Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Ad Info & Options

Abusive Girlfriend

Question:

I have been seeing this girl for several months. She is being treated for bipolar disorder. She treats me good one minute and like dirt the next. She doesn’t listen to me, and tells me she can do what ever she wants when she wants no matter how it affects me. She can get out of hand very easily and get violent to the point where I need to protect myself. I try to leave the argument but she attacks me. I push her away or grab her arms (which get bruised easily). Then she calls the cops and says I beat her. I believe this is all due to her anxiety. I am looking for a way to calm her down so she doesn’t act like this. She also blames it all on me when the fight is over. She says I could have done this or that to make things better. The thing is – I tried doing the things she’s suggested. All she remembers is what I did to her (out of self defense). She thinks I attacked her. I Love her with all my heart and am just looking for ways to help her. Thank you.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
  • ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

Your girlfriend’s Bipolar Illness certainly can be expected to complicate her life and her moods. However, her illness does not excuse her abusive behavior towards you. I advise you to worry less about her welfare and more about your own. You deserve to be treated better than this. I hope you will consider ending this relationship and searching for another partner who will respect you and not act in a violent manner. Thanks for writing, – Anne

More "Ask Anne" View Columnists

Comments
  • Nelson

    I have been in a long distant relationship for about a 1 year and a half until last night. She was very abusive verbally and physically, to the point where she drew blood from some of her abusive punches. To tell you the truth this escalated over nothing, and I believe it had something to do with all the stress and anxiety that she was experiencing due to her moving to be closer to me. Also due to her recent financial problem with getting our place ready and moving all her belongings. I notice she had some anger issues and maybe some mental disorders ( Bipolar or worse.) I was in denial and always thought her actions were because something I may have done wrong. Allot of it had to do with me loving her so much cause I could see the good in her, but when things got bad, it was the worst I ever experienced out of all the relationships I had. I guess I thought if i changed the way I approached things it would better our relationship. The truth is no one should have to go through this and their plenty of relationships with problems and issues that could be worked out together by communicating, not by violence. What sucks is she just moved all her stuff in a few days ago and now I don’t know what’s going to happen. I know I can't continue this relationship cause this would be the second time she got physical with me...and several times she has gotten mentally abusive. She was also very insecure and probably damaged due to other relationships in her life. Stupid me for trying to rescue her and be a better man… stupid me for trying to give her a life where she can have a good man. I'm a total mess now and in shock still as to what happen over the last 48 hrs. I just dropped her off at the airport because she was going to tie some loose ends before she finally settled here with me...but after all this….it very unlikely that will materialize. I should have ended things the first time I seen clues of this or at least the first time she put her hands on me. Love makes you do crazy things like forgive someone and try to see the good in people who don't deserve it or don't deserve someone like us. I was good to her, I’m in ruins now.I have to go home and see her furniture and belongings, which is just a reminder of her, and what happen...my healing process will take longer because of this, but I know I'm better off without her....you need to do the same…no matter what you can't help them, they need professional help, and before it gets worst or someone gets killed you need to reevaluate your relationship. Once respect has been broken, its like trust...everything goes downhill. I had to figure this out the hard way, after we invested so much time and money into this relationship. Make a change for the better, there are plenty of great women out there looking for love and happiness without all the extra drama. I feel you man:(

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand