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Same Sex Curiosity

Question:

Why do I have such a strong curiosity about sex with another man?

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  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
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Answer:

Thank you for sending in this question because it provides me an opportunity to discuss a topic that disturbs many people and I hope the answers will help both you and them.

Many decades ago Sigmund Freud made the observation that all human beings begin life with a bisexual orientation and there is no reason to believe that he was incorrect. In fact, inutero during the first trimester all fetuses are female. It is not until later during pregnancy that the male and female sex organ characteristics develop and that MD’s can determine the gender of the fetus.

Later, long after birth and growth latency age children (approximately ages 5 to 11 years old) engage in some homosexual play. Same age children will fondle one another, compare genitals, and even masturbate together. This is true of both boys and girls. During early adolescence boys will have the proverbial "pissing contests" to see whose stream is longest. Even more starkly, some boys will have what is referred to as a "circle jerk" during which the boys will compete to see who masturbates the fastest and ejaculates the farthest.

Adolescent boys and girls admire one another’s physiques and carefully study popular models in teen magazines in an attempt to emulate what they see. All of this is a form of homosexual interest.

Even later, during young adulthood, people will have an erotic interest in same sex activities. It is not unusual for some men and more women to experiment with homosexuality for a brief period of time and then go on to be completely heterosexual. None of this means that an individual is homosexual.

I do not know how old you are but there is an excellent chance that your interest is nothing more than a passing interest or some pleasure in fantasy.

Those people who go on to make a homosexual adjustment in their lives often report that they had strong feelings towards the same sex when they were very young. Those who have had sexual experience with both sexes have reported to me over the years that their most powerful feelings were in homosexual experiences as compared to the heterosexual ones.

If you have heterosexual sexual experience and intensely enjoy it then your fantansies are nothing more than that.

For most people sexual feelings and behaviors are not a matter of choice. Even if someone had one or two homosexual experiences they know firmly whether they are the one or the other.

Remember, there is a huge difference between fantasy and reality.

To answer your question I have to say that your interest is either the bisexual type of curiosity experienced by many and that it will pass or that it is part of a dawing awareness of homosexuality. It is the intense nature of your experiences that are really defining. Either way, you can make a healthy adjustment.

I hope this brings you some clarity but if it does not please seek psychotherapy. 

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