The Nature Of Suicide

This introductory document discusses suicide; the taking of one's own life. It is intended to educate readers about the nature of suicide.

  • Research indicates that the risk for suicidal behavior or suicidal tendencies is elevated due to substance use disorders, particularly alcohol abuse. If you are abusing alcohol or other illicit substances, please read about treatment here.

However, if you are seriously considering committing suicide right now, you don't need education about the nature of suicide.

  • You need immediate support from caring people who can help you get through this crisis and rediscover meaning in your life.
  • You need to stop everything else and get help as soon as possible, no matter how badly you feel, because otherwise, you may kill yourself in short order.

If you are seriously suicidal right now - if you know that you will harm yourself unless something happens very shortly to stop you from doing so - PLEASE take the following steps right now:

  • Go to the nearest emergency room (or have a friend or family member take you there) and tell the admitting staff there that you are "acutely suicidal".
  • If you cannot get yourself safely to the emergency room, call the emergency operator (911 in the United States) and ask for assistance. Again, tell the operator that you are acutely suicidal and require immediate help.

"Acutely" Suicidal

Your use of the term "acute" tells the people you're speaking with that you are in immediate danger of committing suicide right now, and that they need to act quickly to help keep you safe.

If you are still reading (and not on the phone with an emergency operator, or already on the way to the hospital), we'll take it as a sign that you are not acutely suicidal right now.

Though you may not be in crisis this moment, you may be experiencing a great deal of emotional pain nevertheless, and seeking information about how to best deal with that pain.

  • If that is the case, feel free to skip over this introductory article and go right to our article discussing practical tips and suggestions for coping with and managing suicidal feelings and thoughts.
  • If you are a friend or family member seeking practical information about how to deal with another person who is suicidal, we have another article written specifically for you. We hope you will find this practical information to be useful.

If you are still reading, we'll take that as a sign that you have a few minutes to spend learning about suicide (rather than just reacting to it). It's useful to learn about the nature of suicide, because knowing this information can help you to keep your suicidal feelings (or the suicidal feelings of a loved one) in perspective, and can thus make you more able to manage those feelings, rather than be managed by them. In this article:

    • We lay the foundation for our discussion of suicide by first defining the types of behaviors and thoughts that fit the definition of "suicidal".
    • We then share important information concerning the number of people who commit suicide each year, and their typical characteristics and issues.
    • We also discuss why someone might commit suicide. We end our discussion with a some societal recommendations for the prevention of suicide.


Keep in mind that you always have the option of picking up the phone and calling for help should you become overwhelmed by suicidal feelings while reading this article.

  • Call the emergency operator (911 in the United States) or take yourself to the emergency room at the local hospital.
  • Call a suicide hotline. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline phone number is: 1 (800) 273-8255.
  • Taking these actions will help keep you safe.
  • Maybe not entirely comfortable; maybe embarrassed; maybe even ashamed; but safe, nevertheless.
Comments
  • JENNY GULLIS

    i I HAVE TRIED TO COMMIT SUCIDE LOTS OF TIMES BECAUSE I COULD NOT COPE EACH TIME I WAS SAVED. YOU CAN TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND WITH HELP ,BUT BE PATIENCE IT WILL HAPPEN

  • Anonymous-1

    THANKYOU .NOW I KNOW THERE IS SOMEONE TO HELP ME.THANKS AGIAN.

  • Anonymous-2

    I have been depressed for many years and suicidal for the past four. From my perspective help only exist for individuals that society considers worth saving. My feelings died a long time ago which allows me to talk about this subject without emotion. If I take my life it will be done privately and in extreme seclusion, because of this society is indifferent about my existence.

    What bothers me is not that I am considered expendable but that Mental Health advertisements do not qualify the type of individuals they are interested in helping. When someone like me seeks help only to find that I don't qualify it is like dangling a steak in front of a starving dog. It actually increases stress and depression.

    For example,

    Your web-site should say something like "If you are depressed and you you are worth saving please read on. If you are a single loner, unattractive, below average intelligence and financially corrupt please leave our web-site immediately but God bless"

    Sounds funny perhaps but mental help is really just a placebo if you do not have anything to offer society.

    I think that people like me should die, afterall we are consuming resources that desirable people could be using. But there is no respectful way of doing it so I endure each day hoping that something will happen to end it. It would be much smarter for society to distribute leathal dose of drugs to people like me.

    This posting is not a request for help because I do not believe help exist, rather it is just an expression of my frustration. What do I think will happen from this postings creation? Well Nothing -- someone may read it afterwhich it will be immediately disqualified and then discarded as garbage.

    OR

    Someone will trace this message by ip address to my Email account and then encourage me to get help which is of course in my view a waste of time. Society just can't admit to itself that it is ok with some type of people to die.

  • Paymon

    to author of "Placebo"

    Please email me at paymonm@aol.com. This isn't necessarily an offer of help, and I can't promise any hope. I feel what you wrote is very true, though only in this current time and culture (mainstream U.S. white culture). I am a 35y.o. physical therapist currently on disability while getting chemotherapy and other treatments for colon disease. I am also a writer, and my first college degree was in English from UC Berkeley, with my associates degree in history from SCC. My current research and writing on modern day American culture (contrasted with older cultures) involves many of the sentiments you expressed. I promise I won't exploit your problems or privacy, nor will I preach or offer unwanted help. The marginalization you experience doesn't sound like a reflection of your actual worth (definitely not entirely). You sound like an intelligent person with healthy emotional needs living during a very historically rare time and place where/when society is organized in the best way to serve the economy, rather than the economy being organized in the best way to serve society (the economy is also extremely monopolized, but this has happened before, usually leading to a revolution). None of the traditions that structured society to meet people's emotional needs throughout most of historically stable times and places exist today. I'll give you a few examples. Hopefully you will understand these and write me. There are no places , usually in the geographical center of populations, where people congregate around to see each other, interact socially, worship, trade, meet new people to date,, etc. (In my mother's country overseas, food is still bought daily in the small markets in each town.) There are no proven traditions that unify people, provide wisdom, and, again, bring people together (American Indian tradition was lost, and, with a few exceptions, immigrants lose their culture within 2 generations.) American culture is really a lack of culture rather than an accumulation of cultures. Those who hold on to their cultures are viewed with some resentment. The millenium old tradition of living with family, which helps individuals pool economic resources and offer each other emotional support, is looked down upon! Instead, youth rent small studios, giving landlords money that could have gone back into the family and towards new marriages. This leaves people single into their 40s, parents, especially widows/widowers, living alone, leading to accelerated loss of faculty from isolation, instead of sources of wisdom and stability. Furthermore, all these phenomenon which lead to depression, isolation, weakening of families, weakening of (non government) institutions, economic insecurity, fear etc, are encouraged , and ultimately lead to a reliance on government for protection, subsistence/ insufficient health care, Medicare, etc. Please email me, and let me know your gender, nationality/ cultural background, age, and general geographic area you were born and currently live (US: northeast, southwest, deep south, west coast, midwest, etc.). You can help me gain greater insight into these issues by at least answering those few simple questions hopefully you will be helped as well by understanding the basis of some of your feelings. If you want, we can correspond past just a single email, and I can share some of my findings with you.

  • Andy

    My thoughts very much eco Placebo's. If I kill myself, it will be a rational, and even an affirmative act to end the indignity of repeatedly asking - no, begging for appropriate help when in a state of suicidal despair, only to find that help is not forthcoming. I say this as someone diagnosed with a major psychiatric illness (manic-depression) which has an extremely high incidence of suicide. I am convinced that the only way I might be listened to about my suicidal urges would be if I took a non-fatal drug overdose as a cry for help. This I refuse to do. I am increasingly feeling that I would rather die by my own hand than struggle on in an impaired state without true support from those who should be helping me. I am very isolated now, and I don't see any prospect of that changing. My family are all dead and I am without friends (Ionce had many). I am tired of accounting for my sickness and unhappiness to people who don't know me and can't pretend to understand. All in all the quality of my life seems so low and the prognosis so bleak, that the only thing I now derive any comfort from is the fact that perhaps the one meaningful self-determined act left to me is to take my own life.

  • Anonymous-3

    Great.

  • Survivor

    I've had experience over the years regarding suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts. What saved me several years ago (and prompted me to finally get the help I needed) was an e-Book called "The Forever Decision". It's primarily aimed at young people, but it speaks to all ages. Read it everyday. Follow it's advice. It will help you see that suicide is NOT the answer. LIFE is the answer. It will get you through the day, one day at a time, until you finally realize you want to live. The e-book can be found at www.qprinstitute.com/forever.htm. It's free, and a source of comfort, no matter what your age.

  • I Need Help

    I'm a young girl who wants to commite sucide really badly. I've had this friend ( a girl ) for 3years now. About a year ago I started to have feelings for her. I think then I fell in love with her. I couldn't stop thinking about her, she became all I ever thought about. All I ever wanna do now is be with her but with no one else there with us. I started hanging out with her more and became even more in love with her. Whenever I see her hanging with other people, I get jealous and angry and upset. About 6 months after falling in love with her my whole world collapsed. She started hanging out with other people and completely forgot about me. I think I'm annoying to her now because she seems like she hates me and she never wants me there. I know sometimes friends grow apart but I never wanna grow apart from her, she became my whole world, the whole reason I lived, and the only reason to live. I was more concentrated on her then anyone or anything else in the world. I didn't care for anything or anyone but her. I lost all my friends because I ignored them and spent more time on trying to be with her or thinking about her. She just doesn't want to be with me anymore and she finds it annoying when I'm around especially when we are somehow together alone. I can't get her back to liking me again, there's no way it's possible and I can't afford to make things worse if I try. Everytime She walks away from me or when I see her having fun with somebody else, I just want to die. Things will never be like they use to and I can't stand that. I can't stand not being with her or her hating me like this. There's no point in living anymore, she hates me, all of my other friends hate me, I'm doing worse in school, I'm doing worse in sports, and I've been eating less and worked my way into " starvation mode ". This has been going on for about 7-8 months. I dont wanna live anymore because there's no point if it means not having her. I know that I should forget about her and start with someone else but I don't want anyone else because I can never love anyone else the way I love her and no matter what I'll never stop loving her. Should I kill myself? What should I do?

  • Dr. Allan N. Schwartz

    The answer to your question is "NO, You should not commit suicide. You are very young and need to learn a lot more about love, romance, sexuality and hope. Perhaps this other girl is not a lesbian or perhaps she does not know how you love her or perhaps there are a dozen other explanations for her behavior. What you must realize and understand is that there are other people to love, that there is always tomorrow, that there is always hope. I want to urge you to get into psychotherapy immediately. BUT, if you are really suicidal, with a plan to hurt your self, GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM OF THE NEAREST HOSPITAL, TELL THEM YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL AND ALLOW THEM TO HELP YOU.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Jamie

    I am now 25 and my birthday is in may. I have so many things including cutting my wrists, arms, and legsand overdosed countless times. It started when I was about 15 with the cuttingand when I was 17 it got really bad and my best friend found out and I still don't know how to this day and she will never tell me, but she told authorities and the principal and the 2 councelors sent me to see a shrink. that was a waste of time because i was there for about a half hour and then she asked me the question "Do you promise to never do this again?" that told me that when I said yes and she believed me which she did, that she never had a clue as to what she was dealing with there. that afternoon I cut and I felt better in a way that I could not exsplain to anyone else. At the time I was trying to get out of a relationship with an abusive boyfriend of 5 years. i couldn't take it anymore and I was taking it out on my arms and legs.

    As if that wasn't bad enough, I was raped when I ws 18 my senior year on valentines morn and it was by my best friends twin brother. I started shortly after to do the overdosing act. Since then, I had overdosed for what I belived was a good reason almost 1 1/2 years ago and found out that what I thought was a great time of floating and no pain, resulted in my fiannce being the most inconciderate ass in the world because he never even asked WHY I had done it. Just told me I was a stupid F******* idiot for doing and to deal with it. i had tried to call the hospital and could hold the phone or dial. I remebered that I had speed dial and so I hit a number to a friend that I knew would just be there to at least make sure I wasn't going to die sonce the hospital said they couldn't really do anything but give me IV at that point. I was so sick and never told the local hospital who I was, where i was, and blocked my call, but called the next day to tell them I was still alive and they were concerned because they wanted to send someone after me. I found out later that I had overdosed so badly that the chances of someone surviving that much of the med was nearly unheard of and the fiannce relized that he should have taken the situation on differently.

    I am not with that man anymore but have moved on and am with the one that was there for me and the best part is, we communicate better than we ever have. He understands that with bipolar, you think of some of the worst things ever, and it can be absolutly grusome to every detail and be so unheard of ever being truly done, but if you can talk to someone about everything going on each day, and they really care for you, that you will most definatly get through it and not go through with it.

  • Anonymous-4

    I understand where you are coming from and totally agree....

  • Rhonda Sundown

    Hi all. Again here I set at the computer, I am having difficulty trying to fall asleep and actually do not fill like even taking some meds that might help me fall to sleep. I just went to my therapist today and again I leave her office thinking I am a burden and I should not be here. The thoughts of how to take my life are flooding my head. I have tried numerous times and I always seem to fail. I am a true failure, I have failed at being a mom, wife, employee and patient. I wish there was a button I could push that would make the suicide feelings leave my head and bring me some happiness. Well I think I will again try to relax and fall asleep and if I am lucky I will not wake-up in the morning. I know wishful thinking. For all those that do think alot about suicide I truely feel for you. It would nice if we could just push a button that take care of all our problems.

  • Vlada

    Many of us find that life just sux, but still you're so caring and doing your best to keep a positive attitude.Thats really admirable. Please don't push yourself too much and take care. Hope you'll feel better some day soon.
    I, too, have always been thinking that I'm just a bloody pain not only for my the-rapists but also for my loved ones and anybody around me. To me the thoughts about death is extremely relieving, and I don't really understand why lots of people seek for good-health and long-living... And me too often wish that there's a kinda magic button, but mine will not be so forward-looking one but just "quite" button

  • Stacey

    i'm 16yrs old girl, i've thought about killin myself for about 6yrs now, i feel like i was born with this feelin. when i was 12 i was sleepin next to a paedophile every friday and satuarday night, dont ask how it happened. soon after relising she was a peadophile i discovered i was totally infatuated and inlove with this 38yrs old woman. all my life i have been bullied at school, been to 6 schools didn't finish yrs 9 but went back for yrs 10. my life started gr8 i was a happy kid, with a great sport (horse riding) and a great horse, i won state at 13 and won twice at the biggest one day event in victoria when i was 10 and 11, so i've been very good and had alot of success at my sport. the day my world turn to hell when i was about 10 and my dad cheeted on my mum for the first and last time in there 18yrs marrige. his girlfriend the worlds worst person in the world, the first person to changemy world of gold to a world of hell. when i was 15 and 16 i was muckin around with a girl who was mentaly fuckin me over and i was physical doin things with her, 21yrs guess she's a bit of a peado to, after endin things with her thanks to mum i soon relised i was totally in love with her too.after havin your heart rippet out and stomped on by 2 people i finally started going out with my best friend who treats me better than i've evr been treated but the only problem with that is that when it all fuks up who can i turn to... i work ridin race horses so i get up at 2.15 in the mornin to start work an hour away at 4, its a death wish, the horses r nuts, it doesnt matter how gooder rider u r they'll get u of one day, i fell of 3 times in 1 week. i recently just fell of and had to go to hospiatl but the prob is i pass out with needles, totally grosed out by blood and veins and well my hole body, so passin out the hole time in hospital probable makes my job a little harder considerin we get paid so much cause we'll prob end up in hospital. every night before i go to sleep i wish i was dead. i've had to many panadole tryin to kill myself but didn't work (as u can tell i'm not the smartest cooki or a good speller or anythin) really all i can do is ride a horse. i've sat next to train tracks for a hole day and then got told by my 21yrs friend whom by the way has a boyfriend that i was to gutless to kill myself, sometimes i think she's right but then sometimes i think i'm waitin for the right opitunity and the first time i really try somethin i'm gonna do it properly. i've planned how i wanna kill myself its just where. i dont know what to do, this is only a bit of my life i wish i could make sense of the rest.

  • lisa

    There is always help but sometimes we dont know how to ask. Everybody wants to fell needed in some way.When you think your not good enough because you didnt finish school or dropped out in yr 9.Well I dropped out in yr 9 but I went to tafe later in life and became a chef which I find very rewarding.Always believe in yourself that is the first step in the right direction.Pick up a book you never thought you would read.Life is to short to waste it.Stop thinking suicide THE ONLY PEOPLE YOU HURT THERE ARE YOUR FAMILY OR CLOSEST FRIENDS WHO HAVE THE REST OF THEIR LIVES TO THINK WHERE DID WE GO WRONG .JUST ENJOY LIFE AS MUCH AS U CAN ENJOY.

  • stacey

    thank you very much, i've been to the doctor who sent me to the hospital, so i'm on my way to gettin help, thenk you again xox

  • Anonymous-5

    I believe somehow I have been predisposed to suicide. It runs in my family(2 of them) and so does depression. Even my husband and his family are all depressed and has had two suicides in his family. You would think he would understand me and try to support and help me but he just is over it. He has to be one of the strongest contributing factors to me feeling so alone and hopeless yet he is good with that.

    I wish I had the strength to do one thing or another but I don't. I am physically weak to the point I can barely think. All I want to do is go to sleep. I am so alone with all of my thoughts but there is just nothing I can do to change any of it. I feel like I am physically and literally trapped in Hell. The real Hell.

    I would like to get help if I thought I could. The doctors that I have seen just himhaw and guffaw at me. It is so dehumanizing. To reach out and talk to anyone in my family would be shameful and embarrassing if I were to see/talk to them again. So what to do? I can totally understand why my mother killed herself when she was just 26 years old and I wasn't quite 2. When you have chronic pain and no one cares you do what you think is right for yourself. As for the other suicides - I totally get them too. Sometimes it's just all too much to take.

    I would like to leave with one parting word for the doctors out there - try to be a little more compassionate with your patients. Sometimes they just need someone to understand how they're feeling and a little help can go a long way. Isn't that why you got into the profession? More than just fixing broken bones. We are more than just a physical body. Dig a little deeper sometimes.

  • Curiepoint

    ...that suicidal thoughts and behavior are almost always couched in terms of what it would mean to those you leave behind? I didn't ask for this life. You know what? Screw the kids, the ex-wife, the friends who are always too busy, and the fiancee who is too immersed in fucking a series of other men so she can "find herself". It becomes readily apparent that with a Potato-Head in the White House waging a war so he can get into the history books, with a society that delights in the misery of others in the name of entertainment, and with employers who expect total loyalty but give none in return, this life is a cesspool.

    Drugs...sure, let us keep people from despair by putting them on a course of life-long poison. Only, what happens when you find yourself suddenly without a job and hence no insurance to pay the $60 a pill? Even if you manage to maintain the addiction, you will be on it for life. No thanks there's no dignity in keeping yourself alive so you can make some pharmacuetical company wealthy.

    Seeking help...do you know what happens when you go to the emergency room for despair? When they finally get around to you, they first try to determine if the three hour wait in the lobby helped to dispel the urges. If not, you will be treated as the biggest inconvenience to their day. They need the bed for someone else, and here you are occupying it. If they ship you off to a mental health facility, you are warehoused in a ward with every drooling, pathetic bozo out of a cheap movie. There is no help here, only more indignity. By seeking help, you are immediately rendered without rights, and without representation.

    Give me one good reason to continue to live...Go on, I dare you.

  • ImDone

    Never heard it put so well.

  • Michael...

    Im 16 about to be 17 and my life is going down and im not sure what to do my friends just use me but Im still hanging out with them and i even hate myself more then them and my mom and dad split up and my dad never talks to me so i really dont care about him but lately ive become very depressed ive isolated myself in my room from everyone im doing horrible in school because i really dont give a damn about my life anymore none is helping me even though ive given out clues for any help at all so i dont care.

  • Michael...

    I really dont know if i should keep living.. im worthless i have no feelings and im starting to be overwhelmed in emotional pain.. When my family is hurt all i do is go to my room and ignore everyone calls me worthless because i dont care and ill be a failure.. Of course i care but none understands... I should just end it then i wont have to deal with this pain ive locked up... what do i do...

    Editor's Note: I'm very sorry to hear that you hurt so much. I hope you will read our article concerning what to do when you feel suicidal , as that article contains the best advice I could offer you.

  • Jasmin

    I really don't know what to do. Everything i seem to do..I fail at. Its almost as if i've been put on this planet to fail. This makes me feel like i'm worthless, useless and have no true meaning. I know i'm only 16 but its like all my friends know that they want to be when they're older then you have me...I just go along with whatever because i don't think i'm even going to be around that much longer because i dont see the point be me being around long enough to have a career just so i can once again fail at it. Failing so much at pretty much everything i do gets me really fustrated and angry then i get suicidal and try to find any means possible to get out of it...buty i just cant. Sometimes its around for the rest of the day other times everything is still around for a few days and it often increase my paranoia and the halucinations i have get worse. All i want to do is what they seem to tell me to....kill myself. I know it may not be real..but at the time it feels like its reality..almost like its the only thing i should obey. I just wish i knew how to get out of it all because i'm really not coping well anymore.

    Editor's Note: I hope you are under the care of a psychiatrist, as you would appear to be dealing with a rather serious depression with psychotic features, or something similar. This kind of condition really requires medical care there are medications that can reduce the hallucinations and help the depressive feelings to remit. You have not talked about whether you are being treated for your condition, but if you aren't, please do what you can to get yourself to a psychiatrist.

  • Michael..

    the pain you feel i know what you mean.. sometimes life gets to much but heh.. ive isolated myself in life filled with anger against everyone and they all think im gonna bring a gun to school makes me laugh... how f*cking ignorant they are

  • Anon

    I don't want to die, but I don't want to keep feeling like this. Nothing works out for me and I'm really just so tired of trying. I'm fat, even though I've lost 100 lbs, I'm still too fat to be considered attractive and at age 35, never had a relationship or a partner. I've tried having better self esteem, which feels like a farce since there are lot of thin people with no self esteem who are in relationships with people who seem to like them. I have a nice job, friends, I guess and an advanced degree, but I'm really lonely. Don't tell me to contact 911 or get help. I live in a small rural community and there is no way for me to seek help that will be kept confidential. I'm too visible in the community because of its demographic nature and I don't feel safe talking to my doctor, who is a bit of jerk and doesn't really care about me anyway. Not that anyone does. I don't know why I'm even writing this. I just wish I had the courage to do it and be done with it. I don't think there's hope or help. I've been in therapy and my therapist was a total insensitive loser. I think it's better if I just die.

  • Anonymous-6

    I understand the person who says that some people seem to be considered more worth saving than others. Resources seem to be concentrated on the young and there is nothing much for others who dont seem to be valued as much ie like me middle aged and ugly. people like us we are fobbed off and left to our own resources. If we are then forced to rely on ourselves then we make the decision which seems right to us whatever it is. I totally understand your thinking. You are not alone in your thoughts.

  • NOt GIving it our

    WHen i was 11 years old i came to the united states and everything in my life was great...i was really love by my family and i have great friends. Even though my mom and my dad were not together anymore i was still doing ok with my self. When i was eleven i never took my time to think about life and all the posible problems... i was just enjoying it. I went through 3 years of middle school with great friends and my family was great...by then, it was me my sister and my mom living in a 2 bedroom apartment.

    at begining of my freshman year we bought our own house. growing up i was always not talking..just observing things around me and the people..

    i was scared of dissapointing my mom and dad and the rest of my family who talks ceaselessly of how good of a kid i was.

    to make a long story short..when i was in 10th grade a rumor passed around the school telling everyone that i was gay....which wasn't true at all...all my friends started to look at me funny and by the end of the school year everyone in the school knew about it. ..I was a really skinny kid..sighns of weekness...for a black kid, i was really WHITE.

    I it was really painful to watch everyone eating with their friends at lunch and I just sat there just watching everyone else eating. I was all olone by myself.

    NOT TOo give much details_

    I fall for the wrong person...it was a way i never felt in my lilfe before..everything about her was perfect...her size, smile, laughter..the smell of her skin..ther wass nothing about her i did not like.

    she was the onlything in my life...know that The summer was almost over and i wouldn't see her as often anymore killed me. I couldn't eat or sleep right...i was wondering if she was talking to some oher guy...or was I fogotte.

    til this day..I my heart beats hard when i hear her voice.., i become weak when she talks to other dudess,if she would ever mention some other guy that would perhaps give me a head ach for 2 days or so..

    I just can't get over her...it reaped my reputation apart...

    and now til this day its stil killing me..

  • charli

    i'm supposed to be the tough girl.i don't want to care about what other people say about me or all the nasty looks i get day in and day out.and i really (really) don't want to sound like some whiny little suicidal kid.but when i really think about it theres no one who even gives a toss about me.

    it's all because of him,really,honestly.i was his best friend.and he dumped me so quickly.he gave me this fake excuse as to why he can't hang with me anymore.i am the only one who knows he's gay.and the only one who can accept it.he used to confide in me,all his dreadful secrets and i did the same with him.he was my everything.now he's hanging with all these fake people and he's just so fake.it sickens me.

    i hate it because theres absolutely nothing i can do.i have no other friends.my mum reminds me how much she hates me everyday.everyone hates me.new rumors are spread about me every 10 minutes.i dont see any point in liveing really.sometimes i think better of it.i long to tell people about everything and to come out of this alive.i want to prove everyone wrong and just throw it in their face.all i really want is to be loved i guess.i really despise admitting this.i want someone to sulk with so i dont feel so alone.you know the other day i called 1-800-Suicide and they hung up on me cause i "was lying".they didn't beleive me,that i was gonna kill myself at that very moment when i very much was.i was about to slit my throat when i glanced down and saw the book running with scissors by augusten burroughs.i dropped the knife.if he can survive then maybe i can,too?

    theres so much more to it than this.oh well i guess.

  • victoria

    i would never harm myself while pregnant. i would never harm my baby.

    i have three weeks til due date and have every intention of killing myself once the baby is born. the baby will have plenty of family and support, and i cannot see how it can miss a mother it never knew.

    this pain is overwhelming and i have experienced pain like it many times in my life. i am weary and burnt out. i have nothing left to give.

    i wish to close my eyes and cease to exist. a very comforting thought.

    Editor's Note: As you are pregnant, you are almost certainly under the care of doctors at this time. Please tell them that you are feeling suicidal so that they can help you. Depression at the time of birth of a baby is fairly common, and can in most cases be treated so that these feelings lessen or go away entirely. Your baby will be far poorer without you in her life then s/he will if you are there to help raise her and take care of her. This is true whether you are depressed or not.

  • Anonymous-7

    i have tried to kill myself numerous times. each time i fail. now i have a daughter to deal with and an annoying husband. i wish there was some way i could go back in time and stop everyone from trying to help me. if i was dead then i wouldn't be feeling this way again.

    my husband constantly threatens to leave me and take my daughter if i even cut again. the only thing is if i cut then i'm less likely to purchase a gun. each time i've tried to kill myself it seems to get more and more lethal. i guess i'm just tired of not succeeding.

    wish me luck. maybe i'll finally succeed and get out of this miserable existence.

  • Anonymous-8

    Things have been going wrong for a long while and I was sexually harrased and I had enough and finally got the courage to do something about it as I had been telling my bosses for years and they did not care. Well I told my husband and thing just all happened we going to court with my company and the guy but everyone talks about me like I did something wrong! Lately I feel im going crazy and no one knows but me and no one is going to help me.

    I have 2 kids and they my life and I would never leave them in this cruel world but the other day I dont know what happened I just know I could not take it and woke up and had drank 20 sleeping pills and slit my wrist. It was quite bad and I never thought I would do something like that especially because my brother committed suicide and I know how u hurt the people around you.

    I am in South Africa and wonder who helps people like me.................what if i get so upset aagin and really kill myself what about my babies? I have told my mother and my husband knows as he found me and my inlaws know but its like no one sees that I am not ok that I am cracking. ANyone know what i should do? I am seeing a srink at the state hospital but she just upped anti depo pills i told her were not wroking.

    Im afraid of myself sometimes.........

  • almost there

    I'm a vilsibly attractive 29 year old black woman. On the outside, i have the perfect life, two beautiful children, job, school, husband...the works. Only thing is ..... I am so unhappy with life and this existence!! I question"What is it all for? Why try to achieve in this life when we're all going to die anyway.

    I hate being pretty because I am always defending who I am and never being seen for my wonderful personality. I love people and life and I love beautiful things. I don't understand why God put me here to suffer in this miserable, unhappy world full of sin and extreme competition. I am always smiling and cheering people up, I'm a Gemini, but I can never find my own true happiness.

    My husband married me because of my looks and sexual nature, but now he's watching porn on the internet all the time, he's chatting with these exotic women and lord know's what else. I think that maybe he sees me as one of those women on the screen, but I"M NOT! I have a soft heart and it's been broken so many times. God, please take me back home. I don't like being here and I don't belong. I tried suicide twice before and had to be rushed to the hospital. They should have left me at home. Next time....I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL.

  • stop

    im 27 years old and i spend every day alone in my apartment because im afraid of other people.

    when i need to go out for groceries i put it off for days. then i spend nervous hours sweating in front of a mirror trying on different clothing to see what looks just right and nothing ever does. i used to look so beautiful.

    when i walk down the street i look straight ahead, otherwise people walking the other way might look at me. sometimes i get hot flashes if someone looks at me. it is difficult to speak with people due to both fear and apathy, so i avoid people as much as possible.

    sometimes i see other people outside my window who are all smiles and wonder why i dont enjoy my meaningless existence as much. i see no point to the life of any living thing but to procreate and continue life, and i refuse to be a pawn, a plaything, a thread in the shroud of such a world.

    others speak of love when they dont realize why nature has left them emotional. others look to the supernatural to derive some notion of importance over the daily bland. others lose themselves in habits they then trade their finite days and nights to maintain. i used to be so beautiful.

    my mental disorder set in during my early 20s, and although ive spent countless years researching i have not found any similar accounts online that fully encompassed the scope of my problems. perhaps this is because my mind has only scratched the surface of all that turned out bad in me.

    i write this so that whatever might be gleaned from my disorder can be accounted for if anyone ever searches for it.

  • Anonymous-9

    hey... well i'm sixteen,,, and i may not have been like other people here but i have been throught quite a lot..... i've been a cutter since i was 12 or 13 and i've tried suicide twice.. i failed of course cuz im still here.. i was reading the comments and wow... i thought i was the only one.. trust me eveyon e who's out there.. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING LIKE THIS. i looked for help and that didnt help one bit.. but thing with me was that i focusedtoo much with everyones elses problems and forgot about me.. i have a tendency to put myself last.. i put everyones else in front of me.... i cared about me less.. i' sixteen and i'm a counselor yo many many many many people.. i've been through it all.. i'm my mom's counselor.. i'm all of my friends counselor... i don't judge for what you do or what you did.. i hear what you say,, what i did to get myself out of the suicidal thought was i thought of everyone else that loved me and if that didn't work... i would think of ways to make myself useful to this cruel world.. ways that i can help.. i want to do so much in this world but i have so little time to do it.. i don't have a sickness or anything but.. a lifetime is to small for me for everything that i want to do... well i have to go just please read this

  • Mike

    I am a 39 year old who has been dealing with depression for decades. Currently I am at a point in my life that I see no use in going on anymore. I am in constant severe pain all the time from a bad car wreck five years ago. I am on morphine in high doses just to try and get the pain down to a level I can actually function. But there are days I can hardly move. Then there is the wife who I have left just a year ago for a few months and then she talked me into moving back in and promised she would change for the good. So now everything is back to where it was before I left her. She is very verbaly abusive to me and the kids. Always yelling and never happy at home. My therapist is doing everthing but begging me to move out again but permanently but for some reason I am having trouble doing so. So with all of this I have pretty much decided I have had enough. You can only put up with so much crap. I lied to my therapist and told her today i would be ok and not to worry, but that is not the case anymore. I am done with the drinking just so I can feel numb. I am done with the crack and weed just so I can feel no pain. What I want to do I will feel no pain at all and then it will be over.

    I have read through all the statements on this site and realized that there are so many people that feel just like I do for their own reasons. I am sorry to say I can not think of one thing to say to anyone of them to not go through with it. Why go through life hurting all the time? What exactly is out there that will make us happy... nothing...nothing at all. I actually tried to kill myself 12 years ago, I grabbed one of my rifle's and put a shell in it and put into my mouth and pulled the trigger and all that happend was a click. The damn shell didn't go off. It had a dent in the primer from the hammer but never went off. What kind of luck is that? Bad luck I tell you.

    Well I am done writting and wish all of you good luck in whatever you decide to do, me I am done I need the pain to go away.

  • Anna

    Im in a situation much like yours. If you like to chat, please cantact mr on my hidden e-mail tejoka@hotmail.com

    If I hadnt read your note, Id gone for a while ago, but I thougth if you contact me, there is someone to live for. I can just tell you from my own experiense, leave you exwife, she will never change, and you cant change her behaviour, its up to her, and have you seen anything change?

    Just a question, dont your kids need you? You remembered me of my sons, so write to me if you like. I will check this mail next week or so.

    I hope I will hear from you.

    Anna

  • Michael

    I was so down until I sat and spoke to an earth angel, thanks Joan for listening. I was feeling so lonely and felt that its time to go but may be there is someone somewhere who wants me to listen to them, I am so soft and warm hearted and easy to hurt, thats not good for a man to admit that but what the heck I am human. As for the sad story of the black lady please e-mail me (mcorke at tellumat dot com) if you would like to, just may be I am your angel. God bless you all tomorrow the sun will shine and around a corner an angel is waiting for you. Michael x x x

  • KML

    Hello to everyone , everywhere. Although I have never attempted to commit suicide,I had the thought run thru my mind many times,but realized I was to scared to go thru with it.I just wanted to tell everyone who has ever tried or even thought of suicide that IT IS NOT WORTH IT...I know from experience that life can be very tough.In my 26 years of life I have been thru very difficult situations,feeling very alone at times.I just recently lost my sis-in-law to suicide and I must say it is extremely difficult to cope with.She left many people who loved her lost, not knowing what to do without her ,including my three nephews and niece under the age of 10. When you are at that suicidal stage,PLEASE GET HELP.THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU WILL BE LEAVING BEHIND.Although you may be feeling as if there is nothing to live for or no one to love you,THERE IS.GOD blessed this world with your presence the day you were born,DON'T LET IT GO TO WASTE.Get the help that YOU need, so that you can be here for OTHERS going thru the same situation you once were in,that should be reason enough for you to be on this earth,living,breathing,taking it a day at a time,enjoying what life could offer.It's not all bad.The emptiness that is left to those who loose someone so tragically is devastating,so please consider it all before you make such a drastic and horrifying decision.YOU ARE WORTH SOO MUCH MORE THAN BEING 6 FEET UNDERGROUND..IT IS NOT YOUR TIME..TAKE CARE ALWAYS AND MUCH LOVE..

  • on the verge of doing it.

    I am now a 29 year old woman who has had suicidal thoughts throughout my whole life. I tried once and did not succeed. The thought is still always in my mind but I never talk about it to ANYONE...

    Now, I just learned that my mom, 54, wants to kill herself. She keeps saying things about it to my brother, sister and uncle and I am worried. She has alienated me from her life and I basically feel like I have aborted at age 29. She told me I dont know how to love and that I am not her daugher ( mind you, we used to be so close). All of a sudden she hates me and it putting all her anger out on me. She thinks I am siding with my dad and I repeat that there are no sides to be taken. Mind you, I have not spoke to my dad in montes. She is going through a bitter divorce from my father and is completely dillusional. SHe confuses love with money. She thinks no one is her for her, when we really are. She keeps pushing me away. She thinks if we give her money that is showing love, care and compassion. She is hooked to prescription meds, stopped going to work. Sleeps for 20 hours straight. She looks like she gained about 40 more pounds in the last month. Things do not look they will turn out well in this situation.

    I seriously think my family has a major history of mental illness that is still not out in the open till this day.

    I just feel hopeless and more alone than ever.

    Editor's Note: We have extensive information on how to help with suicidal crises in our suicide topic center which I hope you will look at. Specifically, you will want the helping a friend or family member chapter of that topic center, but the whole thing may be of use to you.

  • sad and confused daughter

    Please, don't give up...I lost my father five months ago next week to a very heavy depression with phsychotic features. He was 57 years old, dealing with mental problems for the past 23 years (that I know of). He refused to accept he had a mental problem, until last year in August when I was able to take him to a Mental Health Clinic for assistance. I can's say I know what he was going through because I have been fortunate to not experience his illness, but he has left us with a large dent in our hearts and we will never know why he did it or what trigered him to take his life and not think of all the people who care about him. His pain is gone, but our hearts will ache forever. A day does not go by that I don't think about him, pass the cemetery where his body lays to rest, and shed tears of sorrow for him. He was a very special man to me, always there when I needed him, gave me love unconditionally when he was not going through the stages of his illness. We were not able to recognize the severity of his mental illness because to us it was part of his personality, and he would soon get over it like he did several times before. It is a complete nightmate that we will never be able to understand, please find help...don't give up.

  • Ramon

    I have suffered from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and many other mental problems since I was 14. I am now 29, married with two children and am accepting the reality that very very soon I will exit this unending mental, emotional and spiritual torture that I suffer through on a daily basis. I feel that I have crossed a point in my life where there is no turning back. I am so mentally and emotionally sick right now I do not know who I am anymore. I have 0 friends, I can never leave the house and my marraige is beyond rocky. I have become an overgrown burden on my wife and mother. I' d rather go now then to stay around another 5-10 years and see how badly my kids are affected by my sickness. They are young enough now that when I go, a year or two later I will have been erased from their memories. All I think of is death. I want to know it and be close to it. I feel that I cannot express my true state of mind. Nobody understands. My wife and mother want me to get some help but only I know within my soul that I have already died. There is no saving me, no hope left. The only hope I have is to remove myself from the lives of the very few who care for me so that I will no longer cause them pain. My children deserve a better life then what I can provide. One last Christmas with my kids and then I'll be gone!

  • jaci

    The kids deserve daddy. Daddy just needs help. There are planty of people, plenty of resources. You took a step here by writting. That alone is helpful. No one wishes for your death. And you shouldn't either. I would much rather of had a father, even if he was sick. Because at least then, I would have known he was there for me..

    The world is not over. Your illness may be a key reason why your marriage is rocky. Maybe you need to get away and relax. Then go get some help. Help is a small trip away. If you don't try it, then you'll never know if it works. Push yourself further. You don't have anything else to do, right? Don't give up so soon. Please.

    I don't even know you, and I feel for you. I know the end of the world feeling. When everything around you feels worthless. I am not diagnosed with Bipolar, but I'm sure I will be ten years form now.

  • sad and confussed daughter

    Please don't give up, read my comment listed below yours and see what suicide can do to a family. Our family has been torn apart, I would give up anything in the world to have my dad back...mind you I am a 33 year old married woman with two children of my own. I am having a very hard time not having my dad around, not sure of what to do with the holidays coming up. Please look for help, there are med's out there to help with your illness, do not leave your babies without their father. I came to this site prior to my father's suicide to find him help and have the ability to understand his world a little better, but unfortunately it was too late for him because had already given up...don't give up and find the help you need.

  • Brittany

    I am 15 years old and i've been feeling really bad lately.I've been teased every since I was in kindergarten.Now that I am a sophmore in highschool I've been left out more than I ever have.I've had my heart broken so many times and I don't understand why.I recently just got rejected today by this boy that I've liked for a year and it hurts so bad.A couple of weeks ago I was going to swallow 6 pills in my basement but I spit it out.I thought I was getting better but I always end up sad again.I feel helpless.I have constant thoughts of suicide and cutting myself.A part of me wants to live but the other is tired of living.I just want to be happy like the other regular kids.

  • Jimmie Dee Jay

    Even though I have had Crohns Desease for 26 years my life was great.I quickly learned to deal with it and I went on to live an above average life.I did a lot of travelling to las vegas many times I went to Spain, Florida and I even backpacked through the Greek islands.That is where my parents were born before moving up here in very cold and very boring Winnipeg Manitoba, Canada.

    About 3 years ago everything came crashing down on me.All those years of heavy medication had finally caught up to me and all these terrible side effects were caustng major turmoil with all the electrolites in my blood for starters.I had 9 blood transfusions in 7 weeks, then something called polycondritis attacked my immune system.It actually eats away at all the cartlidge in your body until you get it under control with medication.By the time time we found the right med my ears had flopped over my nose was almost all caved in and so on and so on.

    Then I find out I have to get shoulder replacement surgery because all the cartlidge was gone and my shoulder was bone on bone with my arm bone.I could feel the pain when I moved my arm but I did not think it was so bad but of course with me it is never easy.There are so many more similar things that have happened to me but I am running out of space.

    And now people are wondering why I am so depressed.For almost 4 years I have been seeing a psychiotrist,have tried 4 different anti depressents and people say why do you want to end it all now/

  • Candace

    I was acutely suicidal about six weeks ago. I mean had a plan, had a time set, etc. I got on some anonymous websites, and got some feedback...get help, it'll mess up your kids, yada yada. I was in a bad way, worst I've been in over a decade.

    so, got through the immediate crisis, it took a couple weeks before I had the energy to "get help" and no one among my friends or family would help me "get help". But I made calls, endless calls, arranged for some therapy, etc.

    then, after a few sessions, I find out my insurance won't pay a penny until I have paid 1000 bucks on mental health care for myself this year. Ok, I'll bite the bullet and do the right thing...then my daughter comes home pregnant, insurance won't pay at all, hospital tells us a normal birth and maternity care will cost 20K, we are not eligible for any aid.

    so...no "help" for me..so I'm tired of all the "get help" shit, because my own medical insurance realizes something, they get off cheap if I kill myself, they have no incentive to pay a dime.

    The way mental health issues are treated is a sad joke. Get help my eye. Yeah...tried that...now I'm back where I started but more angry, wish I'd have done it then, I'd be at peace now.

  • Anonymous-10

    I'm your typical 16 year old. I have your daily vents and rambles any 16 year old would have about their parents, and their space, and hypocritical friends.

    But I have it pretty good off, if I ever stopped to consider it. I have three amazing best friends, and a bunch of people that obsess over me and call me if they ever think I'm in an upset mood. Oh, and I have this boyfriend who'll get me whatever I want and do almost anything for me, and makes me feel special when he's with me.

    I'm an only child, so I have parents that'll buy me anything, and do anything for me.

    I have a good life, ya know? I have a dog, too.

    So, why is it that there are feverish deep gashes across my wrist, that I take four Advils to calm myself down from crying, and on occasion find a Nytol to get myself to sleep? Why is it that I feel so lost in life, and whenever I'm on the road, whether or not I'm alone, I feel like running out into the traffic just to end it all? Why, when I know that my life is decent, maybe even more so, in comparison to so many other lives? Why is it that I know I have amazing friends, and more than 10 friends who'd come to my side almost immediately, yet I still feel like I have nothing when I'm in bed at night?

    Why do I pick at all the little things, how my parents fight, the debts I've caused, my selfishness that I feel whenever I express something I want or need, isolated when I feel I need people most, but I'm usually the one doing the isolating? Why do I constantly want to just kill myself, and why do I keep daydreaming about it?

    So, my conclusion is that it's a phase. In my situation, it certainly must be. Other people have it worse or so off, and even they don't seem to be suicidal. I'm hoping it's all just a phase, and I don't follow any of my daydreams to end my life, because my life's just so f**king fabolous :).

  • monkeygirl6754

    I've sat here and read this document and comments and I know from person expirience, siucide is the only thing that will bring you to peace.

  • bs health care

    US health care is only for the wealthy. not one place gives a rat's ass about you unless u have money.... the almighty dollar rules.. im an old man ready to die and the only reason i havent pulled the trigger is i don't want to waste anyones time if my attept fails.

  • Anonymous-11

    Yes what you wrote is so true, I have both a nephew and brother who died bicause they were poor and had no health care insurance, no one , one cared at all , not even the major city health hospital he was in, he was left to die there, I was hundreds of miles away, listed as next of kin and no one ever called me,,,,,

    I will be next.

  • Anonymous-12

    I'm 25 years old, have a shitty job, buried in debt, and there's no relief in sight. If ever it were possible to see myself from someone else's eyes I'd wonder how pathetic I am to them. I want to end it but I'm too afraid to take pills and fail. I really hate throwing up. I'm pretty sure I won't even do that right.

  • Allan N Schwartz

    Dear "If Not for Them,

    At age 25 you should not be feeling so hopeless that you want to end it all. Yes, it appears that you are in a tight situation. However, that should only mean that you have to become more creative in finding solutions. Just for example, you could declare personal bankruptcy. Now, I am not saying that is what you should do but it is one possibility. As far as having a "shitty job," I can only respond, "Yes, I am sure it it awful, but at least you have a job. You are one of the lucky ones." You have time on your side. Perhaps you need some counseling to help you get over your depression. You really have every reason to be hopeful about yourself and your future.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Jemma

    I am a 17 year old female living in England and currently in college. For the past 4 years I think I may have been suffering with depression, although I have not been diagnosed. I'm too scared to see my doctor as I am worried as to what he may think. I have my family, friends and yet I feel as though I do not belong with them. When I am at college and we are sat in the common room I prefer to sit quietly, mostly by reading a book. When I'm at home I lock myself away in my bedroom, and usually I will write things down as a way of 'coping' with my feelings - but none of it helps.

    I almost always have suicide on my mind and don't know how to deal with it. I used to cut myself but when my parents found out I stopped because I felt as though I was shaming them and myself in the process. I find it difficult to talk face-to-face with people, prefering to write things down and talk that way, meaning I would be hopeless in therapy.

    I'm easily irritated and there are some people which I just can't stand being in the same room with. I feel tired in my body and my mind. I feel like a failure, as though I've failed everyone around me by being 'me'. I feel as though I have no purpose and my future still seems like a lifetime away, even though it's literally just around the corner.

    Going back to the having suicide on my mind, I am always thinking of new ways to kill myself, though never daring to carry out my plans. It sounds pathetic and it is. I can admit that. But do you want to know what's even more pathetic? I've often thought of attempting suicide and failing purposely as a 'cry for help'. But if I was to do that people would think tht I am a time waster for those who really do need help. People don't take it seriously, thinking that people with cancer and other life threatening diseases need all the attention. Ok, I'm not saying they shouldn't have treatment because their lives are definately worth saving. But why can people not spare some thought for those of us that feel out of control and have no way to deal with it on their own?

    I once made an appointment to see my doctor for my mental health but at the last minute I decided to tell him it was for backache, which I do have and it is sometimes unbearable. He prescribed medication and I still have them as I couln't take them as they made me physically sick. I am often tempted to take these, either to really commit suicide or as a cry for help.

    I don't know any other way to seek help without chickening out at the last minute like I did the first, and last, time I sought help. Someone help me please and son't just tell me to go to my doctor. He won't do anything to help because he's an insufferable snob who looks down on lesser people.

  • Holly

    Jemma - you have just written everything that is going on in my head too. I am 21 and have had these feelings for 4 and a half years now. God I can't believe how similar I feel to what you have written.

    Am thinking of you.. I wish I could say there is a way out of this, but I feel the same as you, I just don't know.

  • Anonymous-13

    what a load of sh*te once u get 2 this point in ur life & there is no point or future fuck it there is no god no after life or eternal punishment end it! l know l'm goin 2!

  • meredith

    In a few months I'll be 24. Since age 19 I've been dealing with a severe chronic nerve pain disease that just gets worse and worse. I am permanently disabled and have pain constantly in almost all of my body. There is no cure and I'm beyond the point where the limited treatments do any good. Before when it was not in my back things were easier. I could at least lie down and my medications had reached a point where my resting pain was generally not so bad. But now my back is in pain all the time. There's no position I can be in that doesn't aggravate my pain and still it gets worse.

    I've seen what suicide does to a family and I don't want to do that to mine. I love them so much and they're the only reason I've made it this far. But I can't deal with this pain. I'm already generally bed-ridden and alone most of the time. If I had terminal cancer they would accept that suicide before having to live through more and more pain was the best choice, but because it is not a terminal disease I'm expected to live my life in bed, getting progressively worse.

    I want to talk to my family and ask if they'd please let me go, but I know how much it will hurt them. Whenever I'm with them I pretend to be happy, I try to 'fake it til I make it' but things just keep getting worse. I cry every day, I pray that when I fall asleep I won't wake up again, when I'm in a car I pray it will crash and I will die. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of pain, tired of having to be in bed all day, tired of having a sham of a life, tired of having everything I've loved taken from me. It's unfair of them to ask me to continue in this suffering.

  • Rae

    im a high schooler and i dont know what to do.my grades are falling fastly and my relationship is crappy.my mom is so disapointed in me she told me she diddent want me.my family is gone.i feel so alone.i cry everyday.i also have pains in my leg that have not been diagnosed.i went emo for awhile.people are saying that im stupid and dont really mean it.but i honestly do.please help me.give me advice that actually helps.

  • john

    too many counselors that were sicker than me....AND IM OUTING THE F*CKERS RIGHT NOW.

    KALAMAZOO MICHIGAN. THEY SHOULD NOT BE PRACTICING.

    THEY HAVE THE BOOK LEARNING BUT NO DAMN HEART TO LISTEN WITH.

    IM 42 AND BURNED OUT COMPLETELY. ITS 4:19 AM GREW UP WITH BOTH PARENTS BEING ALCHOHOLICS......

    IM TIRED OF TRYING TO GET OUT OF DEPRESSION.

    I JUST WANTED SUPPORT. WHY IS LOVE ILLEGAL IN THIS DEAD COUNTRY.

    F*CK AMERICA SHE IS A DEAD CORPSE ALREADY.

    SORRY MR OBAMA BUT SHE IS ALREADY DEAD SIR. I HOPE YOU CAN DO GOOD.

    my sleep is all messed up

    i have an artists brain and that was my down fall

    make sure that you grow up learning to repress your feelings like a good american.

    seen this sh*t coming for a while now.

    i really wanted to beat this depression.

    if doctors really wanted to help they would suggest other help besides meds.

    enjoy your time but im checking out. bye bye. i have had way way more than enough.

  • Allan N Schwartz

    Hello Rae,

    This is Dr. Schwartz responding to your post. It is very clear that you are in a lot of emotional pain and I am worried that you could be thinking about suicide. There are a number of things you can do to get help for yourself:

    1. Go to the school psychologist or guidance couselor at your High School and let him or her know how depressed you feel and that you are feeling suicidal.

    2. The local hospital emergency room could help you if you go and report to them that you are very depressed, scared and thinking about sucide. I know that this is a courageous thing to do but it sounds very serious to me and you need help. Tell them about your mother. Do this with the guidance counselor and school psychologist as well.

    3. If there is any adult, family member or neighbor, you should speak to them and ask for help. They can take you to the hospital, speak to your mother and have her get you help if she will or take the necessary steps.

    What you should NOT do is use drugs or alcohol because they will make you feel worse. I am not saying you do those things but just in case, you should know that.

    Do noit wait. Probably, going to the guidance department in school is your best bet.

    Good luck, Dr. Schwartz

  • Bruce

    All of you people who post here complaining about how you are going to commit suicide orwhy are just attention seeking. I'm not speaking as one against suicide just one who is against you people getting some sick pleasure out of the attention. If you want to kill yourself do it, don't talk about it. I have tried to commit suicide and even though I kept waking up afterward, there is no better feeling in the world than that moment of bliss right before it all goes black.

  • andrew dunphy

    first of all it does not matter what kind of attention people may be seeking, they all deserve it as human beings. some people may be stronger than others some may have more resources than others, no body should be told not to have feelings or be afraid to express them. i have some advise to anyone that is in an emotional state of hurt or severe anxiety. even though you may think your life is the worst it has ever been and everything sucks well then it is and does and by repeating this in your head, outloud, or on paper, listening to sad music it will be that way. sometimes feeling sad is good, it humbles a person and brings me to the secret cure for it... ready? it might be hard at first but it is easy, count your blessings, think of everything you do have no matter how small it seems, do you have life? the ability to use your senses, do you have food and clean water, are you warm at night? these things might be small but they are taken for granted-always know what you do have because i know someone out there is worse than you and would live in your spot without a thought. you are here for a reason. everyone has that feeling in there heart and head where they know there here for something but just dont know what- you know the feeling you get when you genuinely have helped someone and made someones day better--its that feeling you need to continue to pursue and i swear you will the happiest person and guess what when your energy is positive good things happen- just remember to be greatful for who you are and what you have and then all i ask is that you help someone else the same way!!!---thank you for your patients--have a wonderful day and life!!!!----drew

  • Max

    I'm a 19 year old college student at an ivy league school. Back in high school, I was one of the smart ones. I was never out going but shy and kept to myself most of the time. However, now I can't help feeling worthless. I wake up in the morning with no urge to get up and go to class. I spend days in my room thinking about the need to just end it all. I don't dare tell anyone about how I'm feeling because I don't think anyone would take it seriously and because I'm ashamed. I've started making plans of how I would do it and I'm starting to feel like I have no where to turn. I'm failing out of school, I'm tired all the time and I have no appetite. I can go days without eating or seeing anyone. I have the blinds in my room drawn so that it is dark. I normally consider myself a neat person, but over the past few weeks I have been living in the midst of clothing and old take out containers. I just don't know what to do. I feel so overwhelmed by everything....

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    Hi Max,

    There is help available for you and the opportunity to feel much better than before. You aptly describe some of the symptoms of depression, perhaps Major Depression. Today, with medication and cognitive behavioral therapy people are able to fully recover and get on with full, happy and productive lives.

    What I would like you to do is go to the health center of your Ivy league college and see one of their therapists. They will understand and work to help you. There are psychologists and a psychiatrist there. Why are they there? Because depression and possible suicide have reached epidemic proportions on our college campuses.

    I understand that you feel ashamed but you are not alone and you are not the only one, not by any means. Go, get help. You are very young and obviously very bright with a great future ahead of you. Deal with this now by getting help and live the productive and happy life you deserve.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Really Sad

    I am very sad and suicidal. I really have been trying to hang in there. I have called numerous psychiatrists and they either do not take my insurance or are so booked. I really need medication. My last Dr. went into a different field and have had no meds for 4 months. Primary Dr. will not prescribe them to me as she is not comfortable - out of field area. I found a therapist and she wants me in the hospital. Cannot go without family knowing (although I am an adult) and it would be awful if they knew. In the meantime I feel as though I am a walking dead person already without the relief it will feel. Not feeling like I can go to the hospital, which is what I need, not being able to get the meds I need, and feeling like this is not going to get better makes me feel like dying all that much more. I just feel bad for my family which has already been through a suicide (uncle). How can I possibly have them understand it is not their fault. What can I do in the meantime to help from doing this? I read a comment before about someone saying it is for attention. I really do not want the attention-just a way to cope.

    Editor's Note: Hospitalization is often used as a way of getting someone onto a new medication regime. It is a chance for doctors to watch you closely as you take the new medications and make adjustments as necessary to help you succesfully tolerate the medications and to get the symptom relief you desire. It can also be a way to get hooked up with a new psychiatrist who can follow your case. It's understandable that you'd feel some shame if you are very depressed - there is a stigma attached to hospitalization, and when you are depressed, everything seems worse than it really is as well - but sometimes it is what you need - a crisis to pass through in order to help turn things around.

    If you really cannot tolerate the idea of hospitalization, please share this emphatic wish with your therapist, who possibly can help you to connect with a psychiatrist without the need for hospitalization.

  • YumeSakina (ayla)

    Suicidal! It's something that is always scaring me and it is always knocking at my door, I'm always so scared of MYSELF and what I am capable of, Killing! I trianed myself to kill, but never used the skill but on myself...I hung myself about 7 mouths ago it was when I was still living in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario now I'm back in my small town...(chapleau) I am always hurting inside and I know being suicidal is not helping I take meds for my suicidal depression/major depression I even have people to talk to but I can't open to anyone who talks to me about my depression cuz they all send me back to a hospital and I become even more depressed and crazy being in a hospital bed with nothing to do and justy doing DUM paper work all day THAT DOES NOT HELP it makes it worse for me cuz I have to think about what I have done and what I am doing! It drives me CRAZY so yes I starting cutting myself again I quit for 1 mouth and 2 weeks and I started again...*sigh* Cutting helps me get through everything and sing loudly sad song as I do it or just sing when there are a lot of people around...*sighs* I Can't Take It Anymore! But I have too many people that care but that's not what I'm looking for I WANT TO BE LOVED Held, Kissed, told that "I Love You" with so much feeling that I cry everything they say it! But That love doesn't happen to someone who looks like nothing is wrong and when she is sad they all yell at you at the top of their lungs...*sigh* Nevermind I Just Want HELP I Do not want to think of Dying everytime I'm scared or sad...depressed *sighs* Anyways I'd like some help I don't want to cut myself 10 times before I stop thinking about kill myself! !!!!HELP PLEASE!!!!

  • Anonymous-14

    I think suicide is an indiviual decision. there are some of us who will not get better. But since no help in terma of a lethal drug are given. We just have to do the best we can to make sure our exit is final. I guess one has to decide for themsleves. This idea of keeping people hanging on with false hope is just BS.

  • Tony

    Ive been looking at this forum, and it’s saddened me very much by what iv been reading, the pain, the greath and the desperation some of you are suffering seems so unfair. As one of Jehovah’s witnesses im not immune to this oppressive world that we live in, and I to in the past have had my share of trials and tribulations with mental health issues. Including depression and anxiety. The good news is, and its very very good news, is that were living in a time that the bible describes as the last days, iv been studying Gods word the bible for over 20 years now, and I’m absolutely convinced that this old world is about to pass away, and a new world is imminent, the bible says regarding this world, no resident will say I’m sick, and that includes depression. Hope is a wonderful thing, hang on in there you people who are suffering terribly at this time, all your trials will soon be over. Tony.

  • Anonymous-15

    Life simply put sucks. At 47 I'm just flat fed up with everything. On the outside I guess my life looks normal. I've been employed with the same company for 18 years and have recently been offered the opportunity to purchase a portion of the company. Have been married for 28 years and have two kids. But honestly I've lived a lie for 28 years. I can't say I love my wife I just not the tyoe to look for a divorce. I can remember 22 years ago giving in when my wife wanted kids and I did not. My son went to college and decided drinking and parties were better than studies. I ended up with a grandson before my son turned 20. My daughter for lack of a better word can be a real bit*h and plans on being a school teacher. I would hate to have her for a teacher. My biggestest problem is I know these are my problems but I won't tell any of my family no. I feel the duty to give them everything and it's going to ruin me financially. Telling them how I feel makes me feel like a weak failure. I'm to the point there is nothing fun about life anymore. A few months ago a family friend got fed up and put a gun in is mouth and pulled the trigger. I wish I could find the power to do this and end it. Each day as I drive to work I look for a place to run a car off the road hoping it would kill me. Even with these thoughts I don't want my family yo be ashamed of how I die. They would be better off with the life insurance so it must be an accident. I've always understood lifes ups and downs but that does not mean I have to put up with the constant down. I've spoke to Doctors and no they don't seem interested in helping. So far all i get is "things will be better". Well I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired but can't sleep, I have not desire to do anything, i stay away from people as much as I can. After 47 years what is the use in living any longer in this crap?

  • Anonymous

    I have been having thoughts of suicide for most of my life. It is so difficult for me to even do simple healthy things like cleaning my apartment or paying my bills. I have a good job with benefits, I make decent money. I am constantly worried that I will lose my job and this leads to depression and hopelessness that only diminishes my performance. Sometimes I go out in the parking lot just to be out in the sun and I think about how pleasant it would be to die. I was at a doctor's appointment the other day and I thought about how nice it would be if I had terminal cancer. I could lie in bed and waste away. I am not afraid of the pain, I am no stranger to it. I feel that sooner or later something will come along that will be too much and I will have a reason to kill myself.

    I hope there is no God and no one to judge me when I go. I hope that I do not burn in hell like the bible tells me I will. I hope that dying is just like going to sleep. I am oh so tired...

  • Anonymous-16

    I tried once to kill myself.It would have worked if thay had not came home early from work. Thay got me to the hosp. just in time, I spent the next 4 mths. in the hosp. I just wished i had of died that day. That was 20 years ago and I have spent most of the last 20 years depressed, not happy, and not feeling loved. My kids and husband run all over me and dont think about how I feel or what I might want. Most of the time I just feel like dieing.... I know I need help but no one care of even notices that I am depressed.... What can I do.... help asap....

  • Miserable Life

    I'm single,43 Asian Lady. Being single to me is lonely, sad and miserable. Colleague and Friends look me as weird person and keep on insulting me for my "single" status. I feel very left out and ever think of commit suicide. If times can rewind back to Year 1994, I will treasure the chance to know that guy who is my good friend's husband friend and if can get along with him, maybe I'm now married with few kids. At that time, I'm quiet, non-chatty and am not outgoing person. After knowing me just for a few days, he had called me out and wanting to celebrate my birthday but I had rejected him due to I had appointment with my friend. He called me few times but I ended the call soon as I did not know what to chat with him. I had gone out with him once but without eye contact as I feel very shy and do not know what to talk to him. I'm a very pessimistic person and did not really interact with him. Due to my so called "cool" and bad altitude, he thought I'm not interested in him and wanted to send me back after his meal. I remembered his car's tyre punctured and he told me to wait so that he could make a phone call to his brother for help. At that time, my mind was troubled with many family problems and my mind is not working, I'm so rude I just left without notifying him. Thereafter, he complained to my friend and gave up on me. Due to my mistakes, I did not have the guts and courage to ask my friend for his contact. I did call his office (working as a civil servant-Government Job)but not able to contact him as the department is too big and I did not know his sir name but only know his christian name. I had also sent him a greeting Chinese New Year Card to his office attention to his christian name and not knowing whether did the card reach him. I just simply gave up without trying to call my friend for his contact. Right now my tears is flowing out again......, Jason, if times can rewind back, do you give me "One More Chance"? I'm only awaken for my mistake after a few months and did mentioned to my friend about him. But she kept mum so I suspected that he might be attached. He got married in Year 1995 after meeting one lady only in half a year time. I felt heart pain and lost my weight from 44kg to 39kg and suffered from a long period of sadness.

    Now, I live with regrets.........,without a happy family, my life is lonely,sadness and miserable. As years go by, I feel very down and always think of ending my life. I feel lost although I’m not mentally nor physically disabled. I just feel very lonely and admired those people who have a happy family. My sister who had suffered from depression had ended up her own life since 1998. I just feel like wanting to follow her step.

  • Anonymous-17

    That for me is the question of the ages. I am 32 years old, I am single, I am not coping well with anything right now. I just wanna know does it ever get better? Does the hurt and the heartache ever go away? Does it always have to be a struggle just to survive. I often think that everything would be so much easier if I were not here. No more worrying about not having the money to pay the bills, no more missing my mother, no more of anything. Just peace. I just want it all to go away. I just want it all to go away.

  • Marie.

    I'm twenty-one years old and have done nothing with my life.

    I have two "best friends." One of them is unreliable most of the time and all we do is argue, pretty much. The other is my roommate and the person I sleep with and...do everything with. He said I'm selfish. I've been crying pretty much nonstop for the past three days. He gets off work early every night but gets angry if I want to leave work early. He hangs out with other people, even though we're supposed to be hermits. He drinks with them even though he knows I like to drink with him. He doesn't invite me along or wait for me to get off work.

    I think he's turned into a liar. And I think he had sex with someone else. We aren't dating, but we agreed if one of us had sex with someone else, we would tell the other. And he denies it.

    I have no one. My roommate got mad at me because I was depressed. He said "Then why don't you change but whatever there's no reason to try and help, you'll just shoot it down."

    He doesn't get it. He says *I'M* selfish, and yet I include him in everything I do and think of him all the time. I take care of him when he's sick or hurting. He doesn't think I'm depressed for a legitimate reason. We argued drunk once about depression. He said something like at least he had a reason to be depressed because things had happened in his life. MY DEPRESSION IS REAL. Whether you see any reason for it or not. I feel this way and it doesn't hurt any less than yours.

    All I do is get up go to work, come home, go to sleep, get up, go to work.

    What's the fucking point? I'm a worlthess piece of crap.

    I can't even kill myself, how pathetic is that?

  • Marie

    You're child would ABSOLUTELY miss a mother he or she never knew.

    He/she will look up to you no matter WHO you are. And no matter how you feel.

    I want to kill myself as well. But if I had a child I absolutely would not. I would want to be there to make sure my child was raised to know as much as possible and experience every good thing he or she could. And bad. Bad feelings are a necessary part of life as well.

  • !P

    I am 29. My domestic partner of 4 years has left me. The economy is poor, yes, but my skills are limited or unuseful. All the money I saved is used up after losing my apartment, I have moved back to my parents house as a burden to them. All of the schools I applied to rejected me. All of the jobs I apply to reject me. I have no cash and I dread using my credit card without a money flow. After a long time of working very hard for almost nothing, and then working very hard for absolutely nothing, I have become very lazy. My brain feels very heavy and lacking of any solutions. I started to think of killing myself, and now it seems more realistic knowing I don't need to slit my wrists or shoot myself. I could just go for a swim.

  • Anonymous-18

    Life DOES suck. If I commit suicide, it'll be God's fault. What kind of a "loving God" would suddenly put hair on a pretty woman's face? I'm sick to death of this. I'm drinking again and it's God's fault. I have scars on my face from trying to get the ingrown hairs out. I can't take this anymore. Why was I even born?

  • Anonymous-19

    After reading your comments something has arisen in me, which may sound crual. But all these people who want to kill theirself should have some courage and power to collect their mind and change their environment by simply leaving home. Go to a calm and green place where you can be totally alone and think everything over. Do not bring mobile phones, do not watch TV or listen to radio. Just be alone and think over if it is worth living or not. Note that you don't have to move back to your home, you can decide to stay there forever, even there is the possibility to kill yourself. But if you decide to go home, do not feel sorry about yourself anymore.

    Regina from Hungary, which has the world's 2. largest suicide rate :)

  • Anonymous-20

    I feel so bad for all of you, not just me. Since I was 14 I've been dealing with depression, and avoidant personality disorder. I'm 20 now. I feel like nothing I do is good enough, I feel like I'm just not good enough to be alive. I feel like my life is a burden on everyone else. I had my mind set on trying once, but after ten pills I got angry and scared, and threw the bottle. My friend found it and me later and called the ambulance, and now I'm fine. And although I still feel the same, I also now believe that there must be a reason I'm here. God or no God, if I'm alive, there's a reason for it. So I'm going to go the harder route, and start therapy.

  • Anonymous-21

    Lived with my X who was always talking about suicide, always threating as a tool of control. Never once tried. Is it true that those who threaten hardly ever do, it is the quiet ones, the ones with the unspoken words, that normally do?

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    The answer to your question is not pleasant but very real: A suicide threat is ALWAYS REAL. I know of cases in which the threat was not taken seriously but it was repeated so frequently that, like the "boy who cried wolf," everyone ignored it only to discover that the individual finally committed suicide.

    Having said that, there are some clues to how lethal the person may be. For example, The threat is especially dangerous if the person who is threatening suicide is:

    1. drunk, 2. using drugs, 3. is very depressed and in despair, 4. coming off of a traumatic situation such as a break up with a boy or girl friend, 5. has lost their job, 6. has a family history of suicide, 7. is giving their prized possessions away, 8. is suddenly very calm and self assured after a period of depression, 9. has a history of being an angry and impulsive person, 10. there are many more symptoms.

    Never, ever say to someone, "oh just do it and get it over with." They could take your advice. Never dismiss the threat. Instead, call 911.

    Anyway, whatever you do, do not dismiss it.

    Do not stay in a relationship because of the threat of suicide. You must not allow yourself to be blackmailed. Call his family, 911, other friends, but, do not stay.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Margie

    My husband left when I was thirty five (no children). I thought I would be alone the rest of my life. It is true. I am now in my forties with so much rejection in dating and jobs and facing poverty even though I have a master's degree. I always dreaded getting old because my mother looked so old at my age. I look older than her at this age due to skiing and a lot of Colorado sun. My finances are a wreck due to fear. Not paying my bills for fear of layoffs at my Company. I live in such fear that I can not sleep, I am exhausted, I cry myself to sleep every night. I wake up frequently with night terrors with a sinking feeling that I should end it now as I know it will get much worse. I have closed all my relationships and function barely. It will make departure easier. I don't open my mail. I have to force myself to leave my place on the weekends to get groceries, and sometimes, I go without. Believe me girls, it does not get better with age. You will all loose your looks and then it is downhill from there. I am not only talking about guys and the "F ability Factor" but it hits you at your career as well. This might be terrible advice, but you should have children to have people that do care about you when you are old. You should keep many female friends throughout your life. Make sure they are the good ones and not the jealous ones. Don't depend on a man being there and don't blow off your good female friends for a flakey guy-they only follow their pecker. They take off when they think they can get a younger woman to sleep with. I know countless women my age who were abandoned by their one and only. Women file for divorce because then men want them to. The men behave badly so we will divorce them (affairs, verbal abuse, neglect and so on. (I didn't file for mine). Anyhow, since I was too caught up in finding a male partner (marriage), I have ruined my chance for survival in middle age. If I remained single, I would have been in a much better position now. Don't become dependent on a two income life. Make sure you can live your life on your salary only. I hope I can save some young women from my demise as I feel my time is over.

    M

  • Painful Rain

    even when its problems on my job, this makes me feel hopeless and i desire to end my life from it.

  • Judy

    I am reading over everyone's stories and intermittently crying so hard I had to stop and get kleenex because I am so sensitive and my heart truly hurts for each and every one of you who are degrading yourselves, feeling worthless and talking about suicide. Please don't do it because it is a final, selfish act which solves nothing and all it does is leave behind family, friends, co-workers, etc., who believe it or not, truly care for you. I have had my own ups and downs over the years, but my 2 young-adult sons keep me going. I'd never want to hurt them in such a way as that. I don't have a lot of friends as I am a very "cautious" woman and don't trust many strangers. I was born in 1951 and I can honestly say that just within the last 20 years or so, I am ALARMED by the number of young teens, children & adults who are put on all the depression meds, anxiety pills, pain pills, etc. I believe some of these meds are the reason why we have such a huge society of people who are just fed up with the world, their lives, etc. It's because they are so "clouded" by the medications that they cannot think clearly. For instance, when my oldest son was 5, the kindergarten teacher gave me heck until I took my son to the doctor because she swore he was hyperactive. Of course, 1st thing the doctors did was presribe Ritalin. I gave it to him a couple of weeks and then, at his begging, I stopped them and told the teachers I refused to give it to him. The meds kept him sleepy & confused the entire time. It was just a while before he adjusted back to school and now he holds a very important job in CA and has shown no signs of ADHD and he is 25 years old now. Look at what they found out about the danger of Ritalin and now people buy it illegally to get high!! Plus mixing all these medicines just can't be good for a person, in my opinion.

    God bless you all. I'm not a doctor, I just think drugs are overused and oversupplied. Take a break from life, if only for an hour in the park or beach. Think of what you do have. Everyone gets hurt & down, the economy sucks right now, but it will get better. From my lips to God's ears!

  • Tom

    I came to this site out of curiosity and to find out if there are other arguments, other than "think of what it will do to your kids." I am 57-yr old male with 5 kids ranging from 13 to 30. I feel that not only would I be preventing them from exposure to a sick f***, but would probably find relief that it is finally over for them (oh, and Dad too.) Not only did I not find anything that resembles ANY argument more helpful than "what would it do to your kids," but more amazingly, I repeated read that, "I have tried to kill myself many times...." What the hell is that all about? Hint: .45 caliber handgun--you'll only need one bullet. It will be the only attempt and you will not have to continue the existence that you insist you cannot endure. How can someone who wants to die try "to kill myself many times?" THAT is BS. I will be gone within 3 months, after some business is taken care of that I don't leave so much for my kids and their mother to clean up. To you dufus MF's out there whining for attention, here's a piece of news: my therapist's husband just shot himself in the head with a .45 in front of her. Of course I do not know how she feels but her demeanor seems that it was his sick problem, not hers. When I am gone, she will undoubtly think the same. If I can endure 3 more months, I will be one of the smart and lucky ones who won't put up with anymore of this BS.

    Editor's Note: Suicide is a frightening thing to contemplate for many people. it is generally not an impulse people act on lightly. A certain fearlessness needs to be cultivated (see our podcast with Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., an expert in this area), and as well, it needs to appear to people that death is the best way out of their situation. This is why many people try to kill themselves multiple times - they are deeply ambivalent about it.

    As I read your own comment, I am struck by your own ambivalence towards your own suicidal impulses. On the one hand you are searching for some argument powerful enough to dissuade you from killing yourself. On the other hand, you are dismissive of the arguments here and more importantly, the other people who have written in here, as though there is a fearlessness competition happening and you need to be the winner - more fearless than all the rest.

    Given that you are yourself ambivalent about killing yourself, may I ask what sort of argument you would need to be confronted with which would help you choose to live?

  • Anonymous-22

    i just can't find my joy anymore it used to be i could find a brighter side to every situation. my wife hates me my kids don't respect and i really can't stand myself. i just want to rest and guilt free

  • Bailey

    im 13 and my parents have been fighting often my mom gets moody and cries after having a great day and my dad got a new job where he wakes up at 3 in the morning tonight august 3 2009 i got back from the movies and i found my mom on the couch crying and my dad in a fine modd and my sister in the modd like they just got in a fight anyway she said they did and a few minutes ago my left to sleep in the truck and she left a not saying she doesnt deserve us and we are a blessing for her.

    if she thinks we are to good for her do you think she might be commiting suicide? im worryed for her she might be crazy because she has weird modd changes and its not her period i know for a fact if you have any info for me please tell me my dad says we cant afford counciling what do i do? please help me and my family mostly my mom

  • josh

    hey im josh not real name im 14 and ive had a rough life wen i was 6 my father commited suicide .its not tht that bothers me but some times wen i get angry i have those suicidal thoughts i was on aim talking 2 a girl frend of mien today and her mom called my phone and accused me of calling her a bitch and i know i didnt . she said dont come round here till further notice in a voicemail . i was quite upset bc i just started hanging wit her after a while and i like her a lot and i told her today and i always hug her b4 i go and she has a bf so i feel a lil akward about that cuz i kissed her i know its wrong and were really goodfrends so she wasnt upset i kinda like living on the edge.its just sometimes i get so low or angry its astonishing . i have put a hole in my wall b4 i just need help and also this is wat kills me my gpa died this year and his death was werse on me then my fathers. ive had a real rough life 4 a 14 yr old r my thots connected 2 my fathers suicides?

  • Anonymous-23

    i am tired of being lonely. i am tired of always making others feel better, feel comfortable...noone cares how i feel...noone cares what happens to me. every relationship i have is abusive. i always feel left alone. i just want to stop hurting.

  • Dr.T

    Hello:

    I hear you so very deeply and I can understand why you feel this way. There are lots of things about life that can drain your motivation and make you feel as you do. I do indeed understand.

    However, I must ask, as one in the mental health profession, have you seen a medical doctor or psychotherapist yet? If not, I would encourage you to do so. You may be suffering from some sort of depression, a very real problem facing most of America today. You could also be struggling with burnout due to many of life's stressors, which can too lead to depression and suicidal thoughts and feelings. Before you make any drastic decisions, please try to reach for help first. If you truly feel suicidal don't hesitate to call the National Suicide Hotline at: http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html or http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-suicide and 1-800-273-talk. It is a 24 hour, 7 day a week service that will speak with you regarding anything you need to speak about. They are also good at leading you to different resources that may be of help to you.

    As a believer and one who respects the religious/spiritual aspect of life in counseling, I have to encourage you to seek spiritual guidance. You'd be surprised how comforted you'd feel by the spiritual love and acceptance as well as compassion that can find you there. Have you ever thought of seeking religious counseling such as Christian counseling? Please check out of the following links:

    http://www.crosswalk.com/spirituallife/

    NEW LIFE: this is a great talk-show who will take your calls on a variety of issues. Their number is:1-800-NEW-LIFE and you can certainly reach them Monday through Friday on 101.5 WORD FM at 2:00! http://newlife.com/card.asp?id=5

    The National Alliance on Mental Illness has a faith division that can "minister" to your soul about being encouraged and obtaining self-love. www.nami.org/namifaithnet

    On many of these websites you can sign up to receive "daily devotionals," which are encouraging messages that can be sent to your email each day www.intouch.org. There are also many inspirational blogs that can be of help: http://blog.beliefnet.com/MarthaWilliamson/ or http://kalkap.ning.com

    Lastly, I would also encourage you to read the book of Psalms in your Bible if you have one or you can request one for free from the Mormon church. A disciple named David suffered greatly every day of his life, yet he was faithful to God and believed that if he believed he would one day receive happiness and be healed. David was a man of faith (at least he tried to be) and if you read about him, you might be surprised to see yourself in him.

    In addition, of interest to you may also be a man from the Bible named Elijah. This story refers to a recovering from weariness. You can find this in 1Kings chapter 18: verse 21. Another is Moses, who felt extremely overwhelmed by life, found in Numbers chapter 11 verses 11:5-6.

    A book that can help make sense of the above stories would be: Biblical Stories for Psychotherapy and Counseling: A sourcebook. (2004). Matthew B Schwartz and Kalman Kaplan. Any Barnes and Noble or Borders store can get it for yoo within a week: www.borders.com or www.Amazon.com.

    Ask yourself this question: "If I would be willing to try any medication on the market, any type of therapy to feel better, why wouldn't I too try spiritual counseling or guidance? If we learn to become less subjective and more objective, we'd probably find the answers to many of our emotional needs.

    Give it a try I'm almost sure you will receive the "lifeline" you are seeking. We all could use at times a little "lifeline" to keep us holding on.

    I wish you well

  • Illie

    I was diagnosed with a severe form of depression. From a bubbly, outgoing person i've turned into controling psycho. My fiance says he will leave me if i dont get my act together. I am on medication for depression for a right while but it doesnt help at all. I just feel like am ruining his life and i hate myself for being like this. I know why i am so depressed. My job, parent's divorce, money problems, fiance s drinking and flirting with every women he sees. This is getting beyond a joke and i have suicidal thoughts every single day. My 2 friends killed themselves a year ago. One in June and one in July. I know that if things will get any worse i will kill myself. And i've even planned out how. I will take a serious amount of my prescribed medication and finally make everyone's life better.....

  • Robert B

    Someone once said that Time is the fire in which we burn. It has also been said that time is the relentless predator that stalks everyone from the very second they become a sentient being, never wavering in its pursuit and always victorious in the end as it dominates its prey.

    Some people are destined to do great things and others will do some terrible things. Some people will live happy fulfilled lives totally oblivious to the chaos that spins around them.

    What if you were never really good at anything in your entire life? Would that be unusual? Shouldn’t everyone account for something, and not just something accidental? If you have had children and the fact that by having those children you have met your best destiny aren’t you done? Haven’t you changed the world? If that truly is all you have to offer and you have offered it what more do you have to do?

    Why do so many people listen but so few hear?


    Who is the most courageous person?

    The one that flees from Time trying to stay one step ahead, knowing their task is in vain yet not making it easy on Time?

    Why do you fight it so vehemently? These small connections we have that are nothing but the blink of an eye to the universe as we know it.

    Do you hope to win? To what end? What prize do you hope to achieve or can you win just by playing?

    Is it more couragious to be the one that does not flee from Time yet turns and embraces it with relief as they would an old friend that they have longed to see and knew it would only be a matter of when not a matter of just if.

    What of the person that is ignorant of these choices, of life’s bitter ironies. Are they brave as they meander through life without a care in the world or are they just the lucky chosen few?

    Which am I?

    Am I simply a coward?

    Does it matter? Does it really?

    Is it within our power to make these decisions for ourselves or have they been made for us? Or have we shaped the choice all our lives with every breath until our lives are barreling down the random highway our choices have led us to be on.

    I can’t…
    I won’t
    I shouldn’t…
    Why not…
    Make a decision.


  • eve

    I am saddened but not surprised by all the comments i find here. So many lonely and trapped people. It's such a shame. But in a strange way i find it sorta comforting. Like depression is not something to feel ashamed of. When I was 13 i tried to kill myself. I took an overdose of tablets and was discovered by my mum who rushed me to hospital to have my stomach pumped. Luckily i survived and after several years of counselling and anti-depressant therapy, as well as a lot of love and support from my family I recovered from my depression.

    I remember at the time very clearly how my parents did not want me to tell anyone or let on to anyone what had happened and at the time i thought it was because there was something wrong with me - like i was crazy or something and that they were ashamed of me. But it was because they were afraid that I would be branded that way by people who don't understand depression. Reading some of the comments here reassures me that there is hope for those people who do come forward about their issues. If this forum shows anything it shows that you are not alone and help is at hand.

    To those people who say that drugs don't work I would say that although they do not create miracles they can help but only if the person wants to be helped and has a lot of other support like counselling or someone to talk to. I wouldn't be here without my mum and i owe her so much. To anyone considering suicide I would ask you to think of your loved ones and how it would affect them - really. I remember being so shocked when my mum found out - shocked at how hurt her and my dad were. I've never hurt anyone so much and i hope i never do again.

  • I've helped...yes, I am proud and feel great!!

    I am astonished by how truly ignorant people are.

    Keep up your mental illness labels, keep up with calling those who are suicidal ILL and CRAZY...see how quick they leave this world. You only reiterate what society tells them..."you're sick, get help"...No, YOU get help to learn how to understand a person's pain and offer them love and understanding......Blame them for being selfish, then blame yourself ESPECIALLY for being selfish for wanting someone to continue living in so much pain for YOUR BENEFIT!!!!!!!!!

    It doesn't take a flippin rocket scientist to understand that suicide is most often caused by PAIN...more pain than a person's resources to deal with it.

    PAIN IS NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS!!!!!!!

    IGNORANCE IS!!!!!!!!!

    "Go call 911"....OMG.....seriously?????? Yes, that's EXACTLY what a person in pain wants...more pain.

    Oh you sooooo smart...tell them to go to the hospital where they will be forevered labeled crazy...yeah, that works for most people...I'm sure they are DYING (pun intended!) to have more insults, more reasons to feel like shit! NOT!!!!! Oh and don't forget to remind Mommy, once you go to the hospital you lose your children and your will to live will never exist. That's exactly what a mommy wants....to lose her babies and live with a cruel, damn cruel society of people who will put her down every opportunity they get. Now do you feel better? "Oh sorry Suzy, can't help you tonight..gotta do dinner, paint my nails and well gosh hun, why don't you just go to the E.R.?"

    Tell a Mother to think about her children. GUILT HER TO DEATH. Gee...that's what most mothers do all by themselves, they don't need YOUR HELP DUH...they think of everyone else, ALWAYS, they sacrifice beyond sacrifice...maybe a helping hand would be nice. Maybe a I'll watch your kids so you can rest for awhile would be so helpful...oh goodness, we have but forgotten the good old days where people helped each other in times of need, we didn't ask WHY...we just did and we didn't judge, WE HELPED. And we kept helping as long as the need was there...we didn't worry about our toenails..or the gal on the internet we want to meet and impress with dinner, if you want to help, you have no excuse, NONE good enough not to. You decide who is really selfish.

    Now if you REALLY want to help someone who is overwhelmed with pain, get off YOUR BUTT and reach out YOUR hand and do everything you can to ease their burdens....God knows they have more than enough for you to choose from, pick one!!! They are having financial troubles? Oooh, then start networking, they are obviously too tired and weak to do it, so what? Do it for them, find others (NOT MEDICAL PERSONS) who can help with whatever it is this person may need...they are depressed? Not a very hard emotion to understand..do it! Tell them THEY ARE NOT CRAZY, THEY ARE NOMAL AND HAVING A ROUGH TIME...AND TELL THEM YOU WILL HELP!!!!!!!! THEN DO!

    Mom is single, left with little to no resources, she aches for all her children don't have, she feels worthless. You got two cars? GOOD! Go sell one and help her...babysit for free, or find someone who will! She don't need a car to get to heaven, nor do you. But damn, wouldn't your heart feel good to know you didn't enter this world in a car, you wont enter a heaven in one either..and no God will accept your excuses as to why you HAD to have two cars when this woman and her children needed life, you could have helped, but shhhhh don't tell, buuuuuuut...well...gosh...I really like having my cars, and boat, and well, .....uhhhh! Yep...you can (maybe) fool your neighbors...but don't think for one minute you have fooled the ones who want out of this sick, selfish world.

    Oh...and don't forget to wear your best suit, those expensive shoes and drive your best car the the funeral!

    Sheep....

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    I can hear and feel the passion of the person who submitted the last two or so comments. However, I think there is a misunderstanding here. When we use the term "sick" in connection with emotional, we are using it in a precise way. There are times when feeling emotional pain is not sickness. For example, if a loved one dies, the pain we feel is not sick.

    However, when pain persists beyond a certain amount of time and when that pain causes us to believe that we should and want to commit suicide, then, we are sick.

    However, the word sick, in this sense, is not a criticism. If you have the persistan pain of an infection and you have fever and it does not get better, then, you are sick and need help.

    It is the same with this. That is the point. We do not want to cause more pain. We want to relieve, reduce pain, so that a person will feel better.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Lindsay

    Having spent almost my entire life being depressed, I've entertained the notion of suicide more than once. The earliest occasion (I am told by my parents, who took me to a doctor) was when I was 9 years old. I am now almost 27.

    Today I had a melt-down, and felt worthless and stupid and awful. When my boyfriend told me he needed to sleep, rather than talk my problems through with him, I was upset enough to have my thoughts turn again to suicide.

    I got onto the internet initially looking for something to help me come up with a plan to kill myself...a 'good' way to do it, or whatever.

    Instead, what I got was a handful of useful knowledge about my condition, as well as the knowledge of what happens physically when suicides (or attempted suicides) occur. One site in particular showcased gruesome photographs of varying suicide attempt methods, and their corresponding 'looks', post-mortem.

    It was a real eye-opener. I always thought that suicide would be safe, easy, clean...something gentle passing away, rather than a violent means to a very real end. But it turns out that suicide is right up there with homocide for having the worst post-death images ever. And that scared me enough to re-think this, and start looking for ways to help myself get out of this self-destructive pattern I'm in.

    Which is how I got to this website. When I read all of the responses so many of you have written, there are a few things that struck me.

    a) I am also in financial difficulty, and it is one of the reasons I so desperately believed ending it all would, well, end it all. Now, though, I don't feel so alone, knowing that some of you are going through these problems too. We need to all start helping each other, in any way we can.

    b) I am from Canada, where healthcare is FREE. Many of the reasons for suicide/depression/anxiety cited below seem to be related to not having enough money to visit a proper doctor, not having health insurance, etc. I am hoping with all of my heart that those of you who are in the USA will finally be blessed with a proper healthcare system that actually takes CARE of its citizens, rather than ignoring them for better-paying 'customers.' Mental health, like any other health, is a RIGHT, not a priviledge of wealth.

    c) I am glad that many of you have posted your feelings, and gotten them out. I hope that in some way, writing down your feelings (anonymously - hooray for the internet!) has helped you come to terms with them. I know it's helped me...

    Thank you for sharing, everyone...my love + luck to you all for overcoming your personal demons.

  • Lynn

    I am 49 found out 6 months ago have premature CAD, which had 2 stents put in and then due restonis two more. in the past two years I have lost everything I own due to divorce unable to find a job, and then this it seems it keeps getting worse, on top of all of that all I can think about is I would be better off dead and what bad is I have the means to accomplish it pills and fire arms. I've quit take the heart meds that control blood pressure and the artery spasms hoping that this will do it, I tried sucide when I was 19 almost accomplished it, if it had not been for a friend that was a doctor I would have been dead. I know I need help but I don't know how to bring it up with my doctor, and my family would not understand, they don't my sons just tell me get over it. And I'm afraid of being like my mother who was always threating sucide. I'm tired of thinking about death I just want to either die or be able to return to a normal life, if there is one. But every time something starts going right something else goes wrong either personal or medical. I'm AFRIAD to tell my doctor and I don't which one to talk with.

  • ME

    Provide a service where people can quietly, peacefully and without pain end their lives. Then dispose of the body in the manner of their choosing. No questions asked, no doctor certificates, no government nor religious intervention. If a person wants to end their life, then that is enough. You people create horror for many people. It is a horror that I hope that you guys personally feel. Though you are probably like that pope who thinks that pain and suffering is good. That is a sick mentality. You guys have a dark age mentality and should go back into your holes.

  • bill

    i cant take it any more

  • Maya

    Hi, everyone out there. I used to go through everything you went through. I wanted to die. But, thanks to help from friends and family, I'm doing much better. I want you all to know, it gets better. I don't personally know any of you but I want you to stay alive. I want you to know there will always be someone out there for you to talk to, to work everything out with. I'll check this website again soon if anyone wants to talk. I'm here for you.

  • Richard B.

    what really annoys me about MOST(if not ALL) of the articles say, ask, tell, whatever a friend or family member to help you get to treatment or continue treatment, etc.

    What if you have no friends or family? I have no friends because my social abilities are garbage(I have no myspace or facebook accounts) and I never get out to go meet new people anyway. All my family is at least 4 states or 1300+ miles away and I haven't talked to them in years.

    What now DRs who wrote this article? What the heck am I supposed to do?

    I refuse to go to the ER or call 911 because I can't miss work for 72hrs. If I miss work, I get fired, I lose my home, car and everything else because the economy is SO bad that I can't get another job....yeah, that will really help my depression and suicidal ideology. I'd prolly end up offing myself a few hours after being released and hearing that I lost my job.

  • Allan N. Schwartz, Phd

    Hi Richard B.,

    "I refuse to go to the ER or call 911 because I can't miss work for 72hrs."

    It appears to me that, if you commit suicide you will miss a lot more than 72 hours of work. It also appears to me that you do have family but they do not live near you. You could move. Finally, it appears to me that you could enter psychotherapy and even get anti depressant medication to relieve your depression.

    In other words, you have many options open to you and far healthier than suicide.

    Please go for help.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • does not matter

    My life has been going downhill for the past several years. I'm just sick of dealing with everything. I just want to know of some painless methods I can use. Please, no lectures or lies saying "it will get better, blah blah blah", I don't want to hear it. I'm just sick of feeling like this, and I want a permanent solution.

  • Anonymous-24

    I'm a 48 year old male suffering from depression (and prabable bi-polar disorder). I have received treatment for depression for 15 years. Despite my efforts to improve my life and mind (pills, counseling, exercise, socialization, diet, giving up cigarettes) my depression continue and will not ebb. A sense of hopelessness has consumed me. I was in fear of loosing my job. Now I don't care about my job. I am not married. I have no children. My parents are still alive. I am utterly exhausted and am researching ways to kill myself. I know the who, what and why. I'm working on the how and when. I'm tired of being tired.

  • Chrissy

    I’m 17 years old. I started becoming depressed when I was about 14 years old and when I was 15 years old I tried killing myself, I jumped off a cliff and luckily I survived, so yes I know how people feel I’ve been there and I’ve done that. I started cutting when I was 14 years old and I still have the urge to do it today. Nothing ever seems to get better but it honestly does, it’s what you do to make it better. Nothing is ever going to change unless you do something about it. I’m now on meds I take 10 mg Lexapro and it does help a lot. But another thing that helps is keeping your close ones near you. Love helps a lot with depression it really does. Even if its your boyfriend, your family, brother, or sister. Find a way to make life feel pure again. What use to help me was looking at my baby nephew and I would make up plans in my head about how I’m going to help him and I’m going to make sure that nothing that has happened to me and made me feel the way I do will happen to him. My boyfriend is my world he’s the one that made and makes me strong. Find that love in your life, it really does help. And you have to stay positive. If you’re negative all the time nothing will come of you and negativity is all you’re going to get. Trust me I know what it feels like to want to kill yourself. I do. And I’m a person you can always come to, my email is: chrissy0_0miller@hotmail.com

    I would love to help anybody and talk to anybody. I’m not just a person, I can also be a friend. J

  • dennis

    I've been feeling so bad for the past year1/2 that i just lost my friends/family love. it's like no one wants to be around me any more. i just dont know why! i've lost my job, car, house and now i just don't have no one there for me no more. i've been in and out of medical & mental hospital for the past three months i'm sick with HPTb and i've been depress for over a year and i just feel so sad, hopeless.. i'ts so much going on with me that now i'm homeness ! i have no where to go! so i just want to end this today!! so i want have no more pain! i'm tide of crying and feeling tired so much. I'm "acutely suicidal" I Need Help! I go to the library like everyday to get on line.. If you want to or try to help me if it's not to late my emails: onewaysofly@aol.com & oneway3309@yahoo.com

    I don't have hope/ It's to late!!!

  • just want to leave

    I keep hearing my friends say that there are options to my problems. I keep fighting to see that. BUt I don't trust my decisions, my thoughts, my own feelings. Hard to believe that life can come so crashing down so quickly. I have always thought about killing myself for years, ever since my mother died when I was 13. BUt never did. Now I don't know anymore. I'm going to seek help again, but have to be honest, I think I'm passed that. IT's my last chance.

  • stephanie

    we mean nothing to no one so y do u or any1 for that matter care if we die. We wouldnt want 2 die if someone care my father beats me u think he really cares if i die. I simply hope i cut my wrist to deep one of these days by the way he know i cut myself he does nothing just goes back 2 sleeping on the couch and lets me my lil sis and lil bro fend 4 ourselves so u tell me who really cares.

  • F.

    Iv been dealing with depression for a few years now, and have made attempts in the past to kill myself, but what makes things worse is my husband. Iv discussed everything with him, how he is the only person i have to talk to because my friends wont even speak to me anymore, but when you think things are starting to get better he says to me 'why dont you just kill yourself already and stop talking about it'.. i was shattered, and he ignors me, sometimes for days or until he needs something from me like sex or dinner. Life can be shit but you just got to push on.. i think im still around because i love my cat so much and couldnt bear to leave him behind. im also handrearing baby birds, so without me they would die, and thats not fair on them.

  • John

    Well where do i start.. 37 male with no hope or feeling i guess that sums me up

    I just want to sleep and stop these feeling that i have,

    I have cut of my family and to a certain extent my friends. I suffer from Alcoholism and i guess i am a functioning Alcoholic.

    My wife left me over four years ago and has since had kids one thing that i wanted.

    She was never someone my family liked or loved but i did. I feel that i am on a timer and waiting for it to end and i can see this "clock" in my mind.

    Just hope and pray there is some way that i can get though this and the other option looks like peace and that its all i want now!!!

    Take care john x

  • stephanie

    if you "pray" for help dont you have a reason 2 live but if you really wanted to die you wouldnt be looking 4 sum1 2 hear you out if you want sum1 2 listion call a therapist it will due you alot better then just staring at that damn clock

    p.s. so you previous wife or girlfriend left you dose not mean you cant start over

  • little artist

    I'm sick of living. College is a joke. Ive always been the artistic kid whos awkward in every way possible. Never kissed anyone, probably due to the fact that my father ruined my trust in guys. I just feel worthless I guess.

  • denise

    I am majorly depressed and have suicidal thoughts i do not plan on killing myself i dont want to..i was seeing a professional they said i was bipolar i guess at that time i was somewhat manic. The med he gave me started working then thouchts of cutting myself and burning myself would continiuously pop up in my mind. i stopped the meds had set up another appointment but had missed it that was probably 3 weeks ago. I know i need help cause the thought switched from cutting then burnung then i stopped careing ive been crying for 6 hours i dont know what to do i am not going into an inpatient thing i have too much going on i need a therapist i need something i dont know where to go for help on a sunday---i will not be admitted i refuse my kids have been through enough when there grandma got real sick i want to stay wit my family

    someone please respond with what im supposed to do

  • Anonymous-25

    i am sick. beyond help. death is the only way out. but guilt stops me doing it. why do the people that "care" about me make everything harder?

  • life comic

    I found it quite ironic that right in the middle of reading the article I run into an advertisement for toilet tissue. It this some sort of joke? Like, hey, just flush life down the pot? FLush flush flush flush flush it away

    i guess I am more depressed than I thought.

    But seriously, a toilet tissue ad in the middle of this??

    UHHHHHHGGGG!!!

  • Anonymous-26

    I am mad. I don't want to think clearly about life. I am stuck up in a good engineering college in the country, I have done high schooling from a good school, but the feeling always remains that I have an antisocial element inside me.Yes, I have participated in a lot of extra-curricular activities, but am still alone. Love is unfound. My head is full of religion, not religion but the nature of death. A fascination exists. I have contemplated suicide many times before getting into this institution, but nothing subjective ever happened. I am afraid. I hate myself, and I want to avenge myself for causing so much unnecessary pain, but there is no answer. When I think about my vocation, I don't know what that is. I don't know how many of you will read this article or understand it, but I just want to say that suicide is not impulse for me anymore, it is a slow, casual death now..

  • thasofly

    just lost, dont know what to do or where to go. theres no one that cares about me, i feel so hopeless. i just want to kill myself and get it over with. i've been feeling so depress for a long time. How did i get to the point of depressing? well i was stress out about loseing my job and car about two years ago. i was homeless for a long time and i didnt think that my family loved me. i wasnt on any drugs, and i was feeling so alone. i was hurting bad inside, i didnt have any friends and my family didnt know what i was going through. to tell you the truth, i hated myself for being that way. i was allways sad and unhappy with life. i was feeling depress and suicidal most of the time. i had went to a mental clinic to get evaluated then i was takeing to a Psychiatric hospital. i was diagnos with MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER WITH PSYCHOTIC FEATURES. " I was verry depress". then i had went back to a mental/psychiatric hospital for suicidal thoughts and attempts, they thin diagnos me with PSYCHOTIC DISORDER . now i'm takeing medications to help me. I'm takeing PROZAC40mg, RISPERDAL2mg, TRAZODONE100mg.. to tell you the true the med's is not helpping me at all!!! I still be feeling depress, suicidal and have hallucinations. I'm just so sick of feeling this way!!! Some one email me @ dddevold@aol.com OR onewaysofly@aol.com

  • Anonymous-27

    i have no friends no faimily about to be homeless what other choice do i have. i don't want to live on the streets.i rather be dead so u tell me what other choice do i have!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous-28

    The nature may be all of these things. It still leads to not wanting to be in this place. I want to be where the pain is gone. I want to know that the Voices will leave me. I want to know that I don't have to try to hide it -- which I can't. I want peace. Does the nature of suicide give that? Does the nature of suicide allow for defeat? I only want the torment to go and the peace to come.

  • Anonymous-29

    I can not believe you have the world by the balls and thinkinh of committing suicide. That leaves me with no hope. Loosing everything and working 7 days a week with two jobs to provide for my famoly that does not care, gives me no hope with my life. Suck it up and make a difference for yourself.

  • The lonely boy

    i am insanely in love with someone when i was in the 1-4grade. then we moved to a new place where i got bullied daily all the time, mentally and psyichally. then we moved again when i came in the 7th grade. i got even more bullied and at that point i started to lose faith about ever meeting the one i love ever again. i'm still teased and all alone nowadays too but i can atleast defend myself psyichally but not mentally because they are afraid of me being psyichally. and now i see the one i always loved my whole life got a boyfriend and she got tons of pictures of her being with him. she dosen't even know who i am anymore. I have no clue why i should not commit suicide. my whole life is pure hell. I am mentally destroyed because of my anger/depression problems and i have no fu**ing clue what i should do now. i'm in the 11th grade with no view because all my dreams are crushed and i don't know what i should do.. no1 has ever supported me before against bullying. and when i defend myself. the school suspends me. everyone is always against me

  • Anonymous-30

    I read the article on suicide. I believe I fit into the category for a very high chance to complete suicide.

    There is a family history, my own pervious attempts, and I am now older and know how to best complete it this time. I have been planning for over two years now. You may ask what I am waiting for. I am not in a relationship and have no kids, just my cat. She is all I have and is 15yrs. old and in bad health. I know once she goes it will give me the impulse I need to complete this. I have already thought about who is going to get what. I started a journal and I will soon be purchasing my means.

    I have always felt defective that there is no help for someone like me. When I was in my teens, I was in counseling and was diagnosed with some form of depression, PTSD and BPD. They were not sure of the BPD. I could not at that time let myself even think about the other problem I was having, a gender identity issue and still do. I feel nothing can be done. Even on good days that may last for weeks if you asked me if I were ready to die, I would tell you yes. I don't believe there is help for me. I just can't see how.

    I am currently going to college and have reached out to them about this. I am talking to someone who I trust however, in my mind I feel I am only getting my story out before I die. Perhaps this can help someone after I am gone. For as long as this has persisted, I don't see what can be done to stop it. I feel it is too ingrained.

  • Anonymous-31

    I spent an hour reading through the posts below. As a woman who has contemplated suicide, I felt compelled to contribute.

    A few posters accurately stated that suicide is not always the result of related mental illness as most surviving people like to speculate, but simply when PAIN and ADVERSITY outweigh our ability to cope. Simple. We can be hit with such adversity in this lifetime that as humans, we simply cannot cope.

    Why do/did I feel suicidal? Single, middle aged woman, struggling financially, no family or children, exhaustion from trying to keep a roof over my head, to worrying about whether I'll have employment. Dreaded thoughts about living in a homeless shelter. No pleasure sensors in life. Every day -- just hoping to survive. I'm sure there is someone out there nodding their head. It is real and it is palpable. No mental illness, as a matter of fact I think very clearly. I've just been swimming upstream without any help or resources for YEARS.

    The way I see it is if a person has an adequate support system (people who truly care, not superficially) and adequate financial resources (able to breath and provide living expenses at a relatively comfortable level) a human can bear almost any other adversarial situation in the world. Think about it --- if you were diagnosed or struggling with an illness, yet you had ample financial resources and a loving family and/or support system, isn't dealing with the illness much, much easier? Try being alone, broke and given a poor health diagnosis.

    Here's the way I've come to see it: Some people have charmed lives in this world. Yep. No one escapes having problems, however seeing the whole picture I know women my age who have supportive husbands, children who love them, comfortable houses and their health. They sail into old age relatively unscathed, they don't sit up at night thinking about living in a homesless shelter. CHARMED LIFE.

    Then there are others who, through no fault of their own necessarily, swim upstream for most of their years on this earth. It is what it is. We are all dealt cards. Some people are dealt the beauty card, some the ugly. Some the smart card, some the not-so-smart card. Anyone who thinks this doesn't affect your life on earth is dillusional. It does.

    What to do? Well, I remember when I was a child looking at my grandparents and seeing that they absolutely had a sense of community. People helped each other. They were married during the depression, yet survived and had food. Why? Neighbors used to feed each other. People would care if you were sick. Not today, not truly. Yes, people will say "Oh, I'm here if you ever need anything" but try calling in that card when the times get really rough. You'll reach a voice mail, more often than not.

    I've completely turned to God. And, I will speak personally that my fervent prayers have materialized in times when I didn't think there was anyway out. Financial aid did come to me at desperate times. While I still cannot control other people to care about me, or feel compelled to help, I can try to constantly think of ways to help myself and to pray. Is it a fabulous life? No, but the alternative is ending it and who knows if we would have to come back and do this crap all over again.

    I'm hoping that one day in the near future, when things really implode in this country, people will truly understand the need to bond together. You're my neighbor, alone and sick? I'll be here. I'll help, really help, as much as I can. Let's get through this life together.

  • TC

    I have read a few of the comments by thoes contingplating suicide. The young man in the 11th grade. Please DO NOT do it. Only the 11th grade. You have a life time in front of you. We lost our youngest son Ben to suicide 21.5 years ago. he had some problems. But he also was a gifted person. We miss him so much. And people who LOVE you will miss you. I can promise you,THINGS WILL GET BETTER!! YOU WILL FIND A NEW LOVE IF THIS ONE DOESN'T WORK OUT. If you kill yourself you will never reach your potential. And the fact that you are in the 11th grade proves you are not a quitter. If you want you can email me. Please TAKE CARE

  • Male 47

    I am 47 male wife and two boys. I have suffered from my depression and anxiety and panic attacks earlier this year but now realize I have suffered this all my life. I now have a disorder in regards to my health and no longer want to go on. I spend days going over the internet looking for painless ways to die. I am constantly agitated by my bad mistakes in life. Everyone says I have so much to live for but if I stop working I loose everything. I have a small military pension and left the military three years ago and feel like a fool for leaving so early. The diagnosis has put me in panic mode and I want to die. Last year a family member took their own life and I was appalled. My what a difference a year makes. Just do not want to live and I know how it will affect my family.

  • Anonymous-32

    life is good ? but do you consider it good when you just don't care ?,2 wonderful sons and a lovely wife why would you consider leaving all that????, It looks great from the outside but if you look inside it is just a liar,I love my wife so much but I feel iI don't get the same back I guess that is just me ,but that is what i have to live with It is hard. My sons I love with all my heart that is the only reason i am here typing this ,I have no fear of death ,the only thing i fear is what my sons will have to go through if i go through with what i fell i should do ,I am lucky I am still at the 50/50 stage but I know In my heart which route I will Take .If in time my boys read this please always know I love you so much and this is not the cowards way out .It's just Pops had things he could not fix Please be good and one day I will be with you Love you always.

  • Dr. Allan N. Schwartz

    You have a wonderful life and lovely children. So, you need to ask yourself why you don't care? If you suffer from a Bipolar disorder or major depression or some physical condition causing depression, then you can find relief.

    I wish those who are thinking suicide would remember that there will be plenty of time to be dead. There is not plenty of time to be alive. We are here for a split second in terms of the universe and that is why life is such a gift. Yet, it can also be sad. It ebbs and flows, reaching tragic lows and incredible inspiring heights.

    Don't you want to see your grandchildren some day?


    Dr. Schwartz

  • justme

    I just want to get info on a comfortable and neat way to end things when i decide to do it. I am not particularly depressed, anti social, or even unhappy. Now that my dog has died, i feel i can leave without anyone being uncared for. I have two things i cannot fix now, or ever, in my life. Two very major monetary complications. when it comes to a head, i will stop trying anymore. I just want to leave. I am without hope for a better life or a decent ending to my life, if it is not orchestrated by me in the very near future. I would simply like to find the info i need. Thank you:)

  • 1mindless

    i want to die

  • Aaron

    I seem to get myself out of the mind set that suicide is a real option. I don't want to hurt my wife or parent but I am in so much pain. My insurence wont cover psychiatry. Someone help me please...

  • Brittany Ann Smith

    I have tried all sorts of things but i cant seem to make the feelings go away. i need help. i have been going through alot and i want to cut myself again. it has been over two months but i am looking at cutting again like i already said. i am also thinking about suicide. this week i have tried to run away but i couldnt help myself so i decided to ry ton get help bu they did not admit me this time.i have been admitted about 8 different times. i will tell you all more about this situation if you email me. WHAT SHOULD I DO?HELP ME, HURRY!

  • Michael Marchetti

    Going to the Hospital--Not sure that is best. If you do that everyone will know, and talk about you-- it will get out that you are unstable and kiss your ability to be respected in your community good by--this will only make matters worse for you I think. They may save your life for a bit, but they will stigmatize and judge you--maybe even hate you for being somehow selfish in there twisted view.

    Hey I know what it is like to want to end the suffering, my life has been little but suffering--there is only one reason I don't kill myself and that is it would break my parents hearts.

    I wish they would just say that it is ok for me to go, that they will be ok without me and that they too want me to be at peace.

    I would hug them, tell them how they where the only thing good I ever knew in this God forsaken hell pit and I would off myself without a second thought.

    The very thought of being free from the sick people in this world that have made life a living hell for me and so many others--well it's hard to imagine being free from the sick bondage of this place. Not the world per say--I think the world is beautiful--it's my species--seriously people could you try not to make life such a nightmare for each other?

    I think there can be no reckoning, no balancing of the injustice that so many have endured in mans twisted carnival. If only the blood shed by the innocent where to bubble up from the earth that so neatly has hidden it, then maybe the weight of that suffering could chock the lungs of this messed up place. I see nothing wrong with wanting to be free of a place that, thanks cruel ways of humans and society in general, has become a virtual torture chamber for the innocent and the meek.

    Should we kill ourselves? No--we should want to live. but I will not judge anyone who is fed up enough to take the burden away--just shows me that they have had enough. And maybe this place should not have kicked them in the face so many times.

  • tired-of-being-and-being-me

    i'm not a religious fanatic. i'm doubtful at best.

    i tried killing myself @ 13. i've been depressed all my life. i'm now 53.

    i drank and took drugs to kill the pain, or the awareness of the pain. it really never helped.

    i have been to counselors, rehab centers, detox, doctors etc. i am currently seening a doctor (last 10 or so years) who honestly seems to care. i'm currently being treated for chronic depression, something like bi-polor, anxiety and ad/hd.

    i've already put my family through hell. the swings through depression frequently tipped the manic side with violent outbursts. i've done enough damage of all kinds along the way, i truly want to make my mark on this earth a better one than i have so far. my depression still gets me in darker-than-black moods. my only true blessing is that my family still loves me.

    i know from years of experience a few things:

    meds work (but only when they're right) most counselors can't help the ones than can require my 100% efffort clinics and hospitals are businesses, and ones that expect insurance to pay. very few mental health care providers have any clue about what you are going through/ have been through/ or how bad things can get and still leave you without the money to get help. i really truly wish there is a god who is out there helping. the people i have met at random give me more hope than the paid professionals. if you are struggling in pain and/or at the same time so numb that nothing is worth nothing, please try to keep going. the people i've seen suffering the most are the talented, sensitive ones. you suffer for the world, because there are fools out there who can't see or feel what is wrong in this world. i think i see now, who god has sent to us to help. sadly for us, it may take people with the sensitivity and creativity to not only see and feel the pain, but see and feel the love and healing on both sides of heaven and earth. once again, don't give up. keep your senses alert for those in greater pain or in need of something you can share. it frequently is not money. smiling is sometimes the hardest part.

  • Nina

    I'm 45..lost everything...husband left two years'ago...kids live their own life and I had to move back in with my parents due to financial problems, loss of job etc. I had to leave belongings behind and now I experience hair loss. Who still cares about a 45 year old with hair loss ? Nobody. Why am I still here? I don't know. I guess I had still a bit hope left, but it's dwindling more each day. I'm so lonely and I can't cope with life anymore. I tried help, went to numerous doctors, even put myself into the hospital, but to no avail. Lesson learned: nobody cares (especially about middle aged women). I'm tired of the torture called life.

  • Anonymous-33

    I don't know if I am suicidal but I wish I could go away ! my husband is alcohol user and has make a point of abusing Me every time he drinks, I don't drink or smoke , I go to work every day I clean ,cook, take care of my home well , pay my bills and rent,He is not working a stedy job and is not looking for one, He left a good opportunity because He didn't want to be "slave" We have discussions`about monie very often , especially when the weekend comes and him wants a "loan " to drink" what really makes Me mad is that Our children seem to think that He and Me are equally guilty of the situation, I am really mad and want to go !

  • Anonymous-34

    Nina I am 52. I find that life is a mixed bag with highs and lows. I have been on medication for 30 years. I have come to the conclusion that I am also profoundly sensitive to the sadness of others and I have to be conscious not to confuse it with my own feelings. I've found that getting out for a walk in nature is very helpful in lifting my mood. I hope you choose life. I think death is a foregone conclusion anyway-there is no need to give it a hand.

  • Crazy!!!!!!!

    I am 50 yrs.old now and have been dealing with Mental Illness ever since i can remember! - The worse part of everything is that my wife and two daughters dont show any compassion! I know it is hard for them but many m ore for me! I have done must best to be a provider to the point where the job helped to take my pain over and over! I take aqnd have been taking meds. which makes me sick more than anything! Bad enough that i hate myselft with a passion, am attacked by 3 Demons, and for those who dont believe in Demons, think again! No understanding and compassion from wife or kids. Pastor and church? Yeah right! Came to hospital once to see me but thats it! I guess there is more concern of anniversary services, chicken dinner sales and raising money for new church! I guesss the

  • Anonymous-35

    Why instead of going to the river and throw myself in there I am here, living this agony I cary inside? How much longer will it take me to relieve myself from this pain? I love myself, I dont wanna suffer anymore. I've tried to live happily, but I always come back to moments like this...

  • Anonymous-36

    I just happened upon this site while considering my own recent losses and saw Nina's post from Oct. i may not be 45 but i am middle-aged considering I never thought i'd get past 60. I too have lost everything in the past few months and have fallen deep in debt. To top things off I got a DUI on Thanksgiving Day for which I have to wait for court to even find out what else i'm gonna loose. The ludicrous job I've managed to keep doesn't help me with my debt and it takes every bit of energy to get on the 2 buses I take there and back every day. I too have moved back in with my folks. I hear you Nina - isn't easy. I feel like i'm teetering on the edge of life and that any moment could be the last but sometimes I just wish I had a real friend to talk to. I lost all my friends not that i ever had any to begin with. Maybe i'm just getting it all out on here but i wish it was easier to manage and easier to be happy again even though when i think of the word 'happy' now i shrivel in disgust b/c i'm that distant from it. I guess all that i wanted to say to Nina is, your not alone and it may not get better fast but maybe it will someday get better and do we really want to miss that. It's not a question, just maybe a silent hope. Good luck to me and you and anyone else who feels this way.

  • Worthless

    My whole life I feel like I have had nothing but bad luck or done something wrong countless times, Im 21 years old with only a couple of close friends (which I understand is all I need) Haven't had a girlfriend since I was about 17 and no chick would want to be part of my misrable life and I understand that. my family.... I choose to never involve myself with and they are now border line hating me for it but I just cant bring myself to be a social person I am extremely and I mean EXTREMELY!! depressed I wake up in the morning and the first thought I have every single day is suicide I have poked around sites and other forms of infomation on how to do it but I am too much of a coward!!
    I abuse drugs to take the pain away and recently lost my lisence for DUI which has made everything feel so much worse, I find it so hard to sleep or eat and I've lost heaps of weight.
    Im so angry with myself but the hate I have tops it!
    I have in-depth dream like fantasies all the time of commiting suicide and the outcome of it on my family and I dont care at all about leaving them behind it's not like they have really lost anything is it?
    This is horrible that I have made my own life like this! I don't feel good emotions anymore I may pretend that I am happy or excited etc. but there is nothing and I find that unusual?
    I finally give up.. I am such a F***ing loser and I know it. I am a selfish waste of space that does not deserve this gift called life anymore.

  • Anonymous-37

    I'm 25 years old male from Fort Wayne, IN. I am really ugly. I have really dark circles underneath my eyes, worse then I've ever seen on anyone. I've always been made fun of for that my whole life. "Dead eye", "zombie" etc... I'm really skinny too. like 5'8" 115lbs. I've had one serious relationship that lasted 4 years, then I found out she had been cheating on me for most of that. and not just with 1 guy, it was probably closer to 10 guys. I actually walked in her fu**ing some other dude, and that literally destroyed me. That was 3 years ago, and I haven't been with a girl since. I started taking more drugs then ever, and ended up in the hospital 4 times from Heroin, and combining lots of other heavy stuff. I spent weeks in mental health clinics. Nothing seems to work. I now owe the hospitals like $40,000 dollars. I feel like I have no where to turn, my mom and stepdad kicked me out when I was 18 and don't want much to do with me. My dad lives in Texas (I'm from Indiana). I just got out of jail 5 months ago, where I spent 30 days for a DUI, and failed a few drug tests because if I'm not high I REALLY want to kill myself. Right now I'm living in a boarding house. I sleep on a really uncomfortable cot every night. I really miss my queen sized bed and girlfriend. Every night the woman across the hall from me takes a huge sh*t in the bathroom next to my room, and I can hear and smell it, it's so foul I almost vomit. I only make 8 dollars an hour in a stressfull kitchen, and can't even afford my own apartment. There are no good jobs ANYWHERE. I was layed off from the only good job I've ever had 5 years ago. My best and only friend for the last 9 years is in rehab for heroin, and even I can't trust him anymore. Oh, and I'm pretty sure I got herpes from this fat chick I slept with last month. I was really desperate and lonely, and now I have cold sores breaking out all over my lips. I know I should get tested but if it comes back positive I know I will kill myself.

  • Anonymous-38

    I have read through some comments - and your comment about emotional pain persisting for too long, means you are 'sick'.

    Surely then, it's normal to have emotional pain that persists without it being call 'sick', if the circumstances you have to deal with also persist?

    I have had depression and anxiety (anxiety can get really, really bad - i've had panic attacks on and off throughout whole days in the past, and live with generalised anxiety everyday) since I was a child (not diagnosed until a break-down in my 30's). I had suicidal thoughts growing up in response to a very unstable and anxiety ridden upbringing. I thought this was 'normal' and never had anyone to talk to about this things. I never spoke to anyone, actually I hardly ever spoke at all - there wasn't room for me to speak...there were too many other people wanting the attention (mother, brother particularly). How could I have upset my mother even more by speaking out - what an idiot I was! I was surrounded by a screaming mother and violent brother threatening to kill her - with me hiding in my room and my other breaking it up when i was v. young.. i was rejected by both parents, which has continued into adult hood and unfortunately due to my sensitivities I have found it v. hard to form relationships, and now I'm 41 (female) and single without children, and have been grieving again over the latter for a long time too. I have had to do everything on my own, no support or help (ever- including when growing up - as I was palmed off to different people to be looked after, and no one ever helped me with homework or learning anything really... I left school with no qualifications, despite being reasonably intelligent. I have since worked soooooo (too) hard to try and 'better' myself - this has included buying a house, getting 2 first class UK undergraduate degrees, and now having a 'professional' job. As well as counselling, holistic therapies, yoga, antidepressants, etc etc etc. Unfortunately all this has left me with financial problems, which is another depression trigger. I still have to 'deal' with a 'father' who never wanted to know me - I got in touch with him once, and he just rejected me again. I have never got anything from him, including a bday card - ever. I have two brothers who live in different towns, one of them has 'disowned' his family, and the other distances himself - despite my trying for years to grow close to my nephew - I used to post him presents every couple of months, and constantly tried to arrange to do things with him/my brother - my brother has not reciprocated - he has had his own issues (drink) , but is now reasonably settled with a wife/son,lovely home, no longer drinks and does yoga everyday - he now has almost completely distanced himself from me, as well as my other brother and my mother. My 'mother' emigrated - all she ever really wanted since I was 3 is to find a man, which she has - this was her priority always (not her children). Their marriage is v. unstable, they are contantly 'breaking and making up'. My mum visited me from overseas once, and all I got was her crying because they just had an argument and were 'splitting up' again during the weekend visit (I don't think I'd seen her for about 2 years previously). She is v selfish and then guilt trips me if you dare to say anything that would show her in that light. All she could say when I said pls can you not do this now, I really can't cope with it....was 'what about me?'. Wow, it's always been about 'her. That sums my 'mum' up. She will make out she is mum of century though - god knows how she talks herself into that one - as she hasn't been a mother to me, and others who have known her since i was little are quite disgusted with her.

    All these 'family' dynamics persist until this day - I have always (stupidly) thought that they would change, but they never have, and now i'm trying to actually accept i have no real family. This makes me feel completely and utterly rejected, embarrased and ashamed - how on earth can i form relationships with others. I've also left it too late. I wish i'd put myself first (emotionally speaking) years ago, and then maybe i would have known my needs were to have a family and I could have 'created' one. Now i'm going to be alone, childless, and i can't face a romantic relationship - who the hell would want me, if my own family never have? How can I ever explain my family history to someone else - it's too embarrassing and shameful, or let someone see the 'real' bitter and angry me (not the face I show). Not a nice thing to bring to a relationship.

    I wish, so, so, so much that I could die peacefully somehow, but I don't know how. I'm not a violent person, I can't consider a violent death, it makes me feel sick, sad and scared. I also actually think there's discrimination about euthanasia - it is much more accepted for people with physical disabilities (but obviously controversial and illegal in the UK) - as it's not there to 'help' people like me who know they can't live with such emotional pain for the rest of their lives. I can't imagine any physical disease being as awful as this life i'm living, but then i have never been in those shoes - possibly more so because emotional pain is invisible and there is a massive stigma associated with it. I wouldn't be abandoning anyone. It really wouldn't make much difference to my 'family' as there really has never been relationships there anymore, so i can't 'go on' for them...i don't have children to 'go on' for - i really wish did, that would give me a tonne of motivation. Tho, I can't also deal with the emotional pain, anger, envy, resentment, ungratefulness, victimhood, bitterness, hurt, heartbreak, loss, grieving over what never was or never will be (ie. a family of my own). I'm fuming as i feel like my so called family has ruined my life. I would have been better off been fostered or adopted. Relationships/love at the end of the day is what life is about , right? Antidepressants are not the answer - they are NOT a family replacement - they are a pill - not a relationship with another human being. they can't get rid of the severe, empty loneliness, that i have had all my life, that prevents me ever having relationships of my own, due to the shame.

    There is nothing for me. I would get a dog for some company, someone to look after, something to be grateful for, to motivate me to get up, but I can't do that either, as I have to go to work everyday to pay bills and debts, and dogs need company.

    There is complete and utter pointlessless to living my life, nothing and no one to live for. It is a complete lack of insight of others to call me selfish for wanting to end it...wow, i spent my whole childhood meeting the emotional needs of others (by not ever expressing myself or expecting anything from anyone) at the expense of my own, people who don't give a shit, or who said they 'cared' - but saying something and acting on it is completely different. How stupid was I.

    There is no answer - well there are 2 - commit suicide or continue to live in emotional pain. The former I cannot do without help or advice (which is obviously not something I can ask for). The latter is my reality then. Thanks so to those who brought me into such a wonderful world - you selfish b.....d's.

  • Bob

    I have Bipolar 1 disorder and on my meds. I lost my job due to long times of Depression and mania getting me in trouble. I have filed for Disability and turned down again. I have no income and soon to live on the streets of Charlotte NC. Awhile back I almost decided to commit suicide. Hey no one really cared if I did. I got scared and went to the ER. They did not admit me because they did not believe me. I now think killing myself is a good option for me. Why live with no job and no place to live. Most people tell me to hang in there but do not understand my disorder and the fact if I do become homeless and anyone messes with me. I will kill them without a blink. So then will have a place to stay in prison. Oh and maybe death row. Oh man that gave me a great idea. So that is my take on suicide.

  • Linda

    Until the last few years, suicide didn't enter my mind. However, I had several life events strike at once, some natural (lost both parents), some very abusive (my husband, my brother – totally different problems), and work related (working with an unethical boss who wanted me to lie to her team members for her to keep them working hard because they would be afraid they were losing their jobs – I refused, lost my job).It felt like a lifetime of abuse and sadness had descended within a short span of time. I am not sharing details because everything that happened was so bizarre, and you share the pain anyway. It was more than was humanly possible to handle.

    So, to test my assumption that no one cared whether I lived or not, just to make sure, I made a list of as many people I could think of who might care even a little bit about my death. The list included a childhood baby sitter (I still know her), former co-workers who became friends, musician friends with whom I had worked, and family. After making the list of possibly caring people, I rated each person on a scale of 1 to 5, 5 meaning that they couldn't live a happy life ever again if I killed myself. I was surprised to see how many on the list I believed would get over my death within a year or sooner. I was surprised to find any at the level 5, but there was one on the list. My death would destroy her happiness forever. That was my childhood baby sitter. Because of her, I decided to live. She already had a lot to deal with. About ten years ago, she was driving and had an accident that killed her husband, her sister and brother-in-law. As far as I know, she has never thought of suicide.

    It's worth making the list and thinking about each person. If there's no one on your list above a two, then please try what I'm trying – try it anyway. I'm looking for support groups or people who are doing things (not drugs) that I also enjoy doing. I'm trying to take that one step even when it feels hopeless. That step has to be a wise and well thought out step.Maybe when we put a bunch of steps like that together, we’ll get out of the funk and away from people who really don’t have the ability to care.

  • Nobody special

    I am 49 years old and have "wished" I was dead ever since i realized my mother was my real mother. She never wanted me so my life basically sucked she should have given me up instead of threatening to do it. I used to wish she would. I used to imagine she stole me from my real mom like an evil troll. I hated her I am glad she's gone she was a bitch who hated me anyway. My father left because she was a bitch but he pretty much never wanted me either, probably figured i was the devils spawn. I have never had any real friends I guess i'm too much of a POS for that. I have tried but I guess I am too strange for people or something I have physical flaws and I talk slow so I sound stupid and I am sadly smarter than many people I know. It makes it most infuriating to have people talk to me like i'm an idiot when they use words or phrases and have no clue what they are talking about. People tend to like to make me feel bad because they know I will never stand up for myself at work. I need my job its the only thing I have in my life. When all I really want to do is tell them to kiss the backside of me. I am no rocket scientist my any stretch but I am certainly not a dummy either. But I guess a young life of physical abuse and mental abuse and then marrying it make one a bit on the edge. I don't trust anyone, I tried a couple of times and got shit on for it. I have failed at most things in life even suicide. The only thing I can say positively is that all that I have I have because I made it happen. I am a survivor in so many ways and I don't know why. I don't know why people that are loved die and me the loser who has no friends and does nothing special in life is still here. I have attempted to volunteer places and never heard back from them so I really believe there is no point being here. I am buying a house or at least i am looking and the one thing I want to buy it for is so I can finally end it and not fear anyone finding me for awhile. I feel like people only have to look at me and I immediatly offend them. I am not wealthy so i cannot have plastic surgery, I always thought being a good person was something special but I guess not. I know looks are not everything but when people hear you speak and assume your stupid because for some odd reason you talk slow or weird, they just make fun of you to your face and you have to deal with it because you fear if you ever really started to stand up and release and let them know how you feel you may never stop. I do think I could probably kill someone and not really care. I stopped caring about other people years ago I would say 2003 was the final straw for me. The final fake friend the final fake relationship I have probably gone out other than work or to the store maybe 7 times in as many years. I really am just rambling and do not care of spelling or grammar right now I am just releasing I need to I have no one to talk to, people don't take me serious anyway and they make stupid faces at each other when I talk because they think I don't notice, it's not that i don't notice i just pretend it doesn't bother me,. I went through school bullies even family members picked on my and made fun of me but screw everyone and everything for some reason i am still hear and if i don't find a purpose soon I will finally end it.. Honestly I think I was put on this earth for others to feel better about themselves,.... I really think suicide sounds pretty wonderful no more pain..... I have tried therapy, etc... nothing works. I am pretty sure they hate me when i go in because everything is so bottled up that i just release like a moron when i go in so I stopped bothering to try. Wish me luck that I am finally successful.. one less pathetic loser on the planet... Sorry for the novel but hey if this just proves to one person your life doesn't suck as bad as you thought then at least I did one decent thing in my life...

  • DG

    On the off chance that someone might read this, I thought I'd check in. I am a 26 year old teacher of Psychology and Statistics from England and, as I write this, I am at the end. I cannot cope facing another day. I am seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist and I haven't even told him the true extent of my feelings. I live alone and have spent weeks thinking of and planning my suicide. As a last resort, please could somebody, anybody, give me advice? I am scared like never before of ending my life. To compound matters, I'm under weight and have major problems with food. This is not helping the situation. I'm gay and have long since written off ever having a family, and frankly it's all more than I can take. Sorry for the ramble. DJG

  • Lyn

    I'm sort of reading these posts. It's sad to see that so many people struggle with life, including myself. The only reason I stick around is my family, I feel alot of guilt about wanting to do it (suicide). I continue to try to find some sort of hope to continue, but it soon dissappears again. It just has been that way for me and my life. I feel tired of protecting others feelings from the affect of my death now.

  • Helping hand

    How would one go about contacting you? Talk to someone, don't slip into the dark.

  • Dave

    Before you do anything about suicide, please consider this. You may believe very strongly that those you love would be better off with you out the picture. That is what my late wife believed, and she killed herself to save us from the vegetable that she was sure she was becoming.

    She is dead, and while she wanted us to move on with our lives, here is how it is really playing out.

    My son is coping OK, he is 11. My daughter, who is 9 doesnt eat, doesnt sleep, hates going to school, and wont stay in our house if at all possible. She feels sick every time she enters it, and hence cant sleep in her bed. She has stopped learning at shool, and will have to repeat this year.She statys up really late, pouring out a torrent of hateful abuse at me. If this behavious continues into teenage years, her education will be wasted, and her life probably ruined.

    End result is I dont get more than four hours sleep a night, Quite honestly, my life isnt worth living now, but I know that to kill myself would destroy my childrens life.

    My daughter believes she caused my wife's death, hence the hate and self destructive behavious she exhibits.

    The bottom line, is no matter how much you think your loved ones would be better off without you in the picture, YOU WILL DESTROY THEIR LIFE.

  • Anonymous-39

    it upsets me to see the comments about these people hurting, are whining or seeking attention.

    depression is complete darkness in an abyss seeing absolutely no hope of ever getting out.

    I have suffered this world for 42 years and I'm exhausted, I have nothing left to give this fight.

    I tried everything that was recommended and there is no end to the pain except death, there are no more options to explore for me.The years going by in unending blackness only increase the hopelessness of it all. At some point I had to realize with perfect clarity, it isn't going to get any better.

    I attempted suicide in July, I made sure I was far away from any help from my Plan. I have no idea how I managed to wake up the next day, delusional but alive...I have never felt such disappointment. But we learn from our mistakes.

    and to all those that see people in this living Hell as nothing more than cockroaches-just remember, you can't pull yourself up by the bootstraps if you haven't any bootstraps to begin with and I hope one day you get a taste of how unendurable depression is.

  • hi

    im not very sucicidal, but after being tormented and tesed for my entire life i have been kicked out of friend groups and lost a total of 26 friends, all because i am fat and they team up on me, or they are good friends but end up moving. so stopped talking to people and not be friends, and the teasing stopped a lot, but over the years i had become so used to not talking, i have become terribley anti social. even people see me as a quiet depressed guy they still find it in their heart to tease me and still think that i will be there the next week. if i hadnt of been tormented i wouldnt have this problem. but its un fixable. Im a A honors student but hey, what will one do with good grades if he cant even look people in the eyes or just be so on the edge of major FATAL choices.

  • Stephanie

    I am a young full time mom 24/7 non stop housewife. My child is the ones you dread when you go shopping or to dinner. My 2 year old cries about 90% of the day hes never happy my 5 year old whines about everything all the time. I cant go out because of them. I feel stuck and like my only way out is death. My husband doesnt understand he allways make it seem like I am weak or I am a monstor when I tell him I wish I could leave and never come back dont get me wrong I love them I just dread waking up in the morning.

  • Martin, MSW

    First of all, If the mental health community had the "answer" for suicide, rates would be on the decline. All of the medications (the USA is one of the most SSRI medicated nations on the planet), CBT therapy, hot lines, task forces, etc would have reduced the incidence of suicide.

    Not only have all of these efforts not reduced the rates of suicide, but the rates have increased. In fact, year-over-year, in some cases, the increases have been double-digits.

    In the mental health communities, this is not "popular" information to raise publicly. Yet the suicide problem rolls on, and the problem becomes larger and larger, year after year.

    Some in mental health will even blame the clients for the increase.

    If something is not working, logic tells us to look at something in a new way. The problem is, the mental health community--as is the case with most organizations and industries--drones on, while the problem they are supposed to treat expands at an incredible rate.

    If SSRIs and therapies are not working, TRY SOMETHING NEW.

  • onlyme

    I hope ur okay, talk to me? Everyone here is going through something similar, we should talk to each other. We feel alone yet there are so many out there, right here who feel alone. We have each other, if we allow it. We have the power to control how we feel and change things, we need too be strong. It takes a lot and it isnt going to be easy. Years worth of journeys but in the end it will be worth it and we will be happy. I want to see us find positivity. Do something today out of the norm that will make someone smile and come back and post it on here. Say how it made you feel, lets do this!

    I wanna live to see tomorrow to better myself as a person, I want to make a change.

  • Edward

    I've been through enough I've tried and tried to push on for my family and friends but I'm tired if being here for there sake and there sake alone I'm tormented everyday I'm here, there's npurpose in me being here but dead weight I'm a cutter I've never told anyone before but feeling the pain gives me momentary release from what I'm feeling inside, I'm just ready to stop hurting over my failed career, failed relationships, failed everything I try to do its overwhelming and I can honestly say I may not be here tomorrow

  • Anonymous-40

    I'm 23 and I have been suicidal for years. I used to cut myself stopped for awhile but having the thoughts And urge to do it again. I have talked about my problem to ppl. People act like they understand when I tell them about my problems but in reality they don't. My bf is right now the main cause of my depression and suidical thoughts. I love him more than anything in this world and I feel he does not feel the same in return even though he tells me he does and at times I believe him. I know I have the problem but I wish he would just act and showed that he cared for me more. I don't know how to live without him and that's also a problem because I have thought of leaving him but I can't. When he upsets me all hell breaks lose and I'm ready to kill myself I tell him all the time but I guess because I'm not dead yet he doesn't take me seriously. I just want to be shown that iam loved, cared for and to be happy. It just feels like I will never be.

  • Tom

    It's officially Christmas. I feel as stale as last month's loaf of moldy bread. If it weren't for my amazing wife, I'm pretty sure I'd be looking for the exit. She's the only reason that I put up with living. If something happens and she's gone, I won't be far behind.

  • martha Medlock

    Childhood emotional, physical, sexual abuse, through adulthood, tbi spinal cord injury 2004. This pile up at age 56 has landed flat on my back and disabled, hopeless, no one will help me, everyone has walked away, family, friends even my own children. This is not living, have tried many ways to change to become a part of society again and feel purpose. Exhausted, out of ideas.

  • Billybob

    Depression isn't a choice it just like being gay you can't fight it. It's just who you are. All day you see the world for what it is. Dark depressing hopelessness. All the while normal people walk around with heads in the clouds. Blinded by their happiness all the while the world is bacisly dying under the weight of all of use 7 billion. War death famine all around the world and no one notice it.

    You'll never have a better job then Walmart you'll never be smart or rich enough to go to collage, you'll never find love when you don't love your self and when you are incapable of being happy, you will always fill like something missing. So you are damned to suffer in this life and the next. Funny how that works God makes you the way you are and then punish you for it. Even when it's his fault.

    No matter just fight it as long as you can and when you can't do it any more. End it cause it was a fight you weren't ever meant to win.

  • Anonymous-41

    My husband is a smoker with copd who still smokes. I had to leave work two years ago bc I had a brain anuerysm and needed surgery. My husband got mad bc I was sick and cancelled my medical insurance so I can't get medical care anymore. I had to go back to work even though my doctors refused to release me to work. I just had to find a different job. I'm sick and I'm exhausted and I come home to all the housework and all my husband does is yell n scream at me. He told me over n over that he is going to get a gun and kill himself and make sure before he does that my fingerprints are all over the gun so that I go to prison for the rest of my life. He says

  • Coward

    I let a kid get hurt because I didnt have the balls to turn my brother in. I am breaking down. I quit my job and I have the end all set up. I have been depressed since eighth grade, and I have no reason to be. It is only a matter of time till I snap. I have episodes where I get angry and prepare to end it. The guilt has been eating away at me for a year and a half and I want it to stop. F**k life.

  • LANNY

    I cant believe all you guys who are hurting. I am not alone. But, I am. No one around me knows how I am feeling... I think I have been like this for too long that no one cares. This past Xmas I was so alone. I was just kicked out of my Bf's apartment the Weds before. He hates me so much and all I want is to be next to him. My family is so mad at me like if I wanted this to happen. I was in my car all these days. It is so sad and cold. I am so scared of my life because I do not see it going uphill. I miss him the first days I could not get a hold of him no matter what and I know I should not be calling him but I can't even sleep, I miss waking up next to him. I was so sad he didn't even call me for Xmas I was going to be spending it with him anyway. I miss his family. He called me a few days ago to tell me he was soo depressed and couldnt sleep etc... I asked him to please work this out because I was doing bad. He said no he just wanted to have breakfast to see how I was doing. We all know I am not doing good. Then it went to I will not forgive you as a lover (we had a drunken fight like we often do ) and hung up. I am lost. He also called me that early morning after, just to have me thinking all day and then have him later tell me that he was lonely and drunk. I do not want him sleeping around because hes lonely ... I sadly gave myself to him.... I told him I wanted to see him and he just said he needed to go and hed call me later.... he never did and here I am. Tomorrow his daughter will come home. And he told me he doesnt even know how to tell her that I was not coming back... I wish he just didn't I wish we could move past this. I can't stop thinking about him. He was my family best friend and lover. I pray..... but I want to talk to him now... I probably won't see him for New Years... but I wish I ended and started the year with him......

  • Gary

    Just Remember Death is not the end. Yes it IS there no god if your close don't work on your faith if you can believe in god you give up on this life. At my lowest time I started to believe in god I wanted to. Fortunately for me though agonizing bad at the time I had a new born daughter and new she needed me. Be very carefully starting antidepressants they will make you happy enough to kill your self. When your really down its you negativity that keeps you alive. A quick boost of seritonin has has ended many a child and teenagers life and adults too. I have a lot of broken parts cause from depression and a drunk driver. Currently my daughter 6 old enough to be my Friend and need me. I have found a docker brave enough to prescribe me with a large dose of oxycountin and a moderate dose of lexipro(a very clean ssri but as mentioned before great care must started going on) I have Peace of mind i live for every day I have left. I love life. I am seldom to depressed. Never suicidal but never supa happy either it like a holding pattern until i can get my life together you know?? Some thing to Do Something to hope for and some one or thing to love. Find this and work it it and if you have enough health left to enjoy life a little you can 1000 times better then alto of you are feeling now. I have been there. I still crippled and in pain but i love every day And you all can too. oh I did 2 years counseling pretty useless she just helped me not kill my self at the worst. I am going to try a psychiatrist next. I think there are better drug options for me. I am really happy of Ritalin for eg but all our chemistry's are different. It takes a lot to get the right mix and don't believe in pot. I smoked for 20 years and never emotionally grew a day until i stopped.

  • Ian

    OMG! Horrible horrible situations below. I read many of them and it made me wonder how anyone can have the strength to carry on with those kinds of trials. you are better off youtubing some Kathy Griffin instead. Try to forget your troubles for a while until the dark feelings pass. If you can't laugh it off, then tell yourself it's okay to cry and let it out. Just realize it takes fortitude to deal with such dark emotions and therefore are a stronger person for it. And yes, you will laugh again, you will cry again, you will get angry again, and you will feel okay again. it's all part of being human. we're constantly feeling something, aren't we? So just go with the flow and know that this too shall pass.

  • Libby

    I'm tired right now, mentally, emotionally, but not physically! I want to run away from my husband, my family.. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember..up and down. I'm the world's greatest pretender...that's how I live my life..always pretending! Exhausting!! Dying inside...false happiness outside to my family and the world. The only one who knows the real me is my husband, because I take everything out on him..no wonder he has 'cheated' on me with another woman.. I caught him out.. He said it was nothing, he was just helping someone who needed help desparately..I wanted to leave, but didn't..forgiven but not forgotten...a problem for me and our marraige! My life story is not a pretty picture...I don't even remember anything about my childhood..It's a blank..I only remember living in fear of my father..been beaten and sworn at often. It's about choices, but I'm tired.

  • Monique

    I can't live like this anymore, I am so depressed. I have 3 disorders, and it feels like my parents don't even love me. My dad has Autism and that just makes everthing worse, because he always says ugly stuff about me and I already feel so bad about myself and he does not even realize what he is doing and my sister is also always so mean to me and when my sister and my dad are so mean to me my mom just sits there, she does not even tell them that they should stop even if she can see the hurt in my eyes. I geuss she just loves them more than she loves me. And now I feel like who can actually ever love me, I have 3 disorders. And I just feel like a mistake when I'm home, I just can't take this anymore, and I don't know why this all had to happen to me. I always try to help people, not to get anything back ,but because I want to. I also feel so fat, well its probably because of emotional eating. I just want to kill myself, end it now. I have never even had a boyfriend in my life, nobody ever askes me out, but I also want to wait for the right one I don't just want to go for the first one that askes me one day. But I don't know if I will ever meet that person if I kill myself now. Sorry for talking in circles the whole time. Please don't think im weird.

  • Chelsea

    A friend of mine commited suicide Monday. She had a husband and 3 children. She was an amazing mother. She suffered from mental health as long as I knew her. I have had bouts of depression for the last 9 years. I could somewhat realte but not understand. Every situation is so different. She felt alone, unappreciated, in constant pain. She's gone now. If she only knew how much she meant to this world.

    Theres no way for people to understand what a suicidal person feels. Also, theres no way for a person who has committed suicide to understand the effect their actions have on the people in their lives. So many people are heartbroken. Three young children, a husband, family and so many friends who are left with a gaping hole in their lives that cont be replaced. Changed forever.

    Let someone help you. If you dont value your own life, value the lives of the people around you, until you can learn to love yourself. There are people that will help. Consider the aftermath, before its too late. Get help now. For the people who can't, the people who have been where you are but now it's too late. Survive this and you can survive anything. Get help now. If only I could have said this to her. You can still save yourself. Do it for her.

  • Anonymous-42

    Life is... good and bad, it is happy, and it is sad

    we... make the focus, we make it stay, good or bad

    no one - gets the only, 'great life' ride

    no one - gets the only bad life' ride

    its not a matter of being on "your" side

    yeah, i do not know what i am doing either... but those sayings help me some.

  • Anonymous-43

    People keep saying that, people who commit suicide or who are suicidal are selfish because they hurt their family by killing themselves or hurting themselves but really, if you're family really loved you they would understand that you're in pain and they wouldn't want you to live with that pain and wouldn't want you to have to continue suffering in this world- why should you have to stay here in this world when you don't want too, we're all gonna die someday any way So what's the difference- if anything they're the selfish ones for making you stay here when I hurts so much. You would've thought they would only put you through this pain if they hated you not if they loved you cause if you truly love something you let it go and let it be free. Maybe this just want meant to be... It makes sense to me anyway...

  • riyan

    well i'm a good listener if you need someone to talk :)

  • JMW

    Hi, I'm 15, and I've always been told I don't know how depression feels and I just need to get over it? I've tried to be put on medication, going to the local mental hospital, talking to the school and a professional counselor, but no one seems to really care enough to want to help me. I went to the hospital a few months ago and was basically tortured because they FORCED me down to take blood without my, or my mother's, consent. All to be told "You don't meet TennCare criteria. You just need to go home." when I told the evaluator that I have suicidal and homicidal thoughts, I'm severely depressed, I'm severely bipolar, I have extreme anxiety, I'm schizophrenic and have psychosis.. I've recently just quit going to school. I know I can't drop out because I don't meet the state's legal age and I'm on probation from truancy from last year. I just want to quit and stay home by myself, I constantly have anxiety attacks at school and can't take it anymore. They hurt.. Yeah, the "counselor" at school is there but she never wants to see me. I always get excuses. She's not here. She's leaving. She'll see you later in the day. You name it I've heard it.. All I needed was 5 minutes in August when my father passed away and all I got was, "I have meetings and don't have time for you. Come back later." plus, even when I'm told I'll be seen later they never call me back down to the guidance office. I just don't know what to do anymore.. I'm at my breaking point and I'm so young so I know most people won't believe me but I really need help but no one will give me any.. I'm sorry if I've just ruined your day, I tend to do that a lot lately and I've lost plenty of friends due to being "too depressing" ..

  • Tim

    I don't know what to do any more. My life is not mines. I don't know who I am anymore. I walk around all day like nothing is wrong but I'm living in hell. I can work at my job because I work around people and my depression, anxiety and panic attacks makes feel like I'm dying. People call me crazy because I don't like people or being around them. I'm a loner and I hate myself. HELP ME PLEASE

  • Sofia

    I'm thirteen years old and I've had this fear about the world ending and wars erupting. I can never stop being scared and sometimes I just want to scream and cry and it seems like no one understands and I'm always waiting for something bad to happen. When I talk to my mom about predictions she's just like you will be better soon and she dose t even comfort me and when I talk to my dad about it I always think he's lying to me about the truth and I just feel like I want to get the death over with and I'm really scared about world war 3 happening and I just don't know what to do and I'm almost 14 and I want to be happy for my birthday but I can't and I can't take medicine or therapy because my mother says I don't need it so plz help me

  • Anonymous-44

    Every suicide article I read deals with people under the age of 40. Well I'm on my way to 64 years old and I am considering suicide as well. Of course I am afraid, but that doesn't help matters at all. I am beginning remission for ovarian cancer and cannot understand how I can survive a normally fatal disease and be in the situation I am in. Can't work and do not make enough on disability to pay rent and utilities so I have to live with relatives. They think I am full of it whan I say things like I don't want to live anymore, especially like this. No privacy at all. No peace and quiet. Car is literally falling apart but Mom will help everyone but me. I asked her to co-sign with me and she refused yet she gives my useless half brother and is equally useless son money every other day for nothing. Right now the only thing keeping me alive is what to do with my beloved dog - There is no one who could take care of him and give him the love I can and he is so dependant on me but the thought of killing him along with myself is heart breaking to me. I have a few more months until the next disaster hits so I need to decide quickly. Maybe people who want to commit suicide are crazy - I don't think I am - I am just tired of beating my head against the wall just to survive. Survive for what? So I can be mierable and unable again tomorrow. It gets old after awhile.

  • namith

    i am in my 17 this year has not been kind to me i can bearly study for an hour i failed in almost all part of my life a feel iam totally out of control depressed alonely i serious need help by tom morning because i would be dead by eve lead a worthy life my friends good bye

  • fernanda_palmaa (kik)

    You’re sitting in your room ~ door locked ~ with a pen in your hand and a blank piece of paper infront of you. Your hand is shaking, and the tears begin again - for the third time in the past hour. ‘To my family’ you write at the top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin your letter ~ your suicide letter. You try again, start over ~ again and again, but you don’t know where to begin. No one understands you no one knows what you’re going through, you’re alone or at least that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody. It’s night, and you slip into bed. ’Goodbye’ you whisper into the darkness. And with that, you take your last breathe and end it all. No body cares, right?

    Well you thought wrong. It’s a Tuesday the following morning, and when it’s 6:00 a.m, your mother comes and knocks on your door. She doesn’t know you can’t hear her she doesn’t know you’re gone. She knocks a few more times, calling your name to open up. When there is no reply from your side of the door, she opens it and screams. She collapses on the ground while your dad rushes to your room. Your siblings have already left for school. Your very weak mother collects all the energy she’s got which is close to nothing to walk over to your bed. She leans over your dead body, crying, squeezing your hand, screaming. Your dad is trying to stay strong, but the tears escape his eyes calling 000 or 911 with his left hand while his other one is on your mother’s back. Your mother blames herself. All those times she had said ‘no’ to you, all those times she had screamed at you, and sent you to your room over something stupid. Your father will blame himself for not being there for you when you asked for help, for being away from home at work for long. Nobody cares, right?

    8:34. There’s a knock on your classroom door it’s the school principle. She looks more worried than ever. She calls the teacher to the side all the students worried: what’s going on? The principle then later announces about your suicide. The popular girl that always called you fat and ugly is now blaming herself. The kid that would always copy your homework but treat you like crap ~ he’s blaming himself. The boy that sits behind you ~ the one that always threw things at you during class ~ he’s blaming himself too. The teacher is blaming herself - for all those times she’d scream at you for forgetting your homework, or not listening in class. People are crying, screaming, shocked, in regret of what they did. They’ll all be devastated - even the kids you’ve never talked to before. Still nobody cares about you, right?

    Your siblings get home. Your mother has to tell them that you’re gone forever. Your little sister ~ no matter how many times she’s screamed at you, told you she hated you and stole your stuff ~ always loved you, and saw you as her hero her role model. She now starts to blame herself why didn’t I do what she told me to do when she told me to? Why did I take her stuff even when she asked me not to? This is all my fault. Your brother gets home ~ the boy that never cries. He’s now in his room mad at himself ~ he caused your death. All those times he’d played pranks on you. He’s punching holes in his wall, turning over things he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re gone. Forever. Nobody cares about you, right? Right?

    It has been over a month. The door to your room has been closed all this time. Everything is different now. Your brother has to be sent to anger management classes, your little sister cries everyday still waiting for you to come back. Everyday she waits for you to come back home. The popular girls have now turned anorexic. They don’t know how to deal with the pain that they’re feeling. Your father has depression your mother hasn’t slept for nights it’s all her fault. She’s been crying and screaming every night wishing for you to come back. The boy who would always bother you dropped out of school. The boy that copied your homework now cuts. But nobody cares about you, aren’t I right?

    Your mother finally decides to go clean out your room. But she can’t do it. She’s locked herself in your room for two days to try to clean up your clothes, your things. But she can’t she can’t say goodbye to you, not yet, not now. Never. It’s your funeral. It’s a big one ~ everybody comes. No one knows what to say. The beautiful girl with the big smile is gone you’re somewhere else. No one knows what to say, they’re all still shocked. Everyone cries, everyone misses you. They all wish you’d come back but you don’t, and you won’t.

    Still think nobody cares about you? Think again. Even if people don’t show it, they care about you, they love you. If you kill yourself today or any other day you won’t know just how much you meant to people. If you kill yourself today, it stops your pain, but it pains all the ones who know you for the rest of their life. Suicide is the easy way out - but it’s the wrong choice. Life is beautiful. Yes, it does have its ups and downs everyone has their bad days. Sometimes people go through tough times in their lives like you’re probably going through now but bad times come and go. You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there. No matter how hard life gets, never give up on yourself, or on your life.

    Take a minute now, and think.

    If you killed yourself ~ how would the people that love you feel/go through? Can’t think of anything? Well I’ll tell you: tears, tears, and more tears. Devastation. Guilt. Pain. Broken. Regret. Miserable. If after reading this you still feel suicidal, there are people that can help you.

    There are teachers, parents, grandparents, neighbors, adults, councilors ~ they’re all there for you whenever you need them.

    people care about you.

    believe me on this if no one cared, you wouldn’t be where you are right now. peoples’ love for you is what got you this far in life. they do care. yeah, sometimes arguments happen between you and another but that doesn’t mean they hate you. maybe you don’t think you’re someone’s best friend but maybe that’s because your best friend wants to be more than best friends. look at things differently because not everyone is against you. your family does care. your friends do care. I care, and so does the community. your life is precious and you shouldn’t take your life away because it will impact so many people. tons of people will be devastated. trust me.

    I’m sorry I’m not good with advice but please, do not take your life away.

  • Anonymous-45

    I'm 34 and have 2 small children and a loving husband, what more could I want?

    I recently went through my second stillbirth, it was really dramatic and happened at home. I lost 2 ltrs of blood and nearly died on our way to hospital, it was horrendous. Then followed a series of hospital blunders that caused me to have a severe infection, followed by a reaction to the drugs I was prescribed. Unfortunately they doubled my meds by accident and this resulted in a severe depressive episode and a 2 week stay in a psychiatric ward.

    Since coming home, everything is totally overwhelming and I am so angry about everything that happened. I honestly can't deal with how I was treated on the ward and I feel like I've let everyone down. I just don't see any options to get out of this. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this. It's hell. I am currently sat in the bathroom where I lost my little boy a month ago and I think back to how I used to be. It's so sad. I am a shell of the person I was. What's the point? I can't see any way out of this. If I tell anyone, they will readmit me to hell and that will make things worse. If I don't, then I am worried what I'll do. Why can't I move on? I feel like I'm reliving the time on the psych ward over and over again.

  • Anonymous-46

    Im 30 yrs old. Im married, have a house, etc. I thought I had put the past behind me, and was ready to move forward. Lately the smallest things will set me off. I take my frustration out on my family. My husband does work alot, and I feel alone most of the time. I dont have family, and I have lost touch with alot of my friends. I had a baby a yr ago, and she cries alot. I feel like Im losing it. Its all coming together at once and I feel like I cant handle this, especially since Im alone alot. I really have no one to talk to, and the only thing that really does stop me from suicide is the 2 innocent children involved. How could I do that to them, after the childhood i had. Still, how am I supposed to raise 2 happy, healthy kids, when Im not right with my self.

  • Michelle

    after my children and i was kidnapped and abused over 8 months the fbi put us in a safe house for 7 months. it took time but i tried to feel safe again. its been close to a year since they sent us back home. at first i was terrorised since this is the house he took us from. then i started to relax a little still not going out much and nightmares were back so my sleep was deprived. i had to go to the peliminary hearing and face him even though the assisted district attourney was there and lawyers. it destroyed me mentally,physically and em otionally. fir the firsttime in my life i questioned god. ive been filled with so much hatred,fear,anxiety. my own children dont recognise me. i dont know me. ive become evil. i hide in ny room everyday and scream at everyone trting to make them feel as bad as me. im a hirable Person

  • michelle

    i was a good strong christian before this the children and i worshipped god twice a week or more. i knew him i often fellowshippef with him. he would speak to me for as long as i renember. not in speaxh but in prayer and daily walks. i read the bible often for my iwn edification and read it to my children often family disvussions stregthened us. now im fearful to leave my roim ,read the bible or go to church. its taken my peace,live,joy. i was such a happy person full of life and energy. now all i feel is darknrss and anger. i dont like who i am. my mouth that enCouraged now destroys. help me please

  • Anonymous-47

    I don't think anyone would really care if I killed myself, my family is horrible and recently a man decided to slander my name and have his friends harass me. I can't go anywhere in my town and he kept telling me I do do feel ashamed for the things you did. I'm not a bad person but I don't have many people in my life and I think if I did kill myself, I would be just as forgotten as I am now.

  • justin

    Depression is an overused word these days. People use that word if they are just having a bad day or feel a bit low.

    I am male, age 38 and am suffering right now with the scariest thing ive ever felt, its is truly hell. What is hell is the feelings of suicide and wanting to end it all just to make the pain go away. I sometimes have 2 conflicting emotions 1: I want to die and 2: im scared i'll do something silly and just want to be happy

    A bit about me. I would probably be considered good looking not that that matters but also would be considered bright and when im at my best people wouldnt know i have depression. I have suffered it from the age of 17 on and off and have had huge periods out of work drifting and doing not a lot and claiming state benefits. When i say huge periods i mean added up it could be 14 years or so, so i'll work a few months or 6 at the most then could be out of work for a year or more. Ive claimed benefits and pretended ive been looking for work but havent really.

    Anyway: at the age of 29 i had my first proper relationship, got married and went on to have a son who is now 7. we divorced and now i dont see him much, hes a 3 hour drive away with his mum and bf. 4 years after we divrced and after suffering depression because of the loss of that i felt ready to date and met a woman i fell in love with, we were together 18 months but i was out of work much of that again, she put no pressure on me about worlk and told me she accepted me for me though. Anyway last july after suffering insomnia much of last year and suffering low mood i dumped her and put myself on a dating site just a week later, i was deluded and thought id meet this perfect person to make my problems all go away. I was kidding myself. I was only on the site about a week

    I missed my ex girlfriend so much and tried everything i had in me to sort things out with her i never stopped loving her, i poured it all out but she said her love for me died. I have gone on to lose over 2 stone in weight and have been suicidal most days for the past 6 months since we split. You see its not just because im missing her, this has brought everything that was wrong in my life into focus, years of unemployment through low lying mood and made me realise how much time ive wasted. Id be considered intelligent and people have said im good looking when at best but where does that get me if i cant find peace of mind?? i feel ill at ease most of the time. I did have one of the best years of my life in 2011 and some of 2012 t have lost it all again is almost too much

    I have tried anti ds over the years and never found they workedm some making me worse. My mum says i should try exercise, and i should but because im not eating i find it hard to, though i should. I am on sickness benefit at the moment

    I just want to say to people that there is nothing scarier than genuinely feeling suicidal where you've thought of ways to do it and wake up sometimes at 4 or 5 am and feel sick to the stomach with depression and want to jump off a bridge or similar. It is hell, absolute hell. I feel i will never get back to who i was at best in 2011. I feel guilt and shame at some things too and have had ocd in the past. I just want to be happy, im so sick of living this way.

    To have thought id turned a corner in my life and made a lasting change to have gone back to this is hell, never felt worse in my life. I can deal with normal depression but suicidal depression is hard to bear. Torture

  • Monique

    Please take time to read this please : Hi everyone i'm Monique, I have been depressed soooo much. If you scroll down you will see that I have indeed before posted a comment. I was so depressed I really wanted to commit suicide and I have tried several times, but then sometimes I would stop and realize that God is not done with my life. I am a very big Christian. I have known God my whole life and I chose to believe in him because I know in my heart that he loves me. I know bad things happen to people it happens to everyone just not really always the same things and in different ways, bad things does not happen because God wants it to happen it is because in has to happen. Just imagine how life would be without bad things, yes it would be great nothing to worry about it would be perfect, a little too perfect. God gave us a choice because he did not want to force us to be his friends so that's why bad things happens. He gave us a choice, people that murder and steal chose the wrong path but can be forgiven by God if they ask for forgiveness and mean it. God loves us no matter what happens or what we do. He so loved the world that He gave His one and only son to die on the cross for our sins because He knew that His son would be okay, He knew that we would not. I know that some of you may not believe in God probably because of everything that happend in the past or is still happening. And I am really sorry that you have to go through all of this I know it is hard, but you can get through it. Each person has a soul, the boddies we have on earth is just something we use so that we can live on earth, but what is really important is your soul wich is reflected in your personality. And the problem these days is that people only look at your outside and don't even care about your inside, but that is what makes me different I don't care about your outside only about your inside because everyone is special and different and I appreciate that about everyone. My whole life people have used me because I am too nice and love to help people. But I know that everyone is not like that and I know that one day I wil find people that understands me. Guys I just want to say that everything is going to be alright. No matter what happens on earth it is not what's important. If you guys need someone to talk to you can Email me: monique.nell.1608@gmail.com

  • Anonymous-48

    My depression started as a pre-teen around 12 years old. I'd often had times where I had these very low spells that made me have to sit or lay down for a few minutes. At 17 it started taking bit longer to get over. Minutes turned into days and I got a little more manic with my views on everything but luckly at that time I got help for it. I went to therapy & took medicine like paxil, wellbutrin, abilify, & some others. Unfortunately, I saw how easy for me it was to get addicted. It made me wonder is that what contributes to some suicide victims or maybe something was wrong with the medicine I was talking. After awhile I stopped getting depressed and started feeling normal until I kept getting a twich in my mind about not dealing with things like everyone else and started to become a major introvert. When it got really bad was when it wasn't a twich anymore, it became in a sence a sceam,

  • Anonymous-49

    Hi i need help i feel suicidal now. like i want to kill myself now. im serious. Im currently not studying, cos i stopped. i feel like a useless emotional freak. i hate myself im making everyone angry when im emotional, i cant control i just want to kill myself i hate myself so much.

  • Anonymous-50

    If you are waiting for a sign not to kill yourself, this is it! Don't kill yourself I LOVE YOU! I REALLY DO! Please don't, don't give in you are stronger than you think! You are not alone!

    God is there for you I know it does not feel like it but He is!

    Repeat after me: God I need You more than ever and I need You to help me put all the pieces back together, will You please show me the way and lead me through this time of darkness, and help me to not give in.

  • Lucas Curavic

    alright, i have a tough goal of making everybody i know a little bit more happier about themselves, and this is my attempt. here i go.

    All of the people who have commented on this document, be it small, big, tall, short, girl or boy famous or infamous i believe it dosen't matter.
    i think that most of you will take on look upon this post and say to themselves, "oh, another inspirational post of somebody's success" but it's not. it's a tale, a story, a divine intervention. you could call it.
    you may not want to read it, but i can tell you, you will anyway. something deep down inside your bod yis telling you that you want to, and probably should read this comment. because you know that there is a reason for it. just like there is a reason for eveything. there's a reason for the leaves to fall off the trees in autumn, there's a reason for the grass to change colour in autumn, there is a reason for you to be here and there is also a reason that you should read this comment and reflect unto it. not JUST read it, but REALLY read it, reflect on it, recode my every word and every sentance and discover it's true meaning, because what i mean by every word is not what i want you to think, but it in reality it is what you want to make of it.
    i could say "go out and do something with your life"
    and you could think "i'm going to master basketball, or karate or horseriding" it dosne't matter, but the underlying meaning of the sentance changes depending of the individual reading it. now this is why i wish for you to read and reflect on this passage. i know it might feel a little bit like school, but trust me, it'll will help, and if i doens't, you haven't read it well enough.

    as a wise man once said, "if you have the courage to complete your goals, aim the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars". so go outside and look at the moon. and just look at it. and think to yourself. "if the moon was a person, would it have worked to get up there, and if it did, what would it have to do to be in such a high place???"

    i'll tell you what it did, it worked. it worked as long as the day is hot, it worked until it's legs would fall out from under it, it worked until it had no energy left, he worked and worked and worked. he worked for his position, and he worked for him to be there, his position didn't just fall into his lap, he actually worked for it.
    because if you have ever wanted or sturggled for the something you wanted so bad, you have to aim for the moon, because even if you miss you will land among the cosmic array of suns, moons and stars. higher in all of your achievements then you could ever imagine. higher than anybody else who never had the courage to jump, and aim for something big, higher than the person you saw just last week, who only had the bar set right above his head. you will be above them all, and you will have earned that spot in the stars. whatever you strive to achieve, even if you do fail, you will have achieved something great. it may not have been what you wanted it to be, but it will, be forever, something great. and you will remember this forever. so go and achieve something big. you might still be young like me, but who said that that had to stop you? So Go on, and do something great, because it's impossible to have lived without failing unless you lived so cautiously that you might as well have not loved at all.

    even if you don't believe anyone can help you, even if you don't believe this post won't change anything, there is always someone in the back of the crowd, hoping that you make it. hoping that you come out of your misfurtune and sorrow and misery. that someone, is me. i may not know you, but i do knwo that the fact that you are depressed to the point of suicide is worth typing out this long message. again, i may not know you, but i do care. and i wish you all the best in your endeavours.

    you can contact me at my email, leave a brief description of who you are and what your story is, and i'll try my best fo help you. good luck everybody...i hope i helped...

  • Bianca

    I was searching about suicide for a school project when I happened onto this site. I've been reading these comments and almost had tears fall. I believe that the people who have been speaking here have a chance to survive. Know that there are people out there including me that feel empathy for you, and love you. Utah is a really good place to move to if you need an environment with kind people. One of these comments touched me, about a woman who was born illegitamately, and believes she is ugly and unwanted. She wrote it years ago, but I wanted her to know that she has touched me, and I'm going to report more on suicide, and try to make a difference. I think that the number one thing that the people commenting need is love, and a purpose. The young mother felt over whelmed by her children could look for help in childcare, or apply for federal aid. There are programs, and scholarships for those that will just apply. People, I'm not a hippie or gay, but I love you, and I believe there are others that love you. Please don't hurt yourself or others by making the bad decision. Think of all the good that you could do. Please stay.

  • Tired-of-it-all

    I've read other posts here, and i'm feeling the same way everyone else is, who is just tired of battling deperession. I'm in my 50's. I've contemplated suicide for a long time. In the past couple years life has gotten so bad, no one could EVER blame me! I pretty much have it planned out, however i (like a previous post)have three dogs who are my life, my very heart. The other poster mentioned their beloved dog, and how hard it will be for them to kill their dog before they take their own life, which is the only way- one doesn't want to leave their only 'children' without their 'mom'. That is the hardest thing having to have them euthenized, then bring them home to bury them before i take my own life. Each moment with them is the only joy i have. To have to eventually do this when i gather the strength to, is the ONLY thing keeping me alive. Thank you for listening.

  • Nothing

    I have attempted it many times, but it never worked. My mother thinks I'm crazy and I've lost everything and changed myself completely. I don't feel a purpose here anymore, but I refuse to let myself die. I don't know what would happen after I died. And I want to live to see what is to come.

  • Anonymous-51

    Unfortunatley mental health care in the USA is very inadequate. If you do feel suicidal and seek help at a hospital emergency room more than likely they have no mental health staff. You will be kept in the emergency room for hours even days until a mental health professional can come to "evaluate" you. You will then wait additional time to get in a bed at a mental health facility, you will have to be transported by ambulance (read large bill). The mental health facility will be a joke and you will receive no real treatment. One of the counselors that I encountered told me "I should just be happy--get a job at Home Depot." This unfortunately happended to me. Not only did I not get any help but I had a very large bill to pay and no follow up care from the facility. Please get help with an outpatient provider before you get in this dire situation. Because I sought help in this way I'm considered high risk for insurance and now cannot get insurance coverage.

  • Anonymous-52

    I am a 39 year old female. My whole life people have told me I am beautiful and talented but I have never believed them and I have shied away from social events as I have never known how to deal with the 'aftermath' or 'postmortem' I put myself through, worrying about how I might have been perceived by others. I have always been hypersensitive about animal/environmental issues and my mother and sister bullied me relentlessly when I was younger, saying I was 'weird' or a 'freak' and this really damaged my confidence. My sister especially would not stop until I was in tears. They have their own mental health issues. My Dad, who was also a depressive and self medicated with alcohol, died 6 years ago. I was his carer to the end. His death had a major impact on me and I don't think I have ever truly recovered from the loss of a true friend. I have self medicated with all sorts of illegal drugs, tried cognitive behavioural therapy, talking therapies, anti-depressants, etc, but nothing has worked. I am still me. I will always be me. I know I am completely useless. A waste of a life. Like others here, if it wasn't for my rescued animals, I would have long gone. Everyday I think of death, not life. This is no life, it is just an existence.

  • Alicia

    i am 20yr.old female, just turned yesterday on the 17th... i honestly think my depression started when i was 8years old, when i.found out my parents were crack heads.. that emotionally runied me as a person or so i think.. before i turned 15 i was so mean to my parents, i would get so mad and angry sometimes over nothing... my parents would get mad at me and i would hide in my bedroom for long periods of time, writing how i feel, amd the main thing was about theit addiction.. at the age of 12 i tried to kill my self because it hurt me so bad... they would spend all their money, rent, food, laundry, ect.. on crack cocaine. and me and my younger sister would get mad often because we had no food... ever since 16 i was always being kicked out, staying at friends/bfs/family members.... never some where stable to live.. and everytime i went home everything would be okay for a while, about a week. then it would all start all over again. getting yelled at, being told your lazy, you'll never amount to anything.. life for me was like walking on egg shells.. plus, at grade five starting a new school.. for 4 years, there i was bullied since day one.. because i had an emo style.. though i never cut my self i just like dressing that way, my peers would bully me at recess, in class when the teacher would leave... always being told ugly, saying i have a mostache or i look like sponge bob cause i have a tiny gap in my teeth... :( people are mean... alot of that hurts.. this one time i was so depressed, at home and school life i wrote on my old old nexopia account that i would take a gun to school and blow my brains out in the bathroom... people made fun of that alot.. i got in trouble by police... i was only in grade 8... that whole year i had only one feiend that stick by my side.. and if it wasnt for her i probably wouldnt be here today. the great thing is.that after all those years shes still my friend and we do talk. :)now ever since 2011, ive.met the love of my life, things were so great,.we had a baby which she is soon to be 1 by feb 28th , and my biggest question.. why do relationships fight, even so as much as arguments about 4times a week (RECENTLY)... it really bothers me, like everytime that happens.i hide in the room like i am right now and i sometimes well all the times i cry and cry and i think about.cutting but i dont do it... like im a normal person.. i like to think... but everytime we argue i get so severly upset like i cry like a child... i feel like im unappracted.. im a stay at home mom i havnt worked in 2years and im so scared like i dont even knpw how to multiply or divied...(pls excuse my spelling, wrtiting from my smartphone.) i seem to stutter and i CANT EVEN say sentances with out screwing my and soumding like a complete retard to people i dont know... :( im afraid of.meeting new people... i feel like i.try and try my best at he for my child and bf but no matter what i get sh*t on and it feels like sh*t cause.i feel depressed...i lived a hard life, and the last thing i.expect is my bf to get mad or even his.tone of voice gets me so angry.. i dont know what to do.. i cannot tirn to my parents.fpr help.. i cannot turn to family for help cause either they live too far away or there fu**ed up.. sometimes my only resort.is to leave by my self my.bf can have my daughter, and i go live in womens shelter and get on my own two feet.. and as much as that sounds bad... i hate.it it makes me feel absolutely horrible... about my self... makes me.really depressed.

  • kitty

    im 17 year old and i hate life ive always thought about suicide but when i started this research paper every one chose cool topics but i chose suicide ive always been differnt and i hated it i dont want to live im still suicidal and i ever scents i start this project ive been showing signs bad im in love with death i tell people a lie everyday i hide the fact that i am my mom hates it everyone thinks im liyng but im not the scary thing is i dont know wats holding me to be suicidal i guess i forgot or i dont want to think about it not all suicidal kids cut like i said im differnt.

  • Jer

    I have a lot of the same feelings. My own issues are complex but in a watered down version: I do not have any family support and I do not have any real friends who care about me on an emotional level. I have a good job and for the most part that is the only time I feel important. Im married to my high school sweetheart but I cant stand to be around her and havent had that deep emotional love for her for years. We have a daughter together who is 3, 3 dogs and along with marraige we have a house, cars, RV, etc. My wife cheated on me a couple years before we got married. I wanted to leave her but not having anyone else in my life I couldnt go anywhere unless I wanted to be homeless. Staying with her was the only choice. I have never got over her cheating and I found out that she slept with or had other sexuals relations with my friends too. This hasnt helped me cope and counseling only puts me on medication that costs hundreds of dollars and only numbs the pain. I really just want to die ad rest. I am Atheist so I dont worry about the aftermath, or the boogy man. I just dont want to wake up tomorrow. The only thing keeping me alive are my daughter and 3 pups. However im close to coping and accepting that they will evetually get over it since they will have my wife to care for them. I dont know what else to day or do. I just dont care anymore.

  • Anonymous-53

    i have had a rough past and well life has gotten better over the years. in second grade i realized i was different from everyone else. i liked different things and others seemed to like the same thing. i felt alone. in the 5th grade i started opening up a little but i never fully came out. in the 8th grade i couldnt hide it anymore and had to face it "i am gay" i went through self harm and eating disorders, i have popped pills and nothing helped. then i met this girl and fell in love. i have dated guys before but had no emotional or sexual pull towards them. in every relationship with girls they last the longest. i am now in a relationship with this amazing girl and i couldnt picture life without her. mentioning that she is depressed and its hard to watch her go through. i hep her in the best way i can but i know im not enough. me and her have both been through cutting and are now battling depression. any advice?

  • Anonymous-54

    I am commenting to let anyone who is thinking of committing this horrific act to please think about the impact of your actions on your loved ones. Yes, you may not feel like it, but they love and appreciate you and these people needlessly go through HELL if you complete the task. My beautiful spouse suffered from anxiety, depression, and bipolar condition for the past two decades. I accepted her for who she was- a truly beautiful woman. We were good for each other. I gave us a solid plan to live by, one which excluded debt and needless agitation from pursuit of her formerly stressful career as a teacher. The stress was too much for her and she retired with a disability pension. (She didn't recognize her own limitations..so strong was her desire to help others at the expense of herself.) I supported her in whatever she chose to do or not do. She gave me joy just by being with me. I respected her charity and caring personality. She balanced me. We both wanted children badly and knew we were running out of time being in our late 30's. We also recognized the need for her to go off the cocktail of meds that were keeping her balanced for so many years as these could be harmful to fetal development. Given her past accomplishments, I assumed she could do this. I had faith in her. That would prove to be a miscalculation. One day as I came home from work, I walked into our bedroom and found her by the hamper. Her back was against the wall and our home defense handgun was in her hand. Blood was all over the shirt she wore. The following few seconds when the mind puts this all together... I can't describe. To find your loved one dead from suicide. Think about that. Try and put yourself in my shoes. The guilt you put on yourself is immense. Never mind that she asked me to bring out the gun three days before because she said she felt frightened that she was alone while I was at work 10 hours a day. Never mind that we loved each other and affirmed it daily as soon as I came home every day with hugs and smiles. Never mind that this woman moved with me to this new community to share a life with me. What did I do wrong? Surely I did something wrong. Surely I did something...said something. Did I push her to do it? Should she have just tried to have a child while on all those meds? It's been 3 and a half months now. She was an only child. Her poor mother and I talk weekly. She blames herself. I blame myself. I feel tremendous guilt as I was entrusted to keep their only child safe and loved. What could we have done differently? One teeters on the brink of madness thinking about this. I nearly took myself out from the guilt though now it has abated. There are many casualties to suicide. The worst of this ordeal is that SHE is no longer here to love and be loved. The world has lost a truly benevolent and loving soul. One person dies but a piece of each person who loved them dies as well. Her parents will never see their only child again. Never have a grand child. I am left to press the reset button on my life at age 38. You see? Do you see the havoc this causes in other people's lives as a result of this selfish act? If you are thinking about suicide, know that you really send those closest to you in an emotional tailspin. It's not fair. It's. Not. Fair.

  • scott

    My girlfriend left me 5 months ago, and it left me with crippling aniexty and depression. I have started to lose my hair through the stress whichs adds to my depression. I have a son and family but even that dosnt make me happy. I have tied the rope in the garage and put the rope around my neck. I suppose I dont have the courage yet. Every day is fillied with unhappyness and shaking. I cant go on like this.

  • A 26

    All my life I have had it bad my own brother rape me for years and when I told my mom she said dont tell hyoid dad. She has always told me she wished I would die. Now that I am older I no longer contact anyone in my family. I am a mother of 3 and a wife I sufffor rom borderline personality disorder and ptsd. My husband is great to an extent but has also told me on several occasions he wish I would die and has recently said it in front of our children. It hurts to hear something like this from someone u love. I am not the nicest person to him a lot of true time be ause of my mental inkling ESA but it still hurts and now I have dreams of doing it but I dont think I ever could do it to my kids or him.

  • Shearzy

    No matter what people say to me isn't enough to wan't me to stay on this earth. I left my wife and son for a women 15 years younger then me and life changed. After 2 years with this girl she just moved on, I lost her, her son my son my wife all because i thought things could be better. 1 month of being on my own i was hit with a stroke. I sit at home every day on long term disability thinking why did i do this to my family. I am tired of fighting my health and ashamed of the person i have become. Suicide thoughts are in my head 24/7 and i am afraid that i will take my own life soon. All you guys out there who think the grass is greener on the other side think long and hard about it. Wish i could turn back the clock to 2011 but i made the mistake and the only way to fix it is to be gone.

  • Anonymous-55

    i just wanted to put something out there to the loved ones and friends, trying to guilt trip the person is a d*ck move and makes sh*t worse, and f***ing pitty is not welcome iether, "think about your loved ones" obviously thats a reason of hesitation or they aint feelen the love, and another disgusting thing to not say is "people who take there life are selfish" you may as well give em the finger no family no friends no religon nno politics no controvercial topics, let the pros handle the talking if you can. people rarely realize the power of words, but think about it, you might not be the one holding the gun but with your words you may as well be, mental manipulation is all based on information and we percieve information through our senceses and with words we manipulate that very perseption of that information thusly controling the interpretation and controlling the outcome action. but i do warn you when you mess with one persons mind you mess with your own. stay safe, live well

  • Anonymous-56

    I have tried several times to OD but always just vomited and got sick. Its now so many years that I have depression and suicidal thoughts. I am so tired of feeling this way. I am on medication but I just had enough. I cant take it any more. I want to die and get it over with. I DO NOT want to try anymore. I cant go on like this. I cant go through these emotions every now and then. There must be away I can commit suicide so that will look like an accident? ?? Please dont try to talk me out of it. Just give me an idee that will succeed.

  • Anonymous-57

    Ive been on the mental health ride now for over a decade.

    I've had shock therapy twice. I have taken all their useless medications.

    The ride never ends, and depression never stops.

    If you can find the courage, kill yourself.

    But instead, I get a disablity check, and have a case worker.

    They won't even let me drink beer.

    I wish I had.

  • Molly

    Hi.. I'm a 24 year old female living in Canada & I'm starting to get scared that I will do something drastic and irreversible. I have gone through periods of depression on and off since I can remember. At first it wasn't bad.. just low periods that last a few hours. Now it lasts weeks and the good periods in between (in which I am uncharacteristically social and productive) are getting shorter.

    A bit of background on me is that I grew up in a very diverse, mixed-up family. I have 5 siblings and all are half-siblings. I am the oldest. I've had to choose between parents my whole life and am currently with my Mom because I can't afford life on my own. I love my parents, so much. My Dad is an alcoholic and my Mom was previously addicted, but overcame, her addiction to painkillers. My life was tough before but now i have it pretty good (can afford my bills with a little extra left over, can drive and have a car, decent job, decent looking) and have a super supportive Mom and supportive friends. So why on earth would I want to die?

    I could be partially fu**ed from my Mom's friends teenage boys touching me when I was a kid? or maybe it was the war between my parents? maybe the evil b**ch step mother? the nagging addiction that followed my family? but that is all OVER so how can that have anything to do with it anymore?

    The thought of the future and doing this boring, meaningless sh*t for another 40-50 years terrifies me. Same small talk, same desk, same computer screen, same routine. Eat, sleep, cry, work, computer.. repeat. Maybe add in a dinner with a friend every now and then. My parents are both 43 and still struggling hard-core working their asses off to just barely get by, as I imagine I will have to endure if I stick around. I used to want kids, and love horseback riding and biking and swimming and skating and now I do nothing. I like nothing, ignore my friends, sit in my room and conjure up ideas and ways to not have to wake up tomorrow.

    I'm so incredibly weak! And I used to pride myself on being strong. Thoughts of suicide are more frequent and I get happy thinking about it and that's just not right is it? Or is everyone like this?

    Who knows.. Please if anyone feels the same or has been through something similar email me

    Molly

  • mla

    I've tried to read the above but its not what i'm looking for yes I'm down and feel a let down to be thinking of taking me own life i know i would be a let down to my family but i do't care i'm sick of beig told your be alright just get on with life i take all my medication but still i long to find away to go to sleep and not have to feel like this day after day nobody know what is going on in my head they all think it is easy to have a little chit chat if only they could understand talking is the last thing i wont i write this as i'm being sick after taking a hand full of tablets i have more to take as the sickness stops as i know it will so fedup with people i feel no pain just the sickness and the dackness creeping in around me its funny but this is the best i've felt in a long time so I'm off to sleep and i wish all a happy and peaceful day

  • Jean

    Our home was paid in full and my precious mother wanted to have it remodeled. She and I were going to pay for the remodeled in five years. What happen is that she died and the house was forclosed, i lost everything. People are so cruel. I have sort counselsing to no avail. I cannot kill myself, I am just existing, watching people live while i cry every single day and beg God to please guide me show me how to turn this around. How to help myself. I used to be strong. Now my self esteen, self confidence, I am an outcast in the commmunity. I just cry and don't know what to do except pray and cry.

  • Anonymous-58

    Just over 4 years ago I lost my job due to severe migraines. When I lost my job I couldn't pay my credit card debit which lead to judgements on my house. This stress along with all the pain from the chronic migraines has caused major depression. I have my death planned. I'm shopping for life insurance now. I have my goodbye letters written. I'm going to do my Facebook if I die later this month. I have to make sure everything goes as planned so that no one thinks it was suicide.

  • Anonymous-59

    All I ever wanted was someone to love and accept me for me I feel like such a loser. As a child my brother molested me and so did a family friend and being the extremely shy quiet kid I was I said nothing. I remember one time when I was around 9 my mom made me fold a load of laundry and the washclothes were not folded square, so she woke me up out of bed and beat me with a wooden spoon for what seemed like an eternity and this was a very repetitive thing for any stupid little mishap that a child shouldn't worry about. Now as and adult I have 0 self esteem and seriosly hate myself. I have absolutely no social skills And have never had a successful relatiomship over a few weeks because I'm boring and have no personality. I also have crohn's disease which really sucks. I tried killing myself in a car accident a few years ago and was resuscitated 3 times unfortunately, I screwed that up to. So no matter how hard I try I just can't care.

  • Anonymous-60

    No matter what you have done dont take YOUR life you can be sad deppresed just keep smiling no matter what aas much as you can no matter what you thrown away dont throw away YOUR LIFE you are you and you have to remember that you are amazing no matter what. And although being you may feel like a burden trust me its not. Watch anything that makes you happy a funny cat video. If your childhood was bad why not recreate it? Have a the childhood you wanted. Try to get a video game and play the blues away. Do what ever but dont harm yourself.

  • Anonymous-60

    PLEASE DON'T KILL YOURSELF I LOVE EVERYONE HERE I DON'T HAVE A REASON TO HATE THEM SO I LOVE THEM IF YOU FEEL NO ONE LOVES YOU I DO!

  • EK

    Like others who have left comments here and elsewhere on Internet forums, I plan to end a life neither I nor anyone else I have ever met values. I won't detail the whys because they don't matter, except to me. I have concluded that unless remission of one's dark mood is imminent, it is unwise to discuss the matter with others. Some react violently. Some flee, never to return. And some obstinately impose advice that, because of the nature of our feelings, carries an explicit or barely implicit threat of involuntary incarceration. I've been committed before, and it was among the most horrifying, undignified, painful experiences of my adult life. Never again.

    The gist of my comment, though, concerns what is arguably the ultimate expression of self ownership, namely the rights to evaluate autonomously the value of one's own life, and then, in the context of not bringing physical harm to others, dispose of one's own life if one chooses. Many would be horrified if an owner of a priceless work of art chose to destroy it, but that is the owner's right simply by dint of ownership. It should be the same with our own existence. Nor should the emotional effects on others trump one's own decision to stay or go. After all, in our Western culture, divorce, known to have substantial and potentially life-long negative effects on youths and adults alike, is permitted--increasingly devoid of the concept of fault. One's freedom to pursue what one finds will make one happy eclipses the opinions and wishes of others affected. Again, it should be the same with self delivery.

    Life is not easy. And for some, life is downright brutal. While some may choose to live on through unending challenges, finding coping mechanisms to facilitate survival, there is no valid philosophical reason to justify the wholesale obviation of lucid adult citizens' determination of the times and means of our own end. Judging from the increasing frequency of similar sentiments published by other world citizens, public opinion is changing. Much like the decriminalization and de-pathologizing of alternative sexual orientations, eventually the West will demand that government stay out of the definitively personal arena of self determination.

  • Rina van der Watt

    No matter what people say or do depression stays a private thing. Even when people try to help it still stays your dog. But what does make it more difficult is that people are scared of the depression we all carry inside ourselves. So generally the undepressed public tends to avoid those who are, or when they do mix with them, tend to steer away from those heavy topics. Its like death - nobody likes to talk about it or wants to be reminded of it. But it is all around us. It is part of us.

    Few are the souls who are willing to listen and share with compassion. But they are there. Mini saints. May they be blessed for offering up their capacity so other can share their darkness.

  • JH

    When one comes to the end of days, when illness and pain replace joy, I can understand how one could take his or her life.

    Life doesn't always go as planned, but we're told to put on a happy face, things will get better, and we comply year after year. When I finally retired and took time to step back and analyze what my life has been and where it's going, it is not done with the emotions of youth. It is done through the eyes of one who has pretty much seen it all. And honestly, my job here is done. I fulfilled my purpose in life as a good daughter, then wife and finally as a mother. I paid my way. I contributed to the economy and society in the usual, expected ways. It's just that, nothing more. I am done, ready to move on. Any chapters added to my current life would be redundant. There are "empty rooms, empty chairs." There are memories, there is a longing for those who are already gone. Is this our reward?

    There is depression, there is suicide among elders when they face the reality of struggles ahead be they mental, physical or economical. Elders become invisible. Our once vibrant, youthful looks and energies and abilities are gone. Purpose is removed. Family members don't want to know about our pain. Loneliness, depression and illness replace youth and meaning in life.

    Let us go our own way, rather than face a long and painful end. I have been diagnosed with an incurable disease. I refuse to burden anyone further. God bless us, everyone try to understand and forgive. Amen.

  • Emily

    Our family took in our nephew 5 years ago. Last year we found him hanging, dead. By some miracle, he survived. Last week he attempted suicide again. For the past year I have lived with the horror of finding him. Always afraid that he would do it again. Afraid to sleep, afraid to go to work, afraid to go anywhere because he he had 5 minutes alone he would try it again. And he did. In the shower. This time we found him again, and he lived. But we relinquished gguardianship this morning. Our family is traumatized by the suicide attempts and our once happy, joyful family is grieving and living in fear. He suffers from Reactive Associative Disorder, Bipolar, PTSD, depression and Anti social disorder (but they can't label it that because he is 16). The psychiatrist said if he came home, he would definitely kill himself and at least one of us. By showing him love the past five years, we made him worse. He has no remorse, only anger for saving him to live another day. MY

    fearr is so great, the truth is I want to kill myself before he can kill me. I am a sane woman, and have never been suicidal. But I am terrified of what will happen to me. my heart breaks for the trauma my sister and step father did too him as a child. I could not make it better for him. What makes it so scary, is he is a straight A student, charming, good looking, talented, etc. We "taught" him how to fake caring, empathy, everything. These horrible women who screw up children lives should be in prison. He will be in long term treatment 6-18 months. But then he Wil age out and can legally buy a gun. Even if he can't, he will find me, and he will kill me. If I could stop screaming on the inside long enough, maybe I could talk myself out of this. There is only terror in my soul. I don't fear death, only the way he will kill me. And the only thing they can say is to seek help and maybe they got to him in time to help him.

  • Tara

    My brother commited suside when i was in iraq 2009. I was in war and was a lost soul myself.

    we both grew up in a fu**ed up life style but he was adopted by a women who has 2 other odopted kids who r from same mother. Bless this women who was strong but weak.who faces very difficult times from my what my brother chose.she still chooses to make me part of her life.bless her im celtic but i do believe in many other things! Loneliness is depression and illness that replaces youth and meanining in life imhave read. Let us on our way rather than face a painful end.i have read!depression stays a private thing by rina vander watt.life is not easy and for some life is outright brutal, like myself. While some may choose to live on through unending challenges like i read. But i do live by this why would i commit suside when other people whould b happy im gone but i wanna live to make them unhappy so i won.my brother felt otherwise. Im sad he choose that way but im here to make his death right even though i lost to him. But thats my sadness. For those who give up please find something that makes u happy f**k every1 else live to make yourself happy no matter what u think is sad.u will find happiness.but i do belive even though im celtic that god leads his children in mysterious ways and chooses only those that that are willing to follow their impulse and have courage to face all the hardships of life

  • Anonymous-61

    I am suffering from a sexual addiction I can't control. I have failed my name, my wife, my son and my family. I don't think I can go on living. I don't think I want to go on living as such a failure. I hurt inside because my addictions hurt everyone around me. I just want things to go back to the way they were. everyone should hate me right now.

  • Anonymous-62

    I don't think anyone will get as far as reading my comment, but I just want to thank all that have commented and shared their experiences and thoughts. I don't feel crazy anymore, instead it just feels right! ! I can't wait to rest:)

  • Anonymous-63

    I grew up suffering from ADHD and with slight dyslexia. I was very much anti-social and avoided crowds altogether for the frightening claustrophobic sickness, and I was even bullied in school during my formative years. I lost my childhood and never realized that I had grown up so fast, the pain is never-ending. Misery taught me more than happiness, poverty taught me more than wealth, and all the blows I got brought out my inner fire. Today, at the age of 21, I run a startup and a non-profit organization that works towards the upliftment of the poor and the needy. I live a life where each day is a tight-rope walk, having to live by brushing death all the time. I couldn't help my girlfriend when she was suffering from depression, and I'm unable to forgive myself and let it go and this has led me to turn to excessive smoking and occasionaly smoking drugs. I love her the most and I'm afraid I'll hurt her so I'm very much lost right now. I'm the kinda guy who'll go stand by my belief and cause regardless of what the world thinks, and at the moment I'm at the rock bottom slowly losing hope. I had quit smoking and drugs but I have relapsed again. I live a polarised life, much like black and white. Depression at times and euphoria and celebration during the other times. It's hard to live knowing the reality of this planet's future.

  • Megan

    I Think bout suicide a lot. Like everyday. I don't like people helping me if I don't ask for it,which I hardly ever ask for help.

    I also don't like people touching me. I get really angry if they do and I tell them not to touch me.

    I guess it's cause a few years ago my cousin and brothers molested me, one of my brothers deny it and the other one suss he is sorry and my cousin no one knows about.

    And my cousin did it again last year and this year. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I think bout it allot and if a guy gets near me or even shows affection I feel very uncomfortable. I'm kinda scared to go out with certain guys. And when my parents found out bout my brothers they didn't do nothing bout it they just sat us down to talk and thought they figured out out just by that and they put it behind them that day. They didn't hug me ask me if I was ok or nothing. Ever since they look at me different. Even if someone brings up a subject containing to anything like that I have to leave the room.

    But enough with that. I've tried to kill myself a few times. I've harmed myself. I almost overdosed 2 and the first time wasn't on purpose. I've thought bout killing myself in do many ways. I 've had dreams bout me getting hurt or killed by myself, by someone else, by a storm or something and always have them a lot. I just wish someone would care enough to do something cause I dont know what I'm gonna do anymore.

  • Connie

    I have such empathy for all writing messages, PLEASE KNOW THAT THERE IS HELP...You are not alone. May be chemical imbalance depression and need right medicine, which can be managed. Could be years of holding in feelings even to a point we feel shame. Counselling or therapy can really help. If believer in God may feel discounted , He, God will never leave us or forsake us the bible says. I know for myself when I help others makes me feel worthy and good inside. I've been on both side of the fence my immediate family members are gone too young and effected us all. There are support groups or individual therapy that as well help as well. For myselfself I'm a non denominational Christian. I'm so blessed to know I have a Lord and Savior that is always there for me. God changed me and without my test I would have no testimony to help others. Environmental factors have a lot to do with who we are. Our past does not define us , God promises us a plan for a hope and a future, He does give us free choice. He wants us to Love Him because we want to not because we have to. The day I excepted Jesus in my heart to be my personal savior and asked forgiveness of sin was the day Jesus worked on me from the inside out. I never thought I'd free better or be at a happy place in my life, but God is so merciful and I am so blessed to have His Grace. We can all have it, the bible says , ask and you shall receive great and mighty things that thrall Knowest not. In Proverbs 3:5-6 says,,, TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL THY HEART AND HE SHALL DIRECT THY PATH. I CARE FOR EACH AND EVERYONE ON THESE SITE HURTING.YOU ARE NOT ALONE BUT TOGETHER WITH GOD GUIDANCE AND LOVE WE CAN ALL GET THOUGH THE ROUGH SEASON.....GOD BLESS......WE STAND TOGETHER STRONG :-)

  • Anonymous-64

    Suicide is selfish and to the individual it's a means of loss hope and a way to end the pain. I feel this but I fear leaving my family behind and I fear hell

  • Anonymous-65

    To Megan, I know what you're what going through since I had the same experience like yours. I will never forget what happened. Mine happened when I was young and I always thought it was just immaturity and childish acts. My cousin and I never discussed it again. It's very odd to talk about it anymore as we have grown older now. Sometimes, I think about it and gives me the creeps yet chose to forget what had happened. It seems like your parents let it all go for your family's sake and not to remind everyone about those unfortunate events. It does not mean that they don't care about you, it only means they just don't want to sprinkle a sting on the wounds that should not had happen on the first place. I suggest to let your parents know about what your cousin is constantly doing to you. I want you to get their attention, desperately cry for help so it would not happen again. I am sure this time they will do something about it. I also want you to visit a shrink to get your past out of your system so you could let it go and peacefully go on with your life that is way ahead of you. Lastly, I want you to pray, you may not believe in God but try to start to. Believe me, things will fall into its right place if you do keep the faith. Pray for the knowledge, the courage, the wisdom and the stength. I have been through so much, fallen and has risen again but the only thing that was constant was my faith. So please keep praying!

  • Janelle

    I seriously hate my life . I always have for some reason , I just have never been TRULY happy with myself or my life . My dad makes me feel like sh*t about myself evey single day , my boyfriend of over 2 years left me TODAY after I worked my a*s off to help him get a job & car to get to that job , he basically used me , my family is broken up & spread out through the states cause no one wants to be near eachother .. All my "friends" are fake . All my co workers are fake . I had ONE bestfriend , & he passed away a couple weeks ago ... Like I have NO ONE . Im so done with life . I know people may have it worse than me but I havent even told you guys HALF of my life .. I have just reached my point to where I just cant take this depression anymore , this stress , this aching pain in my heart . Im tires ofnstressing over money , Im tired of stressing over people , over work , EVERYTHING !! I want to end my life but im scared . Im scared that Ill end up surviving or that ill suffer . Im scares of what will happen after I die . Will I get to see my bestfriend ? Will he be waiting for me ? & my uncle and my other friends that have passes away . I dont know what I believe in as far as god .. Obviously there IS something that created us somehow but I still pray & pray & pray that things get better & help me & guide me the right way & I still get fu**ed over . Im a 19 year old girl & im just completely over everything ... I dont want to talk to a stranger just to lie to my face & tell me Im going to be okay . I can tell myself that for free ..

  • Kya

    I've always felt rejection or good enough. And in reality that is the case. I can fantasies and dream all I want about the life I want to have or deserve to have but in reality it's always been everything but what I've wanted or needed it to be... Life is so effing horrible, I hate being here I really believe that I don't belong here I try each and every day to be the good person or do things right because my life is already hard and there's no point in making it harder because I don't like it here... I hate the way human beings are they lie and use good people until they are all used up and they just don't care about anything or anyone that should matter.... It's just so much wrong in my life and in this world I'm just ready to not be here anymore. I've tried everything to change my mindset but I'm not fooling myself I know that one day if things don't get better soon for me ill have the courage to go through with it and end all this bullshit of a life of mine... I can't think about all my family and friends because they aren't living with the pain arhat I deal with in my heart and mind everyday... If I could live for them I would but I can't I can only think about how I feel everyday and I'm tired of looking for a way out of this world when there is truly only one way and that's death... Cause drugs just won't do it for me anymore

  • Anonymous-66

    My Mom passed away suddenly a month ago. I had to take care of everything. Now that the service is over I don't have anything keeping me busy. Not only that but I have some pretty serious health issues and I'm unable to work which makes money very tight. My husband works hard to keep us where we are. Since Mom died I just feel empty because she was my rock,the one I called when it felt like the world was closing in on me. I know I have many that love me, but I feel so alone. I have so many feelings about everything that I'm just trying to make it from day to day. I'm not going to lie I've had the thought that everyone would be better off without me cause I'm just a burden. I try to shake that feeling, but it never really goes away. We lost my Uncle 3yrs ago to suicide and going through that loss was one of the hardest things we've ever went through. I don't want to do that to my family. I don't even know where these feelings come from. What can I do to help myself??

  • Chad

    For five years now I've struggled with some type of ocd/anxiety disorder that makes it extremely hard for me to be around people. This has led to major depression and isolation and I just want to be normal like everyone else but I just can't, and if things don't change in my future I know I can't go on like this. I don't want to die, I want to join the airforce but due to my problems/ medical past I don't think I would be able to join, and if that happens there's no hope for me.

  • Anonymous-67

    Oh please - do-gooders working for big pharma (and it's puppets, the medical profession) and sleazy politicians with their beloved bed buddy, religion, urging those who can actually SEE the evil that governs humanity and the sheer futility of trying to exist under it, are urging us NOT to leave this life but to get ourselves hooked into big pharma's 'mental-health system' instead.

    If there's three things I loathe above all others, it's big pharma, right-wing politicians and do-gooders all of who are terrified of losing their global slaves and guinea pigs.

    Get real.

    The intelligent ones are those who see what's going on and choose to glide away from this miserable life governed by monsters.

  • Aaron Shermuly

    I have been having "suicidal arguments" with myself for around 2 years now... so far i have a way of somewhat controlling it by Gaming on either a ps3 or my laptop. i still have them probably 3 or 4 times a week but i tend to get my stuff taken away alot because i dont care about anything any more i am a freshman in highschool and i have F's in basicaly all of my classes exept for computer technology because i know basicaly all they teach for that class because i love being on my computer and when i get my stuff taken away that is when i get my real thoughts on it because i have nothing to occupy my mind what also makes me seriously think about it are most sundays when i think about having to go to school the next day i cant deal with school any more i have asked my mom to get me in an online school several times because i think it would be best for me because i wouldn't have to deal with the stress of peoples thoughts about me i basically have no friends i sit alone at lunch and i would like an online school alot better but its like she doesnt care about what i think ive also asked her about moving in with my grandma who lives in the same town because i pretty much hate living in this house with my 16 year old sister and my 8 year old sister i am 14 and i cry every night because of it i often have bad dreams that i wake up to about me dying in some way like one was me crashing a semi and getting run over and another was someone murdering me with wires and they only happen when i go to bed at a decent time so i dont sleep much at all i think i need help but i dont want to be talked to by a therapist because legally they have to report anything illegal to someone and i dont want to be sent to a mental institution i just want to have a normal life... any ways sorry for taking up your time i just dont think i will be able to deal with it next time she takes my stuff if you have any thing to say i check my email daily. thank you for reading... Bye.

  • Munir

    I feel like people that are really depressed and think that the only way out is through suicide feel that they are truly alone in the world, and that no one cares about them. Even if its not the case, they make it the case in their minds. I can totally imagine not feeling loved by anyone. I bet it could definitely make even the strongest people feel weak. I personally also think that everyone should take every opportunity they get to become stronger mentally so that they never have to be in a position like this. Everyone should (in the ideal world) have it in them to be able to recognize where they are going wrong and fix the problem. I believe that change that comes from within is the best kind of change. I used to be a victim of depression until I changed my view on life. Until i realized that no one could help me more than I could help myself. My empathy goes out to all of you who are feeling hopeless right now. But don't worry, there is a way out. You can help yourself out of the trouble that you are feeling. I promise you can, but it will take work. It is not hard, it will just take work. Everyday you will have to wake up and push yourself to smiling even though you don't want to. everyday you will have to do the things you don't want to do, and soon you will find that you get such pleasure from facing your fears. every sign of adversity will be an opportunity for you to overcome and grow. you will become so strong mentally. If you need support, reddit has an active community that is willingly to listen to you and support you along your way. here is the link to that: http://www.reddit.com/r/depression and two articles that really helped me open my eyes are: http://www.popularfit.com/finding-happiness/ http://www.popularfit.com/end-depression/ Best of luck to you on your journey. seek help if you need it. listen to your thoughts objectively. find the root of your problems. find the root and cure the root and watch your life flower into a happy, wholesome, enjoyable experience. good luck guys. God Bless.

  • Anonymous-65

    For the young, when things don't fall the way we want it to be, it may feel like it's the end of the world. It may feel like there is no hope left, nothing else to do and no time to make things happen. But you are mistaken, nobody else knows this but the 'once young'. As they say: 'when a door shuts down, a window opens'. Sometimes, we have to look beyond what we desire. You'll be surprised what going to happen next. It may turn out even better than you've expect. Life is good, yes it has it's ups and downs, highs and lows but you have to keep the faith to yourself, faith with God and He will do the rest. He woudn't give a problem he knows you can't conquer yourself. Live. Lighten up and be happy. All the best to you!

  • miriam

    I can not say much but I suffer from PTSD for 10yrs now and it is only a matter of time. I am very very tired and have seen so many of my friends pass through suicide. Only recently my family member suicided. I felt and saw the great grief that it brought to the family and so many people who loved him dearly as I did. But he didnt know that love - he only felt the loneliness as I do every day and night and I understand the pain he was going through. He thought no one loved him and was all alone. All he wanted was one person to say to him I love and care come here. But those words were not what he heard from only NO!! AND HE DIDNT RING ME OTHERWISE HE WOULD BE STILL HERE! People who say you will get over it do not understand such loneliness and the depth of despair. If someone can wave that magic wand and it is all gone please send it here. I do notice that there is a disclaimer that that this may not be published here which may say something about people cannot be open and honest on this page. If published then thank you for reading my very short story.

  • Anonymous-68

    I cannot speak for anyone else, and I have some unique issues, but for me ERs are completely UNSAFE. I literally got ptsd after my last visit. I had to recover not only emotionally but medically/physically after being there. I am still not even close to being over what happened to me almost 2 years ago. This is unfortunate as legally that is the only place to be sent when actively suicidal. How ironic, cruelly ironic. I cannot go to an ER or risk hotlines as they trace calls and could well send police who them drag me to the ER. I am on my own which is effing scary given how I feel so often.

  • Anonymous-69

    I too suffer from what has been labeled as complex ptsd as well as complex trama and cannot handle a trip to the ER as it will trigger a bad response made the mistake of telling my therapist I was suicidal and she had commited for a 72 hr hold aaaand am still trying to get over that experience but am stlii thinking of commiting suicide

  • matthew

    im 24, i got autisim, aspergers, and tourettes since i was 6 years old. i have lived with my mother since i was 15. since my mother hooked up with this puerto ricican who she now claims is her husband since they been together for so long. ive come to distant myself from him cause of there family buisness and them treating me like a personal slave for it. every morning from 4 i wake up to 10 at night. i get low pay around 20 bucks a day. its driving me crazy and my mom keeps manapulting me to stay here and im on the brink of killing myself. even when i say im moving out and gonna move down to see my father she always tells me lies that he was never there for me yet he told me to come down anytime when im feeling stressed out with my mother and stepdad. she always says he will lead me down the wrong way etc. ifk how to deal with this other then hide from them out of there house and find a hotel and not tell them were i am.

  • Spade

    Hi my name is Spade, I'm agender, have adhd, ptsd, bpd, aspd, DID, depression and anxiety, theres probably more because my mind is so damaged from everything thats happened to me but i wont go into it more.

    Im in tenth grade and great googly moogly everything has gone to sh*t. Im behind on all my work by atleast a week, my parents constantly yell at and abuse me, i have nobody to talk to at school, and the one friend i do have i can only visit on weekends. The reason i want to kill myself is because i will never be able to function in this terrible society i have the displeasure of calling home and my parents will never love who i am. Because of my brain stuff and the constant mental, emotional, and verbal abuse i recieve from my parents im pretty much unstable everywhere and cant get anything done, even fun things that i love to do. My alters are constantly fu**ing my relationships up and hurting other people along with making me look like a freak. They have to pretend to be me in school and you can guess how well that goes. My brain constantly repeats things like "you are worthless" and "you are a dissapointment" and "you should die" and "nobody loves you" and I have paranoia about being abandoned or my friends dying so often i cant count them. I dont want to go to a mental hospital and being misgendered is making my self worth go to sh*t, when i came out to my parents about my sexuality they abused and yelled at me for monthes saying i was going to hell and I was making a mistake and its just a phase although ive felt like this my entire fifteen years of living. Its the same thing for my gender, so you can see why i cant come out to them ever, if i do i will be yelled at, have my only sense of security and happiness-- my computer-- taken away, and continued to be misgendered or they will say my name in a mocking tone and make me feel invalid. I have no hope for anything. Ill never get to see my 20th birthday. Why shouldnt I just end my suffering and dont give me that "it gets better" or "believe in god" bullsh*t because thats what put me in this position in the first place. Give me valid reasons of what i can do with my life I dont want to die but im running out of options here.

  • Anonymous-70

    Here, swallow these lies and you'll be fine...or worse, possibly worse and when that happens we'll try some different lies. When those lies cause you horrendous side effects and suicidal ideation we'll try yet more lies until you're completely lifeless at which point we'll just shrug our shoulders and conclude that psychotropic drugs aren't for everyone.

    Chemically imbalanced? Apparently that's lies as well. Here's a drug which will correct the chemical imbalance in your brain which you may or may not have, impossible to say really because there's absolutely no evidence to support this theory whatsoever.

    However we may not have been certain of a chemical imbalance before originally prescribing you poison but it's more than likely that you do have one now.

    Here's some klonopin, hope your wife and children are well. Good luck now trying to care for them, have a nice life sir!

    Dangerously uninformed GP's really have no idea the crap that they're feeding their patients when they prescribe an antidepressant.

    The only reason I'm still living is because I can not bear the thought of my family grieving my suicide and the damage it would most certainly do. That is all.

    Ironically, I do already feel dead.

  • Visitor

    No matter how many self-appointed "web experts" try to reduce the issue of suicide to simplistic formulas and generalities, every individual case is different. We see this in these comments. Even the superficially similar ones are really different in detail.

    I think the biggest block to defusing suicidal urges is the impossibility of free accepting debate. Until the continous wail of "dont do it" and denial starts to die down we will never feel free to really evaluate our options.

    I have coped with a desire to be dead for five years. One of the things that has been hardest and at times almost provoked me to commit suicide has been the incessant internet chorus "life is great" coming from patent idiots who clearly know little of reality as it is lived by, oh lets see, about four billion of the seven billion people on Earth.

    Typical are those comments that say "so and so killed themselves now WE are all suffering so there that proves we cared". The contradiction in such clearly selfish statements is incredibly obvious. One even lists all sorts of people not even connected to the suicide and blames their failings on her! These are not caring people. These are emotional parasites, vampires almost. For a mother to write that about a dead daughter is to me the ultimate demonstration that NO, really she did NOT care when it was needed. Rather, she realises this and what she has lost only now after her child has gone.

    All the young people saying they want to end their life do make me want to say DONT. But its different for mature people. Mature discussion should acknowledge this. Sometime, most of us will realise we have seen and done all that we want to, lets end on a high. Do you always sit to the end of an over-long dead boring movie? I would say only an idiot would.

    Some of us do not need to worry about affecting others. For example, I have absolutely no family and one friend who merely says my death would be a nuisance as she would need to sort it out afterwards, no big deal though. Western society is in denial about death. Reading anti-suicide posts I get the impression that the people who write them think that if they dont kill themselves everybody will live forever. I also suspect that they protest too strongly...like people who denounce other peoples lifestyles, because they fear their own secret urges. They seem to think that in order to get happy themselves they must prevent others from expressing the legitimate view that life is difficult.

    To end positively, young readers should think of all the possibilities they have of things changing for the better. Try to find non-judgemental people to discuss it with. Express your negative urges so you can hear them and you may find that you realise its not really what you choose so much as simply wanting to say it aloud.

    That is why this is a good site.Thankyou for allowing people this space. Please alow people to continue to let it out.

  • Anonymous-71

    Many of us have all experienced rejection, loneliness, isolation, and feeling hopeless. Some just hide it better than others. Don't hold back when you see someone who needs support. Say something encouraging. Hold the door for them. Anything. Show them there are people who care and know what it feels like.