the script, in-between the instructions of how to take and the explanation of why there are 2 meds!! (something like..."one of the side effects is insomnia...so this will help you sleep...")

    Truely not enough time to explain side effects of what you are about to ingest, once you learn the truth!!!

    Lets say you were diagnosed and now medicated for depression....seems simple, right? You would more than likely be prescribed drugs from a class called SSRI's. The top 3 Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil. Lets see what that really means to you.

    Prozac-1,817 listed possible side effects.

    Zoloft-2,194 possible side effects.

    Paxil-2,497 recognized possible side effects.

    Your script would probably have 1 of those drugs and then 1 to manage the side effects. The second drug also carrrying a long list of side effects itself!!!

    Said "side" effects include, but are not limited to: weight gain, dry mouth, blurred vision, low blood pressure, seizures, psychosis, internal bleeding, suicidal idealogy, homicidal idealogy, and amazingly enough DEPRESSION!!

    The only things in your life that these psychotropic drugs don't effect are things like gas mileage, credit score, eye color, religion, mother's maiden name, and lucky numbers!!!!

    I urge you to be informed for your own safety!!! You were taught to not trust lawyers, car salesman, and insurance agents, and none of them have black box warnings or horrific side effects, nor do they suggest you ingest powerful, unsafe toxins!!!!

  • nimai

    about 12 years ago i was was told i was bi polar and should take meds for life. 5 years ago i was going to kill my self but instead through all my meds away. life is still life is still very hard but I have sence built my kids a large custom house and I m still alive to fell pain and a little happiness. say no to drugs if you can

  • Anonymous-20

    first i would like to say i sympathize with all of you as i have dealt with the effects of bi polar for many years my mother has it and my 11 year old daughter has it and i have seen 1st hand the horror it causes the people who suffer with the disorder i would also like to say thank you to theresa for posting how hard it is on the family of the suffers one because the abuse you take from the suffers and 2 because there is nothing you can do to help them and thats all you want is to find someway to help so that they do not have to feel like they r freaks because they have a disorder that takes over everything they do think and feel i dont know how to help anyone i can just give you guys what we do with my daughter which dosent totaly control her outburst and such but it does lessen the severity of her outburst and abuse on the rest of the family 1 we have cut out a great deal of her sugar intake 2 and not saying this will work for you but it seems to for us when she does have her outburst we immeditaly remove ourselves from the situation sometime she follows and just keeps up with the verbal and physical assualt on us but more often than not she will just stay where shes at and finish on her own and we have found by doing that it lessens the lenght and severity if we were to say anything to her in her moments of rage it would make it worse and longer 3 we make sure she gets pleanty of fruits and veggies pleanty of exercise or play outdoors and not a whole lot of computer or tv time we try and make sure she spends alot of time outdoors if anyone wants to just chat about this subject feel free to email me at scochran1978@yahoo.com

  • Gaby

    My name is Gaby and I'm writing MA thesis about bipolar disorder, Sylvia Plath and V.Woolf - their struggle with this horrible disease and literary experience. That's why I want to ASK YOU FOR HELP - if you want to share your experience and views about this disorder, it will be a great pleasure and honor for me to correspond with you! If you do know how this struggle looks like, YOU are an expert. If you want - just write! I'm waiting for your help hand... Thank you!

    gabrysiaph@wp.pl

  • victoria

    I wish I could put a voice to what it has been like to raise a child that is bipolar. Ignorant family members would not accept a mental condition (they perceived it as just an excuse) and blamed him and (parents) for the continious problems....until now there is no family unit remaining.

  • Peggy

    My Father has bipolar disorder and all of my life i always assumed that it was just an exscuse and he was just "crazy". In the last year i was diagnosed with the same disorder and am now going through the same thing he must have felt with my family saying some of the same things, no one in my family can understand and living with this "stigma" is really worse than the disorder itself. I no longer have my father and wish i could take back the things i thought and said....families and their support are important when you have this diagnosis, i wish i could have been there for him instead now i am living with this "stigma" on my own.

  • tyler

    Everything ive read seems all too fimilar with the behavior i see with in myself..Iwant to know more about this

  • Greg

    I have battled with these problems my entire life. I rarely talked about it because, for starters, I didn't understand it. But also because of deep rooted paranoia and inability to trust others. I am going to try and get help very soon and be better than ever before.

  • Anonymous-21

    Hello! I just got married 9 mos ago to a man that I think might be bi-polar! He has problems sleeping at night and sometimes smikes weed to help him relax and stop his mind from racing. It is very hard for me because I never know what kind of mood he will wake up in everyday! Sometimes he's happy and loving and other days he won't talk to me and won't even tell me why or whats wrong. It is really putting a stress on our marriage and I think that I am going to have to leave soon because I can't take much more of this pain in my heart. He has already left me once when he got into one of his moods and he was apart from me for 2 weeks when he came out of it and came back home. I know its not another woman and I knew where he was but it still hurt me alot. Does anyone have the same problems going on in their marriage with this depression and do you have any advise for me? Thanks From Confussed Wife

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    Why not join our online support community. We have a forum for those concerned about Bipolar Disorder and there are many people who can offer you advice and support.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Anonymous-22

    Bi-polar is the new name for Manic-Depression. Manic-Depression runs in my family on my Mothers side. I was Diagnosed with bi-polar in 2005. I was am also a recovering addict/alcoholic. I have been a member of AA since 2001. After doing the 12 steps witha sponser in 2009 specifically the ninth step, in which you make amends for your past wrongs, My BI-polar symptoms went away. All of dishonest behavior and guilt and shame left as a result of being honest and making amends for my wrongs. Perhaps there is a link?!!!! I went off 2000 mg of depakote a day and have been off it for 5 months now. I have been under the close watch of my family, girlfriend and sponser and AA memebers and all agree that I am balanced, happy and clearer then ever. I feel incredible sleep well and never feel depressed at all. the twenty pounds I gained from the Depakote is gone!! I used to be bed ridden with depression for weeks. I was suicidal. I also spent lots of money when manic and asked lots of girls out. No more episodes ever. Not one. The doctors said that this was a lifelong mental illness. Wrong!!!!!!

  • Dawn

    After supporting my 8 year old son through another massive meltdown moment about 30 minutes ago, through my post-trauma tears, I had the insight that we parents with bipolar kids need a 1-800 number to gain support and guidance when the going gets rough. (The meltdown related to some stressors--singing in a concert--and then not coping when rigid behaviour led to a cancelled candy store outing. He acts like a pure addict when it comes to sugar, and when he is tired/slumping he craves it like a drug, and acts like it is the end of the world if denied. Would kick and fight to get it. Troubling. I am praying that greater maturity will help him better ride these destructive waves.)

    Sometimes it is really tough work--takes a spiritual warrior!--and at other times deeply rewarding, parenting my child with special sensitivities and challenges. How much we need to connect with one another so that we can better understand how to help our kids, and how to help them learn how to live to their utmost potential. I truly believe this is possible, and won't settle for anything less for him!

    I've not yet found any online, or other, community. Where I live the diagnosis is highly contested so apparently there are no kids around here with this challenge. Very isolating.

    Thanks for the chance to communicate my way out of a dark cloud this afternoon. --D.

  • jemma

    i have very bad mood i cant live like it no more i tryed taking a oer doze

    no want help me there cant sep me in there family

  • RRU

    Hello,

    Great article. I have a recurring infection after taking medications. It appers within 5 days after taking anything. I hae tried Ambien, Provigil, Lithium, Depakote, Seroquel, and some others, I know these are different drug groups, but has anyone had any experience like this. I have done many tests for immune system and other things. I had a test come back as positive for staph ~ not the really bad kind. The infections clear up after medication, but my system seems to have gotten progressively worse. All other tests are negative.

    Thank you

  • Terry

    This article does not describe manic episodes in acurate detail. Mania is not all happy fun and games. Mania is usually characterized by irritable, angry behavior as it progresses. People don't understand that.

  • Cody

    It didn't say it was all fun and games.

    But even if it did, usually "illness" implies that. And you could also extend your word mania to depression as it too can cause all those symptoms you mention. In fact, so can stress. And so can drug use. Oh and even positive things can cause that too [positive emotions unrelated to illness]. I could go on for ever.

    But fact is, it actually even mentions some of those words, though perhaps not on the page you commented on. Did you try moving forward ?

    Sorry if this seems aggressive but I just can't stand when people miss something, be it obvious or not, and then claim something isn't accurate [because that can be bad for others - it makes the article look like it's completely inaccurate, especially to someone who is ignorant]. Mind you, I only skimmed some of it, and I see it clearly says it's not fun. Not sure how you missed that actually [or how you missed it and I didn't considering the state I am in]. Nevermind the fact my mental condition has been very bad my entire life that's irrelevant. The article clearly says it's not fun and games but even if didn't state it clearly - how could you think it is implying it is?

    Mania IS however a mood being higher by definition and it says that. But that doesn't mean it's all good and the article doesn't say or imply that it's all fun. All good comes with bad too and vice versa, though.

  • im arrianne

    i been in my curiosity now, abouut what i feel, actually, my friend told me that im about to reach the extention of my being, i been in a relationship for 4 years, and after that we broke up for no reason, as i go through thou its been less than 2 years now and still the freshness of yeaterday still bothering me, at night i been crying alot without reason, just the mnomet i think about him made me cry and i know this is beyond noraml anymore, not only that i am also cried when i heard something bad or i know that it doesnt bother me at all... my curiosity has been in its longest method, i think i think so negatively, even im alone and im about to suit in a relationship all i think is the past that made me weak each day, and i end up hating it.... is this a kind of ill im facing now??

  • TREE TOPS

    my sister is 22 and i am 33 forever she has had anger issues. always saying all the time this annoys me or that annoys me. she is a problem to live with when i lived with dad and caused my dad now and the family not to bother with her cus of how she is all nasty behaviour and stuff. she constantly tells people she meets i dont have a family and how her dad disowned her which is my dad.he did not disown her he just had enough of her bad behaviour always and doing things like bringing loads of rough boys to the house and leaving them unattended so that they could maybe rob us. in face one time she had bout 4 boys in the house me and my dad was in at the time but was downstairs watching tv. she had left 2 boys outside her bedroom door and had bout 2 other in her room. later on i go upstairs to room and found out i had had some things stolen from my room as well as my dad. she is always nasty to be around and caused problems when my dad remarried to his thailand wife. always helping herself to her food and saying she is in my family home i can do what i want. the story was gonna be after my dad been living with his new wife for a while he was gonna go live in thailand with her and give us the house we lived in as somewhere to stay a nice big house just done up.but after my sister had made my dads wife hate her and forced my dad to kick her out she then started on me. i was always nice to my dads wife but after sis had been kicked out she thought she would be horrible to me so that she could have my dad to herself. so because of this my dad told me and sister that he was gonna sell the house and get another place alot further away mostly because of his thailand wife scared of the rough people in the birmingham area. my dad said i am sorry to me to do this but i got to think i can loose a wife or have 2 children one which is very badly behaved and not a nice person. so my sister and i got a place rented together and it been a problem since even though she was a problem back in family home. for instance she used to walk straight into my room and say its my house i put down the deposit for the place if i wanna walk in i can. and the constant mood swings from normal voice to then saying i annoyed you get me annoyed to me for doing nothing at all or how things annoy her. then all of a sudden she would go into baby talk and dog noises like whimpering and talk to me saying how she wants a drink in a baby voice. she treats everyone so badly and would tap on wall to me in the same house as her i would go and see what she wants to be told i want a drink or i am hungry and stuff. and she would say i am to lazy to get it can you to me. this goes on all her life. when people are not nice to her cus of how she is she comes to me i hate this person and stuff but its how she is with people. all the time she getting loads of boys to come to the house and they drink and smoke and stuff and i hate it, even to them staying late in morning talking drinking and smoking. we both then went to shared house same thing caused problems for herself with flatmates there told to go by landlord but i stayed. then after landlord gave house to family. so i then moved into sisters one bedroom flat embarrassingly now living on her living room floor. feel so ashamed as still bringing people back and it so embarrassing when they walk in to living room to go to kitchen cus she wont go herself cus yet again to lazy. they mount of people she knows who have come in and i still in night wear. and the major split personalities or getting angry over nothing and if i am out she will text me a stupid problem like kettle flooded or you made a mess on floor when i have not. worse still is we live above a shop and i go out and i come back and not bought back stuff like sugar and says to me wen i come home did you buy sugar when we live above a shop. she spends all day in bed either sleeping or in bed watching tv not washing for like 3 days saying no need to wash as not going out. her mood swings so bad and i get mostly shouted at for everything even she has this thing where she says it was my fault for something when it was not. i say to her i have done nothing she says i know but wanted to blame you for it. constantly doing that constantly banging her room wall for me to get up for rubbish like wants a drink or hungry or something, and eastenders if that on she hates the slightest noise and if she desperate for toilet or food and eastenders on she wont do nothing but watch it. she dont care bout what happens she says bout her weight or washing or anything then every now and again saying how do i loose weight and stuff. mostly come home to cars parked outside cus she invited boys back to house. i really need to get away from her but at moment cant do nothing just claiming benefit so i have to put up with it her attitude her behaviiour her mood swings treating her boyfriend like a slave and shouting at him for helping her with stuff.

  • Kidwitgame

    I'm happy that i have finally found a community where i can share my experiences with other people. I have been through many traumatic experiences, beginning with the loss of my father very early on in my life (i was about 5 years old).It all began with my dad abandoning us (me and my two elder brothers) and culminated in his death some years later.To this day(i'm now 30 years old), i have never gotten to understand the rationale behind his departure.I guess i've never really had the courage to confront my mother about what led to the breakup of their marriage.I am also of the suspicion that my dad had mental issues similar to mine - he was an Ivy League graduate but never amounted to much in life. Many years later, i lost one of my elder brothers in a grisly road accident.He was 21 years old.Ever since, my life has been a roller coaster of emotions ranging from acute depression (self-diagnosed) to hatred..etc. I have never managed to sustain a relationship with a woman beyond a couple of months because of the highly unpredictable mood swings.Now i even fear losing my job because sometimes i don't feel like talking to or engaging colleagues.I also feel an intense hatred and dislike of other people for no specific reason.
    Night-time is especially difficult for me 'cos sometimes i feel like my head is full of pressure (negative thoughts and recollections) and at risk of imminent explosion.
    Many times i avoid other people totally and have an unusual dislike of women.I hope i will be able to find help some day before i cause some harm either to myself or somebody else.

  • LJ

    I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a few years ago. I was on medication until about a year ago when I could no longer afford it. For the longest time I stretched out my Lamictal and Prozac which seemed to work beautifully. But I totally ran out this past January and went cold turkey (luckily had been weaning off for a long time). I started to slip into my moods until I heard on a radio program about Hypothyroidism Type II and started taking thyroid supplements. If you search online SOME bipolar cases are linked to Hypothyroidism so if you have insurance, get BOTH checked out, don't just listen to ONLY your psychiatrist, get blood work done too. OK, the supplements were working GREAT for a few months but I reached a point where I cannot control my rage. Last night I totally freaked out over nothing... I crushed one of my toes, broke an HDTV set, threw a bunch of things around and repeatedly bashed my head against the wall until someone would take me seriously. I wanted to go to a hospital because I could not control myself... I could not stop. Until finally I was dizzy and exhausted from injuring myself and then took a cold shower, took 2 of my mother's Xanax and some OTC stuff for self inflicted pain. Now I'm scared this will happen again... I haven't done anything like that since before I was on medication to begin with. Back then I could barely survive. I think of suicide all of the time but refuse because I don't want to go to hell. So if my belief in God is saving my life right now... don't bash it... to each his own, don't get on my case for being a believer because I'll NEVER tell you to believe, it's your choice. However, I don't think God will miraculously cure me out of nowhere. I have very little money doing contract work and make just a little too much for any help at all. I wanted to go to the hospital but my mom wouldn't let me because of financial reasons. I'm hoping that maybe someone out there is going through these similar rage type situations and wouldn't mind chatting with me online. I created a yahoo ID "icrapbutterflies" just so people I know won't know who I am. If anyone wants to talk and unload this on each other please feel free to talk to me. Thanks.

  • Anonymous-23

    Iam in serious trouble ,I have ONLY the depressive things that people suffer and in Bipolar disorder and i dont know what to do and i feel like killing myself so much,Please guys help me out on this because the depression i have is absloultley for NO reason at all and whats more strange is that iam on a vacation now and i dont know what happened suddenly.

  • Chad Brown

    Hello my name is Chad Brown and I have bipolar disorder. Im sick and tired of all the steriotypes of people who hate bipolar people we are no different that the rest of u. It can get bad at times so lets try to be nice to each other. also i agree with the 1-800 number thing we need one. and finaly if their is a cure pleaze find a way to tell me.

    Dr. Dombeck's Note: Our support community is available to any and all who wish to talk about bipolar disorder (in our bipolar support forum for example) or related topics.

  • Anonymous-24

    I'm struggling with bipolar disorder, and it is like people who know about the disorder and the symptoms and causes they tend to try to take advantage of you because they think that by you having the disorder they have control over you and they can trick you into doing what they want you to do, b/c people who have the disorder are highly influencable and they tend to believe anything during an episode. so people tend to try to manipulate you just b/c they can. people do tend to put people down who have the disorder or any mental disorder for that matter. so i stay away from people who are like that, b/c i can do bad all by myself, i do not need help with that. i see when i see the folks who are hateful to me and i stay away from them my illness gets better.

  • Anonymous-25

    how do you know if you're bipolar or depressed and not just a hormonal teenager over reacting and feeling sorry for yourself?

  • Jennifer

    I sat here & read all of your stories. So tragic. But there is HOPE never let go of that. I am engaged to the most amazing man in the world & he is bipolar. Here is the thing THERE IS MORE TO HIM THAN BEING BIPOLAR!!! You are all individuals & deserve respect love & dignity. Hold your wonderful heads high & focus on something else wonderful about YOU!!! Don't let this be the only wonderful part of you. Each and everyone of you are tragically dealing with an illness but thats all it is. it does not DEFINE YOU, you DEFINE YOU!! Yes we have had some struggles in the hospital went threw all different programs but once we came to the realization this is not the only part of him there was healing. He takes his meds sees his dr's, loves me and our kids and he is the best nurse ever. Believe in you and know you are all worthy of love respect and honor. Because of him I am working on my MA in Couseling. God bless you all and if you have not heard this yet today YOU ARE WORTHY AND LOVED!!!

  • Sissynana

    I thought the article was fairly informative for someone who knows nothing about bipolar disorder. It does offer the basics I suppose. However, I felt it was pretty vague.

    Hi Everyone! For privacy I will go by the pseudonym of Ariel. I'm 24 now, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 15. I always wonder if this is truly the right diagnosis because when reading other people's stories, or talking with others I don't seem to feel like other bipolar people shares my experience of a "mania"...and I really have not had much of an issue with depression.

    I have been on depakote for the majority of the last 9 years. It controls the negative affects of my disorder extremely well. (as long as I am very consistent with them, do not drink alcohol, take drugs, get adaquete sleep, and proper nutrition)

    My question is this. If I am off my medication, or miss doses I go into a supposed mania. The commonly spoken of things happen in the beginning. Elevated mood, increased energy, more artistic, creativity boost, sometimes agitated.......then I can't sleep. This is where is gets bad.

    I was 18 years old and started becoming concerned that it was possible that I didn't actually need the Depakote because maybe when I was diagnosed I was only going through teenage mood swings. Normal stuff...and Depakote can be hazardous to your body. When my psychiatrist agreed to allow me to try going off of my meds to make sure that I needed them this is what happened.

    We weened off the meds. I was completely free of medication for 5 months and it went very well. Everyone around me, including myself thought it was a godsend, and I wouldn't need the meds!

    Then it started happening. Quite quickly....over about a week period my mood started elevating..and elevating...and ELEVATING! I had such an amount of energy, euphoria, and creativity. It felt good at first so I didn't think much of it...a couple of days later it was a completely different story. I couldn't sleep, I was paranoid, jumpy, worried, anxious, my hearing started to become more sensitive to sounds outside the house. It was frightening to me, and frightening to my boyfriend (whom I lived with) who had been with me since I had been diagnosed but had never witnessed an "episode"....as I had never had one anything remotely like this.

    One night about 5 or 6 days into this, I was laying in the bed in the pitch dark...yet another night of no sleep...and the sounds outside were so freakishly loud...I could hear dogs barking, and squeeky bicycles as if they were in the bedroom with me. As I lied there with my eyes wide open hauntily greenish/yellow (almost glow in the dark color) distored, melty faces popped out of the darkness into my face. I jumped out of bed and wen running to the telephone and called my mom. She came to pick me up and take me to her house for the night. I didn't know what was happening to me. I just "prayed" that I could get some freaking sleep and this nightmare would just dissapear.

    My mom had an old bottle of some sleeping pills that I used to take, so she gave me one of them and I curled up on my mom and her fiance's floor. The full duration of that night is blurry, but I remember that after everyone else had fallen asleep I was yet again....STILL AWAKE.

    I lied there looking at my hands, and feeling this overwhelming sensation of losing control...that I was drifting...slipping away. Then I began seeing my rings dissapear from my fingers. I started to cry. I saw my hands begin to fade away....and then It's a blur.

    I can't even begin to describe to you the next day, and give it the justification that it deserves. It was an absolute trip if I have ever been on one. I guess you can say I was walking around with my eyes open, but I was experiencing something projected by my mind, a whole other world(sounds,visuals,feelings of wet, cold,etc.). There were gaps of time where I would experience a mesh of the reality inside my head, and the reality outside my head dually. Very confusing. I can't seem to find a difference between my experience and a psychosis. Is this typical of a mania associated with bipolar?....

    So as the story goes I was put in the hospital for about a week or so, where they pumped me full of medications to quickly get my head back on straight. What an absolutely surreal experience that was. I had to spend my 19th birthday in their. My family put on an alice in wonderland tea party for me. How wonderful are they? We made the best we could of a sincerely screwy situation.

    So let me bring you back to the present now...I take my medication ritually, try to avoid any possibly mind altering substances, eat healthy and stay on a relatively strict sleep schedule. I'm a full time student at a private University, working on my Masters in Education, and also working as a CNA 30hrs per week. My mental state is suprisingly normal and level if I take care of myself and stay on my meds. However, today I know that I would definitely not make it 5 months before having a similar "episode" because now days if I miss say 2 doses in the week I will begin having immediate problems.

    Bringing me to the actual point of this post...What do you guys think about the episode that I experienced when I was 18? I have one more slightly similar experience that happened last year when I forgot my medications a few times over the month. But that time I luckily didn't go into a such a sincere and long lived "psychosis". But I still experienced short segments of "psychosis" and many other unusual sensory, mood and thought alterations.

    Does anyone think that maybe my diagnosis should be something other than bipolar? Has anyone else experienced a similar episode as described? Have you heard of a bipolar mania that ends in a psychosis like state? I would love to talk with anyone who is up for sharing their knowledge, thoughts, opinions or feelings concerning my story or yours!

    I look forward to meeting some of you soon!

    Dr. Dombeck's Note: In case it isn't clear, this page is just the first page of 36 pages on this subject. It is vague because it is simply introducing the topic which will be explored in greater detail on further pages. We are working on a redesign which will hopefully make the multi-page nature of this document clearer.

  • Janis

    I am in my 60th year and had been diagnosed as a Manic Depressive in earlier years, and Bipolar 10 years ago. I have been on Lamotrogine (Lamictal) 150mg since then. I choose not to go into therapy to change the dosage or be 're evalutated' as I will not face having to share the demons I have had to live with and having to recount the events that led upto to last diagnosis and 'who I am'. My dysfunctional childhood, alcoholic father, loss of mother at 4 years old and not having 'bonded' with either a mother or father. Physical and sexual abuse was not something we spoke about - I had to survive those traumas. I overdosed on Tryptonol whilst still living at home and my father was too embarrased to call a doctor. It was a welcoming experience as I lived for days in a world of absolute detachment - no emotional response, no speech. Just spaced out. This was to happen a few more times. It was not a suicide attempt but rather an attempt to 'switch off' from the world. Have a break from the over-active thoughts, actions. I have had to live most of my life on a roller-coaster, but I really did enjoy some of those hypes. I do not trust men, as betrayal and 'not being good enough' or 'you are just too much to handle'. Much as I have always wished for a loving relationship, I guess, that deep down, I knew that it would not last and in so doing, sabotaged it. I live with 'my bipolar' (I think that each is unique) and whilst I do have mood swings, I am aware, so withdraw, contemplate, meditate and know that the 'down' will pass and control the 'high' become physically and creatively active and it has the rewards. There are so many, many experiences that I could share about my living with bi-polar, which I know stems from my rebellious childhood/teenage and adult years, but in hindsight, I survive as best I can at being 'different'. If you would like to share experiences, I would be happy to do so.

    janisr@three.com.au

  • Carol

    Dear People,

    Bi-Polar runs in my family and now my boyfriend has a form of it and is in denial. I have studied alternative medicines, and Chinese Accupuncture and herbs can help bring the body - mind back into balance. Also a cutting edge diagnostic balancing system developed by chiropractors which has grown into many advanced areas may work also. Applied Kinesiology, Applied Physiology are internationally practiced therapies.

    Chinese medicine- extended stress wears out the Adrenal Glands and is part of the Kidney Meridian which is like the tree trunk of the body-mind. Check out the Shen Clinic in Berkeley CA. online too.

    Google the technique - Applied Kinesiology, Specialized Kinesiology, Energy Kinesiology for other healthy ways to bring balance back to the mind, and body. "3 in One Concepts" is one of the organizations that teaches and has lists of practioners, "Leap" deals with Learning Disabilites and Brain access and function. Keep looking and asking.

    in European herbalism, the herb Valerian is used to calm the central nervous system and muscles and I have used it to help me sleep when I can't shut my brain off. 4 capsules works for me and I'm about 160 lbs. there are some good combinations of herbs too that include Skullcap.

    Keep your protien intake to 2ce a day-long burning fuel and it is grounding easy on carbs. and sugars, exercise to use up the energy physically and try to keep to a regular routine. (Easy for me to say!)

    Good Luck and ask the Great Spirit for guidance and divine assistance. We are multi-dimensional Beings and very vulnerable/sensitive to all forms of abuse. Also check out doing your astrology chart on www.astrodienst.com. It can give great insight to your personality. also Dan Millman's book on Numerology!

  • Beautiful Life Counselor

    Sissynana, or Ariel:

    Your experience sounds quite common to me. I have worked with people with Bipolar I Disorder (and others) for many years, and at the worst peak of a manic episode, they have become delusional and psychotic, including visual and auditory hallucinations, with sometimes very frightening themes. I'm glad that you are convinced to stay on your meds, though feel free to discuss with your doctor what are the latest and least harmful meds available for you. I wish you all the best! You're awesome with all of your accomplishments and courage! God bless you!

  • Margie

    I was in the hospital for severe major depression last December, and am till in therapy. And I feel I am getting great help. My oldest daughter who is 35 has had problems over the years with depression and drugs. She has started on meds and they seemed to only make her more angry. She seems to be obessed with me and her father's decion's on our lives, and has labled me with her own opion's. I have been under dioctor's care seen my hoptial stay, and she thinks they are wrong and she is right. If I tell how I feel I am being toxic, her Uncle toke his life at 25 years old he had bipolar. I am trying to be their for her but, it seems all she can talk about is what I am doing wrong. I don't know what to do everthing I try seems to make her more angry.

  • Anonymous-26

    I am 17 & I'm not sure if I am bipolar... But lately I have seem to be very depressed like I'm worthless and I lose my temper, An When I do lose my temper I can't seem to control myself... I'm lacking in sleep! I haven't told my mom... But I am afraid & don't want to believe that I might have a problem. No one in my family has Bipolar... I just don't know how to deal or explain to my mom that I might have a problem!

  • Anonymous

    I'm usually an extremely calm, quiet, and mildly happy individual and I normally am good about not getting angry over most things. But today, I had a huge angry loss of temper over something so simple, and it's happened an additional 2 times in the past half of a year.

    I have no clue what this is. Am I just a huge internalizer, or do I have problems with anger?

  • Marzymc

    Can anyone tell me what damage I have done to my health by deliberately overdosing on my meds? I will not ask my doctor but I am having health problems.

  • Kaitlyn Murphy

    I have been diagnosed bipolar for 2 years now. I understand the struggles I have sought help and I want to be here for anyone who needs help. The feeling of taking your life are the demons we deal with everyday. There is help. If you feel like something is wrong but you just aren't sure. Go to the doctors it will change your life

    please don't give up!! Email me first kaitlyn_murphy@msn.com

    subject help

  • CYoung

    And I tried killing myself in August of 2012 & I went to a crazy hospital..I'm on SSI & Sometimes I can't deal wtih being at home anymore because I'm just not happy. I'm 19 years old and I want to be on my own..I tried recently but My dad says that I can't because I'm labeled 51/50 and he also said that He would have to put me ina girls home if I tried leaving..I just want to know if it is true or not or If I can move out and be on my own

  • Anonymous-27

    You should contact a lawyer as if you are 19 then legally your money should be your own unless a court has dictated otherwise. Also, if that's the case you could seek a second mental evaluation that maybe would be more comprehensive and involve an assesment of your surrounding's in addition to your own particular state of mind. This is just lay advice and I'm not qualified to counsel anyone on anything but I have been involved in a similar mental health situation. Best of Luck.

  • michael

    It seems to mean you very well could be you remind me much on me when i was younger. In these times you need to find a out let for me it was music writing poems and song and listening to music. It was very theraputic and helped me through the hard times. AThe times when i had a crushed bottle of pills waiting to take them or a razor to my neck waiting for that $$$$ it monemt where i could jsut let the world slip away. I wrote about it About how the world made me feel the things i was sick of the hate we have. I wrote it all down. TWHe spirits war in my head was a tltle of one on my favorites THe good the evil heaven and hell. zJust find your spark and use it in your highes and lows if you can chanel your feeling in these times you will see somehting beautiful emerge out of the darkness. It may just take you to where you want to be.

  • Caroline

    I am a bi-polar effective, Myhusband was forced by the state to obtain a gardianship within two weeks after his teturn from the military on me. found out latter this also locked him into staying married to me, unless the gardinnshipistransfered to another direct family member then the state will not grant a divorce.

    Due to sociatal and family pressures about how he was to live his life and be responsible to others in our society I was approached to try and keep him from using rights that were in his union contract. I was told at first it was just to let things stabliz with people for at most two years after he dropped back into his civilian job, Things just never seemed to stablize.

    I denied him sex for decades, but I did not live upto the same ideals set for him, I found without sex I was actually hurting, so my father in law set me up with a number of his friends sons, it was his idea to deny sex to his son as a control, i promised that if my husband could compromise and not use his union rights then I would become a real wife. Things went well foreverone by using this method for 16 years, My husband would try and argue his way out of working weekends and holidays or try and take a personal day every once in a while, I used this promise every time to keep him from haveing his own way at work, then he had to have a brain tumor removed in july 2001. after that to get him to do what wveryone wanted like his fathers friends. Things became very dicy with my husband He no longer listened at all to me, He took thejob he wanted and the shift he wanted and when several peaple were to teach him a lesson in who really was going to do something instead of my husband I watched him teach the men that where supposed to teach him a lesson in humility just howbad pain is. I watched him destroy four men in under a minute because he would not back down.

    His father even had to resort to using a shotgun to force my husband to work holidays insteadof forcing others to in his place. things just developed that my husband did not get a holiday home until this last labor day since 1978, the last four years hae also been very rough with MRSA in his spine, catching me in an affair. having several intestinal bleeds and strokes.

    This last year he has marshalled what strength he has left and staged a revolt, After the affair he hurt the man I was with very badly. Towo weeks latter he came home from a stress center himself. It was the wrong day, I was doing his father a favor and going to a political dinner with a friend of his when my husband came home unexpectedly, My husband decided I was not going, Then he decided He had waited as long as he was going to wait and raped me, then hurt the man I was suposed to go with, memorial day my husband was told to leave his own home, and the cookout here. Because several of his fathers friends that were coming did not like the idea my husband was going to be there. So his father told him he had to leave for at leastuntil he was called to come home. My husband told his father to go to hell. His mother has been trying to find out the whole story behind all the hate and annimosity from the last few years she was never told how we forced my husband to be the better man in society.

    Memorial day evenening ended with a man running for his life, I was supposed to accompany him to after dinner drinks, When my husband told him he was about to go to the emergency room to remove his arm from his rear, his father beinf very angry about the insult and my husband taking his reservation at my side, I was not about to dispute my husband in the mood he was in., His father slapped him for being rude. My husband then showed how rude he could be when he backhanded his father on his rear across the kitchen, There were plans made to have my husband sedated and removed fro our house until after the 4th of july holiday was over, But my husband caught the man holding the hypo and just about choked him to death, then he took the hypo and told the guy if he ever graced his hous or his sight again his life was at that time done.

    I was asked out to go to breakfast to talk about what what to do on memorial day, My husband had to let me go with them at gunpoint, Two men were holding pistols on my husband, I went to keep anyone geting hurt. My husband walks into the restraunt with his cane and uses it to break the jaw of one of the men that had a weapon. He did not even give him a chance, to reach for it. Then he put the cane to the other mans throat and theatened to run him through. His father was yelling for the police to arrest my husband, when my husband produce a thumb drive with CCTV pictures of what transpired that morning.

    The police in this town ar not looking at the treat of usinf a firearm as a threat at all lightly, They all had black on thier badges for another officer being buried that day and the city is shocke about two men drawing down on each other and shooting seven bystanders.

    Again my husband used somthing I did not know about him installing to prove what he was doing was self protection, I am finding the situation dangerous. my father in law wants my husband controled, I find i have trouble concentrating. I can't understand why a man that says he once loved me could be so creul in the protection of his own wants and rights. The drugs I take for my own bi polar keep me in sort of a fog, and I don't know what I can do now for the protection of everyone including myself and my husband. The doctors at the VA say he suffers as a PTSD effective person now, They say that everything that was done to him in the navy. the things we did over the years, the brain surgery, them the MRSA in his spine, as well as him not getting treatment until now, they think he might never be able to just back down again, he wont compromise, he wont allow even a suggestion to be made. If I go out he is at my side. His father may as well stay away. And there are about 12 men that have been told they had better stay away, or else. My own sentance is descibed above, I am to be a real wife, I will be allowed no privacy with friends. especialy male friends. And he does not care if I dont like his rules, this morning he has given me 2 options, He would leave me with a very sharp bowie knife for five or six hours. or I can put my feet on the street and go forever.

    My mother wont let me come back, and I fel very agitated, I just want my life to be right, My husband says that is not possible now. Me and his father removed that option decades ago. He says he was bullied, and has taken proff to the DA and the US attorny, The US attorny wants to file charges of consiracy to deny civil rigts. I asked what about what he did to me last year. He said after reading myjournals i might be lucky if I went to the witness stand and the jury sentanced me to life.

    My father in law thinks my husband is a coward for taking the fight to a public place yesterday. My husband said he could have made a couiple of pipe howetzers put a whole bunc of brads in them and invited the guys with the guns back and trigered them into thier face, &Then lets see how public this gets,

    He has been discovering ther men and women in a similar situation. I personaly think he intends to change sociaty to the worst. There have to be people that have a few more rights,

  • liz EEE

    Violent person, I know someone told me about a person walking into work and yelling at a employee. throwing things, & yelling. this goes on for about a hour. Then he walks around acting like nothing ever happen... What is wrong with this person??? I am scared of him