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Husband Continually Annoyed/Angry With Me

Question:

My husband and I have been together for 14 years and in the last few months he has started becoming increasingly annoyed and angry with me over what I perceive to be insignificant or minor things such as misplacing a sock from the dryer, turning on the lamp to read when we’re both awake. He is stressed about work and has some anxiety issues. I am now wondering if he is depressed, because he doesn’t seem personally satisfied with his life. I don’t know what to do but his constantly being annoyed with me is really straining our marriage, because I find I want to avoid being around him.

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Answer:

There is something that is upsetting your husband that he is showing by getting angry over small things. The fact that his anger makes you not want to be around him is something that is understandable. Yet, something is going on.

It is always difficult to understand what another person is going through if they won’t talk about it. I assume you have asked him what is wrong. If it’s true that, over the course of your marriage, this rarely happens, then it’s important he open up about what he is going through. That includes the fact that he may be annoyed with you over something you do not understand. In the context of marriage, I always question whether there is some sexual dissatisfaction. But, this is the trouble, in the absence of information, it is impossible to know.

There are married couples who live together for years and never really talk to one another. I don’t know if that is true for you but it seems like a good idea would be for you and he to sit down, admit there is a problem and what it is. In doing this the idea is to avoid an arguement. In fact, I would suggest you take turns listening and speaking to guarantee you hear one another and without judgment. In any case, the two of you must talk and both of you gain some clarification. Remember, your husband might also not know why he is upset, if he even thinks he is. He may believe nothing is wrong, though I doubt that.

There is no substitute for talking, if you are willing to listen.

Best of Luck

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