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Same-Sex (Gay Boyfriend) Doesn't Desire Sex... Why?

Question:

I’m completely smitten with my current partner who I have been with for seven months. Yet, compared to previous relationships, we have very rarely have sex. I, at first, assumed it was because he was a virgin and didn’t know what to do or was nervous. Then I began to fear I was doing something wrong. Yet I was assured I was doing everything right. He, however, rarely desires sex. Maybe once or twice every two to three months. For me this this has been tough. Why is he like this? Is it just his hormonal levels or what?

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Answer:

Whether its homosexual or hetersexual sex, there are some people who have stronger sex drives than others. In the case of your lover it is impossible to know why he does not want sex more often. Perhaps it is hormonal, doubts about his sexuality, or any other variety of reasons.

Its really important for you to understand that this is not your fault. In fact, on one is at fault. Its just the way it is.

However, it is difficult for most people to stay in a relationship where there the frequency of sex is too inadequate.

I wonder if you have discussed this problem with him. Its amazing how many couples, whether homo or heterosexual, talk about their sex lives with one another. You really need to talk to him, if you have not already done so, and make him aware of how much this pains you.

In discussing this with him, it is also important to ask if there is anything that he is upset about in your relationship together. Sometimes a mate will harbor angry feelings about something that happend and end up now wanting sex. Its better to get things out into the open.

Also, consider the possible of psychotherapy for couples. Over the years I worked with homosexual couples that were having a hard time. Any good therapist who is experienced in couple therapy will do. I am heterosexual but never had an issue individuals or couples being gay. If you have doubts and would feel more comfortable, I can tell you that there are gay psychotherapist who can help just as well.

In the end, if he cannor or will not change, you have to consider moving on. I know that ending a relationship is very painful but, sometimes there is nothing else to do. Otherwise, the danger is that you will become resenful and even come to hate him. That’s just human nature and I am sure you do not want that to happen.

Best of Luck

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