Abusive Girlfriend


I have been seeing this girl for several months. She is being treated for bipolar disorder. She treats me good one minute and like dirt the next. She doesn’t listen to me, and tells me she can do what ever she wants when she wants no matter how it affects me. She can get out of hand very easily and get violent to the point where I need to protect myself. I try to leave the argument but she attacks me. I push her away or grab her arms (which get bruised easily). Then she calls the cops and says I beat her. I believe this is all due to her anxiety. I am looking for a way to calm her down so she doesn’t act like this. She also blames it all on me when the fight is over. She says I could have done this or that to make things better. The thing is – I tried doing the things she’s suggested. All she remembers is what I did to her (out of self defense). She thinks I attacked her. I Love her with all my heart and am just looking for ways to help her. Thank you.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
  • ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.

Your girlfriend’s Bipolar Illness certainly can be expected to complicate her life and her moods. However, her illness does not excuse her abusive behavior towards you. I advise you to worry less about her welfare and more about your own. You deserve to be treated better than this. I hope you will consider ending this relationship and searching for another partner who will respect you and not act in a violent manner. Thanks for writing, – Anne

More "Ask Anne" View Columnists

Myndfulness App

Designed to Help You Feel Better Daily

Myndfuless App Rating

Download Now For Free

Learn More >