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Unable To Keep Eye Contact

Question:

My problem is that I am unable to directly look into people’s eyes when I am trying to converse with them. Embarrassingly, I find my eyes tend to indirectly look at people’s sexual parts, for example, breasts, thighs, penis and so on. This condition occurs with whoever I am having a conversation with, i.e., men, women, young, old, work colleagues friends and relatives. I have no real control over this and I have suffered from this condition for the past 8-9 years. It has generally got worse over time. I am 41 and in a stable and happy marriage and I do not believe that I have a sexual problem. I have, however, suffered from anxiety/stress/worry since I was about 28 or so. I am gradually bringing my anxiety under control but I would very much like to treat this problem as it would help treat my anxiety and enable me to socialize with people without fear. I would like to know what the problem is and how it can be treated. Thank you.

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Answer:

In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), in the chapter on Anxiety Disorders, there is a subcategory for “Social Phobia”. Social phobia essentially involves painful symptoms of anxiety that occur in relation to particular social events. Common forms of social phobia have to do with anxiety around dating, or anxiety around public speaking, but there are many people who qualify for the diagnosis with a more general report of anxiety in diverse social interactions. I can’t know that this is your specific problem, but I can say that it’s something you might want to ask a psychologist or psychiatrist to consider when evaluating you for this difficulty. Your choice of visiting a psychologist or psychiatrist is significant in regard to the treatment for this problem. Social Phobia is very treatable in general, but a psychiatrist will most likely treat with anti-anxiety medications and a psychologist with Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Anxiety. In choosing between the two, I’d say the average person is better off with CBT as it has no side-effects, uses no drugs you could get addicted to, and tends to have a longer lasting effect when the therapy ends. Good luck.

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Comments
  • Pearl

    I have no problem with this, but know people who do - it's apparently quite common with autistic spectrum individuals. Looking someone in the eye can be quite intimidating, so... don't. Look at the point between their eyes, their nose or forehead. Most people won't be able to tell that you aren't looking directly at their eyes, and it should be easier, and may even acclimatise you to eventually looking at peoples eyes. Once you've got that down - don't keep staring at that one spot, a fixed stare wigs people out. Follow their eyebrows, and then glance to their mouth occasionally. Following a triangular pattern (left eyebrow, right eyebrow, mouth) generally looks quite natural. Anyway, hope that helps.

  • Anonymous-1

    To the original poster, i want to say i have the EXACT symptoms. Do email me if you would like to stay in touch (universalove76@gmail.com) and discuss therapies and solutions. Thank you for posting, its been torturous going through this disorder, and i want to let you know you are not alone. I tried Pranayama Yoga by Swami Ramdev (breathing exercises) and they have helped me on multiple levels. I highly recommend it, its free, and takes only about 30 minutes a day, and is good for physical and mental health in general.

    All the best.

    Thanks to Dr. Bombeck also for diagnosing the symptoms.

  • Anonymous-2

    I am 37 and have been suffering with the same problem for the past 4 years. It has been diagnosed as being related to OCD which I have had in some way or another since I was 11. I am taking Luvox CR which is for social anxiety and OCD and it doesn't seem to be helping...I am happily married and feel very blessed that he is understanding and supportive of this problem but I live in constant fear that this problem is going to effect my job. This problem does cause me a lot of anxiety and I m getting desperate and starting to consider elecctro shock therapy. I hope one day to feel like myself again when socializing with co-workers and friends.

  • Chris Bombay

    I must add that I am another sufferer of exactly the same thing...

    I'm 34 and have been suffering from this since 19 years of age with the condition going from worse to bad and back again..

    I certainly don't feel like I have a sexual disfuntion but its just there all the time..

    I feel its been the most dibilitating condition of my life, robbing me of a normal life.

    I do however take comfort in knowing I'm not the only one.. So for that I say thanks.. I just wish there was an offical title for this disorder ? If so I feel like setting up a website to help all people with this condition...

  • Rahul

    I am also suffering from this since the last 4 years. I have done a lot of research on this and have also met Psychiatrists and have realized that this is obsessive compulsive disorder. The obsessions are the thoughts which create anxiety and compulsions are the actions that we are forced to do due to anxiety.

    Now in this case when we talk to a female we get a fear ( Obsessions ) and we think that What if we look, what if we look and due to this fear we actually start staring at a females breast. Well I know we are innocent but it is our anxiety that forces us to look in this way. Luvox has helped me by 70%. The secret of coming out of this problem is to ignore your obsessions. When you get thoughts that what if you look at a breast while talking to a woman, you should tell your mind I don't care if I look. If you can control your anxiety and completely ignore the thought then you will be surprised that you will actually come out of the probelm. Unfortunately I have yet not been able to enough research on the root cause of the problem but I am sure I will one day throw this problem 100% out of my life. I request someone to email me if they have more information on this. My email is shivasecurities@gmail.com

  • Nina

    I have the exact symptoms mentioned here, only it's not limited at breasts. I also look at people's lips and genitals in an inappropriate manner. They can also be male or female, young or old, it really doesn't matter. I've been dealing with this for over 10 years and it has severely impacted my life on a personal, social and professional level. I even attempted suicide in part because of this. I'm looking to keep in touch with someone who has this. Maybe we can find a way of helping each other out through this. My address is ninaskye40@live.ca

  • Anonymous-3

    Add 1 more to ur club people. Stuck up in hell. I hope we get out of this rut

  • sosad09

    I was perfectly fine (!) until 1998, till I had my baby. Then it started slowly, at first, then quite often. I am a teacher and have been teaching for many years now. I teach all ages, men, women and children. My husband has been and continues to be so loving and supportive. I am truly blessed in every way, except for this affliction. It has progressively become worse - from panic attacks, severe blushing, blackouts, extreme mood swings to debilitating fear and anxiety. These days I can't even look into my students' eyes. My eyes stray to their breasts, and I try so very hard not to look. It feels like everyone is watching me, judging my thoughts, looking down at me. All classes are becoming challenging. I meditate frequently, use various breathing techniques, but nothing is helping. With a growing child in the house, I am afraid to lose respect from my child. I have started taking brandy shots before starting my classes. Don't know where to go. How long until I give up entirely.

  • queenratty

    Finding this article was a life-saver especially given that I am a female with this problem and find my eyes flitting to people's chests because I find it painful to make eye contact. This isn't so bad with men but the women in my office all avoid me like the plague as I freak them out.

    I refuse to be beaten by this and I'm sick of it making my life a misery so what is the solution? If it is indeed OCD then would NLP help it? Or CBT as the doctor suggests? I know that relaxation techniques don't help at the time they only help to calm me down after I've had an episode and am feeling incredibly upset about it.

    Any suggestions or personal experience on what has helped would be amazingly helpful.

    :)

  • mak2009

    for the last five years, i am sufferring exact same problem. but before, i was a friendly and sociable person every body would like to be with.

    i am 31, working and going school, and i do not have sexual problem.

    i am unable to learn effectivelly and it really creates a bad impression among my teachers.when i make the extreme effort to look at a particular person properly, i am unable to get what they are saying as all of my mental energy is lost in looking at that person properly. please help me with my problem.


    I request someone to email me if they have more information on this. mekonenedue@yahoo.com

    thank you

  • david korz

    I remember the day it started. My friend was commenting on how he disliked it when people didn't maintain eye contact during a conversation. I began to wonder what am I looking at during conversations. From that day 15 years ago my problem has worsened . I find my eyes shifting away from eye contact to breasts, groins and anything inappropriate. This has made my life very hard to manage, with people avoiding interaction after a first encounter with my wandering gaze. Please contact me if you want to talk about it or if you have helpful advice.

  • Anonymous-4

    my OCD began at 16 years of age.since birth am havin very severe tonsilitis..i still fall ill every month due to tonsilitis infection.i have difficulty looking at people in the eye,the worst part is i tend to look indirectly at their penis,breasts,lips..unintentionally.breathing excercises do calm me down but don help me wid this problem.am currently on fluoxamine for ocd.there are times when i smoke i can make proper eye contact.(no research has been done on this).am a female and i don doubt my sexual orientation.i need a permanent solution for this.also my boyfriend feels very bad when i look at his down all the time,he thinks am a sex addict(ive never had sex till date)when infact when am lookin at his down am not thinkin of sex at all.

  • soon to be boss

    I've had this for ten years. I can say honestly, it has only gotten worse. It must be super-rare because this is the only thing I've ever found on it, other than a thing from 5 years ago. I believe it was a japanese name characterizing our condition. And one thing that jumped out from the document was that talking about it just makes it worse. Well, it's hard to imagine anything can make it worse worse for me. IF there's cleavage, I'm in trouble, a t-shirt, I gaze uncontrollably. I want to know if ANYONE has had success getting rid of this thing. I will glance at male crotches if someone is sitting in that position. It's awful and to the point now where I know people are avoiding me. I hope that is just me being mostly paranoid, but I know there's truth in it. I think things outside of work, like people are talking about this behind my back. Or if they know they have a meeting with me the next day, they'll where a scarf or sweater. Please keep updating any progress of links. I have a wonderful job, great family. And I want to really appreciate life. It's just this one thing that's ruining it. I have had daydreams about suicide, christ I never pegged myself for that kind of thinking. But it's there now. I won't act on it. But it's entered the equation for me unfortunately. I want help. I've just been made partner of my company and will be the boss. Much more interaction. Many more meetings. More hell. I stare at my mother-in laws breasts during dinner, my sisters, anyone. This is the first time I've ever opened up about it. Feels good. But worried by the lack of remedy among this group. Nobody seems like they're getting better. Where does this take us.

  • Anonymous-5

    It was hard to find this page because there doesn't seem to be any official name for this problem, and for a long time I thought I was the only tortured soul having to live with this. The fact that women also have it absolutely astounds me. Maybe we should call this SED, for Shifty-Eye-Disorder? My self-diagnosis follows.

    A common thing with other folks who have posted here is that I have a great family, a great job, no material complaints of any sort whatsoever.

    I do remember being shy as a kid, and I was usually uncomfortable in social situations. But I also remember that I pretty much normalized in my late teens, once the testosterone kicked into full gear. Since then I remember always being able to suppress any shyness with pure macho bravado, until the problem disappeared.

    Fast forward to shortly after my wife gave birth to our first child..the breastfeeding phase..and I remember the roots of this problem being planted at that time. I allowed myself to get fixated on looking at breasts, thinking that it would pass soon.

    But it didn't. Soon I nearly flunked a job offer because the interviewer was female and I kept glancing at her cleavage while answering her questions. Now, 11 years later it is nearly ruining my life. I cannot look at any female without first looking down at her chest, whether it be at the office or on the street, or at home. It doesnt matter even if she is wearing a thick neck high sweater without any skin showing whatsoever, but still I must stare. Not so much stare, but my forced attempts to look her directly in the eyes during a conversation always get broken by microscopic furtive glances down there, and she always detects it, whoever it is.

    At first it was limited to other women, but now maybe because I am constantly obsessing over how to fix this thing, its gotten worse. No one is safe from my shifty eyes, including my wife and mother-in-law. And now recently this has started happening with men as well. If the guy is sitting on a chair opposite and the crotch is visible even slightly, my eyes cannot ignore it. The harder they try, the worse it gets. In fact, the eyes constantly move to whatever should NOT be focused on. If the crotch is not visible, and the guy is wearing short sleeves, then I dread the guy resting his hands up behind his head, showing the armpits in full glory.

    Its madness that this specific thing has not been given its own subclassification within the OCD realm.

  • Yosh

    To hear successful, normal adults describe a problem that has always made me feel like an unhinged freak is pretty amazing. I have the exact same symptoms. Though, in addition, I also find it difficult not to obsessively and repeatedly glance at people that I'm not talking to if they are in my field of vision. It has actually gotten a lot better for me over time. However, when I'm ever in a situation where I'm aware I'm being judged or evaluated it can come back full force. Like others on this board I have felt that, in time, I will be accused and rejected. I imagine myself unable to defend myself as I helplessly repeatedly glance at my accusers breasts. I'm gay and I feel like I'm sexually harassing women, sometimes old women, that I could never be attracted to, even if I wanted to be.

    I think its already been mentioned, its the fear of "bad" eye contact that gives the compulsion its power. If you can let go of this fear then 'presto' the problem seems to dissipate. Ironically, if you actually wanted to look at a womans chest, or a man's groin then there would be no fear, and no compulsion. I think if you look over the stories on this message board you can see that the consequences of this compulsion are mostly internal. Successful business people and teachers have the problem and are still accepted, still successful. I think its important to let yourself know that it really is okay to glance down from someones eyes, its usually neither noticeable or any great offense. Even when it is noticed it is usually quickly forgotten and there are no real consequences. It really is nothing to be afraid of, once you relax and allow yourself to realize that then it loses its power over you.

  • Sufferer since 1975

    Thank you to whoever started this blog. I tried for months until I came across this blog.

    I am also in this category-34 years old it started four years ago and becoming worse, I have tried counseling, medication, ignoring the problem and even preparation techniques for upcoming social events. Noone noticed where I worked, but I finally quit my career for fear of being noticed with such a problem. I feel so alone and really can't communicate to anyone what I am suffering from.

    Prior to this, I was an extrovert. Always enjoying speaking to anyone that crossed my path. I am a good person that lives by the words "Treat others as you would like to be treated". And now I avoid all social events and feel like a complete pervert.

  • In regards to previous email

    I would like to add that I have been practicing the Prayanama Yoga now for three days. Amazing results so far. I still have a long road ahead of me, but some how this week I was able to communicate for a short period of time without the shifty eye. Thank you for suggesting this site. I will let all of you know how I am progressing with this. To sufferers, worth a try nothing else seems to help with the actual problem.

    May God be with all of you. Stay strong and positive--we will overcome this obstacle.

  • Anonymous-6

    I've had the same problem since 1999 and despite therapy, SRIs, etc. nothing works. Maybe we need a support group on-line or a subgroup within OCD Tribe.com

  • Brian

    anyone on it? anyone try it? I just started. There has to be a way to beat this thing. Good to hear about yoga. Can I still do yoga with a problematic back? I like the idea of a little forum- I hate searching for this link all the time. I'm going to beat this thing. I'm going all out to get it taken care of this year. I have never really tried before.

    Out of curiosity, do any/all of you have a real concern about what people think of you. and even before this thing started, was that worry in you? Did you have low self esteem before the ailment?

    Also, in terms of your childhood, did any of your parents/siblings walk around naked a lot.

    Trying to find some common link.

  • Dain

    Hello,

    I have had this same problem and it started when I was a dishwasher. I blame it on Methamphetamine use. I used it for a month before that. My dad molested my adopted Sister might have had a part in it. I tried Zoloft, worked a little bit but not much. I want to try Luvox as this person on this blog mentioned worked for them 70%. I think I might just be complaining about not getting laid to God maybe. I know that it is accidental. I have tried all kinds of herbs, chamomile, l-theanine(may be good) just look up herbs for OCD. I saw a doc but no help just wanted money. Anybody have any suggestions would be much appreciated. God Bless and good luck.

  • Brian

    I'm now a day 3 on anafrinil. Feels like I'm on cold medication. Which I can maybe deal with if it gets me to get rid of this thing. I will say I had moments of happyness yesterday. (kind of like a melow high). Has anyone had success with cognitive therapy. Would like to do as much as I can all at once. And are there any more links like this one that you can share. There has to be 1 person in the world who has beat this. I refuse to believe that nothing can be done. People with way bigger problems get cured. This is so minor by comparison.

  • had enough

    i have this disorder i do it to everyone since i was 19 im 39 now im contemplating suicide i cant take it no more , i also cant be touched by anyone without ticking , i dont know where to turn help im in london

  • Anonymous-7

    Don't commit suicide things can always get better. Try seeing a doc and getting some luvox. There is many things you can do to help yourself. email me for information drudolph00@yahoo.com.

  • Anonymous-8

    Hi people,

    Yep used to have same thing, pure stress, grief, thought about suicide. There are things which must be clarified...

    1) You are not a pervert - the reason why you are scared about this is because you dont want to look, not because you want to (if that makes sense).

    (2) Most people do it anyway, but the difference is they do not realise it. The only difference is that you have a fear of being a "perv" - do you get it? but your not (because if you were you would enjoy looking, not fear it)

    (3) Following on from (2), you need to realise that if you do see them its not a big deal, not even a small deal. Just because your aware of "them" (private parts etc) does not make you any different to anyone else, because ultimately they are finite objects which are there, and ocassionally like every other human beings they appear in your field of vision. The only difference is that you are anxious about this. But you need to know that it is just internal thoughts, paranoia, its not real. like the kid who thinks the doll is looking at him/her, its not real. No one is thinking bad things about you.

    (4) Alot of it is to do with confidence. You must try to regain this. Like im sdure your aware, there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Thats the whole thing here. Irrational fear, its not so much that you have this "problem" because the problem is not real. But the fear is. Do whatever it is that makes you feel confident about yourself, confident that you are IN FACT a darn site BETTER than most of the immoral people in this world. Whether its eating better, exercise, whatever you know what makes you stronger, better, faster stronger.

    ** YOU WILL be ok, thoroughly ok. I know, i was the same. You will, and one day when this realisation kicks in i hope you can help other people who have this issue, do not forget about them and leave them to suffer, help them and tell them that things are going to be ok and tell them how ** OH BY THE WAY, LETS NOT FORGET THIS IS ALL THANKS TO GOD, WHO KNOWS US INSIDE OUT AND WHO GIVES US PEACE IN THIS IN THAT HE KNOWS OUR HEARTS ARE GOO** GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU.

  • Sufferer since 2005

    Hello everyone. Just sharing this with all of you has made a tremendous difference. I am continuing the breathing yoga but have a difficult time practicing it every day with a very hectic schedule. If anyone would like to try it please visit the following site http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_Jnra2O9Fc.

    I also have been researching OCD (Obesessive Compulsive Disorder).The following herbs have been proven to significantly reduce OCD, but please if you do try it "Check with your doctor first". Even herbs interact with certain medical conditions and medicines. Research the following and see if it maybe a step for you. Inositol, Ultra Omega, B-complex and a multivitamin. Web MD provides valuable information regarding each herb http://www.webmd.com/vitamins-supplements/default.aspx

    I am taking the following herbs after significant research and are already seeing results after a week. I know this is strange because full results will not be noticed for 6 weeks and sometimes even three months, but I feel better. Inositol 3 tablets of 500 mg, 1 capsule 3 times daily of Ultra Omega 3/6/9(Borage, Fish and Flaxseed oil), 1 capsule of B-Complex and a multivitamin. I always purchase at a "health food store" better quality of herbs.

    The inositol basically blocks me from that fear and compulsion. I only take 3 tablets which is a low amount in capsule form but it is recommended to take 18g in powder form for OCD (gradually increasing from a low amount to 18 grams). Please research and talk with your doctor and see if it helps.

    I am going to combine this with the breathing yoga, as well as herbs and regular exercise and see what happens. We will beat this!

  • Anonymous-9

    Can we all start up a group or something like that...where we can share our experiences and find techniques to deal with this,i have been suffering from this problem since 6 years,and yes it has lot to do with confidence levels.the day this all started (unknowingly)how i din even realise that itll be lifelong thingy for me. :( i was 16 back then.

  • Sufferer since 2005

    I remember about two years ago I changed my life style by exercising 2 hours a day--vigorous excercise, combination of speed walking for 10 minutes and then 1 minute of running as fast as I could. I also changed my diet to low carb, increased vegetables and fruits, and drank lots of water. I also took a centrum multivitamin that was for highly active individuals. I felt confident, energetic and simply amazing. I beat the "Eye Wanderer OCD" for almost 6 months, but then I was placed in the hospital with puenomonia for a week and then was sick with it for at least two months thereafter. I fell behind in my work, home and school, and I just didn't have the time to dedicate to myself. I just became so depressed and the OCD returned slowly and full effects within weeks.

    I do believe vitamins, minerals, healthy lifestyle and lots of excercise does cure OCD. I don't know about all of you, but I always put others infront. In order to beat this, we will have to put ourselves first.

    Good luck to all and may God Bless all of us:)

  • ny_downtown

    I am suffering from the same. It started 4.5 years ago. Before that I was a normal human being. Glad to know that I am not alone with this problem.

    But I am not going to let this ruin my life. As you all say, it has to do with the confidence level. This is what I am planning on doing:

    1) Join a gym 2) Read one article from TIME magazine. 3) Will challenge my self to have a converation with a stranger ( woman ) either at a grocesory store or in in an elevator. 4) Think positive about life.

    I will keep you posted of my progress.

  • Brian

    Okay, finally improvements. I'm up to 5 little anafrinal pills a day. Minimal side effects. I take the pills at night. The pills just reduce anxiety. I've gone from a glass half empty guy to a half full guy. My work life is less stressful, my home life is less stressful, family functions are less stressful. But it's not just the pills. I have seen a therapist. And 'self-observation' is the technique that has worked for me. It's simply acknowleging the fear. For instance, if you have a meeting coming up, and you're worried about doing our thing, simply write it down. It gets the stress out of the way right there. Sounds crazy, but it has worked. I think it's been about 3 months. I'm on my way. M therapist thinks this thing will be gone all together. I'd love to say I'm totally cured. But it still comes into play. Just about 80% less than before. I actually listen to what ppl say as opposed to listening to my inner voice telling me 'don't look'. Also, this is the first time I have come to check this forum since my last post. I was checking forums like this every day. now, I dont stress about it . Good luck. I'll write more when my dosage goes up and how I'm doing at that point. See you in a month or so. Good luck....

  • Sufferer since 2005

    Well, I thought everything was well until the holidays. The stress of many faces during the holiday season as well as not enough meditation and exercise are playing the eye wandering back into my life. I am continuing the vitamins,will get back to the meditation, and also get back to the exercise. All combined really work for me. But this Summer, I am also joining the CBT counseling. I just think I need to face the fear already.

    I am glad the medicine is working for you as well as counseling. If you can do it, maybe there is hope for us all.

    I haven't shared my story with anyone except for this site--not my family, closest friend or counselor in the past. I thank God I came across this site.

    May God be with all of us.

  • Quentin Daniels

    What I find interesting is that everyone posting here clearly has the same symptoms, including me. More research has to be done, is this a specific disease? does it have a name? how do you cure it? I would be willing to create a website for this if I get enough response, my email is quentindaniels@live.com

  • Anonymous-10

    Thank god I found this page after so long search..am too in the same boat..i am 31 yr old male and suffering since almost 10 yrs now...

    A. I have problem only in talking to females only..no problem with males... my eyes too goes to there boobs even though I *DONT* want to....

    B. It is easier to look at there face when they are nearer.... the more near they are the better it is....but if she is say 5 feet or 10 feet far then my field of vision is between there face and boobs...and my eyes wander so quickly between face and boobs...although wandering of eyes it too fast..like a fraction of second on boobs and then back on face..so the way i look at gals make them adjust there clothes as if i am looking at there boobs and they become so concious...(but my god knows I dont want to look at there boobs...)..so while in office i try to walk with my face down looking at floor...all gals try to avoid me i know...


    C. Another thing i have noted is anything bulging catches the eye attraction..for exaple if the gal is having bigger boobs then more problem it is...if she is wearing a sweater such that her chest is all flat then wandering of eyes wont happen..or another example would be..lets say the person is wearing a black tshirt with some white line or shining pattern on tshirt around the place of chest then my eyes wud wander quickly at that point..so the point is something is wrong with the field of vision....



    Approaches i thought to get rid of this problem so far...
    ==============================


    a. Practice in looking at eyes or face of females on TV...but on tv i dont have much problem..so does it mean that I have some anxiety in talking in real to a female and thats why it happens in real and not on TV...

    b. do some eyes excercise..there must be some eye exercise to get rid of it...like try to looking at one particular point on wall or picture from a distace for some time..just look at that point....not sure how much wud it help....


    Does anyone has such findings too (particularly as mentioned in point C. above)...please reply..we are all here to be free from this diseases(whatever it is..)...

    --Mark123

  • Anonymous-8

    hello mate,

    i think the problem lies with fear. Thats all it is man. You *THINK* you have a *PROBLEM* but you don't. It's just a natural thing to notice things in your field of vision. The difference is you are worried of being thought of as a pervert or something. It's very important to relax and remember you have a choice to stress over a problem which isn't really there, or *REALISE* that its nothing to worry about, your doing *NOTHING* wrong. Its like if someone has a big zit on their face or has some sort of skin condition, your not doing nothing wrong, but just happen to be hyper worried that he/she might think wrongly of you, but after time realise they are not.

    This is the same thing here man, your not doing *ANYTHING* wrong, just worrying about the wrong thing. Free yourself, there is *NOTHING* to worry about. God bless. God WILL set you free, in the name of Jesus.

  • kalinov

    Guys, number one rule is dont give up, i know that some of the messages are old but whoever read this needs to know we are all in this together. Whenever your disorder happens think of me and think that guy who wrote that messsage is thinking of me. You are not alone and you know we know your not alone if that helps.

    Second is It gets better, trust me it might not mean alot but second rule is it gets better

    Third rule im going to give you is enxiety has alot to do with it , you need confidence and just go running alot an''d just rermember nobody is better than you , dont think do they think im a pervert or a weirdo'' Remember its there to look at

    Fourth rule is dont take it seriously and just have a laugh at something becouse dont let this stupid thing ruin you, You only live once so dont let it ruin you

    I will be updating this soon, remember we are together in this love you all

  • Anonymous-11

    oh my god, i can't believe it. i have suffered from these SAME sypthoms for 3 years now, i'm seriously going crazy, my day just goes around this issue, can't control it no matter how hard i try. same thing, never mind if its a male, female, young, old, attractive, non attractive... god knows i DONT want to, and there i find myself again and again in the same frustrating situation, rapid eye movement catching boobs and genitals. i can tell people notice it, thats for sure. i'm trying a lot of meditation and respiration exercises but it just goes on, some days stronger than others.

    its a HUGE relief already to have found u guys and this web page, i really thought it was just me, since the exact moment in time this issue started in my life i was really high on drugs, therefore seems even harder to let go of it. still i continue with my problem.

    i deffinetely agree on this issues being part of the cause:

    .ANXIETY .FEAR .worry about what others may think of me

    i know even before this started i would always think that i didnt want people to think i was something i am not (ie. gay, pervert, etc), so it seems i would actually end up doing it, betraying my own self.

    good luck to us all, god bless, u are not alone. dont f***** give up, we deserve to enjoy life.

  • Anonymous-12

    So where are we now....whats the resolution? Any conclusion to what the cure is ?

  • Anonymous-13

    I have the same problems as those who posted and am not sure what to do, so far I've tried different things I've read on eye contact but nothing seems to really work since it's doesn't target this exact issue. I've tried to narrow down the triggers of this to see if others have any similarities. I think this started for me a few years back when I was looking at friends computer and they had a picture of themselves naked (which I didn't want to see and closed it) make me wonder why they had it so I asked. They said to send to some girl. After that I never really felt comfortable around that person, just from seeing them naked, kept popping in my head. Things got worse with other people mainly from subconciously thinking about where I needed to always be looking or not looking which actually made me look more. Like others said it didn't matter who, old, young male female attractive or not. Being short made it even harder since I thought just look straight which wasn't the same straight for others, then I thought look down which was even worse, looking up just made me wander off in side thoughts and looking into others eyes for too long felt awkward as if I needed to prove something and they felt the same so it was like a test which made me eventually look away inadvertently where I shouldn't at times. I now struggle to look at people directly for too long thinking they may think I'm staring at them for an unknown reason while I practice looking at people or can't look at them for fear of looking at the wrong place. Someone please help. This can't be just ocd it has to be something more specific with a cure.

  • Anonymous-14

    so, i already posted in this blog and i know things are always much easier to say, or to read, than rather do them, but i really am making some progress (doesn't mean i'm really cured yet, still struggling) and i immediately remembered this page and u guys so here's what has been helping me, and my conclusions and stuff.

    ass this web page says, this is a social phobia, which comes from an ANXIETY disorder. anxiety is all about not letting ourselves be part of this exact moment, of the present, which is all there actually is, and trying to escape to somewhere else, at least into our own thoughts. so considering it anxiety, i started making as much meditation as posible, and most important paying attention to my breathing. breath speed and depth will always show how you actually feel, so despite the situation, keep your breath as slow as possible. the harder it gets, for example a conversation with someone (due to our problem), the more you will want to fly away. this is anxiety working, dont let it. instead take all the time in the world. relax, make yourself stay. breath SLOWLY, deep, let the air leave your body the same way. as you do, stare into the persons eyes. if you cant, lightly unfocuss your view and keep it pointing somewhere near the eyes. every now and then focus in the eyes, and keep it like that. don't let yourself hurry, for anything. i know its really hard having a job or responsabilities, but truth is that getting anxious doesn't get things done quicker, but actually slower or more confusing, stressing, etc. so pay attention to EVERYTHING you do, and CONCENTRATE at the continuous present. this means, if u find yourself wondering about how bad it will be next time u see someone and not be able to keep eye contact, stop. now look around, see what you are doing, listen to whats going on around, pay attention to all your senses. thats what being here and now means, being here and now. not wondering in our heads about stuff, whatever it is. the slower you go, the slower you breath, the easier to pay attention to what is really going on, and not letting yourself fall into this f****** ILUSION that's driving all of us crazy. remember you're life will end one day, and u DONT know when that will be. let this be the main force to guide your day, you may not have a chance tomorrow to do what you like, the things u wanted to do. so think deep: what do you like doing? if you were to die in 10 minutes, what would you REALLY do? think think, i'm sure there are a lot of things u would like to do. DO THEM, NOW.

    it's not that theres good or bad, but for sure we dont like suffering, cause it sucks. so have in mind that love is what you really want to receive from others. having this in mind, and knowing we are all part of the same conscious, being, god, or whatever you choose to believe in, know that loving others is actually loving yourself, giving will end up in receiving. give love, to as many persons as u can, or come into your life. whatever , buy candies and give them up , have a nice attention to someone, find a way to let them know that you care about them, give yourself a chance to give what you would like to receive, despite your problem, this doesn't change, your true being remains the same.

    most important of alla is INTENTION. every day take 5 minutes to let yourself and the universe know what you acually want. what you want more than all is to get cured. if you don't say it, you don't have direction. do it, every day. pray to god, tell yourself "i want to get cured, with all my heart, i want to get cured from this problem, i want to remove for ever the cause thats producing this suffering, i want to enjoy life, be happy, give and receive love", and whatever u can think of.

    so its REALLY hard, very hard, but it is NOT impossible, nothing is. go on, dont get frustrated when you see nothing is changing. insist every day. life is full of variables, but your intention has to remain CONSTANT. you WILL achieve what u want, whatever it is.

    don't f****** give up. i'll post more things when i come up with something new.

    I LOVE YOU ALL.

  • Anonymous-14

    knowing that i can't pay attention to what people say due to my extreme effort on looking at their eyes , i googled for improving concentration and found this exercise. along with all the other things listed below, it really helps. this problem has much to do with anxiety, self confidence, and the lack of ability to concentrate on whats really going on, instead of the ilusion that keeps rolling in our head. try it constance here is an important issue. =)

    Drink a glass of room temperature water.

    Now draw a small, yet visible, dot on the wall facing you, and start staring and concentrating on the dot for 60-70 seconds.
    Start taking deep breaths while staring and for a short time after you have finished staring at the dot.. You should now find an increase in your concentration power. Slowly slowly increase total time of concentration to 30 Minutes.

    TIPS

    Do not make a large dot. Increase the exercise duration from time to time. Don't let your eyes move away from the dot

    when getting tired of looking at the dot, try unfocusing a little bit your eyes, still keeping your eye direction towards the dot. focus again on it and go on.

  • ny_downtown

    I have finally explained the problem to my doctor. He suggested that I see a physchiatrist. I have scheduled an appointment with one. I will keep you all posted on how it goes.

  • Anonymous-15

    I have the same problem, but usually with other females which is depressing to me because it makes it difficult to bond with other women.

    Part of it I think is that I'm uncomfortable with intimacy and women tend to be really touchy feely and I'm not. I'm okay usually with women who are more down-to-earth, mother-earthy, who don't care if you look at their body or don't even notice. But women who are a little more neat and fashionable (I don't know how else to write this!) tend to be more weirded out by my discomfort and my eye-wandering. There is a type of woman who initially comes on really strong in the first interaction and it makes me uncomfortable, so I unintentionally look at body parts or anything bright and shiny (necklaces are the worst! low tops that I think "hey that's pretty" but then notice that I can see a lot of boob. lol.) It's really sad, it keeps me from forming friendships and makes me a scapegoat a lot for insecure people at work.

    I've been thinking about this a lot. I find that if I respect my need for distance and privacy, and realize that it's not just me, then I feel better... I have to practice respecting my boundaries and asking for the same from other people.

    I've also been thinking about wearing tinted glasses or glasses with a small smudge on them or a crack or something, so the focus is on me and not on them. Maybe they would look at my glasses or I would be looking through them and looking at the small smudge and not inappropriate things.

  • Anonymous-12

    Keep it up guys...we are making progress...happy to see all such great action to be free from this problem...

    - Mark

  • masi

    Friends ,

    Thanks for all the discussions. After reading all discussions , the common thing i found out is each and every one ( at present experiencing this prob) , they are all good humans with good thoughts and of course me too ,before this prob i always socialize , want to help others , i always put others before me ... , But 2 yrs back i had a tragedy in my life and depressed and started avoiding people, The accumulated worries and anxieties i do carry where ever i go . Even in a party ,you leave me alone i may start thinking about what happened and will not appreciate the current situation.Thing is i am a personality who give more and expect less , but one or two expectations i hold very dear to my heart and one of them got over and i was not able to bear the pain and started reflecting everywhere ( you know ...before they call me a spirit personality ..wherever i go i reflect love and joy) but now there is no joy ...so what to give for the other person,this make me sad and dull and slowly i was seperating myself from the society.But now , i cant go to the past and bring what i lost or gone from me . But i can accept what happend and then according prepare my heart to live at the present 1. First thing you may have to practise is to let go your anxiety. (there are people with us and also with other deadly disorders , we are not alone.This is what wealth and health provided to us at this moment so we need to start living for this moment slowly.)

    2.Let go your anxiety , and practise to be positive all the time ...there will be somuch of negative conversation inside your head . deal with it or command it to go out of you and tell the mind(tape) that... you are(spirit) the master. Like this you practise your tape inside your head .

    3.when communicating with other people treat them as yourself ( as they were you) with empathy , if there is any fear or N.conversation inside your head , say i dont care .

    4.See for an opportunity and help people around .

    I just read a pdf , tat was useful to me ....i am giving the link http://www.howtobehappy.org/ download the happy e-book.

    These are few methods i am practising , Please let me know if you have found other ways ...... my email youcan_master80@yahoo.com

  • Anonymous-12

    In below message from youcan_master80@yahoo.com, he mentioned that is a personality who give more and expect less...and the exact same is TRUE for me too...so I am posting to this to find a missing clue if the other folks are also like this in this forum...and if this problem affects more to such kind of personality people...

    So how many here are "give more expect less" types...

    --Mark

  • Saketh

    Hello Everybody

    First of all I am happy to inform you all that I have started a google group where we can discuss and overcome our problems you can access it at

    http://groups.google.com/group/cant-look-into-other-peoples-eyes

    I have had this problem for more than 3 years.I have ruined all my relations with friends,family and relatives and most men think I am gay while the women think I am horny.

    My self esteem has hit rock bottom and it is affecting how I work.I am under immense stress and have lost many oppurtunities because of this wierd disorder.

    But I am sure I will somehow be able to combat it .

    The key lies in realizing that fear attracts the object of fear . In this particular case we are all afraid we will be caught staring at a crotch or breast and hence try to hard not to look there and end up looking right at that place.

    I am going to try until I suceed or die trying..

    Do join this google group that I started for all of us to discuss the solution.

    Can't look at other people in their eyes.

  • Anonymous-16

    come onnnnn, we are on it !!

    keep it up ! go go go !!

    =)

    love-peace-light

  • Hector

    Hello everybody.My name´s Hector. I´m mexican and I´ve been suffering the same ridiculous condition for about 10 years now. I´m 31 and began worrying about my eye contact situation during my last college year. I don´t know where to start. I just remember I used to be totally normal regarding the way I looked at people. I´ve always been somewhat shy, but never to the extent of being really affraid of having to find even a close friend on the street. Today, even if I spot a relative walking towards me in the street, I try to avoid him/her. If I can´t, I start to panic, because I know the inevitable is going to happen: I´ll start looking at their crotches, breasts, or butts they´re gonna go home thinking "what´s wrong with this pervert?" Anyway, I started feeling a little bit uneasy when talking to people. First, I realized I couldn´t stop glancing at peoples "defects". For example, if I encountered someone with a huge pimple on their face, I couldn´t help looking. Anyway, after a while, things got ridiculous. I couldn´t stop looking at peoples noses then it was their ears, then it was their mouths, breasts, etc. Today, I can´t help looking at peoples crotches, and feel just like all of you.

    I feel it´s stealing all my energies and it´s not letting me have a normal life and I´m f***ing sick of it. I haven´t been able to pursuit my carreer because of it. I´m also a frustrated musician because I can´t even have a normal rehearsal with anybody without thinking I´m freaking them out.

    For me its the same as some of you: my "condition" doesn´t have respect for anyone: old or young people men or women pretty or not pretty friends or strangers it even happens with my brothers, my mother and father. Christ! I teach english in elementary school and it happens with children, too. But I know that i´m not a pervert or anything. However, I notice when I make them uncomfortable. And beleive me, theres nothing worse than having a child look at you with that "what are you looking at" expression on their face.

    Anyway, I just discovered this page a few days ago. And I can´t believe how good I felt when I found out I´m not alone. I feel like I already love you guys. It´s funny, but for the few last days, after I read all your posts, I actually think I got like 10% better. I don´t know, I just stopped feeling like a freak and relaxed a little. The day after, I had a really good day. I was able to look at some people in the eyes for a few seconds and not worry about anything. Unfortunatly, its not all gone. But I feel so much better to know you guys exist.

  • ny_downtown

    I saw the pshyc. and I thought the session was useful. He heard what I had to say and asked several questions to evaluate my mental stability I suppose.

    Finally he said,

    1) You need to accept you have a problem.

    2) Your problem is not out of hands.

    3) Doing cardio. will decrease the anxiety levels.

    4) We will think about the medicaiton (which lowers the anxiety levels) later.

    Now that I have vented to a mental health specialist, I certainly do feel better. One thing that I uncovered is, this problem comes with our personality, in the sense, I am obsessed about my work and at times I keep on thinking about at it even during my sleep. This kind of obsession he says, "can be your friend or foe".

    I have another session in couple of weeks. Will keep you all posted.

  • Saketh

    I have searching on the net to find if there are other people suffering from these symptoms.I realized that we alone are not.

    Here are two more individuals tale of suffering

    Breasts make me anxious

    http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/breasts-make-me-anxious-4765/

    and

    Fear of women's breasts

    http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/fear-of-womens-breasts-244/

    Sometimes I wonder if this is a 21st century illness ?

    Now having zeroed in on the problem can any body here suggest a successful remedy ?

    Can we all recover to become our old selves or do we have to live like this for the rest of our lives ?

    In my case this disorder took 2 years to reach the stage it has now I wonder if it is going to take me equally long to recover ?

    Will keep you all posted in case I make progress and please do let me know about the same ?

    Remember

    Fall down nine times get up ten !

  • Saketh

    On page 7 of this discussion topic

    http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/cant-look-people-in-the-eyes-1666/page-7/

    A poster has claimed to have found a solution.

    As such I feel this is something we all can start upon

    I have reposted it below

    _____________________________________________

    READ THIS, THIS IS THE ANSWER!!!!
    Hi everyone!
    I posted on this thread about six months ago when I was suffering terribly and like in the post above I was in "a personal hell". I was in hell for 10 years and I thought I was the only person in the whole world suffering with this. However, after finding out other people had the same problem I new I had to sort myself out. I am now almost free from the pain and when I think about it it now I feel amazing compared with how I did feel.

    Please listen to this next bit very carefully and do exactly as I say as this is how I did it.

    Say to yourself "I am not scared of anything, anybody or what they think of me".

    That's it, I will say it again "I am not scared of anything, anybody or what they think of me". Say it in your head, as soon as you wake, all throughout the day, and say it especially when your about to speak to someone, and when your go to sleep.

    After you have done this for one day look at someone in the eye when you speak to them. If you get that "fear" feeling, (that's what you have, FEAR), say to yourself "I WILL NOT BE SCARED". Repeat this until your so sick of doing that you beat your brain into submission. After a week of doing this I felt better, after a month I found people wanted to be around me more, and now I can say my confidence is flying.

    I do still have the odd funny turn but everyone gets a little nervous sometimes, I don't care who you are, but there is no reason to be scared! You need to rid yourself of the fear! I promise you this will work don't give up, keep repeating the fraze above until it does work. Also choosing one eye does help too. Think about it why should YOU live your life in fear, be brave, be bold and never give up.

    DO THIS, YOU WON'T REGRET IT!

  • Anonymous-17

    I am a 38 year old female with the same problem. Exactly as you describe it. I'm so happy to read someone else has this problem too. I did try so called professional help, to no avail. Oh, that's not too serious, you seem like a functioning person, lets focus on your childhood.... They could not handle it, it's like it embarassed them as it does me too much to discuss it. They felt awkward or something as I do about it. So weird. I didn't have this problem 6 years ago. Although I aways suffered from social anxiety. Shyness was an easy ride compared to this. Is there really no one out there that knows how to deal with this problem. I'm just happy to hea someone else talk about it. Maybe a first chance at healing for me. Cheers fellow with the same issue.. we're not alone after all!!!!

  • Anonymous-18

    People , I give you a Christian counselling , if anybody wants , you may take it and try it .

    First, donot estimate yourself with what you have(worldly things) or what's with you in your present situation. donot compare . Let go away the anxiety . Put your burden on God, for He careth for you .You are a great person because the Living God , the Holy spirit is with you . You are a soul not a mere living being like animals . And your spirit is given by God.He is the master of your spirit .

    He will fill you with peace that passeth all understanding if you really call unto Him

    Donot think too much and be troubled at heart , Just say a word to God ,what you need and simply believe Him .Whatever He does is for your good . You just mind your business .

    Praise God whenever you find time.Be filled with his holy spirit always and praise and glorify God .He will lift you up. Even though you are walking through the deepest darkness or put up in the miry clay He is worthy to pick you up .He says " Fear not for I am with you " For the God who created the heavens and the earth is with us .Amen.

  • Brian

    Hello all, I have done something that I encourage you to try. I think it has helped quite a bit. Record a video of yourself. I have done it on my mac. (an application called 'photobooth'). At first I was scared shitless to see what kind of freak I looked at. But I recorded myself anyway. I put a post it note, down low. I thought of it like breasts. And I recorded myself. The results shocked me. Here's the deal. My eyes did not noticeably move. They really didn't. Even though I kept looking at the post it note, my eyes seemed to be locked. However when I tried to be super obvious with it(looked for a whole second), I could see the look. But truth is, I never stare that long, I have lightning quick glances as I'm sure you do. kind of like my eyes playing ping pong at fast pace. The quick glances are undetectable. I was shocked to find this. I'm sure you will discover the same thing. And stop assuming that people think you're a freak, maybe she crosses her harms when all guys are aound, maybe she put on the sweater because she's cold. Stop persecuting yourselves. I have tried. I think of it less. Don't get me wrong. ITs still bad. But, much better. Because I keep thinking back to the video of myself. I'm not the freak I thought I was. I'm also taking annafrinil. Up to 8 pills a day (prescribed). It cuts the anxiety down after encounters. Not so much during. that's my honest update. I'll come back in a month and give another update.

  • 28 year old female

    I can't believe there are other people out there with the same problem as mine. I think I have had this problem for about 10 years. It is so good to know there are others out there with the same problem and that I am not alone.

    I have completely started to avoid all eye contact with women and men. It started with a fear of looking at women, but now I am struggling looking at men. I know people have noticed this because when I look at women that keep pulling there tops up and trying to cover there boobs. Also men now keep checking there belt buckle. I feel as if i make people feel extremely uncomfortable and that I am pushing people away, when really I am wanting to make good friendships. The only person that I feel I can look at correctly is my husband. I think this is because I trust and love him so much and that I have been able to talk to him opening about my problem. He really wants me to find some sort of help. He has tried to convince me that I do not look at people incorrectly. I do not believe him.

    I am at my witts end and feel very lonely because I am too scared to have people over for dinner or socialize with them. I do not know forsure why I have this problem. However I do remember being exposed to viewing pornography in my early teens. Maybe this is why?

  • Anonymous-19

    i have this problem and i have felt like killing myself more and more. its terrible and i can see how uncomfortable it make other people. i thought i was gay or something and most people think i am. as a women is makes it worse to be looking other womens breast . it doesnt matter the age of gender cause i am constantly looking at private part. its disgusting and i hate myself. i just found a therapist but i havent told him yet. i have no idea how to even bring up the topic . i really thought i was alone with this thing and it kinda helps knowing i am not alone. it helps but it kinda doesnt help at the same time. i want a normal life and relationship but its so hard. i feel like a freak all the time. i hate talking to people or going out . i try not to look at people when i go to the market . i dont know what to do anymore. i dont even know what to call this thing. i feel like a freak and i know i am a good person but i feel so ugly and nasty. i just cant believe my life has turned out like this. i just hate it. i will have to have enough courage to tell my new therapist how i feel and hopes he can help me. thanks for taking the time to read this .

  • Anonymous-20

    I saw a Hypnotherapist. Here is an exercise given to me that I find really useful. When you look at a person and find you are unable to maintain eye contact, visualise a big red Stop Sign on the face of that person as soon as you feel your eyes moving away. Keep looking at the person's face, but instead see in your minds eye the red Stop Sign. Then start to create in your mind what you want to happen, rather than looking away. I have some phrases that I bring to mind immediately - like "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", or "I can do this", or "I refuse to let this spoil my life", or "I will not be afraid", etc. Find something that you can bring to mind that works for you after you get the Stop Sign happening. Good luck everyone.

  • Anonymous-21

    These past couple of years I have a problem with eye contact. I want to feel normal. I want to be social, look people in the eyes , and not have this fear. When I think back I realize that maybe I did always have this problem but it is getting worse. To the point where this fear effects my everyday life. Stopping me from enjoying everyday activities. When I was in high school, 9th grade, I had a teacher ask me why I did not look people in the eyes. I thought it was just because I was attracted to him. After that I looked him in the eye with no problem and this problem didnt accur again until college, Where I can not look any of my teachers in the eye. Sometimes I look people in the eyes, I have a few close friends that I don't fear looking in their eyes. This anxiety or whatever it may be has become so bad that I cannot look my family in the eye. It depresses me and feel like I am isolating poeple from me because I am akward. Sometimes it gets so bad that i think it is to hard to live, but then other days I feel better but would love to find a cure. I am trying to hang out with friends more from church and currently I have joined an honors club at my school. I am trying to force myself to be more social so that maybe the fear will ware off by getting better at socializing. Please If anyone has information or needs to talk e-mail at hubbarda@live.com or ahubbard11@ivytech.edu.

  • Anonymous-22

    I too suffer this anxiety. Alot of you have described it, just like it happends to me. I have some good days, usually when I am very pre-occupied and have no time to think about this. Thanks for the possible solutions. I will try vitamins, excercise, meditation and the "I will have no fear phrases".

  • Anonymous-23

    Hi everybody,

    I am actually the original poster of this problem. I had lost the link when I first posted my problem.

    First, a big thank you to Dr Dombeck for his advice.

    Unfortunately, after all these years, my condition has not changed. I am actually stunned that there are other people out there with this problem. I am amazed that some women also suffer from this condition.

    In the last few years, I had CBT with two different psychologists but I did not make any progress and gave up. My main problem is really with people I know like friends/family. I have no problem with people (e.g., shop assistants/strangers) and so on because I know it will be a short interaction. The problem becomes a lot more acute when person is a very important/sensitive person to me (e.g., my sister-in-law, my brother or my boss). The less important a person is (to me), the less it is a problem. My life has not changed much and I still work and so on but I find it difficult to get close to people and make good/close friendship.

    Thank you everyone for your suggestions. Personally, I think the cure is to somehow not care about/think about the problem at all and just get on with it as normal but I've found it absolutely impossible to ignore my thoughts when I am incontact with people.

    Can everyone please continue discussing the problem. If you have any suggestions, please let us all know. My email address is: infinitisto@gmail.com if you would like to contact me.

  • Saketh Rajan

    hello

    I am saketh and have posted before on this topic..

    I have also started a google group about it at

    http://groups.google.com/group/cant-look-into-other-peoples-eyes

    You can also contact me at sakethrajan@gmail.com .. and I usually reply after a long duration...

    Coming to my story..

    I am 26 years old male and single.. This particular problem looking at crotches and breasts started I think 3-4 years ago.It has remained somewhat constant except that anxiety levels have sometimes increased and decreased.

    Before this I was quite the popular guy of the class,jovial mixing freely etc etc but now

    I am just a shadow of my past self...

    Now 4 years is a long time ago and I am not sure which particular incident was the trigger but it was a couple of them..One such incident was when some of my close relatives -i.e young women... were wearing a couple of tight T-shirts and I mistakenly glanced at their breasts and they caught me stealing a glance.This happened totally unconsciously and I was terribly embarrassed as our relationship was more that of brother/sister and somehow the anxiety that I felt that day just did not seem to subsidize as in previous occasions..

    I also feel that in the days before this incident I had orgasmed multiple times in short time period and I believe this too might have some how affected the chemical balance in my brain which aggravated the situation in some manner and contributed to this fixation..

    So after the first incident the next couple of days whenever I met these close relatives of mine

    I would try to avoid looking at their eyes,breasts and fail and it got worse until it has now reached a point where I can't but help glance at even my mothers,sisters breast...

    Soon before you knew it had spread and soon I was staring at men's crotches...

    As of now all my social relations are in tatters my parents think I should get married because they feel I am behaving like this because because I am sexually frustrated.. :)

    They haven't told this straight in my face but that's what I have inferred . my sister thinks I am some pervert... and most other women don't talk anymore after the first brief conversation.. same with men too..

    I also feel that this situation is a result of some unresolved sexual conflict deep in the unconscious part of my mind though I have not been able to pin point so far...

    I have also watched porn since the age of 19 and some how I feel this too could be linked to this.I have since tried to cut down porn usage and succeeded partially.

    I have a lot to decipher about myself and who I really am and the journey has only started in my case...

    At many times I almost feel as if there is somebody in my head telling me Look ! ..look at

    those breasts and crotches.. and derives some great satisfaction by embarrassing us.

    It's a classic case of fear attracting the object of fear.. the more afraid you are the more

    you look at it..

    But one thing I must say every cloud has a silver lining... and there are some things I have learnt from this disorder..

    1.Human Relationships are so fickle - You might know a guy/girl for years and all it takes is one look at the wrong place at the wrong time and all these years of friendship just ends... just like that...

    (A lot of my school/college friends think I am gay and women think I am a pervert - Infact on one or two occasions homosexual men have actually reciprocated thinking I am making a pass at them by looking at their crotch ! )

    2.While I have been always been fascinated by how the mind works this disorder partially pushed me to enroll in a part time Masters course in Psychology eventhough I have a business education background... and I am currently in my second year and intend to pursue further research after this course...

    It's been a wonderful journey of self discovery learning theories of personalities and reading the works of freud,jung,watson,rogers,berne and others all of which I might have never read had it not been for this disorder...

    3.Well I never had any mental problems until now but when I started discussing it on some forums the response that I recieved from other members was mostly

    " how I wished I sufferd from a trivial disorder such as this"..

    Some of them claimed that they looked at breasts all the time shamelessly but did not feel any anxiety and actually enjoyed it.

    From what I have seen and read on the web I will agree that what we are suffering from is comparatively mild even though we are personally suffering greatly it is nowhere as bad as stuff some people have gone through like child abuse, failed suicide attempts,schizophrenia etc etc etc,...

    Hence I am glad I am suffering only from this and that things could have been worse off..

    For this I am thankful..

    And I am glad that we are not alone and there could be many more whomight need help...

    Together we should be able overcome this...

    I am also reminded of a great quote by an american psychiatrist which

    I am reproducing below...

    “The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” - M Scott Peck (American Psychiatrist)

    I don't know if you people would agree but in my case this has been true..

    It has been a life changing experience and has propelled my life into a different direction...

    For good,for bad-- this is our gift,this is our curse...

    And never forget that in our life we will be continually faced by great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.

    All the best and stay in touch

    Saketh Rajan

    http://groups.google.com/group/cant-look-into-other-peoples-eyes

  • Anonymous-24

    I've had this problem for 7 years now. Finally figured out what the problem is.

    We have OCD, it is life cripplinmg and painful, it ruins your life and relationships. I want everyone to find help.

    The rest of this message is cut and pasted from this site:

    http://www.crufad.com/index.php/compulsions

    Sexual outrage and associated rituals

    Sexual obsessions in OCD are unwanted thoughts, images or impulses which make you anxious or distressed every time they come into your mind. The are completely inconsistent with a person's true values and desires, and as a result they are often associated with high levels of shame and embarrassment in addition to anxiety or fear. Common examples include thoughts of molesting children, unwanted homosexual images, and impulses to inappropriately touch or stare at breasts or genital areas. Most people with this type of OCD respond to their thoughts by reminding themselves that they would never do such a thing, and by trying to avoid situations where the thoughts are likely to occur.

    How common is OCD?

    OCD can occur in both adults and children, with most people developing their first symptoms before the age of thirty. Boys usually show their first symptoms at a younger age than girls, so OCD is twice as common in boy children than girls. In adults the number of men and women with OCD is equal. Since mild obsessional symptoms are common in the general population, you don't get a diagnosis of OCD unless your obsessions and compulsions interfere with your life or stop you from doing some of the things you want to do. Population surveys have shown that approximately one in two hundred adult person with OCD each year. Once you have OCD it is rare for it to go away without proper treatment, so if the symptoms described above sound familiar you should seek help from a professional who is familiar with the treatment of OCD.

    What treatments have proven benefits?

    Two treatments have been proven to help people with OCD. One is Behaviour Therapy and the other is medication with one of the serotonin selective re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs).

    What is behaviour therapy?

    Behaviour therapy for OCD consists of graded exposure and response prevention. This means learning to confront your fears without washing, checking, reassuring yourself, or doing any other compulsions that temporarily take away your fear and make you feel better. The first step involves recognising the link between obsessions, compulsions and anxiety. Most people feel anxious, scared or uncomfortable whenever they have an obsessional thought, and reassured or relieved after they perform their compulsion (even if they also feel frustrated because they're tired of performing compulsions). Human beings don't like to feel anxious, scared, or uncomfortable, and so when something is making you anxious it makes sense to try and do something to take that feeling away. In this context it is easy to see why you wash your hands if you doubt they are dirty, or why you keep checking the stove if you doubt it might be on. But when you have OCD these behaviours help to keep your fears alive, because the doubts always come back again, bringing more anxiety, and so you have to keep repeating your compulsions in order to get any relief. A good general rule is that when you have OCD the doubts gets stronger the more you give in to them, and weaker the more you resist them.

    The next step is to understand what happens when you resist your compulsions. Most people have tried to resist their compulsions at some stage, but they usually try to resist too many compulsions all at once, or a compulsion which is too strong to start with, and so they feel overwhelmed very quickly and end up giving in. However, when you continue to resist a compulsion over a period of hours, you will notice that the strong anxiety you have at the start does not last, nor does the strong urge you have at first to give in to your compulsion. If you are truly confronting your fear, then these feelings will gradually weaken and fade away. After two or three hours you might still feel a little uncomfortable, but you will be nowhere near as anxious as you were immediately after you resisted the compulsion.
    For instance, if you are afraid of contamination and you decide to confront your fears by touching money or doorhandles without washing your hands, you will initially feel anxious and have a strong urge to wash. But after a while it will get easier and your anxiety will fade. Then next time you touch the same thing and you resist washing your hands it will not be so scary, and the time after that it will be easier still. Repeating exposure tasks in this way is very important because doing something once will not get you better. You have to do it over and over again until there is no more anxiety associated with that activity.

    Planning Graded Exposure and Response Prevention


    For most people, some compulsions will be easier to resist than others. Below is a list of steps for developing a graded exposure plan that allows you to gradually start confronting your fears in a structured and systematic way. However, exposure can be scary and difficult to do on your own, so if you need help don't hesitate to seek advice from a professional Clinical Psychologist or Psychiatrist who is experienced in the use of behaviour therapy for OCD.

    1. Make a list of situations where your symptoms occur. (e.g. when leaving the house, or after touching an item you think is "dirty").
    2. Next list all the thoughts, images or impulses which come in to your mind in each situation (obsessions) (e.g. "the stove might be on", "my hands are dirty").
    3. Write down all the things you do in these situations to avoid danger or to take away the thoughts (compulsions) (e.g. checking the stove, washing your hands).
    4. Finally, list any activities or situations you avoid because of your obsessions.
    5. Go through these lists and rate how anxious you think you would be if you tried to resist each of the compulsions in each different situation. Use a rating scale of 0 to 10, where 10 means you would be extremely anxious, 8 means highly anxious, 5 means moderately anxious, and 3 means mildly anxious.
    6. Choose one thing on the list which you think you could resist with only mild to moderate anxiety. Next time you are in that situation try as hard as you can to resist that compulsion without giving in. Pay attention to how anxious you feel at the start and to the way this anxiety fades over time.
    7. Repeat this same activity, resisting the compulsion, every time you are in that situation (at least once every day). You should notice that with practice it gets easier and easier to resist because your anxiety is fading.
    8. Once you are comfortable with this activity, choose another, slightly harder compulsion and repeat step 7. Continue in this way until you've worked though all compulsions on your list. Be careful that you don't start giving in to new compulsions once you've stopped the old ones.
    Remember that when you have OCD the doubts gets stronger the more you give in to them, and weaker the more you resist them.

    Medication

    Although medication using Serotonin Specific Re-uptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) may be of great benefit to some people, the amount of improvement varies from person to person. Most people who benefit from medication usually find that the obsessions and compulsions are still there but they are less frequent and distressing. In general the SSRIs help people to manage the symptoms of OCD, but they are not a cure, so the symptoms worsen again after a few weeks of stopping drug therapy. On average medication is not as effective as combining medication with behaviour therapy, or doing behaviour therapy on its own.

    Examples of medications that have been proven to help with OCD include Fluoxetine (also called Prozac or Lovan), Sertraline (Zoloft), and Clomipramine (Anafranil). These drugs may be marketed under different names outside of Australia.

    How successful are the standard treatments?

    Treatment studies have consistently shown that about 70% of people with OCD respond very well to Behaviour Therapy and say that their symptoms are greatly improved. The average reduction in severity of symptoms with medication is about 50%.

  • K232

    Thought I was alone in this. I have always had problems with anxiety but this just started happening within the last 6 months and its happening alot! Im a 23 year old female. I am ashamed because I can tell that people notice... women cover their boobs, pull up their shirts, and similar with men. It the hardest when it happens around people that I am close to.. like my friends and family members and even the adolescent girls that I work with which is terrible. It does not turn me on at all and Im not thinking about anything sexual, it is purely out of anxiety and not being able to maintain eye contact. Don't know how to stop this and its killing me. I cant imagine what would happen if someone were to confront me. I would be devestated. Im afraid someone I dont know is going to become offended and want to start a fight.

  • Steve

    I was truly amazed when I stumbled upon this thread..I though it was just me who had this horrible problem!

    I've found it very difficult to cope with this issue, and have beaten myself up over it for years.

    It has got so bad that it has practically put my life on hold for about five years.

    I avoid social situation because I'm scared people will think I'm weird. I've had that feeling many times and it's not nice.

    I have been practising what one of the posters said below by saying to myself "I am not scared of anything, anybody or what they think of me" and it seems to be helping a little.

    I've been saying it with the use of EFT (check it out on Google, really easy tapping therapy).

    I've also started meditating for 10 mins a day too, and I think this is helping me to keep a clearer mind when speaking to people.

    Good Luck and big Love to everyone coping with this issue. Perhaps take some consolation your not alone anymore.

    Steve.

  • Anonymous-25

    Hello to all.. unbelievable.. i too have this thing. it cripples my life in the same way. I have had it about 14 years in varying degrees. It actually started before that where by i had problems looking people in the eye and i always seemed to squint and so did they.. and then boom out of the blue a guy i know showed open communication to me and i got anxious about it. it has snowballed since then and no body is spared. I now have a baby and so i am desparately looking for help. i did see a pyscologist years ago but they thought i had scizophenria!! she also thought it was an issue of trust - so i have since put my trust in people with my thoughts and feelings but to no avail. i have also done self esteem workshops and that didnt seem to work.. where to from here hey..

  • suresh malviya

    I have same problem

  • Saketh Rajan

    Came across this useful resource about people who are suffering similar problems of maintaining eye contact and looking at genitals etc

    Take a look below

    http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=11290&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

  • Ryan

    Hey everyone Iv had this disorder ever since i was 13 im now 18 and this problem is still their but doesn't effect me so much anymore i now hang with all my friends and rarely look in akward places thigh region, chest/ w.ever iv had 4 girl friends since having this disorder and hang with my friends almost everyday. Don't let it stop you from doing what you want to do just go for it you ll be suprised how much it wont hold you back just try doing eye contact for short periods of time starting out and work from there and dont get discouraged on days that it feels like your back tracking just keep trying it will get way better as long as you force yourself out of your comfert zone that zone will keep expanding. anyone wanna chat email me ryanprokopetz@hotmail.com good luck guys

  • Rosa

    to all of you for being brave enough to post - especially the starter of thread.

    I really wish we had:-

    a) A recognised name for this affliction

    b) A solid, specific treatment/therapy

    c) At least physiological reasons WHY our eyes choose to react this way - an understanding of what is going on might help finding b).

    Whilst I wholly appreciate Dr. Dombeck's response in acknowledging the problem, it is far too generalised and deosn't address the issue. The conditions he mentions have so many different symptoms - though what we suffer may come from a social phobia or anxiety, we have a particularly unique response in those circumstances... I'm happy to say that thanks to this webpage I am not so unique!

    Below I detail a little of my own history and observations in an effort to find some answers - if any of the below is also true for you and we can find a common thread, please post and hopefully we can start living our lives again.

    I am a 34yr old female (straight) and have suffered this for 12yrs - it comes and goes without warning, but since it started it has ranged from constant to mild/non existent on a daily basis.

    The trigger was a nervous breakdown where I felt I had lost all the important elements of my life and lost control of what had been taken away... I cried non stop for weeks and couldn't face people or social interaction at all.

    * No-one is immune - happens with my mother, sister, GP, shop assistants, teenagers I work with, my best friend etc. - It is not a question of sexual orientation.

    * If we could control it (and say for example, just look at the bridge of someone's nose) we would.

    * SSRI anti depressants did not help me (wouldn't want to rule out for anyone else though)

    * It IS noticeable by the person being looked at.

    When it first started happening I did consider it was some kind of Freudian instinctive reaction - the breast being a thing as babies we associate with comfort, reassurance, safety. Thanks to this site, I learn that the condition is not limited to breasts.

    My next thought was that in some way I feel threatened by another woman's femininity/sexuality/sexual presence - on days when things aren't too bad I still feel uncomfortable around stereotypically attractive women who are dressed provocatively, I feel they are pushing their looks in my face and that I can't compete and am an ugly nobody... but, it also happens with women who aren't 'attractive' in that way.

    * Yes in general I do have anxiety about social interaction - even with family and close friends.

    * The times when it happens I am feeling what I can best describe at spiritually empty - the opposite of being full of oneself. I feel scared of the social situation, anxious - that I have little or nothing to offer, or that I wont be accepted.

    * I feel more comfortable in a one to one rather than a group - talking about things of importance/depth/relevance. I can no longer deal with a group of tarted up, giggling girls going out on a saturday night talking about superficial trivialities (this is not judgemental - I wish I could - I used to and enjoyed the companionship and fun soo much)...I just find that once engaged in a conversation one to one, I feel accepted, worry less, have a sense of myself and the eye movement settles.

    * First thing in the morning is a bad time - until I have gee-ed myself up into being awake and feeling I have a presence I can't cope with people - let alone low cut tops.

    * This condition does wear away self-esteem - severely, which in turn does not help the problem. I am mostly a hermit now with a very limited social life - I dread seeing friends both becuase of the problem and independently of it.

    I know that maintaining eye contact is difficult for some people who are shy. Some serious 'library nerds' for want of a better expression are unable to make eye contact, their eyes look unfocussed as they speak. Those with autism are the same, eye contact is not comfortable for them and is distracting to comprehension. Apparently a natural pattern of eye contact on the face goes in a triangle between mostly the eyes and then the mouth, observing facial expression. We all know that when the lips suddenly become the greater focus in this that we're about to be kissed by a loved one. We've probably all watched guys as an attractive woman walks past and they unconciously look them up and down. It all make sense, but what does the triangle of eyes-breasts/crotch mean? Why does it happen?

    Coping strategies:-

    * The blacked out/dark sunglasses seems like a cunning plan where appropriate to mask eye movement.

    * If self esteem is a common thread for all of us - things that have been suggested below should help - the mantra of not being scared, meditation and CBT.

    I can only comment on the latter, which was helpful during the course of treatment, but afterwards suffered serious lapse in all my symptoms - again though, I don't want to dicourage anyone from going down this route.

  • Anonymous-26

    -how about hypnoses anyone tried it for therapy?

    -since common in most cases looking at private parts Freud must have mentioned something related to this in his work.

    -how about practicing eye contact with someone you love or trust ?with wife girlfriend boyfriend etc or family member

    -common from what i have read from above posts it boils down to feeling of guilt and we need to understand the whole issue of this guilt with yourselves i think no one can help you as you are the only one who can put all the facts together and come out with conclusions and

    answers.

    - i think common to most cases is the fact that it is feeling guilty about something done in the past and such thing maybe minor issue yet one cant get over it

    so again we need to understand why the guilty feeling

    and guilty to whom?

    we need to post more solutions or ideas about solutions

  • Steve

    Well, I've been taking St John's Wort for a month or so, and have noticed a positive effect upon the intensity of my reactions to this problem.

    This herb is used as a treatment for mild depression and can help with OCD (check it on google). It's a powerful herb, so use with caution.

    I've combined this with EFT using the phrase 'think, don't feel' and seem to feel more in control than I have in a long time.

    To Rosa..I thought your insights were very helpful. Thanks!

  • E.S.

    Hi all,

    I've suffered from the same problem this year following a series of panic attacks in response to intrusive thoughts, though I have had occasional relief from it in the past few months. I make a deliberate effort to look people in the eye, but notice they often play with their clothes in a nervous manner, which makes me wonder if I have actually succeeded in maintaining eye contact. This is horrible as I second guess all my interactions and panic often.

    I also look away when someone passes me at work, on the train, etc, even if I'm in a conversation with someone else, as I am now constantly concerned that everyone, regardless of age or gender, thinks that I am checking them out (especially other women - so humiliating). I am in a relationship with a lovely man and am sure I am not gay, but this is causing me major problems. I want to avoid public places and all social situations, especially if they are work-related. Like some of you, I used to have a good reputation but am now widely ridiculed.

    I did, however, read something useful - it is important to recognise that our thoughts are not reality and may not reflect reality, but that our thoughts can harm us as much as reality if we emotionally engage our fears. We can defuse ourselves from our thoughts by viewing our thoughts from an observer's perspective and trying to be mindful of the present moment and the needs of the other people. Recalling the past will not change it and we should not allow past embarrassment to ruin present interactions.

    We also have to rely on God for help and try to remember our verses and mantras during our interactions. I loved the "I am not afraid of anyone or anything" post and am trying to use it.

    I also find I function better with sleep, vitamins and exercise.

    Thank you all for being brave enough to post - it is a relief to know that I am not alone.

  • DESPERATE

    I have the same problem, let’s find the thing which is Common in all of us, so that we can reach to the root of this problem, let’s try to cope it together
    1. Computer Programmer
    2. Low Self-Esteem
    3. believes in paranormal thing
    4. easily hurt
    5. nervous in crowd
    6. Lazy
    7. always suspicious about everything
    8. Tried contact lense earlier (now wearing spectacles)
    9. Sometimes Too much emotional sometimes too rude
    10. When Interacting with people Always try to evaluate what other will speak before he/she speaks, and most the time , he/she speaks what I expect.
    11. Verbal communication is poor

  • Anonymous-27

    im the same as everyone here...and its completly distressing..im female 33 and have this 10 years if not longer. Im disgusted with myself but inspired im not alone ive contaplated suicide but really i just need releif. its horrible to feel like this im gonna try vitamins st john wort as suggested, something gonna give with me so i need to try something imagine being like this its insane!

  • Anonymous-28

    It is nice to know that I am not alone.

    I am a 21 year old female college student.

    For the past 4 months, I have had this issue and it is killing me. I used to be the social butterfly and always hung out with people always had a smile on my face and loved conversing with others. Now I am scared to even be around my friends because I am scared I make them uncomfortable...even my own mom. I can't even describe how this makes me feel.

    I had a job and had conflict with management and this made me insecure with myself and unhappy and caused me a lot of anxiety. I noticed my last week working there that I had this problem. I could not keep eye contact and was looking at women's breast. I know it sounds gross. But its women and men. I am not gay whatsoever I love men. But for some reason when I talk to someone (no matter what gender) or I am in class and my teacher is teaching my eyes cannot stay connected and they go down. I am not checking anyone out I dont know whats wrong with me. I have not been able to hang out with friends and I can tell my mom is uncomfortable around me and I just had a job interview yesterday and of course, it was a woman interviewing me and I couldnt keep eye contact. I hate this and I wish it would go away. It makes me hate myself.

    I am scared that this will determine my future and that scares me so much. I want to have a great job, great friends, and to open a business with my family. I feel like this will keep me back. And that hurts so much. I wish I knew how to get better. This breaks my heart and shatters all my dreams.

  • Matthew

    I am 34 and remember getting this problem when I was 14. The first memory is feeling like I couldn't help, and was caught, noticing at a male teacher's crotch area. I am gay, so being just into puberty, I assumed that was why. Then as I matured I realized that I had that same problem with Woman's breasts- 10 times worse than crotch glimpses. I thought for many years that maybe I had some sexuality issues to resolve and maybe I was actually straight and just confused. After 20 years of torture in social situations and deep analysis I have realized that this condition not only creates, but feeds off of anxiety. It is a positive feedback loop. At its worse I fear trying to make any eye contact because I may immediately deflect a gaze, move focus to genital areas, then quickly look away. How could somebody not notice that? especially over and over again. I used to hope people though I just had some lazy eye or googly disorder. I haven't overcome it. It has kept me from my family, career advancement and a close relationship. Not because people have rejected me, but because I am afraid of battling a daily personal hell and also being framed as a crazy freak. I would love to live my life without this shame, sometimes I do think of suicide. It was nice to see this online though, It did help to see that I likely have a condition that many others seem to share.

  • Advice

    peace be unto you all i was also suffering from this problem but got mashalalah cured from it then it came again then again iwas by allahs will cured from it . It has happened to be again for a third time and i will cure myself again inshallah. I have also suffered from psychoprhnia and a pyschatrist said i had pyschosis . This occurs i beleive and Allah o alam when a jinn posses a human. A jinn is a creature created by Allah (God) but it lives in another dimnision.i cured myself bby reciting the Quran for a long period of time apporx for one or two months about 7-14 hours a day by Allahs grave and mercy. My advise would be for one to go to a raqi or an islamic healer or excorsist one who heals by the recitation of the Quran (a healer that followers the way of the salaf would be best i beleive and follows the sunnat of the holy prophet (pbuh)). If you do this you problem will INshallah be solved you must also have faith in Allah this is how i solved the problem myself mashallah. It reoccured when i lost my temper but i will inshallah get rid of it again as it did before. My advice may seem a little strange to one but it would do you well to heed it

    assalamolikium

  • Steve

    ..but I'll look elsewhere for a solution.

  • hari

    hello,

    I had this problem when i was 23yrs and it continued till i was 31.now i am 37 but i succeded in removing it from my eye+mind.I suffered a lot because of this being a marketing person i had to visit clients .I couls just visit them once because they were afraid of me as i would look at their private areas.I was afraid to visit females too as i would unknowingly look at their chest ,side of shoulders etc.i even thought of suicide.When i get back home ,i again suffered more as i even could not talk to my mother ,sister.when ever they ask me something ,i would look somewhere and answer.My sister afterwords did not like to visit our house with her daudhter who was just 10yrs.I only know thati am a gentleman ,but they thing i am deliberately doing this.I aslo suffered when visiting functions.....at last I sat alone and cried for help believe me some kind of electric energy moved from my spine end towards my chest and then to head.Tjhe nest day again i sat in a comfortable position and closed my eyes for getting the same effect ,i found it rising again i closed my eyes and concentrared on my breating ,might be i sat for around 40 minutes i really dont remember the time as i was in a different state.Ifely as my head started floting .i dont know i was in a superconscious state. then daily i practised .....now i can just concentrate on their eyes clearly with out any deviation....just look into their eyes eyes alone .My advise is dont fear ..be cool in the begining might be they notice let them notice dont fear and talk to them as usual, try to listen what they say ,picterise the words ur mind just calculates.second thing ,Do meditation and go for a run in the morning .i promise u will be free from this.i want to help every one from this

    with love hari

  • Steve

    I bought some Inositol the other week and have been taking half a teaspoon three or four times a day all I can say is that for me, the relief has been immense.

    I still get these troubling thoughts, but they quickly fade and I don't seem to dwell on them as much.

    Do a google for Inositiol and see what comes up.

  • raj

    i am suffering a lot cant look people in their eyes but automatically eye goes to breasts or open areas or penis areas .i am a male and i think i cannot remove this disease.i am thinking of comitting suicide.pls help any body

    raj (india)

  • rahul

    Thank god i saw this sight, i am also suffering from this disorder same sa all will said, i am 24 yr old i m suffering this from last 2 yrs,i thnkd that i only suffering this problem in this whole world, when i saw this sight i am very happy that to i am not only having this dis disorder.my story exactly similar to the Saketh he said earlier.Now a days what i thinked i wish to 2012 world collapse will happen really, its completely ruined my life, i am a very good social n good athletic in all sports,due to this i am loosing from this,if anyone get cured then plzzz inform in this sight n also my mail id.i cant properly conversation with peoples,how to overcome this? If i'l get cured i'l inform everybody,my Email id manju_4u1ly@rediffmail.com if u want chat then contact me on this mail..

    Thanx and good luck to everybody....

  • Anonymous-29

    My story is similar to a lot of people on this forum. I am glad to land myself on this site and share my experience and problems.

    Little Background

    I had a very content life until early 2010, I was blessed with everything that a guy desires. I have been a very confident person until a series of unfortunate events happened a few months ago.

    First, I was pulled over for DUI, the officer charged me with 7 different kinds of traffic violations. He verbally abused me and harassed me, I don’t want to get into details of what he did or said, cause I want to forget about what happened that night. But would like to mention that I was driving a $120, 000 car and I am not white. But, I kept my mouth shut and went to jail that night and took the abuse and decided to take this to court and fight.

    The officer’s comments haunted me for weeks, my work was suffering and I decided to quite my work and move to another state.

    While I was preparing to leave the state and to start out fresh, I was mugged and severally beaten at a gun point. This happened within 3 weeks of my DUI incident. I couldn’t sleep for days, I moved out of my home to the hotel and kept a knife near me all time. It always felt like someone is following me. I cannot emphasize more on the severity of the pain I was going through.

    So...I left my work, left everything there and moved to another state. Now, after several months, I am seeing a lot of changes in my personality. All of my issues are discussed in this forum. Once confident, now I can't even look at people when talk. People around me are uncomfortable talking to me, I can tell. I feel helpless, can't have a decent conversation. I try to stay away from all the things that I use to do. Feel lazy, eating more, gained weight, 95% of the time feel anxious, paranoid, whatever I do I feel like I am breaking the law, when see a police car, I feel insecure. When see strangers around me, feel scared and intimidated. I don't care if I die today.

    Current Situation

    All of my DUI charges were dismissed. I try not to think about my mugging incident. But, I am not happy with myself. I use to be a guy that was called a social butterfly, people of all ages use to love my company. But, now it’s all gone. It's affecting my work, my relationship to family and friends. I am always super concisions while conversing with people and it comes out as staring and people become uncomfortable. I don’t look at their private areas, just can’t keep a normal eye contact.

    I am losing everything I had. Now, I live with my parents. I don’t know when this eye contact issue started but it’s quiet recent. I gave up everything, I wanted to get myself together first and I thought all can be achieved again if you regain your mental health. But it’s getting worse. Especially my confidence level and eye contact. PLEASE HELP!!! I want myself back, I am 35 years old and starting out fresh.

  • Anonymous-30

    Hi everyone. i also suffer this problem on levels of extreme where no one is safe from my stranger danger presence.

    i believe alot people here may relate to me that have had a glimpse of true innerself, if u pass this off as crap please just read it and judge it anyway u like, i know those who dont will share a connection with this that as a group working together willingly and openly to all sugesstions without negativity we can all help each other to not only get over this but bring to our lives more peace and happyness than we can imagine. we have all put ourselfs into a dark place of suffering by choice we are allowing this into our lives, we are thriving on it by identifing with it as our self in this world with our special little problem no one understands and although we feel like we hate it we live on thur it and it becomes so much of who we identify ourselfes with we arnt seeing life anymore or feeling love and human conection, once you fully understand this its like a big hug from your soul and lets you feel love and hope again, and although my experience made me feel excited i relise its just the begenning of the hardest thing we will ever have to do, we need to stop being lazyminded stop just living with our thoughts and take strict action every second of our life to be in the present moment and forget all our fears and wants and losses etc and just be us. our problem is a blessing to make us wake up to our whole lifes, like i mentioned we gave and allowed ourselfs to have these fears to wake up and get on the right path of learning the true meaning of letting go and not just reading books and thinking we understand. We will know when we are at a true level because this will all be gone. it will be a constant gauge in our lifes to highlight when we have become uncousiness.

    what we are all facing and need to become aware of is our thoughts are all upsidedown and taken way to seriously. And i know how serious we make it to ourselfs lives, there wasnt a moment go by i dont miss the old me with cofidence and a smile that made all my friends want to enjoy life and laugh with me and the feelings i felt to have so many great friends, the last 10 years of my life ive lost everything i loved in life, but ive had glimses to relief from this and from growing ive seen where i was on a awarness level. Im feeling excited yet daunted and frustrated as truly growing dosnt just happen but we can look at this as a gift to ourselfs to really face riding ourselfs of egos and staying awake.

  • Anonymous-31

    I started on Effexor due to paxil not working at the high dose. The doctor started me on this I have been researching various medicines for ocd, social phobia, anxiety and so forth. Anafranil is the strongest medicine for ocd which is what I think we have, but it has so many side effects that some people stop taking it or switch to something else. Effexor has been studied to be as good for ocd as Anafranil without so many of the side effects.

    I have been on this med for about two weeks at 225 mg a day, and wow, I am so impressed with this medicine. I am making more eye contact the compulsion to stare is almost completely gone. I still have that "fear" due to so many years of this, but guess what that is starting to go away too. I am also so much more happier, relaxed, composed and most of all gaining confidence. But the full effects of the medicine especially for ocd don't really kick in for 12 weeks.

    Look, this medicine from what I have researched works 50% of the time for people the side effects that I have endured while on this medicine are insominia, no sexual desire, constipation and more active bladder. But, the inosminia is mild for low libido I take Gingko Biloba which helps especially females with this when taking antidepressants (I take 60 mg twice a day) research it then for constipation, more vegetables, water and couple of prunes a day. For active bladder, well that is something to get use to.

    Talk to your doctor or psychiatrist If you have this along with depression, anxiety, panic attacks which usually comes this talk to them about that. Don't be scared of side effects, everyone is different. I was so scared to take effexor, but guess what I am fine and love, love, love the medicine.

    Look the withdrawal symptoms for Effexor are worse than for paxil, but I don't think I will be of off this medicine anytime soon. And don't want too.

    See if it will work for you May God Bless all of you and I will be talking to all of you soon about my progress:)

  • Lonely in my Own World

    Finally I have reached the correct phase of my problem where I feel that am not alone who had this problem. I even had thought that it could be caused by some evil spirits in my body that force me to do this. I believe that just by finding and reading this page itself have had cured me 30% and I feel that i have gained a lot of confident to combat this problem that had been killing me in many ways for more than 8 years. This page might have diverted my mind from suicidal thoughts that habe been rolling in my mind for many years. Just one word with loud cry'Praise the Lord' who finally answered my prayers...

  • Jason

    I had this problem a year ago and it is getting better by practising the same as suggestions in previous posts. Talk repeatedly to yourself not to fear anyone, anything and never mind of what people think about you. I hope we all can get rid of this. Don't give up, suicide means you are lossers.

    I hope someone can create an online group so that we can help one another to overcome this.

    Thanks everyone for sharing your experience

  • Anonymous-32

    Has any one gotten rid of this complety and if yes, how exactly.

  • RJ

    Thank God for this sight. I also have suffered with this problem since in my 30's. I am now in my 60's and it still comes and goes. It is definitely worsened by high anxiety levels/situtations. Hopefully some of the suggestions here will help. I am certainly willing to try them. God bless each of you and thank you again for a sight where we can discuss this issue with others who suffer this intense pain. I also am amazed that there are so many others dealing with this condition as well.

  • Anonymous-33

    As a fellow sufferer for 37 years this thread has still managed to open my eyes in a few ways. Good luck to all of you in finding your way to deal with this sometimes horrible situation. I believe there are two separate issues here, one where staring at sexual areas is concerned and the other where it's just very difficult to look people in the eyes and feel natural and comfortable with it. I think men and women will sometime find themselves staring inappropriately but, still, it is natural. So don't be too wigged out if you happen to catch yourself staring somewhere that could make someone uncomfortable. It happens more than you know so don't make more of it than it is. The larger issue for me is dealing with the innability to relax around others due to the uncomfortable sensation associated with eye contact. As someone earlier said, all their energy is spent dealing and it's difficult to focus on what someone else is saying. I've developed a few techniques to deal and this is all I can add first, if you are near sighted, you may be in luck: take your glasses off or contacts out prior to going out or being in a close social situation-- if you can. Blurry eyes are a lot easier to deal with. Also, as said earlier, wear sunglasses when possible. I find it does help put me at ease when I think people can't see my eyes. (this should be a telling symptom to any shrinks out there). And, look around. Contemplation often entails drifting the eyes up and too the right or left while squinting to some degree. Do this and you may appear just really thoughtful. Glance back to eye contact as needed. You'll find that lots and lots of people have some issues with eye contact and the fact that you may see so many that you make nervous, may be in part due to the fact that at least some of them, have eye contact issues.... Remember, we are animals and eye contact is usually taboo in the animal kingdom-- a sign of agression or disrespect. Those genes are still in us. The important issue I found for myself is to try to quit obsessing about it and just accept it. You're still a viable decent human being. Good luck all.

  • ryan

    Hey iv had this condition for awhile I have friends but try to keep anyone from getting close. This condition started with girls but now its weird around anyone. If anyone wants to stay in touch email me ryanprokopetz@hotmail.com. Dont give up your not the only one

  • Jason

    Hello everyone,

    I may not say that I completely get rid of it but my condition is really improving and I want to share my experience with you. Hopefully, it will help you guys as it does with me.

    Everyday, I practice two things. First, when I watch the news on internet, I try to stare at one eye of reporters. At the beginning, I could not focus on it but now, I can. Second, I meditate for 20 minutes. Meditation helps increase the ability to focus as well as eliminates unwanted thoughts. When you dont think or worry about it, it will disappear. Also, I will suggest you to go out meeting and talking to those who DON'T know you while applying this technique.

    If you have any question, contact me at: goodmangooddestiny@gmail.com

  • michael

    i i'm suffering from same problem

    i'm overseas student , i was totally normal when i come to australia , i started worring about my life and job situation all these stuff , by time i have developped same problem , i coudon't make eye contact , i had to look from side to side , and i find my eyes go to sexual parties unwillingly , these ended up lossing all my friedns in the chruch and most of my relatives, everyone started to change towards me ,and treat me with caution , in addtion to the problems i faced at work , my life become defastated

    but thank God with excersising requralry i get a bit better but still suffering to some extent

    hope all the best for all of us

    michael

  • Hope

    I have the same problem that has been described by the first person. I also have anxiety and social phobia. I've been struggling with this since I hit puberty. In some ways I've learned coping mechanisms and am generally able to function normally. However, this particular problem of looking at people's breasts, penis, thighs, etc when I am talking to them keeps me up at nights and feels like it is runining my life.

    I have always had issues with my self-esteem and issues with my body and how others judge me. I am a woman but in the past was mistaken for a boy. I sometimes feel fine and have days where I feel absolutely "ugly". But also because I feel this way it is the way I carry myself that often makes people perceive me in a certain way. If I walked with my head held high and was confident I would be in a better place. Lately I've tried a general prayer to try and focus on what is important and not on the superficial. Yoga and physical exercise seem to help. Being a second generation Canadian I had a family who were busy trying to make ends meet. A father who is moody and often berated his kids. And perhaps a family history of anxiety or shyness. I've been to see a psychiatrist for years and tried different medication but didn't find that these helped. I've been taking clonazepam for my general anxiety but this is not meant as a long term solution.

    Back to the other problem I feel reluctant to talk to people and it is hard to make friends. I have trouble in family functions. I'm not sure what people think of me. I'm in a new relationship and wonder what his family will think of me (Weirdo). The reason I've shared my story because I wonder if any of you will have similar stories or common experiences that may have created this problem. Perhaps we can come closer to understanding why we do this and take steps to change our behavior.

    Hope

  • steve

    I am male, 39. I do have the same problem since I am a teenager. Although it changed over time: First I was unable to look other people into their eyes. Then I started to look at female breasts and since a couple of years I look also at males private areas. I am watching porn since I am a teenager. I am socially awkward. I am very left-brained. It's just awful, I feel like a monster, and yes people do notice. At my last job a colleague complained about me that i am a boob oggler. Sometimes it helps to focus on certain facial areas but it is just a temporary fix. I don't want to take any drugs. Just letting you know, that you are not alone.

  • Venise

    I truly thought I was all alone with this eye disorder or whatever you call it. I have no clue where it came from but I’m dying to get rid of it. This is a serious probably for me now I’m pretty much a home body. I don’t ever go out expect for work which is miserable. I lost all my friends because I didn’t want them to feel extremely uncomfortable plus it’s so shameful and embarrassing. The saddest part is that I love to talk to all sorts of people but that’s completely changed. I sometimes feel that passing on would be the answer to the problem sense I haven’t found a cure for it. I don’t want to be alone I want to have a healthy relationship with the opposite sex but how can I when I cant even talk to them without them wearing sun glasses or crossing their legs….. I’m the weirdo in the family and I never try to go out of my way to visit. I do have a boyfriend and we got together before this problem occurred but now our relationship has gotten sour I’m pretty sure he’s going to call it quits. If anyone out their knows a solution please send me an email venisealexis@gmail.com

  • trythis

    Dear Friends

    Analyse , ... U had any depression in the past?

    What you considered personal , loving and very important has been taken away from you ?

    any situation that made you feel you are not worth living ? Or in the past you are put in a circumstance that you never thought of being in ?

    If yes , that is the THOUGHT ( within you ) of not accepting yourself made you weak not to look at other people's eyes .so when you start looking at the thought (compulsion) jumbs over and says you are not worthy . There comes the fear and you start looking at different places .

    Friends,whoever you are please try to accept yourself as you are .We didnot chose our parents , where we are to be born, which color our skin to be , we have accepted everything god has given , so why not accept ourselves ?.If we have done something wrong in some situation , accept it , learn from it and try never to do it again . We are fallible human beings . We commit mistakes. We will forgive ourselves and others as well . We are worthy enough to handle things ( as before) .Nothing in this life is compared to the valuable soul within us . Only a short span of life , one lost never it comes , such valuable is our life on this planet . so why not accept yourself , your situation wherever you are . There is enough intelligence and unique purpose for every soul on this earth . There are many more people without eyes , who think if only they get their sight they can live a happy life ... we are blessed with it .Count your blessings . Please visit this site http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/ This man without limbs is my inspiration. If i can encourage and inspire atleast one soul , i consider it as a gift . Guys we will pray to God and be Positive . Hope my message inspires you .

  • jon

    I'm glad I'm not alone. I find myself doing the exact thing. Some times I will be able to talk with anyone, and other times I can't think of anything to say. I have noticed that If I just don't think about it an just start talking I do ok. When I pause or hold back my thoughts it seems to be harder to join a conversation. There are times my face gets flushed and the thought that someone can see me turning red make me want to just run. It's horrible, an I just make it worse, and I can't stop it. A crazy thing I do is curse at the person in my head that I am talking with. I don't get as nervous when I am mad, or if I'm supper busy. IDK I need help.

    Thanks, Jon

  • Kimba

    I’m a 39 year old man and I’ve had a similar problem for about 5 years now... when having a conversation I often find my eyes flicking to sensitive parts of the other person’s body, usually women’s cleavage but occasionally birthmarks or other unusual features. I’m pretty sure this has nothing to do with sexual attraction because I’m gay and I do it to old people. My guess is that I do it because I think about it so much while having a conversation. It’s completely unacceptable to me and I’ve done it before (despite trying hard not to) so doing it again becomes a huge worry. So even though I actually have no interest in breasts, I worry a lot that I’ll stare at them and somehow this makes it happen (maybe because I kind of think the forbidden eye-movement whenever I tell myself not to do it).

    I’ve spoken to most of my female friends about it by saying something like “look, I’m sorry but I keep on staring at your tits, it’s ridiculous but I’ve been doing it to everyone, including old women, so slap me if I keep on doing it”. They generally laugh at me and some have told me that they check out women’s breasts too or that they didn’t even notice, and in general they don’t seem to think it’s a big deal (which I found surprising). Owning up like this takes all of the power out of it straight away and I don’t stare at those friends now. But I can’t confess like this to my co-workers and I don’t want to do it with my female relatives either, so I’m still stuck with the problem.

    Even though I still stare, I don’t freak out about it as much now. I used to feel sheer panic when I’d get caught by co-workers but now I mostly just feel a bit embarrassed. This is because I’ve noticed that most people aren’t very offended by it, they just seem to look down on me slightly, which isn’t great but not the end of the world. Kind of accepting that it’s out of my control has helped. I got over my fear of public speaking when I realised that I always get nervous and give crap speeches anyway so there’s no point worrying so much, and once the stakes were lowered I was way less nervous and started giving good speeches. Similarly, I think my co-workers probably expect me to be a bit inappropriate now but no-one’s been upset with me or charged me with sexual harassment so it turns out that being a bit of a weirdo isn’t as bad as I feared. I’ll probably keep on staring at my co-workers but life will go on like it has for the last couple of years, so I don’t feel as anxious about it and I’ve actually probably started staring less. But I can’t accept staring at my female relatives or in job interviews, and this is where I feel like I’m damaging my life the most.

  • Hector

    Hello everybody.My name´s Hector. I´m mexican and I´ve been suffering the same ridiculous condition for about 10 years now. I´m 31 and began worrying about my eye contact situation during my last college year. I don´t know where to start. I just remember I used to be totally normal regarding the way I looked at people. I´ve always been somewhat shy, but never to the extent of being really affraid of having to find even a close friend on the street. Today, even if I spot a relative walking towards me in the street, I try to avoid him/her. If I can´t, I start to panic, because I know the inevitable is going to happen: I´ll start looking at their crotches, breasts, or butts they´re gonna go home thinking "what´s wrong with this pervert?" Anyway, I started feeling a little bit uneasy when talking to people. First, I realized I couldn´t stop glancing at peoples "defects". For example, if I encountered someone with a huge pimple on their face, I couldn´t help looking. Anyway, after a while, things got ridiculous. I couldn´t stop looking at peoples noses then it was their ears, then it was their mouths, breasts, etc. Today, I can´t help looking at peoples crotches, and feel just like all of you.

    I feel it´s stealing all my energies and it´s not letting me have a normal life and I´m f***ing sick of it. I haven´t been able to pursuit my carreer because of it. I´m also a frustrated musician because I can´t even have a normal rehearsal with anybody without thinking I´m freaking them out.

    For me its the same as some of you: my "condition" doesn´t have respect for anyone: old or young people men or women pretty or not pretty friends or strangers it even happens with my brothers, my mother and father. Christ! I teach english in elementary school and it happens with children, too. But I know that i´m not a pervert or anything. However, I notice when I make them uncomfortable. And beleive me, theres nothing worse than having a child look at you with that "what are you looking at" expression on their face.

    Anyway, I just discovered this page a few days ago. And I can´t believe how good I felt when I found out I´m not alone. I feel like I already love you guys. It´s funny, but for the few last days, after I read all your posts, I actually think I got like 10% better. I don´t know, I just stopped feeling like a freak and relaxed a little. The day after, I had a really good day. I was able to look at some people in the eyes for a few seconds and not worry about anything. Unfortunatly, its not all gone. But I feel so much better to know you guys exist.

  • Jake

    Im white, 29 and have had this 'looking' thing for about 2years. Its bourne of other anxiety, that I know- and with the fact I'm on the autism spectrum, I have never been easy with social and human situations. But this is beyond what I've had to deal with before.
    Before this, I was always slighlty socially awkward but I had enough character to get beyond that, being able to enjoy meetings and parties. Living an acitve, and full life- able to enjoy life. Now, with everyone, I start to look at peoples sensitive regions, they must think Im twisted, and it makes functioning in society very difficult.
    I remember the first time it happened, I was avoiding eye contact and looked down, which lead me to the chest of the lady I was speaking to, and I panicked. And it eventually progressed from there, with the fear of it getting worse until now it happens with everyone.
    Its distressing as people think Im a pervert, or gay, or just a freak, when Im not. And nobody is safe, old, young, friends, strangers, relatives. I was at the airport last week and an old couple started speaking to me. As I spoke with the old lady, my eyes kept going to her breasts and crotch, and with the old man to his crotch. I dont know what they were thinking but the conversation ended quickly and I felt disgusted with myself, and I feel sorry they had to speak to me. I wish they could have seen me as I am, as I believe I am a good person.
    Its esp distressing with relatives, my mom and dad must think their son is some perverted monster. My sisters no longer come round to my house to visit, I cant even begin to think what they must think.
    I no longer visit relatives as I dont want them thinking the same-
    I've stopped visiting my friends too, I used to enjoy sailing, and was learning how to surf, but I cannot bare the embarrasment and disgust of this.
    I have only spoken to my girlfiend about this, and she said that I was being over anxious and even if I did stare its no big deal, but I think she is just saying that. My girlfriend is 6months pregnant, and I am dreading this 'thing' with my child, I feel shameful that I could do this 'looking' condition on my child.
    I have even contemplated suicide, when I am not that type of person.
    It is also affecting my career, I work in IT, and have many meetings. I dread meetings and try to avoid them. I have also noticed colleagues avoid me, and they probably joke about the office 'pervert'- and who can blame them.
    It was some weight off my shoulders to know their are others who have this weird condition, but there doesnt seem to be anyway to stop this.
    Pls what do we have to do

  • Saketh

    Dude empathize with you fully... All the incidents that you have narrated have happened in my life too...

    We have a group.. there is not much activity of late but

    you can join it....

    http://groups.google.com/group/cant-look-into-other-peoples-eyes

    We will find a way !

    Never give up hope

  • Saketh

    I have decided that I am going to try and work exactly 101 days on this problem.

    If I do not fail to solve it or improve it , I have decided to wear Sunglasses at all waking times for the rest of my life.

    I will look like an idiot or Stevie wonder but I don't care it will be any day better than what I am feeling now... I am planning to fake an illness and claim my eyes are photo sensitive to light and the Dr has recommended I use glasses. I will come up with some new illness but I cannot go with this nuisance .

  • Anonymous-34

    As a fellow sufferer for 37 years this thread has still managed to open my eyes in a few ways. Good luck to all of you in finding your way to deal with this sometimes horrible situation. I believe there are two separate issues here, one where staring at sexual areas is concerned and the other where it's just very difficult to look people in the eyes and feel natural and comfortable with it. I think men and women will sometime find themselves staring inappropriately but, still, it is natural. So don't be too wigged out if you happen to catch yourself staring somewhere that could make someone uncomfortable. It happens more than you know so don't make more of it than it is. The larger issue for me is dealing with the innability to relax around others due to the uncomfortable sensation associated with eye contact. As someone earlier said, all their energy is spent dealing and it's difficult to focus on what someone else is saying. I've developed a few techniques to deal and this is all I can add first, if you are near sighted, you may be in luck: take your glasses off or contacts out prior to going out or being in a close social situation-- if you can. Blurry eyes are a lot easier to deal with. Also, as said earlier, wear sunglasses when possible. I find it does help put me at ease when I think people can't see my eyes. (this should be a telling symptom to any shrinks out there). And, look around. Contemplation often entails drifting the eyes up and too the right or left while squinting to some degree. Do this and you may appear just really thoughtful. Glance back to eye contact as needed. You'll find that lots and lots of people have some issues with eye contact and the fact that you may see so many that you make nervous, may be in part due to the fact that at least some of them, have eye contact issues.... Remember, we are animals and eye contact is usually taboo in the animal kingdom-- a sign of agression or disrespect. Those genes are still in us. The important issue I found for myself is to try to quit obsessing about it and just accept it. You're still a viable decent human being. Good luck all.

  • Desperate

    I just don't know what to say..I'm a female with this same problem. I make myself sick. I don't know how to stop it but my eyes just keep wondering. I certainly don't have sick thoughts when it happens and it just keeps happening, no matter what or who I'm talking to. I have been trapped in my own mind for most of my life. More so for the past year when this problem became a serious problem. It's very lonely living in your own mind. Never would I have thought other people would have this same problem. I thought I was the only one. I can't control it, it controls me. I've thought of suicide and went as far as getting the sleeping pills and note for when I was ready. Still have them. I'm a very insecure person and have been all my life. I have my good days but my bad days have me, OFTEN!!! I used to be so free and outgoing when I was younger. If I could live in a hole now, I would. Not sure if it's paranoia, but everywhere I turn people seem to know. And if they don't well it's just a matter of time before I give myself away. I'm certain that yes people I know have told others. Sometimes people think they see it when I'm sure I didn't do it. And well then it's all over, ' it ' takes control. I've changed jobs, because of this in hopes that if people could see me for me and not what someone else has made me out to be, I would feel more comfortable therefor more in control, and it wouldn't happen but the intimidation is still there, the insecurity still rules. And the word still follows. I really want to talk to someone about this man or female. I know I have a good heart. And that my thoughts are not unpure. What ever this is ' it ' has control of me. I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful kids, I scared I will loose them if I don't get help. Someone pls respond....

  • Why me

    OMG! I thought I was the only female on this planet suffering this uncomfortable problem. Mine started just recently 2 or 3 month ago and it became worst for the last few weeks. It started at work.

    Before my problem started, In the beginning I noticed that one or two of my male colleagues didnt feel comfortable sitting or whenever close to me. Because of that I started to become paranoid. and now i think because of that make me worry more and always worry what they will think. I then subconsciously started to look at their private part whenever I was conversing with them. Its not sexual at all, its just that when I am talking to them I can feel that my eyes subconsciously wondering around at their crotch. I dont know why. I then became paranoid everytime I am talking to guys. I dont want them to think that I am interested in them. It was so embarrassing as I noticed that they were aware that my eyes were wondering at their crotch. They even checked if their zip were undone or something.

    it became worst when this happen when I was talking to my close friend at work. and now I can feel that he tried to avoid talking to me. I have a lovely boyfriend myself which I love very much. I dont even like sexually all my male colleague. its just this disease controlling me.

    To make thing worst, I am now started to do the same at my female colleague as well. Hellooooo! this is ridiculous! how could that be. I even did that when I was talking to my mum. my sister and sis in law. I noticed that my sis in law did feel comfortable. She probably thought that I tried to come onto her or something....

    I must admit, sometimes I was wondering if this is the early signs of why people committed suicide. Really, I am deadly serious about this. This feeling has been controlling me for the past 3 months. It makes me hating myself. I just dont know what to do. I told my bf about this. He said to not to take it seriously or just tried to not think about it when talking to people. I tried that but my eyes still wondering there.

    I am lost

  • Anonymous-35

    Hey Guys. I am extremely happy to find this page and realize I am not the only person who suffers with this nightmare. Unfortunately though, I really dont have anything positive to add as I have suffered since I was 18 and I am now 57. I have tried therapy, psychiatrists and medication, but nothing has helped me. I try to make the best of my life but it has really been a struggle with this problem. I am sure my friends and family have noticed my obsession, but they probably wonder what the heck it is about? why would i be looking at a friend or family members private parts instead of making eye contact and having normal conversations. I often find it hard to concentrate and stay focused during a conversation because of the problem. I think the fact that My friends were there before i devolped the problem helps alot. I sure wish I had the courage to talk to them about my problem but I can never bring myself to discuss it with anyone. I wonder if making people aware of the problem would lessen the compulsion. I have become a heavy drinker and find my time alone is my most comfortable. It is kind of ironic because I was very outgoing and definitely a people person berfore all this began. I too wish that someone would name this ailment and let the general public become educated about it. That could really help us. We might not be looked upon as weird, perverted, or being sexually attracted to the people we come into contact with. I mean geez, I have the same compulsion with every person I come into contact with, men, women, young, old..........Ok

    I guess i am just venting a little and it feels good to do so. I am curious, I wonder how many of us are there? do you think there are enough in one area to get some kind of group together. I live in south new jersey if there is anybody else out here let me know through this forum and lets see if we can start something. We shouldnt have to suffer so much by ourselves

    God bless and good luck to all

  • Shepherd

    I'm 28 now..I had the same problem, frankly saying more than this i was almost into the hell...i 've planned for suicide a lotta times bcaz this. i 've lost almost all of them around me...i got a good muscular body i quit the gym bcaz of this prob...i didn't even come out of my room, i was unable to watch tv, movies anything at all....i got heavy headache bacaz of this hell, i 've tried sun glasses, optics, drunked a lot...nothing helped me as a solution finally i 've dicided to fight against this hell...I took the Holy Bible and prayed for the strength to the Jesus he took off the fear in my heart and mind he set me free again to this world, guys Jesus is the one and only soulution to this illution, take the Holy Bible read all the time you got understand the Bible and the words of the Lord...You must know something no one is watching you except Jesus and the Holy spirit unless you get fear of them....its an illusion its an illusion its an illusion..watch their private parts very frankly without any fear forget about their point about you, they never notice you unless you get panic look at them very frankly you will come out of it easily....Ask Jesus and the Holy Spirit for the strength and to forget this hell. Please try this guys Praise the Lord all the time in your Life.

  • Allan N. Schwartz Phd

    While everyone has the right to their opinion and, if they are religious, to hold their own way of thinking about things. However, this is a mental health site where we discuss psychological issues and psychological ways to learn to cope with problems including to seeking help from mental health professionals. persuasion as a psychological, scientific treatment.

    Dr. Schwatz

  • Jason

    What do you all think about a campaign to raise awareness on this? Posting this website on facebook and ask your friends to do it as well may be a good idea.

  • Ryan

    Hey everyone there is a facebook group named "Eye Contact Anxiety Disorder" and it would be awesome to get a group to join and discuss this topic on there. Hope to see more of you on there!

    Ryan,

  • Venise

    When ever your done with your comments please feel free to leave your email address, if you want. Then we will be able to reach out to one another. We don't have to go with this condition or "whatever it is" Alone.

    Much love, Venise Alexis

  • Skipy

    Thanks to every one who wrote in this fourm sharing his/her expeirance . I thought I was the only one having this problem , it is sooomuch painful and hurtful.

    from what I have read I think it is like a ciycle that need to be broken ,

    it is all about "FEAR" of something bad to happen and it happens , it hurts when it happens and cause pain and shame and distroy self-esteem and confidence and

    again we start over in this loop

    fear > >what we fear always atracts our minds >> it happens >> Pain and shame >> low self esteem , low-confidance >> More Fear , it goes On and On

    we need to find a way to break this loop , once we break it , we will be free

    thank you for every one out there sooo much

    May God heal us and help us all

  • Amer Ibrahim Jr.

    Hi guys, I am suffering from the same illness as you guys. almost all of your comments are the same as mine too so I won't elaborate more about my experiences. I just want to add a little.^^ I am 31 now and I started suffering from anxiety since 2003, but this illness (unidentified illness) started about 3years ago. my problem with mine is that the more i hide it, the more my eyes do its deeds (bad deed). i couln't tell my wife about this. I guess all of my relatives, friends, family, coleagues, everyone have noticed this, so what i did is that I stopped looking at peoples eyes when im talking to them. and i guess it worked. i never put my eyes any closer to them actually, so if you could just imagine^^.. I am planning to share this problem with them soon. and i think it is the only way to gain confidence back, when they'll know about my illness, at least they're aware of what is going on with me which i think is the best way to face it. forgive me for my not so good English guys^^. we are family under the same illness. dont be depressed about this guys, you are not alone...

  • Janny

    O my god I had this problem for to years already and is killing me I had a job offer and I lost the opportunity due to this call disorder. I try my best to keep eye contact but I can't please somebody help.

  • Shais Anees

    Hi all,

    What can I say? I am very happy to find this page also among many others with the same issue about OCD starring.

    I am boy 22 years old suffering from social phobia and this OCD starring where I can't stop stare at all people out of the eye corners.

    I have stopped school and work due to this and now it's even destroying my family life and normal life. Nothing seems to make sense anymore but you have to keep up the spirit... (SMILE) :D

    I wonder if anyone of you would like to share experience, adwice and just everything you have in mind due to this OCD starring issue?

    I think we could have much great time together sharing all what we have in mind when we all suffer from the same and understand each other very well.

    So please feel free to write to me and contact me.

    My mail is: shais@hotmail.dk

    My website is: http://www.OCDstarring.com

    My Facebook is: search by my mail shais@hotmail.dk

    - My biggest wish right now is to meet a another person suffering from this OCD starring in which I have had for more than 1 year.

    Hope to hear from any as it's nice to know that you are not alone (SMILE) :D

  • SR

    Once when I was in Varanasi, I was passing through a place where there was a large tank of water on one side and a high wall on the other. It was in the grounds where there were many monkeys. The monkeys of Varanasi are huge brutes and are sometimes surly. They now took it into their heads not to allow me to pass through their street, so they howled and shrieked and clutched at my feet as I passed. As they pressed closer, I began to run, but the faster I ran, the faster came the monkeys and they began to bite at me. It seemed impossible to escape, but just then I met a stranger who called out to me, "Face the brutes." I turned and faced the monkeys, and they fell back and finally fled.

    That is a lesson for all life — face the terrible, face it boldly. Like the monkeys, the hardships of life fall back when we cease to flee before them. If we are ever to gain freedom, it must be by conquering nature, never by running away. Cowards never win victories. We have to fight fear and troubles and ignorance if we expect them to flee before us.

  • Anonymous-36

    I have the same problem and I am a female. I look at men and women inappropriatelyalmost 100% of the time and it really makes me unhappy and ashamed. i am straight, so i don't understand it. I am small chested so i wonder if it's envy as well as a general lack of confidence in myself. I Even do it to relatives and they notice and are clearly not cool with that. and I am pretty sure I lost my last job because of that, not the reason I was given and have failed many interviews given by men or women because of it and have not had luck getting second dates, but can easily get a first date off a dating site. I can more easily look at children in the eyes and i thnk it's because I am not afraid of them. I get so embarrased when I go places and women who know me cover their chests in some creative way and talk about me with their friends- probably calling me gay and men have talked to me behind filing cabinets or other tall things so that i look at their face, not their crotch or have moved in certain ways so i can look at their faces, not downward toward their body. I am so embarassed about it. I hate myself for doing it and I have lost a lot respect for myself and I think about ways i can leave society so i can go on living without this happening.

  • Anonymous-37

    I have a same problem.

    my email id is cyanide20000@yahoo.co.in

    we all sufferering from this should have a way to convey our conditions and solutions.

  • gundaa

    i am 28, male. having this problem for the last 8 years i guess atleast thats when i began noticing and how stage by stage it was getting worse. like from being shy guy, unable to speak to girls in school, college, to the guy who stares at your breasts in college, to guy who now is staring at womens breast, hips, back, of women in the family, relatives and others, quit my first job after three months fearing sexual harassment charges and the shame and humiliation if it did happen. after seeing a therapist who said theres nothing wrong may be just anxiety who put me on some antidepressents after making me see a psychaitrist. so after a year i get simialr job and i quit that job too.

    2 years has slowly turned 5 years of unemployment and being homebound. gradually avoided meeting my college mates, avoiding everyone expect for weddings and funerals which now i dread everytime my phone rings. i stopped answering unkown numbers, even known numbered phone calls after i quit my second job. living with my parents who have no clue. have thought of suicide but never attempted cause i wana live. i think life is beautiful. even on the worst day i only plan either to runaway into forest or take a bike trip.

    only yesterday with my plan of a bike trip around the country for a year or so. i became extermely nervous and scared about the curios people i am gonna meet on the way and they do not know me and seeing me looking at their breast or crotch. i was scared that they might thrash me to death. now i am afraid to even get out of the house. i am unable get a hair cut, go get groceries anything. cops scare me as hell. i want to do a bike trip but i am too scared of myself. Love and Peace :)

    i liked the acceptance comment here, nice :)

  • Anonymous-38

    I am 28, male. having this problem for 7-8 years no. atleast that's when i started noticing it and how it gradually became worse like from a shy guy who never spoke to girls during school and college, later during my masters i was pervert and a creep staring at breasts in full view of others unable just to have a normal eye contact and later with women in the family, relatives and others old, young, kids all of them. i am so scared when i beging to think what have i become.

    quit my first job after 3 months, saw a therapist was on anti depressent and told i had anxiety issues thats all. took a similar job a year later still was the same and i quit within two months fearing sexual harrassment charges. everyday in the meeting when my manager got up and explained the days targets and activities i couldn't look him in the eye without my eyes fixed at his crotch so i had to either keep my head down and nod and speak when i had to or look away. once in a interview for a radio company. my worst fear a lady interviewer she had large breats the momet i walked in then i thought should i run away or should i faint! she didn't mind much but she was uncomfortable.

    now 5 years after my master degree i sit at home watching TV, won't answer phone calls, avoid meeting my college mates, recently have started give weddings a miss and even a funeral and that made me so sad but i can't look like a low life and retard in funeral gatherings staring at women iappropriatly.

    even on the worst days all i think about is to runaway or take a bike trip around the country cause i dont wana kill myself. i really want to take a bike trip around the country and its my dream. but i'm scared how strangers who i will meet along the way gonna see me and what if they mistake me for someone else and beat me up. but i might just dont care in the end and just do it soon very soon in a week or so.

    Thanks for this questions i really needed to know that i was not the only one. i really liked the acceptance comment. Nice!

  • Carolyn

    I am a 31 year old female and have been having this problem probably for the last five years. I decided to do some research on the internet about difficulties making eye contact, but never expected to find people who suffered from the exact condition which has been plaguing me. I am in therapy now, but even this is uncomfortable as I find my eyes drifting towards the therapists genital area. I have not been able to discuss this problem with him, but I am sure he is aware of it. I have no sexual feelings what so ever as this occurs, and in fact, quite the contrary. I am horrified by it, but am unable to control it. It happens when i am speaking with both women and men, including my own mother and sisters. When i am speaking with someone I feel uncomfortable making eye content and then inadvertently find myself staring at their private parts. People are aware of it and become uncomforatble. I see a female counselor as well and it happened in her office just last week. She became so uncomfortable that she began to pull on her skirt, cross her legs, and finally pulled up her chair to her desk. I feel so ashamed. I usually ending up trying to look away and stare at the floor. It happened when talking to my own mother this very evening. I was sexually abused as a child and have had social anxiety my entire life. I wonder if this is a sunconscious source. i dont want peoiple to think I am some kind of pervert. HELP!

  • Anonymous-39

    hi, i'm exactly the same anyone found anything to controll this. please contact me

  • Anonymous-40

    Hey all, i am a 32 year old straight male and have been suffering big time from this odd condition for about 3 years now, its really affecting me mentally+socially and i am genuinely disgusted with myself, although i know i am a good person at heart, and i get no enjoyment from this thing whatsoever, i just wanted to say thankyou all for being so honest as i thought i was alone with this and i already feel a bit better since i read so many of your posts and to know i am not alone.

    unfortunately i have no real advice on how to tackle this thing, i can only say to stay positive and hold your heads up high. Please someone reply, so maybe we can laugh ouselves better and take a plus out of a negative, as they do they laughter is the best medicine!!!

    Goodluck and peace to all.

  • judith

    i drowning, in misery... sometimes i wonder can i still survive? I am unable to bond with anybody. Others avoid me and talk behind my back. I could die with shame. Is my life still worth living??? Am i going to suffer from this 'disease' for the rest of my life? God please relieve my suffering

  • Paul

    your life is certainly worth living, Judith- even with this horrible inconvenience of not making eye contact-I am exactly the same and have a history of being passed over for promotions, strange friendships, failure to connect with tons of people I have wanted to, and etc. -even have it with my own mom and best friend. We can make the best of it by offering up the pain to God. Constantly pleading with him is good also- it gives us peace and grace. I have heard a lot of good advice and comments here and will probably re-read them a few times. take care, Paul- let me know how you are doing.

  • Anonymous-41

    i have the same problem. Anybody can help? Anybody wants to share their feelings? leong_judith@yahoo.com

  • leong judith

    I'm trying very hard.. anybody can help me? ??

    Each day is a constant struggle. I feel as if i am in a nightmare that i'll never wake up. leong_judith@yahoo.com.sg

  • Urban.Hermit

    i already have a comment somewhere below and since then saw a therapist who believes i am schizophrenic and now i am taking anti-psychotic and anti-depressents. i told about this forum and people with similar condition he just wont listen he simply brushes it off as my delusion. he asks me if i hear any voices i mean what can i say. but later he understood and asked me to join him and his friends at public swimming pool.

    since i had told him about problem he understood and encouraged me to get exposed to my fear. but its been worse the medictation arent of much help but may be keeps me off of depression. i'm losing hope in my new therapist to cure me too.. i just dunno.

  • taz

    I've been suffering with this for about 6 years. It seems as though I've always struggled with anxiety. The anxiety is difficult enough to deal with but toss this into the mix and its flat out horrible. I can't control my eyes. It's so embarrassing when it happens, its not me. It makes me feel like a freak or something. I've actually prayed for death because this makes me feel so sick. I honestly thought that I was alone with this. Does anyone know how to stop this?

  • Shabi

    hello, everyone

    I also having the same problm, i am 24 year old female, since last 1-1/2 year i am having this problm, before this i was a normal person wtih good eye contact, but now everything has changed, now i am praying god to give my eye contact back what i had before this 1-1/2 year.

    this is really disgusting, i am not able to concentrate my vision to anybody even to my family members, most of them are uncomfortable with me, now i am not intrested to go out or make friends or other activities

    this is really a curse. this is kiilling meee

    i thought i only haivng this problm, but unfortunately many of us hvig the same prblm

    personally, i dont have any bad habits, i am married and i have good life except this problm. i discussed this to my husband, but he is not understanding me. i know, he cann't imagine what i am going through..ONLY WE CAN UNDERSTAND OUR PROBLEM.

    pls help me to tackle this

  • Anonymous-42

    I am facing same problem and amazed to see how many people are suffering from this.

  • taz

    Has anyone tried anything that has helped? I've been trying to see if there is a common factor involved when this does happen to me. For example how I'm feeling physically and mentally at the time, the situation at the time and so on. Some of the things that I've tried are meditation/relaxation, praying, the rubber band around my wrist thing. Don't try it. It doesn't work, only hurts.

    I'm grasping at straws trying figure out a way to stop this so any input would be terrific. We all seem to be at the same point and that is deperately needing this to stop. Like I said in an earlier post I've prayed for death because of this stuff. So I'm hoping that if we put our heads together maybe we can come up with something that might help us all.

  • Wownotalone

    I thought I was all alone!! I felt ashamed at always looking at the private parts of everybody, especially when they notice and cover up. I'm not sure, but I was thinking I have the issue from being exposed to body parts consistently in my own house, and the sensual exploitation of women and young ladies everywhere, now I got to seeee. The two things that trouble me the most is looking at men private parts and when I know people are doing things because they noticed I can't keep my eyes to myself, you know the easing of a cover up. I really hate this issue. It's almost a love hate sort of thing. Lastly, seems like the more I try to fight it, the more I'm aware of it, the more I do it, it's greeting really really bad. Praying do deliverance....

  • Reese

    I'm turing 32 today and I was just sitting thinking of the things that I haven't been able to overcome even with age. Like most of you I have suffered with anxiety since I was young. I don't know why. One of my issues is not being able to make eye contact. I stare at womens breast and sometimes the other and I stare at mens privates. I also feel ashamed when I see them pull their jackets closed or close their legs. In my head I'm telling myself to "quit it" but I guess easier said than done. Sometimes I'll actually find myself making eye contact catch myself doing it and it's like my brain says "remember your suppose to be staring inappropriately." I use to think that I was gay when I did it to females, when I was younger. We are not always in control of our thoughts but I don't remember ever feeling any sexual feelings when this would happen. Sometimes I would think I was selfish and that maybe I wasn't interested in what they were talking about enough to make eye contact. It's been a trip. One thing that I learned also is that this is not exclusive to just sex parts. I stare at imperfections on the face like moles, pimples, scars etc. One guy walked into my job with a missing arm and I was tryng to keep myself from staring at it even though I've seen amputated limbs a dozen times and it holds no fascination for me. I guess the biggest issues I have with this is not being able to make alot of friends, fear of going on job interviews, and going to the beach lol. What I've been doing for the last couple of years is looking away as I'm talking or as they're talking to give myself a break sometimes, probably them as well. No one seems offended. I pray alot that if I never get over this that people will just except me the way I am in know that I mean no harm. For all of you who say you do this to your family please tell them what's going on. Talking to my family has helped me gradually overcome doing this to them. At least for the most part. Stay strong and know you're not alone.

  • jc

    I have had this problem for about 4 years now...And it's getting worst and worst every single day...I can't take it no more, I hate myself when it happens, but there's nothing I can do to avoid it. My job is to meet people everyday and this makes it very uncomfortable for them (women) and me. I thought I was alone on this, but I see that there's many people with the same problem. Please I need help

  • "If there is a will there is a way'

    I have gone through the articles and there is nothing to worry with genes and all I think

    It must be related to subconscious level of a human mind and yes social fobia little bit matters there. BY THIS WAY OF EYE CONTACTING ONE WANT TO END THE SESSION OF CONVERSATION (OR HIS/HER PRESENCE) BY MAKING HIM/HER UNCOMFORTABLE.

    Trust me guys one can overcome it with concentration, ie focus focus and focus to the other persons eyes.. initially it will feel strenous but you can pull it through. AND NO NEED TO DIE BUT DO SOME YOGA AND TRY TO KEEP YOUR MIND IN A SINGLE POINT- FOR THIS YOU WILL HAVE TO TRY HARD BECAUSE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CONTROLL OUR MINDS WE ALL KNOW BUT ITS EASIER THAN COMMITING SUICIDE

    Trust me guys I have this problem 2008 onwards and I am out of it more than 75% and Iam very happy to say that. No one is noticing the problem now but I wanna delete that 25 too. take care frnds ttyl

  • Lisa

    I thought I was the only one who suffered with this embarrising disorder. It is nice to know that there are others out there like me. I have bounced from job to job because of this. It has brought me so much pain and I have lost out on so much opportunity and ruined many relationships with talented women in my age group. I am hopeful now that I can get the help I need to repair myself and my image after reading these post.

  • Anonymous-43

    Ice again Wow its crazy this is such a problem..

    I'm a 21 year old female... I work in retail so this especially horrible and for my co workers, they all cover up around me.. And its gotten worse lately, so embarrassing.. I'm scared someone is going to say something and ill be fired! :'(

    I've always had some type of anxietyy or compulsion I guess now that I think back on it, and actually know what to look for after doing some research.. Whether it be getting really anxious in social setting like at school in class or when id have to walk through large groups etc. Buy I've always been a really social person!

    Its only been recently that this has started so I really want to get it under control before it becomes worse.. Its really only at work with people who on close toonor women's breasts. Not just random people or women who are covered up..

    I always fear women think im a lesbian and men think im creepy or want them..

    I guess I have low self esteem maybe thats where this all started, also im in bad relationship with a guy who is verbally sometimes physically abusive, maybe thats where? I have no idea.. I used to get anxiety about other things, but this is horrible because of the way it makes people feel around you.

    I've started running and trying to eat right..

    Though I have noticed from ll these comments everyone here seems to overthink things? Really focusing on what the other person thinks "I bet they think this.. Inbet they feel this" maybe thats where the problem lies..

    I want to print this blog and show it to a phyc before I go in so he doesn't think im crazy when I reach out about this problem/obsession..

    Oh and side note it only happens when im in uncomfortable situations.. Obviously I guess buy if im comfortable(not often) it doesn't seem to happen.

  • This is serious

    where to start, I have been looking for such experiences on website a few years ago and I could not find anything. Just like everyone else on this site, I thought I am the only one with this issue too..

    I am 32 male and I don’t have the problem of staring at the funny parts of someone. I have the problem of staring when conversing, which stops me from socialising, working efficiently, being around with family and friends. Well basically preventing me from living a normal life.

    I have this problem from the past 6 years, I have tried psychologist, but I just found it a waste of time, I think the doctors do not take it as serious, only from this website we can determine the seriousness of this problem, it really can ruin lives. I was not the shyest person and same is the case with many ppl in here, but I can hardly speak to anyone because of the scare of embarrassing myself.

    Although I might be half the person I could be without this problem, but committing suicide never something I thought of. “Personal view” but suicide is a coward act. Life is a test so best to face the challenge rather than running away. Some good advices on this side from personal experiences, like focusing, and trying to avoid eye contacts as much as possible, which can be very difficult, because the eye contact overwhelms your mind so much that you can hardly think or focus on anything else. But all someone can do is try and make the best of it.

    My problem started slowly and gradually, used to happen only when I was really tired and then it grew more and more and a time came when it became permanent. I used to think it might be due to my job, but I change jobs although in the same profession and it did not make a big difference.

    Please do share your experience as it does help a lot.

  • Anonymous-44

    im a dude had this "problem" for 11 years and i f'n hate it. my therapist said what if everyone did this, i said "it would be normal, like breathing". im very sensitive to certain comments or gestures and i read a boatload of selfhelp books but it makes me feel better knowing im not alone. "Maybe we are the normal ones."

  • dean martin glover

    this happens to me also and it makes me think about humans and how animalistic we acutaly are, because if the cave man could not speak how would he live life. Obiously he would have the erge, desiger and need for the most important thing in human life survival, and a big part of survival is to reproduce. These days having a laptop can get you married and get you kids in the sence that you have a conversation with somebody they like you you like them and its starts from there. But when a cave man is full of testosterone and he wants to have sex he must first pick the correct partener .i.e a female with developed breasts obviously because she will be sexualy mature and she can reproduce. But if that male is in an area with other males theres going to be a fight for the women. The strongest male will get his way because of his testosterone levels will be hire and this male will have a bigger penis. So after experiance an inferior male will know his position in the pecking order through comparing his penis visualy by another male who has a biiger or smaller penis that him. Your eyes have optical fibers that reach right inot you brain that conect to your penial gland responsible for sexual development and many other thing this part of the brain contros the eyes and what they look at because the cave man had to follow his desiger as well waht his brain was making him do. after all he was not giving a maual on how to do things from a2b. STAY FOCUSED AND EXCERSISE ITS THE BEST THING FOR MENTAL ANXIETY. love your self without the big head

  • scream

    hi there. i like everyone else here am happy to know that i am not the only one out there with this affliction. i am 37 yrs old and have had this problem since i was 18. i can almost remember what it was like to have a normal conversation or interation with people without this. this is very difficult as it happens with literally everyone i ever meet. friends, family, co-workers. i want to encourage everyone to keep working at exposing oneself to our fears. keep trying. don't feel alone or hopeless. there are others who know how it feels.

  • Anonymous-44

    Get a video camera and record yourself it helped me alot. I figured out it is just a bad belief, nothing more. They have no clue what we are feeling or doing.

  • Surviving

    I have this problem too, but I know how to deal with it. The root of the problem is fearing that you'll do it so you approach a social interaction with "Dont stare at X! Dont stare at X!" Don't think of a pink elephant - see? You thought of one. When the fear comes to my mind, I use the ACT theory approach and think, "Thanks mind, uh huh, whatever" or some other way to downplay the fear and literally brush it off. It takes practice, but you can do it. If you were playing an instrument and feared a note, any music teacher will trll you that that anxiety will mess you up. Pay no mind - accept that those thoughts are there, get comfortable with them, and just thank your mind when those thoughts pop up, but you dont fear them. Read anything you can on ACT theory as it has worked wonders for people like me with OCD, which is what this problem is. Live!

  • amaze

    Please any other sufferers from ireland with this afflication? Mental health problems are so taboo in this country and this one tops the lot. there needs to be more help/ information on this torturous problem!

  • Juan Carlos

    when this thing attack me it was back in 1987 when theres was no internet and you felt all alone and without any hope thinking you were the only freak out there, It did destroyed my life completely.

    When I was around 21 years old I heard someone talk about a man that had this rare condition, it affected me just thinking how bad this guy must of felt and it bother me at the same time, I said to myself I hope something like that never happens to me. next thing I know I was having a normal conversation with a friend of my dad and guess what guys? all of a sudden that conversation I heard days before came to my mine and when I look at my dads friend again I could not look at his eyes anymore, I was stairing at his croatch. now 24 years has pass and still have it but worse it has expanded to every human being no matter age sex old young pretty uglu, well you know the rest.

    Some days is not as bad and what bothers me sometimes is how well I fell when I find mysel talking to someone and they don't notice my condition.

  • Terry

    I can only say how glad I am to have found others with this problem. Part of the issue is the alienation that the sufferer feels as their shame and embarrassment slowly begins to isolate them from normal human contact. I have suffered with this for several years and have found myself unable to make friendships and generally avoid all but essential contact with others.

    I agree with many others on this site when it is said there is no sexual component to the act merely the compulsion to look at a prominent feature on a persons face, for example, or the need to look at a womans breasts. Even though every thought in your head screams for you not to act in this way you are unable to stop yourself. The covering up, the odd glances received and the eventual avoidance of others in even talking to you are extremely hurtful. Knowing others think you are weird or sick hurts-the fact they may never know what a great person you are and the memories of normal life and relationships before the problem are equally painful.

    Good luck to you all and God bless.

  • Darius Connors

    For the love of god, I thought I was alone! I don't have this problem anymore, and I can tell all of you something very important and true. You might not believe it, but it is all in your head! Your actually not staring, it's called a peripheral vision, meaning that you can see what is happening to your right and left, without your eyeballs moving. The reason you think you stare, is because you notice your peripheral vision, which stops you from focusing, and which makes you look at people directly sometimes. I would look at people occasionally, when I thought I stared at them, meaning I would stare at people when I thought i stared, which I didn't to begin with!

    If you don't believe me, record yourself with a webcam, and try to look at a point at the screen, while noticing stuff around you, for example a lamp. When you see the recording you will notice that you don't stare "from the side", meaning it's your peripheral vision. I repeat your not staring!!!!! This is very important to understand, it's all in your head! I saw a therapist a year ago, because I just couldn't take it anymore, it changed my life 180 degrees.

    My therapist made one exercise where she would sit next to me, and she would tell me if I stared. I noticed her, and I thought I stared, but she told me I didn't. She told me my eyes didn't wander. It was all in my head. When you get nervous, you begin to notice stuff around you, in your peripheral vision. That doesn't mean you stare, it just makes you more nervous and stops you from focusing!

    Simple exercise: Record yourself, and look at a point at the screen, whilst "staring at stuff around you". Trust me, the result will blow your mind!

    I actually asked my friends in the end, if they had noticed me staring at them, and they told me again and again, NO! And these are friends I have known since I was a kid. You can even take your computer, and go to the library or canteen/public place, record yourself, and look at the screen, do your stuff. You will notice stuff around you, but your eyes won't wander! Trust me! You might move your eyes, when you look directly at something, but not when it is in your peripheral vision. After a while you will get more calm, and the anxiety will go away. Record yourself again and again, and notice that your eyes look completely normal. After sometime you won't even notice anymore!

    I don't see my therapist anymore, I saw her a couple of times, she worked with cognitive therapy, and I didn't take any prescription drugs. Just by talking to her, and doing some small assignments, it worked.

    And if you think that your problem is worse than mine, than get this: I had this problem with thinking I stared at people since I was 16, up until a year ago. I'm now 28, meaning I had the problem for 12 years of my life. Stop wasting your time, and trust me. It is all in your head!

    I hope you all the best, and please write back on your experiences, after you record yourself. It will blow your mind!

    I will check up on this page once in a while.

    Yours sincerely

  • Amazec

    Thank you for your comment, below, it is reassuring in way but what if you notice people adjusting their clothes continuously while you stand there worrying that you are looking down their necks....it is very difficult when you feel sure you do it!!!

  • natalie

    I can not explain how relieved i am that this problem exist within other people. I am 31 years old and recently lost an extreme amount of weight after being 230 pounds for 25 years of my life. Recently after moving in with a group i started to have these same issues I was, and still is very embarrassed when i discussed it with others they seem to not understand. It is really affecting my life, i have never been a person who ever have not wanted to travel or talk with people, but since this situation i am too afraid to even have any conversation because i feel like people look at me like i am crazy and i just can not seem to look people in the eyes. I really need help as it is making me very depressed and i am such a happy person. Any suggestions

  • John glover

    I have this too. Sucks it freaks people out lol and I hate it. When I go walking around I'm so anxious just trying to avoid people's glances. People do tend to notice and usually laugh or look away. Sucks not having a choice to be normal

  • farhod

    hi every1.

    first of all im very happy 2 find people like me here and to know that im not aloNe!!!!! this happend to me 8 years ago, when back then i used to eat magicmushrooms and smoking weed. i use to do drugs for many years( X , marijuana, acid and magicmushroomz) but never before i had this problem and it all came to me in one night and a blink of an eye!!!!

    sometimes that i use x pills i dont have this problem or much less or even when sometimes that i thinks that the other person does not endrerstand my issue it gets much better but im still looking for a way to get rid of this sickness.

    i wanted to ask other people if they use drugs when this happend and i wanted to keep in touch with people that have this problem so that i can have a friend to talk to who understands me so if anyone who has this problem ill be happy to connect with eachother at raminatlas@gmail.com

  • Amazec

    Hi all, i think it is all very well people sharing their experiences on here but how much better would it be to start up a forum, or thread on say Social Anxiety Support. The problem with this page is people seem to relate their experience and then that is it, there is no follow on, any suggestions, anyone????

    Maybe we could all come up with a joint solution and maybe there are people who live nearby each other without knowing and how great that would be.

    We are not alone!

  • amazec

    Hi all, I have started a thread on Social Anxiety Support under the Social Anxiety Forum and its under "Secondary Disorders" post entitled eye contact ocd....might be a way to keep in touch and support each other.

  • Anonymous-45

    Hi all!

    Don't give up! belive it or not it's all in our head its all about fears in our head!, I have some good days and bad days, but I am so optemistic I'll get rid of it one day! as long as getting closer and closer to my creator by meditating and praying, the problem will fade away and will be demolished by god will...

    please don't give up ,,,,I know how it feels ,it's painful ,,it's a feeling of like you are in jail ,,,you feel like you want break the walls and doors and come out of it!!!!I know !you are accused by others by something you are so inncent from....I know it's horable!! but still don't give up, specially after you knew there are thousands just like you.

    if you need to contact me

    rajeya10 @ twiter

  • Anonymous-46

    I just want to thank you all for your comments I hope god blesses you all. I have had this problem for 8 months now I have come so close to suicide. What do you do if family member notice it and highten your anxiety by shifting clothes or cross there arms? And a little feed back to everybody shades(dark glasses) help alot.

  • Anonymous-47

    i live in ireland ,and this whole fiasco has driven me to the point of considering suicide .i just want to be normal again and enjoy my life .how can you stop noticing ? and once you notice you start beating yourself up .confidence gone.all my dreams slipping away from my fingers and i want so very much to connect with people and help them.anyway what i have done is start talking to shop attendants.it seems the more i worry about it ,the bigger it seems .I have decided if i can't get rid of it ,i'm going to spread it to others :) and then it will be normal and we won't have to suffer so much fear /shame e.t.c oh and i do plan to see a therapist ..it might just help.after months of avoiding people and panic attacks .i've decided i'm going to see this throught till it's over and then 'm going to appreciate the liitle things more..

  • Amie

    I too am from Ireland and suffering from this problem, would love to chat in the forum, haven't had a look at it yet myself. My email address is acase77@gmail.com. Would be great to find a solution!

  • Anonymous-48

    So i recently started seeing a therapist .i want my life back.she said there is an underlining anxiety that you might be experiencing in your life,your life might be unstable and all your supressed fear might have triggerd the first time this happen .so everytime this happens you reconfirm that you're not okay to yourself.like someone else said it's the peripheral view that's causing all the problem.it is also linked to low self esteem and fear of what people think.your self talk has to change.anyway do try get some help.i felt alot better after .it still happened but i didnt feel as bad as i did prevoius times.i know the less attention i give it ,it will soon begin to fade.we will get through this keep your head up and never look down on yourself.no body is better than you and dont judge yourself so harshly .LoVE yOU aLL

  • pink_22

    I too have been suffering from the same problem for almost 3 years now.. The problem is, the more I concentrate on the eye the more that I look at them in the chest.. I keep doing it and it's difficult to control. It's getting worse too because It can't get out of my mind..

  • hari

    hello friends i too suffer from this problem, no escape,thinking of committing suicide.

    any idea please contact me hari4u69@rediffmail.com

  • Cathy

    Such a relief to hear there are so many suffering from this horrible disorder.. I've had it for 6 years now (with looking at the chest and any other feature that stands out on a person). It's horrifying to see the women I work with adjust their tops on a daily basis, over the years I've just told myself it is something that will just fade. I was a very confident person who loved to travel and meet new people, now I just avoid making new friends with girls as I really don't want to come accross as a big perve! Even my family notice which makes me feel awful. I'm thinking of ignoring the issue and applying for a Primary teaching course at uni in the next few weeks, but the idea of standing in front of a room of university students with this problem scares the hell out of me! Has anyone tried hypnotherapy, surely hypnosis must help in some way??thanks all for sharing:) hjt.734@hotmail.co.uk

  • Anonymous-49

    I suffer from this too. It's so embaressing! Sometimes I am completely normal then something triggers it out of nowhere and I just want to crawl up and die.

  • Anonymous-50

    I have been facing this problem for past 1 month n it feels better to see that i am not the only one. initially i was scared to see that people have faced this problem for years but after reading all those suggestions now i atleast know that its all in my head and i will try hard to get it off my head. I will meditate & pray to god to bring me out of this.

    thank u so much :)

  • LittleMiss

    I have done a lot of research, over the years, about this. I too suffer from the "condition"...it started slowly when I was about 14 and it progressively made itself dominant in my life the older I got. (apparently that is common, so i've read) I'm 27 now. yea....good times :/ I too contemplated and plotted suicide, but realized that I'm more afraid of God than I am of people. God has a purpose for my life. His word tells us that suicide is wrong. Therefore, I have forced myself to endure this and overcome it.

    There are many other websites/forums/blogs where people are coming forward about this. I read one book in particular about a woman who suffered from severe anxiety and social phobia. Her story is much more extreme than mine and probably many of yours but she digs into the science of what happens in the brain to cause certain behaviors. She, apparently, would have extreme nervous breakdowns. I don't recommend buying it. I skimmed through a lot of it because she rambles and it's disorganized. the book is titled "A Spider in the Palace" by Jeanne Pricer. It's not the easiest book to follow but I was desperate for any answers. Here is what I have learned so far and what I plan to do about it:

    Basically, this is something we have trained our brains and eyes to do. After the first time it happened, a memory was recorded in our brains of that moment. (I can remember specifically the first few times it happened to me and all the other times, as i'm sure most of you can) Due to the awkwardness of the situation, embarrassment and fear, we we're doomed to recall that incident the next time we were in a social situation, causing us to panic and repeat the behavior. It probably only took one or two incidents for us to create what is called "MUSCLE MEMORY". Each time you are forced to speak to someone, your brain recalls what happened and repeats the behavior. It's like a reflex. I and others i've read about, recognize that it is "out of our control" and there are no other thoughts besides "DON'T DO IT" going on in our heads during each encounter. The wonderful thing about muscle memory is that it can be trained to do something new! I read on another website similar to this one that someone had found a way to slowly overcome it....

    She said she read a book that gave an exercise to practice daily in order to learn maintaining eye contact. She wrote that the book said to find someone you trust or someone you can at least talk to about this and ask them if they would be willing to sit down with you each day and have a "staring contest". lol Well, kinda. You sit directly across from this person, and look into their eyes WITHOUT looking away for 5-15 minutes. While you are looking in their eyes, put your mind at ease that there is nothing to be paranoid about. Make it fun and enjoyable, train your brain to recognize social interaction as something POSITIVE, not something to be feared. Even if you look away, immediately regain eye contact and tell yourself thats its ok to break eye contact once in awhile.

    After a few days of sitting in silence, try holding a conversation with them without breaking the eye contact. Practicing listening to them instead of thinking too much. Ultimately that is what we do to ourselves to worsen our condition. Do what works for you until you feel comfortable. Knowing that you can trust this person not to judge you will help to eliminate the fear. Also keep in mind that this is only to be practiced with someone who understands why you are not breaking eye contact (basically, don't do it without their consent). In a normal social setting, it's perfectly acceptable to only look someone in the eye occasionally. People who never break eye contact are over achievers in my mind and make me very uncomfortable. lol.

    I am lucky enough to have my husband to console about this. He's the only one that I have ever shared it with. Never mentioned it to my counselor but I would recommend a counselor to anyone who doesn't have someone they can trust. There are some in churches and schools that are free. Look online too. My insurance covers mine. If anything, try using a camera or mirror until you find someone to tell.

    Talking to someone about it is very embarrassing, i know, but being alone in this is unhealthy. Maybe ask someone on here that shares the same condition to do it through skype or w/e....They definitely could help and wont judge!!

    My counselor said it takes 90 days of consistent new thoughts to re train your brain and about 3-4 weeks to retrain muscles. So if you do this exercise daily (at least try to) and also keep a journal of positive thinking (each morning or before going to bed, write down positive thoughts about yourself and what you've been blessed with) you will see a difference. Pray that God will help you overcome this! Stay positive.

    if you have trouble staying positive, an excellent book to read is "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. She is a FANTASTIC author and it's her #1 seller.

    I have made tremendous strides!! and I have accepted this as something i will probably struggle with from time to time...like an alcoholic or someone with bipolar disease. It should comfort you knowing you are not alone. It's much easier to walk through something when you know you aren't alone. I am determined and confident that this...thing...will not keep me down. I strongly believe God has asked me to endure this for a reason. As with any other trial a person must endure, we will be stronger because of it. A quote from joyce meyer that has given me strength and hope is:

    "Courage is not the absence of fear, it's action in the presence of it".

    Each time you face your fear and speak to someone (regardless of what happens during the conversation) you are living proof of true courage. Let that be your inspiration and hope. Continue seeking advice and help from others. You are not a freak!!! I used to say that to myself constantly. It's not true!! You are perfect in God's eyes and he loves you! and that is all that matters!

    Good luck and God bless.

  • Fellow sufferer

    Thanks Little Miss, every positive story helps.

  • yamesophi

    this problem started when i was 16. i believe it is because i was very thin female who did not ever develope. i was molested by males and a female. so as i got older all of this sunk in and i didnt have the mental help or tools as a child to deal with all that had happened to me. as a african american female being thin is as bad as being obese. i also developed seizures at 8 and i think my self esteem just really got worse when i realized how bad having this illness could be for me socially more jokes which was embarassing and hurtful. as i got older i was still under weight and i never grew out of my seizures which i was told i would. so it just got worse. i have an issue with worrying and now im 37 it has become a horrible stress on my life i cant keep a job i dont have as many friends as i did when i was young though ive never had an issue making friends but i dont have but 2 close friends now both male. i cant keep a man too insecure and afraid. ive never been married and i dont have children and at this time in my life i dont believe i ever will. i hold my breath and i hyperventilate even when im next to people i love i cant hold them or have people touch me for too long i go off the deep end on the inside. i dont mind being by myself but im from a big family and use to having many people around me and i feel like dying often. i know thats not the way so i suffer everyday not knowing how to end this cycle os self destruction. im not a bad looking women and i would like to b married someday but i cant enter into a relationship with anybody if im still living my life as a child. but it just seems so unfair i never had a chance. so if anyone has any suggestion i would really appreciate it.

  • hope

    Hi little Miss that was very helpful.

    I always thought abt that but I've no courage to share it with any body (to tell it)!!. How ever I will do my best to find one.

    Thank you for your care and honesty.

    For those who have negative thoughts....as suicidal please don't !! It's better to find the way of god by reading ,asking, searching..ext.... I mean we were not created for no reason!!. so, we are not free to harm our self by our self like terminating our life by our own hands. NO!! IMAGIN the world how it would be if that is the case!!!

    Instead, plese look for help but not suicide...try to delete that word from the dictionary of your brain !!!

    thank you

  • buon

    I am glad I am not alone, I don't know what to do to get rid of it. My condition's getting worse and worse. If anybody know any tips, what to do to get better plz email me nhinhi076@yahoo.com

    Thanks

  • yamesophi

    i just want to say good luck to the sufferers of this condition through yet another holiday season where you have to try to make through dealing with friends and family. i also ask others to wish me the same. my conditin is so far gone that i am at a lost but i still have family and friends thankfully who want to spend time with me. i really do from the bottom my heart wish everyone a wonderful holiday and many blessings to come. keep pressing forward as hard as the journey maybe. just remember which im so blessed to know is that im not alone in this and i shouldnt be so hard on my self im a human being and thats the long and the short of it. take care HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

  • Ras

    I've been to four therapists and finally found someone who specialises in ocd in London who could help me. The key to finding help is finding someone that specialises in ocd and therefore understands the dynamics behind this issue.

    The key thing that I have learnt about this issue is that the battle you have should not be with your eye gaze. As an ocd sufferer I have come to the conclusion, with help from books I have read and my therapy, that I have a recurring intrusive thought which is "if I look at someone's privates I will be thought of as a pervert, sexual predator or gay". This thought started when I was caught looking down a co workers top. As a result I felt very upset, worried more about where I looked, over monitored my eye gaze and started avoiding certain people and avoiding looking at people by looking at the ground when I spoke to people (the latter behaviours are called "safety seeking behaviours"). These behaviours and my excessive worrying and monitoring of my eye gaze is what is ocd, the situation of looking at someones privates and being caught could happen to anyone, but for someone with ocd they worry excessively about it and feel responsible to take safety seeking behaviours to prevent it happening again. As a result the intrusive thoughts became worse and occured more often and I looked more and more at people's privates.

    The first stage of therapy began by looking at the theories of ocd with my therapist, which was also aided by reading self help books by dr david veale and dr Fred penzel. I also recorded my therapy, to listen to the sessions in the week, note the sessions up and reinforce what I learnt. The key things I learnt about ocd and eye gaze was that I had a fear of where my eye gaze rested, and my safety seeking behaviours and avoidance of people was making the issue worse. The battle therefore had to be with overcoming my fear of where my eye gaze rested and not getting attached to the thought that if I look at people's privates thy will think I am gay or a pervert. A happy by product of overcoming this fear is that you look less and most of the time now not at all at people's privates. When my eyes do rest on privates I am less worried or upset and therefore feel much happier with my life.

    To really home down on this view of the problem we came up with two theories of what my issue is. Theory 1: I look at people's privates and people think I am some sick pervert, sexual predator or gay. Theory 2: I worry excessively about looking at people's privates and what it means therefore my eye gaze is attracted to peoples private areas. We analysed events that happened to me and I learnt that theory 2 was true. My therapist told me I should live by theory 2. This meant stopping avoiding people and dropping my safety seeking behaviours. Also when people gripped there shirt or looked awkward when I spoke to them I learnt in therapy that it did not necessarily mean they caught me looking at their privates and even if it did i needed to worry less about it as looking at privates is not the problem, worrying about it is!!!

    To reinforce these teachings I undertook experiments which involved purposefully looking at someone's privates and beforehand writing down what I expected to happen. Most of the time I would expect the person to look disgusted, grip their shirt even tell me to stop looking or get angry with me. In almost every case they would not notice. It's easy to do these experiments with people whose reactions you are less concerned about - eg a shop assistant, then move up to someone you do care about like a family member. I learnt that a lot of this issue was in my head and I had lost perspective before therapy.

    I then learnt about exposure response prevention (erp) and association. I learnt about the Pavlovian theory of association and behavioural therapy. The essence of this is that if you have a fear of something avoidance makes the fear worse, and exposing yourself to a fear consistently makes it less scary each time you do it. For example if you are afraid of spiders then avoiding a spider each time you see one will maintain the fear and even allow it to grow. If you spent ten minutes each day with a spider on your hand the fear would eventually reduce.

    How the above related to my issue was that I needed to spend each day and every day exposing myself to the fear of looking at privates and being caught looking at privates. My experiments helped a bit with this, but I also did sneaky looks at people's privates when people were not looking, consistently for about twenty minutes on my way to work on the train and the same on my way back. By ten days I was less worried about getting caught sneaky looking. I then created audio recording which I played on loop/repeat which had my ten worst fears on them related to looking at privates. I listened to them for thirty mins in the morning and thirty mins at night. The key is that the recordings should be scary thoughts and should make you anxious. As you are exposed to these horrid thoughts you become less anxious by about ten days.

    The repeated recordings had my thoughts recorded such as "my mother will think I am a perverted weirdo if I look at her breasts" "my boss will think I am a perverted gay sexual predator if I look at his crotch". You have to listen to about ten to fifteen of these thoughts on repeat at least once every day for thirty mins for about two weeks to see improvements.

    Finally I also learnt about mindfulness meditation. As soon as I saw myself worrying about "looking" I stop myself and let the thoughts float past me. Learning how to stop worrying is important to getting over this as well.

    In 5months I felt that I have gone a long way in overcoming my fear. I am happier and feel better. A happy by product of overcoming my fear is that I look less at people's privates, but when I do look I don't worry what people think which results in less looking.

  • No name

    My thoughts like this began in 2009/2010. At the first stage you try your best to avoid looking at people, especially males. I remember walking like an idiot, trying to avoid looking at males. At the bus, keep your head down. At the class room, don't look at the teacher, your friends might think you are gay. Couldn't make eye contact with my father, kept looking away. Got paranoid that maybe they thought that I was gay. These thoughts can go on and on but they happen at the first stage. Then one day I realized that all of these thoughts were in my head and NONE of it were true. Abosulate none. These thoughts are simply your fears and worst nightmares. If you let them control you, they will depress you and make you a shy, sad person. Any thought that upsets you is actually in your head, none of it is true. You just have to accept the thought and move on. Don't let your fears control you, don't let your fears turn into real problems. It is best to forget about it, the moment you think about it. People don't care if you look at their private parts. Ask your selves, what is the worst thing that can happe?? Will they call you gay? No. Will they think that you are gay? So what??? Life is too short, you can't just let these thoughts ruin your life. Accept them as thoughts and move on. Peace out..

  • Prof. B

    Thanks, Ras! Your comment was very helpful. Am a professor in an university in SE Asia and you cannot imagine how this has impacted my life. I feel so guilty and ashamed. Worse, there are few therapists in this part of the world who provide therapy for this issue. So, self-help and online therapy are the only recourse. Thus, I found the therapy you outlined so very useful. I plan to start on it on my own and complement it with meditation. My biggest issue was how to you do exposure and response prevention and you've provided some wonderful ideas there. The only diff in my case is that I think it's a combination of Theory 1 and 2 - as in, am sure some people know and have abandoned me as a friend for it - am sure of it. But I guess the approach as you outline is to say so what and deal with that fear. Thanks!

  • Ras

    Prof B.

    I am glad this helped. I also advise buying some self help books on OCD, I recommend Fred Penzel, David Veale and also Jonathan Grayson as good authors. Also you could consider online therapy with someone. I know Fred Penzel offers it and also other therapists on the international OCD foundation website.

    In terms of your first point on losing friends because of this, it may be the case but I am certain it is not fully true. OCD is usually carectorised by catostrophising, black and white thinking and negative filtering. Therefore, you are likely to 100% think this, discount any other reason for a friend avoiding you and also focus on the worst possible reason. I have been caught looking at peoples privates, but I dont feel it has ruined many of my relationships, as looking down could mean many things - you are shy, you are looking at their necklace, you have a nervous eye tic which means your eye shoots down for no reason, you are a guy and this happens sometimes, you are human and sometimes we notice body parts... but black and white thinking prevents us from seeing these broad potential reasons.

    Also being awkward, turning away from people, not smiling, avoiding people you think caught you looking, will definitely impact your relationships - this I have been told by all my therapists and agree with (from experience)!

    On your second point, I also believed this was a mixture of Theory 1 and Theory 2. My therapist said every OCD person who comes to see him, whether it is about contamination fears, repetitive horrid thoughts or whatever, usually say the same, or that it is not a worry/fear problem at all. The fact is, it is a worry problem. You may be looking at people inappropriately because you are so worried not to, but the root issue is still the worry and not the looking.

    For example, I have been on lots of discussion boards about people who catch coworkers, bosses or friends staring at their privates. I am quite certain that these starers won't be OCD, but probably just normal people that inadvertently stare at privates. I have also sopken to friends who have been caught looking at peoples privates, and they laugh it off. People on this chatboard do not laugh it off, it consumes us to the nth degree!!

    To drill down on this point if someone is not looking at me then I dont look, if I wear sunglasses I dont look, if everyone was blind I would not look - but when I worry about being caught, I look. The problem is worry. Also if I look back at points in my life when this was at its worst, it tended to be when I worried the most.

    Also reading other peoples posts, I read about someone who stops looking when they apologise to the person for looking. After apologising they stopped looking and proof of their black and white thinking/negative filtering the person usually did not notice. The apolgy will have secured the idea

  • Anonymous-51

    Ras I live in london and been to a couple therapist for my issue of staring while speaking, I didn't find them very useful and didn't complete the course assigned. If you let me know the details of therapist helped would really appreciat it. Thanks abbiabz@hotmail.com

  • Ras

    I would recommend booking an appointment with david veale at the priory he heads a team that deals with ocd and will recommend 1. A therapist close to you 2. Medication

  • Ras

    If you would like to chat further on therapy and if you are ever in London contact me on ocd12345@hotmail.co.uk

  • Ras

    Prof B

    to drill down further on the Theory 1/Theory 2 view of this problem and the conclusion that its a worry problem, I will look at two other examples of ocd issues. Both of which have similarities to our eye problem.

    1. Obsessions about breathing

    There are people with ocd that obsess about how they breath. It causes them distress as they worry that they are breathing irregularly and they could stop breathing. This worry is due to the fact that they focus/obsess so much on their breathing. They will be convinced however that something is wrong with their breathing given that it feels so irregular - even though this is dismissed by numerous doctors.

    An ocd therapist focused on cbt will draw up two theories of the problem just as I did on eye contact.

    Theory 1: their breathing is irregular and they have a breathing problem

    theory 2: they are obsessively worried about their breathing and over monitor their breathing which makes it feel or actually become irregular

    now the problem is Theory 2 as they have ocd. However they will question whether its theory 1 or a combination of both Theory 1 and 2- just as you did. Their confusion may arise as obsessing so much about your breathing takes away the natural function and makes it irregular. However the problem is not the irregularity of their breathing - it's solely their worry and over monitoring of their breathing. Just as I told you (prof b) the problem is not your eye gaze (even though it may fall on privates for worrying so much about not looking there), but instead it is your obsessive worrying of where your eye gaze rests.

    2. A recurring horrid intrusive thought about harming someone

    Another typical ocd issue is when someone has a recurring intrusive thought that they might harm someone close to them. They will question what the thought means and treat the thought as if its real ie that they might harm someone close to them. They will therefore avoid the person, consider handing themselves into the police or even suicide.

    If you read more about theories of psychology, ocd and intrusive thoughts you will find that every person (ocd or not) has unwanted intrusive thoughts that may be sexual or violent and these can't be controlled. They don't mean anything and typically reoccur when we get obsessively worried about them. An example is if you had a thought of a pink elephant, and that thought for arguments sake was unwannted. if you close your eyes and told yourself not to think of this thought for the next two minutes what would you think of? Probably only pink elephants! The same goes for unwanted intrusive thoughts of a violent or Sexual nature. And an intrusive thought of

  • Anonymous-52

    take a 100 dollar , step on it make it dirty , will it value change ? , take another 100 dollar keep it on a diamond table with gold settings ..will it value raise a bit high ...will the value change? .every soul has got an intrinsic value ... you can only fill your place .no other human is created like you . you are unique.so pls dont kill yourself . things will change ...but the value of a soul will never change.know your value.

    quotes taken from the message of a singer called isaac joe,india

  • Gray

    Ithink. I started having this problem for about 10 years now. I only started worrying about this recently. Because i think its getting worse. Im worried becausei dont want to loose my loved one and friendsRound me. I can tell it all in the mind. The thing of avoiding looking into peoples thing is making it worse. As i avoid too look t them the more my eyes tends to look at them. Im very sure i dont have a sexual problem. I too have a wife and a very norml and happy family. I love all the people around me. Im so deperate. I have already spoken to my wife about this recently she thinks i dont have it. I even showed you post here Ras. But we both agreed to seek aproffesional help. She loves me and she is willing to help me out. Just want to know more about this is issue. If there is more in to it that ineed to do to finally get out of this issue i would gladly appreciate it people my email is gray08j@gmail.com.. Thank you so much.

  • Ras

    This is mostly if not all in your head. Unfortunately the more you worry about it and the more you worry about what a look means or what others may think of you the worse this fear will get. You need to learn to worry less, whilst also dropping your safety seeking behaviours (avoiding people you are scared of offending, not looking down etc). Seek a specialist that is focused on ocd and also read self help books on ocd. Fred penzel has a good book and some good articles on ocd on his website which will be a useful start.

  • Ras

    Another thing to mention, I found reading other posts on this and other forums of other ocd sufferers BELIEFS that this problem caused relationships to suffer and also ruined their lives - made this issue worse. It helped me to stay off these sites during therapy until I had managed the issue. It's good you told your wife, I told my family about it (in a sensitive way) before I went into therapy, it was difficult to do this, but it helped me given they were very understanding.

  • Anonymous-53

    I have lost most of my friends because of this i also dont know what to do.

  • Ocdactionblogger

    Hi,

    I'll tell you what my therapist told me.

    I had the same obsession as you. I couldn't stop staring at people's bodies. (Young, old, male, female...hell, even cats and dogs...and especially horses!)

    I would ruminate on it for ages. What did it mean? Why was I looking, if I wasn't interested? The more I tried NOT to look, the more I DID look -- right at the parts I was trying to ignore.

    My compulsions included: ruminating avoidance of certain people avoidance of certain situations more ruminating doubting checking checking my body for any signs of arousal or excitement more doubting and more ruminating!!!

    When I finally plucked up the courage to discuss this with my therapist, we talked about it at great length. He told me that he and all of his colleagues had discussed this problem themselves, and had discovered that all of them (the staff, not the patients!) found themselves staring at colleagues' bodies regularly. He said that he and a colleague discussed it, and agreed that they would both try to STOP avoiding looking at body parts. They would let themselves carry on looking, if they noticed they already were. The result...?

    He said after a week, he and his colleague both agreed that they were noticing body parts less often. Classic case of compulsions keeping the obsessions in place!

    Finally I realized that, like most intrusive thoughts, this one is experienced by most people. But as soon as you stop avoiding, checking, doubting, ruminating, and arguing with yourself...you start having the intrusive thoughts less often, and they start to distress you much less...until you don't get distressed any more.

    Now I don't worry if I find myself looking at someone's body parts. I understand it's not important or meaningful, just like all my other thoughts.

    My therapist really helped me on this one, with his honesty!

    Take care.

  • Ras

    to drill down further on the Theory 1/Theory 2 view of this problem and the conclusion that its a worry problem, I will look at two other examples of ocd issues. Both of which have similarities to our eye problem.

    1. Obsessions about breathing

    There are people with ocd that obsess about how they breath. It causes them distress as they worry that they are breathing irregularly and they could stop breathing. This worry is due to their focus/obsess so much on their breathing. They will be convinced however that something is wrong with their breathing given that it feels so irregular - even though this is dismissed by numerous doctors.

    An ocd therapist focused on cbt will draw up two theories of the problem just as I did on eye contact.

    Theory 1: their breathing is irregular and they have a breathing problem

    theory 2: they are obsessively worried about their breathing and over monitor their breathing which makes it feel or actually become irregular

    now the problem is Theory 2 as they have ocd. However they will question whether its theory 1 or a combination of both Theory 1 and 2. Their confusion may arise as obsessing so much about your breathing takes away the natural function and makes it irregular. However the root problem is not the irregularity of their breathing - it's solely their worry and over monitoring of their breathing. Just as the root problem is not your eye gaze (even though it may fall on privates for worrying so much about not looking there), but instead it is your obsessive worrying of where your eye gaze rests.

    2. A recurring horrid intrusive thought about harming someone

    Another typical ocd issue is when someone has a recurring intrusive thought that they might harm someone close to them. They will question what the thought means and treat the thought as if its real ie that they might harm someone close to them. They will therefore avoid the person, consider handing themselves into the police or even suicide. These reactions to the thought are what I previously termed "safety seeking behaviours" or compulsions.

    If you read more about theories of psychology, ocd and intrusive thoughts you will find that every person (ocd or not) has unwanted intrusive thoughts that may be sexual or violent and these can't be controlled. They don't mean anything and typically reoccur when we get obsessively worried about them. An example of how worry amplifies intrusive thoughts is if you had an unwanted intrusive thought of a pink elephant (for arguments sake) and that thought was unwanted. if you close your eyes and told yourself not to think of this thought for the next two minutes what would you think of? Probably only pink elephants! The same goes for unwanted intrusive thoughts of a violent or Sexual nature (including the thought of noticing or being caught noticing privates). To reduce the thoughts repetition and your attachment to them you have to accept them, and not worry about them or try to stop them. Furthermore, intrusive thoughts are amplified by safety seeking behaviours, ie the ways we react to thought in treating it as real. In this example avoiding people we think we might harm, questioning what the thought means and ruminating on the reasons for having the thought are the "compulsions" or safety seeking behaviours which are maintaining the issue. In parallel for us it's the avoidance of people who we are worried about looking at inappropriately and the looking away during conversations to avoid looking at privates and the obsession on maintaining eye contact and the rumination which are the safety seeking behaviours or "compulsions" that maintain this problem.

    If a person with the recurring intrusive thought of hurting someone went to an ocd specialist they would draw up two theories of the problem.

    Theory 1: you have repetitive thoughts of harming people as you are a psychopath that could kill someone.

    Theory 2: you excessively worry about the intrusive thought of killing someone,

    The problem is theory 2 in accordance with schools of thought on ocd. The person may have more of these thoughts than most non ocd people do, but this is because they excessively worry about the thought and react to the thought with safety seeking behaviours. By worrying less about the thought and CONSISTENTLY living without using their safety seeking behaviours the obsessional thought will diminish. The same is true for us! Stop worrying what looking means (it's meaningless, not going to kill or harm anyone and its meaning has been exaggerated in your mind) and CONSISTENTLY drop your safety seeking behaviours and over time (nine months for me) it will get a way lot better. You can't get rid of a thought just as you can't prevent yourself from ever stopping looking at privates, but that is not the problem - the problem is the worry which leads to the intrusions occurring frequently!

    I would like to say that dropping the safety seeking behaviours and erp is scary and difficult, but with the help of my therapist and with my will to overcome this, I was able to do it.

  • Iam Here

    Wow. I hope everyone just keeps posting because we are building each other's strength just by talking. I to have faced this problem in my life over the last few months. Im married with a child and I am as good a person as you can meet. I was in a public setting one time and all of a sudden while looking at the presenter I noticed there private area and others right across from me were staring at me.....THAT WAS ALL IT TOOK. It just gradually got worst and worst I quit my job and stopped keeping company because of it and I really wish it would go away because it is so tormenting. My wife has helped me to go through some self help cbt books and Ive learned to retrain the way I think. Now I realize the only thing I have to do now is remove the importance off of what I see and just not feel guilty about it. The question is, how on earth do you do that? If anyone has any ideas please comment below. WE MUST START AN ONLINE GROUP LIKE THE PREVIOUS COMMENTER SAID!!!!

  • Cured!

    It is amazing how many people have suffered or are still suffering of the same problem -staring at other people's private body parts. I remember when it happened the very first time. I felt so embarrassed, but the worst is when I stare at my sister, my mother-in law and my sister-in law. I am a friendly person, but this situation has made me more like a kind a private person. I have suffered for ten years because of this, but after have reading all these comments today, I felt a relief. I went to pick up my daughter to school, and I tried not to worry about my staring issue, and it worked!! I noticed that I didn't stare as usual. I think I have to relax a lot more, but I think I got it. Before reading all these post I was so worry about staring at others people private parts, and yes it's true, the more that you worry, the more it happens. So, I'm just going to relax before going to school, work or a family reunion. YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE!

  • adam

    finding this sight has given me the greatest relief, Ive felt towards myself in some time. I thought there was something wrong with me, that perhaps I was gay subconceousely or perverted, even went to the extremes in thought of thinking perhaps I was sexually molested as a child and that my eyes averting to peoples private parts was a due to that. Every experience from friends, co-workers, staff meetings, old , male female..etc that people have written about I have experienced and anguished over. In reading everyones accounts and challenges I have never felt so connected to a group of people in my life. I live in Los Angeles, and would love to get to know some people with this problem. Is there a community support group any one knows about in? Thank you everyone, for without your courage I would never have been able to speak to it, beliving this was my perverted problem only. Thx

  • prince

    hi guyz. obviously this problem is more of the mind and what you think. i used to let it get the hold of me and it made me feel miserable. but now i decided i have had enough of it. so now whenever i converse i just stare no matter how hard it is i stare and the results have been fairly good. i believe with time and faith it would subside. i am PULLING THROUGH.........

  • Anonymous-54

    It's a real confidence builder to know that there are other people out there with the same challenges. I have seen a thearpist for about two years. Although I still have some bad days, I always remind myself that what happened in the past does not determine what I can do now and tomorrow. Here is what has worked for me:

    Noticing boobs and groins on purpose. Because we actually all do this anyway, it's just that you and I panic when we've noticed, we noticed!

    When I panic, I look at the person more and more. If that person isn't there anymore, I find someone else. For me, it tells my fear that I am not afraid.

    Let the thoughts pass. Its okay to have thoughts, whatever they may be. Accept them and let them gently go. I find that if I fight the thoughts, then I get worked up. That's my biggest realisation...the more you fight..the more effort goes into reinforcing that you are afraid.

    My psychologists talked about the anxiety in terms of "schemas" (or mindsets). Meaning that, we have several schemas. So notice when you are in the schema you don't want to be (that self doubt one...that tells you that you are a weirdo...and how catestrophic it will be when people find out...I mean how riduculous is it that we actually believe those thoughts??) anyway I remind myself that there is a better schema to switch to.

    Its certainly not easy...but knowing how many people there are out there with the same thoughts certainly does give me confidence.

    All the best, and as I said, please let me know if anyone has overcome this longterm. I have had many successes along the way, so I know there is an end somewhere.

  • Anonymous-55

    I started staring at people's private 7years ago. I have no idea what caused it, but I find my self staring at my mother, my father, siblings, friends, coworkers, classmates, instructors. One thing I notice is that I don't stare while people look some where else but, the moment I have eye contact my eyes go some where like boobs, genatal area.

    It is the most imbarasing thing I've ever expereinced in my life. One time my land lord checked his zipper shockingly, my classmates and others covers there chest as I look and get scared and very nervous. It makes me feel like ending my own life. That is how much it hurts.

    At this point I feel as if every one think I'm crazy. The truth is I am very deciplined who has respect for my self as well as every one els.

    I don't have a comunication, sexual, mental problem. But this sichuation is throwing my life away as couldn't keep up working this any more it take so mach energy. I pray day and night to find an answer what is wrong with me???

    Today is the first time I felt reliefed knowing I am not alone. And willing to practice all the tips I just read.

    Thank you all and good luck!!!

  • Anonymous-56

    Hi

    I have been facing the same problem since past 6 yrs now. It has affected my life so much that going to meet my best friend or my parents has become painful. Every hour I ponder over it trying to come up with ways to conquer it. But the minute I look up to talk to someone my eyes fly to their private parts...not even the face first. Im exhausted. I dream of a life where i have many frends and I make interesting witty conversations with everyone because i know im smart but its all a dream. I have lost all my courage now..

    There are a few things that I have noticed

    My eyes dont look straight in general...this has happened over time...I noticed this while looking at a few pictures of mine. While others wld be looking straight in the camera..for me the camera would be in my vision but not my focus. When I realised this I started putting more strain on my upper eyelids and eyeball. It does work but only for a couple of minutes since my mind will remind me of my problem again.

    There are good days and bad days. I was doing yoga for a week and I realised it later that during that time I was more relaxed and happy in general ...and was actually successful at keeping eye contact with others longer. Then I stopped cause of being lazy and again the constant nagging at the back of my head started.

    I have weak eyesight and still dont wear glasses...that also is a problem.

    I dont know if i have ocd or not...but yes i admit i have black or white thinking to an extent.

    I tend to think a lot abt everything. And I think I know everyone around me very well.

    I stop looking wen the other person is not looking.

    I know everyone tells you to stop worrying about it but how??????? the more I tell my brain to stop the more it thinks abt it.

    I also noticed that when I was drunk (parties) my problem was better.

    Any suggesstions are welcome.

    I am going to do yoga from tomorrow no matter what.

  • kfdsjfsdjfsd

    last week i just ended up with this issue. but now i will not care. let people belive what they want. they want to cover their tops. do so. make fun of me. do so. but i dont care ..

  • Beth

    I couldn't stop staring at genitals when I was 17 in high school. It was definitely noticable. I did it for hours. I was a social leper. I've been a recluse now for 12 years. I can't even sit by my dad

  • Anonymous-57

    I want to change my thinking. I truly believe there is a certain level of comfort/confidence that can be attained with other people. People get made fun of for all sorts of reasons but because this one hits at our most basic selves - our sexual identity, it makes it more difficult to be understood. But digging in and riding it out is my ultimate choice. I really thought about suicide today but it may be because my klonopin has run out and i need a refill, lol. Anyways best wishes to you all and dont believe the bad stuff from other people. Even if you want to burn the world up sometimes because of their stupidity.

  • Anonymous-57

    I have these fears of eye contact and looking at breasts and penis along with being called gay or a weirdo. But i have always had things easy in my life and wonder if it has to do with my level of laziness. I want friends, kinda. And a significant other of the opposite sex but I dont want to burden these people that I have never met. But I know that I also dont really want to put in the work it takes to achieve these social norms. Just wondering if anyone has ever really put themselves out there and really gave it their all to be with people, no matter the pain experienced?

  • Tim

    From a bad sexual experience and a guilty conscience I developed this anxiety where I am hypersensitive to eye contact and body parts. I pray it will get better.

  • Pink_23

    It started to me last april of 2010. At first, I don't give so much attention of it..Until it became worst and worst. The problem is, I keep staring at people's chest specially when they wear dress that exposes their cleavage. As if my eyes are attracted to that part and I can't control my eye movement. But just this week, I found some friends whom I'm comfortable with. We do business together, and even if i keep staring at their chest, they don't mind. Now, Im getting better. My relationship with other people is getting better. Before, I dont go outside my room to associate with people. I also came into a point where I dont look at people's eyes anymore. But now, I care less, because I know deep inside me that Im not that kind of person. My advice is, try to find people who can understand you and will never feel awkward being with u even if you are like that. Find people whom u can feel u r belong. Pray a lot.. Godbless. If you want more advice, here's my e-mail acinorev_21@yahoo.com

  • Anonymous-58

    Do you think a hypnotist can help me? If one gets amnesia can this problem go away??

  • Ravi Kumar

    I am really fed up with this, God help me. I have only problem with women, i cannot make eye contact with women/girls. My goes down looking at their chest, waist and cleavage portion. It started with female colleagues, then my friends wife, later situation got worst, when i started staring at my sister and mom as well. I am feeling so bad, when i look at my mom, my eyes goes to chest portion, even though i try not to. I am struggling with this situation from past 7 years. And it became worst from past 7 days when it started with my mom. Can some please help me... please please... i dont want to happen this with to me. I love all my friends, colleagues ,mom and sister. Why it is happening to me.....

  • Santhosh

    Hi All,

    I am very happy, because today i came to know that i am not the only person having this problem, Now I can share my feelings so that i can reduce my sadness.

    Initially I was not having this problem, This problem started because one female, still I remember, in my previous company there was a female she used to work with me, while working she was not covering her chest completely and it was disturbing me. I tried to avoid many times and I left the company itself. From that time this problem started.

    I have two problems,

    1. While talking with women/girls my eyes goes down looking at their chest and shoulder.

    2. While talking with men then my eyes looks their mouth/teeth.

    I tried to avoid many times but still I can’t, I can manage with male it will not make much difference, but while talking with females it will be more problem, I feel shame myself that why my eyes goes down.

    Initially I was very TALKATIVE but because of this problem I stop talking with most of my friends and colleagues even I stop saying hi or bye etc.

    NOW I AM FEELING ALONE IN MY LIFE

    Please someone help me with this how can I avoid and what is the solution for this problem.

    Email ID: santhosh.msh@gmail.com

  • AR London

    I too am suffering with this, finding this site in september 2012 really made me realise that I am not alone but that this is a real problem.

    The staring at womens breasts and mens crotches has really taken hold, esp now that I worry more. It also led to fears that I am gay which really consumed me. The staring thing is worse at work.

    I told my wife everything and this helped a lot.

    I went to see my GP and got referred to my local IAPT service. if you live in the UK you can get access and its free.

    My thereapist is amazing I can really talk with her about it. I've accepeted that I am suffering with OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder which is a very common anxiety disorder. I am having cognitive behavioural therapy and it is gradually helping. Th eproblem isnt over but I already feel happier and more clear headed.

    guys do not be passive and just live with it. Avoidance from social situations will make he problem worse. Seek help, tell at least one loved one, or a helpline, or therapist. Someone.

    I would advise seeking professional help. And I mean professional. A qualified doctor/therapist. THe standard treatment for OCD is cognitive behavioral therapy.

    I thank everyone on this forum. This was he start but the journey goes on. Be strong and get help now.

    good luck and lots of love.

  • AR London

    further to my last post. This book is excellent. Dont worry if it doesnt mention our eye issue. As Raj explains in an earlier post we have OCD and it manifests in different ways. You will need proffesional help to undertsand your OCD.

    "Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" David Veale and Rob Willson

  • Anonymous-59

    I hate my life and I hate myself because of this.what a sad existence,always tense and anxious.today I really felt like standing in front of a car.i can't see a way out of this .i feel locked in a dark room with no light .i've broken down so many times.

  • A Harper

    I am a 26 year old man, living in London.

    About 5 years ago, when I was still at university, I was at a house party where one of my friends pointed out how this girl we knew was wearing a really low cut top and how great her boobs looked. I told him I hadn't noticed (because I genuinely hadn't) and so I was advised by my mate and the group of friends immediately surrounding us to 'check them out'. So, on my next trip to the toilet, I took a cheeky glance as I was walking past her I didn't think she had noticed anything, and that was that.

    A couple of days later I ran into another friend who had also gone to the same party, but was not privy to that conversation. He jokingly pointed out how this girl had told him (and I imagine other people in our group of friends) that I had been staring at her breasts at the party. He said she wasn't offended but had found it funny,and so did he and everyone else. I slightly panicked as I was convinced no one had seen me do this, and from then on I started doubting whether I was/wasn't actually staring at breasts when talking to women and gradually got more and more paranoid about it.

    5 years on, and I don't talk to any of those guys or many of my old friends for that matter. I went travelling after uni (in an attempt to get over this) and when I came back managed to get a fairly decent people-facing job, but as I am constantly in 'flight mode' (as opposed to 'fight mode'), avoiding social situations I have gotten worse and become slightly reclusive.

    I have picked up all the other traits people have been mentioning in their posts staring at (or thinking that I am staring at) men's crotches, people's facial moles, receding hairlines, Sikhs' turbans, Muslims' hijabs, etc. Eye contact with strangers or even people I respect like my managers is the most uncomfortable thing ever. The manager on my current project has noticed something and looks at my colleague when he is addressing me during our daily meetings.

    I used to be an incredibly confident (even arrogant) outgoing fun loving guy. I remember I was even secretly proud of the fact that unlike many other guys I knew, I didn't take sneaky peaks down women's tops when they weren't looking. Now I am a shadow of my former self. A friend at uni who didn't have any social skills and as a result no mates and always tagged along with us, who I practically took under my wing and brought into the group because (at the time) I felt sorry for him has learnt all my tricks and lives a full fun social life. I have to ask him if I could on occasion tag along with his mates these days. My standard of living is not what it was. I subconsciously blame myself for this I know I shouldn't.

    I hate the fact that I have to have had a few drinks in order to socialise with girls, and at times men the fact that I look forward to going somewhere sunny on holiday because I know I can wear my dark sunglasses and feel normal for a bit. I'm tired of living this way, in the shadows.

    So I have made a decision, inspired by a line I heard in some crap movie some time ago: "this sh*t life, we must chuck some things. We must chuck them.... in this sh*t life."

    I've started going to the gym this year. Am losing weight, eating healthier, trying to make new friends, signed up for music lessons, trying to focus on what people are saying as opposed to my perception of their body language. I am going to fix this thing. I will rise again from the ashes. I don't want to live, if I have to live the rest of my life in fear, with my head down when I'm in lifts or corridors.

    So I have a proposal for anyone who is in the UK, in particular those of you who live in London. Let's meet up and start our own support group. This is the only place you are guaranteed not to be judged. Even your therapist (for those of you who have therapists) will not be able to fully relate to your problem. But I can we can. It will also be a good opportunity for you to practice keeping eye contact and we can give each other feedback on whether our eyes wandered elsewhere or not. I promise I will not get offended if anyone stared at my crotch! I would also like to encourage both men and women to come along as I think this problem is normally a lot worse with the opposite sex.


    Take charge of your life.

    My email address is "we.will.overcome.this@gmail.com"

  • stressed problem

    Hi

    Just wanted to add that I also suffer from this annoying form of OCD!!!

    I am a women in my thirties and have been suffering for years, but I could control it until I had my second child 3 yrs ago, I suffered from post natal depression, began to separate myself from family and friends avoid situation...etc

    It didn't help that the contraceptive pill I was taking messed with my Hormones and caused a range of problems including anixety and my partner was very controlling...

    I hate the situation I am in and if I could do anything to stop it I would, The comments on here are very interesting and I am going to try to forget about thinking and obsessing over it too much but its easier said than done.

    I feel as though its taking over my life I feel trapped in my head and can't get out, I am a very outgoing person who is clever kind, and usually very socailble.

    I stare at family, friends, strangers, anyone because as soon as they look at me all I can think is don't look, don't look!! I'm not weird, i'm one of the most outgoing, easygoing person on the planet and I wouldn't want to upset anyone.

    This started when I was 19!!! its such a waste of life when you know how much you can achieve and have fun if I didn't have this problem.

    A mixture of this and other things led me to give up my job and thats not fair, I feel angry towards this situation now, I'm stronger than this.. But I just can't help it, Its like my Brain is stopping me being me!!

    Moving forward I am going to try and lose weight and exercise more and throw myself into social situations regardless of what people think because the more confident I become the more I beat this awful situation i'm in.

    Good luck to all of you, Im so happy iim not alone and it would be great for this to be more recognised and more help availible, My theory is we are all strong minded and we can all get through this just got to stay strong and positive and surround yourself with postive things/people.

    I cried when I read this forum though relief, please keep it going to help others

  • Dahlia

    I've been hunting the internet for something about this topic. But, how do you google something like this without being inundated with a bunch of perverse sites? So relieved this site isn't one of those.

    There has been a lot of trauma in my life. So, later in life, if a guy sat a certain way, and I was interacting with him one-on-one, I'd sense a threat, and look. That only happened a few times, but it mortified me.

    This current issue is just as troubling and happening more often. I don't stare, but glance, with no forethought. But, I'm mortified as if I had pulled up a chair and stared for 1/2 hour.

    I think I know what triggered this episode. A man I interact with had his soldier out and I couldn't help but notice. The setting seemed inappropriate. But, I've read online that some men have little control over this(?). Anyway, in an attempt to not notice this again, my behavior has been rather bizarre around him. Even the other day, I caught myself glancing, as if I was waiting for some marching band to emerge. Oh my gosh! And I've caught myself glancing at other's body parts!!!

    I figure along with my past trauma, there must be some PTSD, because I'm on high-alert 24/7. And it seems this other stuff is OCD.

    It's a relief to know I'm not the only person on planet earth with this issue. Today, I was so tempted to drive my car into speeding traffic, because I see this affecting my life, relationships, and potentially affecting my ability to earn a living. But, again, like one person wrote above, we can make a lot of assumptions about the people around us, assuming the worse is going to happen.

    I don't know if I'll try the staring thing... it might work, but what if it doesn't? I can tell people,

  • Anonymous-60

    Been there also. Same story, started early, shame humiliation, doctors, meds. the cognitive behavioral worksheets helped. The meds not so much, Side effect were not fun. I just spent 10 years with it almost completly gone, then a devastating thing happened in my life and it was back. But I went to a web site that talked about how to make proper eye contact. Now when I look at people I think about what I should do instead of what I should not do. For instance you do not have to be looking at a person when speaking to them, just take quick glances to make sure they are listening. However when being spoken to, look towards there face perhaps somewhere above the eyes. You can let your gaze blur slghtly, it gives your face a softer look. After 4 or 5 seconds look downward or off to the side. then return your gaze so that they know that youare listening. I believe all people deal with this to a degree we just freak out about it. I hope that this is a help to you. God Bless!

  • The pursuit of Happyness

    Hello,

    My story began when I was in 7th grade I remember staring and masterbating obsessively at catelogs that contained any model wearing lingerie. I had an English teacher and a Science teacher both female that I fixated on during class. I objectified everyone and everything to the point where I became immune to sudtle and direct remarks about my behavior. The problem didnt expose itself until my early to mid twenties but the roots were had over 12 years of maturity due to the fact that seeking visual stimulation to masterbate became the only means for this behavior. I'm religious, spiritual, and have tried several pyschologists but have established a new relationship with a psychiatrists who I felt comfortable enough to share just exactly what my intrusive thought were. To give you a backdrop I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder I'm tilted toward the mania so much of my thought pattern is due to hypervigilence. Nonetheless, I wouldn't say stare because that would be an overstatement but I have an awareness of anyone and everyones sexual/reproductive organs. I can look someone in the eye and through my peripheral vision see 3-4 individuals crotches particuliarly males. Females, it appears that I have a detached sense of rapport where I hear them but fail to listen all the while subtely noticing their breasts.

    Fear, anxiety, panic, nervousness, worry, rumination, are all aspects that are very real to my everyday struggle. The problem persists in spite of who I may be speaking to whether it be family, friends, or new acquantances. The most evil aspect is bearing your soul into the eyes of another human being while this is taking place knowing consciously or subconsciously (i.e.bad vibes) that they are full aware of what is taking place. I will not lie nor fool myself when seeing everyone I speak w/ use self protective measures while having a conversation with me. The most common barriers is people placing are flat out covering their breasts while speaking w/ me or for men crossing legs, shifting legs or using desks, cubicles, to protect themselves from being scritinized by my gaze.

    I believe (right or wrong) that the secretive pornography and masterbation during adolescense to this very day has finally manifested itself into what we call an illness. The disease started a long time ago.

    I've read over 25 self help books ranging from neoroplasticity, acceptance theory, CBT, CT, confidence courses from Dale Carnegie books such as: The Confidence Course, Emotional Freedom, Power of Positive Thinking, Awaken the Giant Within, Winning Body Language, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, Behaviorism, Communicative speaking and listening, The Brain Manual and the list could go on and on.

    The battle we face is not a physical one it is a spiritual one. To a greater or smaller extent most people beliefs neither true or false as to what constitutes spiritual warfare. Our condition has its particuliarly uncomfortable and shameful associations but our pain is no different than the pain manifested by an alcoholic. Its out there! Our battle is to live despite despair, despite anger, despite shame and guilt and fear.

    Is there a cure? Absolutely, dedicate every fiber of your soul to live courageously. End our battles with pornography, masterbation, and objectification of our fellow human beings. The weeds will die and allow the seed of life to flourish until one day we are never held captive to bearing your soul. The journey we walk is a spiritual one don't take it for granted. Brace yourself with knowledge, understanding, and forgiveness. Let the light of your soul brighten the world around you.

    As I struggle forward, I struggle proactively acknowledging that the human condition is naturally suited to belong and feel connected with our fellow human beings. Protect your eyes, gaurd them not to stray, and keep hope that we are never where we want to be it just so happens it is where we need to be. I this condition gives everyone an opportunity to grow as a person and an individual within a community of many who suffer in other ways.

    Sincerely

    16 year hostage/crusader

  • Sean Singh

    Thank God i found this site, been alone in this, its so very painful. How do i tell my manager what i am going thru. I think i have made my boss's boss uncomfortable in a social situation, He even sent an email to us reminding us of Employee handbook Sexual harrassment, after this incident. I am not sure if i should talk to him about this situation. I need to add though i have been taling zoloft since 2000. It has helped me with my maniac depressive and I don't think i had OCD. but now staring at body parts is ruining my life. Any one want to form a support group my email is bittatamber@yahoo.com. Thanks family of fellow sufferes

  • Rajesh

    Hi, My name is Rajesh, 25, born and raised in Nepal. My problem started when I was 18. One of my male friends used to stare at the breast of every girl he sees. At that time, I never even liked looking at the breast. I am straight, and like girls but never used to stare at female breast or a*s. I just loved girls with beautiful face. I think I copied the habit of my friends. The first week was awesome. I used to stare at the breast of all females, from the window of the bus, in the market, in shops everywhere. However, After the first week I realised that I couldn't help stop staring at breast. I felt so bad when I couldnt stop starting at my relatives, sisters, mothers etc. From then, I have tried to stop myself from looking at breast, however, no luck. My normal attraction towards female would urge me to look at breast, how much I try to control.

    Years past by, I started to be more and more alone,a trying to avoid girls. I would even get scared when I see a girl like 100 meters away that she would think of me as a pervert or something. I was very depressed for the last 6 years. The problem began even worse when I even started looking at male organs, I don't know how I learned that habit but it made my life worse. Virtually, I could not be around with girls or boys. I used to live in my room with my laptop almost everyday. I became a complete anti-social person. I was a happy, friendly, always smiling person before, but now, I was never smiling when I see people, I was scared, and always trying to run away from or ignore people. I wish that nobody talked to me at work, because it would make both myself and another person uncomfortable. I was thinking that there is no way out, no hope to be normal again. I haven't seen my family for years, I currently live in USA, I am too scared to meet them and face the consequence, I can imagine what they will think about me.

    However, about a year ago, I found online that there are many people like us, and the problem is a type of OCD. Boy, I was happy. I assumed OCD to be a normal disease like fever and when you take medicine everything will be okay. Alas, that was not the case. I went to see the psychiatrist, psychologist, they gave me a lot of inspiration and hope. I was 90% better after talking to the psychologist. I started taking medicine, anti-depressant, which would make me happy all the time, no thinking, overthinking about he same problem. However, as soon as I stop the medicine I would be back to normal, along with the side effects of the medicine. Thus I stopped the medicine, trust me, it might help you to start with, but long term use has more side effects than good efffects.

    Let me explain about my current situation. I still have OCD, I still stare at female breast/male organs. But, I am not sad anymore, not scared anymore, now realise that everything is in my head, it is not as bad as I think it is. The more you worry, the more you will look. I make my mind busy almost all the time, never let the brain think about looking at breast or its consequence for a long time. When we always think and worry about our problems, it will help our brain remember it for a longer time. All we want is our brain is to forget about it, the only way is to stop telling the same thing to the brain. It will take time, but our brain will finally forget everything. I just go to shopping malls, gym, around in public places, yes, i still stare at people, but I have found a way around to decrease my fear and anxiety. I do not stare or look at the same person for a long time to make them uncomfortable, Just glance here and there. I do not look down, and try to avoid people, because the more I try to avoid people, the more my anxiety increases, the more scared and uncomfortable I will be. Trust me so many times, I had wanted to kill myself, I thought that there is no way out, but now I realise that everything is inside our head, it is nowhere as scary as we make it feel. We are good person, we know that, we should stop thinking about what others will think.

    The fight is between we and our mind, we have to fight against our own mind, how much fear, pain and worry it tries to cause us, we have to ignore it. Overall, we are the master of our own minds, let we control our minds, not our mind controlling us. So, let's remove all the fear and anxiety, and face it up, do not worry about the consequence, do not worry about what people think, it doesn't matter. Yes, it is both a learned bad habit along with the anxiety disorder which caused the fear, uncertainity within us. The compulsion is not the problem, the obsession is. When we fight against our mind and try to calm ourself down, think that everything is okay, just that our mind is ill, and we can make it better. Let us put our head up, forget about the consequence, and be brave to face the situation, remember, forget about whatever people will think, try to be brave, try to be around people, do not let your mind chase you away. The compulsion will decrease a lot, and to remove it completely, we need to find a way to unlearn the habit, which I am still consulting my psychologist for. But, before you could focus on changing the habit, you should be comfortable with people around you, there should be no fear inside you, just fight it, just be brave, whatever happens, whatever people do, whatever people say, do not worry about it, face your fear, be around people, everything will be alright.

  • Anonymous-60

    I wish to add to my previous comment. When "it" came back again. I decided not to go through this alone. As a Christian I am not really alone. I find great strenth in the Holy Bible, God, and my husband. Who is totally aware of this. But I decided to even confide in a couple of close and trusted friends, not all the details, just that in the past I have suffered anxiety around people. I asked them to say a prayer for me and give me a hug if I seemed anxious around them. You know what? They opened up about there own anxieties. I also asked my hubby a question. When around a person that I felt quite a lot of anxiety , I asked my hubby. On a scale of 1 to 10, how anxious did I apear there? He said a 2. I also have a co- worker who I have had some good conversations with. We were talking about anxiety in our lives. So I asked her how anxcious do I apear to you? She said "not at all." "I consider you my friend." Well I said "cool" and felt great relief. I know that I have gotten very scared around her, yet she had not noticed at all. I just want to encourage all of us. Hang in there. Don't suffer alone. Find a kind and good person to share your burden with. And for me God and the Bible are extremely helpful. He loves us flaws and all!

  • Ram

    First of all I am really thankful to finally be here where there are so many people who understand what it is to go through the same pain, anguish and torment that I undergo.

    This started just about an year back when my teacher adjusted her bra strap and covered it when I was looking at her face. It kept happening again and again. And finally I began to understand she was doing it because of me. After that many of my female friends and women I meet seem to do the same thing. I began to see that I was subconsciously looking at their chest or shoulders.They use to completely cover their chest and shoulders while talking to me.

    Its an everyday struggle for me. I am currently working and there are lots of women there. I cant seem to concentrate on work as I am sure all the women would have noticed my

  • yamesophi

    i havent posted since last year. i had someone contact me from the forum but i got the impression after awhile that the person thought i was gay. when i restated like i did in my first post that i wasnt i got little to know contact from the person. it hurt because i was truely excited about sharing my journey with a fellow suffurer. at anyrate got keep it moving. im having alot of horrible experiences. ive started meditation and listening to the teachings of buddist monk pema chodren. im not a buddist but her teachings for me are on point in dealing with life and general by number one not blaming yourself for evry little and big thing. majority of the time it has nothing to do with you personally but ego can make you believe everything is about you good or bad and if you already are a worrier it just makes it worse. ive had such an unpleasant life being made fun and molested that it has become an extremely difficult task to get past my problem and this issue with the breathing irregularly. my body feels like it is breaking down when i feel all these odd emotions at once i just dont know what to do. i do however and havent stopped is going out from time to time being around my family though its painful but i refuse to become what 1 of my 2 friends calls being the cat lady basically the person that lives alone for whatever reason and collects strays or shops online and turns into a horder neglecting onself. well thats why i volunteer at my local library and am trying to volunteer doing other things but my problem is so bad that the volunteer coordinator gives me work from time to time but usual tells me shes had someone else do alot and looks at me as too say you really think im going to let you work around me and my staff. now mind you ive worked in more than one library system and have a great deal of experience and i know theres always something that needs to be done which admitted to when i applied so i know its because of my issue. i know many people are posting that you dont loose jobs and relationships well its not true if someone notices and is truely uncomfortable which i cant blame them in some cases not all it can jepordize your job and social life and as ive learned since i was a little girl people are nasty first many times not carring. now if they find out later down the line your struggling they may be sympathetic but usually its nastiness first ask questions later. anyway i went to the library today to check out videos and some books and the volunteer coodinator was working the desk i got here attention and said hey tried to make small talk about a volunteer appreciation event that attended and it was such a struggle not just with the starring but i get tounge tied and my thoughts go all over the place but it was so painful i could tell she saw it because she looked at me as if to say gosh something is so off with her how said and like a dumbing i asked if she need any help and like always she said i had someone come in yesturday and he did alot so im good and foolishly i added if you need me call and she said ok like whatever but i tried it hurt bad and i felt defeated as always but i sat down after i checked out my items told myself not to blame myself and cruel to myself i took deep breaths though i was hyperventilating and said to myself at least you tried and you can try again and i made note of the fact that i didnt stare at the breast of the women who actually checked out my books so i gave myself props for that though my heart was hurting badly and i wanted to cry. i get so lonely often now im hurting alot. i cant afford therapy so im really trying to put my best foot forward though im failing alot but i know that this didnt happen over night it was years in the making and its not going to go away over night though i truely wish it would. i would like to have a relationship with a man never had a problem getting a boyfriend except in high school but other tha that ive done ok with getting a boyfriend but who wants to be with a person you cant take to see your family or friends. i just hope i dont die hating myself life and others because of this ive always been kind and loving and have always had a large group of friends and familyround me i feel like my life has been a waste and im not progressing. i need serious help i just am tired of this sh@@ i hate it it is killing me. i hope other posters more success than im having. take care evrybody and i wish you strength courage and luck.

  • yamesophi

    i re read my previous post and it had plenty of errors and my thoughts were every where which is what happens when im extremely stressed out. thats pretty much how i speak when one of my episodes takes hold. at any rate i really had a rough day and i was venting which was a tid bit more important to me than my grammer. i just wanted to get that negative energy off my chest. again i whish every sufferer strength love and luck.

  • william

    do not fear....praise god every day trust in him...he will deliver u completely & set u free...read bible every day trust in him..intercede with mother mary....u will see the victory.

  • Anonymous-61

    I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has shared their issues. I too have suffered from this for quite a few years and have been so embaressed that I've been come a very anti-social person. That is not me. But I've been controled by the fears that I'm subconciously a pervert or something.

    Today I seriously thought about suicide. After deciding to live I began searching the internet for antianxiety meds or other ways to help.

    I finally broke down and searched for my exact problem. Looking at other womens breasts when talking to them, realizing what I'm doing, seeing them adjust their cloths and then freaking out about what they must think about me. That search lead me to this website.

    I'm sure I have a long way to go, but just knowning I'm not alone and not a total freak has really made me feel better.

  • victor

    wow I thought I was the only one!! This is has completely ruined my life. I was always dating girls etc..but for some reason, it started back in 1999.. I started looking at guys priviate parts and girls breast and priviates.. I dont undersand it.. Because of this, many many people think im gay..and others think im some pervert for looking at womans breast.. I cant control it..after reading this post, it seems its OCD...im not theonly one!! Does anyone know how to cure this ? why this occurs.? If anyone is in the northeast area of the U.S. let me know. lets start a support group.

  • Anonymous-62

    I was 27 when it first started. I was working a full time job and a part time job. My wife at the time was loosing her mom to cancer and her dad was starting to have alzheime's. At 29 Eventully my problem took its took toll. I came home one night in January and broke down to my wife that my job of 9 years and alot of people i respected and called friends where calling me a "fa**ot" behind my back. They'd even make comments to me and openly talked about it when I was around anyone. I had never felt so weak and unmasculate. She eventually started cheating on me with old boyfriend and told me I was insecure with myself. That same year we divorced.

  • Beth

    Female 35, full time work (stressful job) mother of two, married with basically no Sex Life but happy otherwise. I do this too!!!! People notice and it is horrible. People I know notice this and I am sure they has discussed this without me around. I mean. It's. obvious. I am not taking anything for anxiety. When I do this. My thoughts are not sexual it just happens and I HATE it. I just want to stay home all the time to avoid this. But I work so that's not an option. Does an anxiety medication help with this? Is it anxiety or OCD? Or what? I just want to be normal :(

  • Jack Gritt

    I thought I was the only one. This is destroying my life. Eyes drawn to sex organs or birth defects, physical flaws. Uncontrollable. As though someone else has control of where my eyes look. I had to quit my job 7 years ago because of this. After my savings ran out I spent 2 years living on the street. I have been living with a relative for the last 4 years. Cannot even go for a job interview without having a problem. This is crippling. Today, I found this website. I'm sorry all of you are having the same problem but it is also a relief to find out that others have this.

  • London

    as all of us in here i`m having the same problem,

    for the first time in many month i just had a great convo and fab eye conntact with my daughter wille reading in this forum just brilant,

    as many of us already know by now this is a form of OCD , CBT therapy will be of big help, also dont forget please that all those thoughts and images r just a mental event and mean nothing - yes it means fear , anxaity and etc to us because we try to attach a meaning to them but to a person with no OCD it will be just a another intrusive thought or image and he/she will not react to it in the way we do.

  • Anand

    Hi..I have This same problem for the past 10 years..i thought iam a only person in the world having like this problem in my Eye..one day i met phychatrist he gave some treatment with medicine it cured 80% problem..but i feard that such medicines will affect my marriage life..(it affected my sex)so stopped the medicine..now again iam having same problem..but eventhough i do meditation and yoga daily..iam not able to recover from this problem fully ..iam working as a manager iam notable to see my boss (women)directly and staffs in the office..please some one tel me to cure this problem without medicines.pls avoid sex movies and porn movies,dont think sex and dont look girls with bad eye untill this problems cures do yoga, and meditation atleast one hour..

  • Jack

    This is my second bout with this affliction. I don't know if this offers any hope, but I did have this once before and it went away. It was very odd, it started all at once, I had it for six months, and then it ended as quickly as it started. I think the reason it went away was due to a general reduction in anxiety. Maybe the solution is to focus on reducing anxiety, not the actual problem itself - I wonder?

  • Anonymous-63

    Hey all. I have been on this site and reading a few of the post for a while now. I finally had the courage to share something. I have this disorder for about 4 years. This has ruin my life. But just 4 months ago I Have a job and all the managers and staff torment, harass me ,make jokes in my expense, make me feel like I have something like an infectious disease. They discrimate me even more due to this. Is there anyone here from New York? this city can be very cruel with this disorder....thanks

  • A Friend

    Its good to meet a psychologist as it would help to find the cause that why such thoughts come.

    Practising Yoga would also prove effective.

    You could search for a Yoga excercise named "shashank asana".

  • Busy like a bee

    Hi All dont worry more this will get cure god bless you all.

  • Dani

    People, I have this problem sometime and I realized something. It has nothing to do with the eye. and nothing to do with sexual thoughts whatsoever. I think it's a problem caused by low self-esteem which is caused by anxiety and feeling not being in control of your life.

    Whenever I feel positive and strong and in control of my life, I don't have this problem. I think it's really important to have good image of yourself and keep talking positive to yourself. Try it and don't beat yourelf over it.

  • Arcaica


    Dani, thank you so very much for your comments about this condition. This is actually the first time I write something. I always believe that should be possitive thoughts.

  • Healer

    Hi guys

    I had been through this prob for years but now I have really recovered and got the control over this diorder. Here i give tips to come out of it.

    1) Read good books, i used to read Bible with a normal sound and you should hear what you read, each and every word.

    2)Always concentrate things with your ears, hear the sounds, when you walk on the road or street just hear the sounds and look around.

    3)When you talk to a person or when you listen to someone concentrate them with your ears, always try to avoid thinking about sex kinda things.

    4)Just stand in front of a mirror draw a private organ or put an identificational mark on it and just see your expressions of your face and eyes, take photos and get peace by seeing it, cast away the fear by knowing your expressions.

    5)Always smile when you talk, don't fear before you start a conversation or before you meet a person.

    6) Just concentrate with your ears, go to different environments and just cheat your brain that you don't have any disorder especially when you meet new people who don't know about you prob, just be casual and practise with ears and talk to them, your eyes will get patiance very soon, some times intantly.

    7) Take videos and just look at it so you may clarify by yourself.

    8) Cast the fear with understanding.... I'm saying it again

  • marygold

    Did you see a doctor or was it selftreatment ?

  • Healer

    Hi my beloved friends,

    I didn't get any idea from any specialist, but i had checked with ENT, General, and Eye specialists when this disorder was at a peak state....but no use at all, finally i myself found that it has nothing to do with our eyes as Dani said, fear and precautiouness are the major issues we face here, let me give u few tips to come out of it.

    1) Concentrate everthing with your ears. (Especially read and hear-this is very important)

    2) when you talk to the people just assume their chin or lips as their private parts and just speak frankly...keep seeing it and assume it, do it again and again finaly your brain will get fixed with that. (Practice to give wrong message and cheat your brain)

    3) When someone is sitting or suddenly standing in front of you and asking or talking about anything unexpectedly or expectedly you just don't get panic, for that you just slightly tilt you head sideways and concentrate their voice with your one side ear, they are not going to worry or suspect that you are not concentrating with all your might on their eyes....Understand and be setfree

    4) Use headset and hear any speech, i used to hear sermons, at the same time look around you and concentrate on the voice and understand it clearly.

    5) Just stand in front the mirror keep any thing like private parts at the bottom of the mirror and assume it first as whatever you want and just concentrate the voice on the headset, and then look at your eyes you will find it normal, do it repeatly never give up.

    6) Just go out from your usual sorroundings and people, just remember the ear matter, cheat ur brain that you are ok now with the new idea, see people have the understanding and be set free. Cast it out with understanding.

    7) Remember no one will notice you unless you get panic and concentrate them with your eyes, people think that you are getting frighten on seeing their eyes that's it, some will become proud and assume in themselves that their eyes are so powerful kinda ...funny!!! People are dressed when you look at them isn't it?...no big deal on watching their zib or top of any dressed body, they will not see you as a Gay or an adulturous person-please understand this first, for an intance get a kid if you get a chance and just boldly see his zib or chest without fear, you will notice that you are fearless and setfree.

    Finally! friends always keep smiling and santify your hearts.(John 8:36). Now i've become a born again believer on this process, and i want everyone here to be healed and have a joyful life. Got life, learned to Love, joined in a company after a long break, got married and my wife is pregnent right now... Grace be with you all.

  • Anonymous-64

    Ive had this problem for about 3 years, anxiety med, OCD meds and med to stop worring and checking have helped me some... so It still happens from time to time but this clears up about 75% of the Glances, peeping or checking

  • Healer

    This may happen to a person due to these kinda reasons like....Meditating the worries, fears of tommorow, adultorus thoughts and desire, any addiction like drugs or alchohol taking them with pain or anger, living in imaginations(Good or bad), desperations, sequent disoppinments...mainly these could be the cause at the begining stage...soon after when we meditate these kinda things in more abundunce it will lead to this disorder, can be caused from an incident or a person.

    1) Before you concentrate throught the ears, try your eyes with the sun, you just concentrate the sun directly with all your strength, your eyes may become watery, never mind it just wipe off and keep seeing the sun upto you could see the whole circle of it....do it again and again whenever you get the chance. then you will see patiance in your eyes then you follow those steps which i had posted. by God's grace some may get healed by doing this thing itself.

  • Blue_20

    I have the same situatio for 3 yrs now.. I am 23 yrs old and until now(at minimal times)I look at women's chest whatsoever. Whenever I am forced to talk with someone even with friends I do it mostly with people that I am not comfortable being with.

    But lately I met friends and I tried to open up about this situation that I am dealing with and I am happy because they did not judge me or anything. It's like, even if they are aware that I am staring there when I talk to them they never made me feel or remind me like there's something wrong with me. It's like "they never mind" if I do that. Until then, the compulsion of staring at chest become minimal until I can handle and live with it normally. I still do it anyway but only when my mind remind me of it. But so far, I've been better, I go out now and chat with people.

    Let me emphasize this.. What helps me with this kind of situation is.. Be with friends who can understand and accept you. Someone who can still treat you normally like you are not suffering from something difficult.. What you need is the feeling of "belongingness". Believe me, belongingness is the one that helps me. It helped me discharge all the negative thoughts. Before, I was like you guys, I keep thinking on how to avoid it but now, I almost can not remember if i still have that situation. Your friends could help. Note: when you decide to tell to friends whom you trust do not tell them like you are trying to defend yourself. Tell them for understanding and acceptance. God bless you all. If you want my email add just tell me, I can help.

  • niq

    Thank you Dani (August 13th 2013 comment) for your comment. I believe from experience that you have pin pointed the problem as well as the solution. I advice all to take Dani's advice to heart.

    Best to all

  • Engineer

    I think the main reason this happens is negative attention seeking. I have these symptoms and have noticed that a lot of other people also have this naughty look problem. We all know that these places are not right to look at but we still do it. We are wanting a reaction - good or bad- and this relates to a negative self image.

    As far as a cure, this is not easy. I try to look away when listening. I am going to try replacing this behaviour with another OCD such as counting how many eyebrow hairs someone has.

    i guess another idea would be to talk more since this problem happens more when listening. By talking, we will also be receiving positive attention. Whatever happens, don't lock yourself away otherwise the problem will get worse. This year I found the problem has lessened since my job has improved a lot. Do more, achieve more, go out more and the problem will start to receed.

  • Anonymous-65

    I faced the same problem. I went to every temple and church for six years, crying to God for help and asking why is this happening to me. I used to ask God that I have always been respectful to women but why am I facing this. This was until I read "Osho". He says that it is the society that has damaged mannkind's mind. People have been split through the middle and these basic animal instincts which are also present in mankind, have been declared sinful. Thus we start feeling guilty. We start feeling as to what the woman is thinking about this. Sub-consciously the more we try to resist the more it persists. WE ARE ALL NORMAL BEINGS. It is just that our minds were conditioned while growing up into believing that this basic primal instinct was wrong. It is not wrong. Imagine all men and women walking naked (as in historic times) on streets day in and day out. Would it have occurred to us that what we were doing was wrong? The answer is a big No. Because by and by, overtime, our mind would not have even bothered about the private parts. Go out, meet. Have a close friend who will not mind even if you look at her/his private parts. According to hindu yoga, sexual energy is the most forceful and highest degree of energy that we possess. So we need to channelise it into creative things. Let us accept our feelings, our thoughts, our emotions, our eyes, and ourselves. Let us unburden ourselves of thinking what the other may be thinking. No need of any medication. Just Accept who we are.

  • santi

    Hello to everybody,

    I have suffered this problem for the last 9 years of my life and it has been like a nightmare.

    I thought about suicide millions of times.

    Now I am more positive, after going to doctors, and meeting people in internet it looks like this problem is less important than I thought.

    I know 2 other people from spanish forums, and talking to them has been great.

    I have read great advices here in this thread, I try to apply them, I try to do normal things, talking to people, and forgetting the problem. I wont't give it importance anymore.

    Best wishes to everybody!!!!!!!!

  • Gonzalo Soler

    Hello, im Gonzalo Soler, Im from Paraguay and I have the same problem. Excuse me if i dont express myself very well in english, but ill do my best. I noticed that this problem evolved through time, and it got worst and worst. I seriously think that this is a problem that comes from low self esteem, inferiority complex, fears of many types, and irracional beliefs, generally asociated with considering yourself miserable, weak and useless. This problem is based on the belief that you dont have any kind of power, and your brain wants to show you that, by making you believe that you cant even control your own mind, and thats the best methd that your traumatized brain can create to assure that you will feel miserable and weak, because thats what how inconsciously you want to feel. And why a person would want to be miserable? And there is where the traumas take place. I invested a lot of effort on trying to find an answer to this, and i reached the conclusion that I want to feel miserable, because i grew up thinking that being less than the others will be beneficial in some way. Obviously, thats absurd, but my brain developed in that way, because of the trauma i suffered throughout my whole life. I grew up being very pasive, never wanting to make people mad and always trying to make people happy. I thought that being miserable would be pleasant to other people, and because i was obsesed with making people happy, i turn myself against me, and many disorders appeared in my mind, and one of them is the one that makes me think i cant control my eyes, and i tend lo look always to some place that would be considered inappropiate. Why we only tend look to innapropiate places? Its not a coincidence, it is because we recognize that those places are inappropiate to look at. And that is a proof of the fact that our brains programmed themselves to make us feel that we dont have control of ourselves, that we dont have power of any kind. We need to feel miserable because we think we will be safe that way. Deep inside, we dont want to be succesful and we dont want to be strong, because we think that being succesful will not be pleasant to other people, and we think that because we are so obsesed with making other people happy, that we are cappable of having those absurd ideas, that a normal person wont have. Well, at least this is what i identify in myself, and i think it is quite an accurate possibility. Even though i realized all of that, i still have the issue. Im working hard, trying to remember traumatic things that could have triggered this insane inferiority complex and need to please others. I think i will be able to go through this, and I hope this could also help you guys, maybe if you feel identified with some of the things i said.

    I know how horrible this is, and i feel so sad reading about your lifes being destryed by this. I suffered so much also, i tried to kill myself once, when i was 15, but now that im 21 i know that suicide is not the answer. Sadly i was very inmature when i was 15, and thank god my brother found me in the bed, after i drank whisky with lots of pills. He took me to the hospital and thats why im still here, fighting. Now im having problems in college. Im skipping classes because i dont want to confront anyone. Everyone in college knows im a weirdo, and i thought about suicide today, but just for a little moment, then i meditated a lot and im fine again. Tomorrow ill see my psicologyst, and i think everything is going to be ok.

    I really hope you guys find the answer to your problems, and i can tell you that it is a self esteem issue, and also a wrong way to se yoruself, what yoy need and what is good for you. Also i learned that you need to trust yourself, you need to respect yourself, and you alwyas have to be the most important thing in your life, and i say this because, in my worst times, i used to think that pleasing people was more important than my own happiness.

    Ok, good luck to everyone, and lets keep fighting.

  • Anonymous-66

    Hello Gonzalo,

    I had an idea to solve our problems. It was based on the fact that I am annoyed even if I am looking a picture and my eyes are doing what we know.

    But it is a picture and I can look, there won't be any consequence and you can look as many hours as you want. You can relax and see that nothing happens for the fact of looking.

    That maybe relaxes you, and make you feel better.

    We have only one life and feeling bad is the worst thing you can live. So let's enjoy being in front of a picture, and let your eyes do whatever they want to do, no matter how many time.

    Finally, if this works, I hope to feel fine looking normal AND looking to the sexual parts. If I achive that I will be happy another time, like when I was a kid.

    Please, tell me what you think about this kind of therapy, let´s call it phototherapy :)

    Best regards

  • Emily

    i am a female with same problems... We all suffer and We all know how it feels and we all know the details of problem, but is there any cure for it? does hypnosis help? does medicatin help better? How we can endlessly cure it? Is it possible at all?

  • Amile

    Hi all, i was just wondering if there are any other sufferers from Republic of Ireland? Midlands area, would love to meet someone with the same problem to see what it really looks like and hopefully find a solution. It would be great to befriend someone who truly understands this problem.

    I have had this problem the last two years, it is a soul destroyer and ruins lives,

    Regards......

  • Streped

    I have this same problem. I had a traumatic childhood, my father would get drunk and beat my mother and I witnessed it ( easily 100 times) I had OCD like symptoms in my early teen years, I remember my freshman year in high school not being able to look teachers in the eye and feeling really anxious about it. It seemed to fade after my freshman year. It all started to come back around 2004. It is now really bad (I am 36, male) I work in the service industry and you can imagine how miserable my life is. I have bounced from job to job because of this, it is becoming unbearable. My eyes just go downward to that area, and being that people are very, very self conscience all it takes is a millisecond and they cover up or wave their hand in front of their crotch. Sometimes I just feel like saying “can you give me a second to refocus my sight!” Yes we have this problem but people are just so defensive its annoying. They are right in what they are doing of course but its also partly of their own narcissism to be so aware of it in the first place. I think we (ocd stare people) all get that “all eyes are on me feeling” Just the other day I was in a room FULL of about 60 people for something work related, we were all seated. Some guy (who I have never come across, total stranger)was at the door in front of the room(large room), I looked down for a millisecond and he covered up with his hand, why the hell is he focused on me in the first place??? There are 60+ people in the room why are you looking at me in the first place? I barely noticed the person and looked away (downward) And he covers his crotch! Its an amazing disease we have I tell you. The other day I was on break for work on my phone outside in a HUGE city, as we do when talking on the phone outdoors we look around like many people do. I glance for a MILLISECOND at the corner of a building just then a co-worker who was also on break comes around that corner and of course he notices me and covers his crotch! I looked at the corner of this building for a millisecond and of course this person turns the corner at that precise moment! HOW?!?!? It is very strange indeed. I need to work from home but how? I have worked in restaurants my whole life, what can I do from home? Sometimes I think of things I would never do to make money from home. Like “should I find a woman and do porn from home without showing my face?” I don’t even look at porn and would hate if dudes were watching me, but what can I do from home and make a living? Seriously I have a mortgage and bills to pay, I’m going to end up homeless. I just started a new thing 4 days ago and already management is picking up on it slightly. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have read that the bacteria that causes Strep throat causes this type of tic-staring OCD. Has anyone else ever heard of this?? They say intravenous gamma-globulin therapy can help people by killing the bacteria that causes this type of OCD, but I contacted a Dr. and she said that I came into contact too long ago and that this therapy will not help. I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM LIFE. Everyone thinks I’m weird I have become a joke. It a shame because I am a really nice person, creative, hardworking, kind. NO HOPE, none. Any females going through this need to make a living doing webcam? Long shot but I need to make a living I dont fu**ing care anymore. You keep 80%, its not about money its about not ending up homeless. God help me.

  • Gonzalo Soler

    I think the only cure is to fix all of our internal issues. This problem didnt come out of nothing this is the result of traumas, fears, inferiority complex, low self esteem, phobias, etc. The only solution is to overcome your fears and other problems. If you say that you got this eye issue out of nothing, you really are not seeing the whole picture, or you really dont know how to analise your mind.

    Search in your memories, your past, about events that could have been traumatic or bad. I for example had an abussive step mother, also a very insecure mother that overprotected me (i think that it was because of her feeling guilty about the divorce), also a father that was kind of absent (i dont have childhood memories of him). A brother that treated me like garbage almost all of my life, because i had this eye problem with him, and he just hated me, and he even talked to his friends to make fun of me and call me names.

    Well, and other things happenned to me, but the point is that creating ways to "cheat" the problem is not the answer. Things like practicing with the mirror or with pictures do not fix your internal issues, and therefor do not fix the problem.

    I assure you this is an internal issue, and trying to create this methods to control your eyes will never fix the real problem. It is not about just pretending you are right, its about taking out this disorder with roots and all. It is not about just learning where to look at the correct moment, it is about healing your mind, confronting your fears and traumas.

    Once the mind is in order, you will naturally aqcuire the correct behavior, and acting the normal way is only posible if our brains learn it naturally, without pressure of any type it has to be natural, with no pretending, with no technics just your healthy mind learning with no traumas and disorders that could distort the process.

  • Sarah

    I'm so happy to find people who are suffering thee same problem . I can't remember how and why this thing started to me i was never a bad person this problem is really effecting my life I can't make eye contact with anyone even my parents , sisters i'm not really proud of myself i thought in the begining that i was the only one dealing with this issuuuue but now i know that i'm not alone and that made me feel extremely happy !! i just want to talk with someone who's like me .. I know that's thing is only in our mind but how can we get it out of there ? i believe that god can help me and i'm praying everyday for it .. i don't want to become something that i don't want to be this problem is really destroying my beautiful life

  • Anonymous-67

    hi ,i've been dealing with same thing for about two years now,how do you deal with dayto day life ?go out much? .where in ireland are you ?

  • Amile

    Hi. I am in midlands. It is very difficult to cope with this problem as it invades every thought and sabotages every conversation....strangers or family, it doesn't matter. where in Ireland are you?

  • Anonymous-68

    I M Kay From India.After viewing this blog i got some relief that i am not alone in this world who is SufFering with this trouble.i cOuldnT AbLe To Make face to face or direct eye contact with ladies.all the time when i do this ,i find my eyes slips on their breast n i couldn't able to focus on conversation That Is going through with them Or Around Us. Now situation is going from worse to worst AFter i have tried to solve this problem by practicE Focusing in front of photos n books..n bad news is that while trying focusing on these object i am loosing my focus on these things too.... psycologists failed to help me..now i think that sucide is only way

  • fellow sufferer

    Dear Kay. Please do not think suicide is the only way, it is no way just the end. We just have to accept this and work on our self confidence. Love yourself...true friends will not be bothered. Pretend you are ok. Try to enjoy life and look for the good things. My best wishes to you.

  • Anonymous-67

    yes same thing ,simple things like going to the corner store becomes a humongous task.i have to strategise my every move .when it first started i used to have suicidal thoughts like every day ,couldnt even continue college/work .do you have any other accompanying things like,depersonalisation,depression or anxiety .i get so overwhelmed by peoples attention/eye contact directed at me that i break it and look down .did it just start all of a sudden as well ? when and where dit it start ?

  • Anonymous-67

    oh and i'm located in the west of clare .do you have an email adress ?

  • Anonymous-69

    Hello Kay, you don't need to focus in anything. What you really need to do es feeling happy, don't hurt yourself, don't let this hurt yourself. Just be fine with yourself, that is the most important.

    Love yourself.

  • roscoe

    Hello. I have this thing with locking on sexual parts of other people. I'm trying inositol because I believe this to be an ocd problem. Over 20 days taking 14grams a day it has helped a bit. It is kind of expensive at about 30$ a month but it may be worth it. I still don't get out much but if this helps completely I will let the forum know. Also on paxil 20 mg it hasn't made a big difference over a year but less depression.

  • Lina

    I'm so sad because I can't understand myself anymore I have became something that I've never thought that I will be in the future I don't know when and how this idea came inside my head .. It's really destroying me and making me feeling bad about myself I just wish to go back in time when eveything was simple and when I was so normal . When they call my name I talk to them without thinking about this stupid Idea ! I can't control my eyes anymore I know that I shouldn't look down I know that isn't good to look there but I just do without knowing why !! I'm lost I just need to talk with someone of you to feel at least that i'm not alone in this world .. I really want to get this stupud idea out of my head I can't live like that I'm not this person I don't know where the real me is gone ? I can't believe how did I let a stupid idea destroying my beautiful life . I've lost concetration in my studies all I THINK ABOUT is how getting it out ! I don't know where is exactly the problem ? is it in my eyes or in my head ? because when I look straight in others eyes I feel that my eyes are weak and they need to get dow to feel better i feel like there's a magnetic force in their eyes i just don't know .. and the other problem here is that I can't confess this to anyone even if i know that almost of them haaa noticed !! I feel so embarrassed nobody can understand me except you because you're the only one who can't judge me!

  • xShad0w

    i'm 22 old and i have problem when i'm with other people i can't control my eye movement like look to people at the corner of my eye!! this problem make me crazy its start with me before 8 - 7 years ago before this i was naturally like anyone! anyone have any idea about this ?? My life is destroyed !! anyone have sloution to this please tell me !!!

  • Anonymous-70

    I don't think you're gay or weird no matter how you look at me or other people. I understand what these people are saying.

  • Anonymous-67

    If my family hadn't already lost my brother ,i would kill myself , i can't put my mother through it again,she couldnt take it.but i'm so tired,oh so tired,so alone .i wish i didnt exsist,why am i even here.

  • Anonymous-71

    Hello guys, I only wanted to share some habits that make me feel better, the important thing is doing them on a daily basis.

    1.- Make sport. At least 1hour, whatever you like cycling, running, tennis or any other sport. If it is a team sport it is better because you have more fun and don't worry about your problem, you will be too busy playing that you won't care about it.

    2.- Going to the bar to read the newspaper. I go there I talk with the waiter and read the newspaper, I take a drink and I come back home, it is refreshing.

    3.- Have contact with nature. I go to a pine tree forest I have at 5 minutes from home and I walk 20 minutes. Seeing the birds, hearing their sounds, feeling the sun in my skin etc is very nice.

    I spend a total of maybe 2 hours doing all those things and I think is worth it.

    Well guys, I hope you do it, and do it regularly, enjoy!!

  • yamesophi

    Just checkin in to see if there were an ideas on how to get rid of this ish. I last posted may of 2013 and i'm still struggling terribly. I've basiclly stop going out and i haven't had work since november of lst year. I feel like one commenter who said why am i even alive. Whats the point. This illness shuts down and away from yourself and he world. I do manage to volunteer at a book store at my local library and i recently applied for a job at that library. However, i volunteered at a another branch before volunteer where i am now i worked with others more often and i was so out of control when talking to the volunteer supervisor that i'm sure she said don't hire her. She also helps in the hiring of staff. I want to get my masters in Library Science and i would like to be working again (i've worked for more than one system) but i have such an awful stigma attached me i seriously doubt i'll ever work anytime soon. I make jewlery and sale new and used items at flea markets and thats ok but i need to do more. I'm afraid tho tats all i'll be able to do now i' soo tainted. Any way i really wish everyone success its so hard.

  • Anonymous-70

    It relaxes me to look at their eyes, look at the body part, back to eyes, back to body part. People do this to me all the time. I no longer fight the urge to not do it. The trick is to not look so scared when doing it. It helps me a lot, not fighting it so much.

  • john

    I do also suffer from the same condition as you guys for the last 7-8 years, am 26 now. Just letting you guys know of what I tried, and did not work at all.

    I tried medicines for OCD such as prozac (anafranil), and anafranil for 6 months. No, the medicines does not help at all. Yes, it will decrease you anxiety a little, you will not be as much scared in public, but the base problem still continue, you still keep on unconsciously looking at people parts.

    I also visited psychologist for almost 3 months, once every week. Yes, they will try to make you feel better by saying its normal. Its OCD, just inside your head, talk to people, avoid being alone, do not fight the urge, let it go, do not try to stop what your mind tells you to do... and so on. Yes, it makes you feel better but the base problem still continues, you will still be looking at people parts.

    On conclusion, our habits/OCD whatever you call, will not go away for the rest of our life, we have to find ways to get around it, make it look less obvious, and try to live with it. Some things I currently do are never look at people when talking, just look around them, not at people but at some other things like desk, table, or anything around. It makes me anxious when I feel that the other people might know what I am doing, think I am creepy, etc, and feel embarassed about myself. If you do not look at people when talking, these feelings decrease drastically, and you feel a much better. Just sharing my exerience, hope it helps.

  • Anonymous-70

    I have a similar affliction to many of you. But I'm on meds I seek therapy and I listen to what the docs tell me. Find some support. I accept that I may live a lonely life but I'm still happy even though life sucks sometimes. I've tried suicide was unconscious for awhile and I had a dreamlike experience of hell. It scared me enough that I'm never doing that again. I'm going to do the best I can and hope it gets better with experience. Don't commit suicide, we really don't know what is on the other side.

  • Anonymous-70

    I don't know what is wrong with me. I stare at people's body then I start crying because I am so afraid. I cry all the time if I have to talk to. Barely have I left my house in ten years. I lay in bed for days in a row. I don't eat some days. So sad I am the lowest person on earth I think.

  • david

    I too have this condition about my eyes trying to see sexual organs of other person be at male or female. This happens due to low self esteem, and guilt consciousness. Whenevr i feel good in my mind , whenevr i feel powerful about myself, whenevr i feel good about myself im able to face the person im talking to without caring much about his/her sexual parts. Avoid thinking in your mind while in conversation about whats next, whats next , live that second of your life and dont care about what u wil speak in future... think good about yourself. Do not carry any kind of guilt in your mind. Let me tel you nothing is wrong in this world, do not carry the guilt in your minds. Remember its not happening because of any problem with your body or eyes or organs, its happning because of low self esteem, low image about yourself in your mind. Nothing is wrong with you, nothing at all. You have been sent to this world to enjoy each moment of your life and then one day return to dust. Feel good about yourself and live each moment. Especialy avoid the fear of sin. God loves his creation he sent us to live this life and he says in the bible "let not anything worry you" . There is nothing right or wrong in this world. So do not cary any guilt of any form in your hearts. Feel good about your self and speak with a smile and confident heart. Live your life each moment.

  • Jane

    Reading the stories of you Great People is like looking at a mirror of my life, yet I never knew you existed until recently. The girl that says a man saw her and covered up his area. Life is so hard yet we must be going through this for some wonderful reason. Those of you that think of suicide. Our lives never end. You will simply step into another realm the same. You are here living this dreaded condition to learn. To learn that you can overcome anything, anything. I have had this condition for over 15 years. Thankfully it happened to me later in life when I had already acquired enough confidence in myself to deal with it. I am lucky enough to have a job where I can work by myself otherwise I would be like some of you. There are other jobs out there and other ways of making a living and it is a challenge to us because we are dynamic. So our eyes move, wear Dark Sunglasses.

    I try taking Olive Leaf Extract and Gingokobo it helps. If I go on starvation diets for a couple of days my eyes get better. Never Give up, you don't have cancer. So what if we don't have friends, we have each other and your stories have helped me so much. I am not ALONE, and that is all that matters. I am one of MANY, MANY, MANY, and that says it all. Try to have the best life you can with what you have been dealt. Never think of suicide. Start some type of business online, or try emailing each other. There is a facebookpage facebook.com/groups/ocdstarrring. I gave up hoping and instead found my Magnificent Life. I was once the toast of my family, now I am an embarassement. Well that's the life I have been given. I love it. Jane

  • Yahret

    I have Been dealing with this for two years now ... I thought about taking my life a few times because I did not think I could deal with it ..... I was hospitalized twice ..... In my mind I thought I was a freak or a child molester because I look at everyone's genitals ... Brothers, sisters, cousins, uncle nieces and nephews strangers ... It's frustrating medicine does help with the nerves it's easier said than done to try to stop the looking I avoid social situation ....... Family events .... With the meds at least I can go outside and not feel a need for air

  • Anonymous-70

    Don't want to jinx myself but I started taking .5mg of risperdal and 60mg of paroxetine and I'm almost 100pct better. I get my meds cheap because I have no income. It's like u see the body parts but u don't feel them making it much easier to just zoom in on the eyes. Thank God something might really be working for me.

  • Anonymous-70

    Was better for about a week but eventually fear won out and it's pretty much back to the painful eye contact it used to be.

  • Rosa

    Been suffering for 16yrs. Posted a while ago but it seems to have been deleted (along with other responses that date back to the originial letter in 2003)!

    We should focus on the anxiety that causes this, rather than the actual staring problem. The staring is only a manifestation of our anxiety (whatever that is for you). Our anxiety became so great (and possibly so ignored by us) that it had to find a way to express itself. Remember how you just tried to cope and carry on? This OCD is there to shock you, to ask you to look at the underlying anxiety - to resolve that.

    I am going to try hynotherapy to help

  • Anonymous-72

    Hi Rosa,

    I am very curious about hipnotherapy, sometimes I have thought about trying it but there are not too many specialists and I don't have money.

    Please, let us know if you feel it helps and you progress with our problem.

    Good luck with your therapy!

  • yamesophi

    Hey to everyone suffering. I posted sometime ago and i'm back up here venting again and checking for some possible success at defeating this horrible burden. I'm at my wits end really. i'm practising the meditation and i listen to the teachings of pema chodron which have helped a lot more than i thought it woud, but even with that i'm servely struggling. I need to work and i 've been out of work for a while and thats a strike against you a lot of times. I'm older and have been out of college forever it seems so combined with the later it makes for no jobsville for me. Anyway the comment Jane made was refreshing because i have always been surrounded by family and friends and now i'm an embarassment too. Though i have 2 close friends and a young lady i mentor, and they all love me so i'm blessed with that, but i know their patients has to run very thin a lot. I speak with them on the phone often and make sure they're on the up and up because they suffer with esteem and family issues too so i try to give common sense life advice which they take most of the time. I don't engage in liing about life because ive had a rough way to go, so i really encourage them to take care of their mental and emotional well being as well as physical well being because it is soooo much more important than the lies fed to us by society about who we should be and what we aren't if we don't follow the pack. Not everything in society is bad i know but we as human beings are fed a lot of fantasies from kids all the way up to adulthood. so when we "fail" then we're looked down on by others and ourselves. I'm my worst critique and it sucks gas because i stab my self way worse than anybody could because my thoughts are on a constant loop and i'm so despertely trying to get off the wheel. However my issues (not the starring) started about 4yrs of age and has continued even until this day. I avoid people (as far as socially) as much as possible so that i won't be harassed or feel that i am. At any rate its a lot of wonderful advice up here i feel a little relieved yet its the getting up and getting out there which is the problem. I wish i could take this site every where i go and hold my screen directly infront of me when talking to people, but that would be awkward too. Take care keep posting because we really are muscle power for one another to carry on without killing ourselves. Today is a prime example i was extremely angry made worst by nasty neighbors which adds to my stress. However i came up here and i'm breathing better and i have a slight smile on my face. Im still scared of what will happened but i am greatful for the peace i get from knowing i'm not suffering completely alone (now that would be really painful). Thanks again, my love to all who are suffering :-).

  • akki

    hi i am having this problem from last 10 years and i am from india and tired of living alone. i am releaved by watching these comment that i am not alone with this problem. I think the gentleman fom UK is right infact i am trying to meet the persons with this problem from many years to help each other. i would love to talk to everyone but love to interact. so please step forward and start talking on cell phones and whts app or any social site. believe me there is no fast solution so talk to each other to fight this problem all together.

  • Philip Cook

    Hi All,

    I have suffered this condition 20years and there is only one solution and that is to express yourself. I have no choice of moving or runing away any more so I have to face this condition. So basically express who you are and how you feel. Never hold back

  • Arcaica

    Hi Guys, Arcaica

    Do not even think of giving up. I have suffered this condition for over 21 years. I do nothing but pray and exercise (walk at the park). We are what we are for a reason.

    This condition has made me stronger and wiser in everything I do once there is not room for mistakes and I know that I should not need from any one around me, except my wife, and my two sons.

    Guys, take this opportunity for being better than others at whatever you all do or work. Use the time alone to improve your skills, practice, look for on line how to get better or improve your skills, while you do this the main point is you forget a bit about the staring and focus on skills. This will pay off quickly. This is what I have been doing for those 20 long years keeping my job. Please create the need of you at work, sport, and family. Remember take this opportunity to be better and while doing it forget about this unnecessary condition.

    I am a male elementary school teacher and my colleagues as soon as they see me they fake cough and the worse of all most students do it too, primarily those in my classrooms. What I have done, during my time alone, to overcome this on my campus is improving my Math teaching skills to become the effective teacher that I am now. I am the one with the best 4th and 5th grade passing scores with STAAR testing, at the district looks for me to prepare those students who did not pass this Math STAAR test. Many of these colleagues want to team teaching with me (it is incredible?, isn’t it )

    Thanks to this loneliness I became what I am now. The above does not resolve the staring problem, but make it more manageable and at same time you keep your job in spite of facts of the staring. Likewise, I sure that you all are not teachers, but you have something you all do for leaving and that the target to work on. God bless you guys and keep on going.

  • Anonymous-73

    First of all, Arcaica, thanks for your comment it looks like a good idea, and it is very nice to see that you have a family, a wife, sons and a job, that is really encouraging to me because I don't have anything of that. Good job!

    ----

    Philip Cook

    Hi Philip, so I see you decided to explain others this problem, it would be interesting if you tell us what happened after that, how they reacted, and how it affeted your relationship with others. Thanks!

    -----

    I just read about Tourette syndrome and I wonder if this problem is a Tourette one, Would that change the way we try to solve it?

    Best wishes to everybody

  • Anonymous-70

    Tells yourself you're not afraid of these body parts. They will never hurt you.

  • Anonymous-74

    I just wanted to say that I haven't seen anyone post a comment in a while so I figured I would post want to make sure that thread is continuing to go on I am a 29 year old black male and I have been suffering from this for about 9 years or so it's very debilitating and it does mess with your relationshipbut all you can do is try your best I'm finding out how I got to this point so hopefully I can reverse this process is hard when thats all your eyes are focus on some time was like wth just stop itthis is a new thread guys please let's keep it going on we need to start some kind of club or something this s*** is f***** up

  • Mdsiddeq

    Hi, Even I am facing the same problem, I hope meditation can help us on this....please let me know if you get to know the solution about this..thanks

  • Serena

    Has anyone ever been told they have this problem? Because my husband says i am fine and normal and too hard on myself. If anything i look away too much. It is normal to look at privates EVERYONE does it. They just dont punish themselves when they do. Is it possible that we assume people are mad at us for this but it is just in our heads? Look on purpose and quit punishing ourselves. Everyone i ask says i am fine no staring problem its all in my head. I challenge you all to ask someone in your life about it. I have gone to psychologist for a year and been diagnosed bipolar ll

  • Anonymous-75

    Hi All,

    After reading this post i am bit relieved because till now i was thinking that I am too bad, why do i do like that. Is this behaviour came to us because of our previous mistakes or worries? please suggest what we can do to overcome this issue, it is really making my life miserable as I can't talk to my sisters, mother, etc eye to eye. Please sugget

  • Anonymous-76

    I've been having this issue for over ten years. It started from very mild to now being a problem for my life.

    I can't look people in the eyes without glancing at guy's crotch or lady's chest especially those who show their cleavage. It is destroying my social life. Thank goodness, I'm able to make a living by working at home.

    People's reaction is making the whole thing worse every single day. Guys think I'm checking them out. Women feel either offended or I'm also checking them out. At work setting this creates a lot of misunderstanding and repercussions. Something Im using that as a way to get good feedback. Some will think i'm interested in going out with them. When I run away, they get really confused.

    This is really torture. I don't know when I will have a breakdown. By the way, anyone here from Toronto, want to conmmiserate?

  • Anonymous-77

    Arcaica,

    (we are not weird, weird it is what we have to deal with )

    I am absolutely sure that must of you guys are honorable people even way better humans than all others that look at our eyes and immediately believe they know us completely. I strongly believe that they are hiding theirs wrong doings with us. What they do is to redirect everybody’s attention to us so they can be freed of everybody else’s judgments. However, what they are does not change immediately when we(sufferers) show up.

    We are not in an easy situation once each time we interact with others, they want to be above us (humans nature) and with this we are giving them that opportunity. Likewise, what we(sufferers) need to keep in mind is we are normal, we are humans, we are regular males, regular females, fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, friends, professionals, colleagues, sons, daughters, who need to live as everybody else. Please we cannot be fighting everywhere we show up, but do not make it easier to others. Head up, do not show any sign of fear, and ignore their intent to see you scared. When we do this less people support this behavior and they progressively decrease these actions. Everybody else’s support is what makes them powerful and believe they achieve their goals. All of these require mental preparation and the good news we just need to put that information in our minds constantly as a phone number (know it by heart).

    While we do the above recommendations, we can also work hard to become better at whatever we do. Time along best opportunity to practice, rehearse, and learn skills that later will help us to address the world we live in. Being good or the best at whatever we do, does not eliminate the harassments it helps to get rid of collateral problems caused directly by the way we look at people. Consequently, exercise as much as you can, drink a lot of water, and read God bless you guys.

  • Peader

    I have the opinion that my similar disorder began after several close truamatic events that occurred to me during my teenage years and maybe earlier. For the past 30 years this condition has dictated how I have lived my life from when I have awoken in the morning until I have rested my head on the pillow at the end of each day. This emotional and mental disorder affected my life so much that at one period in my life on a daily basis I had wished to gouged my eyes out. This medical condition has also dictated my employment prospects in fact I have left employments because of this condition even employments that I have once enjoyed doing. It has even been so influencial that I once became a master at acting out safety behaviours, on a daily basis. These safety behaviours would include lying to loved ones, and friends, to explain my deliberate isolation, from society which in turn would then lead me onto depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts and then finally alcohol addiction.

    Then mercifully, 10 years ago with the help and thanks of fellow AA members as I am now totally sober 10 years I was able to get honest about this very serious health problem. This would then to go on to encourage me to talk about this health issue to my doctor and subsequent therapist. This was then the beginning of my relative recovery, in connection to this condition.

    Do I still have my disorder? Unfortunately the answer to this question is yes, however today it does not have the power that I once gave it. Furthermore I find that most trusted folk and even relatives come to a sympathetic understanding once I have explained this condition to them. This condition is a very serious illness just like any other, as it seriously affects those that have been unfortunately afflicted by it. Moreover, though once this illness has been explained to folk then I have even encountered greater understanding. And its funny those that I have explained this condition to, I can look at them in a normal fashion. I have also learnt that to hide this problem will not solve it. In fact it will only worsen your quality of life and lead to other health maladies. The answer to our collective disorder is talking about it, firstly with maybe trusted health professionals then family members. I am grateful that I have found this forum as I have always beleived that I was unique in my suffering of this serious illness. Hopefully, we can all help each other, and one thing to remember is that we are not freaks or voyeurs, of some kind we merely have a very serious soul destroying illness, that began as a snowball in our anxious thought processes then became an avalanche that will kill us if we allow it. Feck that! Be strong Be Brave and remember we all deserve a better life if we can be honest. God Bless fellow sufferers, of this serious illness and please also remember in my also humble opinion that this medical condition is not your fault! While their is also no room for blame as this will not help any-ones recovery.

    A suggestion only a great way to begin to explain your illness, is to show a trusted family or friends this web-page so that they can get an understanding which seems to be sadly either ignored or dismissed in the greater media and maybe medical world while I also now suspect that their are a lot more folk out there that have this soul destroying illness.

  • Allwillbewell

    I feel very sad to read all this..I dont think taking meds for anxiety is good idea for this.

    I guess that this is eye muscles problem which controls the movement of eye.because i have seen people who have different abilities to control movement of their eyes.So its unfortunate for us that our ability to control movement is worst.So i would say better move to good eye doctors and tell them the issues.Also meditation can help.

    Please comment .

  • guardian003

    Hey everyone. Just would like to say that Ive had this disease for about 5 years. It started in high school but Im not sure how it exactly. Because of this I have now dropped out of university. I am a recluse. I mostly go out only at night. I think about suicide frequently. I have tried to kill myself twice. Im a total recluse. Even some of my family members talk shit about me. I've been stalked by neighbors/strangers. I live on a small town in California and any time I go out I am called a fag. My life is a misery. I pray to God that it will get better. Im seeing a psychiatrist and a social worker (social worker understands me and helps me to cope with it. Im a male and it happens mostly with males. Now I have so many intrusive thoughts and sometimes blurt out my intrusive thoughts. I know deep down that I am straight but everyone else think the opposite. Why cant God just take me away? Please guys keep posting- you all represent the hope for the solution. I guess we truly are not alone. Would love to talk about this. You can email me if you like. Please dont give up-if you don't, I won't. God Bless
    -JCO

  • Anonymous-78

    This looking down problem all started at a party I had at home. A big bad macho bloke made a pass at my girlfriend and my best mate and started to torment me about the size of my penis. His penis was substantially larger. After that one time of looking down things were never the same, I was constantly feeling threatened by other males, even children. It was like that because one I was at home when it happened, and two, the cocky cocky bloke cracked on to my GF and my best mate. So here is the end of it

    he was bigger. there's nothing I can do about that.
    I can only accept that we come in different shapes and sizes.
    It doesn't stop me from being legendary and a top bloke.
    And I finally admit it.
    And if my gf wants to gawk at it infront of me then she is not worth it either.

    So yeah, in the end, I just wanted to admit. He was bigger. And thats the end.

  • suffer

    Glad to hear I'm not the only one not.

  • IT

    sunshine, i am from the toronto area. i have the same issue described.

  • Anonymous-79

    Hi Guardian003,

    10 years suffering this issue, I am now 30 years old, I just wanted to tell you WE WILL NEVER GIVE UP.

    I plan to live 80 years at least. My grandfather was forced to work when he was 9 years old, he was sheepherder until 20 and he suffered a lot of hunger. Also his father was a violent person and hit him sometimes.

    At the age of 20 a civil war started, in Spain, and he was forced to fight for 3 years, he was close to death sometimes... and he lived until 79.

    If he was able to survive to such extreme circumstances I think I, and we, have to do the same. We have to survive, no matter which problems we find in our lifes.

    Good luck!

  • Anonymous-80

    i cannot watch tv and somebody sit beside me myy eyes cannot focus on the tv

    i cannot look to anybody in the eyes my eyes take a different path

    iam tired from this

    afraid to meet people and never make a job interview

    i have an MBA

    workind a pizza delivery not contact my family long time ago

    add to this scare to answer phones

    tried psychiatry and medication self help book they work for short time

    i tested my eyes nothing wrong with them

    i would like to achieve great things in life but i cannot make a simple conversation and eye contact

    is it a devil like hunting me and i need somebody to remove

    any suggestions

    i need to make and prepare myself a lot to make simple eye contact like talk positive and be still

    any help please

  • guardian003

    Thanks for the words...they mean a lot to me. We must not give up.

  • Doesn't matter

    I been suffering from this a decade now.. brothers and sisters this is pure OCD and anxiety case. You have OCD(obsession Compulsive Disorder) which mean you cannot switch from one thougt to another. You mind stuck. Then you get anxiety that whats people gonna think about you...

    I studied books, went to therapist(didn't matter much) and took meds and prayed. I would say combinition of this works.

    I been known as mental case, gay, pervert or whatever you can imagine.. but now its all changed... as my thinking process changed...

    Dont make big deal of it.. we think too much and loose connection from reality. People dont pay much attention...

    I am going to delete this link from my bookmark, I dont know maybe after 4 or 5 years...

    Good luck to everyone...

  • Me

    Had this problem for more than 15 yrs. I've been wearing sunglasses a lot lately, which is a great help when dealing with the people I briefly encounter each day. Have decided will have to give a heads up (no pun intended) to those I will be interacting with on a regular basis, e.g. something like, "hey, I've got an OCD issue with eye contact, which might make you feel uncomfortable sometimes, but just want to let you know I don't mean anything by it, but it's something I can't control." We'll see how that works.

    To those of you feeling sorry for yourselves or even contemplating suicide, "Man up!" It's been in our cards to deal with this thing for a reason. Hold your heads high, stay positive, and quit worrying so much what other people think. It's your world!!

  • Peter

    Firstly I'd like to say how glad I am to have found this forum. A lot of the people here have it worse than me, but I think I might be able to contribute somehow. I have this problem in a mild way, but that is still enough to have cost me one job so far. And a lot of friendships. I get the problem more with women, and it generally occurs when I have more respect for that person. I want that person to be a friend, and the fear of losing that relationship brings on the problem. I look down, and then finding myself looking back up to the persons eyes apologetically. A lot of women in the past must have thought I was a pervert, and I know they did talk behind my back. I was hoping they might challenge me directly about it so that I could explain. I could say that if they took their top off I would run a mile. It's true too - I'm really squeamish about bodies! Now I have a new job, but it is coming to be a problem... I think if I hadn't this problem I could have been offered opportunities within the company, but that isn't to be. I'm thinking of just starting my own company, but I don't want to be a recluse. I'm sure that this is a complex, and the treatment lies firstly in not getting so worried about it. (Sometimes I think maybe smoking a joint might help!) Also, there is the issue of the fear, and also being overly concerned about what people think about you. All this seems to tie into self confidence and esteem too. I suppose many problems we have are linked, so it's the whole person that needs curing. So in my case I'm going to start with stuff like reading good books, doing wholesome activities and meditation. When I speak to someone I'm going to focus more on what they say and try not to think about my worries. One practice I did once learn was breathing meditation. Here I learned to treat a thought as a passing cloud. To watch the thought come and go. I wonder if itiis possible to observe fear and then let it pass...? Maybe you need to be more accomplished to achieve that. I'm hoping to start up meditation too...

  • Peter

    I forgot to mention something:

    I think that if we all had a meeting somewhere, (not suggesting it) we would probably not have this problem. Since we all understand each other there would be no fear, and we'd probably all start giggling...!

  • Texas

    Editor's Note: Email addresses/Skype names are removed from comments. MentalHelp.net is not an official community/support group site and we do not publish contact information in comments for security/protection reasons.

    I am glad I ran accross this. I was feeling very alone for a while. Meaning I thought I was the only one with this disorder. It is quite embarrassing looking at another persons genitails and not their eyes... including looking at your parents.

    Everyone thinks I'm possibly gay... but I'm not. Even when I think I focus on someone's eyes... they think I am looking at their genetials. Its really has caused me great social anxiety.

    I think I this problem has become worse every year and started about 10-15 years ago. Could have started as I worked at home more frequently and less time interacting with other people.

    Would be nice to get a support group going.

    If you are interested please look me up on skype user: ****. I would gladly like to meet weekly, monthly..etc to discuss tips, tricks we can do to try to mask or fix this issue. Would be great if we could get a success story.

  • Matt88

    I have the same problem that you all are writing about but because I do it so nonchalantly I don't think the person I am talking to notices.

    However, a new "problem" that has cropped up in the past few years is when someone speaks to me using profanity or other sexual words in their sentences, my eyes will dart/glance away from that person but then just as quickly as I had looked away I will resume eye to eye contact with them. This happens in a quick second. Faster than lightning! It's like my brain can predict the person's next word and my eyes will quickly look away and then refocus back to that person. Know what I'm saying? It's ruining me.

  • zues

    Hi All,

    I always thought of myself as the only one with this problem. I might have it a little bit lesser than some of the people in this forum.

    I just wanted to share my experience with all of you.

    In my case it never happens when I speak to my wife ...NEVER.

    it only happens with colleagues, friends etc.

    i came to the conclusion that it happens because i fear what they might think of me ( friends, colleagues etc.) .

    This fear is never present when i speak to my wife.

    I feel the solution is.

    1) primarily live your life for you loved ones and your self. ONLY...not for anyone else ..And dont give a damn to what any one thinks .

    2) the more you think about it ..the worse it gets.

    3) maybe meditation can help ( i will try it myself )

    Zues.

  • Anonymous-81

    Hi guys,

    Recently technology has advanced and it is possible to track eye movements, I was wondering if people using that technology could help us in some way, What do you think?

    http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0018506X07000116

    Kim Wallen and Heather Rupp maybe are able to help.

    Another example:

    http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-009-9523-5

    Anybody lives close to those guys? Should we explain them our issue?

    Barnaby J. Dixson, Gina M. Grimshaw, Wayne L. Linklater, Alan F. Dixson

    I don't know folks, it is just an idea.

    Best wishes to everybody!!!!

  • guardian003

    Hey Texas, just was wondering what's your skype name, there are several that come with the same name...would like to join your group

  • Ruby

    I have asked all my close friends, family members, doctors and my counsellor's and everytime I ask them they say I dont look at people inappropriately at all and its normal to glance at people private once in a while its no big deal, its just that we are very hard on ourself and make an issue of it, its lovely to have it finally confirm!! thank for sharing everyone!! stay strong, peace.

  • Texas

    Editor's Note: Email addresses/Skype names are removed from comments. MentalHelp.net is not an official community/support group site and we do not publish contact information in comments for security/protection reasons.

    My SKYPE ID is *****. I created email. You can email to contact me.

    *****

    Update. I had my first conversation with a person on this forum today and it was great. Just having a new online friend that you know understand this issue make you feel less alone.

    Anyways, I think I made great progress after today's conversation. I have been trying to focus on people's eye brow after reading a different online site. But after talking to my new freind, this was a very bad idea. Because it is not natural and I was always thinking about the problem, the tactic actually made the issue worse. He told me to focus on the environment. Like if you are in a kitchen, think about getting cups, food or whatever it is your doing.

    I went and tried this at the grocery store today and I feel ten times better. Before I would go to grocery store and practice on every single person that walked by..by looking at their eye brow. So over the years, i constant thought about it.

    The objective should be slowly think about it less and less. So today when I went to the grocery store, I focused on the signs, foods, ailse...totally ignoring poeple all together. This was much healthier. When I came face to face with someone, focused on the area behind them and befriefly at their eyes when I needed to chat.

    This was much easier than focusing on someone's eye brow all day.

    All of us did not develope this problem overnight.. there is no majic pill to get out. We are creatures of habit. We need to do the little things to slowly get out of the habit and it will be come natural where we do not think about it anymore.

    Anyways.. you can send emial anytime. I'll try to be responsive.

  • Texas

    Peter, I think its a great idea to meet in person, like a weekend conference in Vegas or something.

    I'm trying to find more folks in the USA with this problem to get a good support group going.

    Please email me if anyone is interested.

    Editor's Note: Email addresses/Skype names are removed from comments. MentalHelp.net is not an official community/support group site and we do not publish contact information in comments for security/protection reasons.

  • Anonymous-82

    first I just want to say thank everyone for posting and that it takes a lot of courage to admit something like this I would have never thought in a million years that my mind will be playing tricks on me the way you do itthis is something that's very hard to deal with and I hope everyone can get over it. well I found myself in a bind I have been talking with this girl for months now and now we are boyfriend and girlfriend I think she's just noticing my problem she is cool with it so far but I don't know if she knows the full extent of it I was very worried and found myself very anxious lately and I really really like her a lot. I wish I could figure out where I started going will go back in time and just fix it this thing is really stopping my full potential in life and hindering me at this point I just really want to be normal and be happy sorry to rain on and on but I use this site as an outlet sorry about the run on sentence I'm using my voice text option on my phone lol I live in Miami Florida by the way and I would really like to meet up with some of you guys well if anyone is interested let me know

  • Texas

    I think I made some progress recently.

    Before I would always look at peoples eyebrowse. I think this has made my problem worse as it is unnatural. Based on peoples response to my talking to them, they still feel unconfortable talking to me.

    A couple of days ago I tried this... I started focusing on the walls in front of me. Then today, as I was driving, I created a virtual square in front of me perpendicular to the ground.

    Why this helps. Its about point of reference. When I started to create a virtual square, I focus on the center. I realized after I did this how much I drop my head and eyes. It was easy to keep both up but imagining a virtual square.

    Now when I talk to people, I focus on the wall behind them or create a virtual square in my head. I will generally look around them half the time and make eye contact the other half. This helps me alot from dropping my head too long which creates a staring problem at the persons private parts.

    This too is not natural. But its much easier to do than look at a persons eyebrowse. My goal is to continue this and eventually I dont have to think about it any more. Then my eyes and head look up (level) all the time.

    I hope this trick helps you guys.

  • Texas

    It would be nice to get a shrink to give this thing a name and study folks with the disorder. I think it is not common, but the disorder exist.

    Someone needs to study this more.

    I would call it.. "Private Parts Eye Staring Disorder".

  • Anonymous-83

    Have had this issue for 9 years now.. But at this point in my life it is getting worse and I don't really see how I can function normally in life. I did originally only have this issue with women I.e eyes would tick to look at chest area if noticeable - horrifying! Especially as it happens with family members. Unfortunately it is the case now for any feature that stands out on a person, for example a large mole, anything! The worst thing is that I believe I am a really kind, sensitive person and the only reason my eyes are doing this is because im so self conscious of it and don't want to look, and it makes me feel so guilty. The worst thing is that after reading this forum a few months ago, I read that people do this with men, which at the time I didntunderstand as it isnt something that is obvious when making eye contact with someone. However now, after thinking to myself I must never do that, it is on my mind and it has started happening at work.. Is ridiculous.

    I wish there was a way of erasing this memory from your mind, like almost forgetting you ever had the problem. Is there anyone here from the uk? I live in Yorkshire, I'm seeking medical help next week as it it's really getting me down, my boyfriend doesn't take it seriously, which to be honest is starting to cause issues in our relationship. Worst thing is that we're currently arranging a wedding aboard, I dont know why I ever thought this would be a good idea with my problem, I'm actually dreading it and don't know how I'm going to deal with the week, apart from constantly wearing sunglasses :/ used to be a confident fun loving person who loved to travel and meet people, I fear this illness is probably now going to turn ne into a recluse..

  • your friend

    Hi.. I had been suffering it for past 2 years. But now my eyes do not tend to move towards sexual parts of others(male or female). I am feeling fine now. "My fellow sufferer from UK as u said that originally you had this with other women, but now after reading the post u got to know that people do it with men too, and as you now know that some people tend to do it to men too, its starting to effect you.

    Dear friend I would say that the "men condition you mentioned" is not true for you.. You just read it and you are concerned that this condition may not effect you.. This is not true for you. Every person suffering from this thing have different reasons and causes why they developed it.

    You are a different person and you have a different life.

    This moving eye problem happens because of low self regard, giving over respect to people(respect is good, but do not feel low about yourself while talking to them) worrying about things, being too conscious of what others will think of us. Just remember others are not thinking anything about us, its we who think that others are thinking but its not true at al. They are busy thinking about there own life , anytime of the day, rather than thinking about us.

    Just ask yourself why you want to do this- you don't have to do that- its of no use..

    You have read it in the post that people tend to do it to men as well, doesn't mean that it is true for you as well. And you do not have to do it, as its not true for you.

    Do not try to resist yourself that I will not do it I will not do it.. Just remember you do not have to do this.

  • your friend

    and do not try to restrict your eyes from moving.. Do not restrict them, be comfortable and see the person. No need to be much conscious about eye moment.

  • livinghell

    Hi guys,i have this same problem. when i feel like this i will start to concentrate my whole body(head to feet 1by1).this solution works for me.but its works for temporary.please share your solutions

  • Re - fellow sufferers from UK

    dear friends hope you do not misunderstand my last post on 20 Aug, in which I told " do not restrict your eyes from moving"..!! By saying this in my last post, i meant to say that you should not restrict yourself forcibly from seeing the person you are talking to and also you shouldn't be too cautious about the persons body, but yes you should try not to focus your eyes towards their sexual parts or chest.. Try to focus more on their eyes but do not stare deep into their eyes. See them gently. Sometimes during conversation our eyes may just pass through any body part of others, which is quite fine and normal. But remember we do not have to focus towards their sexual parts or chest. We can again make eye contact with the person gently. Be comfortable, relax, Keep your spirits high, feel good about yourself. Do not be too cautious about it. Just remember we do not have to focus our eyes towards their body. Its of no use. We don't need to do this. My dear friends, If you want meet a psychologist, as he would be able to tell why its happening to you and help you find solution. Take care. Cheers :) evrythng is going to be alright

  • guardian003

    I dont know if I can continue. Not only do I have the staring, but I now have horrible intrusive thoughts and I sometimes seem to blurt them out. Why did it have to come to this? Do I deserve this? I just want to disappear, I guess be dead? This has been going on for 4 years now and my situation has progressively been getting worse. Oh God, please help me.

    God bless you all fellow sufferers.

  • Anonymous-84

    Iam having this problem for more years... but not all day....i suffer occasionally... i feel better when i drink coffee.... since coffee helps to get cognitive ability, it helps to overcome this eye contact problem.

  • prof oak

    This is really what its about...

    Ask your self... "Why?" Truly ask yourself "Why is this weird, why is this even a problem?" Then continue asking yourself this why why why and you will notice that there really is no reason to be afraid...

    Think about it, when you eat food, are you self concious of the way you eat? Most likely not, but if you are why should you be? It is merely a way you eat! It is society that says "hey, fork in left hand, knife in right, chew with your mouth closed and dont eat with your mouth full..." "WHY!?" Honestly you are just BEING you. It is exactly that, we are HUMAN BEINGS! If we all ate and did the same thing we would be BOOORRRIINNG it is these differences that make us unique. WHO CARES if you are not looking them in the eye or you happen to glance at their breasts, penis, lips, butt whatever. Just know that this is who you are and there is nothing wrong with it. It is the thoughts that "this is wrong" that you are fooling yourself with.

    Honestly, I would try meditation to try and slow/watch/empty your mind and negative thoughts and realize them for what they are. I read in a TED talk to "see your negative thoughts like they are grafitti in the walls of your mind" it kind of helps.

    See if you are a tennis player and you swing with a western grip as opposed to the "gold standard normal grip", should you change this just because your coach and others use a "normal grip?" What is normal anyway? If your hitting the ball better than thoese with a normal grip and simply have more experience in the subject or matter, or it feels more natural and better than why change it? Just because society has a normal tennis grip doesn't mean you have to change yours! It's what makes you unique!

    Dont try to chnage your being just be. I feel like meditation can help a lot of mental health problems and is looked down because it is eastern philsophy, not western, but it has helped me over the years and made me realize to take things in a more fun and light manner, everyone is unique and differnt, just be, have a good time, take your "problems" with a grain of salt and laugh at yourself and if the other person doesn't like you then "**** em" there are 7 billion other people why should i try to convince you to like me. know yourself, know your self worth, and dont try to fix your so called "problem" just to please society and other people who you think may have a problem with it

    that is all

  • vicky

    hello eveyone...i m from india

    i m 23 years & this disorder is there from last 2 years due to a very small incident.....i m also feeling better after finding this forum.....i know this will never end but we have to try everything to eliminate this subconscious belief....its our life just dont give damn to anyone watever they think abt us......now i think its time to go to a psychologist for hypnotherapy ...i also thought abt wearing dark glasses but never started trying it...i also thought to vanish somewhere in mountains woods where no one lives but it cant be happened really ..everyday i feel to vanish somewhere or commit suicide..it feels like god is punishing me but i pray to him to get a good feeling in my brain whenever this eye contact thing happens...i never thought this would happen in my life...everything was so good 2 years before..now i will try everything that my doctor will say to eliminate this fucking belief of my brain....i will again post here if hypnotherapy works....cheers to all frnds in this forum

  • I thought I was alone.

    Hi everyone.

    All your conditions explain my life. What aggravating is, others are using my condition to slander me, calling me names and mocking me. Unfortunately, they use my picture on social media to embarrass me and attribute the images to something they are not.

    I need help.

  • Biena

    I had the same problem, I went to a psycologist and did not help. I research a lot over the internet and I couldn't believe how many people there are with the same problem that i have. Im not 100% cure but i am much better now . I understood that because there are so many people like me I shouldn't feel embarrased and I stopped thinking about it. i download a program in my Iphone about eye contact training and it has help me a lot. The time you stop thinking about your problem that's the time you will be better. According with I researched I found that this is called social phobia. And it normally happen to people who woriies to much bout what other people may think. I want to apologise I dont speak English and I tried my best. I hope this help.

  • Peter James Pantanosas

    Hi. My name is Eva Yanyan and that is only my screen name . I am transexual pre op from the Philippines . Everything started when I was influenced by my gay friends to take drugs. In the first time I took I like it very much. But second time on the 5th day of continous using it I started to not calm and in control because I feel that people are talking about me. after losing the effect of drugs it becomes normal again. Then it comes the third time of using it after 2 hrs the same scenario of incontrol and not calm and Ifeel that people are talking about me. And it triggers even the effect of drugs are gone now. I am having a hard time talking to people especially those if it is a long coversation i become nervous and incontrol. I cant have eye contact. I feel so depressed now. Because. Going to work everyday is a hardtime for me. I feel quitting to work . I dont feel happy and excited. I cant also talk to my relatives staright.Taking of drugs 3 times happened because of its effect. I dont like it anymore. I want to know my condition thanks.

  • Solution Seeker

    Listen to the song aloud "Papa Roach - Between Angels And Insects"
    I mean really really really loud.
    It takes your frustration away, atleast for a bit.

    Or For that matter , you can listen to any song, but it must be a fast track, with strong words, and most importantly highest levels of volume.

    Dear Friends,
    I must admit that i felt great when i found this blog.
    The happy feeling was not because you people were suffering, but because you guys let me know that i m not the only one in this world.
    I have read many of comments, i can surely say that this thing is definitely universally, some problem of human mind.

    I think i know how this problem first started in me, and IA, i'll help you fight it, and i hope i fight it too.

    I'll post my story later, but first i would like to know how many of you guys benefitted from above suggestion.

    Good luck, stay safe

  • Anonymous-85

    I posted on Sep. 4th 2014, about others posting my pics online mocking my condition.

    I am a 41 years old with a family.

    Contact me if you could help at: [email address removed by editor]

  • Anonymous-86

    Hi all,

    I have the same problem and have for about 12 months now. I am a normal guy with a good job and lovely wife. I find standing up talking to people helps for men but struggle with women but finding its getting worse not better. I have had 2 seshions with a hypnosis and see how it goes. If anybody wants to mesg and talk about it let me know as it could help.

  • Mimi

    Hello,

    I'm sorry to see so many people suffer from this condition. I've been suffering from it for more than 5 years. It all started after a friend that I helped really a lot, humiliated me infront of other friends. Because of my condition I lost almost all my female friends and my female colegues at my job could not hate me more. I had a therapyst for 4 years who could not help me because I was so ashamed of myself that I could not tell her what was my real issue. I then changed the therapyst and told her the truth and she said that I had an OCD (obsessional compulsive dissorder). You may - as I was - wonder how this could possibly be an OCD. Well, I was told that looking at sexual parts is checking (like checking several times whether you closed the door or turned off the light). And all the thoughts accompanying this doing are obsessions. The cure is composed of high amounts of an antidepressives and a psycotherapy. I also watched a documentary where a therapyst exposed their patiences to the situations they feared. Well, this doesn't work with this type of OCD, because the more you communicate face-to-face with people the more negative reactions you get from them (unless you managed not to look at their private parts). One thing that is somehow helpful is to force yourself into laughter. By this I mean to laugh (instead of worrying or feeling ashamed). And while walking in the down-town laugh quietly. I did this and after a while my focus changed from private parts of the walking-by people to their smiles. I was starting to search for smiling lips which in return helped me to smile silently even more. It might help you as well. I wish you all the best and hope you all get well as soon as possible.

  • Flight attendant

    Glad to know am not alone. It started 2yrs ago. I am happily married and losing my social life. I don't want to go out and meet people just because of This issue. People are talking about me at work and I dread going to work. I was once a social happy person. I want to be better. I want to be healed. Praying alot about it.

  • Anonymous-87

    I have had this issue for many many years, for many of those years i had been conditioning my eyes to stare into the eyes of others but now the issue has somewhat changed, when i look at people it's like i burn holes in their eyes.

    I can't faulter my stare though, for a milisecond of faulter and bam i'm looking where i 'shouldn't' .

    I've lost friends and jobs over this, i will get a new job i will work my way up gain respect and friends... then a stupid flicker of an eye to private parts and my self esteem plummets, i become jittery, i can no longer hold conversations i sink into a deep depresion, i inadvertantly alienate anyone around me as the residual effects are a 'killer' and ultimately i move on get a new job as the wierd outsider and build my self back up and then i faulter again..

    Just today i was at a bus stop and i looked at a passer by, i could not remove eye contact, he continued to walk by looking at me like i was a weirdo.. my fear rose and i managed to pull away and mentally 'slumped down' and a peice of self esteem, a peice of confidence dissapeared...

    I'm a good guy, but one day this just might kill me, i've pulled my self too high and the crash, too far.

    As someone else mentioned, 'sometimes i just want to gouge my eyes out' and be done with this problem.

  • Anonymous-88

    Hi guys I also suffering this problem am from uk . That's true I lost my friends even some my family member I can't make eyes contact ...Most of my friends think about me that's I am a stealer. . And some thinks I am a pervert .. and few think am gey but friends am a normal man only because of my eyes contact make me everything ..I kknow as I read people's comments that's a brain issue .like we scare from society .its called social phobia .. so please any solutions to make normal again let me know ..Thank you. Good luck

  • Anonymous-89

    Hi I'm a 57 year old female doctor. I've been struggling with this for a few years but it has been a gradually worsening process. However, it has been debilitating. I can't work because eye contact is required in my profession and my eyes drop to patients' chest. Today, I'm going to try to get help and find out more about transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) therapy, specifically. Thank you all for sharing. Anyone suffering from this please add your story with data to help see if a link exists. A speaker says to say everyday, No matter how bad it is or how bad it gets, I'm going to make it. Don't give up yet.

  • Karen

    I completely agree with Dani. It is NOT, I repeat NOT a eye problem. It has a lot to do with your self esteem. Not feeling worthy or in control of your life is exactly how I been feeling for so many sad years. And eventually I came down with this problem as well. It is VERY debilitating due to the fact of how embarrassing it is to even talk about to people who don't have it. Some may think your a freak or a weirdo. And its hard to have the additude that you don't care what others think when you have the world trying to cover up their crotch or breast when you are around them. Trust me, I get it. It is amazing to see how many suffer from this at the same time. There is no real cure but to fix the underlying problem, and that is to look at yourself differently. Become a stronger person within. It may be hard, especially if you had years of feeling inferior. But its not impossilbe. I have kids that I need to be strong for. They need me. I thought of suicide on a few occasions, but then realized that even though I have this dreadful issue - my kids love me and so does my family members. And it would be selfish for me to just think about myself and my own misery. I don't want my kids to be without me. They need me and I have to be strong for them. We are not alone. Let us consider how to love ourselves more and not to feel inferior to others. Then we can look others in the eyes ALL DAMN DAY LONG! And not think twice about about our past situation. I plan to get to that point. How about you?

  • Anonymous-90

    I am so happy to have come across this i was starting to think that i was the only one that i wasnt normal! the weird thing for me is that is is only some situations worse with other people and fine with some! i am fine when talking to my mum and my dad which is a relief but not with any of my friends! the other unusual thing is i cant look at someone when im being spoken at for example in a meeting and cant ask quesions as i am unable to look at them when they respond!! the lucky part is when im doing the talking or its just a casual conversation im usually okay! but now im starting to get really worked up about this problem i have just started a new job which obviously requires regular meetings, my boss always orders me to do things and i know i am giving a vague look back! i just need tips and something to get me through this. The sad thing is there are even close family members i cant really converse with due to the struggle of eye contact. If you have any tips or reasons why i have this problem please let me know xx

  • WG

    Dear fellow OCD sufferers

    i am glad to have come across this site

    also slightly comforting to know there are other people with similar problem as mine.

    anyone in Australia with a similar problem. someone recommended talking about this and sharing our experiences is a very good idea - and possibly could help in the healing process

    there are so many tips and suggestions- but I think the low self esteem bit

    Makes sense- if this thing has cropped up in the mind there must be an answer to this in the mind too - not outside - accepting and not fighting this is one small step in the healing process

    by the way this condition is also called UIT - unwanted intrusive thought disorder

    god bless us all with the strength to taclle this

    kind regards

    R

  • Me too

    I have this issue as well. I would love to meet someone who is experiencing the same problem. Anyone here in southwest ohio?

  • OCD and A.D.D

    Hi everyone. I'm a late 30's male with the same problem.

    I guess the most frustrating part of this OCD staring is there is not even anything sexual about it. It is an embarrasingly awkward habit that is like a vicious circle of feeling guilty. I know that colleagues know and regularly joke about this behind my back, which then damages your self esteem and so the issue continues. My issue is compounded with mild ADD . I find it difficult to concentrate on one thing at a time. Reading books is difficult due to my mind constantly wandering.

    Some things to consider. A quick glance at a beautiful woman is perfectly natural.

    Try to walk along a busy street and give yourself points for looking at eyes only and then looking away. Get plenty of sleep- it helps. Use eye contact and look past their shoulder techniques. Meditate- this also helps. Be kind to yourself, you are good people who suffer from a condition. Relax - if you do look- look away. Get engrossed in conversation- this helps alot too. Give yourself a break, you are not a bad person. Gradually changing your behavioural patterns should make this lesser and lesser until it goes away.

    You are all beautiful people - do not forget that!!!

  • jimmy

    i suffer from the same problem and i started taking omega 3,fish oils, vitiman b complex and gaba. i was told this help with anxiety and withdrawls symptons . i used to smoke alot of weed and since i quit i got this problem. those medications dont really work. so now im trying celexa which you need a prescription and its used for depression and social anxiety. ill keep everyone updated on if it works with my wondering eye problem. i will also change my diet to mostly healthy food and go to the gym three times a week.

  • talyor

    hi my name is talyor and i used to suffer from this problem until i started taking medication for this problem. every day i take 5htp and fish oils and the miracle drug celexa and i also take vitamin b complex. if you take all of this and excercise three times a week the problem will go away. it takes a couple of weeks to start working but now i never look at womens breast or mens privates. i used to avoid going out and doing activities that i loved. i also couldnt work because i was weird around co workers. trust me it works. celexa is used for anxiety depression and ocd. 5htp helps provide seritoines in the brain that it missing and vitamin bs just make you feel happy and it gives you energy and the fish oil is a good source of omega 3s.

  • Batman

    Hey guys , Im dealing with this issue for a few months and I was worried and wondering what is going on and why am i feeling this way ... I started noticing that the more I think about it the more It gets worse and it is like in this period of time my socializing defualt is changing ( like when I have a conversation with someone , instead of focusing on the subject I start to think I can't maintain eyecontact ) because when I only focus about the subject this doesn't happen. now my problem Is as this is becoming my default mode It is getting hard for me to shut up that voice in my head that telling me about my eyecontact problem therefore I think meditation will be a good practice to teach you not to think about the things you don't want to think about. I almost think about this problem every seconds of my life and I think I have to train myself to think about other matters and stop pushing myself.

    I think patience is a very important factor as frustration will make it worse .if you start to make progress and it happens again DO NOT think that it started all over again forget that and move on !

    I'm sure all of us will manage to overcome this ! smile and never give up my friends never give up !

  • VNB

    Hi,

    i too facing the same problem since 5-6 years. i am not able to talk with any woman as my eyes moves to chest part unvoulentarly it makes me unconformatible while speaking with. could you please help us on how to get ride of it.

    good part is .. when the subjet talking is interseting to me like technichal or spiritual absolutely no issue.

    some how i could feel that the issue would be something related to concentration of the mind. so i followed some yoge & mind concentration techanique to improve & i felt am able to talk without fear. later after some months ,, same issue .

    please help us.. thank in advance.

  • Anonymous-91

    this took me into the throes of depression,started about 2 years ago and my life got flipped upside down ,all sorts of relationships severed and i became my worst enemy .i used to think about suicide ALL THE TIME but today i can say different . it is improving a lot .basically i'm going through a trasformation of self .......so i changed my diet ,started excercising and seeing a therapist .the therapist was kinda dismissive about the whole thing but the sessions did help my over all outlook on life .....its like a found a reason to live again. ..... meditation,helped me a lot ,solitude helps aswell (pondering and affirming self worth and your place in the larger universe)-positivity definitely helps ..........the way i see it is ,you're stuck in your body on this planet until further notice so you have a choice to make .Are you going to spend the time you have left being miserable?......will you let people define your self worth or will you do that for yourself..... you are innately worthy NOBODY can take that from you ....don't give away your power either ..........

    thanks Taylor for your advice ,i will try that combo for a month or two and see how i get on.i'm pretty optimistic about it....

    keep your head up folks,together we will find a resolution :)

    if you cant change the situation ,change your perspective about the situation ......

  • Mana Bou

    When I try to remember the day I started to think like that I don't find the answer because all I remember is waking up and this idea was inside of my head and won't get out . I'm trying everyday to forget it , I even ask god to forget everything I had in this life I don't care if i'm going to forget who I was or what I like or what I love I just want to be a fresh person a new one because this is not what I want to be , I don't want to be judge for something I didn't choose .. When I saw that some of you has been dealing with this for years I got afraid because I don't want to keep this idea with me for the rest of my life , I'm afraid to make new friendships because I'm sure they wouldn't know who I was cause all what they have now in front of them is someone who's not normal and i'm sorry because they hadn't the chance to meet the normal me , when i was only crying for love or betrayels but now i'm crying for mental desease what a shame to feel that you are no longer the same person . I will not give up because now I'm sure that i'm so strong because for me the hardest thing in this life is challening yourself , I think what we have is much harder than having cancer or anything else . I won't give up never this is my battle and I will fight till the end and we will see who's gonna win me or my freak mind !! I will get my goal and not alone of course because I have god in my life and he won't leave me alone if I asked help because he's the only one who can understand me and accept me for who I am .

  • C V M

    Hello. I too have been suffering this problem. It started about 4 years ago. I do recall when the problem started, and since this is anonymous I might as well share. I accidently stared at a girls bum when daydreaming. Unfortunately she noticed. Then I got bullied a little for looking there. (Which was a complete accident! Promise.) Anyways, after that I had trouble making eye contact. I kept staring at people's genitals or private areas. I didn't mean to, but after my accident I just couldn't make proper eye contact. People kept assuming I was bisexual considering I kept staring at all sorts of people's genitals. I even was confused for a while, thinking I might actually be bisexual. I am not bisexual. I do have a serious problem making eye contact though. It feels a little better knowing I am not alone, that there is others like me. I was starting to wonder if I was all alone in the world.

    My family members, friends, customers at work, etc all notice my trouble making eye contact. Perhaps I keep having this issue because I never told anyone. I always kept it to myself. Or maybe I should get all drugged on meds to forget. All I want to know...is there a cure? Or will I be forced to live in Hell looking at all these people's genitals...Which I am not complaining, if only they didn't get offended by me looking. :/

  • sea

    Hi,

    I am have got this problem as well, it is so embarassing , it is out of my control, it drives me sick.

    I am thinking to terminate my life & as my friends & family hates for that.

    Please help me. it is just so awkward.

  • Anonymous-92

    well its good to know that i am not alone , this same issue i have dealt with for eight long year's and it has been the toughest thing i have ever fought withvin my life , i hate it knowing this is not me ,does anyone has a cure ?

  • Anonymous-93

    I have been suffering this 10 years, I felt depressed in the past but doctors helped me.

    I had been unemployed for the last 4 years, the main reason is you need to relate with people if you want to work but with this issue it was very embarrasing and I prefered to be at home. My parents were supporting me but I felt bad for that, like I was useless.

    Now a family member asked me if I wanted a job at a front desk of a hotel, first I told him no, because I don't want to be with people. But after 4 years without working someway I couldn't reject the job. Finally I accepted and I have been working there for 2 months.

    My job is basically talk with people, receive them, ask for the passports, go with them to the rooms etc.

    Before starting the job I thought it was going to be a horrible experience, I felt and I thought someone with this eye issue can't do a job like that.

    After 2 months I think it has been a good thing for me, now I am earning some bucks and I feel more useful.

    Regarding the eye issue, most of the time I am too busy to even think about it. Sometimes it has happened and it has been embarrasing, I have felt bad, but it has not been the end of the world. People just simulated they didn't notice it, and that's all. THe only feedback we get is at a website, and all feedback is giving the staff a 10, the maximum number, and that means my "issue" is not a problem for the customers or the hotel. At least for these two months, I don't know in the future.

    I write this to encourage people take a new work, even if it entails to be with people all the time. It is not easy but your life will be much better, you will earn money, you will feel more useful, and you will realize this "issue" is not as important as we internally think.

    For me, at this moment, the eye "issue" is not as important as before.

    Best regards to everybody, and good luck!!

  • John

    I unable to make eye contact with women.I directly watch their breast while talking. I am 24 years old.I am totally frustraited due to this problem. Now I am avoiding to talk with women. This problem facing from last three years.Please help me get rid of this problem.

  • Serena

    Hi everyone! I just wanted to stop in and give you all a quick reminder that we are hyper aware of our own eye movements. Our brains can be tricky and make us think we are doing something that is innapropriate when in reality it is natural and everyone does it. I just found a good article online by dr. Grayson about sensory awareness. Search him online and read it. People become obssesed about the craziest things. Its called OCD, if you arent seeing a p sychologist you need to find one and tell them the exact problem you are having and get treatment. They dont know unless you tell them. It is not obvious...5Stop living in torment, miserable and alone. Speak up, fight for yourselves...

  • sufferer

    I have to say, you are all beautiful people with a good heart!!

    I am a 17 yr old girl and i'm suffering from the same thing for 2 years.
    I thought i was all alone with this problem and I couldn't really find out what it was.
    I'm really happy that I found this blog, i feel relieved.

    I had the problem in an extremely way and the year after It strangely went a lot better but idr for what reason, what could've helped it .
    At the moment it's worse than ever en idk what to do.. take medicine(What kind?) of visiting a psychiatrist.. i don't dare to say it to a psychologist because i know ill get really emotional and stuff bcause it feels so weird to have this eye problem.
    But i don't want to have this problem all my life!!!

    i hope we'll find a solution X.

  • sunshine

    Hi IT, good to hear there is someone suffering from the same in TO. I don't see this problem going away in the foreseeable future. But if we can find some support in those who are in the same shoes, I guess it will help with our anxiety associated with this.

  • Anonymous-94

    Have had this problem for about 15 years - until last week. The fix is immediate and does not require any will power or medidative skills: Take your glasses (if you don't wear glasses, buy a pair of plain glass lenses - like mine), and place a strip of scotch tape across the bottom third of the lenses. If you cut it nicely it will just look like shading and not like you have tape on your lenses.

    That's it - problem solved! Your eyes won't go anywhere you don't want them to, because they can't. You will look people dead in the eye because that's the only place you can look. Requires a little extra care going up stairs, but I haven't tripped yet - knock on wood. Yes, a pair of glasses and two strips of tape, and you will have your life back! Enjoy it!

  • Zara

    I had this problem for 6yrs. it's been awhile since I been on this site. Hey everyone. it has changed my life but I try and contine on to live. I put myself out there although i will be regarded as werid , prevent. Does anyobe live or is near NYC? I really need some support. I was thinking maybe we can set up teleseminar/ conferences call for support, guidance, insight and understanding witch people like use or that want to help us. also, it will help to connect everyone in world.

  • Anon

    Just look at the person's eyebrows instead. They'll never notice the difference!

  • rose

    I just can't be around people at school anymore.. it's so bad :'(
    The fear they'd notice and stuff makes me anxious

    Doctor can you help me ? X

  • ricki

    i have had the same eproblem...zara, i'm a 33 year old female in the ny area but i'm not sure how to get in contact...it seems you cant leave conact info on here

  • lila

    http://www.wsps.info/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=63:heres-looking-at-you-kid-people-with-ocd-who-notice-things-too-much&catid=

    read this!!!!!

  • guardian003

    Well, Ive written in the past and just wanted to say that it hasn't gotten any better. Right now Im on Seroquel and Anafranil..I have not noticed any improvement in my symptoms unfortunately. I do think that it would be awesome if we could communicate with each other like in skype or email or whateve. I'm really starting to feel hopeless at this point. My end seems to be near. Please help

  • johnny 5

    I've been dealing with this same thing for 6 years and it doesn't seem to be getting any better for me either. However, if you give up now you're letting the condition win. Trust me when I say this has a huugggee affect on your self esteem. It's impossible to not think about it once u start. The people that you think are judging you though are most likely not worth it in the first place. Your life is worth a hell of a lot more than an "ocd" condition. Even though none of you know me I personally feel like we are all going to make it through this and enjoy the amazing moments in life regardless. Get out there and love who you are!

  • jaya

    Hi i have this problem for about 2yrs... it got worst when i keep on think about having this problem. So first i stopped thinking about im having such a problem... and before anyone observe me and find this kind of disordrr and laugh at me, i myself go and inform them that im having some kind of attention disorder and having difficulty in making eye contact so iam not comfortable in looking ateyes during conversations....so i used to looksomewhere else and make my self comfortable during convetsations.... others also help me and forget about my disorder and speak casually like speaking with normal person. But this is not a solution, we also must become a normal person right? So i keep on finding solutions.... if we increase our brain attention we can overcome our problem....so like we do exercise for body warmup we should also do some activity for brain warmup... one best brain warmup activity which helped for getting better concentration and overcome this problem is """Take a text book or news paper, then take a notebook and pen... just look at the textbook and write in ur notebook.... write 2or 3 pages until u get the attention... u can feel the brain more attentive .. ur memory powrr and vocabulary increases.... u can speak more fast and fluent... thats it make a habit of doing this everyday can easily overcome this eyecontact problem..."""""

  • the icon

    Hi taylor & frnd wid eyeglass & scotchtape

    Is celexa & 5 htp still working....i hope u will reply bcoz i would like to start it if these drugs still working on u

    I would like to thank the guywho found a solution after 15 years by eyeglasses & scotchtape work...i will also try this....i would like to ask u doesnt dust get stick to scotch tape?.....then scotch tape is visible that its atape on eyeglasses...i didnt tried it yet....just want to confirm it frnd

  • lilo

    People, focus on your breathing when it occurs. Also meditate.

  • mandy morrie

    I have been having the issue like everyone else here its really devastating . Why is this happening my confidence went from 100 to 0 in the past few years . Im in toronto anyone want to give support . Maybe we can win. Lets start a meet up group

  • IT

    Hello All,

    I usually like to read comments and not contribute. Well, this time, I am contributing.

    This happened to me as well and i will add a few possible causes :

    1. Went thru a lot of stress at work

    2. Had issues with wife at home

    3. Started to have multiple ear infections and loss of balance etc.

    4. This eye thing started with only a few persons and then one day it could not maintain eye contact with anyone.

    I belive in my case, at least, it started with the ear. I got the ear issues due to a trauma in life. Add more stress to that, no doctor could really understand why i was getting repeating ear infections.

    What i did :

    1. Several medical tests - most OK

    2. Eye contact can be linked to inner ear disorders

    3. Went for a minor surgery to fix repeated nose swelling

    4. Changed my diet since it is linked to the guts...hence less issues in the guts...less anxiety as well

    5. Started daily 1 hour exercise

    6. Started practise breathing exercise regulaly

    7. Understand each time I am stressed and how my breathing is affected...go thru the anxiety, but knowing it can be controlled by breathing correctly in that moment.

    Results :

    I would say i am at a 75% recovery after 3 months. The more the stress and anxiety go low..the better

  • major singh

    I have this problem since last 4 years..I remember when this problem started me ..Actually I was very slim and shy kind of person ..whereever I went people looked at me ..and some time I noticed they looked my private part is well ..so these things made me social phobia disorder ...but am fine I have wife and boy ..but the problem still I have.. it going worse...if anyone want contact me am here in uk want to treat this problem

  • Anonymous-95

    I've experienced the same problem for about eight years. I know how awful this thing can be! I get so effected when I read all of your posts. I know we probably all have very different backgrouds, life experiences etc, but, when I read some of your messages it's like hearing someone articulate my exact same thoughts and feelings. The empathy that comes from hearing all of your struggles may actually be one of the few positive results of this condition. I wish you all the very best my friends you are not alone. Dont give up.

    I've had various OCD symptoms since I was about twenty( I'm 33 now). Every time I became accustomed to one particular obsession my mind would hook on to something new that illicited that high level of anxiety. I've had intrusive violent and sexual thoughts, obsessive thoughts about whether I'm a homosexual or not (not that there's anything wrong with being homosexual!), whether I'm a paedophile, a horrible racist, a psychopath! The list goes on and on but, I must say, the worst (for me) of the whole bunch has been this bloody fear of staring/ and actual staring at other peolpes sensitive areas. You couldn't come up with a more ridicuous disorder if you tried! And it's one of the only OCD symptoms I've experienced that manages to actually actively incorporate other people into the dynamic. I mean other peoples reactions to your staring. It sounds pretty comical when you try to explain it to someone( it is pretty comical!), but only someone who has actually experinced it can appreciate the subtle range of agonising social scenarios this condition can create. Some of my worst experiences were when I went to do tefl english teaching at a school in Indonesia after many excrutiating days and months of seeing shocked and disgusted reactions of students and teachers I was reduced to teaching whole lessons without turning around to face the class once. In my attempt to get control of my mind I became a Buddhist monk for three years, and there, because of the high level of respect monks are given, the situations and reactions were even more horrific!! I give you permission to laugh -)

    On a positive not though, meditation really has helped alot. I don't suffer from this nearly as much as I did. Partly learning to focus my attention, partly begining to see a little more clearly the causes of the movements of my mind, and partly seeing that I just can't control things in this world - myself or other peoples reactions, have all helped me a great deal. I'm not trying to proslytise anyone or anything, but I would definitely encorage Buddhist meditation, Especially Vipassana. I'm afraid you won't get any fast results but, in time, it will help. The main issue is the unpleasent bodily sensations that these thoughts, impulses, and others reactions cause in you. It's the reaction to unpleasent bodily feelings that makes the mind jump around the way it does in OCD.

    Anyway, I won't go on. Sorry for the overlong post. I hope you all experience some relief though. You are good people. Good luck:-)

    Guy

  • yamesophi

    Hello fellow sufferers. I haven't commented in a while so I figured I'd see if anyone has had any success. I haven't, I have a part time job. Though and I'm in a play and a possible t.v. Show. Nothing major just local. I don't know how I continue. I guess it's because I didn't always have this problem and I remember that time. Though its so long ago. I miss it and I want not to go backwards but move forward. I miss being able to make friends which has never had a problem doing, though I did have people who hurt me a lot. However I plenty enough friends to keep my mind from obsessing about the bad. Anyway I've been receiving disability for mood disorders for years now which has didn't get when I was diagnosed because I have seizures so I thought that was why or I forced myself to ignore what was on the paper because I was never told I had this problem until I was excepted to get ssa. Even then I was never talked to about it nor was I given any resources to help me get past this problem so I spent years thinking I was getting it because I had seizures. Well I'm up for review and I am not sure what is going to happen because I haven't seen anybody since I started getting ssa except for once and my insurance stopped helping me pay for it and that was in 2000 or. 2001. I can't remember but now I'm trying to look for a. Decent dr. Because one I can't take this s&@t much longer my patience is run its course and two though I have a part time job running a paper route, it's not enough for me to live off of. I've been homeless more than once due to this issue, because I can't and won't stay at a job too long without this issue effecting my job performance which includes working well with others. Even the patient people grow weary of being around you and it's tuff and heartbreaking. It sends you deep into a painful pit of dispare when you can't even get it together for the nice people in your life. Those are the people you try to respect and appreciate. With this illness though it doesn't distinguish between nice and mean folk. Anyway if I stop getting ssa I'm going to be screwed if I can't pick up extra employment or restart a business I had a couple years ago. If I. Didn't have this problem I wouldn't have a problem finding work. Its just with this problem my employment has been choppy and if you haven't held a job at my age for more than a year employers hold that against you. That your credit and how long you've lived at a place and with my life being really kind of horrible with the things that have happened to me my resume credit and the many times I've had to move makes me a candidate for not being employable. But since I have gone to college and had a mother who was a stickler about doing stuff for yourself as much as you can without assistance I've working on other ways to make income. I just had a childrens book published on Amazon and I'm going to publish a heck of a lot more books in general. Like I said before I have a paper route through I've heard a couple of comments implying that it's something children and teenagers do to make money not adults but its two days out of the week and I'm not stuck talking to people for long periods of time when I know i can't I'm not well enough to. So I listen to my instincts on what I can and cannot do though they don't cut out interaction with other people completely it would make it harder to heal. So I take the blows of this ocd or hyper sensitive illnesses whatever it is and I keep meditating on healing before I die. I don't want to leave this place in this much hurt and anger. I'm tired, lonely many times though I don't mind being a lone, I like my space, and heartbroken. I feel bad for me, I feel bad that I've unknowingly for so long placed others value over my own being nice and kind and trying to do the right thing by others and believing in a lies about who you are supposed to be in this society, to the point I've developed slowly over the years an illnesses I can't shake. I saw someone say they went to a therapist and the therapist seemed to not take the persons illnesses seriously well I've had this problem for years now and haven't had one doctor of mine inquire or hint to me that I may have a problem and the have seizures and have taken a variety of different meds which causes all types of side effects but I've never been asked. And for those who say so easily to tell your doctor they don't know unless you tell them. How many times do you have to stare a persons penis vagina. Or breast before the person that is supposed to be caring for you sees there's a Problem and sees the disparate look in your eyes before they ask. How many people would you tell? People see you as perverse even doctors so easier said than done and I think that you should say something but only when you find who think is going to be serious and non judgemental you don't wanna waste money on people, I repeat PEOPLE because doctors are people too, who look down on you dismiss you or don't help you at all or mis diagnose you. I've been discriminated by doctors lawyers teachers and the list goes on because of this so it ain't as easy as just telling someone, its hard and very embarrassing and dehumanizing. I believe once that's understood more people will open up and seek proper help. Until then I implore all sufferers to do their damnedest to make it for themselves. I call it positive selfishness, that includes taking, I repeat taking time out for you, don't give no one and I mean no one, children or not, all of your time because it takes away from the healing process. Number two exercise even if you don't go to the gym research different exercises and make a routine that fits your needs and abilities and do it as often as you can taking breaks or a day or two off as needed. Three, though I'm a sensitive person mind and health wise and don't see changes a lot, eating healthy as often as possible I believe is better than eating junk. Health food in so expensive but I'd rather invest in me from. Now until I die so I spend money on healthy meals and I intend to spend money on a great psychiatrist one who is a wellness doctor. I want to be well when I die, simple as that. That's the bottom line, if you don't think you are worth it you will stay lost. I'm just annoyed it has taken me so long to grasp what it truly means and what is involved to get you there.

  • sufferer

    Firstly my english is not good sorry! Im from india i have this issue for about 4 years. I have no control over this this makes my beautifull life dull. This problem was started to me with girls about 4 years ago that time i dont feel bad for this but when to college this makes me so upset and i was started to think why this happend to only to me from my surroundings and this turns to all human beings. Im suffered more from what to say if i look a object my mind goes wrong way. Some peoples laugh some people feard to come near me and dont talk to me in my company. I allways feel why this happen to me.

    OK I REALLY NEED A SUPPORT. SOME TIMED I THINKING ABOUT IS THERE IS ANY WAY TO LOST OUR MEMORY. NOW IM THINKING OF SUICIDE AND IM GOING TO DO IT..... SORRY TO SAY MY CONDITION IS THAT MUCH OF WORST.

  • pritam

    me too suffering from same issue,this is making me alone i am unable to attented any kind of paties,get together ect.How about wearing glasses with scoth tape,the guy who just discovered this after suffering from 12 years i think its going to work but i have not tried yet.If anyone has tried please come up with experience.I too from India, guys please be patience.

  • Anonymous-96

    Thanks, many of you have helped me with your life experience. As a school teacher, it is hard. I want to cry everyday, somedays I look at myself and say this is not happening. I spend a lot of time praying. Prayer works, I have seen the doors of escape the Lord has provided. I have to stay rooted in the Word of God because He gave the reason not to take my life. His Word tells us that we go through situations to bring us closer to Him. I have my ups and downs, but I always cling to God's Word. Yes, I have bad days from the thoughts in my head, tormenting me that people don't like me and that people are watching me to see who I am watching or looking at my eye behavior. I cry all the time. But God's Word is true, and I find comfort and relief with him. Yes I am online looking for help. But I found you all who are going through and God is right there waiting for us to ask for His help. My prayer is HELP ME, LORD! I have to stay with the Lord all the time.

    My eyes looks at men private parts. My eyes look at women too but the men parts make me feel torn up on the inside. I try the look from neck up but I tend to look down. This is too much self effort. I need God's help. Save me Lord.

  • Roop

    How to get this solved- I am also facing same problem.. Really wanted to get rid of this problem- i tried glasses but nothing is working...

  • Chronic State 14

    Hi!

    I have been suffering with OCD/Social Interaction staring since I was 12. OCD since I am 8. I am female and in my late 50's. It has basically taken all the enjoyment out of social interaction and life. Keep thinking I was cursed and should just live by myself on an island. However that is not the case and I am married for 29 years. Ideal it is notn since I have questioned everything about myself including my sexual orientation. I feel like a leper and my self esteem takes huge hits no matter what I accomplish. It is hell on earth. I do yoga but I cannot even relax bc I everytime I make eye contact with the instructor my brain sees only breasts. It is a f***ng nightmare and I have no escape.

  • oscar

    Hi, i am 23 years old male, ive had this problem for 4 years. It first stared looking at womens breasts i could not helped it. i tried not looking at women when talking or looking for just a moment but eventually i looked down. Then i had problems with men, my eyes tend to indirectly look at their sexual part. I felt so embarrassed i prefered to avoid people and parties, or family reunions. I lost alot of friends because of this issue.

    Before watching this site i thought i was alone on this, and by reading the comments i began to learn alot about this, i am very gratefull.

    I hope we all find a way of solving our eyes issue.

  • Ashley

    hi guys,

    ive suffered from alot of these problems for over 12 years and think that we experience thesethings because weve hit some sort of learning period in our development. i think its to do with relearning how our bodies function so as to gain a greater awareness of ourselves similair to an existential crisis ( where we have to rediscover and learn who we are). i say this because ive recently (in the past 12months)have had the biggest improvements infixing this. i ididnt do much to make this happen but im sure that my efforts in trying to understand how my body works has helped. i ve found that sometimes i get better for a few weeks before it hits again then im out of action for a few moths or more, it was like this all the time but is occuring less and less. Time is the biggest factor in this and it could take years before you get better unfortunatley, but it is worth it.

  • Erica

    I am a female and I have this same strange disorder. I am curious if all of you suffer generally from anxiety or depression. What about a history of abuse?

    I have struggled with anxiety as long as I can remember. The anxiety then leads to depression. I don't treat with meds for various reasons. I am an introverted person, but do sometimes enjoy to get out. However, this condition makes me apprehensive to do anything.

    I never realized I did this till I over heard two women remarking about me staring at another women's chest. Small or large chested. I tend to stare at men's crotches as well. 95% of the time the men I do this too wouldn't be anyone I would have any interest in. Hell sometimes they are family members. Help me!

    It is even more awkward when a man takes it as a come on and puts his hands in his pocket to wedge his pants into his crotch. Or some just hide their midsection when I talk to them. Maybe, behind a short wall etc. I am desperate to get past this.

    I do this to just about everybody other than people I feel 100% comfortable with and have trust in them. When I am comfortable which is not often I don't stare inapproprately.

    I am in a monogomous relationship. We are happy. I am not the type of person that would hide being lesbian or bisexual either. Even though I am anxious I am pretty straight forward.

    It would make it easier too if people were a little more open. It seems our society is uptight and unaccepting of anything that is not the norm. I am not a pervert nor care to be referenced as one, but I guess that is how it appears. I have learned to be reroute my thinking when I catch someone taking a glimpse at my chest. They may just be a weirdo like me.

    It may have been easier for people like us in the '60's when the hippies were around. We may have been just chalked up to one of those movements.

  • Anonymous-97

    Hi!

    I read the comments regarding staring and I can identify with pretty much all of them. I have suffered with the "staring syndrome all of my life and it has been horrible. I do yoga which helps but I always felt isolated especially from my close relatives who do not understand me at all. I wish I could meet someone im person who suffers from this so I do not feel like an alien. This syndrome started when I was 12. I am in my 50's.I remember I was in class and started staring at my teacher's (male) crotch. Then it expanded to breasts and woman's legs. It is just awful and since socializing is a big part of life, I am uncomfortable and want to escape social situations. I am trying to separate my accomplishments from this humiliating behavioral abherration but it makes me feel so bad so I start eating sweets. Been in therapy in my teens and it did not do anything for me. My mom was at a loss and upset when the psychiatrist put me on stelazine and I was walking around lik a zombie. Basically in the 70's they were in the dark on OCD or social anxiety. Of late, I went to OCD LA and joined a group. They believe in what I call saturated exposure. Looking at as many breasts and rear ends and crotches as you can. Object is to desensitze your self from the behaviors. Did not work that great for me. My anxiety went through the roof and never really went down. Left the group after a year and a half bc I was not progressing. Will try doing meditation.

  • icon

    Hello taylor

    Is celexa still workimg on you.plz reply if u see this msg.

  • Anonymous-98

    Everyone is saying I have this problem.But noone is giving solution. Please give solution.

  • Todd J

    *Apostrophes removed...seemed to foul things up.

    Well, as others have mentioned, I'm so glad to have found this thread - the various search terms used to get here took me to some odd places. It's also encouraging to see some many recent posts, its almost as if more and more people are being drawn here.

    My challenge started at work about five years ago. I noticed a colleague would clench the collar of her shirt closed and get very uncomfortable around me. I spoke with a male colleague who said he experienced the same thing, she made him feel like a pervert. Its fair to say she did have some social issues - she was let go recently relating to her interactions with people - nonetheless, I still figured I must have been doing something.

    Now the problem is accelerating. One more person, and another, and another. Many I notice quickly crossing their arms across their stomach, for some, if theyre wearing a loose vest or scarf, they pull it across, one person the other day did up her zipper when I walked past - I hadnt even looked in her direction. In some cases, I expect their own body image may factor in, but I still feel like Im causing something.

    As people have noted, it is becoming all emcompassing. You cant help but notice it all the time. Im terrified of becoming that guy in the office. I honestly couldnt tell you when I do it/if I do. Its resulting in some serious anxiety at the moment and causing me to withdraw. Its only with women, though it does impact my overall confidence. Ive spoken to my wife, and she is understanding, but doesnt think I do anything. Its in my head. She feels badly for me. Its also impacting my sleep.

    I recently saw a therapist (female) who wasnt aware of this challenge - I acutally mentioned this thread. She said Im likely conjuring it up, and she said women are always fidgeting. In our hour and a half she said she didnt see it at all. So who knows? Maybe at work I got caught glancing at some point and it stuck? Maybe I look at other times, not during conversations? I still have female friends at work, so its hard to say.

    Thats it. Sorry I went on, but I found it useful reading other peoples posts, so hopefully this helps you. Maybe it sounds familiar? So far Im trying meditation, herbal teas, breathing execises, starting back at the gym, walking and not avoiding situations. Results have varied. Ill also likely see the therapist again - that was useful.

    Keep posting people. I feel your pain. Chin up. :)

  • rohan

    Hey guys I have readed all of urs problem which was the same with me unable to make eye contact staring at sexual parts of male and female and breasts of woman. And I know how bad and irritating we feel when we dont have control on our senses . The reason behind this is that we have feed this negativity and perception to our subconscious mind and thats why we are not able to get the solution. So plsss guys instead of cursing yourself start feeding ppositive thoughts. And guys pls note that at initial stage it will be hard to feed positive thoughts so u need to practice it with high level of dedication. And simple way to get your desired communication skill is to visualise the you want to be......... guy this trick has changed my life from hell to heaven. So plsss go for it and enjoy your life.......feel good.

  • Dermot

    Dear All,

    Life will always throw you a curve ball, it wont last forever but will seem like it will do. Express yourself is the key no matter what always express yourself and that is the key out of this.

    Dermot

  • Dermot

    At least for Christmas will you give some positive messages, as young people are afffected by this condition aswel, Don't look down or stare :-)

  • Daniel

    Not a cure, but it has helped a lot,

    I realized I had this anxiety issues for years now, it had affected my life. The eye contact issue was the worst as I could not keep eye contact.

    I managed my anxiety with heavy cardio. At the begining (a year ago) I did 5 days of running, cycling, crosstraining. It felt as my anxiety was melting away (it still feels great). Can't dwell on your shortcommings when you are catching your breath :)

    I tone it down now to 3 sessions a week. Still great, is my go to routine to deal with daily anxiety.

    With the eye contact issue, I just make sure to look away (right or left) every five seconds or whenever I feel I am staring.

    The combination has helped, I tried using the eye contact technique without excercise, that just increased my anxiety.

  • Suds

    I am a male in my late 30's suffering in this disorder for the last 18 years. Initially, I used to think that staring at private parts was eye disorder but later I under stood that it is a brain issue.I have a loving wife and a kid. I have nearly lost my youth because of this. I avoid attending social gatherings giving some excuses to them. I am getting frustrated thinking that the entire community thinks that I am a pervert.

    Please help

  • Natural

    I have the same problem for a long long time like almost 5 years.. And I live in Nepal. Today I had to share this problem with my parents because I am currently going to college and this issue has brought big trouble lately.. All the boys are against me and I have noticed that they are planning to gang up and attack me with Knifes and bash me up. I was finally in my life doing great in my studies but looks like I will have to quit my studies once again. I have realized that I have some problem with my eyes ... meaning that my eye muscles keep on moving inside my head, like in my brain. Not only that, I get this sensation of my face tightening, not just around my eyes upper side, but it also constantly moves from the left side to the right side of my face... This muscles tightening thing then gets stuck on the upper part of my nose, like not on the tip of my nose, but on the upper part towards the forehead. And I hear clicking noises inside my head like on my brain. I also have realised that this is some kind of psychological problem as well... But I cannot figure out if the first culprit is the psychological issue or physical issue... This actually started about 2 years after my head injury. The last time I went to the doctor and I did a MRI scan which showed small amount of water accumulated on the left temple side of my head. The doctors said that that much amount of water is quite normal... They gave me vitamin b complex pills and syrup which quite helped me. I also feel that smoking weed can cure a little bit but not sure if it can fully cure. I have stopped smoking weed for a long time and I feel good results after stopping. I think fish oil can help too though I have not tried it much. I think factors to the problem is partly because of some physical thing, and partly psycological... I am quite sensitive too.. like when people sitting around me do something like whistle or pick up something or .. I get too sensitive to other people's movement. I therefore feel very sensitive.. I love people but I just can't stop hurting people's feeling and making them angry with this starring issue. I have caused many people to become really angry with me and I feel that I will be attacked sooner or later by someone... I think I will soon have to quit college as well.. I will leave my study aim later once this gets cured. And one thing, If anyone wants to go out of house during the daytime can use sunglasses. It really helps alot.. But its a problem during the night time. There must be some cure for sure.. I heard somewhere like the DAARPA research is also doing some research on this thing. Try Buddhism meditation... Listen to Alan Watts which I am sure will help alot. I will followup with my situation again soon. I am going to eye doctor this week to check my eyes. Please take care... don't lose hope too quickly. For those who are in a developed country can get a job to sustain life.. Its hard for us living in poor country with conservative society that really makes every thing hard... TC

  • ocean

    I thought i was alone from Nepal having this problem..thanks for sharing your story..and dude it's not a solution to leave your studies ..i hope you find some sort of fix soon..

    Take care

  • Leo

    See ppl,

    I Hav got the same problem...but in the mean time I figured it out that it isn't a problem at all.its just in the mind.Psycologist may help you out easily.Thing is we curse ourselves,feel guilty and feel ashamed about it.just do the reverse dont curse yourself,dont feel guilty,dont feel ashamed...at the start it may feel extremly hard but you ought to work it out.you cannot remain the same way all your life,right?.just feel good about yourself.

    Go talk to people without fear,without second thoughts dat wat ppl will think of you...believe me they will think nothing or even if they do,they will frget it sooner.And if you dont feel much about it,you will forget it too.So just let it go.Ok

  • john smith

    An experiment with the ocd ( Eye - homosexuality - social )

    At the first I had this issues for 2 months it was horrible and very painful , but in the same time very useful for the person because it`s a message for that You had issue in live and You had to revise your life and correct it .

    1 - the ocd it`s like the air You can`t see it but You feel it , You think it`s had roots like any building but it`s not like a building it`s only an idea came in your brain and the cure for that You believe that is only an idea came in your head and You had to believe that way always and You keep repeat it until it`s fixed .

    2 - the problem it`s came from the lonely , if You start to meet with people ( even they are hurt yoYou) , this is the only cure and You had to do it ( step by step ) for more Effectiveness .

    3 - Don`t Lose Your patient Ever Ever and Start to read more about other stuff and try to Distracting yourself with useful habits and keep do that until it`s become an habit and remember that ocd never came to anyone smart ( and smart came from science and believe in god ) .

    4 - this issue came from as I say from the lonely and it`s called social phobia and it`s branches maybe it`s connect with some internal fears and the only way to destroy your fears By face it , it`s not easy but it`s the normal way .

    5 - the eye problem came from that the social phobia person do some certain look very sharp and not friendly and became the social intelligence very low and he can`t communicate with people with flexible looking and comfortable ( And Always the ocd hit in the weak areas in the person ) , and the problem always came in the thinking in this problem ( Don`t Verify From the Idea ) , so All YOU had to do is Face Your fears and look and people but only when it`s there talk in the start and talk with someone very near to YoYou( wife - friend - mother - father ) and then step by step until You overcome this problem and Don`t lose the battle and verify your gains it`s battle very hard and painful and don`t read in this problem again and try to forget it ( the ocd enemy is social and communicate with people and use time in useful stuff ) , this problem Came To a lot of people and they came over it with patience and don`t lose the faith do it and do it more and more don`t panic don`t fear the people they are think that You are afraid

    6 - homosexuality ( gay or lesbian ) came because there is issues with dealing with the other gender ( Don`t Lose the fight it` just an idea face it ) And some problem in the normal growth of understanding of normal sex , face it but don`t watch or see anything related to gay things it`s make your case worst ( the Anti-ocd that YOU care and YOU listen And YOU analyze And Read About It , let it go ) , and the most important cure don`t watch porn movies and specially the hard and lesbian and anything new and not traditional or modern or unclassic because this is the problem , face it You are not ( gay - lesbian - or weird ) , All the problem that YOU had ethics in age had no ethics .

    7 - Never masturbate Or watch Porn movies , and start to shape a new culture in You specially ethic or religious or success stories ( secret weapon ocd attack in what YOU care , so care in new thing )

    8 - Any thing make YOU calm do it daily every second ( The Anti-ocd is faith and fight )

    9 - if your fear is complex destroy it in the first and verify from that separation because by this way You will destroy the power of the ocd

    10 - Trust in Yourself and In Your Thoughts And Your vision And face yourself but don`t insult yourself

    11 - Don`t treat the wrong with other wrong because it make Yourself in unlimited circle

    Good luck and start to Be social and start to near to god or ethical issues

  • Anne

    This experience can really undermine your self esteem and and self pride. It can also make you afraidd of others. And make you feel crazy, and out of control of yourself. It can literally wear you down emotionally. Not to mention the fear it creates inside you of what others are feeling and thinking about you.

    I believe it is a form of OCD and PTSD combined. And it is very deeply rooted emotionally. But here are some things you can start doing to really help youself get untangled from it...and begin to feel empowered again. Try using any of these but if you try using aby combination of of them, you will make amazing progress. And especially if you keep doing them, it intensifies your progress. Try getting into a daily regimen. It will help diminish it and also give you back your sanity again.

    1) Start meditating...every day. It will help ease your inner critic so that you can begin to go easier on yourself. It lessens the amount of anxiety and shame around this and give you more a sense of knowingness about what is going on inside you when it does start happening.

    2) Daily Journaling - Type or write anything and everything you want to say about this "looking"...what are you feeling while its happening....what are you feeling after it happens...how does it make you feel about yourself....Dont focus on the looking itself but on HOW it makes you feel about yourself.

    3) Get into Breathwork - Pranayama breathwork, holotropic breathwork and Rebirthing too.... and focus on these feelings that this experience stirs up inside you and then BREATHE through it....this will help loosen you up inside so that you can start releasing the hold this has on you.

    4) Try EFT - Especially " Faster EFT". Check You Tube. There are videos in Faster EST that will guide you through the EFT process. It really helps untangle the hold this experience has over you.

    5) Try hypnosis or learning self hypnosis or guided visual meditations in a group setting. Focus on your issue while going within and see what associations, metaphor, symbols and meanings come up around this experience.

    6) Sedona Release Method -They have a website you can join. Worldwide seminars. Fee Monthly Teleconference calls. Free audio videos. They focus on "releasing" all the obstacles and barriers that we carry around inside ourselves so that we can be free and fully functional.

    7) Kundalini Yoga and Gong or Crystal Sound Healing - You need to move the blocked energy (feelings) that are stuck and creating this repeating pattern in your life. This stuff really resonates with and speaks to your body and that is where all your feelings and memories are stored.

    7) Lastly, ask yourself...Do you remember a time that you felt ashamed or bad about yourself when you were growing up? Does the way you are feeling now about yourself seem familiar to you in any way? Does it remind you of an earlier feeling or an earlier memory? Focus on the feeling memory.

    Check out your local MEETUP.COM for hypnosis, meditation and breathwork groups...

  • Eva

    I'm glad you are all making it possible for people to open up and share their experiences with this condition. To the guy from Nepal who writes:

    "my eye muscles keep on moving inside my head, like in my brain. Not only that, I get this sensation of my face tightening, not just around my eyes upper side, but it also constantly moves from the left side to the right side of my face... This muscles tightening thing then gets stuck on the upper part of my nose, like not on the tip of my nose, but on the upper part towards the forehead."

    This sounds more like a tic disorder than OCD. It may well be related to your head injury. Try to get an appointment with a psychologist, neurologist, or psychiatrist. Once you have a diagnosis maybe the best way of dealing with the problem at school is to inform the teachers and ask for permission to speak to the class. You can tell them about your condition and let them know how upset you are that you do not have control over it. They may think this weird, but weird is better than offensive. The good news is that tic disorders can be successfully treated.

  • raju

    many many thanks i get this topic here. from 1 month i trying to communicate with a scycologist. and all tyme searching on internet about my those problem.. now i happy to see that i am not alone with this problem. and also feel happy that i i must overcome from this problem with all you advisers..

    many many thanks to all.

  • Ryan M.

    I have a similar issue to the person mentioned in the article. I have the same unfortunate issue of wandering eyes that I can't seem to fully control. I can only delay it for a few seconds, usually by looking up or at something else. I also have problems looking people in the eyes for more than a few seconds before I get an intense headache that won't go away unless I break eye contact, and even then it won't completely go away until a little while later. I'm not sure as to what causes these things, and I hope somebody can find out because it is disturbing to me that I can't control my wandering eyes nor look someone in the eyes for more than 3 seconds.

  • Sahil

    Please Help Mee

  • sunshine

    Just wondering if anyone will organize something like support group meeting in toronto, I'm getting very isolated now because of this issue and the more isolated i get the worse the condition gets. its been such a long time torture.

  • Patrick

    I've had this problem for about a year. I used to be a very outgoing person with no real social issues, but since developing this staring disorder I mostly just sit around at my apartment all day. At work, I avoid talking to all but two people I've confided in, and put up with my problem.

    I hate that this happened. I was already depressed before this disorder, but now there's a crippling lonliness that makes it very difficult to keep trying every day. I frequently contemplate gouging out my eyes. I can't meet new friends or love interests because most people find it very offputting once they notice where I'm looking.

    I'm hoping to start therapy soon, I've heard this problem is a symptom of anxiety. On the days that I work out it tends to be a little better, but not gone.

    I know it's dumb, but I can't help but think this is the most unfair thing that can happen to a person. Everyone judges you so harshly, when we are all trying our best. It's just a misunderstanding! I don't mean to make people uncomfortable. I guarantee I feel ten times worse in my own head! But you can't say that to people. Because this condition is just too damn embarassing.

    The universe owes us nothing. Thinking about how unfair this is will do nothing, so it's best to just keep trying. All we can do is our best.

  • A Suffer from Nigeria

    This issue has really finished my life.i dropped out of my university in my final year cos people started noticing and even lecturers and it greatly wounded me.now i avnt lefy my house in 4yrs.my mom does everytin for me as mine is really serious.i av grown to an obesse level cos i stay in d house watching tv and eating while my nThis issue has really finished my life.i dropped out of my university in my final year cos people started noticing and even lecturers and it greatly wounded me.now i avnt lefy my house in 4yrs.my mom does everytin for me as mine is really serious.i av grown to an obesse level cos i stay in d house watching tv and eating while my n suffers all the stress.am 25yrs old but i av started writing letters cos am gona commit suicide soonest.i have lost friends to this and i now have serious heart pains.i took a psychiatric drug last yr as was prescribed but it almost killed me as my tongue came out and my neck bent to d left side but my parents rushed me back to the psychiatrist hospital and i was revived but my neck nrver got normal anymore as it is still abit bent and it affected my left hand andnleg.abit bent too.i can talk to any1 cos u stir just anyhw ,evrn stir at peoples properties and i dnt steal but they think i want to steal their stuffs.am done.i have to ll April.i just pity my mum,she really tried ,see d way i wana pay her back.

    good luck to those with hope.i wish u all wrll

  • Jay

    Dear everyone

    I thought I was alone until i stumbled across this page . I am somewhat relieved .

    I started to develop this problem when I was 14/15 years of age I am now 23 .

    At first I thought it was in my head , but It was appararnt judging by others body language that this was a problem .

    When it first began , I prayed and prayed . And similaraly to many of you at times I wanted to gaudge my eyes out .

    This has caused a great amount of pain, as it is something I carry everywere I go.

    From friends , to family to teachers , they have all noticed where my eyes drift towards , and believe me its extremely embarrasing .

    I have found that,keeping ones eyes occupied , say looking at a mobile or a newspaper or writing somethign whilst talking to people does help , but this is hardly a cure .

    In all my time I have never been confronted about this , apart from one guy in school who said " your weird " I said why , he said , " Its your eyes , are you gay or something "

    I find it torture whilst sitting next to people in meetings , the cinema , or even sometimes amongst family , my eyes just cant focus and I drift 180 degrees to my surroundings .

    I can see guys crossing thier legs , women crossing thier arms , guys looking down at thier privates to .

    I think the hardest part is , dealing with peoples body language , as it is then I start thinking that theyve noticed what Im doing .

    I have struggled to not let this interfear with my life , Ive found placing hands in certain positions , on ones face whilst talking does help , but again far from a cure .

    Allthough i have stuggled , this problem does not have the same power over me as it used to . And yes , I have gone through depression and to some extent still going through . But life goes on !

    I found the attitute " i dont care what they think about me , im doing nothing wrong , i cant help it " does help .

    I am on the verge of compelting my studies ,and will now look for work . I wont let this beat me . Underneath were all good honest people , just very misunderstood by the world .

    I wish you all the best , please keep posting advice/hints/tips

  • Alex

    Helow I'm very happy to hear your voice i have Sam issu

    Mor then 7yrs really we need to arange group as to share our information any one who live in scandanavia like swedan denmark or norway please we must connect all guys wish yu best ever body cure is near neve giv up

  • Melvin

    I also have the same problem its hard trying to make new friends also since I moved, im by myself no one to go out with no one who understands my problem and that can cheer me up, school as been very very very very hard peolple talk about me even if im nothing but kind to them its hard me to get made fun of in hs and college i want to tell them i have a problem but cool kid inside of me cant show weakness. The dr that i went to see thinks i went there only for drugs because the way i look. If anyone is in nyc or close to dc reply there email

  • mon

    Hai frnds, I am too suffering frn same problem. I get insulted due to this only God should help me. I am dying. I am going to get married with in a year so pls help me

  • Anonymous-99

    How about a meeting(face to face)

  • Anonymous-100

    suffering for 9/10 years. still not out of it .but now more or less better.

    share it to one who can understand you and b a positive person.

    don't talk eye to eye( if not for short time and very necessary).see any thing around if you are uncomfortable.

    some times people creats situation that we can't but notice. b out spoken/make joke/b normal/praise them.

    if we are looking 1%,scaring we may look 99% so let the matter when it happens.don't think all the day.

    what people think about us that we care the most and this is our only problem.i thing we have to be little more selfish.

    i only scares this may not spread to my next generation.

    for me you all are my silent friends.

  • Alex

    Good idea where do you live you mr meeting how can we meet

  • angel

    hi gUys

    for the past couple of months, i have been following your experiences and recommendations, but now i think i have to forward something based on my experiences. i have been having the same problem for a while, as a student it was too hard to deal with OCD, then i go to a psychiatery and got medication and therapy. well the medication is SERTRALINE which is helping me alot. not a complete cure but now atleast i can interact with peoples with out my eyes wondering. in addition i also following this youtube video guide about OCD treatment and some practices and theories about comfronting it has helped me. and remeber every problem has a solution! don't give up and don't think about it (i know it is hard) but try to occupy your self with something specially sport activities like running, biking, swiming......day by day the tendency will deminish as you keep practiing it with other people.

    i hope it helps!

    cheeers

  • Gina

    Hello, I am sorry to hear about everyone else that has this problem. I thought that it was just me, but we should all be relieved that- together- we can find a solution to stop all of this eye nonsense!!

    My PROBLEM started 7 years ago. I am a house cleaner & never had a problem with looking at people in the eye. My newer customer had a rather large chest and was kinda- bludging out of her shirt. Yes, ANYONE would notice that & LOOK for a second! We should never blame ourselves for a quick glance, it's perferctly normal. If men or women are wearing tight provacative clothing or certain area's- are hanging out, almost everyone would look. They expect that, I'm sure & it's fine if people dress a certain way or have larger features. So anyways, I am NOT into women, quick glance when she was talking to me. I was thinking- look at her face, look at her FACE!

    Then like a switch, great, almost every day since, I CAN NOT look people in the eye & since I can't do that anymore, it feels like my eyes (have a mind of their own) are kinda looking at a person's private area's. Oh my gosh, why, why???!!! I also feel like I just robbed a bank or something. Concentrating extremely had to focus on the eyes, I feel nervous, blank stare & must look guilty. Then of coarse, as much as I try, my eyes wander. All of my customers, family & friends must think that I am crazy. One customer won't even make eye contact anymore with me for the last 3 years. At least for the few years before that, she knew that I COULD look her in the eye.

    It doesn't matter who it is, my eyes will not go there! It is even more embarrasing when talking to family members. I feel like a PERVERT!! I have had a few DRs appointments, uuugh, job interviews. I feel like a psycho, pervert and I can tell that people are uncomfortable. This is absolutely HORRIBLE.

    I have been self-employed- house cleaning for 16 years. It is extremely stressful most of the time. All of my customers ended up further and further away, people following me around, sleeping or have to be constantly in my way when I am trying to clean. Also lock-outs, not leaving the check, cancellations, being broke, too far to drive/traffic & old car that needs repairs. I never wanted to be self-employed, but the company that I worked for closed without notice and said that I could do it on my own. Big mistake.

    This is WHY I think I or others can't look people in the eye or look at private areas. With me I think that with contant STRESS, year after year after year, my body/brain DOES NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH IT ANY MORE!! I am sure that my brain does not want to look at my customers, talk to my customers & not even be doing what I'm doing anymore for work. There must be a point where something in the brain shuts off.

    I think that the brain does NOT want to deal with that situation anymore and will NOT have it anymore. So I go to look at a customer, NO, my brain says, I will not allow you look them in the eye anymore, we're done! So, we force our eyes somewhere else. Well the chest area is the second place to look then (I mean where else), women have breasts, uuuggg not there, ok, look somewhere else, keep looking down, more private parts, ugggggggg, not there, not there!! We are NOT being perverts, I think that:

    1. Extreme stress & depression causes our brain to want to 'opt out' of dealing with it. Communicating is something that is not an option anymore.

    2. Force brain/eyes to look elsewhere then. Naturally chest, then lower- privates parts.

    3. We really can't talk to someone by looking at their arms, hands, legs or feet. So maybe that's the only option our brain will give us.

    4. This helps me: Concentrate on what the person talking, is saying. They are 'on stage', not you. Watch their facial expressions, look AROUND THEIR FACE, look completely away too, every few seconds. Look at eyes, mouth, nose like you are taking in what they are saying. I'm trying to totally get out of my blank stare (don't look down there) look.

    Have you heard the saying 'I can't even LOOK at you right now, I'm so mad'! Or when a dog did something he shouldn't have & when you look at him in the eyes, he looks embarrased and doesn't want to make eye contact.

    I noticed that in the last few months, I have gotten more out of the line of work that I have been. And for a few days or longer here and there of little or no stress, I CAN look people in the eye & no looking at private areas! Oh my gosh, some HOPE!! This last week, lots of stress. Then guess what, HORRIBLE eye contact & extreme nervous feeling. I know for sure it's stress related.

    I think with all of us, someone or something has caused us some terrible, terrible stress, anxiety, guilt, anger or depression. Then the body will not allow us to look at ANYONE anymore. It seems like a self-traumatic-stress disorder.

    Please try to figure out what event(s) may have caused this. Then release it from your life. Find HAPPINESS, make CHANGES. Forgive and forget. If you can't change it, let it go. Apologize, new job, new relationship, do whatever it takes.

    I just got a new job today and I won't be struggling with money anymore. I am hoping that these last 16 years of stress is what has caused my problem & it will go away soon, soon, sooooon! Otherwise I have been thinking of getting me help. If it stays, I think that I will just tell every person that I talk to- 'no I'm not a pervert, no I'm not guilty, I just had a stress over-load & my brain wants to take a break from normal behavior, while having a conversation.

    Someone in this forum mentioned that an inner-ear infection can be linked to eye contact disorders. I have had clogged-ear problems exactly when this first started happening. Hmmmm, I will look into that. After five different Dr's over the years, still nothing is working. It affects my speech when my ears are clogged, which also is a major problem. They say it's ear fungus or water behind the ear drum.

    I will pray for everyone to get this problem out of their lifes. So glad that we can all be in contact about this, it helps a lot to know that it's not just me.

    Keep strong, it's not your fault. Everyone has something weird that they may not like that they do. This is hard to deal with, I know, but we all will figure it out. Maybe we can keep a weekly log of events that make it better or worse and keep on posting things to help eachother. I'll post again to see if it goes away with new job.

    Thanks, Gina

  • Anonymous-101

    This page isn't helping me at all , i have the same problem and my life is literally falling down , when i look at comments it seems like NO BODY got 100% cured right ? can it be fully cured ? can we get our lives back or we have to deal with it until we die ?

  • Guy from Boston

    Hi Everyone,

    Thank you all so very much for sharing your thoughts and for the person responsible to open this chat, it is a big relief knowingI I am not alone and not happy some other people have the same problem.

    I had the same symptom for quiet some time and I hate to say that trying to fix it, sometimes just makes it worts because you focus on it and it gets bigger. I am very sorry the social life and family life is suffering but I have to say this: First your family and close friends think you are gay or perverted or psycho or whatever, which I am not at all, and after so many years later they see you are just suffering in silence and they start to accept you the way you are after they get you through an extensive watch. I do believe this: if we really forget about it, it will disapear and we will heal, we should grow out of it. Most importantly I am looking forward to reading more here, getting to know all of you and help as much as I can. I am in Boston suburb and if anyone would like to get together, either in cyber or in real life for a cup of tea or a game, please let me know.

    The guy with the idea of the glasses and the tape, really made me laugh, I am happy it worked, I want to laugh about this condition as much as possible.

    Before I go I would like to metion also and to add to whatever the guy from Australia had mentioned about the other OCD name Intrusive thoghts Disorder, where else could it come from if it is not from Satan? So I am looking for help from god in my prayers for me and for all of you .

    My support go to all of you.

  • Kay

    I was just on the net researching this problem. My therapist asked me last week why I can't look her in the eyes. I try but I just can't maintain I contact for more than about three seconds. I think the reason I have trouble in making eye contact is due to an attachment disorder. My mother would always yell at me to look at her and I was always so frightened by the look in her eyes. Then she would pinch my cheeks and turn my head to make me look at her. When I cried she would take me to the bathroom and make me look at myself in the mirror while I cried so I could see how ugly i was. She would tell me there are just some children that only a mother can love and then there are children that nobody can love , I wonder what kind a child you are. I grew up thinking that I was unloveable, ugly, retarded, and the devil's child. I spent 33 years of my life before she died trying desperately to get her to love me. Her last words to me on her deathbed," when you were born, I should've taken one look at you look at you and pinched your head off and flushed you down the toilet." I have always felt that I was unworthy of love because I have always been such a bad person from the day I was born. When I was born I was suppose to have been a boy but instead I was a fat, ugly, girl, that she didn't have a name for. My 12 year old brother had to name me.

    When I look people in the eyes, I feel like they can see all the bad and ugly stuff that's inside of me. I Believe that when they see all that bad and ugly stuff, that they too will find me unlovable and not worthy of their friendship or love. It's just easier and safer not to get too close because it will hurt so bad when they finally discover who I really am. I just don't think that my heart can survive being broken anymore.

    Therapy is so dam hard! There are days that I really don't know if I'll ever discover who I really am Or if I will even like who I find I really am. It frightens soul to think that she might be right!

    Thanks for not looking at me while you read this!!

  • guardian003

    Hey, I've posted before but just wanted to talk about a story that kinda relates to this as well. When I was in my early teens and went to church, I used to stare at bags of people if they were in front of me without me wanting to. As it became worse, people started to notice and would grab their bags as if i wanted to steal. I think it relates to this since it has a lot to do with fear. Fear reinforces this. I don't remember when I was able to conquer this, but this staring ocd thing is much worse, there is a lot of fear and a lot to lose. I think we all know also that it is ocd, had it since childhood. God helps us all

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