Types Of Abuse

Becoming aware of the forms that abuse can take helps you to be better prepared to recognize such behavior as abusive. Once you are able to label abuse, you can begin to take steps necessary to stop it from happening or repeating.

  • Verbal Abuse occurs when one person uses words and body language to inappropriately criticize another person. Verbal abuse often involves 'putdowns' and name-calling intended to make the victim feel they are not worthy of love or respect, and that they do not have ability or talent. If the victim speaks up against these statements, they are often told that the criticisms were "just a joke", and that it is their own problem that they do not find the joke funny. They may also be told that no abuse is happening; that it is "all in their head". Verbal abuse is dangerous because it is often not easily recognized as abuse, and therefore it can go on for extended periods, causing severe damage to victim's self-esteem and self-worth. Damaged victims may fail to take advantage of opportunities that would enrich their lives because they come to believe they are not worthy of those opportunities.
  • Psychological Abuse (also known as mental abuse or emotional abuse) occurs when one person controls information available to another person so as to manipulate that person's sense of reality; what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. For example, psychological abuse might occur when a pedophile tells a child victim that she caused the pedophile to abuse her because she is a 'slut' who 'tempted' the pedophile. Psychological abuse often contains strong emotionally manipulative content designed to force the victim to comply with the abuser's wishes. It may be emotional abuse in this sense when it is designed to cause emotional pain to victims or to “mess with their heads” in attempts to gain compliance and counter any resistance. Alternatively, psychological abuse may occur when one victim is forced to watch another be abused in some fashion (verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually). Like verbal abuse, psychological abuse is often not recognized as abuse early on and can result in serious sequela (psychological after effects) later on.
  • Physical Abuse occurs when one person uses physical pain or threat of physical force to intimidate another person. Actual physical abuse may involve simple slaps or pushes, or it may involve a full on physical beating complete with punching, kicking, hair pulling, scratching, and real physical damage sufficient in some cases to require hospitalization. In particularly violent instances, people can die from the injuries they sustain while being physically abused. Physical abuse is abusive whether bruises or physical damage occur or not. Physical abuse may involve the mere threat of physical violence if the victim does not comply with the wishes of the abuser, and still be considered physical abuse.
  • Sexual Abuse of children or adults includes any sort of unwanted sexual contact perpetrated on a victim by an abuser. Molestation, incest, inappropriate touching (with or without intercourse), and partner or date rape are all instances of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse also occurs if one partner has agreed to a certain level of sexual activity and another level is forced upon her (or him) without prior explicit consent being given. Sexual abuse is often coupled with physical abuse (or threat of physical abuse) and emotional abuse. For instance, pedophile child molesters will often threaten harm to their victims or to someone or something their victim cares about in order to compel that victim's silence about the sexual abuse or to convince the victim that he or she “asked for it” in some way. Difficult to detect drugs like Rohypnol (known as "Ruffies" on the street) may be put into the drinks of date rape victims (a form of physical abuse) to make them pliable and easy to rape.
  • Neglect occurs when a person fails to provide for the basic needs of one or more dependent victims he or she is responsible for. Basic needs include adequate and appropriate food, shelter, clothing, hygiene, and love or care. The idea of neglect presupposes that the neglectful person is capable of being responsible in the first place. For example, it is neglect when an employed parent fails to care for their child adequately. It is still neglect when a parent is unable to provide for their child despite their best efforts due to extreme poverty or illness, but the neglect is perhaps mitigated by the circumstances. Neglect can only happen to dependent persons. For this reason, it most typically involves children or dependent elders who are not taken care of properly by their families or caregivers.
  • Hate Crimes are a type of abuse that involve verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse toward an individual or a group of individuals based solely on some characteristic they may share in common with others such as their religious or sexual affiliations or the color of their skin. In the United States hate crime are defined as crimes in which "the defendant's conduct was motivated by hatred, bias, or prejudice, based on the actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation or gender identity of another individual or group of individuals" (HR 4797). In 1994, the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act added disabilities to the above list.

    Hate crimes involve scapegoating; the placing of blame for something that has occurred (or is believed to have occurred; whether or not it really has occurred) on an undeserving individual or group simply because they share characteristics with those alleged to have been involved in the upsetting event. For example, hate crimes against people involved in the Islamic faith rose in the aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks after it was made clear that those terrorists subscribed to a form of the Islamic faith. Other examples are easy to list. Attacks on Jews throughout history have been justified by saying that "the Jews killed Jesus". Racial tensions in America and around the world remain high despite years of efforts attempting to lessen such tensions. Attacks on gay people (Matthew Sheppard) and transgender people (Gwen Araujo) occur with frequency because their sexuality is non-mainstream and thus threatening, and because some clergy preach that such non-mainstream forms of sexuality are abominations, using selected portions of the Bible to justify their particular brands of intolerance.

Comments
  • michael

    i was a victim of mental abuse every thing you said in your article happen to me i would like to join other victims to start a protest against this and educate law makers in making a law against mental abuse mine story and others has to be herd will you help get this done

  • Stephanie

    Micheal, I totaly agree the justice system and the law obviously dont know what mental abuse is. My daughters father was yelling and cussing at her in front of police officers and she was also in danger of physical abuse as well. The police officers said that he was not mentally abusing her. That is why there is so many kids today that are being abused in all kinds of ways because the law dont take any action on situations such as these. They want to wait until it is to late and a child is dead or in the hospital. They need to start investigating more tips that they recieve it is better to be safe then sorry.We need to get as much help and do something about this so that not many more children have to go through this. Please if you are a victim of this kind of abuse please voice your opinion. Thank you

  • Anna

    Two days after our wedding day, my husband dramatically changed. He became controlling in such a way, that I had feelings of deep resentment. He would verbally abuse me, tell me how unfortunate it is that i was born a girl, that i have no right to tell him how he should treat me. He would control everything, he wouldnt let me go outside, or talk to my sister, or go to university. I began to feel like this was normal. But this was just the beginning. Only 1 month after being married my husband lost control of a situation, and i felt very very frightened. I tried to call my mum and my sister, but he smashed all the phones, locked all the doors, and held me down in the bedroom. He kept screaming at me "Shut up" and although he didn't hit me, he held me down, and physically abused me in this way. He repeatedly kept telling me that it was my fault, and that I should apologise. He made me feel like he was a giant, and I was a mere ant. No one should ever experience what I have experienced.

  • Anna

    my husband walked on work when his mother died 25years ago, hes says the most wicket things to me eg YOU ARE LOWER THAN A SNAKES BELLY, the fact that yoyr father wouldnt give you away at our wedding would have put most men off you, i always felt i was raping you in bed and if you couldnt make me happy up stairs then there was no chance of me making you happy. ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD, DON:T BLAME ME FOR WHATS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD, every time he speaks hes uses the F word , yes he makes the meals and i care for my braindamaged son 24/7, i take car eof all the bills, anything breaks i replace it,, no one will ever know what goes on behind my closed doors, i just hate being around him these days and love it when he goes out, my letters he opens and he listens in if th ephone rings, even my lads have seen a lot and they do feel for me, the sex part went years ago and hes always said YOU DONT LIKE SEX , so yes throw the blame on to me, i now hate myself that much, my husband always worked nights when he worked all those years back so i never really got to know him right and i was abrused as a child in more ways than one so took the easy way out and took the first offer of marriage i was offered, when he was not at work on nights he was out at the local with his friends, i felt his mother was the number one woman in his life, i have always felt unloved by him even in our early years of marriage, the only comfort i now have is my computer and feel guilty at this some times, it wuld be great to hear him say what sort of plants would you like in the garden or hes a £5 go and treat yourself, i guess in away it could be me and yes i deserve to be spoken to like this , if i am fool enough to take it then i DO deserve this, the swearing what makes me the right to say that he should not use the F word all those times each day, the slaps i used to get WELL he said he was defending his self yes i am just under 5ft tall and hes much stronger than i am and yes i did try to hit back, yes i have been beaten but not for 15years now and it was a one off in drink, i feel so low and i think i am getting lower, i dare not speak most of the time, he talks an di listen , i think in a way i am crying out for a listening ear , i dare not even tell him if i dont want to eat what he cooks and sneek and put it in the bin bit by bit when hes not looks , GOD what have i done to take this , well i write this to help others that might be going through what i am, fear is a terrable thing

  • valentina

    i wish to stop be mean persons in the world so everybody to stop pain

  • Debra July 09, 2006

    I have taken domestic violence support groups for quite some time and my eyes have been opened! My husband is being threatened into control by his mother to act in a manner she deems appropriate. All he asked our kids is why don't you talk to mommie? Sometimes my kids won't talk to me at court approved public events. I'm told I can't talk to them and the message CPS sends to my kids is fear. My daugher who is a diabetic is not empowered to take care of her diabetes after 3 years of care by her and CPS. My daughter acts like her diabetes is not important as is she, and it breaks my heart. Your article is right on when it comes to the abused thinking less of themselves. What do you have on family of origins? I think the abusers family should stay out of the child rearing business because they couldn't get it right in the first place. What articles do you have on the effects of domestic violence on the child and pseudoseizures, I have several hospitals who passed on this diagnosis on the basis of a medical doctor not a psychological specialist. My diabetic daughter's pseudoseizures are returning this time it was witnessed at school. I have been accused of causing harm to my child and was labeled Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy. I have yet to be psychologically evaluated for this disorder that hasn't been admitted to the DSM-4. Who really protects the kids? Write me back!

  • Sonja

    I was abused as a child by my mother's boyfriend, who was on drugs. I finally got fed up and went into foster care at my aunts house. I thought things would be different...no more getting hit everyday and no more name calling. Yet, I was wrong it only got worse. My aunt's husband use to abuse her and I finally called the cops because I'd had enough. Although my aunt has also be raped by my grandfather as a teen and as a result she gave birth to my uncle. Years of living her house she would say things such as, "She needs to be disicplined" or "my parents beat me and I'm still alive". And so she would hit me if I did something wrong but now that I'm 18 years old and she doesn't have any control its gotten worse. When I was a child I took the beatenings becauase I didn't have anywhere else to go. I still have no home, no job, and my friends and family have their own lives, they don't want to deal with my aunt. I'm a sophmore in college now and I tried to get away by attending college in another state but since my aunt recieves my check every month it's hard to break away. She also took out a loan for me to go to school, and I am thankful. Yet after a year she brought me back from college to my small home town. I get up every morning and I clean the house from top to bottom and plus I watch her new foster children, she has 2 girls. Her and I can't have a conversation because she always finds a way to make things negative...to the point where she yells and curses at me. I don't like it and I just walk away but it seems like she's always looking for a reason to be angery or upset. She's never truely been a happy person AND it reflects on everyone. She worries about the loan all the time and she takes her fustration out on me, the foster kids, or her husband who can't stand being around her. I would break away from this but she holds me back by, not letting me learn how to drive, I can't go to the park down the street or talk to people in my neighborhood, she talks to other adults about my failures in front of me, calling me names, bringing up my abused lifestyle with my mother, and conplains that I don't clean enough or do enough in her home. When she gets angry it's horrible, she curses, she hits you with anything, lately I was in the bathroom at my brother's house and I was doing my hair with a curling iron, I let her come in to use the bathroom, then she told my brother and his guest that I was smacked my lips, when I denied it, she took the door and hit me in the face two times. Her rage has gotten out of hand and even though I stand up to her she still believes she right because I live in her home. I want this verbal and physical abuse to end. For 14 years I've been depressed and I've even thought of sucide. Things need to change, parents are stirring away from physically abuse to mental abuse...it's all about control.

  • Susanne

    Self-education is the key for any/all victims of abuse. It is crucial for adults of any age to read, read, read and learn, learn, learn all you can about all the various types of abuse and abusive people. Knowledge empowers people. Knowledge is a tool, a sword, and a suit of armor. To use the brain that God gave us to reinforce our mental faculties against further/additional/new/future would-be abusers is the answer. To deal with past abuse you must become determined as an individual to protect yourself by dealing assertively with abusive people in your life. It will also be a healing start to confront the abusers with solid legal history on paper, written and recorded, even notorized legally. The Steps to Healing: healing is a life-long continuum: 1) To admit to have once being abused is the beginning. 2) To get the proper help you may need to take abvantage of the free legal system and free medical and/or psychological help needed. 3) Read, read learn, learn--never stop. Self-education is a life-long job. No one can do it for us but ourselves. 4) Make resonable life-goals for yourself. Do and be your very best, make the most of each day. 5) Never give in to depression and/or self-pity, or vices. 6) Ask God's help: our creator hears our prayers. 7) Have a positive attitude and reject/force away negative thoughts. 8) Think hard about who you are, and of what you want out of life. Dream of your goals and make them happen by taking positive steps to make them come true. NO ONE ELSE CAN DO THIS FOR YOU. 9) Happiness comes with inner contentment of knowing who you are and moving day by day towards your goal(s). Every journey begins with the first step. 10) It's all mental! Everything takes place in your mind: Create your personal paradise inside your mind, know where you are going in your life and dont let people, problems, or issues divert you from your life's goals. 11) Do not live in the "past", by dwelling overly much on past abuse and injustices that have been committed against you. Neither live in the future too much because you will miss out on the present. It is a delicate balance. 12) Find out what makes you happy and do these things: make sure they are intellectual or constructive things, such as hobbies and skills. Not depraved vices that will pull you down into an early grave. 13) Become a strong person inside, one who doesn't care what anyone thinks, says, or does to you. You have to force your brain to do this, because as children and adolescents (and even middle-aged people) we all seek approval. 14) INNER STRENGTH is a big key: seek and you shall find: knowledge, comfort, creativity, happiness, and success in your own right 15) SELF-RELIANCE: Being able to pay your own rent and buy your own food is a start. Anyone can do it: "the facade of false security" by relying on others invites possible abuse. 16) Your secret place is right inside your head. All you need is some peace and quiet and you can tune out the external world of chaos and noise. Bring a paperback and/or diary, sketchpad, day planner with you where ever you go. The most successful people one earth do this very thing. That way when they get a good idea or an inspirational plan, they can record it. The brain creates in its own time. Tap your creative capabilites. 17) ABUSE IS ALL ABOUT INVALIDATION: Realize that the only person you can control is yourself. Realize that abuse people are mentally sick, loaded with personality disorders, struggling to invalidate you and everybody else in their way, in order to validate themselves. Like bulldozers and lawn-mowers who feel that they have to chop down everybody else just to feel superior. 18) Become an assertive person: not aggresive, not passive, and not passive-aggresive: a self-composed, self-assured, self-confident, self-reliant, well-adjusted, assertive individual. This takes self-education: read every day. 19) Go to school, and do not makes excuses not to finish high school and continue onto college. Get a student loan, grants, etc.: just get the education: you will exude confidence, and be a new person with education. There are all kinds of ways of getting free money to do this. See for student loans. 20) Turn your life senario into a successful book or movie: start keeping notebooks, and floppy disks full of your personal experiences with abuse and your feelings. People can benefit by your wexperiences. It all starts with the first sentence. It will snowball from there. Writing is an incredible healing or katharsis fro the human brain. And you may make money from it too. 21) Believe in yourself, and in tomorrow. Abusers have ruined their own lives and reputations and human credibility: you as a victim have yet to see your potential as an incredible human being. Your abuser has taught you by their behavior, what you do NOT want to become: you know deep inside of you what kind of person you indeed are determined to become. JUST DO IT. 22) GET SMART. Read phychology books and valid philosophy: delve into and benefit from the wisdom that has been collected throughout the centuries. That is what books do for you. They teach you in one easy read how to avoid mistakes and pitfalls that others have made. Watch classic movies that teach you lessons: for instance Shakespeare's great classic stories. These will halp you to grow as a person adn to dream of what might be someday. 23) Be imaginative, but without living in a fantasy world. To use your powerful brain to create is God's gift to us. The mind is capable of so many wonderful things. Pursue all the beautiful things this world has to offer: don't stagnate in the mire of your abusive situation: there's a whole world out there beckoning to you. 24) Take positive independent, financial and legal steps to get free of and abuser/abusive boss/abusive situation. Free yourself legally and ethically: using knowldege, shrewdness, diligence, hard work and determination. THE WORLD IS AT YOUR FEET. Beleive that and you will succeed, even if success to you means a modest place of your own to rent so you can think, sleep, rest and have peace. 25) Get into shape physically. Many things can come out of becoming what you want to look like physically. Throw away the twinkies and start eating nuts, fruits, and vegetables. Learn about vitamins and protein powders and what they can do for your body and brain. Mold and sculpt yourself gradually into a strong person. It will give you confidence, and may be just the springboard you need to take off into your future. 26) IT'S ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE. Why let some abusive s.o.b. ruin the rest of your life. It ain't over 'til it's over. Whether you are 15, 51 or 100, life ain't over til it's over. Learn to eat life. It is said of the French, that "The French expect, even demand, a certain level of quality of life from the world and from life": why let the French have all the fun?! You are entitled to have it all because you are a valuable human being. 27) DREAM! Picture yourself in a beautiful place, then save your pennies and go there. IF EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER CAN GO THERE, WHY THE HARRY CAN'T YOU?! Sometimes we create our own barriers and eternal excuses for not doing good things for ourselves. The biggest regrets we will have on our deathbeds are all the places we could have gone and didn't, doing all the things we wanted to do and didn't, and saying I love you to the people we loved. The abusers will, on the other hand, upon their deathbeds, be feeling regret, fear of eternity and of God, and grief and remorse over all the people they verbally and physically hacked down and tried to "rule over or ruin". Life - it's your choice - how will you use it? -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  • aerislina

    Hi, I'm Lina, I'm 17 and this is a brief story about growing up with an abusive father: It was hard. Growing up. Held back. Watching all the kids play outside. I was always inside. Always hidden. Always forbidden to take my own steps. I wouldn't have minded if my father wasn't always calling me names, making me feel stupid, degrading my dignity, threatening me of becoming homeless b/c I would do badly in school. He'd say all these things to make me feel bad. I have a brother and sister. My father mostly abuses my 15 yr old brother, but I simply think its his nature. In reality, I can't understand why he'd do this to me. Growing up, I've done everything I could do to make them happy. Then one day, my mother said something. Something that made me cry for days. "You should be TRYING to make us happy." I couldn't believe it then. Things just went downhill from there. I was already depressed when my father (without even knowing it) said I couldn't go to any dances until I hit college. (My mind wasnt right then, and could you believe? I actually believed him.) My depression was just so intense, so dark, I eventually started to cry every day out of no reason. And suddenly the pain was jsut so much, I eventually started cutting, then started thinking about suicide. I was 14 then. Today, I'm trying sooo sooo very hard to rub off the effects of an abusive guardian. Trying to rub off the negative self-image of myself. Trying to take away the pessimism I was raised with. It's hard. My natural instinct now tells me how hopeless my life is, how I'm shy and have no people skills let alone a social life. Most of all, I'm trying to rub off the fact that I'm intellectually stupid. That I'm not good enough. . . And so much more. I wish that one day ... ONE DAY ... my dad will finally come to realize all the pain he's shed on me and just say "Sorry." It won't make up for the wounds, but at least then, I'll know he loves me. Truly.

  • Lisa

    I live in fear I have 3 Kids and my Husband is very abusive. He would yell and swear at me in front of people, he won't even care who is around. He has a very bad attitude. He always tells me he's the man of the house. He like to be in control all the times, he calls me stupid and loser . I would love for him to get help, but I can't because he is very stubborn.

  • Anonymous-1

    Was a houswife that survived mental abuse from husband for 20 years. Had two children in the marriage that were also abused from him into me and into them, unfortunately. On the positive side they grew up and out on their own and started to see things in a different light, a better light, thank god. Just recently he has been trying to do it to them only as they live on their own and it has gotten me upset but if it was not for reading these articles I suddenly have gotten stronger again..thankyou. OUt of the blue started on my answering machine how i am a bad mother....needless did i say i felt awlful but stood back not going to take this punishment ever again. There was a quote about abusers on their death beds and that will be him. He cannot ruin me anymore or try to ruin our children but must say he tries. This article has helped me to a degree but not to sure how to control him, his actions to one of our daughters. He makes her feel awlful. I am concern about that.

  • Tammy

    I have a hard time disciplining my children, I got my butt beat weekly... (growing up) I was mentally, physically, and psychologically abused my whole childhood. Now as a 43 year old single mother of 4, my youngest daughter is really taking advantage of my problem. She will abuse me with profanity, she breaks important things, (vacuum cleaner, phone, new clothing, my bedroom door). She has punched me and thrown things at me. I am a large 200 pound woman. She is only 100 pounds and I let her make me feel miserable at least once or twice a week. I feel sometimes if I have a heart attack or get in a car accident, my death would serve her right. My ex'husband says, "what is wrong with her calling her mother a bi**h, she is one". I hide in my bedroom because I am afraid I will hurt her. She tells me if I spank her she will call the cops and tell them I have hit her.......She will turn 18 in December of 2009. I plan on having her things outside on this special day and she has got to go away.........I cannot believe after what I went thru in my childhood, my own child is holding me emotionally hostage... I am only sane now because I have a full time job, and I got GOD. I know others are worse off......I plan on calling the eap at my job.... (employee assistance program) I must really be a loser, I cannot find anything else on line about parents going thru this, I am a peaceful person who cannot beat their kid and I am paying for it............

  • Anonymous-2

    My life used to be easy till i was molested. I hated the guy for it. He was my baby-sitter and my whole family trusted him. But he didn't just molest me he molested my siblings too. He was a jerk, but what my dad did was worse. I always felt like he didn't want me and i hated him for it. It finally got to piont were i just moved out.

  • Megan

    I was mentaly abused by my boyfriends mother until I had the guts to get away because I did'nt want my kid to grow up like that. Now my babies daddy still lives there pays her bills and still takes that crap he don't talk to 2 of his siblings because his mom don't get along with them any more. I still talk to them they never done anything to me there just the smart ones they stay away from her. I just wish my babies daddy would move out of that mess and get his own house I still love him but I don't think I can handle it any more.

  • Maria

    At the age of 14 or 15, I called the cops on my Dad. He had both hands around my neck and I was terrified. It wasn't the first time he'd lashed out at me physically, but this was one of the worst episodes. My mom had already left the home and so it was just him and me. When the cop came, my dad showed the cop my room. Yes, it was a mess. I had made an agreement with my dad at the beginning of the month that I could keep my room messy but that it would be clean at the end of the month -- I even had it in writing. It was a few days before the end of the month when my Dad just exploded on me. So the cop took a look at my room, gave me a lecture, and left me alone wiht my Dad. The cop didn't look at the note I tried to show him, didn't seem to care one bit that I had nearly been strangled. I've never completely trusted police since, nor any other "authority figures". Eventually I left, staying in homes of friends while finishing high school. College wasn't an option I had to figure out where to live and how once I graduated from high school. Financial aid laws requiring parental assistance discouraged me from even trying. I finally returned to college as an adult, after becoming disabled with rheumatoid arthritis. It was the only way I could figure out to ever have a life that wasn't at the lowest of the social totem pole for the rest of my life. I just couldn't face that at age 31. I know now that the college financial aid offices have many, many ways to work the numbers and the various aid packages to make it work. I still was on an emotional thread, but it always managed to work out even at the last minute and I managed to earn my bachelor's degree from a high-quality university last summer. I want to send a special message to everyone, teens and adults, that if you want to go to college, there ARE ways to make it work. Talk to the financial aid officers, and be honest with them about the obstacles you face. I've found that the larger the school, the more likely they are to have skilled people to help you, but most schools are pretty darn good about it., even community colleges. The people in those offices know that helping folks get their education is vital, and take their work as a mission. I could write so much more. Reach out, find those who will help you. Get out of abusive situations in any way you can. You are worth it, and the fact that you struggle with it shows that you do have some self-worth left. It's difficult to maintain self-worth while being emotionally and physically abused. For me, the emotional abuse was far worse than the physical abuse. Statements like "I got you out of the garbage can" (I was adopted), "you're worthless", "you'll never amount to anything", "you're a worthless slut" (I was a virgin!) and so forth were repeated over and over again. No one deserves that -- NO ONE.

  • Anonymous-3

    It was very hard for me even till this day. I still think that I am not good enough for anything. I am married now and I still push my husband away b/c I am scared of getting to close and everything just falling apart.

  • Quinn

    I didn't realize the root of my self destruction until I was in my late 20's early thirties. Remembering all the sexual abuse from my father surficed during the most unrelated moments in my life that I thought that I imagined it. When my dad whom I rearly spoke to after my parents divorce called to wish my brother and I a Merry Christmas and said to me "I hope you don't mind but I bought you laundri for Chrismas " I lost it . Something clicked . I didn't want to talk to him on the phone In the first place, and then this? Shortly after I threw the phone down and begin to cry hystericaly. My mom and brother didn't know what the fuss was about and I could'nt be direct. I said to my Mom "What do you think when your father says that he bought you laundri for Christmas" That is not normal mom think about it. She then stamered over her thoughts and cried and my brother vomited as I ran out of the house and she captured me. I remember so many vile and discusting things about this that I have become very bitter and self-destructive in all relationships that I endured a seriously very abusive relationship with a so called boyfriend that used to beat me up,spent my money and emotionally fornicated with my mind. Somewhat like George Orwells novel of 1984, 2+2= 3 right? Anyway the more memories I found in my mind the more my Mom denied the fact that she knew the whole time. In fact she once accused me of wanting to kill her so I could be with my Dad. The only thing I was gulilty of when she said this was doing cartwheells in the living room. My dad wasn't even home. I accidently ran into her ,thats why she said it, I cant kiss intimately comfortly and many other things. I realize now why he liked to take me clothes shopping. He touched me all over and I remember standing in the dressing room feeling ashamed and sqeezing my body parts so they could be numb to it all . I didn't know. My mother was there when he used to pinch my bottom and stuck his tounge in my mouth with a cherry pitt wanting me to pass it back to him. Till this day I can't eat cherrys. If I do this is what I see.

  • lulu

    8 years of marige.2 children...I havent seen my mom and dad in 2 years and more I don't have friends because he dose not approve of them. I had 4 friends during our 8 years of marrige he did not like them because he did not like the fact that I told them that he was very controling with money...Every body told me to leave him even my mom and dad after we were married for 5 months and expecting our frist child.He tells his mom and dad that he dose not smoke and he dose he will not tell his mom and dad that I work because he makes to much money that I don't have to work... so why am I working? To give him my money. My friends and co-workers have been giving me the strignht to tell him that I am mad and that I will not put up with it any longer.My friends say it is a controling type of abuse. I never tell him when I am mad at him because he turns it around.I walk on glass every day not to make him mad because when he gets mad he takes it out on the kids and I don't like that because they had nothing to do with it. I don't eat so my to kids can eat.I sufered mental abuse as a child, teen and know as a wife...I still don't know what to do, he wants me to quit my job because he dose not like my friend but he wants me to give him money! I don't want to lose my kids to him and I don't want to hurt him. Life is not easy and it is not prety...?

  • ~another girl~

    abuse isn't just something of the tv for me its something i've lived with for years...at age 6 i was molested by a niebor and ofcourse that changed me forever...i never understood and still don't why something like that happined...nobody knos a six theres nothin to go by...i didn't even kno such a thing existed then....my mother was no is bipolar she goes through episodes and though she her self has never been abusive directly she did neglect me...she couldn't take care of her self....i worried becas she can get sucidal ....but mostly i saw her talking to herself crying depressed laughing hysterically talking nonsense terrified thro things hold knives to herself ...things that weren't normal that scared me....i have always grown up trying to raise my younger sibling at least since things got bad u see i'm the oldest....u se things got bad right after the time i was molested it always flet like my family was under attack....i remeber holding them and rocking them back and forth while my mother ranted and raved ....but i couldn't take my eyes off her....no kid should ever haft to take a knife from her mother or call the cops....i rember cps coming to try to take us and honestly i didn't want to go i didn't want to leave her...so when ever people came around i shut up....i told them what they wanted to hear...witch was everythings alright we'll be ok even if it wasn't.u see my parents were seperated for a good deal of the time.but when the cops came for my mother...and i was usally the one who had to call....i told her she needed to be in the hospital that she wsn't safe i can remeber her begging me not to let them take her "don't let them take me hannah i love you i love you don't do tis to me".....and it hurt so bad like every part of me was dying....and i lways had to look back at her with tears in my eyes saying" i'm sorry i'm so sorry ...i love you mamma i love you" and they'd take her and she'd still be lookin up at me with those eyes like a childs scared..like i was ...i don't kno why but i to this day don't think it is right becas the cops left all of them a 10 year old girl in an apartment down the street from a murder scene ine reno with 3 children ages 3 to 8 alone....at night with nobody to take care of ...but i guess i was use to it by then becas where ever we were living at the moment people always left me to feel my mothers place....to be a mother....but i cn't say i ever really had one...we have been on welfare for years so i guess i came that at the end of the month we were often eating macoroni and cheese and missing meals....my dad always showed up after a day or 2 when my mother went in the hospital but i seemed a stranger to me and if i didn't listen he'd fly off the hande and hit me pucsh me pinch extra i think he even threw me a few times.....i was in denial for about 5 years after being molested i buried it i tried to suck it up but it eventully came back around and hit me and i cried i cried so many times....i guess i blamed god and i blamed my father why hadn't they protected me where were they now?me and my father still don't have a whole relationship a good one that is....but we're trying except i think we've reached a piont where this is as good as its gonna get...i always hung on to god though and honestly if but for him i wouldn't be here today...my parents are together agian and my mom isn't having as bad of breakdowns an not so often either and i don't haft to take care of the others the way i use to theres6 of us now...we are gonna try to stay here and me and my dad have gottin past i good chunk of shit but he still hits me evry now and then....but it's not as bad...i still nedd something better thought i still need help...its like the sfternath of a hurricane....i hurt....and there is one more thing i'm 14

  • Anonymous-4

    My parents have always thought of me as a little kid, even though i turn 18 next year (2007). I currently have a boyfriend and they have tried with all their mighty to make destroy our relationship. i love him deeply, and he does so too, that's the only reason why we are still together. Things with my parents are very bad. My dad screams to me and tells me that i should just leave home and runaway with my boyfriend... they wish we the worse in the world... they say i am stupid, a moron... etc... those words hurt so much. I constantly get head aches because of so much tense i receive from their cursing. I have no option but to wait... and wait...

  • Jeila

    It hurts me so much to watch my mother be mentally and verbally abused. My father who was never there for my entire life (walked out before I was born) abuses my mother every day. Every morning I wake up to yelling (my dad’s) and arguing (both parents). I can hear my trailer trash father talking badly about me telling my mother how horrible I am. My mother tries to defend me but he scares her. He threatens her yelling, “I am this close to violence right now!” it scares me, I know that he will eventually physically abuse her because he is in the middle of court for abusing his other two year old daughter (she has a fractured skull) and he also abuses my dog. He is a very violent man and he has been to jail many times. I am also afraid that he will abuse me. My father is crazy, he has just recently moved in with my mother and I. He sits down and watches movies with my mother one second, and the next second he is screaming and threatening her. He is a drug abuser and he brags about how he has done every drug known to man. He thinks that he sounds cool but he is far from it. He also tells me bad things about my mother, and my mother has protected me from all of these things before. He says that she is a “druggie” and an alcoholic (she is an alcoholic however and she completely transforms when she is drunk) he also says that my mother is a hooker. I feel that he says these things because he is insecure about his screwed up life. I hate the man but his accusations perhaps can be true. My mother has neglected me for two years now and my father verbally abuses me too. My mother is depressed and has mentioned suicide multiple times. I have been shielded from all of these things spending numerous days at my second cousins house while my mother has been out doing god knows what. My father does not like any of my mother’s friends or my family and he speaks badly about them although he brings other “druggies” in to the house to the point where my mother and I feel extremely uncomfortable. I was so sick of the madness that I called my grandmother and asked if I could move in with her. She of course said yes and I am situated at her house now for winter break. I’m not sure if I have the strength to move in with my grandmother until I am eighteen. I am afraid to leave my mother though, no matter how crazy she is. I am afraid that if I leave, that she will have no one and that she will commit suicide. It is not an easy situation to be in, nor is any other abusive situation that any person is in for that matter. My father has six other children all from different women throughout the country. I never want to speak with my father again... ever for he has scarred me for an eternity. I am scared that he may abuse me in other ways too, he is a little perverted. He always comments that my breasts are enormous and that I have the perfect “ass”. Every morning I wake up to my parents shouting and I sob and weep in my room shouting “Go to hell!” I wish that he would just leave. The only problem is that he is paying rent, my mother just got a job and she is earning money but we are getting up on our feet economically. We still do not have a substantial amount of money to keep us in the “okay” zone and so we need his help. We live in an expensive area in California and we pay two-thousand dollars a month for rent. At one point I remember having to use my college savings (I dream of going to Princeton for my undergrad and Harvard for my grad) to pay for dinner for a couple of weeks. My parents owe me hundreds of dollars for me paying for dinner and keeping food on the table. This is a tough point in my life and I feel as if I have nothing. Having troubles at home has also affected my emotions and social behavior I wouldn’t label myself as “emo” but wow am I getting there. I have no where to turn to but this mere website. My name is Jeila and I am almost 13 years old (13 on January 6th, 2007)

  • Meghan

    I was and still am a victim of verbal abuse in my family. i have been the target for 11 years. it is not SO bad anymore but i am only now learning how to deal with the pain and emotions and i keep making mistakes. i keep returning to drinking which was a way to numb my pain for a long time. i still take sleeping pills because if i do not my mind will not shut down at night and i think WAY to much. people at my church, my group of friends are GREAT but they do not understand. they want me to stop drinking and taking the pills and i do too but they don't stop to realize that i do not know how to stop now. if i stopped i have nothing solid to hold onto to control my feelings. as of right now, i don't know of any other way.

  • anonymous

    I have felt lower then dirt often through out this year because some people have said hurtful words to me because I was in some situations because of some mistakes that I had made. When I was trying to explain to some people about the mistake of my situation they had often pushed me away and turn every thing around on me especially when I had tried to explain the situation of my mistake to them. The DHS gave me a UA test because they thought I was on drugs because I was only concerned about my children and myself. In conclusion I had proved them wrong because my UA results proved that I was clean. I do not do any drugs because I am a single parent of two children. However, Unfortunately, I had been told by some of the DHS employee's and other people that are involved with DHS had told me recently that "the only reason that people exspect that I am on drugs is because of my attitude." That was very hurtful what they had said to me how can I make it through out the days with DHS trying to help me in their programs when they are making me feel lower than dirt, Just because I am concerned for my children and my self of how people are treating us? BY: Anonymous

  • Shannon

    I think mental abuse is more painful then physical abuse. I think I would rather have the crap beat out of me , then to live in this day after day. People say , why dont u leave, its not that easy when you have no resources or help from anyone. But I do have a job now and I will get out of this relationship. After seven years of it, I think its time to move on. Loneliness is what breaks a person down, which leads to depression from the mental abuse. I wish someone would do to him what he's done to me. But what goes around comes around.

  • Anonymous-5

    We've already broken up, but he still has power over me. He is still harrashing me and threatening me to get his way. I just want to get away from him.

  • Anonymous-6

    It does sound so simple to just up and leave, but it isn't. When you have made the walls in which the abuse is conducted your home, you feel a certain attachment to the home and yes, the abuse. It becomes familiar and many women think after becoming brainwashed it is deserving. Nobody deserves that. It is extremely difficult to find the courage to leave for many reasons, perhaps it is financial and various other reasons. However, Ladies you hold the key to your own sanity. In my situation, when things were good they were great and when they were bad they were miserable. When things were great, I would look back and think "Oh its not that bad". It always gets worse. Keep that in mind.

  • Anonymous-7

    if u were abused it was for a reason

    Editor's Note: Many abuse victims believe the sort of statement that this commenter has made, but this statement is not at all true! Abusers often blame their victims so frequently that victims can become "brainwashed" in a fashion, believing the worldview of the abuser (e.g., that abuse is deserved), and not understanding that the rest of the world sees abuse as, well, abusive. In reality, abuse is never merited or deserved.

    The key thing is to differentiate between merited and reasonable punishment and abuse. Abuse is never appropriate. it serves no useful purpose other than to meet the needs of abusers. It is not an expression of love, but rather of dominance, anger or fear. Merited punishment (such as a parent might offer a child who has truly misbehaved), on the other hand, is not trauma-inducing for the recipient, is in proportion to the "crime", is reasonable (e.g., makes sense to the recipient), and is predictable enough that a smart child can easily learn how to avoid it and thus never have to deal with it.

  • Rob

    My ex-wife was the victim of sexual abuse from the age of 7-17 from her stepfather and stepuncle (the father did not know about the uncle but uncle kknew about dad thats why he started) I am so messed up emotionally from my relationship with her and I dont know where I can go to get some help with this. All the sites i have foudn are for people that have been abused ? I have been spiraling steadily downward since my relationship with her I feel I dont even knwo ho w i f feel . I am a happy person only on the weekends when I get the kids, becuase i have a purpose then and people i trust and know wont use or manipulate me and then try to blame their behaviors on me as my fault.

  • Anonymous-8

    We've been married for 15 years now with 2 lovely children. I just found out a year ago after going to counselling that what I've been experiencing is "Mental Abuse." I just never knew it. Like I said in my title, "Call Me Stupid." I just thought it was a "Normal" marriage. For years my husband and I would get into an argument, then it was days, sometimes weeks before he would talk to me again. He would give me the silent treatment, then days later would want to make love and things would be better, until the next time. It's called "The Cycle." I went to therapy years ago without him. He actually went twice, but did not like the women! Things got worse over the years, the controlling part of it, the name calling (in which I cannot forget). "You loveless, worthless, piece of s__t" This is the one that sticks in my painful heart. Not to mention the "F___ing Moron," that I am. And, everyday for the rest of my life he's going to call me this. The, "I only come home for the kids!" Many other names too, along with the two physical forms of abuse I experienced. Last but not least, the dishes being broken, the fist going through the microwave, the salt shaker being thrown out the back door, spitting on me, food being thrown at me. Not fixing up our home because he wanted it to look like s___t, just like our marriage. I just can't remember all of the years , I'd rather not actually. I keep a journal now, so I don't forget. I try not to read it and I usually don't. Maybe years from now I will take it out, or maybe not, it might not be a good thing to do. Fortunately, I know I can love! I have experienced it, it feels great. It might be too late for my husband, though. I put my foot down a few months ago, he is willing to make a "U-Turn." Can it happen, I don't know yet, time will tell. Is it too late, possibly. Words can hurt. I have said to him at times, "Just hit me, please!" I know what I want now. I want to smile! I want peace, love and happiness with someone. I want to grow old and be buried next to the one I love. I'm getting stronger by talking with my friends and therapist. For years I've kept it inside and only told my family. Well, now it's at a 'head." Can she "woman up," as he calls it and accept the pain or reach out and grasp what she is looking for! 2 b con't...

  • David

    My parents abused me over a long period of time. From the outside, everything looked great. My parents were financially successful, and showered us with material goods, but the inside was hell. My father beat me regularly and for no good reason. It only stopped, when I finally opposed him when I was 18 years old. I was so angry. I was not sure if I would survive the fight, but I told him “If you ever touch me again, I will hit back now. I am now stronger than you are, and I will not give in”. That wasn’t exactly true, and I don’t know, if I would have won the fight, but I could not allow it to go on any further. I did not care, if I lived or died, I just could not take it anymore. What I most resent about my childhood, is that I had to mentally train myself to get to a place in my mind, where it was ok to die as a price to oppose evil. I had to go to a mental place that soldiers probably have to go to, but I was just a child. My innocence was stolen from me. My mother was particular heinous. She was allowed the beating to occur (if not more), but afterwards comforted me. I was to young to see through her game, and I only realized it years later. She sexually abused me for a number of years. It started when I was in 3rd grade. I leaned later that my father did the same with my sisters. The worst is not that I was sexually abused, but that I could not protect my little sisters from my father. I was the big brother. I was supposed to protect them. Part of me still feels guilty for that, I moved away, disowned my parents and will never ever speak to them again. They don’t know where I live now, and I will keep it that way. I regret having no parents, but no parent is better than the evil parents that I grew up with. I am doing fine professionally, am happily married and am still trying to work out the psychological damage my parents created. What a nightmare.

  • In therapy cause of childhood

    I have been in therapy for over a year, and have read some very helpful books relating to Abuse. One I suggest is by Steven Farmer-Adult Children of abusive Parents. (A healing program for those who have been physically, sexually, or emotionally abused) Some of the steps to healing your inner child are difficult to work thru, I have yet to suceed at some, but I continue to try. Another book good book I have been using lately is The PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder) Workbook by Mary Bweth Williams. This is especially helpful to me because the trama I endured thru out my childhood affects my everyday live now as an adult, and I constantly have to focus on the here and now to handle situations. I would suggest finding a good Therapist, keep a journal, work through the childhood trama so you can become a healthy adult. Learn how to set boundaries as a parent, learn how to disapline correctly. Don't let childhood trama keep you from being a good healthly parent. Remember the monster who put you thru hell isnt living with you anymore, dont let your emotions and feelings make you think otherwise.

  • tiffany

    My mother abuses her prescription-then abuses me. she's hit me so hard my neck ached for days,told me i'm worthless,that she hates me,and other things unmentionable...i've cut to release the pain,and i'm confused and hurting and need help...

  • Linda

    I sometimes feel something is wrong with me for "allowing" my son's father to mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive me. I harldy knew him when I conceived my son only 4 days. He blames me constantly for this and how it is my fault that things didn't work out for us because we didn't know each other well enough and that it wasn't "his choice" to be in this relationship. Even so, we still see each other regularly and my son is going on four now. We don't live together but have some sort of attraction. That is fading now for me after knowing him 4 1/2 years. My stepbrother abused me when I was eight years old. He would rub ontop of me with his clothes on while I was in my bathing suit and have an orgasm. At other times he would pull down my bathing suit and pay me two dollars to kiss my ass. Anyhow sometimes I feel this could be related to my abusive relationship with my son's father. I can honestly say now that my feelings for him have greatly dissolved because he has been such a bastard to me. I also witnessed my mother beating my stepsister as a child. I was never abused as a child but perhaps witnessing my mother beat my sister did something to me. My son's father was beated as a child and witnessed him mother beaten by his father. So there it is. This is the reason he does it. He also does drugs and has intermittent eruptions which he blames me for. He is unbalanced. I am happy that we do not live together and that I am independent.

  • Anonymous-9

    Hello,,

    i am an angry mother of 3 wonderful children. My husband is a drug addict. He keeps saying he is gonna quit.LOL. He has always been angry and very verbally , mentally and physically abusive with kids. Mainly my 14 year old son. He says it is discipline. I don't agree. He just blows and now my son fights back and talks to him the same. way. How can he have respect for someone who rides him all the time. I wish I was not trapped in this mess. I am angry too. I feel like I am the bad one for staying in this relationship. WE have been married for 16 years. I just found out 2 years ago he has always used some kind of drug. That explains his mood swings. Now he has been abusing cocaine for 2 years. I don't know where to turn.. My family is tired of me complaining. I guess I am just plain scared to be on my own. My kids don't want to leave. They say it will ruin our lives. What to do>>>>>>

  • sweety*chika

    The best help you'll find is not on this site. get real help. by reading these things you will only get worse. so stop reading these awful stories and go se a psychologist or something!!!!

    Editor's Note: While it is true that sharing war stories doesn't necessarily help produce productive change, it is also true that there is some real value in venting, and in understanding other's perspectives. A professional counselor can help you to reality test and understand what is abuse and what is not abuse, amoung other services. Both activities can be valuable.

  • JInhe Hu

    my father would always call me stupid and would put me down for small things....he used to tell me that i was crazy for reacting the way that i did. i just realized that this is mental and psycological abuse and am angered by it. i finally realize why i have low self-esteem. he also calls me fat all the time. he beats me regularly and threatens me when i don't do something that he wants. he also abandoned me when i was 14 years old......can someone help me?

  • depressed

    my dad abused the pills from his doctors, he would go crazy and cut himself and would hurt others around him. he would see stuff that was never there. it scared me. well my mom amd dad left me and and my16 year old sister when i was born. but i would sometimes see my dad but it hurt me when i did. cuz i would always find beer or loads of pills somewhere. it kills me because mabe if i would have tlked to him he might have change and mabe didnt die. yes thats right my 31 year old dad died. leavin my 16 year old sister and me, his 13 year old daughter. in August 2006, my dad killed himself in my upstairs bed room. he used 36 pills and used hariwin(i cant spell lol). its hurts sooo bad. i cut myself because i haveno one to talk to. my grama takes care of me and she says im evil and bad and im terrible but i cant take it no more. the pain is to much. i wana live wit my mom but my grama says by doin tat wud break her heart but she is terribly mean. and she also says tat i should be over by it now but tat was my daddy i loved him to death. im soo confused dont have anything to live for. i need help!!!

  • Crystal

    I don't even know where to begin... Why was I so blind??? My husband started the mental abuse before we were even married. It started out with him doing little things like making fun of me or calling me names. At first I thought it was just one of his quirks but eventually it started getting under my skin. Of course when I would get defensive he would tell say "Geez to learn to take a joke" or "Your overreacting, it's no big deal". Well, the people around me started noticing this as well, including my parents. I would always just blow it off and say "Oh yeah he's just joking". Later it got even worse. When we'd fight it would always turn out to be my fault and soon after the "real" name calling began. I'm not lying when I tell you that I've been called every name in the book. The first couple times I could handle it but after being called a "worthless whore" for the 10th time I started to fight back. I've smacked him across the face a few times and thrown things. This of course has made the situation even worse...every time I lash out in my way I'm the "crazy one" and I'm the reason that our marriage is not working. BUT when I do start yelling at him he has used force to try to quiet me down. He has also, many times, taken my car keys and/or cell phone from me and locked me in a room with him. I know I shouldn't want to run away every time we fight but sometimes you just need a moment to think. And I don't know how many times I've been accused of cheating on him...I still think this was due to a guity concience but that's besides the point. We were married after about 8 months of dating. No I was not thrilled about getting married so early, but we are both in the military and had to in order to stay together. (Yes I look back now and regret it everyday. Right after moving to our new location we found out that we were expecting a baby. I thought, deep down inside, that having a baby would make him change. I have never been more wrong. My pregnancy was not enjoyable at all. I was crying all the time and just hating myself. One time we were fighting and I started screaming at him to shutup and he pushed me down onto the floor and put his hand over my mouth and said "If you do not shut your mouth I'm going to kill you". And I blew this off like it was nothing... WHat is wrong with me?? He tries to be a good dad and husband but his mood changes so quickly. He's snapped at our 18 month old many times for stupid reasons. I'm not going to say that he's abusing our son. I think it's just his personality... I don't know, maybe he's bipolar?? Now it's gotten to the point where I will lie to him about little meaningless things just because I know it will avoid an argument. That's a shame to live like that I know... And it doesn't make me feel like any better of a person for doing it. But I don't like coming home after a day at work and having a feeling of dread come over me before I open the front door. This is supposed to be MY home too, I'm supposed to feel wanted here and not scared. I'm NOT scared of him, I'm scared of fighting. He just knows how to push those buttons... I know that he WANTS me to do something stupid so that he is the better person. We've recently seperated and it's gotten really bad. I've already had to call the police on him for breaking into my house. He makes threats all the time and tells me that he has people watching me. On an average night I get a phone call from him at least 20 times. If I don't answer the phone he's at the door banging on it. I shouldn't be afraid to call the police in my own home but after he gave me so much grief about it the first time...I keep giving him one more chance, one more chance... I've been told by him that I'll have our son taken away from me if I do anything wrong. He said he would make up lies that I was doing drugs and having an affair. He even put in a child abuse report on me!! He later "dropped" the charges and told the advocacy that he was lying about it. His excuse for this is that "I was mad and you weren't cooperating" and "I had to do something to make you listen to me". AND I've still forgiven him after all this... I don't know what keeps pulling me back because I sure as hell don't love him anymore. The only reason I keep trying to make things work is for our sons sake. I just can't take it anymore. Sometimes I wish he would just hit me so I could have an obvious reason to walk away and be done with it. Because you can't get someone in trouble for mental abuse.

  • Anonymous-10

    Everyday I am put down and nothing I do seems to be right! I'm never good enough in my parents eyes. If I'm a little late cumin home they lock me out and won't give me no clothes for the next school day! I have to go to school wearing someone elses clothes.They make feel like I'm a mistake and that I should have never been brought into this world. I can try my best and it never seems enough.

  • Anonymous-11

    It is really amazing to see how so many people have experienced similar things that i myself have experienced. My step dad was my abuser. He always had somehting negative to say, whether it was about something i said, somehting i did, he was always talking. everything hurt. he would touch me innaproprately and at one point told me that if i told anyone that he would kill me. i told my mom a few months later and with it being my word against his she didn't believe me. theres more but thank you for this site!

  • eva

    hey i have been through and i was very angry about it even when am remembering abot it my heart is full with heat but i got nothin 2 do but chill cause she is my grandma but guss wat i was calm so god took me out of the problem now am with my step father house thank god. so wat and pray and one day u will find a way out. peace^^

  • Anonymous-12

    crystal, everything you've said is an obvious reason to walk away or contact the police. if you want to do it for your son's sake then you should do it right now, because when he gets older this is all going to effect him even more. i'm sure its hard to take the steps to bring yourself to do this, but you need to do it. you husband is manipulative, he can't get you into trouble by accusing you of doing drugs and cheating on him. the police and cps don't care if you're cheating on him, and cps would drug test you. act fast! do what you have to do!

  • LeAnn Salgado

    I live with abuse everyday. Not just one type of abuse but every type of abuse you can imagine. I read all of the comments and it made more sad because I am not smart enough to get out. I am very codepedant and I feel like if I leave him that I cannot make it on my own. I am 30 years old and I have always had someone to take care of me. The physical abuse, of course, is the worst. Black eyes, being cut or burned, and trying ti hide the many bruises. I am ashamed to say that I am used to it now. I have been called every name in the book and it doesn't bother me as well. I was sexually abused by all 4 of my uncles and by my brother as well when I was a child. I have had to deal with a drug addicted mother for most of my life. I was tormented as a child and going through the same thing as an adult. I have left my boyfriend many times but he always finds me. I am limited to where I can hide because I have no family to help me. Above all, I pray to God everyday to let me see another day and to keep me safe as well. I am sure that this not normal but I am so immuned to it. I have survived this long with a shitty life and I'll keep pushing to get out and do things on my own one day. And if I did decide to leave, where would I go? I have no education and no family and no friends because he doesn't allow me to have friends. Where would I go? What would I do? Could I really make it on my own? Will I live afraid for the rest of my life or does it get better?

  • Codie

    I believe you can do it. Having low self-esteem and no self worth are both side effects of abuse. That is why you need to leave. Living in that sort of environment will just leave you hopeless and sad. You are capable of so much more and deserve to experience life and have people in your life that really care about you and love you. You can contact abuse groups for help. There are many organizations out there that help people get out of abusive relationships. These organizations will protect you from your boyfriend and support you. They will help you with you self value and help you become independent and empowered. I really do admire your devotion to God despite your experiences. Many would have turned away a long time ago. God loves you very much and has an awesome plan in store for your life. You just have to trust him. He will be with you every step of the way. Leaving will not be easy, but you will not regret it. I will pray for you and hope you gather the courage to leave again and are successful.

    'May the Lord Bless you and keep you, May he let his face shine upon you, And give you peace' -Good Luck and Godspeed!

  • Anonymous-13

    i work in social services. you should contact the police and make police reports. if you don't feel like you can do that, then you should contact a domestic violence shelter for women. if you aren't familiar with those you should google it. the shelters are all over. then help women in abusive relationships to be independent, they'll set you up with housing, food, and probably find you a job. i really hope you thing about it, because i hear/see women every day that are able to overcome this, please try to be optimistic. you already took the first step by expressing your feelings on this website.

  • Living it

    I just read a comment from someone that said "I wish he would hit me so that he would get in trouble, because they cant get in trouble for metal abuse". WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! I just went to see the Safe house in my town, and you CAN get a restraining order placed for mental emotional abuse. Please dont give up, these ladies know what they are talking about and can be there for you. They truly do understand.

  • Julie

    I wanted to post something in reply to the "Hi my name is idiot". It was the first thing I've read that was really similar to my relationship with my husband. I got pregnant three months after we were dating, we got married when my son was 10 months old, separated three weeks after the wedding for a year and a half. We had two more children since then and it's been up and down since the beginning. The fighting has gotten worse since our last child was born about two and a half years ago. He wastes no time in the argument to go right to the name calling, accusations. I work full time and have been at the same job for five years which provide benefits for the whole family and keep steady income coming in and he's told me that I'm a peice of shit, I've been at the same job for five years and going nowhere. After being tired from work and errands, I had cooked a special meal for him and the next day during our fight he tells me how it tasted like ass. He tells me I'm a no good wife and no one will ever want to put up with me, no one will want me, I'm lazy, I'm a hypocrit because I made one comment about the kids being messy and I leave my things around. I could spend the whole day doing laundry on the weekend (after working all week), folding, separating, carrying the piles upstairs and if I don't get to put them away in the drawers (I'm talking a half a dozen loads for five people) instead of being appreciative, he will complain that I only do half the job and can never finish anything. You can't even do this and you can't even do that instead of helping me. Making fun of my job when he can't support us on his own either. He says I am psycho and he only acts the way he does because of me. He screams profanity in front of the kids, calls me a bitch or dirty whore, ghetto, go back down the hill to the ghetto where I came from, lazy, accuses me of cheating, and displays a bad temper in front of my 7 yr old during arguments. He's used steroids in the past and recently but he denies current use. He also has a terrible tobacco habit where if he hasn't had it in several hours, it's like he turns into the hulk. I'm sick of him using stress as an excuse. I'm always afraid of him being physical during a fight. He has slapped my hand or if I'm holding something, slap it out of my hand or spit on me, he's whipped pillows at me and one time he kicked my hip when I was behind him on the stairs. So it hasn't been punching or anything like so minor physical more of verbal abuse.

  • Anonymous-14

    My roommate and I broke up a couple months ago, but continued to be roommates because of finanical obligations. He never did anything to my while we were together, maybe a little bit of emotional abuse and name calling, and up until about a month ago there was nothing physical, the name calling was still there and putting me down all the time. Lately he's been slapping me, grabbing me by th head, choking me, throwing me into walls, throwing objects at me, and completely freaking out at me all the time, everything is my fault and i'm doing everything wrong and blah blah blah...Almost everytime he has laid a hand on me I have retailated back by hitting him back pushing him away from me and scratching him with my nails (usually when i'm stuck in a chock hold or being restrained)...I know what he is doing is wrong...but me fighting back, is that wrong as well or would that be considered self defense? The biggest problem is he doesn't leave marks on me, but I'm still in pain, but he has marks on him. He told me if I told anyone he would deny anything he did to me and they'd take me away cause I don't have any proof or marks on me...and he does...I can't afford to move out and i'm too scared to live here. I don't want my friends and family to know what i'm going through, they already don't want me here as it is...will i get in trouble for fighting back?

  • ash

    My roommate and I broke up a couple months ago, but continued to be roommates because of finanical obligations. He never did anything to my while we were together, maybe a little bit of emotional abuse and name calling, and up until about a month ago there was nothing physical, the name calling was still there and putting me down all the time. Lately he's been slapping me, grabbing me by th head, choking me, throwing me into walls, throwing objects at me, and completely freaking out at me all the time, everything is my fault and i'm doing everything wrong and blah blah blah...Almost everytime he has laid a hand on me I have retailated back by hitting him back pushing him away from me and scratching him with my nails (usually when i'm stuck in a chock hold or being restrained)...I know what he is doing is wrong...but me fighting back, is that wrong as well or would that be considered self defense? The biggest problem is he doesn't leave marks on me, but I'm still in pain, but he has marks on him. He told me if I told anyone he would deny anything he did to me and they'd take me away cause I don't have any proof or marks on me...and he does...I can't afford to move out and i'm too scared to live here. I don't want my friends and family to know what i'm going through, they already don't want me here as it is...will i get in trouble for fighting back?

  • Christine, 15

    is it abuse if your parent calls you stupid constantly,a loser. makes you feel different or crazy.. and dont listen or care bout anything you say. nuthin at all..

  • Lynsay

    I just recently ended a long-term relationship with someone I truly loved he's trying to get me back now and it's so hard not to go back because

    Much of our relationship was wonderful in an almost fairytale/movie way always going camping spontaneously, daning under the stars, watching disney movies together, he took care of me when I was sick, called me beautiful and talented, said he wanted to be with me forever....

    But then there were all the times when he accused me of sleeping around, insisted on being invited to hang out with me and my girlfriends to make sure that i wasnt doing anything suspicious, he looked through my phone, he called me a stupid bitch and a scandelous slut, he got drunk, threw things around the room & broke them & accused me of hiding something, he'd take off my shirt in front ofhis friends then accuse me of showing off to them, then later "made up" for it by taking me out on another beautiful camping trip.

    Supposedly once he sobered up that enitre evil side left him, and the last two weeks we were together (when he finally got sober) everything seemed perfect & I have really no proof that his sober self was anything evil. But then I found out that- while he was still drinking- he had created several obscene profiles on erotic dating sites. I broke it off because i didn't know he'd done that while we were dating. Sober or not, I find no excuse for that.

    He writes to me now and swears to me that all the evil stuff was his "addictive drunk self" and that it would never happen again now that he's sobe & thinking straight, that he only wants me forever. He cut himself over me.

    I love him so much and have had so much planned with him (plus he looks like johnny depp which makes this harder) and he's telling me that if I loved him I'd forgive him...i don't know, i guess i feel really confused & manipulated.

  • my damned cursed hexed soul

    My mom used to tell me over and over again that she wanted me to die when I was like ,hmm 14 to 21.My brother killed himself.She used to raise her hand up in the air while she used the other placed on my shoulder and she would "try so hard to curse my soul" she would beg god to curse me and hurt me. Not a day goes bye that I dont beg god to kill me....

  • Anonymous-15

    I was in a long term relationship that lasted 17 years. The first few years were wonderful. We got along very well, and I really thought that I had met the man of my dreams. Unfortunetly, when the abuse started, it was so devastating because I had just gotten out of an extremely abusive relationship. My boyfriend new of this, and had encouraged to me leave the relationship, and had told me how wonderful I was and that no one had the right to treat me in this way. He was so loving and supportive towards me, that I never thought in a million years that he would turn around and do the exact same thing to me as my previous boyfriend had done. The only difference with this relationship was that there was no physical abuse. The verbal abuse was pretty bad though. He would scream in my face that I was stupid, and he would tell me that I was "a fucking retard". It hurt me so much, and he would get mad at me even when I had nothing to do with his anger. He would get mad at his family and end up giving me the silent treatment, and the only time that he would come around was when I was crying hysterically. This went on for about 10 years. I finally had enough, and somehow got the strength to end things once and for all. It has been 2 years since we split up, but as a result of it I am so afraid to get into another relationship for the fear that it will happen all over again.

  • newlywed

    To anyone who is reading this i just want to say that i am no where near the point of leaving. I dont really know why, i guess it is because i dont want to fail at my marriage. I dont want my friends and family to know that i have been putting up a front when they ask me how the married life is. I should win an Oscar for my great role as the beautiful, talented, and happily married wife. My husband says he loves me, but he treats me like he despises me. Evey arguement is my fault. He calls me stupid ALL the time and everyother name. He is extremely sexist to the point where i am supposed to obey him and not talk back. I have to do all of the house hold chores. cooking, cleaning, laundry, and picking up after him. and yes, i work a full time job and pay half of all the bills. when i ask him to help out, he says he doesnt have to beacause if i dont, somebody else will. meaning he will replace me. i rarely go anywhere because i never know if he will find fault in it. i am so confused and i want my marriage to work, but i am very stressed out. when i finally stand up for myself, i flip out and he then call me crazy and that i have mental problems. so i saw my dr. and now i am on antidepressants. but when i actually sit and think about it, i am not crazy. my complaints ARE valid. but because i dont believe in divorce....i find myself apologizing. what in the world am i going to do? can anyone help????

  • broken people

    Listen to yourself, you are sane and much to your husband's dissapointment you have not yet been labotomized. It is not intended for us to be unhappy and miserable, if it were don't you think we'd get a little more pleasure from it? You will win no awards for your acting, you'll pay in precious time, health, happiness, hopes and dreams and self esteem. Every commodity you stand to loose by playing your husband's game is precious and should not be left at his disposal. This sort of abuse has second generation effects that cannot be escaped. And like radioactive toxic wastes it is better to NEVER BE EXPOSED OR ALLOW YOU OR YOUR CHILDREN TO BE EXPOSED. Reevaluate your self worth and esteem and look for past patterns of abuse in other relationship or a tendency to be too passive and pleasing (a condition often inflicted on girls in a supposed effort to "train" them for marriage). Read, talk and seek answers to settle your doubt and confusion. You will come to clarity. If you do leave and claim your real life and manage shield yourself from these types of people you will no doubt have a better life, even if you were hit by a bus the next day! Otherwise commit yourself to slavery and wait for your replacement, shorten your years by 20 while your at it. Abusers inflict mysery and steal innocence and positive thinking and their children grow to despise them. The longer one stays in an abusive relationship the more likely they are to mimic and become angry themselves. Abuse becomes acceptable and the abuser impossible to reason with. He just keeps placing the blame on you insisting that you are the one in need of correction, that you are irrational and emotional. His arrogance may baffle and anger you but face it, you don't have the tools to fight him. You cannot share ground with an abuser. They are like cancerous weeds and must be cut from your life if you want to have a chance at happiness. The abuser wants the abuse to be accepted. He wants to be respected but nothing about the abuser deserves your respect, attention, or company. He picked you. You have something he wants that he never had. My guess it's your good heart or strength or the respect you have in your community. He is generally full of ego and cold lacking compassion or good will, implying you are to be replaced is a good example. Anger and abuse are progressive. He will continually abuse and how will you feel? Do you think you will feel broken? Give up all hope of standing up for yourself or protecting yourself? Cycle after cycle how do you think you will hold up? How much can you take? Trust me, you'll be mad at him for what he's taken from you once you realize it and have reached a point of unacceptable loss. You'll be hard pressed not to be angry at yourself when you no longer have the self respect or image you once had. You feel tainted for life, that sweet twinkle in your eyes you once had, gone. The same thing with your children. Their outlook on life is forever damaged, their self worth is a feeling of being sub-human, wondering what is wrong with them, trying to pass as normal all the while it eating at your bones.

    For anyone out there reading this that is in an abusive situation, verbal, psychological, physical, sexual or other and you are still afraid or feel too paralysed to do anything about it you can begin planning your escape by doing this simple thing. Make the effort to start saying positive things to yourself. This will help your subconcious mind as it beleives everything it is exposed to without question. Positive thoughts will combat the thoughts implanted by the abuser and will help you gain the courage to take the next step: SEEK SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST. Once you find someone you can trust you need to proceed with the next step: PLAN YOUR ESCAPE. A better life is waiting for you. If you are not sure what positive thoughts to think, start with something simple like "I like myself.", "I am happy no matter what." "Life is good." "Read, hope and believe." "I will never give up because there is hope." "There is beauty in life and I am part of it." "I deserve to be happy." "I am a good person."

    Remember your positive qualities and remind yourself of them all the time. Yes, you are smart. You are a good person. Give yourself alot of self talk and do that as much as possible.

    What you may not realize and why I am instructing you to do these things is that the mind responds to everything you tell yourself and to what you are told. What plays the biggest impact on the human brain is what a person believes. If you believe what the abuser tells you, your brain will respond accordingly, likewise with positive thoughts. Levels of endorphines, essential chemicals, neurotransmitter activity in your brain adjust to your beliefs good or bad and in turn effect how you feel. A depressed person thinks depressed thoughts and may have morbid hopeless beliefs. A happy person in turn has happy thoughts and enjoys the feelings of happiness. Whether you understand what I am saying or not, atleast think about it because this is the very tool the abuser uses. You are held hostage by abusive behaviour and an attempt to destroying your own self worth (what you believe about you), your hopes (what you believe about your life and future) and implanting negative beliefs about you and your situation. This is what is keeping you hostage. This is all that is keeping you hostage. You can leave. You have the right. You deserve better. You are good and you will not let some dummy tell you otherwise. You do not deserve this. PLAN YOUR ESCAPE. You know your abuser pretty well by now. Manuveur around him and escape. Stay away from him permanently afterwards. DO NOT RETURN.

    Once you have escaped you can seek your career in acting and get that oscar! Good luck and God Bless! I am free!

  • Anonymous-16

    It's sad to say that abuse is a leaning process. Many of us go into our marriages thinking it's going to be a 'bed of roses' when in reality, it's not. I've been married for 17 years now and all along the way I had this project in my head that in order to make him love and appreciate me, I was going to do all he wanted and be submissive to him as the bible states we should, right? Well it's easier said then done. Many times those of us with a strong faith & belief feel we have to live up to the bible and do 'the right thing' but but we fail to realize that our husbands also have to live up to their part of the promise. The bible also states 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. 'Husbands honor thy wives'. They're supposed to love, honor and respect us just as much as they would like to be honored, respected and loved. It's the only way a marriage will survive. I promise you that. When God is part of the marriage, it will last forever.

    Well, I also learned that when you mix a marriage with a person that has a chemical imbalance it make it twice as difficult to maintain the marriage. What I have learned in my 17 years of marriage is many men have bi-polar and when a woman goes into her marriage wanting to fully love her husband and do as he wishes she expects the same in return and it fails. Why? Because this person we married feels the world revolves around them. I learned that no matter how much I did for him, how much I loved him he was never going to be happy or content. There was nothing I can do to make him happy. It took me 17 years of hell to learn this. It took many arguements, many fights, many sleepless nights, lots and lots of tears and broken hearts and lots of money to finaly realize, I can't change this person. He is what he is and only he can change when he is ready. So I stopped taking the abuse and I'm making my plan to get out. Last night I backed out of my marriage because he 'expected' me to do for him after I had been as work all day and he was at home sitting on his but doing nothing. He should've had dinner waiting for me. I got fed up with it and told him to get out. I will no longer have you 'expecting' me to do for you when your just as capable.

    So if your putting your husband on his throne and he's not putting you on your pedistal, stop putting up with the abuse, he's not going to change. Once you have started doing all he wants, he will expect it later. It shouldn't be that way. He should do as much for you as you do for him.

    Love yourselves and put yourself on that pedistal and when you find someone that is willing to keep you on that pedistal to love, honor and respect you then you know your ready to 'Honor thy husband' because you have 'treated others have you wish to be treated'.

    I love myself a little more today.

  • christina

    Ever since i was a little girl my mind has been played with so bad.. my mom , my dad anyone who i got close to used me as a tool.. my mom has been married 3 times ( im 22 now ) and from the time my mom divorced my dad , my dad was mentally abusive , and so was my other step fathers , i was told by my second step dad at age 8 that my mom was a whore and she was having sex with his best friend , and they were married at the time still.. my 3rd step dad always called me a slut from 13-17 yrs old and kicked me outa the house numerous times after moving us to canada from the usa , not having anyone around me but my friends i lived with my boyfriend at age 15.. i got diagnosed with panic disorder at 15-16 ish and became dependent on everyone moved back to the usa , around 18 i met a wonderful guy he was the sweetest thing and i felt very dependent on him because i didnt think he would ever hurt me. I had gotten pregnant and soon after my son was born he started with calling me names and putting me down often. i ignored it for the longest and became depressed , i found sleeping was my out , i didnt have "preblems" when id sleep. I dont have a supportive family and i got worse and became agrophobic with a 2 yr old son.. i am seeking therapy for my anxiety but just recently found out that i am pregnant again , which is funny because i only slept with my boyfriend for the first time in a year.. i have been feeling very tired lately and hes laid off now and all day i get told im a "lazy piece of shit " and im "good for nothing" sometimes i wish i had someone i could talk to or just fall asleep and never wake up.. but i have an almost 3 yr old son thats my world and i need to survive for him but it is hard.. i dont know what to do.. my self esteem is next to none

  • Kay in AZ

    Hi, where are all of you from? My story is sad, I am alway's scarred. He makes everyone love him & hate me, these abuser's are demon's. I can't stand to have to see him during child exchange time. On July 10th, he refferred the July 07 issue of People magazine as a nice jesture! What? On the cover is Chris Benoit murder suicide story, this man killed his son! Is he trying to tell me that he is going to hurt my 3 year old? He already chocked my other son, yes my son is alive we all sought counceling. I moved but once again he shined bright in court. He used to call our three year old chucky, scroney,etc....I really appriciate all of you, more than you know! I will be well again in a year, but for now I fear the worst, what will they decide in court? This is a true sociopath. HELP ME, ONLY NICE TRUSTWORTHY NEED APPLY, PLEASE. I know my story sound's mild but you only heard a tid-bit.

    Thank you all

  • Anonymous-17

    May Bride Oscar Winner /Nominee

    Get out while you can. There is happiness out there. I didn't believe in divorce and still don't. However, sometimes you are a victim of circumstance. I have been divorced. Even though I don't believe in divorce, sometimes that is the only safe thing to do. It's hard, especially when you relly love someone. But always remember you are better than being put down , humiliated, and always wrong, etc. Don't live in that another second. It's not worth it. No matter how many millions, how good the sex , it's not worth your self esteem. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT< NEVER FORGET IT!

  • Zoe

    I am 31 yrs old now and the constant verbal abuse from my mum still goes on.
    it started when i was about 6-7.....shee's tell me I was mentel and if I didnt shut up Id go to a mental home. If she saw me crying shed spit on me or hit me on my head. She has been telling me for as long as I remember that im evil, lazy, thick, I dont know what Im doing cos Im mental. It's always my fault cos 'I dont know Im doing it, Im mental'
    I now have anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder and had agrophobia and anic attacks which ive just about overcome. I have reall ylow self esteem and suffer from depression. I statred on anti depressants 3 yrs ago but am comin goff them now cos I feel so bad on them.
    I just want it to stop but even yesterday and today I got told 'Since the day you was born you have been looking at me like your grandad' hes dead now but she hated him deeply. She says Im sick, twisted and evil but I do nothing to her. Today I got told to get out her house cos i opened a bag of sugar. She said how dare I, she cant stand the sight of me, my dad hates me my brother hates me, my friends hate me. None of its true but she drills it in my head til I feel so unloved.
    I think I was just unfortunate to be born looking like my grandad who she hated, that is my crime.
    Is this abuse?

  • Gloria Rodriguez

    I am a victim of mental abuse. I don't know what to do. I can't afford to move out and I have a dog. I can't get rid of my dog because I need him or i'll kill myself. It was hard loosing one dog, i can't give up my other dog. I get yelled at for stupid things, things like, you came home from school, i'm always being treated poorly. There's nothing for someone like me. I'm 22 years old and can't move out. Why isn't there anything for someone like me who needs the help? I'm not asking for much, even housing assistance would be nice, but everything I look up says you have to have a family for any sort of help.

    If there is anything? Why is this information not immediately available?

  • Heather

    My father mentally abuses me in the past he has physically abused us and my mother really badly. But we moved to Alabama we just moved back to Ohio a couple of years ago my dad has a new girlfriend a new kid and another on the way. He is never home because he works all day. He comes home and he tries to control everyone in the house he puts me down all the time and he tells me I'm nothing.

    A few weeks ago I got into trouble with my boyfriend because my dad found out I was having sex with him he's 18 and I'm 16, we have been dating almost a year. I admit I shouldn't had done that my dad threatened to make me take a lie detector test to see if I was lying. I wasn't sure if he could do that so I said yes we have done it. But our relationship wasn't based on sex we only have done that a couple of times. I tried to explain that to my dad but he doesn't try to understand because he told me I'm going down the wrong path and he told my boyfriend that I'm screwed up and he doesn't want anything to do with me. He told him that I think I'm in love that this happens with all my boyfriends. But it doesn't he lies to people to make me look so bad. He took my car from me the other day because he thought i went and saw my boyfriend but i didn't and I Have no idea what to do because nothing i say gets through to him. He told me my bro and my sister to call our mother in Alabama that we need to go stay with her before he kills us all. Now he is saying that we can't go with her it's all so complicated I'm only 16 years old and I have no idea what to do. My dad has been in jail several times and just all the memories from when we were little make us terrified of our father..

    Please give me adivise as what to do.

    Thank you,

    Heather

  • patchwork

    My heart goes out to the kids. The rest of us have choices. Yes, we do! It may not seem like it, but we do. I could add my own war story to this list. It would be made up of snippets and patches of many of the other postings below because my own story resembles in some aspects your own stories. Guess that is the (ugly and sadly common) face of abuse? As long as you do not believe what your abuser says, as long as you see the wall he built around you as his wall and not yours, there's hope. The trouble with verbal/psychological abuse is (and that is what is so debilitating and devious about verbal abuse), we start to believe that what they say is true and we build our own wall from their building blocks. We can climb over someone else's wall, but the ones you build around yourself are unsurmountable because you are telling yourself that you cannot climb over it for your own reasons - and so you do not try, or you try half-heartedly and slide back down - because your own reasoning stands unquestioned. It is the truth and the gospel to you. It is what you live by every day, as messed-up and un-true it may be - not to mention that it gets re-inforced by your abuser repeatedly and viciously. Maybe that is why it is so futile often to tell someone: "you must get out of that situation". They know they should, but cannot get past their own unchecked reasoning. Kids on the other hand are at the mercy of adults. They just do not have the means to pick up and go. My heart aches for them. God bless you. Try to stay safe.

  • Anonymous-18

    I am going through some things with my mother, ever since I was 6 she would say very hurtful things, she always used money to buy my love and I have gotten to the point where we cant live together I am going to college and I had to move in with her for 2 months, I have no money saved up and she is driving me crazy but I cant move out because I am broke. if I stay here I will go crazy she is very manipulative and controlling and does things just to get under my skin, someone please help.

  • Myriah

    Right Now I Am Emotionally Abused...I Cry Alot And I Do Feel Lik Whatever i Do Is Not Good Enough...Just Lik what Everyone Else Is Saying. My Older Sister Anna Knows That I Am emotionally abused, But My Mom And My Other Older Sister Myra Just Think I Want A Problem in My Life. It Started When My Sister Myra's Boyfriend Touch Me. I Got Scared But I Wasnt Sure If That Was Ok Or What..I Told My Auntie And She Told Me That Was Not Right So I Told My Mom But My Mom Said I Was Being Dramtic. So I Went Back With My Auntie And Told My Sister Anna What Had Happen. She Was So Mad. But Her And I told My Myra But She Was Wit Her Boyfriend At the Time(Her Boyfriend Mike Was On Meth At That Time) And She Got Mad At Me And Told Me She Never Wanted To See Or Have Aything To Do With Me! But To This Day(2 Months After) My Mom And Myra Still Do Not Believe Me. But My Dad And My Sister (Who Im Ever Greatful For) Anna Believe Me. Right Now Mike Is At Rehab And My Sister Is Still With Him( Also They live With My Mom And Dad And I). But He Freaks Me Out So Much! I Hate It. And Whenever I Try To Talk To My Family About It They Shut Me Out. So I just Talk About It With My Friends, And I Have Noticed That Many Of My Friends Have The Sam Problems As I Do. Well Thats All I Have To Say...

  • Caroline

    I can now see I am not alone when it comes to being mentally abused as well as emotionally abused. It's crazy some of the stories I just read through. I mean I go through a lot of the same things and it's all with an ex now and my father too but still. I am having to get a restraining order against a man who abuses me greatly in more ways than one. it's crazy what goes on in the world and it's even crazier how long it took me to find out that I am being abused. I am scared to go out side scared to walk around and even talk. Wors of all I am scared of writing this article and getting caught. I have been mentally abused and emotionally abused, but I have also been physically abused as well. It's crazy how much it hurts to be mentally and emotionally abused compared to physical. If I could have a physical beating instead I think I would take it. One it''s easy to prove and Two the pain eventually goes away. Words hurt. that's all for now. If any one would like to email me feel free.

    ~Caroline.

  • C. J. C.

    I'm 44, married 22 years with 4 kids. Was physically and emotionally abused by my mother, didn't know my father at all, none in my life growing up. When I was around the ages of 8, 9 years old, she would hit me with a long stick all the time, because I was slow in Math and she always had to help me with my homework. EVERY TIME I got an answer WRONG, she would hit me with that thick, long 3 or 4 ft stick!!!! I got the answers wrong A LOT!!! My older sister watched helplessly. She called me "Stupid" when I was a child, one time she even PUSHED me out the front door of our house in the dark and in the middle of a violent thunderstorm when I was 8, and LOOKED at me as I was banging on the door, crying to be let in!!!! She said she did it to break me out of my FEAR of thunderstorms!!! She damn-near literally scratched my left eye out when I was 15, had me down in a corner, hitting me in the face, slapping me and scratching at my face all because I misplaced something in the house as a teenager!!!! I had blood on my shirt, ran out of the house, and to make it worse I had to go to school the next day (Picture Day) and LIE, when people asked me who did that to me!!! Couldn't tell anyone that my own MOTHER ATTACKED me!!! The scars are still on my face to this day. Mother died 14 years ago. Being raised like this, no wonder I ended up in an emotionally abusive, sometimes physically abusive, and even SEXUALLY abusive marriage!!! The damage has been done!! I can't believe I haven't committed suicide yet!!! My KIDS are the reason I am STILL on this earth. I keep living because THEY are here and THEY need me.

  • S H L

    I have been mentally and physically abused. I married a guy I dated for many years and had two children with him. The abuse started a year after we were married. At first it was just name calling then it went to oushing me around and kicking me each and every day. we would have been married 7 years December of last year. I then got involved with someone just like him. I don't know how to deal with my self. When you leave one relationship and go to one that is almost a carbon copy you really start to believe you deserve the treatment that you get. I was just wondering how we let ourselves get so down that we belive such things?

  • kez

    will it ever stop my kids dad have been doing mental abuse for years he just walks out as a normal day and dont come home his kids r older now but we went through a stage where they all blamed themselves he hides at his familys home and friends he lies to get them to feel sorry for him but it never stops i sort out me 5 children get them back on track and then he will turn up and here we go again 15yrs this has been going on and no one wonts to help if he hit me and the kids theres help out there but mental and emotional abuse no one wonts to no so you go through it time and time again it the children i feel sorry for one of them fault they would be better of dead then to keep putting up with it and the only help she got was a school councilor once aweek the other 4 didnt get any help they think this is a normal life now cause no one wants to help so u have to get on with it just nowing whats going to happen thanks for taking the time to read this

    kez

  • Brigitte Pliska

    I was severely abused as a child. At age 6, I actually enjoyed being left to fend for myself in what was a foreign country because it was better than being with my bio parents -- especially after having had a wonderful childhood for those first six years while being cared for by grandparents! I finally wrote two books about all my ordeals and at age 50 am finding myself unable to sleep nights because 9 months ago, when my mother started to mentally abuse and pick at my sweet 10 year-old while also trying to stir up crap with my bipolar 22 year-old son, I finally drew the line and told her she could no longer be in my life. Now I not only feel guilty for all the years I made my kids deal with her (mostly watching me get it and being ignored while being given checks, etc while she got drunk) but for the fact that it took me this long to draw the final line in the sand.

    My two published books were shocking enough although they only addressed about 1/4 of the actual abuse and truth be told, I white-washed my mother's role due to the fact that we still had such a close (albeit dysfunctional) relationship.

    She's 72, still dressing like a teen, globe-trotting and accusing me of being a fat old hag (most men find me attractive nevertheless at 150 lbs) and sending us postcards from all over the world while she knows two of her grandchildren are struggling with full-time jobs and college.

    Still I feel guilty for cutting her out of our lives when she treated my 10 year-old daughter in a far less decent manner than she ever showed to my sons. (The woman's a catty bitch who thinks all females are her rivals).

    At 50 I should grow up and I have been ... at the cost of not ever enjoying a full night's sleep since I finally told her to leave us alone.

  • ashley

    i know its long but plz read it. and don't mind my spelling.

    i know my mom is abusise BUT... after reading all the comments on here my sittuation seems diffrent. i am thinking there might be a mental illness she is suffering from but i havn't really found one that is simmilar to what i haeve researched.

    here is a real quick summary of my up bringing.

    i am 23.almost 24. i have been on my own since i was 17.

    i was home schooled at 8yrs of age. from the time i was 12 to 15 i was grounded. for not cleaning right. i lost of of my friends. my mom is SEVERLY critical of me and embaressed. she care s a great deal of what others think of her her home and her family. i was yelled at constantly for no reason. i really can't remeber to much from my childhood except that is was so crontolling. she lied to me about my birth dad refusing to tell me a thing. she says she was but on this earth to be my disaplanarien (can't spell no spell check sorry) and will never be my friend. kicked me out of the house at 13 followed me down the road gave me 20 bucks and said good luck. when she found me i was grounded for 8 months.

    now that i have been on my own for 6 years. my mom still says i am a child i am not responsible that i am a child and i blame evrything on evryone else. but it all is in a MOCKING tone. she has pitty party for her self.. telling me that i am hatefull and disrespectfull. she says she sick of my shit. i don't know what shit i don't ask for money i have never done drugs i hardley drink. i don't get it. she is constantly saying that i am not matuare enough to handle the word and that i need to grow up.

    i have tried to talk to her but it is her way or no way(like most mothers but way worse) i have tried to have just a normal conversation like hey did u see what so and so did always a lession. evrytime anything comes out of my mouth is a lession.

    she keeps saying when u grow out of your "phase". ok my "phase" is who i am i have been this way for about 8 years or so. i geuss i am what u call punk. this is what i do. i like working with children i do macch's and rally for women against sexual violence i raise money for god causes. i freaking gave clothes off my back to a homless man. BUT i am a screw up according to my mother. oh did i mention probaley that biggest problem MY MOTHER IS A EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN. i have nothing against christians at all. but she is judgmental. she dosn't understand why i am not going to frat parties and drinking and living in a sorority house and why i am not preppy. she said when u grow out of this u can find a good god fearing man that loves god and get married and then we can be friends.

    ex. i was telling my mother abou the march i was just in "take back the night" (go check it out) and she was driving me home(she came up to visit) and completley interupped me as we drove by a frat house and said now ashley dson't that look like fun? instead of "protesting" and started laughing and shaking her head. oh and one last thing when she comes over to my house . she looks under the tolilet seat if its dirty she makes me clean it before she lets me leave the room aor if my bed isn't fixed right se forcs me to make it right....... did i mention this is my house. plz help it sounds like i am complaining but it is so much more. i geuss i just can't explain it well but i need suport i have stopped to talking to her about two weekago for my own heath and well i wish more than anything i could have a relationship with my mom and i have tried oh god how i have tried but nothing is good enough i am a child and i am wrong no matter what the sittuation and i am there to be seen not heard and i can not speak my mind or express my own thoughts or opions without hearing cursing and just hell.

  • Will

    I was mentally abused by both of my parents, I admit to it now, the mother? hit me, scorned me, my father, physically and adeptly abused my screwed up head to this day, comments like I bring bad things upon myself, other people have it worse off than you, tells me I don't have a reason to be upset about anything, I lived in fear of him and my mother, and yet I live with this "fear" till this day, low self esteem, unexplainable illnesses, He blamed me for my wifes death by "stress" days after she died, she died of cancer 7 months ago! I have been diagnosed with bipolar in 1994, disabled, and have no real family, nor I desire to be with any of them. I live a life with no escape from this misery and anger and resentment. Kudos to you evil parents in succeeding in procreation but not adaptation!

  • Anonymous-19

    My dad is always telling me that i am not good enough and that i will never suceed in life. He also blames and takes his anger always out on me. He always curses at me and says negative things. He says things like your stupid, I hate you, i wish i had a better kid. I just want to say that if you are reding this you are not the only one with this problem

  • Anonymous-20

    I have been married for 19 years, but it is only recently that I have come to realize that my husband has been verbally abusive to me for most of those years. My parents saw it a long time ago, but now he is starting in on our youngest daughter (14). His mother is also abusive - both physically and verbally. She has been verbally abusive to me and he has excused it time and again. Fortunately, he knows if he was to lay a hand on me to hurt me, the kids and I would be gone in no time. But I honestly think it is just a matter of time. He has always had a bad temper and yells at our daughter and I ALOT. He will even go so far as to say that he wants her out of the house. No, she is not a perfect angel, but I have told him that he will leave before I make our 14 year old leave. I honestly think that if I could, I would take her and just disappear.

  • scared staight

    Hi, if any one is reading this message I just want to say that I am a very confused person right now, after reading some of your comments it made me know that I am abused by my husband,my husband is a minister, and minister sometimes at the church where we attend, I can not possibly tell any one them, because they think that he is this just terrific husband (they just do not know of the hell I go through)i can not tell my family because they do not like him for the fact that he isolate me from them.To give you some information of what I go through is,my husband he mental abuses me, he'll say things like you do not listen very well,he'll tell me that I am a dictator (and that is him)he tell me that I am not submissive as a wife, that even if he is wrong in something ,that I am suppose to just shut my mouth and say nothing or I am out of place if I do,he can say what ever hurtful things to me and he is right,but if I respond I am wrong,he isolates me from everyone and everything,i do not have my friends anymore,after he picks me up from work ,i have to stay in the house ,i can not even see my family down the street or he will get mad,i am not allowed to drive the car unless he gives me permission,he has even made me walk from work several times knowing that I didn't have a way home,also he has made me walk to work in the morning.He is always angry whether he wakes up in the morning or not something is always wrong or he is always complaining,he yells at the top of his voice just to get his point across,and I feel like he does this to intimidate me because he knows that it scares me and he knows that I will be quiet,i have even secretly taped him on my cell phone while we were driving when he got into one of his rages that day and beat and choked me that day after our disagreement,when he choked me that day I felt like he almost killed me ,i could not breath and almost went unconsicious,then he called me a cry baby b-tch and told me to get my a-- out of his car,well I stumbled out of the car and down the road trying to catch my vision and my breath while he drove off leaving me down the street, I guess after realizing what he done he came back and drove on the side of me demanding to get into the car,well I didn't until he got out and made me,then while in the car he keeped saying that he was sorry and that I pushed him to that point to make him do that(no matter what a person say how can someone make you do that!)i admit that in the past that it has happened before where I had to fight back to get him off me and he said that that is why he had done it because I have a fighting spirit and think that I can beat him up(now why would I think that?)this man is always angry and always doing things that he shouldn't,and if he is confronted by me in his wrong doing ,all hell break lose because he think everything that he does is right,i feel that he is very controlling,he contols everthing down from my hair,clothes,to my make-up,to my paycheck,but does whatever he wants to with his,he tells me that I am suppose to act a certain way as a minister's wife(but he doesn't)he still drinks beer,smokes,and also he has been out to a club until four in the morning with my brother, what kind of club, I do not know what kind,but I am thinking it was a strip club,because that is all the kind of clubs that my brother goes to.He also tell me that I am insecure and very jealous of him,well if I am it is because he made me that way, because he is always accusing me of every man he sees,even in my church I cannot be on my praise team the right way because he is jealous of our praise team leader which is a guy, he always tell me not to give my phone number to him because that is not the order of the church,he say's that if any man wants my phone number that they have to go through him,he has also accused me of having a sexual relationship with my brother the one that he went to a club with,he says that he feel like my brother has a perversion spirit for me,that is so crazy!!!!I would never think of my brother that way and he would not think of me that way either,before I got with him me and my brother use to be so close,but know, no we are not like we use to be,he does not like my mother because he thinks that she is a dictator and he says that I am just like her,he claims that all the women in my family are dictators that is the reason why they don't have a man ,he says that my family is crazy and disfunctional,we are not perfect but I do not think that we are what he says,i have had several bruises on my body from attacks from him,and he always make me feel that everthing that happens to me is my fault and makes me feel like I deserve the abuse that is happening to me ,he says that I just want people to feel sorry for me and have me a pity party(why would I ?)he always try to turn everything around and make hisself seem like the victim and make me feel guilty and make me say I am sorry for an argument that he started,the only time he is happy is when he is in church around others,and that makes me so confused,because in church he is one way out of church he is another,this man has brought filthy porn tapes into my house and wanted me to watch that filth with him,well I refused I would tell him you are suppose to be a minister what is wrong with you,he still would watch it and after he would finish he would want sex afterwards,then he would apologize and say that if I forgive him,that he would not let satan make him do it again,(he still would)so I would say that I forgive him just so he would leave me alone,and go into our bathroom and cry,then if he noticed that I would cry he would say that ,i asked you for forgiveness and that you said you forgave me so it is over and it is not to be talked about again in order for me not to tell the bishop of our church what he had done,he would say that our bishop do not need to know everthing that goes on in our life,he would say that people are not perfect,i know that ,but when something because unbearable it does,he is not a understanding or a sensitive person, when I first got with him, he told me that he was sensitive and caring and that he would never make me cry,well he did not use integrity with those statments, he has done the opposite,he knows that I had been in two very abusive relationships in my life,i shared that with him,but I had thought i'd meet the man of my dreams since he is a minister,all I know is that right now in my life I am very unhappy,i do not smile or look at life as I used to,i am always now in a state of confusion and do not know if I am coming or going,i know that when you are married to a minister if he is abusive, I know that he turns everything around and make it look like you,so what can you do no one will believe you,so you just take it and live with it, if anyone else is going through what I am going through please respond because I don't know if I am wrong or right anymore! Signed very confused person

  • Anonymous-21

    My mom always does that to me her favorite time to strike me is when I'm crying she starts telling me o u don't appreatate anything you don't understand.

    I undertand but she always does that to me is it wrong to be angry at her for that.

    I feel like she doesn't care about me she always says why can't you be like your cousins and crap like that. I try but I'm not perfect, and my sis she doesn't help either she always talks bad about me right in front of my face to my mom, and my bro just watches.

    He acts like he doesn't even realize thats happening, wat do i do i'm 14 and i have to put up with this no matter what i do i can't make my mom proud i always behave well in school to get good grades, I try to do house work there's nothing eles I could do to make her proud.

    My sis nevr listens to me all she does is talk to her friends I ask for help she ignores me or locks me out ever since I was 9 i've been thinking about suicide, since all my sis did to me when i was small was make fun of me. All my brother did was join in or nothing at all.

    I wish some one could help me before u see me on the news girl commites suicide

  • Anonymous-22

    I am 43. I have 2 sons,17 and 12. My daughter is 22 and married. I lived with the boys' father for 15 yrs before he kicked us out because he was having an affair with our neighbor. (He had many over the yrs) I have been away from this man for more than 6 yrs. I am remarried to a man who is wonderful, supportive and understanding, but he still pays for the things my ex did to me. My 17 yr old is now starting to call me names and saying things like "You are FAT and WORTHLESS PIECE OF CRAP!" He tells me that I look "old", "Have jowles and a billion chins and wrinkles". He gets very inraged if I ask him to do any type of chore...so I don't. His rage is very scarey. He threatens to hit me with objects or throw things at me. He has hurt me. I tell him to go live with his father because these are the same things his father did to me. The only thing different is that his father did them on a much larger scale, but I can see my son going in the same direction. My son tells me that I am the most peaceful person in the world and he wants to be more like me, but then the next time I do not do what he wants, BAM!. He explodes. I have always thought that if I would show him what being a peaceful person is that he would follow. He says he will not go live with his dad. This is tearing up my good marraige now. My son acts like the Alpha male when my husband is not home. He has even threatened violence against my now husband. I just don't know what to do. He refuses to talk when we go see counselors. He is just like his dad in the fact that he shows a very different face to outsiders. I just want to feel better about myself, but he won't let me. OH AND TO ALL OF THE YOUNG PEOPLE WHO ARE EXPERIENCING ABUSE... YOU ARE LOVED. I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SEE YOU, BUT I WISH I COULD BE EVERYONE'S MOM AND HUG YOU AND TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU...WHICH I DO. EVERYDAY. HANG IN THERE AND LOVE YOURSELF BECAUSE I LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHO OR WHERE YOU ARE. Thank you for letting me share.

  • Anonymous-23

    Hello..! I really need someones advice. My mom was in a very abusive relationship. What brought her back to our home town was because she was beaten to near death. She was almost unrecognizable.She came home with a broken jaw, both eyes were black and blue, 3 cracks in the skull. It was horrilbe! She has been away from him for 3 years now. I spoke with her today, and she said they have been talking on the phone with one another. He is planning a trip to our home town to see her soon. I am so scared for her. I don't understand how you can go back to someone who nearly killed you. My brother and I have had to watch this on the sidelines not knowing what we could do. This man has never spend one day in jail, or even a slap on the hand for what he has done to our mom. I have tried telling my mom that getting together with this man is the worst decision she could ever make. She said in 3 years he has probably changed. She then quickly changed the subject. Please if anyone could give me some advice I really need it. I fear for my mothers life.

  • Evan

    hello i'm 16 and my girlfriend, soon to be fiance, is 15 and has been living at home with her parents all of her life. well i met her a little bit over two years ago and we made one hell of a connection, i fell in love with her the first time that i ever seen her! well needless to say i took her viginity, i know she was extremly young but it just kinda happened. we didn't plan on it. Well her dad has asked me to stay the night at his house with them the night that it happened. up until this moment him and i had an amazing relationship, he was like another father to me! well he had always favored kimberly over the rest of the kids because she was his first born child. well once he found out that i took her virginity he went ape shit! he completly lost it. he got so bad that he wouldn't look at her, speak to her, or have anything to do with her. well that tore her up inside because she had always been extremely close with him and she was daddies lil girl. she was calling me everynight for over three months crying her eyes out because of this. it tore me up to know that because i choose not to stop the actions that her and i made he wouldn't even accept her as his own daughter. I couldn't stand bringing pain to the one thing that i loved in this life! well after about three to four months of this i broke up with her so that way things between her and her father could get better, or atleast thats what i thought would happen. well it didn't instead they got worse. yet i still tried to stay away thinkng that maybe just maybe things would get better. i had completely erased myself from her life for over a year. trust me if your reading this and your going through anything the same don't leave her/him, it will be the hardest thing you will ever do. anyways she had been dating other guys and one imparticular that her dad liked and ya know things were a lil better then but she wasn't happy with him. so it was a catch 22. well she has always been one to make others happy before herself and this guy was head over heals for her just as i was, well she dated him for about 11 months and then finally she had, had enough. she broke up with him. well by that time i had just got into another relationship that meant something and then she came back to me and started talking to me again, well as most of you know the emotions all came back. so on may 25, 2007 her and i got back together. since then her and i have been the happiest people on the face of the earth relationship wise anyways. her dad still hated me and even went as far as to threaten to kill me and not just once but three times. well he has also been nothing but an ass to her since her and i have got back together, i mean he constantly says that she is never going to amount to anything, that im just a no good piece of shit who stole her virginity from him (kinda fucking wierd if you ask me), and that im her and i will never last, well everytime she does something for her parents now all they do is shrug there shoulders and don't even give a shit, all he does to her is scream and yell at her he never tells her good-job or anything, i mean for the first time in three years the girl has straight A's and all he can say is if she keeps it up then maybe she can have her eyebrow pierced, come on now we kids only want you parents to tell us good job or i'm proud of you. well she has been dealing with him yelling at her over nothing everyday for the last 5 1/2 months now and she has cut her self multiple times because of him, and im sick of it. i want to just go over to her house (which im not allowed to go near) and just kick his ass. ya know? well yesterday he topped it off, he went over the line. he grounded her because she has been wanting to move out for the last few months and she says that she hates him for what he does to her and then what he does to us. well after that he took everything, i mean everything from her. all she has now is a bed and dresser, he took her phone permanetly, her computer tv, stereo, everything. he even said that she can't have any friends anymore and any time she talks on the home phone they both have to agree on it and they have to listen to the whole conversation, i mean he has just gone total control freak and mental abuser on her. i mean it was so bad that monday night she called me balling her eyes out saying that the only reason she was still alive and didn't blow her head off was because she couldn't leave me alone in this world, and that she loved me so much that i was all it took to get that idea out of her head. that really hurt me and i couldn't stop crying then, well i talked to mom about it and told her what had happened and she told me to call kathy and tell her about it. Well i called my srs social case worker Kathy, last night and i talked to her about it and her and i are meeting up today at the sumner county courthouse and going over there for an ememergency meeting with her and her parents (which most likely means that she will be leaving there and moving in with me) i explained everything that i just told you and she isn't impressed. she was relatively pissed off. in my eyes this has gone on long enough. it needs to end now!

    Well i just wanted to post this so that way everyone could see that there is help out there. you can get it no matter what. now i'm not saying that everyone can move in with there bf/gf but its a possibility. her and i are just getting extremely lucky. well i want to wish everbody on here luck and just don't be afraid to go and get help. i mean if your in an abusive home a childrens home isn't that bad i've been there before but thats another story, and moms/dads, grow up if you have children and you continue to put them through the live of watching you get the shit beat out of you get away your children deserve so much better. if kim's mom would have been smart enough to do that then she would still be able to keep her daughter at home instead now she's gunna watch her child live with me! is that what you want? because regardless of what you think it does effect us ALOT! just remember that everybody is loved, everybody is special, and everybody means something. if you didn't why did god put you on this earth? think about it!

    Evan

  • Anonymous-24

    im sorry...

  • jennie

    that story just horrifies me...i really wish that a class should be taught in school on how to raise your children..because everything a parent does will affect their child...he should be shot..how could you treat your kid like that..i am a mother myself and could never and would never do that to my son..i hope she gets the help she needs and gets away from him..what a shame...

  • jennie

    i just wanted to add that my heart is just breaking from all these stories and if anyone needs to talk to me my email is jennie721@optonline.net... i cannot fix your problem but i can be a ear to listen and hopefully give some advise on how i over came my abuse...i am a 35 year old woman with one child so if you want to talk please drop me a line...i want to help...god bless you and you are not alone...i love you all...

  • kscott

    Iam financially dependant on the pereson I have been going out with for 6 years He is very mentally abuse calls me names tells me i will see him when he says i can. When i do go over there to stay with him he always has his ringer on his phone shut off I do not make enough monet to support myself since my divorce so he helps me with part of my rent and other things to survive. please help me with any advice Iam ready to give up thank-you

  • Cynthia

    I have read so many of these comments and as painfual as they are I can relate to them on so many levels. I came from an extremely abusive childhood and married an abuser. I am 43 and did not want children with him or to have a child exposed to his abuisve family or mine. I really think Hell is right here on earth for so many of us. I did seek counseling and found a lot of healing through prayer and meditation. If anyone wants to e mail me (msamerica34_98@yahoo.com) I can share more with you about my past, and I am also a good listener. I feel venting out things is very healing for us all. I am praying for everyone who has been exposed to any kind of abuse in there life. Thank you for listening..... Cynthia

  • Rae

    Hey! My real name is Mchela...Well, what do you do when your 19 year old brother drinks every night? And he gets drunk, then he comes into your room and wakes up..Then forces you to stay up all night so he can mentally abuse you? And what if your mother can't do anything about it?

  • Anonymous-25

    I don't know what to really say except I am feeling so sorry for myself. I have been with my husband since I was 17 and am now 30. We have one child together who is very young and another on the way. I am very sad everyday as he is becoming worse and worse with his words and actions towards me. Everything is always my fault no matter what, and I am constantkly called dummy, stupid, ugly, fat and acting like a child. He tells me I am a depressing person and need meds, even with taking meds nothing helps. If I mention wanting a divorce I am told I could never get my son. I am at a loss for what to do with myself. I cannot go on this way anymore. I can't talk about this with anyone I know and am scared to go to counseling in fear that I could lose my child for being exposed to verbal abuse. Not that it happens around him, in fact it doesn't happen in front of anyone. I have no way to prove what he does to me.

    I am so hurt, I don't understand what I've done in life to deserve this. I don't understand why or how one person could possibly want to hurt another person like I am hurt almost daily. If it weren't for my son I would not know how to carry on with myself. Plus being pregnant again I am so upset daily I almost wish I don't carry this pregnancy to full term. I am so alone and sad. I just don't understand how someone can do this and be so fake to their own spouse. I am a good wife- I try to do all I can to be the best and nothing is ever good enough. All I can say is "Why me?" just why?

  • Lee

    I completely understand what you are going through, or what you went through. I was called, stupid, retard , stunned bitch, stupid whore, fat bitch, he told me my real friends were only my friends because they felt sorry for me, accused of being a lesbian because I would talk on the phone to my friends, alienated me from my family. smushed food into my face because he was angry because "i woke him up" had it thrown on the floor and told to eat it off the floor like the ugly pig dog that I am. I am useless, can't do anything right, the house is dirty (you could literally eat off the floors) i put too much meat on his sandwhich, "what are we rich" not enough meat on his sandwhich "what are we poor" his coffee was cold, i woke him up too early, let him sleep too late, had my wrists bent all the way back because I was such an annoying bitch when i tried to wake him up in the morning, I was nosey, useless, worthless, . Lock me out of the house , make me sleep on the floor if I refused to have sex with him, sleep deprive me, wake me up every hour by running into the bedroom and screaming get up you fat pig, ......good times, good times. I have been gone for a month now, I finally left. But I still feel stupid, and worthless, and everything else......but at least I can finally sleep ~

    Lee

    Good luck to everyone

  • heather

    Ok my comment isn't really a comment but more like a question and if anyone can help feel free to email me at dark_angel31021@yahoo.com. Ok i am a 18 yr old female and my boyfriend and i have a 11mnth child together who has not been legitimized. He has been physically and emotionally abusive to me in the past. Everytime i try to leave him, he threatens to take my child. what do i do and how do i stop him evrytime i try to leave he tells me he'll change or he makes me feel like its my fault. I am terrified for our daughters safety and my own.

  • Anonymous-26

    My world is a strange one. When everything is going well I am the best wife ever. But if there is a snag in life (money issues, kid issues) or if I get even a little grouchy all hell breaks loose. I still have control over our money at least I say that. Perfect example of my life, regarding xmas shopping. My husband took the kids out to shop for me, I made a comment about I hope he didn't spend too much and he went off on me. Why do i always have to try to ruin xmas for him. For once quit freaking out about money. Why am I trying to ruin xmas. We have had several incidents when I have not said the right thing or apologized quick enough and he has gotten physical with me and spit on me and called me names. i must admit i am quite scared of him. He has been in prison, had numerous asssault charges and his own parents are scared of him. I have never got him to aknowledge my feelings in an argument. He keeps me up late interogating and confusing me---I am always trying to figure out the right thing to say instead of what is in my heart. Back to the xmas shopping-we overspent because he did'nt want me to put any limitations on him. Now I am in a state of stress once again because he could not take no for an answer. Of course now that we have no money it is my fault. It is a very strange place to be when you can't trust anything in your head...because you are a stupid b---tch, wh---e, lier, c word and on and on. If I tried to leave he would take my kids and dissapear forever. and would have no qualms in killing me.

  • MC

    Im not sure if this is mental abuse or not. I have been married for3 yrs. I have a child from a previous marrige and a 2yr old from the present one. When I met my husband he was the nicest man I had ever met. He was loving and devoted to me and my son. We dated for 3yrs and then decided to marry. By then my son was 5. We decided to start trying to get pregnant. It didnt take long. I delivered my daughter in 10/05. Up until I went back to work things had been wonderful. Then it all changed. he started hitting on ther women in front of me, hunting alot, making fun of me, etc... I started to get bitter, still am. He no loger helps with the kids or the house, he lashes out at my son, he makes me feel like Im wrong when I try to talk about our problems. The list goes on. im no angel I do get angry with him but Im tiered mentally and physically. I get so angry when he makes me feel like Ive done something wrong an I know i havent. Any suggestions?

  • Kristina

    I'm 16 and constantly cruelly talked to by my stepfather. My mother is too blind to notice. It hurts evry day. Now all I feel is guilt over everything. Is this abuse? What should I do?

  • elan

    My husband sounds like all the other jackasses out there. They all must be the same age. My husband calls me ignorant, lazy, dirty, and always says my house is dirty. If i tell him to leave, he tells me to get out. He says i will never get my child ( b/c im a bad parent), if i try to divorce him he will get his friends to slander me in court, and he will quit his job so that i wont get child support.

    My husband is the ignorant one. I know what abuse is and his day is coming. I have put up with his shit long enough, and once i find a place to go he will regret it. With his attitude he will never see his kid, and if hes lucky he wont get jail time for his abuse.

  • Deb

    I have had enough. Last month I told my husband of 20 years that I have had enough. Looking back I should have ended it 19 1/2 years ago, but I was young and did not understand about phyical and mental abuse. He has not been physicaly abusive to me in about 4 years but the mental abuse still continues, even while he sits in jail he is still mental abusive. And I'm the one out here talking care of everything alone and without him but yet it's still not good enough. He's due to possibly be released from jail next month. I so want to write the judge and tell him to keep him there for his full sentance. He was sentance to jail for 2 years for falonious assult and has only served 8 months. But since he has been locked up, I feel that that has helped me to gain the strength and to see that I can make it without him and that I will be ok. My only fear is that when he does get out that I will become weak and fall back into his trap. I mean I do still sometimes feel that maybe I am over reacting as he would put it, but I know deep down this is NOT right. But I still can't help myself for thinking such things. I am starting couseling next week and am hoping I am on the road to finally getting myself healthy and being happy for the first time in a long time. I just pray to God to help me though this and to give me the strength to continue.

  • Lexi, 13

    Hi, my mom constantly yells at me and she has told me many times in the past to go to hell and that i'm a bitch.... just recently she was pushing me into my room and my feet caught grip and I flung over and banged my chin on the staircase pole and bite my lip from the inside out.... literally. My mom also loves to constantly SLAP SLAP SLAP me and she hits me as hard as she can but somehow doesn't make a mark. She even threatens me with her fist many times. I have tried everything to make this stop I have gone to Pine Rest Mental Hospital and have tried to run away with my aunt but the police called and i had to stay with my grandma for that night and had to go to Pine Rest the next day. I am not aloud to see anybody I just got to see my grandma because I needed my money but other than that I haven't seen any family members except my mom dad and brother since Dec. 26..... I need help I am constantly insulted and slapped and held down on the bed and screamed at please help me and email on what I should do... lexijoy10@gmail.com--- please I am majorly depressed and there is not a day that goes by without pain in my stomach from nerves because I am scared to death.... Child Protective Services are in on it too a little bit because my dad has drinking problems also and puts me in danger... please help

  • Phil

    Ive been abused for most of my life especially by my two parents (who were prison officers), who hid behind their families and spread lies sysematically about me for over 30 years. I wont go into to much detail, but they deny it all, "ha ha" (sarcasic laugh) , my earliest recolection was at aged 6, when, as a family we went to stay with my mothers friend, my mother said her friend had mental problems, like any six year old i told her friend. Because of this my mother beat me up in front of her friend, who then stopped her from going around there again, consequently, when we got home my father said thats equivalent to 3 smacks a day for 8 years, so true to their word i was systematically beated up every single day, 3 times a day for 8 years, including jumping on my head kicking in the face hitting with a bamboo stick, dragging me out of bed by my hair, and attempted murder, when i got to 14, and was more able to defend myself, and after leaving home multiple times, they would deliberately spread malicious lies, the one which i hate them the most for was to deliberately, spread rumours that i had raped my 6 year old sister, at aged 14 to anyone they suspected me of either telling about their behaviour, or that i was friendly with, then they would tell people i had mental problems.

    The upshot of all this is, people like this will only admit what can be proved, if they can get away with beating you up, wrecking your life, desroying your confidence, to protect their own miserable hide, they will.

    My favorate quote from my mother, me aged 14 "mum why do you keep hitting me", mum "because you can take it"

    I dont want either of my parents or their families, in my childrens life, if I could afford it id take great pleasure in putting an injunction on them, and most of their associates, id need a lot of money though, as they have friends in the police, who they hide behind, because, of their work they used to do. Thats another thing with bullies, they do it because they are in a position to do it, and, because they know most of the time they will get away with it, its a power thing.

    I wound up on antidepressants, at aged 40, because of multiple, abuses over the years, the perpetrators attitudes, where one of disinterest. With, were not bothered its not us, being the predominant attitude.

    I could write a factual account of my life, that would send shivers up the spine of stephen king, Anyway in short, if someone beats you up, or deliberately, continuously puts you down, or hacks your internet, or spreads lies about you, or tries to have you murdered, or anything along these lines, and tries to blame you, or, says they cant help it, especially if they try the isolation ploy, used by my parents, and most bullies, they are abusive, and, dangerous, and you will do yourself no favours by having anything to do with them, as i found out the hard way.

    The best idea is probably to get as far away as possible, from such people, one thing ive noticed. When i forget, and let my guard down, they worm their way back in and start all over again, they are like cancer either cut it out completely, or, you will never get rid.

    Ive done some research into bullies, most of it agrees, you cant do much about bullies, if you try and uncover them, they get worse, they will try and implicate you, if you try and stop them, or try to uncover them. Only if they are forced will they stop, and, they wont stop willingly, If your not carefull you can end up just like they are, if you try and compete to survive, then they have won, what you have to realise is they have warped ideas, not you keep away. In work apparently bullies get better chances of promotion (nice, that explains some things) apparently due to the fact that employers are scarred of bullies, and, also, its easier to get rid of the weaker person than the bully, this being the usual routine.

    Anyway, sorry to read all these sad stories, hope you all sort out your problems

    Phil

  • Anonymous-27

    theres no way out and the kids have to suffer it to it breaks my heart and all u can do is pick up the kids and start again u sort them out and back the abuser comes its there dad so he can see them and around and around we go i sort them he mental abuses them and there is no help out there to stop him doing it to them i get caught in a catch 22 i cant prove the metal abouse and of course theres no marks on the kids if i move he finds us and around we go again he lies to his mates so they let him stay sometimes for a week sometimes longer so the kids are scared he has a key and things his said to them he know he can walk back in at anytime and they will put up with it to protect me cause im there mum i wish there was a way to stop him but there isnt no one wants to no.

  • Stephanie

    My family isnt like other families..My mom and me dont get along and i think we will never get along. My step-dad dont get along..My mom is to into my step-dad. She puts him infront of us. She lets him disrespect me as if it were a compliment.towards me.

    My mom and me never got along. She s never learned to let go and let me make my own mistakes. She gets mad when i try to grow up and meet people..do some stuff on my own..and its werid because everytime she tells me something i cant look at her in the eye. Everytime i came home i always cross my fingers.. and there cant be a day where there is no yelling in this house...My real dad didnt want me. i tried to contact him a couple of times but no luck..

    Sometimes i feel like leaving this house and never coming back. My mom will never lighten up. Shes so hard headed..Everytime i wanna go out she give me a attitude before i leave and we end up fighting.. Ive always told my mom everything and its like she doesnt care and finds something to yell at me for..

    I can wait till im 18 and have that choice to leave because here at my house is like a everydad thing.I cry myself to sleep and i dont no how she will understand that im growing up..Shes always had thing thing where she says something and when it comes to it she different..Shes always told me that when i know about a guy that im sure of i can bring him to the house and introduce him to my family but when i wwanna go out with someone that im talking to. she says no. . the person that i really want to be with..

    She hates. i dont know what to do anymore.Sometimes i think of leaving and sometimes i think of other things that could end all the crying and suffering.

  • BJ

    Hi I have been with my husband for 13 yrs now our best years were the first 2 after that everything changed. He use to hit on me alot although he has not done that in a long time, now it is the insults and put downs. Nothing I do is good enough for him. I have gained about 50 pounds since I had our second child and he is constantly calling me fat. He tells me I am lazy and that I do nothing. He treats me like this in front of our kids that even my smallest one has started calling me fat and lazy. It hurts so bad sometimes I wish I could lay down and die. I want out so bad but I have no where to go and all I work is a part time job and I could not support 2 kids on that . He tells me that he will quit his job before he pays me child support. He makes good money yet he yells at me when i ask him for a dollar. I never have any money I give him half my paycheck just so he will bitch a little less. I just dont know what to do. I want to leave so bad but like I said I have no where to go and we have a nice house I just hate to take my chikldren from that. My oldest daughter sees the way he treats me and she sees me constanly crying over his hurtful words. I want so much to stand up to him, I have tried a few times but he always seems to come back at me with even more hurtful things. I love him still I think. I am not in love with him anymore. I dont even like to have sex with him anymore cause he always says something about me being fat right before..How does he thinks that makes me feel? He doesnt care and he never will. I just want a life again I'm so tired of feeling like I will nwever ammount to anything in life. If anyone has anything to help please let me know.

  • WL

    I can't believe that I have been so blind through 27 years of marriage. I, like many others, am a victim who didn't know I was a victim. I was young and confident when I got married. I have had a sucessful business career and still could never make my wife happy. I made as many errors as the next person in a relationship. I always apologized because I was told that if I had done this or that differently my wife wouldn't have been upset. I didn't realize that it was all about control. My son recently committed suicide and my daughter is happily married. My wife's relationship with our children was always strained. She was fixated on pleasing her parents and a clean house. She was emotionally abused by her dad and she lived a very angry life. No matter what we did as a family, we could never make her happy. Early in the relationship, it was my fault. Later it was the kids. The kids felt that they could do nothing right when around her. They felt secondary to her parents in all areas of need. Now the kids are gone, it is back to being my fault. There is no way to make her happy and it is always my fault. I am exhausted from trying to correct my errors and recently had an epiphany when I read "Stop Walk ing on Eggshells" by Mason. After this read, I started reading about verbal and emotional abuse and realized that I have been a victim my entire married life. Her dad was an abuser and she carried it on in the next generation. From the outside, you would see a sweet, caring, thoughtful and kind person, but look out when no one else is around. This person is not the person you see in public. I can't believe the change in personality when no one else is around. My daughter and I talk frequently. We are the only ones who know and have seen this secret/other side and we talk frequently to cope and heal. I am nearing the end of this relationship due to the epiphany and the desire to eek some happiness out of life without feeling the guilt imposed by my spouse. I am well read and have taught about communication and happiness, but always had to hide the true happiness for fear of being mentally abused by my spouse. I can't believe that I have been blind for so long. Advice to others includes getting out early if you are in a truly abusive relationship. It isn't always the guy you know. I suggest you get out because it can have long term effects on the kids. Wise too late.

  • Wendy Haake

    this is in response to BJ on Feb. 13, 2008. i want you to know that you are not alone and that i know exactly how you feel and the concerns and worries you have. i too am in the same situation as you. i will be married for 14 years tomorrow, Feb. 25, 2008. i have 3 children, all under the age of 12. i would love to chat with you and encourage you in your time of need. know that God can and will get you and your kids through this and that you WILL be a stronger person because of all this! and your kids will see a strong mommy! Promise! i took steps and am now separated from my husband. actually, i took that step on Sept. 11, 2007. please understand that living with such a man as yours and mine, we have a tendency to believe every word they say. Do Not! they are controlling, manipulative, abusive, etc. they use intimidation and fear tactics to control us and we believe what they say. please, do not believe what he says!... not what "he" negatively says about you! not what "he" says is going to happen financially, etc., if you decide to separate from him! i can give you my personal experience, and my personal advice. this tiny space here to write to you doesn't seem big enough to say all the things i want to share and encourage you with. i know what it feels like to just put up with it all. i know what it feels like to be scared in the relationship, and to be scared to leave the relationship. if this site allows me, i would like to post my email address for you to contact me if you wish to talk or share your concerns. you are not alone and you never will be!! my email address is: loveishero@aim.com please, BJ, contact me. i would love to help you through all of this and be a support for you! I will pray for you and hope to hear from you soon. Keep the faith! God is bigger than all of this! Make this the first day towards getting help, getting support, getting advice, getting prayer, and getting stronger! The Lord and I would love to be with you every step of the way! sincerely, wendy

  • Erica

    I have been in abusive situations all my life. I am a very sorry excuse for a 30 year old woman! my Father was a drunk, my mother took it out on us or so I thought. I truly believe now neither of them wanted children. Then when I turned 21 I married my high school sweetheart who also turned out to be a drunk, a more abusive one than I was used to. I left him and he gave up drinking, I came back and we had our second child together. He might be "sober" from the booze but his angry, inconsiderate ways are 10-fold. I was way wrong in my life to think that booze is the culpriate. These people really are this way and they are not ever gonna change. I'm controlled by my husband and parents still. and I know there is no real love for me except from my children, who I'm sure one day will find something about me they don't like either. I feel like a complete waste of life and there is no help for me, I've exhausted all my options, tried everything even legal and illegal drugs. I hope everyone can see if you don't get away from all these negative people and the unacceptable things they do at the right time it is damaging forever!!!! In a way I am dead to this world and I can only hope death is a blessing!!!

  • Jessica

    Erica, I know how you are feeling and if you really think death is the good way out, you need to get some help. I've thought that way for a long time and I know it's not the answer. Do u want that man raising your children? That's what is going to happen if you opt out. Please call your local health centre or hotline and see what they tell you.

    My 2 1/2 yr old called me a bitch last night. That was my breaking point. Luckily my abusive boyfriend is not his father so it's easier to walk away as the child involved is not his. My bf ended up in Jail Valentine's night for throwing me down the stairs and the courts said we were not allowed within 300m of each other and like the dumb woman I am, I"ve let him back around. So now he's mean, I cry and we're breaking the law. It's been great. Just reading this back is making me nauseaus. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING TO MYSELF? I know I am worth more than this but he has this hold on me.

  • Anonymous-28

    BJ,

    Sorry to hear that you're going through this. However, I'm going through the same thing and I felt comfort that I wasn't alone. I know it's not easy to get out, because you have to up rot your kids and leave your home. You basically have to start on over on your own. I'm having the same problem. I get verbably abused on a regular basis. I call it the "revolving door".

    Perhaps, you could increase your hours and try to save some money up. Think about it and formulate a thorough plan to leave him for your own sanity and your kid/s. Remember that no one puts you down without your own consent. You might want to get some counseling to undo the damage and give you strength.

    I'm am going to TRY to do this stuff myself.. Good Luck to you.

  • Ali

    I actually am diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome from being married to a verbal and mental abuser for 15 years and then worse after the divorce over custody of our child. I had a nervous breakdown, when I was a good stay at home mother, didn't miss a PTA meeting, school function, and spent my time taking our daughter to sports, dance and all that soccer mom stuff. I ran for public office. Did volunteer work with the disabled and my ex still wanted to have full custody after always telling me not to work, to be a stay at home mom.

    It's been 8 years since the divorce and I still cannot get the things he did to me out of my mind. Every little thing reminds me of what he did to me. Because of his cruelty, I lost the last five years of my daughter's childhood and college experience. The story is too long, but I have been in therapy ever since because of the hate I cannot rid myself of, although I know it is not doing me any good to live in the past. But those were years I can never recover. The high school prom shopping. So many things a mother teaches a daughter while she is becoming a woman.

    Recently, I started to go into depression once again, being reminded of things. It happens almost every Christmas and holiday time. She is given trips to Europe or anywhere she wants to go and I never get to see her during these times. Of course, the nice thing to do would be to say, "Why don't you go visit your mother this Christmas, instead of the ticket to the South of France?"

    So, almost every holiday, I sink into the depths of missing my only child and rarely get to see her since she has moved to another city after college.

    So, I called a friend who is a psychiatrist I have known since high school and also dated one time, to come for a visit. I told him I was in a sad state from the holidays. Not working at the time, he comes for a visit.

    This is the third time in three years I have seen him for a spell. The previous two times ended with his lack of anger control and me running for my car to get away from him.

    After emailing off an on, I decided to try his companionship for another time. The holidays had just me down so badly.

    After about 2 weeks, his lack of anger management got the best of him again and over a totally minor thing about some computer software, he started demeaning me, saying horrible things and then resorted to screaming at me loud enough for my neighbors to hear and calling me a bitch.

    And this person is a psychiatrist who knows about my PTSD and that much of it is a result of all those years of being verbally and mentally abused and screamed at on a regular basis.

    At least all this made me feel a little better, knowing HE has an anger management problem, knows nothing about fair fighting and that I am never going to be THAT depressed to take more abuse from another person.

    I am just not the type of person who can take screaming and name calling.

    Writing this has just make me feel better, knowing I didn't do anything worth being screamed and called a bitch over and over.

    The one thing I have learned is that I will always have my own separate home, so I can always escape in case someone starts to treat me that way. It's a sad and lonely way to live. But it's the only way I can live knowing that if I always maintain my own separate living quarters, I can make the person leave, or I can always come home.

    Just writing this has made me feel better.

    Thanks.

  • stacy

    i am a married woman with three chlidren ,my first chlid is from a previos relationship . my husband only take care of his two chlidren and wants nothing to do with my first chlid , my child is being neglected and mentally abuse by him and his family . when i talk to my husband about this ,he tells me is all in my head . i want out , i will leave him my son is fourtheen years old and i can see he is hurting ,and it is affecting me deeply . i have tried to work this out but unfurtunately my husband can not see what he is doing to my son . my other two children are very loved and get all his attention ,while my other son get no attention from him . ia m currently seeking family counseling for my three chldren . i can not change my husband ,but i can sure move on with my three children ,i dont want to other two kids tothink that this the way for they brother to be treated.

  • d

    Hi where do I begin... I am 30 married for 12 yrs. with 2 kids. I have never really addresses this issue early in my marriage b/c of the thought that it was me. Well, many arguments, tears, fears and heartache I feel that I should explain. There is never a time when he doesn't make me feel like the scum of the earth. I am trying to hide this from my children (I don't want them to become affected) they are little still. Every week he is upset about something, (laundry, sex, money my parenting skils,etc...) I am now in a predicament where I feel dependant on him financially (just bought a business, home). He constantly tells me that he thinks 50% more than anyone, that he is superhuman, and needs intimacy 2 times per day and if that isn't met then he will verbally abuse me, will keep me up all night long by walking out of the house and back in and coming into my room and says he wants to die. He seems serious about it everytime and so I give in. He slaps my arm and says it's because I yell at him, but really I just talk. He sometimes kicks if drunk, but mainly verbal. I don't happy at all and will have crying fits and thoughts of leaving, but too scared to start new again. He says that I don't show him love, but yet when I try he wants only intimacy. It's a horrible situation, (when I talk.. to him it's yelling, when I am quiet he says that his heart is feeling pressed and might have a heart attack, when I try to show love it is considered doing him favor. I can't win, I tip toe around him all the time, worried that one remark will be met with critisism and verbal abuse. I feel soo alone and empty. I am so depressed and he knows it and will not let me see a counselor. He tells me that the medications they give are bad, but I feel it is the only way that I can silently cope with this situation.

  • WL

    Hello D, It's WL from February. Please read mine and then you will have your answer. I know there are always other sides to every story and none of us are perfect, but you need to know that you are in an abusive situation and you need to take care of yourself and your chidren. Please learn your lesson at thirty instead of waiting until you are in your fifties. It only gets worse and it doesn't get better. read Evans on the Vervbally Abusive Relationship. Consult some of the other sites about an exit plan and get moving. I believe you and many others will. It may seem difficult, but you need to do this for you and your children. Your story rings too many alarm bells for me not to respond. It is scarey, but you need to do this and have a good life.

  • Anonymous-29

    Hello I am 20 and my father is so mentally abusive. He is a heavy alcoholic and denies it which is ridiculous. He makes me sick in my heart. He stomps on the floor in the middle of the night and slams doors and it wakes me up. He ignores any meaningful conversation. He doesnt care for my situation. He denies that he is a heavy alcoholic which is ridiculous. He is ALWAYS making silly noises. He has social problems. He acts like a fairy homosexual. He hates women, mexicans, and blacks. He is obsessed with cleaning the house because he literally doesnt know how to do anything else, nor can he think of hardly anything to do. He is greatly mentally wared down from alcohol but denies it. There are literally only about five things he does. He calls me a psycho and a loser. ME? Well this is my "DAD" and I pray that I will be nothing like him nor let his folly effect me. I pray that I can escape someday if I can. It took me a long time to realize this because we all just want to believe so much that our fathers are better than us so that we can have someone to admire. I cant say I want my father to drop dead. But I cant say I like to be around him a lot either. Isnt that odd? Maybe because he is ,still better than other people in my family? Yeah, it's that bad. Mental abuse is hard to accept. It is like brainwash but worse. God will avenge us. God will protect us. When I hear him talk about ignorant things I just go into death death kill kill hate hate mode. He talks but it is all just a joke. A put on. He doesnt know how to help people. He is cold and stupid. He got dropped on the head way way way way too many times. He is like a sick gay giddy arrogant cartoon character. But then demands respect. This is something that is borderline murder to deal with.

  • Double L

    Let me just add a few things that I think can help you through your troublesome times, because it has helped me, with the same exact situation. I am 22 and my father is and has been an alcoholic all of my life, he also denies that he has a problem, it is so bad that he has been arrested multiple times, he has broken bones because of how destructive he is, and I have witnessed every situation that has been going on in my house. I am a believer in jesus christ, he is my everything, my rock, I am nothing without him. When I get into my anger mode, i just take a deep breathe and pray, because jesus says love thine enemies, and when my father is drunk he is definetly my enemy. so my advice to you is to speak to him when he is sober, make sure he knows that you are hurting because of the things he is doing. Sometimes when people are drunk they do not realize that they are doing things to hurt others. he may not even remember what he did or that he drank too much at all. so just take the time to either talk to him and let him know that you are disappointed that you do not have a positive role model in life, and also let him know that you are thinking about leaving him but you don't want to because he is your father and that you love him. Just have faith and believe that he will change, because just know that god does not give us more then we can handle, which means he knows that you are able to conquer this is life, and when you do you will be much stronger and a better person when you get through this. Make an affirmation statement, and believe it! maybe one that says "I believe in my dad to get help" this statement is meant to be opposite of what you really feel to help uplift your spirits on a daily basis. Try and have faith that you will accomplish all things that god puts on your plate, because yet again know with all of your heart god will never leave you or forsake you and that he will never give you too much that you can't handle it. I hope this helps, becasue having faith is the only way that I am a sane person, and remain best friends with my father even though he still slips and falls with his old habits, but no one is perfect but god, and we all have to realize that! Good luck and I will be praying for you!

  • robin

    For my whole life i have been abused by my step dad for as long as i can remember.he is a drinker for his whole and is still till this very day, when i was small he did not like me because i wasn't his child and i can remember him getting my mother drunk all the time and him screaming at me and calling me names. my mom at that time wasn't the best mother because she would drink with him and he would turn her against me.she stop drinking when we moved to another city.i felt so depressed and i did not kow wat to do because i was too scared and if i tried to talk about the way i feel i would get screamed at or get sent to my room.as i grew older i felt little confidence in myself because of my step father, he spank a couple of times but not like beaten half to death, no this was not a phesical abuse, it was mentaly abuse. he like to put me down all the time and my mom would stop it but she could not control him. at school was the worst place for me, i would always be the quite one because i was shy and be hiding from everyone. i did not have the best clothing but it was all my parents could afford and i would always be the joke to everyone else either for my looks,clothes,hair,and the way i speak. till this day im still this way. i geuss my step farther took it on me because of his childhood life, his farther abandoned him when he was a kid and he had to take care of his mom and quit school.i feel sorry him. but he makes me feel like i do not want live anymore. i am teenager that is in high school right now, and i have a girlfriend that does not believe me wat i have to deal everyday at school.people call me alot names everywhere i go, people that i don't even know. i just ignored them but it is getting hard to do it everydey now and i want to fight back but if i do i could get suspended or in big trouble because i am 18 years old and i could go to jailed or to court because i am now an adult and trying to get a job at the forensic department. i do not know who to turn to my family tells me to ignore them and so do my friends and my own girlfriend does not bilieve me wat im going through.i need help bad before i cant control myself and just loose it. i am asking anyone please anyone help overcome this big difficulty part of my life.

  • edel

    i was married to a creep for ten years.i concieved my five kids by been raped all the time. i left him and vowed never to put myself through that again..then i met my current boyfriend who everyone praises for takeing on 5 kids andlooking after us all.in my familys eyes he is wonderful.but the reality is so different..he cheated on me a few times,went missing for days on end,drank all the food money.raped me a couple of times..treated my kids like crap.i had to sign one of my kids into foster care for his own safty.im afraid to tell my family what a bully he is.im afraid that they will look down on me again and call me a failure..allthough he has never hit me the mental abuse can be really bad.he really is like jackel and hyde because when he is sober he is a different person..were togeather now 15 years and have 2 more kids who by the way are treated so much better than my other kids.i want to leave but have no where to go.no money no job.my kids asked me loads of times to leave him,but its so easy to say your going to do it and one day everything would be so much better and we will be rid of him but with nowhere to go its feels like its just a fantasy..i wish my kids happiness and love for there futures.i feel the longer i stay im letting him damage my kids even more but with no where to go i dont know what to do....anyone can email me with a comment. edelhamilton@msn.com

  • Sarah

    I understand some of what you're going through. I was made fun of horribly whe I went to school, and although I wasn't abused at home, the ridicule at school was horrible. I ended up being so withdrawn, they thought I was being abused at home. And it might seem unrelated, but I was recently diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism, which makes it very difficult to deal with things, to the point of thinking that I had an anxiety disorder. I went through most of school building up so many defenses that I was so removed from myself, and felt at times like I was a failure, and wondered why I couldn't make friends, and why I was being singled out in School.

    I've been married for a few years, and am in an abusive relationship. Thanks to this website, and others like it, I have been able to see thesebehaviours, and that I am not wrong for feeling bullied, that it's not ridiculous for feeling how I do when my husband gets uncontrollably upset and angry.

    All of these horrible things that happened to you, Robin, they are real things that can make life very difficult, but they don't have to define you. Your family doesn't sould like they've helped you so far, but I would try one more time to reach them, and if that doesn't work, find help elsewhere, either with a support group, or with the support of friends that believe how things are for you, because you need to be doubted by anyone for how you feel.

    I firmly believe that things will turn around for you soon, especially if you are able to get out of that environment, and maybe finding people that are more supportive will help you see that you have everything to live for, and if you find things to be confident with, things to be proud of, which I understand wholly how difficult that can be, and you get some distance from the horrible situation that you've been put into,you will see things more clearly

  • kellymarie

    A lot of people just assume that verbal abuse doesn't hurt at all... I'd rather be physically abused though. I'm 14. Although my father's temper has gotten better, he used to scream horrible things at me as a child. I can't forget it. He would cuss, swear, throw things at me, and call me horrible names...all because my room was messy. He still gets mean sometimes. Especially to me. My 18 year old sister agrees that he yells at me the most. I don't understand it. I'm the only child in my family to get good grade. I get 1st Honors. I am taking 3 languages, I try hard in school and sports, I take violin lessons. It's never enough.

    I realized at an early age that this treatment wasn't normal. I spent countless hours on a painting, and I was very proud of it, but when I showed it to him he said it was ugly, and if he ever saw it again he would throw it away. He's always putting me down, and now even my little brother says he can't wait until I move out.

    I don't even bring friends to my house anymore. And my parents wonder why. My friends don't know about the abuse. I don't want to tell them. I feel like I should be able to put it behind me... I mean, it's not as bad as it used to be, but I can't forget...

    I've been getting very depressed lately. Haven't been eating, sleeping, talking. Haven't been playing the sports I love. Been feeling worthless. Nobody had noticed though... I've done a good job hiding it...

    How can I tell my mom I'm depressed and want help?

  • Rex

    hi, im 20 year old male, i find it really difficult to show love and affection to people, i just cant do it, and it turns potential partners away, my childhoos was bad i was beaten and verbally abused a lot, and i was never shown love by my parents, maybe thats the cause?

  • steph

    i am 20 years old and my whole life (without realizing it) my parents were mentally and verbally abusing me. It makes me so angry because they treated me so badly. if i asked them for any kind of favour i was yelled at and made to feel insanely guilty. They always accused me of being lazy and told me i would never do anything with my life, they said the best I could amount to would be working at mcdonalds. Any time anything went wrong in our household, it was automatically my fault, even if my older sister did something, it somehow came back to me i was constantly singled out. if i argued with my parents, they played mind games with me, so that no matter what i said, i couldnt be right, even if i was right. they were more concerned about being right and making themselves feel better, than actually supporting me and showing me love. they never said 'i love you' and they only ever gave me things that they were done using or had gotten for free (even birthday and christmas gifts). The worst was that they accused me of taking them for granted. This was terrible because i tried so hard to do everything for them and that they wanted, and i NEVER asked them for much. When i did ask the answer was always the same "you dont appreciate us, you expect us to do everything for you! you are so selfish" but they are my parents, and i feel like parents should want to help and support you.

    For years this caused me to have absolutely no self esteem, i was in such a deep depression and i didnt realize it, because that is how i have always felt because i was always treated this way, i didnt know any better. I suffered from severe guilt, i still feel that things are my fault alot of the time. I also felt like I would never be able to achieve anything because they had always told me how stupid I was... and I believed it.

    Thankfully though, I met my amazing boyfriend, someone who supports me and actually loves me as I am. For once in my life I am actually experiencing real love. My boyfriend helped me to realize that I am good enough as I am, that I am smart and I am beautiful. I feel like I dont have to be ashamed of being myself anymore, and that I can achieve great things.

    My relationship with my parents now is very strange. I live with my boyfriend, so i am not subjected to their anger on a daily basis. They call about once every two weeks to talk to me and its strange, but they actually seem to care ALOT more now than they used to, for example they dont constantly put me down anymore. however, as soon as I am back home visiting them, the abuse begins again and whats worse, my sister has started mentally abusing me aswell. My parents still dont seem to care about events in my life and refuse to engage in any type of meaningful conversation involving our relationship . if I tell them, they simply stop listening and 'zone out', which makes me feel like I dont matter at all to them. If I talk to them about my feelings they either zone out or get VERY angry. like they go from happy to screaming and almost hitting me. I'm starting to distance myself from my family now and i think its working. I'm currently in my 3rd year of university and getting straight A's. I realized I can rely on myself, I dont need their love or approval to be the person I was meant to be.


    Anyway! thanks for reading. Was anyone else singled out as a child? I still have questions about why this happened to me.

  • Melisa

    hi there, my name is melisa and i'm 15 living in london. when i was 6 years old, my mother left my father becuase he was a physical abuser. well, mental and physical. i'de rather not go into it.....when she left, she took me along and we met this man, his name was Klaus. he was kind, caring, and he took me and raised me like his own. he was stern, not affectionate, but he was understanding of the situation. so we moved from californina to new york to start out lives again. my mom had not had a proper education, therefore she couldn't raise me on her own. anyway, over the years, they grew in love and we moved to the suburbs of New Jersey. those where such happy times. then my mom was pregnant with my 1st little sister, Sevanna. that year, they got married 2 days after the divorce papers went through. i was ten. 3 years later, in england, my second little sister was born. *Olivia* anyway, all was well and happy, (oh and we moved to england because of my step dad's work) so we were happy and cool, but then my dad started getting more more stressed, and what used to be a small arguement once or twice every 2 months, turned into a weekly shouting contests. my step dad has turned into a cold, heartless, and selfcentered man whom almost every night now comes home to abuse my mom and me. he calls her names that degrades her and makes her feel worthless. she would cry every night and dread him coming home. my dad decided that he wants to build a house, so my mom had some great bathroom ideas. i was on my computer last night and he just all of a sudden exploded. they were fighting in the next room, with my little sister playing. i took Sevanna and went to put her in bed. then as i walked out of the room, she said "Melisa? when will mommy and daddy stop shouting? i can't sleep when they do that........" i'm telling you now that i couldn't stop sobbing outside her room. this 4 year old little girl has to deal with somthing a 15 year old can't bear to think about. they have to grow up in this hell hole with no means of escape. anyway, back to my story, i went down stairs all puffy eyed, and they were still ranting. but the strange part was that whenever mom made a point, step dad would shoot her down saying she's a "stupid whore who is nothing more than a house keeper..."

    you have no idea how that made me feel.. my mom has to endure this everynight. and its not just her that get the abuse, its me and Sevanna aswell. we just can't fight back. all i'm asking is if anyone knows how to deal with somone like this. reasoning, bribing, and anything else civil is nothing to him. i can't make him feel bad, cause he doesn't give a crap. somone please help me. i can't stand this anymore. this has been going on for 2 long years. please. help.

    sincerly yours,

    Melisa

  • Anonymous-30

    i was a healthy and happy 11 year old, and up until this age i had a very close relationship with my mother (so i thought). but i guess looks are the most important thing to her. pressuring me to lose weight and be "perfect". calling me fat and disgusting while i was going through puberty. being left at school with no ride home because you're told that you need to walk, you need the exercise, you're gross. from my young age and up i always felt that i was worth nothing if i wasn't blonde and thin. it had been wired into my brain that this was the only way for me to be worth anything, if you don't have looks, you're nothing. when i was 12 years old i began to force myself to vomit after every meal, and workout until i felt like i was going to faint. i would starve myself for days, it made me feel like i was achieving something. while in this state being called fat and worthless doesn't exactly help. i felt so alone and scared. i felt like everything wrong was my fault. i attracted everyones negative energy because i was made into believing that i was always at fault. im glad my suicicidal attempts did not lead towards death. now at 20 years old i am finally starting to realize that i am a good person and i am worth something, and looks don't make you who you are. my advice is to get out, as fast as you can, and never go back. don't let anybody define YOU.

  • Kelsey

    I'm Kelsey and I'm 13 years old. My mother is my abuser. She constinaly picks fights with me so she can overpower me, make feel useless, and make me cry. She can always find something wrong with me. I'm always called Lazy, Useless, Disrespectfull, and a Liability. I'm occasionally slapped across the face and have been tackled once or twice. She has told me the she hates me, I ruined her life, and I ruined her family. She has called me a hatefull little bitch. She has also thretned to send me to militaly school and boot camp. She makes up horrible lies about my father and trys to makes me hate him. I'm always grounded for something and I am always crying when I'm around her. She's thretned to beat me because I got C and has told me to pack up and get out of her house. She only stopped me 5 feet from the door and then didn't even say sorry. I feel like the only way to get out of this is to move in with my father but I'm afraid to tell anyone whats shes doing except my father, his side of the family, and my best friend Jenny. I need help, I need to get out. I'm with my father on vacation and I can't stand the thought of going back, it makes me sick. I am always sick with an illness the day before I go back because of my nerves, they actually give me sicknessess. What should I do? I can't stay there. Please give me advise.

  • Amelia

    Hi everyone! I'm a 31 year old woman that has a daughter thats 2. I could relate to almost all the stories here and it hurts my feelings to hear the same what i've gone through myself and also STILL till this contending with. My parents have been verbally/mentally/physically abusive to me since i've been in my teen's. as of now it's still the mental and verbal end, they even have started to call my daughter when she was 6 months old a B*&**! It's to the point were my daughter is going to learn to talk and maybe some day question them why their calling her mommy names like ( Village Idiot,Hillbilly,no good mom,B*&**,ect..) I would never do anything like that to my own daughter, My family likes to hold grudges and keep bringing things up that have happened in the past.. I know what this girl is going through that has a topic here mental and verbal abuse~ ~

    sounds similair to what i'm STILL going through these days with them, I'm the older sister, my younger sister is the Golden Child that does nothing wrong and is never treated the way they treat me! When u have a boy friend or visa versa that can love u for who u are and to boost your self esteem and make u happy. Take it as a compliment! have confidence in yourself! U don't need ANYONE including your own parents to put u down constantly, stick to the one's that love u dearly! I'm happy that i don't have misserable people around me anymore to remind me of the past or just to make them feel better to call me names, I'm 100% more functionable with out them in my life!!

    I'm happy that i have my Boy Friend that makes me feel like I'm loved and cared about, and also I'm very glad that since my daughter can't talk yet or comprehend what's going on just yet, Not to deal with any kind of hurt like that of what i went through! May all u find someone that loves u, cause any kind of abuse is NOT LOVE and shouldn't have to live with any of that~

  • dakota

    i grew up with a dad that was an alcoholic, smoked pot and emotionally abused my mom. sometimes he'd walk out on us for months leaving us with no money for food. my mom has a chronic illness and is on so much medication sometimes she doesn't even know where she is. she emotionally and psychologically abuses me and will change her mood so easily that i'm constantly scared i will say or do the wrong thing to set her off. when i stayed at my dad's flat one time when i was about 4, all his guy friends were drunk and doing drugs and in the night i was molested. as far back as i remember my dad's dad sexually abused me. some bits i don't remember, or i'll only remember the beginning, but i remember being raped twice. it ended when i was 9. my parents got divorced when i was 11 (finally!) and when i was 12 i went on holiday with him and my little brother and sister. he got drunk ever night and i had to look after my siblings, and one night he sexually assaulted me and i thought he was going to rape me. to this day he emotionally abuses me, ignoring me, saying he doesn't want to see me, telling me ho ungrateful, spoiled etc i am, when we have so little money to be spoiled with anyway. i always have to look after my mom because she's emotionally incapable of doing it herself (sometimes physically - she's had 3 major surgeries since i was 9, and guess who looked after her once she was out of hospital). when i was 15 she met her boyfriend who at first was nice, but after a while started emotionally and psychologically abusing me. threatening to beat me, and undress me etc etc. he also made explicit statements about me sexually that made me super uncomfortable. i'm now going to college in another country but my little brother and sister are still there. even though i got it the worst for some reason, i don' want them to ever get hurt. and i don't know what to do about it. all my life i've protected them from my parents screaming and throwing things at each other, and i feel so selfish that i have just abandoned them. what do i do?

  • Mieke

    My name is Mieke and I am 15 years old. I live in Suffolk, Englad with my mother and father. My father and I have a great relationship but my mother is the problem.

    My mother verbally abuses me, calling me stupid and saying that I olnly ever use my brain for thinking about boys and trivial things like that. She says that I haven't got a care in the world for anyone else and that I always put myself first, which is not true. She controls my life and I'm unable to think for myself because she's always dimsmissing my ideas as Worthless and Dumb. She always picks fights with me and always accuses me of things like raising my voice and knocking things off surfaces when she's the one that did it. She also calls me irresponsible and unable to make my own decisions she once told me that she thought I was going to die young and she hoped it would happen soon because I hadn't an ounce of responsibility inside me.

    She also controls what I do in school. She tried to pick my GCSEs and now shes trying to pick my A Levels and university as well. She won't let me do anything and says I am being very rude whenever I try to put in my input. My father can't do anything, she has too much power and she calls both of us worthless and frequently tells me that I shouldn't have been born.

    If you have any advice on how to cope then can you contact me on theaterfrek@googlemail.com please.

  • Alison

    I have been married for almost 30 years. Like all marriages they change over time. The reality of the change has become almost intolerable....The loss of intamacy...The cruel and this is his favorite word... hateful way he treats me. I recently stubed a toe and broke it. He asked me if my boss went easy on me....then told me he was starved and needed to eat...what the hell is that!? Did he not think I was in need of some help or magically I was all better since I was home. He always wants me to take care of business ie: pay bills,clean house,work,and not bother him with the details. Well he started a new job and wanted me to take care of the benefits enrollment....which I did. Today the package came in and the first word out of his mouth was.."Oh I see you made yourself the beneficiary......" Shocked I replied I could change it and he sarcastically said he was joking. Well I not joking I want out of this lousy job cause thats all it is!

  • Anonymous-31

    I'm writing this today to merely purge the resentment and anger I still hold for my parents.

    I'm a 22 yr old female who thankfully is no longer within the grasp of my mentally ill parents.

    As a young child my life was ideal -- ideal of course in the eyes of a child. Then at the age of twelve my life shifted. My grandmother passed away which tore apart something within my mother I will never truly be able to understand. Shortly after, she began to sabatoge anyone and everyone who was near.

    During this time my parents searched in dyer need to find a way in which they thought they could heal themselves. There healer was the lifestyle of swinging. I can remember going to random people's houses for "sleepovers" and being forced to sit in the living room of a stranger and play with their kids -- meanwhile hearing strange noises coming from another room (noises a naive twelve year old did not comprehend). This was in fact only the introduction of the chaos to come.

    Also I should mention as it will become important later -- my mother met another man through swingin that she had fallen in love with who became my stepfather for a period in my life. This man moved in a few days after my father left our home.

    As the divorce ran its course I was used as a mediator between both sides. I heard horror stories about my father (molestion/insest/etc). During this turbulent times I was forced to repeat and question my father on this so called truths. My mother attempted to have my father institutionalized stating he was mentally unstable which in fact may have been true, yet my mother was far more damaging.

    Another moment that haunts me to this day is the image of stuffing butterknifes in the doorjam in fear my dad would return to the home - which in fact he did one night. Awaking from being asleep I can still see the image of my father humming a tune under his voice with tears streaming across his face all along with a camera by his side snapping photographs of "evidence" he could later use in court.

    Also another monent I can remember is the trivial fighting between my parents on which items would go to who. My mother ending up keeping the house/car/furnishings... all except for the coffee tables. Later that night my mother decided to have the three of us (inc my stepfather) give the furnishings back. Ironically there were chains in the back of the truck which seemed to be a perfect tool for my mother to drag the belongings of my father's behind the vehicle on a dirt road before returning.

    As time passed the arguements between my parents subsided. My mother still deranged and anger needed a new person to focus her attention on. These is the point where she focused her attention on me. To be honest this is where the memories become more foggy. Maybe I'm less willing to remember what she was capable of doing to me. Certain memories still hold strong though.

    Around the age of fifteen or sixteen my bestfriend's mother passed. For the funeral my mother let my borrow a skirt of hers. Unforunately the string broke off and required sewing. Upon returning I chaned into a new shirt I had bought with money from working. In her manic state she became beligerant and furious that I had no respect for peoples belongings and she "would show no respect to mine!". She chased me around the house with a pair and scissors and proceeded to cut the shirt right off of me while I restisted and fought back.

    I remember that anything I owned in that home was not safe. Pictures/mirrors/television/computer became smashed out the 3rd floor apartment window in fits of rage. Hands would swing on daily basis. Police were called -- manipulations were made that I was an unfit and untruly teenager. I remember on several accounts as well that my mother would fly off the handle on none-sense things and kick me out. Someones out of the house in my pj's in minus 40 degree Canadian weather. Other times she would take it as her mission to drop me off at Teen Emergency shelters (which were occupied by meth addicts and child prosititutes). Also coming home to my mom lying in bed (eyes rolled back inthe head) with a bottle and a note beside the table -- on several different occasions.

    As time passed my father moved across the country (6,000km) away. During one of my trips there I met a group of amazing friends. Feeling the grass must be greener on the other-side I decided to pack up and move away. Shortly after my father decided to relocate back to where we were both originally from. So I was left to my own devices in a far away land!

    Unfortunately during this time things became worse back home with my mother and stepfather. As I explained earlier my mother is a person with boundless anger and frustration and her next victim was my stepfather himself. Despite the way in which they met -- my stepfather was a man of good intentinos, strong heart, and the desire to please others. His biggest fault in fact was the love he had for my mom. Also after I left my mom's health deteriorated. She began hospitalized and it proceeded with an amputation/painkillers/physiotherapy. As the abuse and medical probems carried on my stepfather became more ridiculed, abused, and belittled. Prior to the abuse I must admit my stepfather did dabble in cocaine on a leasurely basis. Yet as the abuse worsened the cocaine became an escape. With the manipulation and lies he took it upon himself to escape from my mother for good. He was found a few days later alone in his apartment of a drug overdose.

    This haunts me more than anything. Your mother: the person who should be your sole protector and mentor has the capacity to push someone so low that the victim can see death as a better option than life? I'm sorry but I'll never comprehend how one human being can do that to another.

    Well before I get carpal-tunnel from my "purging" hmmmm...

    As for the move it was the best choice I have made in the entire life. I'm now entering university with a scholarship and I have the most amazing boyfriend and support systen surrounding me. My life has never been so optimistic and peaceful and I hope to only move forward from these experiences and not let them haunt and mold me.

    I have to say its been almost five years since moving away and guilt is my demise. I have a contant fear of my abondament to her -- yet I know that I'm only being unrational. Thus being the most difficult yet rewarding decision in my life.

    Thanks for the ability to vent! ppphheeewww! cheers! =)

  • Anonymous-32

    My new husband joes around and calls me crazy, confused and cracked in fron of his kids and my kids. Is this s sign in the near future of mental abuse?

  • Helen Revell

    I'm ashamed to admit to the extent of the mental abuse I have endured, I am a victim of physical abuse as well, but I dont even have to tell anyone about it for it to be seen, and it has become evident to all those around me, and if I say something about myself they think, oh well she's just trying to get sympathy, and if I dont say anything, like you really should'nt have to , then the mental abuse continues from then people you dont even know. like you dont even deserve to b e treated with respect and dignity just because you cant do all the things they do.

  • chelsea davey

    this day i was sitting down stairs on my laptop when my mums boyfriend came in steve well he was sitting down and i went the toilet when i noticed my dog jake was on my mums bed so i went to see him after my wee and noticed he had weeed on my mums bed so thinking that they were going out cuz it was saturday i got 2 cups of water and frew it on the bed and added some shampoo i thought it would be dry in the morning so i went downstairs and told my nan what i had done she said well it will be dry.Next minuite they wernt going out because my uncle and auntie was comeing so i paniced and then the day went to night and every1 was drunk so then steve fell asleep on the chair and my uncle dared me to frow a edd at his head i did that then he thoiught it was my mum and threw the egg shell at her and she threw a egg at him and he go my t.shit and wiped all the egg off and he wiped it off with my new cushions then he went to bed and it all went bad because as i went up stairs i notice wet patches on my bed i thought it was my dog untill i smelt it and noticed it was human wee i then came down stairs and told every1 and i was so upset and reallly hurt :( then he called me ugly and a freak and called my dad a pedo and i got really upset help me what can i do :( and my mum wont belive me she said that i weeed on my own bed :( help me how can i make her belive me and its not like he is a big man he is a ginger and he has all scabs on him and he is very ugly please help me before my dad smashes his ugly face in

  • Madeline

    My name is Maddie and I'm 17. My mental illnessess (severe depression and anxiety) began when I was about 12. My parents were and are alcoholics and my eldest brother (he's 11 years older than me) verbally, mentally and on occasions physically abuses me.

    I have way too many problems to vent about, so I'll talk about the most recent issue going on.

    My eldest brother is 11 years older than me. He dropped out of med school. So, until he got back on his feet he stayed at my house with me and my parents. It has been 18 months and he is still here. Every day he puts me down, belittles me, plays aweful mind games and target's my weaknessess. Its so bad that one social worker and one psychologist wanted to call child protective services. My parents made me stop seeing them so they could keep their golden boy.

    My parents see it and do nothing about it. They even on occasion join in. Because I'm the one with the depression and anxiety i'm their mental punching bag.

    I know I am not going into great detail, but if there is anyone who can talk to me, or if anyone has any advice please talk to me. Modsquad2020@aol.com.

    Thank you,

    Maddie

  • Anonymous-33

    I am 23 and have a 5 year old daughter. My partner died about four years ago and I am living with his parents. My mother-in-law *for lack of a better word) is very hard to live with. She often makes rude comments about me and they way I acted, like when I have small portions of food she says in front of my daughter and her husband " mommys not eattting cause she is on a diet" in a really sarcastic and often hurtful tone. She makes me feel bad about seeing my firends and new partner. She doesn't allow me to have friends over. I recently got a new job after uni that doesn't pay that well but is a good step in the door, my father-in-law was really pleased but my mother in law seemed angry at me and stormed out. I often find that she refuses to talk to me and get in a real bad mood with me. I sometimes go to my new partner house with my dauthger to get away but dread coming back becuse of the mood she will be in. She paid for my uni and has supported my daughter and I am I feel guilty and wish I had say no four years ago for the offer. I want to make her happy and feel obligated to be the best I can because she has paid so much to educate me and help out, but I feel traped and lonely with no where to turn.

    I just don't know anymore weather it is me or weather I deserves this.

  • katie

    I am so confused and scared in regaurds to my current relationship. What I would like to know is if their has been or is any type of abuse going on. If there is I would like to find a support group to help me work through this.

    this story might be a bit legnth sorry but giving complete information helps elimonate bad assumptions. Any way we have been together for 10 years now. I had three sons and he had one daughter. now together we have one daughter. My husband whom I will call blue, had an extremely nightmareish homelife from growing up in the chaos and neglect that was his lif. When Blue and I first got together I couldn't even disagree on a car color with him beacuse he would just go off the deepend about how we can't be together cause we don't even like the same color on a car. Just somethings like that. He also a control freak and demanded to have an absoult say in the lives of my child oldest being 5 at the time. I on the ohter hand was not allowed to have any kind of say concerning his daughter at all. I couldn't even tell her to play nice if she was hitting another child. He screamed daily. screamed about anything and everything. Screamed cause the kids had to potty in the middle of the night, screamed cause the kids played in the house, screamed when I let my kids go and play with my family, screamed I tryied to clean the house (this man had PILE and PILES and PILES of crap everywere counld see the floor, bed ro table) so i quit cleaning then he would scream about me not cleaning. He would tell us to do something like only use the backdoor and so we would use only the back door. Explaining that for no reason is the front door to be used. come home one day to find he has piled up some work supplies over the back door.it would seem like this a simple answer use the front door or carefully move the items off to the side of the door. In this case both answer are wrong. It is like their is nothing nothing at the kids and I can do right. Because of his constant contradictions we have know idea what we are suppose to be doing with anything in our lives such studpid things like couch cushions. we put them on one way and freaks out because they were put on in an uncomforatable way. why can't he just adjuct the pillow on his back-truely nothing to get angry about.

    I feel like I have more a parent child relationship with than a married one. He yells at me about everything and says he is trying to :"push" me because I can do so much more. but he is relentless never wants to know why i am not doing the things he thinks I should but drones on for hours about how I am screwing it all by graduated collage a year late, how could not drive my self to finsh two years earlier, do you know what kind of finanial hurt we are in now. I am paying for your college and every year we owe more and are just sitting there. You could have beed done over a year ago but for what ever reason you slowed down. Suckit up woman get it done. this what he tells me nearly everyday about my college. oh and I bust my ass for this family and I am the only ones. the boys all just to go play and you, drag your feet on graduation because your scared. Taht is the stupidist thing I have heard. Youll do just fine - just do it already or get the hell off the pot already it's been two years (the degree is a 4 year degree and I will graduate a year early)

    He asks question like are so sad, are you mad at me or is this about school? I try to answer him honestly and tell him that he hurt my feelings or found something that was said offensive and that I feel scared to share my emotions and that whey I start to I often feel chasisted for it and oh boy then he really starts yelling and carring on about how everthing is always his fault that doesn't bottle things in cause it is unhealthy for him and I need to let this stuff go cause since he went to therapy he is better and I just never give him a chance to show he is different. Then I say I just was trying to talk to you about it. and they it is turned around into how I am holding his past against him and allowing him to growand blblblblb

    anyway does this sound like abuse or is this just normal marital problems?

  • GayAnon

    He can be so sweet and caring and everybody sees this and they all love him. But every four months, like clockwork, he goes insane. He calls me bad names. He makes false accusations against me. He takes away our car, my cell phone, tells me not to use his electricity at home (I own the home). I call the cops and he tells them that I'm the one acting up - they see our gay relationship as a joke and leave, completely believing him. He's started lashing out against my family. I'm tough, most people don't believe that I'm gay. I could never hit him or hurt him the way he hurts me. I feel so unloveable and ugly. He went to see a psychologist for what he did to me last week she made him write it all down confession-style and sign it. He promises to change this time, just like last time. Now he's sweet again and acting like nothing ever happened. I'm the one still holding a grudge and I'm still hurting.

  • candy

    i am 19 years old and i have a boyfriend who is 22 yrs old. its been a year and a month that we are going on together. i was really happy or i forced myself to b happy i dont know.... but i really loved this man.... he kept tellin things that i thought meant good for me... 1. things like avoid these ppl, 2. dress up like this, 3. walk like this, talk like this.... these things went on for sometime... until i found myself friendless and no one to confide in.... and the only people i spoke to was 2 of his friends, (a)one seemed to nod his head n accept all that i say and the other(b) kept putting me down... a fight broke out between me and (b) when i asked for his help to patch things up between me and my guy wen we had a terrible fight.... and he(b) told me over phone that he would never want to see my f****** face again.... and he told my guy that i am a worthless waste of time and he was just wasting his life with a girl like me..... after that (b) and me lost contact and we never met..... i maintained contact with (a) only who i thought was the only living creature i can go and let my feelings out and cry too instead of wailing by myself alone....

    Very soon my guy came to know about me confiding my problems to his friend (a) and ordered me not to talk to him.... Frequent fights occur when usually he ends up callin me bitch, and that he would love to slipper me and kill me in the middle of the road and he would love to strangle me, and certain things i am ashamed to let it out publically.... by this i got angry and out of sheer frustration n vexation i called him a bastard for the first time after 10 months of relationship..... very often he reminds me of this and makes me feel guilty.... he always shows me other beautiful girls and tells me that i have to dress up like them and have skin like them which i used to have before..... i lost my self esteem.... when i go out with him(rarely) he shows faces to me, rolls his eyes and asks me why am i dressed like shit???.... every inch of my body aches....

    I love my guy, he is everything to me, he had a very bad childhood and so did I. and in the earlier stages of our relationship we promised eachother that if we got married and had kids we will be there for them 24/7...

    now i am literally over consumed with depression, i resolve myself into constant crying and in frustration and anger i broke my finger, hit my head couple of times in the wall... i try taking sleeping pills everyday but i am not able to sleep, its 2:15am here and i am havin tears poring out while i am writing this. and cause of my constant crying i get asthma attacks and fevers sometime heaviness and pain in the chest, and severe stomach problems. i am ruing my health...... i will be greatful and thankful all my life to the person who can help me out.... candyolls@yahoo.co.in is my email..... pls someone tell me how can i change him and also adapt myself to him.... i need him... i cant imagine a life witout him.... i want him to love me... someone pls help me!!!

  • Anonymous-34

    Dear Friend, Candy....

    We are experiencing this the same. Do not think you can change him, it will never happen. Who is going to change is you getting more depressed, hopeless and ashamed of your self and your self steem will go down a lot. I've been in an abusive relationship for more than 4 years now...It never got better...He controlled my every moves. Listening to my conversations over the phone, checking my emails, imposing me what to were and critisizing me for every single thing I would do, and lots and lots of more things I never deserved. I know that it's too hard to leave him, because your self steem is down because of what he did to you and now the only rhing can heal you is him. I'm experiencing the same thing....I didn't notice my self confidenced has been lowered a lot that I couldn't leave him. There should be a stop. non of us deserve such behaviors and you have to help yourself. You've been mentally abused despite you didn't know. Please get help immediatley before it gets too late. Talk to a counselor so they show you the ways. You do not deserve this.

    YZ.

  • Anonymous-35

    i need help, seeking out of my parents custody.i am now living with my dad and things seem to get better but then never does he tries to put on a front and be nice at times to get me to think hes not mad. Verbal abuse is being done, he yells at me for no reason then ten min. latter yells about the same thing, he goes over and over it till i snap and yell back, its almost like im being forced to do this. psychological abuse is being done, he not only yells but he messes with my head and says that we are doing things then never can, he has pressed charges on me i get blamed for him getting fired from the last two jobs he had, i have a medical condition which he keeps up with, but my teeth and girl stuff he doesnt....im 15 will be 16 soon i got pulled away from my mom because she couldnt give me medical attetion shes a lot better now and my dad has only gotten wrose in the past two years. he wont just give me up without a fight i have good grades and am very mature for my age i seek help praying that someone will answer me and help me into seeing what can be done!!!!!

    thanks, ashlynn.

  • Dulce

    I'm 21 right now and I'm still getting jabbed at from my family. But I've learned how to control it better. What I mean is the way I respond. That's what really matters it also makes me feel so much better. It helps prove that I'm really not what my family tries to make me feel that I am.

    I have a twin sister but yet I've always been the one that my family would pick on the most. I know that for kids it's "normal" for siblings to be mean to each other but this would just go overboard. The biggest problem wasn't my brothers and sister, it was my mom. My dad never really talked to me or any of us. He always kept his distance ( and I mean distance!). My mom would bully me around telling me that my nose was too big and that when I'd grow up she would do surgery on it. She would always make me feel as if I were ugly.

    When my brothers and sister (older sister) would bully me around, I would cry and even if it were in front of my parents they wouldn't do anything about it. Only when I started fighting back(which was when I was about 7 or 8) was when my parents would intervene and chastise ME! I would always be the one that was wrong. Growing up my parents and siblings would say that I had an anger problem. That I was rebellious which was pretty weird because I was always trying to do the right thing. When I would talk to my mom about something like my feelings she would start screaming at me and sometimes she would say that I wasn't her daughter. When I would defend myself from my siblings she would scream at me and call me names and scare me by hitting the wall. When I was around 6 She would physically abuse me as well but I don't know why she stopped. But she did keep on mentally and verbally abusing me. I never learned to do anything for myself because I was supposedly too stupid to make any decisions whatsoever. Everything everyone would tell me I believed. I really thought I was a bad person. I really thought I was an angry person when I really wasn't. I had the lowest self esteem anyone could have. When I got engaged, my mom said that he was the only man that would ever want to marry me. Whenever I would talk to my older sister and tell her how I felt, like telling her that I was picked on and didn't like how she and everyone else treated me she would say that I would just make something bigger than it really was. Even my twin sister didn't believe that my mom would pick on me. Until I got married and moved out, my mom started picking on my twin. She would come crying to me and tell me how my mom would be towards her. By the way, I was always the one that defended my sister from everyone and everything. So it really hurt me when she started telling me that what my mom did to me she was doing to her. Anyway, she's married now as well and away from the family. I keep on going back and visiting them because I still have hope that I can be a good influence and that we can leave the past behinde us. Though they sometimes say things again. But I try to keep my cool and have a discussion with them instead of a fight. Hopefully they'll see one day what kind of a person I really am and not who they think I am. Sorry I wrote so much, I tried to write as little as possible. I definetely held back, but any comments are welcome.

  • Anonymous girl

    Lately it's been getting worse. My mother does ZERO to listen to me, and my father's so far pulled in fear that he constantly vouches for her. I'm pretty young (middle school), and I even know that this IS NOT RIGHT.

    First off, she asks me what's the matter if I look like I'm not feeling well. I admit I do have a problem with absences but it would be cut in HALF if she didn't walk off in the middle while I'm trying to answer her question with a 'Well, you're going to school anyway!' or a 'Suck it up' and/or 'Get over it'. Today I wanted to stay home for at least half the day because I have my period (which my perscription for the cramps isn't doing anything) and basically she cusses at me, calls me a titty-baby, and walks off. This happens every time I try to tell her something is wrong. It also happened when I had pneumonia a few years back, and my dad is basically the only reason I got to the doctor.

    She is constantly 'downing' on me. Every single morning while I'm getting ready for school. See, I flat-iron my hair (it's a style), and because I have really curly hair, sometimes, at my scalp, it kind of pushes down and makes the flat ironed part push out. Mind you, I can fix it, but she says, while I'm trying to fix it, that it looks like I'm wearing 'a f---ing grease cap'. I say I'm trying to fix it so she won't bug me about it, but then goes on to pick about how 'It's not her favorite' or something along those lines.

    She bugs me about my shirts (which, might I add, are camp shirts that I bought with my money or my grandparents were nice enough to buy me) saying she doesn't like the color and it makes me look gothic. (It's a friggin' blue t-shirt with a cross with the camp's name (it was a Christian camp! )). I have about four or so good t-shirts i can wear and one dress shirt.

    I can't remember the last time I had a good time with her without her making a comment that completely just ruined it. She says 'I love you' about once a week or so but it's like she doesn't mean it, and she acts like she doesn't care. And my dad just goes along with it, too scared /he'll/ get in trouble.

    I'm afraid to invite my new friends over because, honestly, I'm afraid she might scare them off by yelling at me or throwing one of her pseudo-fits.

    Once, in her fits, I was about eight, I was getting a spanking with a belt because I had misbehaved. She said she was going to hit me three times with the metal part on the but and did about ten. I swear to God I am not joking, I really need some help, but I don't know who to go to. I don't really have anyone to tell. Sometimes she gets really angry and starts hitting me. Only lately have I been brave (or stupid) and actually stood my ground (which didn't really help).

    Which reminds me, once she starts constantly picking at something, I'll try and walk away because I am usually too mad to say anything. I close my room door and ask her to 'please leave me alone' ( I am not exaggerating, I really, honestly, did ask her nicely, but if you ask her, you'll get the opposite story) but she followed me and kept yelling. Then she wonders why I'm red in the face! Needless to say my father wasn't home, which is how it usually goes.

    I cry about five times a week.

    I'm a good kid, though, it's not like I cut, or talk back too badly, or rebel. But, I haven't been doing so great in math, which she takes the liberty to constantly and basically call me stupid for getting a low grade in math. I scored a 20 on the ACT last year (it was through a program that lets gifted students see what it's like), so is a bad grade in math really that bad? Please?

    The reason I'm home today is because I called my dad in a last ditch attempt because she made me so miserable that I was literally breaking down in tears in my classes. My mother hates it when I call him for anything, using the excuse that he works too far away, when his boss shows up about once a week. I'm stuck in the office for an hour because my father can't get it through his head that I really don't want to talk about my family problems over the phone with my schoolmates whom I see everyday and the office workers. And i even tried to give him HINTS! but he just kept asking, 'Well is it your stomach?'
    My mom just called and now I am in deep s--t because my father hasn't called her to tell her I'm home yet, and she was calling to check the messages.

    It's getting worse, and I think I'm going crazy because of her constant belittling and saying I'm too much of a 'goddamned titty baby'. There's so much more, (I've tried stuff to get away from her, basically) and I NEED HELP.

    I'm only 13, I need something, anything. With all the trolls it's hard to believe but it's true. I'm terrified one of my parents or friends or anything will find this, and I don't want this to happen anymore, I'm sick of it.

    Please help.

  • random person

    Heres a short summary of my life.. my step dad and i have random arguments, he has a tandency to be little me adding "just joking" to excuse the verbal and mental attacks. Hes taken care of me since i was 4 years old, moved away with my mom at age 8, came back to him at age 11, mother passed away when i was 15. ive finished college and am currently about to enter the military at age 27.

    hes gives me options that he knows i cant take. like telling me i should find another house to live in knowing my family is not even in the US and have no where to go. Its been nonstop since ive been 15 years old. Saying one moment hes my father and when angry or upset he says im his "guess" even though ive called him dad since little. hes rude and starts arguments and gets me to argue with him by saying cruel remarks nonstop sometimes even about my dead moms personality being simular to hers as a negative form. hes full of mental abuse and i cant alow myself to take his remarks which causes me to retaliate verbaly to him. i feel sometimes he does it to make a show, saying i take things to personal to exuse his behavior. Nice one moment and rude when he gets home from the bars never physically abusive but mentaly he hits the bars everyday yet doesnt come home DRUNk but with beer in his system.

    Its hard for me to accept this is the father who makes me food, took care of me, and pays for all my nessesaities could do this. he constanly says negaive things in regardes to me and i hate the fact he makes me feel inferior or like an orphan and hes doing me a favor.

  • C.MILLER

    Hello everyone! i kind of just came across this website because i am doing a huge project on different kinds of abuse. i thought it would be cool and would help me if i would tell you my own story. i have a mother, a father (who i don't live with), a younger brother, and an older sister. i am the middle child and hate it. Half the time, i don't get the attention i need and if i'm in pain, half the time no one ever notices. But that's not what i'm here to talk about, that's a whole different story. My story is about my brother. He's very abusive to me in a mental and physical way. I am never right with him and i have no idea how to please him. I also can never have my own opinioin so most of the time, i try to keep my mouth shut. Even though he's a year younger, it still hurts. I have no idea what to do. I get so hurt by the things he says to me. He literally, never said i love you to me... ever. He said that the only time he'll ever say it is if i'm dead. He always tells me to go to hell and how stupid i am. He also says that i'm ugly, super fat and i should get on a diet. When he gets mad at me, he sometimes hits me just because he can. He's alot stronger than I am and sometimes, i don't even want to look him in the eye. He says that everytime our mom yells at us, its always my fault. He says that i never can do anything right and i'm so worthless... he used to tell me this everyday but now hes never really home. My mom said he was always so mean because he was in the closest (my brother just recently told us that he was gay) but that doesn't give him the right to treat me like crap, does it? sometimes i don't even know if i'm right off the time... maybe i am ugly and fat so i should get over it, right? But most of my friends say he's just an ass and that i'm beautiful and not all the things he says to me. My boyfriend also says that i'm beautiful but how can i believe that when my brain is so registered to think i'm ugly and stupid and fat? i sometimes don't know what i'm doing... can someone just talk to me? That's all i need, someone who has the same problem and would like to talk. Thanks for reading!

  • SHA'E LOC

    I FEEL THAT ABUSE SHOULD'NT BE TOLERATED AND ANYBODY WHO DOES SOMETHING TO SOMEBODY THAT IS NOT LIKED SHOULD BE TAKIN TO JAIL AND THREWN AWAY. MATTER FACT DONT FOR GET TO THROW AWAY THE KEY. :o

  • Anonymous-36

    I agree that no one really cares about a person who has been abused mentally. The damage is not visible like physical abuse, but it actually live in you forever. We really need to get them to notice that mental abuse is as important as physical abuse. They just think that we are whinning. They don't understand. Most people don't understand, so don't be surprise. Talk to a shrink. Some people who get abused sometimes will become the abuser in future. This because they didn't receive all the help they need. I am also a victim of mental abuse for the past 25 years. Right now I am staying far away from them. I mean by far is far away (different continent). It is tough but it is worthed so much. I can now sleep soundly at night and have a peaceful mind, not being on guard all the time because afraid to get attack at anytime. For those victims out there, you should remember that the most important thing is to build support system around you. Positive friends are precious and unbelieveably hard to find. Keep them around for the rest of your lifes. Be independent. Make choices for yourself regardless what they said to you. You are worth much more than what they have been telling you. Seek a counselor, a good one that really listen to you and not passing judgement. For those young people...please get help. Work hard and get scholarship or get student loan, get a job and stay far away whoever abuses you. Leave all the past behind. It is easier to talk than to actually do it. Trust me, I know. I have been there. I moved from one continent to another. One last thing. There is a comment from one person who is actually keep visiting and trying to give a positive effect on her abusive family. I think she has a really strong and great heart. I personally can't do that. I tried repeadtly and ended up in tears and deeper mental problem.

  • Anonymous-37

    I grew up in a family where my dad was the one abusing. He physically and mentally abused my mother and he mentally abused his kids. And my mother was the same way your dad is. She ALWAYS took up for him, not because she thought he was right but because she was scared.

    We lived in absolute poverty and he did nothing to stop it. He quit his jobs every chance he would get, but yet somehow, we were always ther reason for our financial problems. There were three of us kids. We all got jobs when we turned 13 to help pay for things that we as a family needed, like groceries and school supplies. Dispite all of that, we were blamed.

    I know what its like to grow up in fear that you never know what you'll say to set them off. I can't even explain the horrible things that we all suffered.

    Most of the time, we heard my parents fighting from accross the house. I would hear my dad telling my mother that she was an idiot and a worthless b*tch. There were other choice words, but that is just to name a few. He used to threaten her life, and sometimes his own. He would confide in me some of the most greusome things when I was only 6-years-old.

    I can tell you that this is not an easy thing to go through. I know that in my growing up, I never knew it was abuse. i didn't have the internet to research things. What you're going through is abuse and as someone who has been through two types, this is the worst kind in my opinion. You need to talk to someone.

    Don't be scared and don't feel dumb or like you're a cry-baby. You're not. You're hurting and you should be. What's being done to you should be a crime and its a shame that it happens as frequently as it does.

    Please, speak to your guidance counselor at school. If they can't help you ask them to have someone else come and talk to you. help is free when you're younger and trust me, the younger you get help, the better. Once you're on your own, you have to pay lots of money and when you're under the age of 18, ifyou go to couseling the state can require your parent to seek help if you want. it would have been a dream come true if I had done that when I was younger. I am now 23 and I am still having so much trouble with this problem.

    It won't go away on its own and pepople that have suffered or are still suffering from this abuse need help. Please, seek help.

  • PHINA

    I know what you all are going through, because my mother always goes back to my father who menatlly abuses her. He tells her that he saved her from falling off a clif.(I really think he pushed her because they were both drunk) My parents get into arguments and she leaves he says he sorry, and she comes running back. On my mothers birthday my sister and I planned a surprise birthday party and he comes drunk. He, my sister, and I got into an arugment and he abused us. A neighbor called the cops and we went to a shelter that evenin. However, things weren't working out with my mother and she went back. I strongly believe that if you let your kids know that it is alright to be abused physically, verablly, or mentally. They WILL grow up thinking it is okay. I know because my sister is in the same situation. Her boyfriend beat on her when she was pregnant. She moved in with our dad after she gave birth. Then went back to the man!! Only to be verbally and Physically abused. GET THE COURAGE to leave it lowers your self esteem and value in this world. I've been there and felt like nothing BUT I am living in a better place away from all that drama.

    So can you

  • New Zealand

    Abuse is NOT OK. We live in a world where everyone has the right to feel safe, protected, and loved. You are an important person, and there's always someone out there looking out for you to make sure you feel it... you just have to know where to look, and here's a great start. Abuse is not part of our world, We DON'T NEED IT! In abusive relationship, if you feel mistreated or hurt in any mental, physical, social, or emotional way, YOU'VE GOT THE POWER, even if you don't feel it yet, you DON'T NEED THAT PERSON in your life. No matter how they try to apologise or intimidate, forget it! They don't deserve to be with you. You say no, and you mean it! How great would it feel to tell someone "Get out of my life" if they don't deserve to be in it? Awesome! Stand up, speak loud, break the chains & embrace the freedom that everyone should feel everyday.

  • debbie

    how do you determine mental abuse, is it mental abuse the way my husband showed me up in a shop recently when i was asked if i wanted material in inchs or centimetres to which my husband answered before i could speak he said it doesn't mater what measurements are Debbie wont understand either. OMG i just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. when i challanged my husband outside the shop he got angry and took offence, at me challenging him about it . I used to love to drive but since we've moved area i don't get the chance to have the car to myself

    a couple of times i have driven the car about a mile home, with my husband as a passenger. he'll say watch him mind that, this drives me mad as hell, i've been driving for 20 odd years and never had a accident. I wont drive now it's not worth the hassle i get from my husband. I have a support worker as i have anxiety and cliniclal depression, she says my husband belittles me.....yeah i understand he does but i reckon he must hate me or why would he be like this to me.

    he mumbles under his breath which really winds me up We've been together 15 years, over the last few years he has become unbearable. I am constantly walking on eggshells and if i think he's alright and we've had a good day as quick as a flash he gets nasty it's like living with jekell and hyde. i'm tired of the nastyness and the made to feel small. Half of me wants to run for the hills and the other half wants things back as they were.

    i just don't know how to get back to when our relationship was good :(

  • Nikka

    I have read these other abuse victim's comments and I feel so close to some and others sound worse than my life.

    I am nearly 50 and just now able to deal with myabuse pain. I am not sure what my mother wanted when I was born, a baby doll I think. I didn't turn out that way, I am more tomboyish and I am very strong inside myself on one side and very weak on the other.

    My mother was very unstable due to her abuse all her life (?) and my father's violent beatings and verbal abuse against her. She tried to kill me and herself and my brother and I had to talk her out of hit several times before I was 6. She kept crying and sayinjg she was a bad mommy and I should not have been born. This gave me such a down feeling about myself my entire life.

    As I grew my father sexually abused me and I thought it was normal. He didn't really love me after I got to a certain age because I was female and they were only for sex and service. He treated me seconde class a lot. Then he walked out with his teenage girlfriend when I was 8. My mother tried to keep him but after we moved in with him and his girlfriend he just beat her when he was angry with anything in his life. He beat his girlfriend and occassionally hit me. He terrified me as he slowly sank into alcoholism. I didn't know him anymore.

    After we left that situation I got to live with the sadistic step father that verbally put me and everyone in the family down. He was a pro. He would say one thing then turn around and say another and make you believe you were crazy because that wasn't what he said or meant. He made you think it was all your problem and that you were stupid and if you didn't understand what he wanted he wasn't gonna tell you becaus you were too stupid anyway. He slowly eroded all my confidence in myself and made me feel like a nothing person. He didn't want us anyway, just my mother whom he really verbally abused and confused.

    My mother's way of coping was to lay in bed and be sick for weeks. When I was twelve she had laid in bed for a year and a half trying to die. She looked like a skeleton at 90 pounds. I had to take care of her, the house, my brother, my ugly stepfather and myself. She left me to carry it a lot. She allowed all the men that were supposed to help me rule me and use me. I was second wife. And I never did it right or was good enough, ever. at 14 in highschool one of my classmates became emancipated at 16 ande lived alone. I wanted what she had. Anything to get out of our house.

    I was also tired of hearing how I was NEVER Godly enough. God didn't love me because....(insert excuse here). God was used to beat me emotionally to death. Now I cannot even go into a church without breaking into a shaking sweat and heart pounding. Even God's love was conditional. All the love every offere3d to me was conditional.

    You are not good enough, smart enough, godly enough, helpful enough and it just goes on for two pages like that in my life.

    I am slowly trying to work through my life problems and have some confidence. I am strong in some areas in my life and absolutely weak as a kitten in others. I m trying to integrate my personality, which felt like it was torn apart by wild animals when I was young. For years I hated myself and my life. This is hard to do.

    I am slowly trying to love myself and take care of myself as a nice parent. Since my parents died I don't talk about them much. I tell people I don't have a family and didn't really and please don't ask.

    I just don't want to talk about it anymore to anyone.

    The only thing I have in life is a loving caring helpful husband. He tried to help me but sometimes it is hard for him too. I suffer from PTSD and I have difficult flashbacks to my past and the horrible things done to me. I try to look at them, go through is holding my inner child's hand and get through the pain with love. Slowly I feel like a quilt being pieced together into something more beautiful.

    I have good days and bad, good weeks and bad. My goal is to live daily with joy. And to stop berating myself for not being perfect. I am working toward a full personality that doesn't fall apart anymore.

    I probably need some more counseling and if I can find it will do so. It is hard to do this alone. One book by Beverly Engel is helpful, called Healing Your Emotional Self. Another is by an authorVictoria Secunda is named When You and Your Mother Can't be Friends. It's helped me know I am not crazy. I hope they can help others.

  • JOY

    I am 40 years old,married to a sosio path narsisistic liar.He is a master manipulater and even the town cops wont help me.He grew up with the police chief.I met him at 16-he was 22.I was 18 and he beat me so bad have a broken nose,had multiple concusions and basically my whole face was one big swollen bruise,A picture was taken that i mwould love to get my hands on by the prosicutor.I would love to expose this evil demon.I foolishly married this man gave him 2 children now 20 and 18,I have no friends and no social life,I have never ev en had a girls night out,I have been a faithful wife to him,Last summer he ran all over town telling people im a whore,that i slept with numerous men including his cousin,that i made a porn movie,he told the cops the same thing and that our daughter is a whore who screwed a man out of prison .My daughter is a christian who carried a 4.0 all thru school.A very good person.He broke furniture,a mirror,threatened to cut me up and shoot me-and continued to tell more damaging lies on me.This went on for 16 days and nights because the cops would not help me and if I called the sheriff the town cops would intercept the call,Finally a neighbor called them and they took my husband to a mental hospitol,kept him 4 days and released him.He has signed papers so i cant know whats wrong with him.He takes 2 prescription meds and tells me he has to be on meds to live with me.He said he tells his shrink im mean to him and its on record.He continues to mental anguish me calling me whore and accusing me of various men in this town.Our daughter was sick in the hospitol and he got in her face and said shut the fuck up you fucking cry baby motherfucker and he left me at the hospitol and went home.When my grandmother died we took seperate cars to her funeral cause he was cussing me,After we burried her my car broke down.He pulled up beside me and said you fucking bitch and left me stranded so i walked with my daughter in a snow storm to find help-she was smaller then-when i got home he was in bed asleep.This man is extremely EVIL.eVERYONE IN THIS TOWN THINKS HE IS THE NICEST GUY BECAUSE HE SHOWS 2 FACES.i DONT TALK TO ANYONE SO I ASSUME THEY ALL BELIEVE HIS LIES BECAUSE I AM SHUNNED.mY SON IS NOW TREATING ME LIKE CRAP HE CAME IN THE OTHER DAY CALLING ME BITCH SAID FUCK YOU BITCHOVER AND OVERI KEPT TELLING MY HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM STOP AND OF COURSE HE WOULDNT HE TREATS ME THE SAME WAY.MY SON KEPT PUSHING ME SO I SLAPPED HIM,I CALLED THE POLICE BIG MISTAKE I WANTED THEM TO MAKE MY 20 YEAR OLD SON LEAVE.THEY CAME-TOOK HIS SIDE OF THE STORY -DIDNT LET ME TALK OR GIVE A STATEMENT-ARRESTED ME FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SET MY BOND AT 25,OOO DOLLARS.keep in mind im 40 and have never been in any trouble.So i spent 4 days in jail. o when i was in the cruiser my husband got in the drivers seat turned around grinning at me.He would not tell the police what my son did to me.I take care of old people so my life is destroyed.My son has slapped me and broke my finger verbally abuses me but i guess im just a nobody.I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY I DONT KNOW WHERE TO TURN-I DO KNOW IT WONT BE THE TOWN COPS.SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I NEEDED TO LET IT ALL OUT.

  • tasha

    I am 34 years old and I just recently left a man that I was with for 6 years. Very controlling and manipulative. Everytime he would get upset by something that would happen to him he would take it out on me verbally. He cheated throughout the relationship. And everytime one of his girlfriends would leave him he would go through a depressed period and get angry towards me. He would criticize everything about me. From the way I cooked, cleaned, took care of my kids to the type of female I am. I am a home-body. I don't go out to party, don't drink, don't do drugs. Just stay at home and take care of my kids. My ex drinks, does drugs, gambles, and deals with strippers and street walkers. My ex feels that he knows everything and I don't know anything. He acts like I wouldn't know how to breathe if he wasn't around to show me how. He makes rules up in the house for me and my kids to follow and then he will change it to the total opposite the next time just to have something to complain or lecture us about. You can never correct him or he gets upset and starts critisizing me even more. He threatens to kill me and my family members when I tel him that I don't want to be with him. He threatens me by telling me that he has a gun and he is ready to die and he won't be dying alone. He tells me if I call the police on him that he would do what he needs to do before the police gets to me and already be gone. He is always saying that the men is the head of the household and all of the decisions being made in the house has to go through him. I left to a domestic violence shelter because it got so bad that I felt like I was suffocating and dying a slow death. I wasn't myself anymore. He hated the real me. I hated me now. I feel all tense around him wondering what he is going to find wrong next. I stopped talking around him so he couldn't use what I say against me in an arguement. I stopped talking on the phone to people because I had to watch what I said in front of him cause he would stand there to listen to my conversation. Nothing I did was right. He didn't like me being happy. He ran all of my friends away and made me feel guilty for communicating with my family. He would bully me around into staying with him. He would threaten to take our 2 kids away every time he didn't get his way. And at first I kept falling for it, but one day I got so fed up with him using our kids to get his way I told him to take them. Then he went and pretended to take a drug overdose on prescription meds, but didn't want me to call the ambulance. Nothing happened to him. Just the lies and the manipulation and the mind games was too much. The emotional rollercoaster became unbearable to be on. He would act nice and pretend he was happy with me but he'd continue to criticize everything about me. Treating me like his enemy. Treating me like I am not the mother of my own children. Treating me more like a live-in babysitter that had to be taught to take care of his kids. It was so much more. But anyways, even though I left he still comes to my house acting like he owns me, questioning what I am doing, making decisions in my house, telling me what I can and cannot do. And when I tell him to respect me as a woman and not a child and to respect my house as my house he goes back to threatening me and my life all over again. I have a restraining order now good for a year but they didn't serve him so he feels that because I have his kids he has every right to come to my house every day if he wants to. The problem is that when he comes over to " see his kids ", I have to be around him at al times still. When I tel him that I am not his girl anymore he tells me that I don't get to make that decision and that I will be his girl until he says that I am not his girl. I am so tired of the never ending cycle.

  • Denise

    I am 44 years old with two kids and an abusive husband of 11 years. My depression about my situation is so bad that I cannot get the idea of suicide out of my head. My husband constantly tells me that I am inadequate~ as a partner, as a mother, a housekeeper and as a professional. He tells me daily of each and every failure of the moment. Because of our financial situation, I have no car and little access to money. While most of the abuse is not physical, sometimes I wish I could just be punched and get it over with. He does not allow me to talk away from a fight. He will follow me wherever I go and will not let up until I am in tears. Sometimes it means physical abuse, sometimes it will stop with only a broken item or hole in the wall. Occassionally, he will leave the house if he's drunk, but that doesn't happen too often. He has also gotten drunk and raped me. I worry more about my children and the impression of life they have~ the lack of respect they have for me~ the fear they have. My husband has shaken my 7 year old while angry at me and asked me, "do you want me to take it out on him"? Last night he told the same 7 year old to "shut up or I will punch you in the face". In social situations, both personally and professionally he has humiliated me by yelling and/or accusing me of 'sleeping around'. He once yelled at my in a professional setting because I didn't trust hiim to cross the street. We were holding hands and before we crossed a busy street, I paused to look both ways for cars~ that's all it took~ he screamed that I didn't trust him with my life. Every day is the same. Humiliation, degredation, screaming. It only takes 5minutes and he's back in front of the TV with his beer laughing while the rest of us are cowering, hiding somewhere in the house. He has humiliated me so bad and so often in my professional career that I had to get out of that industry. Now I am so lost I don't know what to do. He screams at my depression. I am physically sick almost all the time for the past several weeks. My body and soul are so tired and, after thinking about it for the past few days, I don't think I even have anything left to offer my two kids. He says my depression is my fault and that he's not responsible.

  • WL

    Hello Denise, You are not alone and there are many who will believe you. I am in a similar situation and am getting ready to leave. You need to get out and get away. What you are experienceing is real and you need to get away immediately. Abusive behaviours peck away at your soul and you become changed. You need to read Evans book on abusive relationships and it will help you understand. You owe it to yourself and your children to escape. You should read my story from February and you will understand. There are many women's shelters ready to help. Do yourself the biggest favor and call. You need support for yourself and your kids. Unless you've been there, some people don't believe what you are going through. I do. I believe you. You need outside help and support. Please make the call for you and your future. WL

  • Dr. T

    Yes Denise, make the step to create a much needed change in your life. You don't have to put up with this. I don't know the full situation nor do I know you or your husband well enough to offer complete advice. But I would definitely recommend seeing someone who can offer you and your two children help. Those children deserve a better life and you deserve to be treated better. A man has no right to abuse you. Abuse is the foundation of inadequecy and low self-esteem on the part of the abuser. It gives him POWER to know that you have become subjected to him, that you have become his "utensil," that you have lost strength and courage to fight back. It gives him satisfaction to make you afraid and to see you still in his presence. Have you ever heard the abusive person say "You'll never do good without me" or "You just keep coming back for more..you don't have the strength to leave me" These and other similar statements are power statements that gives the abuser an ego boost. You are his stepping stone, so to speak. Abusers are always cowards...they have a lot of hot air but no power unless you give it to them.

    Your children need to know that there are loving and supportive husbands, significant other's, and fathers who love their family and will not abuse them. Physical attacks, verbal attacks, neglect, rape, etc. are all considered abuse and no one should have to withstand this. Your children are also in danger of being abused. If he abuses you, he will abuse them too and this could bring in protective services.

    If you find that you cannot get out, please contact a local women's shelter or a local church or religious/faith counseling. If you find the right person, they can truly help you gain the strenght you need and the courage. Seeking counseling from a psychologist or licensed social worker may also be helpful. You can usually find these services very cheap or free if you look into your county office directory. Also look at...

    http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm,

    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence/WO00044,

    http://www.focusministries1.org/. This is the first step to healing and to finding and receiving the life your children deserve.

    Please take care.

  • Ruth

    To all the women out there who feel like thier is no hope of getting out of a bad relationship weather its emotional abuse, mental abuse , phisical abuse or sexual abuse you and your children deserve better you are enough and believe me i know from experience it can be devastating to live in those types of relationships but believe me when the abuser sees no wrong in what they are doing to you or your children its better to be devasted then to live in hell with somebody who does not understand the meaning of love because until they learn to love themselves believe me they dont know how to love you and chances are things are not going to change until you stand up for yourself and your children and make things change it does not matter how old you are or how young you are abuse comes in all colers and sizes and its reality and olny you can change your reality you and your children deserve to be loved and protected and if you feel you have to stay in that kind of of abusive realationship not olny does the abuser need help so do you and i really recomend that you seek help not olny for yourself but for your children because each and every passing day you stay in a relationnship like that your playing with your childs happyness if you choose to live in misery thats okay but to make your children live in it with you, you are no better then the abuser because you make your children suffer with you, if you know you are in an abuseive realtionship and you know it is wrong and you choose not to get out of it not olny is the abuser abusing you but you yourself are abusing yourself because you know better and you keep hurting yourself plus your children and one day when they grow up chances are guess what they learn to repeat what you have tought them that its okay for people to mistreat you can you imagine the damage you have caused them no man i dont care what man it is he not worth that much and if you can conjere more excuses on why you have to stay in that kind of relationship chances are your need more help then the abuser, you are better then that and so are yous children they are our future and we need to love and protect them and ourselves,

  • st

    I sat here reading everyone's comments. All of us seem to be in a simular position. See, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs. The 1st yr. was great. Then I started having to defend myself, emotionally. I would get blamed for being with his friends. He has broke my computer, carved "slut" in the trunk of my car, ripped pictures I could never get again. Then like a idiot, I forgave him. Physical abuse started. I don't want to accept it. I just keep telling myself it's not abuse because it only happened a few times. He's slapped me, beaten me with beads, pulled my hair. I am always wrong. We just got into a fight over asking him if he wanted dinner and that began our "brakeup" for the hundreth time. He called me a bunch of heart stabbing things. But after a while the verbal abuse just makes you numb. Most of the comments I've read, your man wants you back. Mine always tells me that he can't stand me and doesn't want to be with me. Also says that he can't wait until I find another guy. He's always telling me that I'm the crazy one, it's all about me. I KNOW I'm not crazy, but sometimes he makes me second guess myself. I'm assuming that this is some type of abbuse. I don't know why I can't let go...

  • Dr. T.

    I understand. It is hard to let go because of a variety of issues that we have, or because of a variety of emotional needs that we may have as well. Introspection may be a means by which you can learn more about why you can't let go. Are you needy for male attention? Do you falsely assume that despite his abuse he loves you? (this is not love, it's control and manipulation). Have you believed his lies about you and thus have become submissive? Do you feel you need him (financially, emotionally, physically, etc)? Do you not need him for any of the above reasons, but still can't figure out why you can't let go?

    I have been the product of both training in spiritual counsel and being raised in a Christian/spiritually based household/family. I do believe in "silent" or "hidden links" that tie people together and restrict them from living their lives. I have seen abusive situations and I have heard many of them where people state "I just can't leave" or "I just can't let go." Psychology would explain this in terms of some hidden need or the fact that you have probably become submissive because of all the abuse. Spiritual counselors, however, would say that you are being controlled by "principalities" or spiritually-based emotional needs that you cannot fathom. The only way for you to find help and the strength to get away is to seek God, to seek the Word of God (the bible), and to seek those who can lead you to a deeper understandning of your existence and your life. This is what spiritual guidence would help you to understand. My grandfather, who is a pastor and counsels couples, will tell you that the power invested in mankind is sometimes not enough to help us through painful/confusing situations. Therefore, we need to seek divine answers and appropriate divine counsel. Everyone is not strictly "religious" and seeking some moral justification for their "wrongs" in life. Some need answers to the reasons why they can't be the people they know they should be. Some need to become aware of their spiritual self in order to grow into their new self (a rebirth of the soul). Some need to also feel enlightened and strengthened through spiritual introspection.

    It does indeed work (especially if you have patience and give it a chance)...why don't you give it a try? Here are a few websites that might get you started.

    http://www.cftministry.org/ http://www.ebible.com/ http://www.christianitytoday.com/ (click on women) http://www.crosswalk.com/spiritualLife/ http://www.newlife.com/ http://www.whoisjesus-really.com/main.htm http://www.christianhealthcare.org/mental_chccc.shtml http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/ http://www.oneplace.com/ (great site!).

    I find a lot of interesting information on here that can help everyone, including me with daily issues such as pleasing others, feeling obligated to do things, feeling depressed, discouraged, manipulated, etc. There are answeres...its just a matter of learning where to seek them.

    Warm regards

  • Natalie

    I need some advice...

    My dad is verbally and emotionally abusive, but there's nothing that I can do about it. My mom realizes it, but she doesn't do anything, she doesn't kick him out. He is drunk every night, and critisizes me every chance he gets about how I am handling my life. I am a senior in high school, I am due to have a little girl in two weeks, and I am in great standing to graduate with a 3.2 GPA. My father constantly tells me how I'm not going to graduate, and how my life is going to go nowhere after I move out. He gets drunk all the time and drives off when he's angry. Last summer he rolled his pickup over with my little sister (15) in the bed of the truck. Then he yelled at my mother because it was her fault for not going with him. She doesn't kick him out, she doesn't leave him. I can't move out until August. He thinks that spending quality time with my little sister is going to a friends house and getting drunk and stoned with her. I need some advice on how to talk to my mom about what he's doing. She knows about everything, but she doesn't DO anything about it.

    Thanks.

  • Missy

    My husband and I have been married 12 yrs. Without going into all the gory detail here, my husband has been having some sort of an anger issue that has been escalating the past few years. At first, I just noticed how angry he would get with other drivers or poor customer service, etc. His reactions were very out of proportion to the incidents. Trying to calm him and tell him it wasn't as bad as he thought only made things worse, sometimes to the point he'd turn the anger towards me as well.

    It has gotten to the point that I am afraid to even call his name to ask a question for fear of his lashing out at me. He screams at me in the loudest, most hate-filled voice I've ever heard in my life, and he's started throwing in "f'ing b*tch" every time he lashes out, too. It's so loud at times that I'm afraid a neighbor might actually call the police.

    He tells me that if I hadn't done or said x, y or z, he wouldn't have screamed and cursed me out -- his bad behavior is always, but ALWAYS, somehow MY fault. We were speaking about counseling, and he flat-out told me that he had been "perfect" in our marriage, and that I was the one who needed to work on being better. I thought he was joking and stuck my tongue out at him and giggled. But he was serious! He then said that he could not think of anything -- not ONE single thing -- in over a dozen years that he'd ever, EVER done wrong in our marriage. I was dumbfounded. So far as I know, there aren't any truly perfect humans anywhere. This doesn't make me very encouraged for counseling to help us! :/

    Do I ever give him reason to be angry? Of course I do...you know how it goes in nearly every marriage. You're going to have disagreement from time to time. But his responses are SO out of proportion to anything ever said to him (something as simple as, "If you have time tonight, could you please carry the garbage out?" can send him into a fit of rage. Many times it just comes out of left field, with no (apparent) provocation whatsoever.

    And he never apologizes for these episodes never admits he was wrong to mistreat me. So many times, I've begged him to please not talk to me that way. I've told him that there are boundaries and we have to respect them and not cross the line into treating each other that way. He says there are no boundaries, that he's justified to scream and curse at me, and that anyone else would understand why he does it.

    I do smoke and he hates that ("You're a f'ing addict! You don't deserve for anyone to be nice to you!"). It's hard to defend myself against that, because it's true that I am addicted to cigarettes and it's an awful thing -- for both of us. That's why I want to try to quit again. I actually DID quit last year, and two weeks later, I developed a spine/neurological deficit problem that required surgery, and the pain was so great prior to surgery that I picked up the cigarettes again to cope (I hadn't been given any pain medication at that point). The surgery didn't work and I am going through other treatment now to avoid another, far more major surgery.

    I will quit again as soon as I'm able to walk so that I have some way to work through the cravings. But in the meantime, does that give him license to treat me worse than dirt on the bottom of his shoe? I can't even print here some of the things he says to me. And each time he does, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the heart. I love him so much...this can't be my husband! Something is wrong!

    He has even been saying bizarre things like, "You are the enemy -- you are the fking enemy!" He will invariably come back and say it's my fault because I smoke, and that so long as I smoke, he can say/do whatever he wants because I deserve it. He seems to think bullying and cursing me and screaming at me with all the hate he can muster is somehow going to help me quit. Of course, it's so stressful that it only makes me want to smoke even more.

    It's gotten so bad that I've started to wonder if my smoking maybe really DOES give him the right to treat me so badly and that I just can't see it for what it is. But my sense -- my gut feeling -- is that it's only in part due to my smoking. Something is wrong with my husband, and I don't know how to help him...or how much longer I can keep taking these rage-filled tirades and outbursts from him.

    I'm left to wonder if this IS who my husband has always been and he feels comfortable and feels he has an "excuse" (my smoking) to let it all out on me now...or whether he is ill, that something is causing him to behave this way. I'm terrified for (and sometimes of) him. I want my husband back.

    Please, can anyone help point me to some information that may help us? I'm afraid he's going to do/say something he can never take back and perhaps even hurt me physically. I don't dare try to take up for myself and argue with him when he is in one of these episodes. I could easily see him getting worked up enough to do something neither of us could ever get past.

    He has seemed increasingly -- eogtistical is not really the right word -- maybe "narcissitic"? Everything somehow relates to him and therefore upsets him all the more. He even thinks strangers in traffic are intentionally being rude to him to not go the right speed or not move over fast enough, etc. I'm really worried.

    Thank you!

  • Karl

    Yes i am a man and i feel depressed by the things my wife says to me. We have our arguements just like everyone else. I feel i have been trying to be a good person but my wife says im abusive after i say she is abusive toward her daughter and me. Sometimes she talks but for the most part it is yelling when you get in a dissagreement. I am not going to lie I have yelled back my self. But she accuses me of having girlfriends constantly asking if im going to see my girlfriend at work. She thinks that one of the females that work in my building is my girlfriend(she is not) She says she is just joking when i say she is trying to start a fight but she has called me at work trying to find out whopeople are that i am working with. She has called my work saying my daughter is in the emergency room just to get me on the phone with my boss standing next to the phone I tell her i will call back as soon as i can. Then continues to call if i don't call her back within the amount of time she sets for me. I feel like she is trying to control me.

    I tell her she is abusive for yelling at her daughter for every little thing she does wrong. The one day she taunted her to the point she made her daughter cry then went into her room to smack her for crying. The daughter is not mine so i feel awckward about telling her how to disipline her child. I told her she was abusive for doing that then she said that she laft the last guy that told her she was a bad parent. Was i right or wrong? Did i say she was a bad parent?

    I feel i cant talk to her about things because she hs told me i am weak or i am not man enough and that really burns me up and i feel like hitting her but i never do. She has told me tat she wants to have sex with other guys because i cannot fullfil her needs and she knew from the start that i have trouble lasting in bed before we got married.

    Times i wil be sitting watching tv or something she will walk by pinch me, hit me, push my head and if i make a comment she says quit whinning wuse or baby. She wants to wrestle around but only if i let her win but if i try to push her off she whines that i am hurting her or abusing her then again she calls me abusive.

    I wiil admit at one time i did say she was a bad mother staright out to her face because of the things she does. I was angry and just lashed out.

    I have vented to females on the computer but never gave them my info to be able to contact me or reach after the fact i just use them to vent my own anger about my wife all they know me as is a name and a person with a problem. My wife hates that i do it, she has caught me doing it. She says i am mentally cheating on her. I do not havecyber sex with any one i just spill my feelings. I feel i cant talk to her because she just lashes out again. And now she is mad because she made a false name and pretended to be someone and started to talk to me to set me up. She learned that i am discussed with my marriage because the way she treats her daughter and I. She also asked if there was any one else that i was going to go running to and i said no i am just worried for my mental health and honestly there is no one else. I just want to be a happy person again.

    She wanted the swigner life style in the begining and i agreed with it but after i agreed she could have sex with a single guy i had looked for a single women to have sex with she got jealous and said we could only have sex with other couples because she shot down every female i asked her about (isnt that a double standard?). So i said that i do not agree to being swingers because of the incident and reminded her of it one day and she said if i had said that she would have left me when i had said it. She thinks she can still swing but hasnt. I told her if she has sex with another man I will divorce her.

    I feel like she is trying to control my life, what do i do?

  • Karl

    Yesterday when i was writing "Am I right in this situation?" I was also realizing a problem in my head that I dont know why I need to talk to other females on the internet. I have realized i have a problem too. My problem has made it hard for my wife to trust me with her also being a jealous person because she has been hurt in the past. But it still doesn't give her the right to try and belittle me. But my problem I don't want our marriage to suffer because of my problem like it has. I don't know if i do it because she doesn't want me too, or if i do it to see if i get caught like she caught me the other day. I am torn in my own head i dont know what to do or how to fix it. I just want it to stop so I can have a happy marriage. I love my wife and daughter and want to live happily ever after (just like everyone else LOL).

    Yesterday i found the mental test for depression i thought i had clicked on depression but instead i found out i clicked on the ADD after i took the test, which explains why the questions didn't seem right to go with depression. I came to find out i scored a 70 on the ADD which is the bottom of the full blown ADD according to the results. Would this be something that might contribute to my problem of talking to females on the internet? Its not like i care who they are or where they are from. But i do like to ask question find out if they are married or single but i don't really care because never go look for the same person again. Is it because it stimulates my mind and makes it feel good so subconciencly i feel i need to do it again? is it because it gives my ADD mind something it wants to focus on if I really have ADD (by the way i had a 44 on depression, 6 on alcoholic, and a 16 on anger [bad combo]LOL). But seriously i do feel like i need help to. Is there any advice that i can take to help myslef other than i just need to see a doctor?

  • Suejin

    these storys are heart breaking. im writing a esay on child abuse and found out more then i would have liked. i never knew so much went on under the radar. but above all you dont have to be abused. you may be hesitant now to do anything but really, life will get better if you get help. an the kind of help is not running over to your friends house. you can do that but a much better way is to get professional help. all of you, deserve better then this. all humans, men and women a like a created equal. all of youdeep under know you deserve better no matter who you are.

  • feels like a hex

    My mom used to always tell me She hated me,wanted me to die,wanted me to choke and die,burn please burn his soul god,curse his soul god please,please go have a car wreck and die please,i ruined her life,I am nothing not going to be nothing,worthless, ..........THERE IS NOT ONE ABUSIVE WORD SHE HASNT SAID TO ME......I am in my 30's now.I neaver got away from the abuse because I love my mom to much.I wish I would have left when I was 16 somehow because now I am disturbed I believe "permanatly".I dont want to do anything but sleep.I cuss God out all day long and beg him to kill me."everyday'.I dont have a job and I dont think I could even be able to work around people.I just want to smoke weed and be by myself because I can sense the abusive nature in others.especialy narcissistic ones.

    I read all of the things everyone wrote in here,felt sympathy and empathy and wanted to try to give some encouragment to all you young people know that what your parents are doing is wrong and You will wind up like me If you dont get away.I hate God ,I want to die I have no life left in me and I am only 35 and ready to die..

  • Anonymous-38

    It's 4:45am and I am here writing on a blog that deals with abuse. I read the comment about die, burn, and choke. I am 43 years old and I have a beautiful 14 year old son and I can't imagine saying anything that would destroy his since of existence. I am a Christian and I have lived with an emotionally abusive husband for so long that I have not recognized his behavior as abusive. I decided to come on the Internet and find out what is considered emotional abuse. Last night, my husband screamed at me "You are the worse woman that I have ever met." I was stunned at his words as they echo in my mind and soul this was certainly abusive. I don't deserve to be abused no one deserves to be abused. I understand being angry at God because why doesn't he stop the pain. I love God with all my heart and I have cried out for him to let me die, but he didn't. The fact of the matter my husband's behavior is not God's fault and God hates it as much as I hate it. The free will given to all human beings is a great gift but so many people misuse that gift. A parents responsibility to their child is to guide, guard, and govern to help their children grow into the awesome person they are designed to become. I am responsible for my son and I encourage him to live, breath, and dream. I don't who you are and 35 years old let me tell you something as a mother. This is something that we do when we take groups on Encounters with God and deal with stuff like this and believe me I deal with my stuff too. No one is exempt from having stuff to deal with it is the price of being human. I have stood before broken men and women and have helped them get restored. I will stand in for your mother because she is incapable of standing in for herself. When I stand in for mothers I look the person in the eyes and I'll tell them as if they are really my child. Forgive me for not being the mother that I needed to be to you. I spoke words of destruction over you and it was never your fault. Forgive me for making you damaged goods and not realizing that you are fine china and that the best gift that I have ever received is you. You are a product of my own abuse and messed up mind and victims create victims please forgive me for wounding you and hurting you and I bless you and not curse you with my words. I ask you and pray that you are restored and that every addiction of any kind is broken of you and I encourage you to fulfill the life that God has given you and do great things on purpose. You are a champion, a leader, a history maker and world shaker and you will never designed to receive rejection and abuse don't die, don't burn, don't choke. Please live the life that God gave you because you have purpose and we need you to fulfill that purpose and you will help others through that purpose. You may be wondering what about my abusive relationship? Well, went to a place called Prayer Mountain Dec. 31, 2008 and set in a 2 x 2 cottage with no heat and I prayed and asked God for direction. Yesterday's incident was only confirmation of separating from my husband and allowing him an opportunity to get the help he needs. Although his words are toxic I refuse to let them poison me any longer. I am so gifted and talented and I love the work that I do. I am a beautiful woman and a loving mother and if he can see that I am fine china then he doesn't deserve me. I love him very much but I won't live 2009 the way I have lived the last 18 years of my marriage. Christians have troubles too and hopefully we let God help us through them. I am not looking for divorce but I am looking to be free and he will have time to take a good look at what he has done. I come to realize that my husband is clueless to a degree of his abusive behavior. He would never call it abuse. He provides, hard working, and can be wonderful at times I was fooled into thinking it wasn't abuse. It is time for me to be free because I do have purpose and I will complete that purpose with or without my husband.

    I owe it to me to be free from the bondage of someone else's destructive words. We all do.

  • Anonymous-39

    You sound like a very articulate woman who understands what she wants and needs but just can't find the strength to go down those roads. I understand as I have spoken to and witnessed many victims of abuse, mainly children, however. But despite the age difference, abuse is abuse and it shouldn't occur. I too am a believer of Christ and I also believe that there are spiritual battles and they consist of anything that comes to destroy your inner man. In other words, a "force" that comes to still your peace, joy, and comfort. From a theological perspective, I'm sure you know what I mean. It is real and it happens to so many people. Unfortunately, they don't understand that it isn't a character flaw or a personality disorder (while this may also be part of it as well), it is more so a need to find salvation through Jesus Christ and accept his "gifts" of joy and freedom. It is a need to truly grasp the life of Christ so one may live similar to Him. No...I'm not talking about religion, that is, the religion that forbids you to wear pants or earrings, or has you do all the form and fashion of religion and thus you miss the real connection to God. I'm speaking about a true transformation of the heart and soul. The type of transformation and calling out to God for freedom and help that requires a Bible and an honest need to know Him.

    You say you know Jesus, that's great! It doesn't make you a failure or weak because you can't find the strength to get out. There are so many reasons why this isn't always easy. But I would encourage you to keep speaking to God every day that you can and every minute. He can provide a way out for you. It takes time just as anything else in life does. The Bible says "Seek and you shall find...knock and the door will be open unto you." In other words, you got to speak to God and He will reveal all his "treasures to you."

    Have you sought spiritual counsel or guidence "power of words?" If not, I would encourage you to. You can also sometimes find a great psychotherapist who respects and understands the importance of your religion. Perhaps God has placed that feeling of "I know this is abuse" in your heart for a reason. He may be providing a way out for you right now...but its hard to see because you haven't taken that step yet.

    I wish you well.

    Dr.T

  • Anonymous-40

    I'm in shock, my best friend told me I was being mentally abused by my husband. It wasn't until I read the other comments I realized I'm in an abusive relationship. My Husband is a jealous compulsive liar,manipulator and a thief. He always blame me for everything wrong in this relationship. He constantly tells me I'm a bad mother, I'm a horrible wife, because I'm not submissive to him. We have a 5 year old son together. If I give him a snack, I'm horrible because he doesn't like to eat. If he give him a snack it's okay. The holidays just passed, I cooked a big dinner for my family Thanks Giving and Christmas. I usually cook daily. The one day I decided not to cook. I was a horrible wife because I didn't cook. Anything this man can think of he find a way to make me the bad person. He has always been like this but I just called him immature. We've been married for 6 years and seperated once for 8 months. I took him back because I felt guilty that my son would grow up without a father. I realized I don't want my son to be like his father. So I'm leaving him again.He actually moved in with me. I gave him 30 days to find a spot. Recently I attended a furneral of a co worker and he said to me your going to this furneral "I hope you come to my furneral when I die".( who says that!) As we discussed what is happening to this marraige he took his wedding ring off threw it at me and hit me in the head. He says I want this marriage to end because I'm a bad wife. This is very deppressing for me because I work hard at everything in life, and I don't like giving up on things but for the sake of my sanity and my son I know it's the right thing. I'm a christian and should probably seek spiritual help. I would love if my husband got help so our marraige could work, but he doesn't think he have a problem. In the meantime I know seperating is the best thing.

  • beth

    im 12 years old and i already cant stand my mom! she will sit there and tell me im not good enough! she and my step dad dave are constantly thretening to kik me out with my dad. dont give me wrong i love my dad and i would stay with him in a heart beat! but he was verry abusive to my mom when i was little. now i am trying to make my decesion if i want to moov form my mom who is far to critical, or my dad who could possibly put me through hell and back? idk what to do? and i hate being at home! but my step dad is always telling me that im not his and that he hates me! as far as my mom goes, i dont want anything to do with her! living with her is already a challenge! i have many friends at school, teachers and my bfs mom who i can tell anything to. i know i have many places to go. but scence dave has came into the pic, my mom has completly buted me out!

  • katelyn

    to the ones who think there abused. Its ok to think you are. Dont let no other tell you otherwise. what you need to do is tell some one you trust that you think you are in a case of abuse. Help your self!!!☼

  • Catherine Coffey

    Im 40 and I still hat my mom she enjoys making others upset and angry like her.After all these years I have realized that she will never change because peopl who enjoy hurting other never do.I need to change but it is so hard beacuse I have always wanted her to be happy with me and it never will so I have to remember that it never will happen and just ot be happy with my life and self. She is so nasty she is the type of person who laughs in your face when you get hurt.Shes even nasty to children.So all thoes out there who have the same mom.She will never change you have to just except it and stay away from her.Its sad I wich I didnt have to but for my sake and happiness I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous-41

    I have been in a relationship with this guy for about 7 months. He seemed to be the perfect guy at first. He was open and honest and cared for me, but along the road he had gotten so comfortable with me that he forgot that i had feeling. He forgot that i am a woman of independence. He continuously throws off a domineering attitude towards me and constantly tries to dominate me in every conversation or argument that we have. I have never reallly been a compettive person when it comes to arguments so he takes advantage of this by saying that i am stupid because i wont argue back, and that i am weak because i walk away. Im not a roudy person and i see him get that way it turns me off. He has absolutely no patience with me when we have a disagreement, he cuts off my conversations and wants to do all the talking. Recently he has been the biggest ass that i have ever seen. Im away from home and a little home sick so alot of the things that i have been doing, i have been messing. My conversation has been dumbed down and i've been breaking things. Im kinda stressed because of finances at home and here on my trip. He doesn't seem to understand where my problem lies. He told me last night in an argument about something so small that i was stupid and retarded, right in front of his brother and his brothers girlfriend. I was so embarrassed. HE cut me short and hurt me deeply. When i asked to talk to him at that moment alone, he said no, later. Now im here upset and sick to my stomach. i want to let him go, but i feel that we could work this out. any suggestions???

  • Olivia Quezada

    I NEED HELP! im on my own my mom is ALWAYS phsycologically abusing me! my dad NEVER says anything. even when im crying they DONT CARE! my mom sometimes phyisically abuses me....she goes through my stuff with out permission i dont know where to look for HELP! sometimes i just feel like ending my life, but i just cant because i feel like there can be someone out there to help me.=( i have good grades, im on a region champ dance team of estrella foothills, i dont do drugs, i dont smoke i dont drink either. i dont know what i have done to them for them to treat me like this! i try my hardest to stay strong but i cant handle anymore!!!! my house is ALWAYS a messs UNLESS i have enough time to clean it. my mom says she doesnt need to clean the house, and yet she is always on me about leaving my things on the floor OCCASIONALLY =(.....PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME OUT HERE!!!!!!!

  • aching

    Ive been with my b/f for 9 years and the past 2.5 years he has basicly neglected me in everyway possible. i know hes cheating, and he has been priven to be a liar. Hes never hit me or anything like that but he has emotional, verbally,mentally abused me for 9 years! and he acts as if its all in my head. im through with it now, i hope and i will recover soon. to any woman out there, please get out. dont waste 9 year sof your precious life on an abusive person who doesnt deserve you in the first place. im broken down but i know that God will get me through this hell. ive never treated him poorly, ever. and thats all i know is him treating me like disposable garbage. if i could get back those 9 years i wasted, id do it in a heartbeat....but i cant. i can only look foward to the future. bottom line is ladies, God did not make us to be abused. He has a purpose for us and its not that. So together lets all try to move on....we deserve the best. God bless us and be with us all.

  • savygal

    As I read these comments, I am remembering my own journey to physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellness. My siblings and I were mentally, emotionally and spiritually abused as children. We all suffer from depression, worthiness issues, low self esteem and emotional problems in our relationships. I want everyone to know that nobody has the right to degrade you, to make you feel worthless, useless or stupid. If you are constantly doubting yourself, wondering if your thoughts and feelings about your situation are valid or not, chances are, you are being abused or are in an abusive relationship. It is often difficult to determine if you are in an abusive relationship, especially if you suffered some form of abuse as a child because you have no healthy relationship example to compare it to.

    Our subconcious is designed to protect us. If you have an inkling that you are in an abusive situation, most likely, your intuition and feelings are correct. Please help yourself by talking to someone you can trust: a pastor, minister, clergy member, school counselor, teacher or Doctor. DON'T talk to the abuser(s) about being abused. The Abuser will almost always become angry and tell you you are imagining things and are not abused. You are a beautiful person, fashioned and designed in the Creator's image, worthy of all the happiness and joy that life has to offer.

  • Donna

    I have one thing to say to you.....and anyone else going through abuse!

    Please Trust me.....

    RUN FAST...DON'T WALK ...AWAY.....NOW!!!

    I have been there done that! You will lose yourself and wonder how & why you ever got in this situation. Soon you will have NO self esteem or confidence and will doubt everything you do. You will lose friends and family and for what??? LOVE?? Honey that ain't love!! Mark this day on your calendar....it will either be your Independence Day or your Prison Term.

  • *******************

    don't ever let usr high school boyfrined control................

    he is wrong no matter what he says.

    remember he is only your boy freind

    nothing esle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    you are free.........................................................................

  • Anonymous-42

    i never knew what abuse realy was please tell some one if your beng abused

  • Anonymous-43

    My mom is always calling me awful things! I know she doesn't love me

  • savygal

    Thank you for sharing your pain. My heart aches as I read your entry. As an adult victim of childhood verbal, mental and emotional abuse, I speak from many years of counseling, self help books and group therapy. Please understand, your Mother's comments are NOT about you. They are about HER: her own unhappiness, her own self hatred, her own feelings of anger, her own low self worth and her own lack of self esteem. I know that this does not ease the pain of her ruthless, insulting mental assaults, but I wanted to share this with you for your own well being. Please speak with a school counselor or clergy member about this. If your parents will alllow it, maybe you could join a church youth group, youth club or other positive, uplifting group to boost your self esteem and to provide support and friendship. God bless you.

  • natasha and junior

    my boyfriend is a very nice and fine young man i have no problem with him now i use to have problem with him but i ask god to help him and he did change his ways i love him so much

  • noplacetogo

    My wife and I have been married for two years. Before I knw her she had a terrible background with relationships. Needless to say, it has carried into our marriage. I know what many would say and in theory they are right. "I made the wrong choice." However, it is the choice i made and somehow i have felt it was right to hope and pray. Her unfaithfulness is not related to drugs or alcohol. It is related to habit and a lack of groundedness in right and wrong. I am not a pushover but i have been forebearing, obviously. Actually i am confromtational in a good way in the beginning. There was not much progress and she felt trapped in her lifestyle. Always she has come back to me. I have drawn lines further and futher away and she has always came all the way back. Recently I moved hundreds of miles and then she followed. We recommitted and within 5-6 weeks she was unfaithful. An argument followed, bad words were said by her and then I slapped her once on the face. I had never toched a woman before like that and I know it was enough. Within a few days we seperated. Now she wants to get back and she is contrite and I have started anger resolution. I don't want to get back because of what i did. I also dont wont to get back because of her "patterns". I feel if i get back with her it will not help her. We are still married and I also feel a responsibilty. I am trying to figure what to do. She, for the first time has agreed to go to counseling for herself. I am going to a support group for spouses of sex/relationship addicts and counseling and I am hoping i can better assist in dealing with my wife. I want to know if anybody has any advice that could help us, her or me? My hope is to help her get grounded. I have learned that the things I am gong through and my anger is triggered by her unfaithfulness and not burned biscits, BUT, I want to do better. I am hoping I can LOVE in a way that changes her. I really want help with my anger but at the same time keepstanding for my hope of a mongamous relationship. Deep inside my wife wants one man. She really does.

  • sandra

    i was abused by my father while i was growing up. now a woman of 30, i am in my first serious relationship but i am finding it really weird and i am always thinking of cheating and being in a relationship with a man that is dangerous or unavailable. basically, i find that when a man mistreats me, i fall for them more.

    my boyfriend doesnt deserve me, and doesnt know of these thoughts i have, and i really want to be good for him. i feel like i cant help myself sometimes.

  • BreeAnna

    iF YOUR BEING ABUSED BY FAMILY OR A BOYFRIEND... LEAVE! I was in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend for seven months it not worth it... and all the women stay becaue you love the person so much. but guess what if he treats you in any type of bad way... he doesnt really love you even if he says he does. TRUST ME! so get smart and get out fast. leave come leave a note or anything... you have nothing to explain... just go

  • jean

    I too was a child victim, who ended up with an abuser (as an adult).

    Now I am healthy becasue I left the monster of abuse. When I look back, I think of the abuse as a monster that comes and eats/kills everything in your life. All you can do is get out of its way. You are alive and ... free to live a great life. The hardest part is running away (from your monster).

    I met a wonderful man (16 years ago) and we can happily smile we will be together for the rest of our lives. I did bring into the relationship pain and it took patience on his part to help me through it. It can be done but it never stops because there will always be people in our lives. Currently, I am dealling with abusive neighbors (a covert aggressive). The same applies... do not deal with them...get away from the monster. Life goes on! You get healthy and can laugh and see problems from a mile away! You walk around smilling your living a childhood dream(s) of happiness yet that story still has monsters walking around.

  • Bobbi

    Get out! This not someone you can save. Why should she stop when she can do as she pleases and keep coming back. Get your own life together. Why is it you need this woman to be someone you need to save. Hey, you have a problem. Get help and answer the question. You are not there because of her problems. You picked her. You knew who she was before you married her. You need her to be someone you need to save to make you feel good. Why is it you need to be treated as if you are not worth loving? You get help and shut the door on this relationship before one of you kills someone.

  • Anonymous-44

    im not sure how it got like this but i think i might be in an abusive relationship. he goes to AA meeting cuz hes an alcoholic but he blames a lot of stuff on me. he yelled at me the other day cuz i ate some of the dry macaroni before dinner. He said i was ruining dinner, that it was all my fault. He has said cruel things to me in the past and i end up feeling worthless but he always says hes sorry and we make up. as i write this i know whats going through my head and that is that im in an abusive situation. What should i do.

  • Glass mirror image of me

    To the love ones experiencing abuse ,Abusers have an illiness. Abusers are mentally ill. Although there is no DSM-IV diagnoses for this, I feel that this is a disorder. An abuser is caught up in their own thoughts and emotions and feelings of self regret, doubt, and fear. I feel that Abusers need help. It is very serious because they reflect or shift their aniety and anger to the easiest targets and their negative feelings and emotions on inocent people, usually are the ones they love.THey project their anger on the targets that they are familiar with and or use to. Then it is not their fault, or they rationile that the victim made them do it , But some hoew it is always someone elses fault and not theirs. They dont fess up to their own actions.I believe that they dont even realize that they do this. After they have abused they feel a positive response or a form of relief about self. This is dangerous, because they dont understand that there is a problem and they dont understand that it needs to be stopped. They might not even realize that their negative and hateful words cut into love ones hearts just like a knife would. I have spent my whole childhood with a man who abused my brothers and sisters and my mother. I guess she just got use to the mental abuse. I never did. I spent my whole adolesence and young adulthood trying to figure out why, and what was his problem. I tried to figure out was it me? and for many yerars I did blame myself for the put downs and words of hate. It was only when I became an adult with responsibilities that I learned lots of people experience stress and anxiety with everyday situations. If they cant deal with this stress then they find other ways to express it. Some people get depressed, some Over eat or develpe addictions all just to cope with their issues with life. Others Abuse, Physically, mentally, socially etc. And it harm Others, This may also be a way to express their anger about their situations. It all is grounded around a deeper inner problem that the abuser is struggling with. They might not feel that they are ill because they are physicall well, but they are sick mentally and they need the help of professionals, before they hurt themselves or others. An abusive mind frame will kill. People might not believe that an abusive person could do such crime, but it could happen. Thats why if you are in an abusive relationship, If you know someone in an abusive relationship, or if you even think that you are being abused in any mannor, dont hesitate get them help, Try talking to them stating that you love them but they hurt you every time they___. And that you are concerned about their safty as well as your own. Even express to them that you will come along with them to talk to a counselor about what ever is bothering them. An abuser dos'nt want to be alone, and if you make it a must that they get help, or you must go, they might consider the help. But in any mannor if the situation is not changing You got to leave the abusive situation. It is not healthy for you, and or the people or children who witness the abuse. Dont let a Abuser bring you down Fight back by getting help for the both of you, or by leaving the situation.

  • Anonymous-45

    yes that is mental abuse . i lived it with my 2nd husband and it will get twice as bad. get out and start a new life. i did and i am glad i did. mental emotional abuse is abuse.

  • Anonymous-45

    i am a 40 year old woman and i disown my family except for 2 syblings. my parents were not good parents we were very poor and put us kids in harms way. my older sister who at the time was in her early teens was seeing a very older man and the parents found out so they signed papers for them to marry instead of putting him in jail. he was a pedaphile and a child pornographer who hurt me and my neice and nephew. they found out and no he was not put in jail . they had my sister divorce him and he took custody of their son. I was always told to sit down and shut up that i dont know what i am doing , even up to i disowned them. i was abused by my first husband and he had his friend rape me. i was told do it or get your azz beat. that happened a few times and him abusing me. i left. secand husband was mentally abusive nothing i did was good enough for him. it had to be like the way his mother did things . i left after 7 months. i later found out that my mother was behind us girls losing our children 2 of us got the child back. one was the pervert we never saw the child again and when my sister was 17 she was forced to give here child up to foster care becaus my mother didnt want any more kids in the house . at the time iit was 6 of us. she got her daughter back after marrying a wonderful man. me after i left my 1st husband i moved home and took my son to visit his dad for 2 weeks then time came to pick him up it was too late. husband filed temp custody. years later i found out mother did that to not hav a kid in the house. I wasnt allowed to fiish high school and when i went to adult high she pitched a fit and i had to move in with my sister. i was never allowed to do anything. stay home sit down and shut up my opinion was never heard and i snapped a few months whan i was told it was all in my head. my younger sibling is the favorite geneious of the family. we were poor and she made me quit school so the sibling can finish his i had old ratty clothes he had nice clothes. i was always told why dont you be like him smart. i gave up i met my 1st husband while i went to adult ed and married him to get out. as for adult ed she came to my sisters house and started a fued and i had to leave because my brother in law was in the military and the m.p was going to be called. so i left. she always said to us kids wish i never had you but wouldnt trade you. and she said up untill the day i disowned her was you damned kids. she disowned almost everyone of us 8. talks crap about them to other siblings. but she has her favorite the youngest. we ended up homeless in the early 80s because they wouldnt hold down a job. walked the streets of my home town a few days untill a sibling took us in . and all i heard was we are going to give you 2 kids to the state and she and dad where going to jump off the bridge.

    thank you all for listening i never told anyone what i told you all. i feel alot better, and i have my son. i have a wonderful man who worships me and my son adn never even raises his voice. wow i feel so much better. thank you for listening oh sorry for misspelling some words.

  • Anonymous-45

    I notcied a pattern here. Most of the abuse is done by the mother. Gets me thinking,

  • Allan N Schwartz

    Actually, no one has a monopoly on committing abuse. It may seem as though mothers commit abuse more than others but that only has to do with responses to this particular forum. Fathers, husbands, wives, and adult children against elderly parents, are all guilty of committing abuse, not only mothers.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Anonymous-46

    I have stumbled across this site, while on a desperate search for some sort of self-help information online to escape the demons of my past. I grew up in a two parent home with three brothers, a distant father who worked outside the home, and a mother who was a home-maker and brutially critical to me. I remember being called bitch, fat, stupid, ugly, slut (although I never had sex until I was 21yrs. old!), selfish, mean. I remember my mother ganging up on me with all three of my brothers, calling me names and ridiculing me until I cried. Then she would tell me that I was over reacting and too "sensitive" and they were all merely joking! It seemed that I was always at the butt of every joke. She would also compare me to my younger brother all the time, saying how loving he was and how she never wanted to have a girl and only wanted all boys. Then she would tell me that she loves my younger brother so much becasue he was also a Pisces like her and becasue I was a Virgo that made me a mean, selfish bitch. I remember her name calling dating back to when I was nearly five years old! I never understood why she loved my younger brother, who mind you we are only a year apart, more than me. If me and my younger brother got into a verbal or physical fight as kids, she would always take his side, blaming, punishing, and verballing abusing me as a result. Luckily I survived a suicide attempt at the age of 15. No one at home new about it, because I took a handfull of random pills from the medicine cabinet and woke up the next day with a really swollen face. Any way I managed to escape my mother as much as possible while in high school by staying busy with homework from my Advanced Placement classes, and working close to full time. By the time I was 18 I went off to college and graduated with honors. I can't believe that I made it through! If I believed some of that stuff my mom told me I would have ended up doped out, prostituting, and doing other various criminal actitivy. I don't even think I would have made it through and completed college. I struggle with the demons, hearing my mother's words everday. It's sad, but I never heard anyone tell me I was beautiful until I went away to college. I never believed it until I started hearing it a lot. Now I have I child of my own now and I'm filled with lost of self-doubt and fear that I will repeat the same things that my mother did to me to my son, who is only 2yrs. old. With the right help and right tools I know that I can get past this, until then I just deal...

  • Hannah Wise

    I am a 16 yr old girl that is almost positive that I have exspierenced all of these types of abuse. I am also a traumatic brain injury patient. I think that my injury may be a key fact in why these have happened to me. I think people don't think I know what is going on. I think that maybe they don't know they are doing this. It doesn't help that I suffer from severe depression. If anyone wants a friend or someone to talk to my myspace is the best place to reach me. look under hannah_banana5555@hotmail.com

    thanx

  • Anonymous-47

    I recently married a guy I had been dating over 3 years.

    Only now am I realizing that this was a foolish decision.

    We have been married only 3 months. The way he has treated me in the past 3 months has left me feeling powerless and worthless.

    He has limited all my outside interactions. He pouts if I want to see my dad or call my brother. I find myself giving into to his control and not calling my friends or family and not contacting those I love because I am afraid of an outburst from him.

    Today when I called my brother who was sick, my husband came by me and screamed, "F***king Loser" at me. All I could think was that I hope my brother didn't hear because I didn't want him to worry about me. This language and treatment has become normal to me.

    My husband tells me, " I don't do sh**t around the house" even though I cook him fancy dinners every night, clean the kitchen, take out the trash, pick-up the bathroom, make the bed, and run all our mutual errands. He has told me I am a f***king lazy a**."

    He is extremely intelligent and will often calls me "stupid," "idiot," or "moron."

    I am starting to believe him and see myself this way.

    He criticizes every thing I do and implies that if I wasn't so stupid I'd do it differently.

    When he is angry at me, he will stand in front of me saying the cruelest things until I am literally sobbing on the floor. It's like he won't stop until he pushes me to that point. And once he does, he just stands there smirking like he won something.

    I have never felt so degraded or worthless in my life. At times I feel like I am going crazy.

    I do not know what to do.

  • Anonymous-48

    Im a 17 year old girl

    Over the past couple of years my bigger brother has been yelling and telling me that he is going to hit me and that he hates me and wants to kill me..Even today he tryed hitting me in the face but he missed when i moved,But he picked up something and through it at me and it me on the back of the head..He tells me that he hates me all the time.

    I dont know what to do anymore I wish i knew how to stop this!!

  • ashlybacon, Ar

    my name is ashly and im about to be 17 me and my mom dont get along and we get into these arguments then she comes out with you make life misarable sometimes i wish i wasnt a mom and that i can go f myself i know its not phsical abuse shes only put me agianst walls i want to live with my sister or grandma im tierd of getting put down and feel like im not worth anything ive asked her to let me move but she wont what do i do im only 16 going on 17 in oct. of this year09 PLEASE HELP ME I DONT WANT THIS LIFE ANYMORE if you have any suggestions plz email me at baconashly17@yahoo.com

  • Anonymous-49

    dear begining signs,

    This problem is not going to go away it will get worse as time goes on. Believe me I know. HE is not an intelligent man treating you like this. Pack up your clothes and personal items. leave stuff behind .. dishes, t.v living room etc. pack and get out fast. HE is beating you down emotionally and to will turn to him hitting you soon. Pack up go to a friends house or families house that he does not know and get a restraining order against him. As i was reading your comment i said to myself, my god she married my ex husband. Change all your passwords on the computer a.s.a.p. change it to a person or place that you only know about. good luck my prayers are with you

  • Beth

    I was born into verbal and pychological abuse from my father, who would pick on me "the worst" as my mom and sister have told me. I have memories of him sexually abusing me, that I choose to ignore because I can't bear for it to be true.

    Well my mom divorced him when I was almost out of Elementary school, only to go out with another man who would strangle and punch her and make comments about "spanking me". I later found out that he liked teen porn, and he liked to see the teens belittled.

    She stopped dating him after a few years and then met a guy and married him after a few months (on her ex-boyfriend's birthday). He is who she is with now, and has been since the early 2000's. But I have to say he is the worst. He screams and yells at both of us especially when he doesn't get his way.
    He uses psychological tactics that makes my mother and I want to die.
    He'll often buy extremely expensive things and lie to my mother (who is brainwashed by him) that we need it and it's the best deal. He also bought something as a gift for me and my mother, only to make me pay for it.

    This all seems almost "okay", but the fact that we are in serious debt and he got fired from his job fall last year makes it "not okay". We are struggling to survive and he keeps on buying things.

    When I tell my mother he's abusive, sometimes she gets angry at me and other times she tells me "she knows", yet she waits on him like she's his slave.
    He's even yelled at her about not having dinner ready by six o'clock.

    I have barely scratched the surface with this evil, cruel man.

    I come out of this being an atheist and mostly lesbian. I'm lucky to have found a wonderful boyfriend recently, and I'm glad he's the first man I've dated (me being 21 now).

    Well, the question is, how can I fix this? I recently lost my job too (the company I worked for went under) and I feel like can't escape. I have nights where I can't sleep and all I will randomly start crying. I have stopped attempting suicide since I was lucky enough to find a boyfriend, but I still sometimes want to die or to kill my stepfather. I've had to protect my mother since I was little and am starting to hate her too.

    I don't want to be a bad person, but sometimes I want awful things to happen to them. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind, but my boyfriend says it's all the abuse that is making me feel insane.

    Where can I start?

    Editor's Note: In the textbook example of how to respond to someone drowning in a pool, the thing you are supposed to do is to throw that person a flotation device (a life preserver) - not actually get in the pool with them. The reason for this is that the drowning person may try to use the rescuer as a floatation device causing both people to drown. I don't know how well this attempt at an analogy fits your situation, but I offer it as a possible fit. You cannot save your mother through direct efforts as she has chosen this abusive path for herself and is the only person who can extract herself from it. However, at age 21 you are capable of functioning independently of the abusive situation at home, and at some level the more distance you can put between yourself and that situation the better. If you can move out of the home into a safer living situation (not a perfect situation but a safer, more distant one), you may gain a little perspective on things that will help you start to heal. Other ways of gaining perspective include participating in support groups for sexual abuse victims and your own psychotherapy (whcih will have to wait until such time as you can afford that, I suspect, but which will very likely be worth your investment when you can manage it). You are not a bad person for having ambivalent thoughts (hating and loving at the same time). That's just normal for the crazy situation you're in and need to find the strength and resources to extract yourself from. Unlike your mother, you did not get a choice whether to participate, but you have one now.

  • Beth

    My stepfather is just like this to both me and my mother.

    You have to get out of this relationship or your life might become a living hell. Go tell family what is going on and move in with them and file for divorce. I don't mean to sound bossy, but this guy WILL ruin your life and identity.

    PLEASE, get out of this relationship, and since you haven't been married to him that long, the easiest time to escape will be RIGHT NOW. People like this will try to get you into something (a pet, get you pregnant, etc) that will make you obligated to stay with them!

    Oh and if you are sharing a computer, make sure to get rid of your browsing history, otherwise he might be able to find out where you've been and hurt you.

    I truly wish you the best.

  • hurt

    hi, i am an 18 year old female that has been abused in every way possible.....at times it is hard to believe that someone that u love acan hurt you this bad but it has happened to me and to others as well....i have been physically abused by my grandmother nad my foster parents. i have been raped twice and one of the people i knew personally which has hurt me to see him each day and be scared to say a word to someone. i have been molested by my stepfather and i have also been mentally and emotionallt abuse by others who told me i was worthless and dumb and that i have no one in this world that cares about me. it is very difficult to live in a world that you believe that no one is here for you and that u deserve to be hurt like i have been. now i am recieving counceling and its helpful but at times i feel as i dont deserve my life and the people that i have in my life. i just want you to know that you are not alone. there are others that feel your pain and you can make it through. if you need someone to talk to be free to email me at xosenia15ox@aol.com . i am always here to reach out to those in need.

  • Tinkerbell

    I am also a victim of sexual and emotional abuse, lost my mother before the age of three. My father remarried an alchoholic abusive woman only 12 years older than my sister. She had a son out of wedlock, left my father then returned pregnant saying that the baby was his. My father took on his responsibility, from there forward I was locked in closets, made to clean vomit (I think she was poisoning me) at 3 years old. Sexually abused by her younger brother, I still remember the black light in his bedroom. Later found out at 35, 2 other cousins were abused, male and female. I finally told my sister at 30 years of age what this guy had done, my stepmother and father instantly insisted that it was not their fault, it was mine. I am now 40 yrs old and disown them, I have 2 beautiful children and finally love myself. Now that I have eliminated them from my life, it is sooo much better. My husband is a nice person, but from day one 14 yrs has told me that I'm mental and have issues from my past. He is very secretive about money, gambles etc....I have no clue what our assets are, any time I ask, he yells at me. He's very intelligent and has called me uneducated a few times. It brings back memories of the emotional abuse my stepmother inflicted. I have never been physically violence, but sometimes out of anger I want to smack him for the name calling and belittling words. I've been to couseling and have been told they never would have guessed my history/childhood background. To all of you out there that has been abused, YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS. The last few years, I have repeated to myself that I'm only here on this earth once, HOW DARE ME LET MY STEPMOTHER CONTROL MY LIFE. If you allow these people to CONSUME your life, then THEY WIN! Enjoy who you are, I woke up one day and said OMG, I NEVER want to be like them!!! It's still hard trying to be a parent, because I didn't have good role models (I only do the best I can) I think my kids like me. :) Hugs to all and please love you for who you are, don't let someone turn you into a MONSTER.

  • Anonymous-50

    fU*K mY LiFe :O

  • Anonymous-51

    My stepfather for years maintained a cruel and sadistic attitude towards me, throwing verbal abuse at me, playing games where he would try to "out do" me in front of my mother. My father died when I was very young. How can these people think they can get away with it? It is disgusting. It is only now that he has decided to try and change his ways. He would talk about his rough childhood and how he'd had it so bad and completely dominated without concern for my feelings.

    He would keep on and on critisizing me for no reason, and often out of some kind of jealousy that he has because he has a poor relationship with his mother, and just kept sabotaging my happiness at any chance, waiting for me to break. And when I did he seemed happy.

    My mother maintained that she "knew nothing" about this creepy side of him before they were married, and they had no respect for my feelings during the entire process which was quick and immediate and without any sense of understanding. It was a cruel and selfish reign of terror which still lasts today as I struggle to make sense of my life and to deal with this unpleasant man who ruined my life.

    He apparantly has some kind of disorder, but of course being a "big boy" he can choose not to get help. He is a wimp and a coward underneath it. Who else would choose to pick on a young teenage boy, and drive them into depression?

    If he died I would pity my mother's feelings.

  • courtney

    how do you do stop sexual abuse

  • Eric The one

    Stepfather's can either be cruel or nice. My stepfather is neither. He is basically the devil. he always put's me down and calls me innapropiate ways. Just deal with the names but the outting down stand up for your self and say NO!

  • mary jane burch

    I am in a relationship and I cannot seem to get this man out of my house he is verbally and Psychological abusive to my children and I, and I have tried to do everything I know to do to get help and no one seems to want to help. The police is saying that we are common-in-law married and I will have to get a divorce from him and I do not have the money and I went through the legal aid service and I will have to put up the filing fee so I am still in the same boat I can not afford it. I am on my way of trying to file bankruptcy so he knows I do not have any money and that is what is getting to me and I feel like I am going to go crazy if I do not get this man away from me soon. He is an alcoholic and he goes out every weekend and drinks and comes home and starts cussing us for any reason he can think of. And I will not let him talk to my kids any kind of way so it ends up he call me a lot of hurting things to me and I just can’t take it anymore. I am tired of being around someone drinking I was raised with a alcoholic father and he did me the same way and it took me so long to prove to him that I was someone and I found out through that I was a strong person but I can not get out of this and I do not want to raise my kids in the same way I was raised. And it seems like this is just too much for me now and I am feeling like giving up and throw my hands up and say I give up but I am not the one to give up that easy so I am getting to the point of knowing way people hurt the ones that are hurting them and I know I will be in jail for what I am thinking. So I am on this site trying to find out something I can do to help myself. And if any one has got an answers feel free to share but I will not stop until I find out a way to get out of this.

  • 15ana15

    well hello my name is ana and my mother has been married for 1 1/2 years and at first when they started it was all fun and games and he was sooooooo nice to me my mom and my sister. but as they got more serious he started to change with my mom, sister, and me. he started to change because he would always tell us what to do like if my sister wore a pink shirt w/black pant and red shoes he would tell her to change and to tuck her shirt in and tell her she ugly and fat by the way she wore the clothes. until one day we told our mother and they began to argue and almost broke up but my mom took him back. but one time he had put me down by saying im ugly, not going to finish school, a loser, say he don't like me, he don't like when i talk he say i talk to much, and when i want to spend time with my mom he would make me do something else.

  • Katie Heartbroken

    I'm 14. My parents went through a divorce when I was 5. My new step daddy came when I was 7. My mom's and acholic. But no, she doesn't drink every day or all the time. But when she starts, she can't stop. She acts like a 3 year old and I have to take care of her. But back to the problem, my "wonderful" mother told my brother who is 5 years older and stronger that he could hit me when I misbehaved and argued with him because "It'd happen to me in the real world when I was being a b****". He always put me down, always made me cry, he didn't hit me all the time, we only got in a bad phsyical fight maybe once a month. He always told mom on me. She always favored him and believed whatever he said. So she'd always argue with me and ground me and make me miserable. Now he's moved out, but things are still bad. My mom always throws my past mistakes in my face. She always pushes me more then I can go. Her punishments can be to extreme and she always makes me feel stupid, and like she hates me. She can be nice sometimes, but for the most part we don't talk, other then when we're fighting. My step dad doesn't care and has never made an effort to connect with me, my mom even told me that. At my real dad's house, oh the crazy step mom. Man, she's insane and they're always fighting. It's terrifing. The last time I was there, I was huddled in the upstairs, bathroom floor, crying and hoping to God it would stop. From all the family and friend problems, I have cut. And I've thought of suicide. I just want out. My friend Mae, pushes me to call Child Services but I don't think I could get out just because of something that minor. And wouldn't I just have to move in with my dad? I wouldn't be happy there. I kind of want to go to a mental instituation to get things figured out and because I need it. I'm crazy. I'm lazy. I'm to irresponible. I'm unwanted and a stuck up brat. I'm a b****. :// They wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. I'm fat and ugly. I forgot to mention that. ://Help me. Email me. Tell me what to do. I need something new.

  • justin

    i think u should call child services because they can help u with ur problems and ur not anything negative. u need to start thinkion postive and let go off the negatvie!

  • Suzee

    I have been belittled, humiliated, embarrased, neglected, bruised, screamed at, and ignored. Just 3 days ago, my husband wouldn't let me out of our room, was poking me to invoke a fight, and unplugged the phone when I tried to call for help. 11 months ago, he left bruises on my arm, I reported it to the police. The magistrate let it go. I've been sleeping on the couch for 11 months. I've gone 10 years without contacts, 15 years without dental care, years without clothes or shoes, all the while hearing "you can't have!" Once in a while, I get a reward for good behavior. Not this year, I am being punished for calling the police on him. He has even tried to convince me that I bruised myself. I've documented everything he's done, including sending text messages to another woman on X-Mas eve as we sat at dinner with family. I'm trying to overcome the abuse. When he stopped me from leaving the room, on Sunday, I took control and told him I knew about the texts and have photos of them. The atmosphere suddlenly changed, he stepped away from the door and made up excuses and lies. (as usual) But the cockyness was gone. I know he needs control of me, he lost it. But I do fear that things will esclate.

  • sam

    Get the hell out of the house. He will not change at all. Do you want your kids to be living in that ? Some kids who are raised in an abusive household end up to be abusers themselves. Do you want that? This man will never never never change. You think it is bad now just wait. Pack up your clothes and the kids and your documents and go to the local church and they will help you to get to a battered woman safe haven. The heck with the stuff in the house. Your life and the kids life are more important. Does he work? Or do you support him? I did it twice and I am happy with life and myself. The heck with him. If you know what is going on then do something about it. I did all the excuse things, oh my stuff. You know what stuff you can get back. Look at your kids and see how they are mentally. He does not love you he is an controller and an abuser. Stop with the excuses now. Exuses dont get you anywhere in life. I did it and you can also. How dare he make you live like that going with out so he can have everything and you and your kids go without. That is not a real man. My name is sam .Please write on this site and let me know. I will pray for all of you. To the kids who are being abused call the cops or go to a teacher . If you cant face a teacher talking about it write a note and hand it to him/ her after class. Or tell your grandparents ot aunt or uncle the ones you trust to help you. I lived it also. The abuse of any kind will not end unless you do something about it.

  • brad

    i have been maeeied to the girl of my dreams or thats what i thought for the past eight years i do most of the cooking and cleaning and i wait on her i rub her feet and tell her how wonderful she is i also tend to the children and maintain a fultime jobin the last two years she has went back to school to get her rn degree now she is out with the girls three to four time a week till five am she callme stupid and tells me that sex with me sucks she spend money like crazy clothes and shoes fast food and bars and when i tell her that her actions make me upset she says i am verbaly abusing her and i dont want her to have any friends and i should get some help i am so confused i have only raised my voice twice in eight years both time when i caught her cheating i am 43 and she is 29 i work 65 to70 hours a week to support our family but she say i am guilty of family neglect she has me so confused somtimes i wish i was dead ami a abuser my kids love me my 17 year old daughter tells me i am a great dad thats makes me feel good i dont know how or when she got this kind of control over me can any one out there give me some advice on what to do e-mail me @radbrad4@yahoo.com thanx

  • Anonymous-52

    I'm going to be blunt, Brad. You're married to a zero. She's a manipulator and a cheater. The only one being abused is you. She's not going to change. Get your finances separate from hers and take your most prized possessions somewhere she can't get to them and file for divorce. You deserve way better. Lots of women would give anything to have a guy who does as much for his family as you do. You can do this.

  • its me

    Brad,

    My advice to you is to leave her sorry butt and i am a 41 year old woman telling you this. First thing you need to do is get your own bank account only in your name and also call the credit card company and close out her account if she is on your credit card as a card holder. watch your butt is all i can say. i have see it before. how old are your children? go find a lawyer and know your rights as emotionally abused man. aslo call up a domestic hot line and talk to them they can lead you . documment everything . if you by something save the reciept. keep any paper work at your job or open a safety deposit box at the bank. first thing is take your name off the bank account and get one only in your name. if she dont like it oh well yes she will cus and scream. also sit down and do a bugdet of the half you will be paying in the household. you sound like a wonderful man. also CLEAR YOUR TOOL BAR HISTORY ANS CHANGE PASSWORDS ON YOUR COMPUTER AND ON EMAIL ETC. the less she knows the better off.

  • Anonymous-53

    I am a 25year old lady. I was unhappily married to a husband that did not provide for me finacialy, emotionally, nothing not even sex. 2years back I got involved in a affair with friends of ours. The guy seemed perfect everything I ever wanted in a man. and his wife just seemed to be rubbing him up the wrong way all the time. She also admitted to having an affair of her own shortly after they got married. Th affair between me and Mr Right continued naturaly growing stronger and stronger. I eventualy ended up sleeping with him after about a year. at this stage he's left his wife they git devorced about 3weeks ago. she opend a case against me for having an affair with her hubby. In the meantime he has changed a lot, he's not that affectunate towards me any more, he got controlling telling me who my friends can be and who not who's nubers I could have and who's not. He even wanted me to make an issue out of the fact that he gave me permission to get on facebook and when I said I alreay did say thank you he ot anry cause he expected more from me. If that happens he usually tells me that ya he expects to much from me and its his fault he should'n t do that he kind of gives me the idea that he's 'higher' than me. He knows my financial state very well as he demanded to see my budget every month. (I stopped doing that as from last month). if we fight he always tells me that he is never right cause I turn the tables on him and make it his fault. He is never wrong and can't make peace, fogive and forget and there is only one way and that is his. Last Sunday he got so angry becourse of a friend who send me his mail adress that he send him ugly smsses and said ugly stuff to him Mr Right ended up hitting his fist against his home office door (bloody). I just lay there in bed watching him as he hopped around promising me if he found my friend in Pretoria that he will kill him. He also accused me of having an affair and said that this friend is probably the guy I am 'fu*** him around with' (His exact words). i just looked at him just to tired af all the weeks fighting over nothing. If I do things he does we fight he has this idea in his head how, when and what i should say, do and reply and if I don't then we fight and he tells me how wrong I am. He even gets jelous of my dogs when I give them attention. We stay together and I do not have a car as my almost X hubby took my car (it was registered in his dads name) i don't have the finances to move and what if I move and out of revege he helps his X wife to build a case against me? PLEASE SOME ONE HELP ME OR DO I DESERVE THIS FOR WHAT IVE DONE I CAN"T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE.

  • Anonymous-54

    What Went Wrong,

    I'm sure there are better people out there that can give you better information on what to do, but I just want to let you know that NO! You DO NOT deserve this. This is not punishment or karma coming back on you for what you did. This is simply you being in a relationship with an insecure man that feeds off of putting you down. You are trying to live in a love-based relationship, when actually you are living in a control-based relationship. There is always a way to get out, and don't you dare think for a second that because of limited finances that you can't. There are shelters you can go to, or perhaps friends or family? The following numbers are for the Domestic Violence Resource Hotline. They will be able to give you referrals for shelters and counselling in your area: 1-800-799-7233 and 1-800-787-3224. They will be able to guide you in the right direction and get you on the path to a better life. But know that you are NOT ALONE, no matter how much it may seem. I wish I could be more help, but I'm struggling with some of the same issues as you are. I left my partner 2 days ago, and I can relate to how scary it is to pull the plug. But after only 2 days away from him, I'm feeling much better. Yes there are the hard parts of the day, but it will be ok, as long as you move forward. Good luck.

  • love you all

    first of all leave him. second of all what kind of case does his ex have against you? having an affair is not a case against you. she is playing mental games with you.do you have family? go to them NOW. this man will never ever change.

    noone has the right to tell anyone how to live or what to do. it is your life and your life only. you can do it. just have faith in yourself.

  • Anonymous-53

    Thnak you for all your comments you don't know what it means to me to know that there is people out there that cares. The ase she has against me is for having an afair with her husband. Now I want to ask something else. Is there some way I can do something to gather up money to pay my debt I have a job and am working hard to pay it off but it is gonna take a long time. I have to do something to speed it up. Any sugestions PLEASE!

  • confused

    recently I have began to wonder if I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. my boyfriend and i have been together for 9 months, we live together, and speak of having a future with each other all the time. problem is his temper and manner of handling arguments. i was late coming home from a girls night out with my best friend because i legitimately got lost (i was unfamiliar with the area i was in) and he would not speak to me for 2 days. he tries to give me the silent treatment when i want to work things out and explain to him i dont mean to hurt him. his policy is an eye for an eye and he will verbally lash out at me til the point im balling my eyes out and feel worthless. a few days ago he had left his phone at work and i was asked to go have a drink with my best friend for her 21 birthday seeing i had missed the actual day since i spent time with him. i would have sent him info on my whereabouts had he had his cell phone with him (i dont have a direct line to his work). i had gotten home an hour and a half before he did, i was not drunk and i had made a ton of food for him for dinner and his work shift the next day. i went to lay in bed because i had a stomach ache he came home i told him how my night was and flipped out on me called me a stupid bitch, wouldnt speak to me for a day and when he did it just got worse. he said he could leave and find "another one (new girlfriend) no problem" if i didnt follow the rules of letting him know where I was. he said he would feel no remorse if we broke up and that i was stupid and couldnt get his simple rule through my head. it hurts so much when he says things like this to me. he does not apologize and says it an "eye for an eye" policy. i hurt him he hurts me back. afterward when i say what he said to me hurt me real bad he just says i need to get over it and fiz it in my brain.i love him so much i dont know what to do its probably just going to get worse but i dont want to admit that. how can i fix this

  • Anonymous-55

    I couldn't help but find some common ground with your comment. I recently had to leave my husband. He was verbally abusive, really from the start (something I have realized now through counseling and discussing his actions toward and letters to me). Since I left, I have also been educating myself on abuse, which I would highly suggest for you to do.

    This has been an extremely trying time for me because I still do love my husband. However I came to realize that if I love him I cannot stay with him. By me staying, I am saying that his behavior is acceptable, and it is not acceptable. One thing about abusers that I have learned is that they are aware of how they are treating the victim. From your posting, it sounds like your significant other is completely aware of how he is treating you and is not willing to compromise his stance. You are correct, it will not get better. My best advice for you is to accept that reality, leave him, educate yourself and seek counseling.

    I know you say you love him, but you have to decide you love yourself more than him. When you make that decision, his actions toward you will no longer be acceptable and/or tolerable.

    some books that have really helped me are:

    The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond. by: Patricia Evans

    Why Does he Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by: Lundy Bancroft

    It's My Life Now: Starting over after an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence by: Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock

  • tinabop

    How long do you stay, tolerate and otherwise not give up when after 17 years you have a "sweetheart", ( we aren't married ) still says things like Shut the F up you F'ing B****, or You F'ing C word, or you F'ing mental...I feel so dumb, I love him, when he is good he is very good but when he is not so good...well, I feel like I am all of the comments above...when I reply in a confrontation, he patronizes me like he never said anything bad...AM I CRAZY for being angry?

  • Amy

    i have been with my husband for 15 years. we both came from bad marriages. he has 1 child and I have 2 we have raised eachothers children as a family. he has been severly ill off and on over the years and i always made excusses for him when he was so mean saying it was due to the meds. but lately it has gotten so much worse. he always calls me a lier and says i cant do anything right. we work together in a small business that we own and with the economy being the way it is he says our financial problems are all my fault. he has been drinking alot lately. and constantly spitting critism. he says i will never be able to do anything myself, that he isnt going to leave me anything except the life insurance policy everything else is going to his son when he turns 30. if i clean the house he says why didnt you cut the grass or if i leave the kids (now 15, 17 & 18) stuff for them to pick up he yells at me or one of my boys even if his boy does it. i seem to always be walking on tip toes not to make him mad. if i get on to his son he yells at me and says why dont you get on to yours. i tell him i do when they do something wrong he says oh that must be another secret thing youve done behind my back.

    im not a bad person, i go to church i have really good, well behaved children, i get told all the time that we wouldnt have any business if it wasnt for me because he really isnt very friendly. but now i have to put on a fake smile, and pretend like everything is wonderful but i cry myself to sleep and when no one is around i cry. i feel like i am worthless! last night i even considered not living anymore. but then i thought about my children thats all 3 boys. lord help me please! i see no way out. i cant leave because the youngest is not legally mine and if he isnt saying these things to me he might turn on him.

    i think im sinking into a major depression. the oldest son is constantly asking what is wrong. i dont know what to do anymore...... any advice is welcome.

  • Anonymous-56

    Amy,

    You are being abused. Based on the information you have provided to me, you are being verbally abused. Which is also concerned psychological abuse, at least according to Patricia Evans in The Verbally Abusive Relationbship: How to recoghnize it and how to respond. Which I would highly suggest for you to read. I think a huge red flag here is the fact that you are considering taking your own life. Even if it was just for a moment, the thought was still there. I know you say you can't leave because your youngest child isn't legally yours. I would have to say, you need to try to figure out how to can leave, for the benefit of all of your children. Seek legal advice. Meet with a lawyer to find out what rights you have. I too was verbally abused by my husband. I just recently left, it has been extremely difficult, however I feel myself returning. It had gotten to a point where I was depressed and I had to work very hard at being myself anytime I was around friends and family who knew me before my husband. I did not want them to suspect anything was wrong.

    Verbal abuse is extremely hard to recognize for the victim, which I why I suggested reading the previously mentioned book. I understand you love your children, but you have to love yourself too. How he is treating you is unacceptable. I hope that you will find a solution that works for yourself and for your children. The present situation does not!

  • Anonymous-56

    Tinabob,

    You do NOT tolerate it a second longer! That is how long. Having just recently left my husband I have really worked on educating myself on verbal and physical abuse. I have done this because although everyone tells me I did the right thing, I still feel wrong at times. Should i have given him another chance...he says he's willing to do counseling? He could be so sweet...am I sure I made the right decision? That is the dialogue that goes on in my head, not to mention that I do still love him, however I must also look at the reality. He was sweet...that is called the honeymoon phase. Which is part of the cycle of abuse. (there are two cycles, I am referring to one that Lundy Bancroft cites in his book...Why does he do that: Inside the minds of angry and controlling men. IN his book he goes into more detail than I will here, but the main thing for you to understand is the honeymoon phase, when the man is very sweet and kind just wraps us into the man more. We think how could he be abusive? He is so sweet at times, and maybe your boyfriend is also well liked and respected by people. My husband was. Which, makes it even harder to believe something is wrong. Instead of getting angry when your boyfriend cuts you down, you might actually think he is right and think I really need to work on not being those things so we can stop having problems in our relationship. Which is how I felt...but it is so wrong. That is an effect of abuse. It is also important to note that verbal abuse (which sounds like the type of abuse you are experiencing) is called "crazy making." Because the abuser denies things you clearly remember happening. Or just like you expressed, you feel crazy for being angry. You should not feel crazy for being angry. You should be angry. So, my best advice for you. Educate yourself. Seek Counseling for yourself. And LEAVE.

    Although my husband says he is williing to get counseling so we can be together. I have to acknowledge a couple of facts. First, he is not willing to admit his abuse. He insists that all of our problems are normal...which makes me feel crazy! If he does not admit his abuse, how can he change? Second, only 5% of abusers change through counseling. Lastly, I want to caution you, abusers are very good at convincing counselors of his/her reality. So, if you decide to go to counseling with your significant other, and he agrees to it. First, I would say do NOT do it. Second, you need to be sure you find a counselor who is educated on abuse and you need to educate yourself. As I said before, the abuser can convince counselors, if the counselor is not educated, that they (the abuser) are right. Second, counseling will provide your abuser with more tools to abuse you. So my best advice in regard to counseling is DO NOT DO IT with him, however seek some for yourself...again with a counselor who is educated on abuse.

    Books to read that I have read: The one listed above.

    The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond. by: Patricia Evans

    It's my life now: Starting over after an Abusive relationship and Domnestic Violence By: Meg Kennedy Duygan and Roger Hock

    I haven't read this last one, but I have it ordered: But he never hit me: the devestating cost of Non-physical violence to Girls and Women by: Jill A Murray

    I hope that you make the deicsion that is best for you. If you decide not to leave, you need to at least educate yourself. But, I do hope that you leave. It will be the best decision you ever made, even if somedays if feels like the worst. I promise. Good luck and all my love goes out to you.

  • laura

    I have read many of the posting here and a lot of them sound like my relationship. I have been married for 21 years this month (june). My husband retired from the military nine years ago. When he first retired we struggled trying to put our lives together in the civilian community. Up until that point we had a rocky marriage but a good relationship. It has been very recent that he started to change, i guess it has been in the last two to three years. I thought that maybe it was his disability and pain that was causing him to be discouraged and upset all the time. But as time went on he started to be more controlling than usual. Then he started to tell me how I don't listen to him and disregard what he says.

    Then about two years ago he started to become verbally abusive calling me names like stupid "B..." or dumb "A..", fat lazy slob. I know I am not perfect, but I have recently gone back to school to finish my bachelors degree. This added to a 40 hour a week job, taking care of the house and homework, I thought he started to feel neglected. But he has started to tell me that if I don't like how things are then get out. He knows that I cannot affort to leave. Part of the restrictions of keeping my job is to finish my degree, so if I stop before I complete the degree I lose my job. So now he takes every opportunity to let me know that he makes all the money. So he does very little if anything to help around the house saying that since he makes all the money I should be happy to have a roof over my head and food to eat and it is my responsiility to make sure everything is clean.

    I do but he makes sure he criticises the house saying that it smells, and I never get off my fat "A.." to clean. So again recently he said he wanted a separation, which means we have no connections, but the reality is that he wants everything to remain status quo while he runs around doing whatever he wants.

    I hate to admit it but his verbal abuse got so bad that the emotional pain I felt made me think that things would be better if I were gone. The two things I held on to was the fact that I did not want to leave that type of pain and legacy for my 15 year old daughter, nor did I want to abandon her alone to his abuse. Most of the time it is directed towards me, but there are times that he directs it toward her. It has made him extremely angry when I interfere, but I would rather that anger be directed to me than her. I did get some help from my GP. He has been really wonderful and patient listening to me but has persistantly tried to get me to seek counseling, which I did for one session, but could not continue. My husband even used that opportunity to say that I better go see the psychiatrist because I am crazy.

    It is so confusing because he will come home late from being out and is very sweet and loving telling me doesn't hate me and want to cuddle. I think the most hurtful thing he did was the other night. He came home late and was being very loving. we were intamate, but then the next morning he started telling me again about how his house was always dirty and how I never clean and I made the mistake of arguing back. Well, that made him even angrier and I also made the mistake of saying something regarding the previous evening and he said "well, you didn't hear me tell you I love you did you?" Just because we were intimate does not mean we are back together and of course all of those other hurtful name calling and threatening remarks. I lost it and unfortunately we were on our way to work as we both work at the same place so I was a basket case and had a hard time getting through the day. I had also mentioned that I could leave and he said fine, take your check and put it in a seperate account and support yourself if you can. Of course he knows I can't so I said he would have to help with child support and he said "what makes you think she is going with you, you dumb "B...."

    I feel trapped. If I leave I don't know how I will suport myself, but I don't know how much longer I can stay. His abuse is getting worse, he is being very secretive, like keeping his cell phone with him at all times, which he did not used to do. he goes outside when he gets a call so I can't hear what he is saying or who he is talking to. He receives text messages all the time now, goes out 3 to 4 times a week, has created a website and his page states that he is single looking for a friends and relationships. When I discovered that I was devistated. I still cannot figure out what I did that was so wrong.

    When i try to get him to talk to me about it all he says is that he is not going to go into it again and we have talked about it enough and I should shut the "F..." up and stay out of his business because we are separated as far as he is concerned. I feel trapped, lost and have no one I can talk to. In spite of his actions the only people I know, know us both and I don't want to put him in a bad light. All the friends I had before we were married are gone and the only friends I was able to have were the wives of his friends. I just don't know what to do anymore. he has never hit me but has often raised his hand as if he were going to strike me in anger but never follows through. Sometimes I think that would be better to the mental torture he puts me through.

    My pain has been so extreme to the point that I had started cutting myself because the pain on the outside distracts and lessens the pain I feel on the inside even for just a little bit. I do not feel the need to do that anymore as he has lessened the amount of abuse when he noticed what i was doing, but that last for about a month and if I cry he says gets even angrier because he says I am trying to manipulate him and it won't work, so I try not to cry in front of him if at all so he doesn't get angry.

    Please excuse my rambling, I am not even sure if I made any sense but I felt the need to vent my frustration and it seems as though you all have gone through similar experiences.

  • Layla

    I am the step-mother of 2 wonderful boys. They are 7 and 8 yrs old. I have gotten myself in over my head! When I met their father, I had no idea what I was getting into. I fell in love with him, 3yrs ago. He was living with his parents due to a divorce from the mother of his children. I have done all I can do to try to include their mother in our lives due to the fact that "Greg" has custody and has had since they divorced. I am older than "Greg" and I myself have 3 other boys, 2 who are over the age of 21, and a 12 yr old. I also have a 5 yr old grandson. Age has never been a problem for Greg and myself. My reason for all of this is the love that i feel for the family I am now responsible for. This woman "mother" has called me every name in the book. She has accused Greg of molesting his children...which was totally unfounded because she decided that she didnt want me to be raising her children. She tried to get custody under the pretense that I was unfit. She lost! And now because 5 yrs ago....she was ordered $10.00, ( yes...ten dollars a month child support on two children.) She is now angry at me...has called me every name in the book...and she is going to sign her rights away to her children because I am in the picture. She tells her children that it is all my fault that she cant have them. She also wont give our youngest son his ADHD meds because she doesnt approve, yet went to the psychiatrist with me....hows that work? I fight with Greg all the time because as a mother I see her side too....but then she pulls this bs on me...making it all my fault that she doesnt have her boys....is it my imagination or am I being abused emotionally and verbally? there is so much more to my story....please reply? I feel as if I am the only step mom out here that has a husband that has custody being abused by the ex wife.....I am ready to leave...but I love my husband and most of all I love his children...What do I do? HELP!!!!!!!!

  • Laura

    Ok well I am 17 yrs old going to be 18 soon. My mother is definitely mentally abusing me the best she can. She always puts me down, makes me feel stupid, and has caused me to hate myself. She is a b*tch towards my dad,whom I am very close to if I may add. She treats him terribly. He lost both of his older brothers in a 9 month period and he has had a heart attack in '06. I look out for him the best I can, but she doesnt give a rat's ass about him. It's honestly like she is trying to kill him. I also have 2 older half brothers. Which I dont get along with because they are perfect and do no wrong. I'm the "little rebel demon child" that gets away with everything. Which I'm really not that kind of person. To be honest I don't know who I really am. I grew up being whoever she wanted me to be she controlled my life. I made alot of mistakes in my life because of her. She thought she was leading me down the right path when really it was the path to hell. Everything that can go wrong in my life pretty much is. My dad would divorce her but he works so much more than her and makes so much more money than her, that he would have to pay her $2,000 a month. She is a lazy ass. She does not cook. I do. She does not clean. I do. I do everything around this house. I'm not sure but I really don't think this is how a teenage should be living. I want to go out and have fun and live. My mom lies to my dad all the time about everything. When I was growing up she always made him seem like this big mean monster. And my dad was never around when I was younger because he had to work overtime bc my mom would only work part time. So I'm trying to find a job which is very hard right now in this economy, just so that I can help my dad. I'm 17 I have no friends. No one likes me at my school. I'm going to be a senior and I dont know how I'm going to cope through this school yr. Any advice ? Please help

  • Raging Idiot

    I fell for a controlling, abusive and manipulative man, who, like most of this type, has some awesome qualities. But, he's only apologized for the violence once (weeks later) he doesn't do the tv thing of "I'm sorry, I love you, I'll never do it again". (The violence ended shortly after I had his child.) He tells me that we're not together we're not in a relationship (we lived together for a while) he tells me repeatedly that he doesn't want or love me. Yet, I continue to try to be with him. He does things for me (fixes stuff, goes out of his way to help with things that do not affect him) so I tell myself he cares for me. He seldom shows me any affection that is not sex-related. He knows I crave affection (the whole lovey-dovey, cuddly, hold-hands thing) and purposely withholds it. The only thing that seems different about my story is that he is totally unapologetic for his behavior he's proud of his attitude towards worthless females like me He doesn't claim to want to be with me and tells me that I'm not worth marrying. The only time he seems passionate towards me is when he says how he loves what a slut I am but once the passion has subsided then he belittles me for that very thing. I used to be a tough, won't-take-crap-from-any-man kind of woman. Now, I find myself begging him to let me come see him and battling depression because he hangs up on me or won't answer my calls or doesn't talk to me for a few days. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Can someone please tell me WHY I can't walk away from him even when he tells me to?

  • casey

    my dad was always miserable when i was a kid. he always talked about what would happen when he died he said when i die youre gonna be pouring tears. he always told me not to trust anyone. he yelled alot and was always stressed and unpleasant to be around. i believe that my mental problems are because of him. he had a gambling problem as well and he always complained about how his back hurt or his hips hurt. he doesnt do anything for himself.. my mom waits on him. if his cell phone is in the kitchen and they are watching tv she automatically has to get it for him, he wont get up and do it himself. if he left something upstairs she automatically has to go get it for him. stuff like that. and whenever i got good grades on my report card.. he couldn't care less. he calls me fat sometimes. he says hes joking around but 13 year old girls dont want to be called fat.. hes also very impatient. would anyone say that this is mental abuse? i dont know what to call him.. mentally abusive.. or what?

  • confused

    you think you are so confused, I face the same situation. My kids are 11,4,&1. My husband has reach the point where he talks bad to me in front of our children. I am so scared too. Just like you, he knows I can not afford to leave. The two things I have going for me are the strength/good health of my children and I have a job. It has gotten to a point where he also has naked pictures of the women he is messing around with in our house. Can you imagine if one of the children saw that? He cares nothing about me all he does do is make me feel bad about my self and continously blames me for him not having any money. (Hello, if you are f... other women of couse it is going to cost). I do not even know where to go with this, lawyers are expensive and I do not have any friends. I do not know why I am typing this.......

  • Gem

    Hi everyone not really sure if this is the right thing to do but really not sure what to do about my situation.

    I've been with my husband for a total of 4.5 years married for 1.5 in that time. We have a 10 month old son. I used to have a good job, social life and lots of confidence. Now I work for hubby (he's had his own business for 10 years) look after house entirely and our son but I can't seem to please my husband anymore. He calls me the most discusting names, blames me for everything if something is slightly wrong. For instance son pinched his finger in a draw while back when I was getting ready one day. He wasn't hurt just didn't a little cry and that was that. Husband goes mental calling me a useless mother, a (not sure if I can put this) c**t and a waster. Now I can't stop my little boy from having every little accident but I just feel a bit fraught when hubby is around encase something happens. Anyway hubby was in kitchen last night and baby doesn't the same thing (different draw), I was upstairs and I get the torrent of abuse again, same name calling, this time telling me to leave and that he's taking my son away from me. I wasn't even in the room! I am a good mum I know this everyone says they can see we have a great bond we have ,apart from hubby. All he's interested in it seems is scoring points. He won't help with baby won't do anything in fact says he works full time so he shouldn't have to help. His has a hobby which is fine but he is very extreme about so it meants for a good 7 months a year he's probably home for 3 nights a week. He's even missing his sons 1st birthday this year and doesn't seem to care. When I mentioned that maybe he should be there he went mad and said I make his like hell and wished I was dead! We have mutual friends and last weekend he calling me an unfit mother in front of them because my son has nappy rash. I have got to my wits end. I have had a normal upbringing. Not rich but had everything I needed, whereas he had slightly more but for some reason he just keeps calling me a waster. My family have always worked, I have always worked, I worked the day before I had baby and went back 2 weeks later. I know i should be stronger but I kind of don't react anymore. I don't want to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself. But I am starting to feel like I haven't achieved as much as him I don't earn the money so therefore I can't answer back. I really need to leave, I know its only a matter of time before he probably meets someone else, he has no repect for me so I can't expect anything less. The main reason for staying is being reliant on him for money, putting a roof over our head. my son loves him and I always wanted my children to have both parents like I did but I am not sure if I am doing the right thing letting my son hear him talk me to like this. I could go to my parents but only for a short time. I am also terrified of him taking my son he threatens to take him away all the time - not sure if he could but I can't afford the mortgage on our house so i would have to leave so am worried that he would take my son from me as he has the money coming in. As I read this back I can't believe that I am in this situation I always thought I was quite a good judge of charactor but clearly not. My husband has gone from a kind repectful gentle person to a complete pig. I need to leave I know this - does anyone have any words of wisdom to help me get my life back again without hurting my son or worse still having him taken any from me? thank you.

  • Stephanie

    I read your thing, and I thought that I wrote it. I am in the same situation. I am the same age and was mentally abused by my mother to the point that I'm not sure who I am, but I know who I want to be. I was also abused by my father, but he doesn't do it anymore, and I am closer to him than I am to my mother. My mother doesn't work at all, she lays in bed all day and sleeps. My father goes to work, not a great job, but he works and is acting as a single parent. I try to help him out as much as possible, but I also want to get out and live my own life. Message me back and I can tell you how I am learning how to deal with it. I'll be praying for you. God bless.

  • Landa

    Laura - I was so touched by your entry and it reminds me of my mother. My mother was married to my father for about 9 years. During that time he was immensely cruel to her and always put her down. My mother started college, but unfortunately, decided to stop going. When she stopped going he became even more controlling. Whatever you do, find peace within you. NEVER give up on school...NEVER. Your education will benefit you greatly. I know your husband has chosen to live another life, but you cannot control him only how you react to him. Do you work out? Everytime you are watching TV, get on the floor and do some type of exercise to help clear your mind. This will benefit you in two ways. First, it will help you to be in better shape and secondly it will give you the confidence that you need. And finally, find outside activities that you enjoy. Whatever your faith, become more involved in your place of worship. They always need volunteers for the food pantry, outreach or anything else.

    Your husband's mental abuse can destroy you if you let it. By creating a barrier and keeping yourself busy with your job, education, exercise and faith it will distract you and keep you out of his line of sight. The more you beg him for his attention the more he will enjoy treating you badly. Don't be surprise if he becomes even meaner, he'll notice that he is losing control and that's a good thing! Make sure you affirm the love for yourself everyday. Stand in the mirror and say, "I love myself and I am going to take care of myself everyday. Even if no one else loves me, I LOVE ME!"

    Don't give up! My mom did and passed away in 2004 because she wouldn't take care of herself and was more concerned with my dad. Where's my dad? He remarried and has reinvented himself into this loving husband..it's truly sickening!

    Stay focused and I wish you well,

    Landa

  • jane

    my lifepartner has prostate cancer and is unemployed, i imagine he is dealing with alot of stuff, and his personality is loving most of the time but when he comes home from the gym at nite he becomes a dr. jeckle, mr. hyde personality and it is really impossible to be around him... even though i have sat down with him to tell him that i recognize this behavior is unacceptable and that every time he does this i have to go upstairs to get away from him. it is becoming quite irratating to say the least. i did tell him that if he insists to act like this there will be large consequnces and problems for him in the future.. but that didn't help me... the feeling of being really stuck in this situation is overwelming..because i really do love him. last nite when i looked at him physically i really saw another person, he looked very upset,angry,and his face was all tight. he is the type of person that doesn't talk that much about himself and won't let you into his private world. i don't quite know how to get through to him and feel very bad for him.. if anyone reads this and can help i would greatly appreciate it. i have been with this man for 27 years. i want you to know that he is a really good hearted man and usually very kind. i would more like to help him than leave him...

  • Salma

    Hey i really understand what you are going through cause im going through the same thing... Ive delt with my mother verbaly and mentaly abusing me my whole life .. im nearly 19 .. so i can understand how hard it is for girls around our age ..cause our mothers are the ones that are meant to love us and be there for us not break us down.. Its good that you have your dad... My dad used to verbally abuse me too til he found out i had depression hes been nice ever since. Im not living at home anymore .. i stay with my grandparents now..its better than living at home.. Hopefully you have somewhere else you can stay cause you really dont deserve to be treated that way.. no one does. Just know your not alone ! Just live for yourself and no one else .. dont let your mum bring you down ..maybe shes got her own crap to deal with but thats no excuse to treat u badly.. you deserve to be happy .. its cool that you wanna what you want from life that helps a lot, Hope all is well tc!

    xx

  • Sidney =] Nichole

    Im in the 8th grade a Warfild Middle School.Im doing a project about abusse even though iv never had been abused but theres people in my school how has.So I feel like I should do this subject cause I will never know how it feels.but iv wached videos and it sounds awfull.

  • im falling apart

    I have dated a man for three years. It took him a year to go and meet my parents. And after that he would never go there he said they was boring and don't have anything to talk about. Every night we would have to go to his families andon weekends as well. He got to where if i went and seen my parents he would tell me something like go and just drop me off at the bar and when you get done just pick me up. Knowing i hate when he goes there because of his past with "messing around" on me when he was there. Well the fighting and arguing has progressed and its out of controll now. His family is calling me telling me i am not safe and that if we bump heads again i am going to lose everything and he means everything. (Words of his father) Also that he is going to snap and its not going to be pretty. I told my now ex that i couldn't live this way always fearing something is going to happen.

    In our relationship, anyone and everyone i talked to he would say was worthless, a slut, anything and everything to just not get a long with them. Yet his friends were in and out of jail all the time into drugs none of them have their own place all still living with their parents. Just no good. When i meet my now ex he still lived with his mother at the age if 24. I am two years older than him but i had my own place a really good job and two amazing children. Well he moved in with me right away. I worked third and he would hang out all night then come home when the bars closed sleep with me during the day and off to the night life againwhen i went back to work. Well he thought my job was the problem. So i quit and went to work where he dad worked. Well he dad no longer works there so that job became a problem. But it wasn't a problem when i had to pay all the bills and take care of him. So we faught and faught about that. Like i said the fighting got worse. I was always a whore or slut or something. He never went completely crazy on me but he would slap me around a lot. Anytime i didagreed with him he would tell me its not juxt your way you need to let me be the man of the house. And i would tell him i have been waiting for you to do that. He could not get along with my seven year old daughter for nothing. I mean everythime she would say anything he was getting on her and then when i would get on him he would go off and say i need to be a better mother. I know all parents stick up for their children but honestly she is a good girl. She is very smart loves schoolbut she is overweight and to him that just isn't good. He would stop her at the dinner table but let our youngest eat anything and everything anytime. the youngest was allowed to have pop and my oldest wasn't. When she asked why he would never tell her but i knew. Or the youngest could play and bring all her toys out to the living room once my oldest stepped out she had to go back to her room.

    Well i talked to him the other day for the first time and told him i was going to be going out and that i didn't want any trouble. If he would see me out and talking to anyone he is one of those guys that loves to fight other men for ne reason. He said you need to be a parent and sit my ass at home. Well its been 3 mnths of sitting and i need a break. He told me all i want to do is go shake my ass and get some attention. I am not going to lie. I would love to have some attention! I know a am slowly get more and more depressed everyday. He go out and takes girls out all the time but i am not allowed STILL. he call at 3 in the morning when the bars close and want to come over and when i tell him no he'll say who's over there who are you sleeping with now. I have never never cheating on this man. I worshipped the ground he walked to serving him his plate to cloth in the morning and a warm towel after each shower.

    there is so much more but i feel like i am sinking in a hole and can't get out

  • Stephanie

    I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. You need to get rid of him, break up with him. If he is one of the violent types that will smack you around or stock you after breaking up with him, then call the police and get a restraining order. Your situation is not healthy at all, he just wants to control you. You can find a great guy who will treat you the way you need to be treated and will treat your kids right too. It is possible, because I have found one. To me it sounds like he needs to grow up a lot. I'll be praying for you. God bless.

  • Anonymous-57

    Realize he doesn't have an anger problem... He's a sexist, and he's being abusive because he doesn't think of you as a person with feelings.

    Forget about going to the bar for now-- reach out to nice people who can be a help to you. Stay sober, when you drink with an abuser he can hurt you or put you in dangerous situations much easier.

    If you can, start hiding money until you can have a choice about getting away from him.

    Keep an open ear to your daughter. Let her know she can tell you anything. She may be approached by other manipulators or even your boyfriend-- if your boyfriend is eroding her self esteem, she will be a 'loser magnet'. Believe her if she tells you boys are pressuring her for sex or to take drugs etc, even if you think it is too young to worry about such things.

  • Anonymous-58

    I AM 24 yEARS OLD. iVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 4 YEARS AND WITH HIM FOR OVER 6 YEARS. I'M NOT SURE IF THIS IS ABUSE BUT WHEN I DON'T LISTEN TO MY HUBBY OR SO SOMETHING WRONG HE TAKES THINGS AWAY FROM ME. HE CALLS IT PRIVELESGES. LIKE LAST NIGHT I FELL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH SO HE TOOK MY CELL PHONE AND MY CAR KEYS SO I CANTCAN'T GO ANYWHERE. HE ALWAYS THRETENS ME BY TAKING MY PRIVELEDGES AWAY. HE TAKES MY COMPUTER, SMOKES, SODA, KEYS, MONEY, HOUSE AND CELL PHONES. HE ALWAYS IGNORES ME AND OUR KIDS BY PLAYING VIDEO GAMES ALLL DAY! WELL HE'S NICE TO ME WHEN HE IS HORNEY. AND IF I SAY NO HE TRYS TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY OR PUTS ME DOWN SAYING I'M LUCKY HE EVEN STILL WANTS ME OR TAKES STUFF AWAY. IF I SAY NO HE IGNORES ME AND SAY I HAVE TO CUZ WE ARE MARRIED AND U CAN RAPE YOUR WIFE, I DONTDON'T EVEN ENJOY IT OR I WILL CRY DURING IT. THERE WERE MANY TIMES HE WOULD STAY IN BED AND NOT HELP ME CLEAN OR TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS BECAUSE I MADE HIM ANGRY. HE SAYS SINCE I DON'T WORK ( I TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS) THAT NOTHING IS MINE OR ANYTHING. HE DONTDON'T SEEM TO CARE THAT THE KIDS ARE CRYING OR IN THE ROOM AND TRYSTTYS TO HAVE SEX EVERYDAY. HE TELLS ME I AM A HORRIBLE WIFE IF HE DONTDON'T GET IT AT LEAST 3 TIMES A DAY AT LEAST. IMI'M SO TIRED OF FEELING LIKE IMI'M A PIECE OF CRAP. HE ALWAYS CALLS ME NAMES WHEN I MAKE HIM ANGRY, LIKE A MORON, IDIOT, BAD MOTHER, HORRIBLE WIFE, B****, eVERYTHING. HE HAS NEVER HIT ME BUT I FEEL LIKE IF I MAKE HIM MAD ENOUGH THAT HE WILL. ONE DAY I TRIED TO TAKE HIM XBOX AWAY SO HE LOCKED ME OUTTA MY HOUSE AND SAID IF I DONTDON'T GIVE IT BACK HE WOULD CALL THE COPS AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER ON ME FOR HARRASSMENT BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. HE TELLS ME WITHOUT HIM I WONTWON'T HAVE ANYTHING CUZ HE WILL GET CUSTODY OF MY KIDS SO ILLI'LL NEVER SEE THEM EVER AGAIN. THATSTHAT'S THE MAIN REASON IMI'M STILL WITH HIM. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO NOT HAVE MY KIDS WITH ME. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. IF I DID LEAVE I HAVE NO WHERE TO GO CUZ MY FAMILY IS IN CANADA AND WE LIVE IN THE US. HE THREATENED THAT IF I TRY TO LEAVE AND GO HOME HELLHE'LL REPORT THE VAN AND KIDS STOLEN AND GET ME ARESTED. HE ALSO DONTDON'T TAKE OF THE KIDS .THERE'S SO MUCH MORE BUT I CAN NOT CONTINUE . I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT. WHAT DO U GUYS THINK?

  • Anonymous-59

    Yes this is abuse, You need to let him know that you are not his child you are his wife and you need to be treaded that way. You sound like nice person and one would be luck to have you. You dont need to stay where you are not happy. like you said you neveer know if he is going to hit you. it would be best if yall counld tlk about it and if that dont work get out of it before its to late.

  • Cass

    I figured that it couldn't hurt to ask. I am 15. My mother often punishes and puts me down for the smallest of reasons. Mostly she uses "the silent treatment". If I do anything she doesn't like, she almost outright tells me what exactly the kind of kid she thinks I am and puts down what I care about. My dad is sick with cancer so he knda doesn't seem to do much, even though she yelles at him too. Oh, and she also denies things that I obviously know she did. All this only happens when we do something that she disapproves of, so she's normally nice otherwise. Is this abuse?

  • tryingsohard

    I am seeking a group, some where that I can talk to other parents who understand and may be give advice. I was abused physically, emationally and sexually as a child. I was able to testify and get my father put in jail, but not for what he did to me, but what he did to another girl. My mom and I have a better relationship now, but I have three kids. I find myself having soooo much trouble knowing what to do, restraining anger and even find my self almost punishing them the ways I was. I dont have any desires to do any sexual abuses THANK GOD!!! But when they arent listening, or they do something wrong then lie to me, I just find my self almos going into the punishments my parents used. I havent ever really hurt them physically, I have always stopped my self first, but I came close. I have said things in anger that were wrong, mean and hurtful. I love them so much, I dont want to hurt them. Please if you know where I can get help, tell me. I want it so bad. I am scared to really tell people I have said these things, or even almost hurt them, like slap them or whatever... I dont wnat someone to think I am a bad mom. It isnt bad when my husband is here...but he is working in a different state and it is just me. I am begging for help, and please dont think bad of me. Or call me bad things. I wouldnt be here if I didnt want help.

    I just want to know, if anyone knows where I can go to get this help, so I dont do anything I dont want to. I never want my kids to hurt like I did. I never want them to hide from me, or be afraid to say hi or hug me, fearing if I am in good or bad mood. I never ever want this. I want them to know that if they make a mistake we will fix it together and I will teach them, not hurt them.

    BUt I am not sure that is always what I will do, because sometimes... I get angry, or stressed, and my first reaction is to do more. I dont know what else to say...

  • Concerned Mom

    I have a little girl, age 9, type 1 diabetic. Been through a lot of struggles, and need advice!

    Let me start by saying, My daughter lives with me and my husband, her real dad lives with his girlfriend who has no children.

    I have lots of concerns and want to know if this would be considered any type of abuse.

    My daughter goes to her dads on every other weekend. While there the girlfriend use to try and measure up insulin, didn't matter if it had air bubbles or not my daughter was made to inject herself anyways. Even got to the point to where the girlfriend call her own father and made my daughter speak to him so he could also tell my daughter how ignorant her mother is for making such a big fuss over air bubbles. Needless to say I eventually resolved most of that, I switched my daughters meds to pre-loaded insulin pens, no more drawing up insulin:-) 1 problem gone for now!

    My daughter is constantly told if she cries or whines about anything, how NO ONE likes cry babies or NO one likes to be around Whiners, well after my daughter was told this constantly, she began punching herself, and taking keys and digging holes into her hands! I feel it was related to this, she would always come home and ask me if I loved her,, that broke my heart!

    My daughter was also in sports, her father paid to sign her up, that was nice, then he told me I have to pay for her ball cleats, pants, socks, bat, mitt, batting gloves! Well I did, I am so tired of arguing with him, it's easier to just do it! My daughter was at a game, she got real pail, very shaky, I knew she was hitting a low and her blood sugar dropped,, I tested her, sure enough she was extremely low, I immediately had her start drinking juice and eating to bring her back up, told the coach she can't go in until her sugar level goes back up, he understood. I asked my daughter to sit down and I will be back to retest in 10 minutes. Times up, I am back to retest, the girlfriend of her father, was standing by my daughter, and stormed off,, I was confused. What just happened, did my daughter say something that upset her? NO, it was me that upset her because I come over on purpose to interrupt her??? HUH... WHAT... This is my daughters life,,, are you kidding me? My daughter needs immediate attention this is something that can not be overlooked!! My daughter had to go home with her father that night, the next morning was practice, I always go to games and practices! My daughter came up to me and said thanks to you momma, (dad’s girlfriend) will not be coming to games or practices. I said why, she said because you did that on purpose and interrupted her. I said honey I am sorry she told you that, but your life is far more important to me than to worry about interrupting someone! My daughter said well she said isn't that something I pay for you d*** ballgames and I can't even see any of them, tell your mom thanks!

    My daughter has even been to work with her dad's girlfriend and was made to sit in a dog bed all day!!

    Every time the girlfriend is mean to my daughter by cutting her down or me, then to make up she just goes and buys her stuff.

    My daughter is told what happens at her dads house stays at her dads house and its none of her mothers business, and if she tells she better not expect to do one thing the next time she comes over!!

    The girlfriend also makes little remarks in front of my daughter, she will say,, oh don't talk in front of her she will go home and tell her mommy!

    My little girl came home just last night saying my daddys girlfriend can't stand you, or to stand to look at your or even stand to be in the same room with you!

    I had my daughter start seeing a therapist, I thought, am I nuts or is this abuse! Little did I know, the therapist happens to be good friends with my daughter’s fathers lawyer, and has now determined there is nothing abusive at all about any of this???

    Is it just me, am I making more out of this ,, someone please give me your opinion!

    Concerned Mom!

  • Stephanie

    One thing that you can try to do is learn how to control your temper. You can learn by holding back when you are really uspset, and go scream in your pillow or punch a punching bag for a while, then come back to the situation and handle it calmly. Also you can try to do some kind of aerobic exercise each day. Aerobic exersices are suppose to help you calm down. If you can't go to a gym, then go to a store and look for videos that you can do from home.

    Another thing is asking God to help you control your temper. I have had an anger issue as well, and I did these things, but it helped a little, not fully, so I asked God to help me with it, and my temper was finally under control. I still get angry and upset, but I don't blow up like I use to. Anyways, I hope you find some of this stuff useful. I'll be praying for you. God Bless.

  • Anonymous-60

    If I were in that situation, I would've had patience up until the point that the girlfriend interfered with my child's health.

    Honestly, there are two advice methods I have for you.

    1) go to the store and buy a louisville slugger and beat that b***'s head in. nobody would mess with my kids. shes straight up askin for it.

    2)the legal method would be to start documenting it and possibly recording your daughter when she says these things. Then i would file for sole custody on the grounds that the situation with her father is unhealthy and she is being neglected and abused. the recordings would be directly from your daughter and the court should honor that.

    Good luck.

  • Anonymous-56

    I hope that my comment will reach you. I know it has been about a month since you wrote, but I just came across your concerns today. I am so sorry about your experience. I recently removed myself from an abusive situation. I can empathize with you and want to provide some advice. First, I would stop listening to what your husband says about him getting the children. I would also start to educate myself. Read books about abuse to learn how to deal with it. If you can, meet with an attorney, ask what your rights are if you were to pursue a divorce. Abusers do not change, and my friend you are being abused on many levels. I know he hasn't hit you, yet, but there are many other types of abuse and you are experiencing them. I can also assure you, unless he does get professional help he will hit you.

    I would give you a word of caution for the professional help. A couple of things must be present before I would even consider going to counseling with him. First, he must take responsibility for the problem and not place any blame on you. Because the problem is ALL his. Second, you need to go to a counselor who is educated when it comes to abuse and wants to make you a part of the process...meaning: they will be in contact with you to get your experience, but will not necessarily expect you to be in the sessions. If these things are not in place, I would not go to counseling with him because it will give him more ammunition against you.

    I feel like there are so many things to say to you, but I don't want to overwhelm you with info. I just hope that you pursue a way to get yourself in a healthier situation...because it is no way for you and your children to live. And it is not what you want your children to accept as "normal."

    Books to read:

    Why Does He do that? Inside the miinds of Angry and controlling Men.

    The Verbally Abusive relationship: how to Identify it and How to respond.

    contact your battered women's shelter...figure out your rights as a mom. I can't say that enough. GET OUT. Best of luck to you.

  • Anonymous-61

    i been there

  • sade j

    is it abuse if a man has sexual intercourse by mutual consent with a women with alzheimers disease?

    Dr. Dombeck's Note: At issue here is whether the woman's dementia had rendered her incapable of making responsible adult decisions. This is a practical, ethical and legal question. It would be useful to speak with the woman's physician (who might know something) and/or neuropsychologist (who would know something) to get a better handle on how far along she is. Past a certain point of brain damage from the illness, she would likely be incapable of giving consent, and that is where the issue of abuse would enter. It's considered abusive when a pedophile has sex with a young child even if that young child has "consented" to that action, precisely because in the eyes of the law and society, young children are incapable of giving real consent. Your situation is similar in nature.

  • tammy b

    hi my name is tammy... i grow up in a disfuncinal family were my dad would come home from the bars and pull out his gun and we would all hide. my mom had 9 kids thay would put me down all the time. when i got 14 my mom said she did not want me and sent me to my sisters place to live she had this boy friend that would try to sleep with me i would tell her she would say deal with it i ended up sleeping with him to get away from my family we moved in with each other he woul hit me all the time we were to geather for 10 years. he would do things you would not even imagin he would bring home women to sleep with i would wake up and catch him and i would allways forgive him. we moved to a difrent county he ended up moving in with some one. so i started to go to counseling and met a security gaurd. we ended up to geather my ex took me to court and took our 3 kids he had a criminal recourd but becouse i didnt work the judge gave them to him. he could make a prist beleave him any way i got married to don we have 3 kids togeather i have 6 all to geather he puts me down i went back to school and be came a c-n-a i can not keep a job i get anziety real bad he calls me a leach i have to beg if i want monney he has slept out on me a couple of time every thing that gos wrong is allways my fault i dont even keep my self up any more he makes fun of me and my kids laugh to boy that hurts so bad my older 3 kids hate me becouse there dad died and thay blaim every thing on me when i was wth my first husban he would do and sell drugs well after i had my firs son these people came to our house and hit me in the head with a gun and told my husban when you pay us we will bring your wife and month old baby back me and my son were in a trunck for 4 hours untill my husban came up with the monney im 43 years old this happend when i was 19 my first husban died and i have been with don for 15 years he tells me for me watching my 3 kids now its for my room and borde i never went to high school i have no self esteam i feel traped if i get a job i have no car and no child care tammy

  • clarissa

    OMG Tammy!!

    First off, know that you are a beautiful person who deserves better. You have spent more than half of your life being abused. You are a individual who is worth loving. There is someone who will do just that. As a parent, you have children that you have to show that this is not okay. To live like this and let this go on only confuses them as to how things should be. Don't let you or your kids suffer a day longer. Tammy, from the pit of my heart, I hope that you get help. To endure this agony-know that you are a strong ass woman. I really hope realize your abilities. Tammy, you are able to overcome this darkness that has hendered you for so many years. Don't cry another night. I wish you the best!!! Know that you are Loved.

  • Anonymous-62

    I'm an 18 year old female, a freshman in college.

    Ever since I was about 12, my dad has always physically or verbally abused me. He constantly hits me, usually on the back of my head, resulting in horrible headaches. He calls me a b****, a bast***, tells me to go to f****** hell, and tells me I'm useless and worthless. He threatens me, and tells me he'll stop paying for my college education and kick me out of the house.

    He's thrown books at me, pencils, whatever small object he can get his hands on.

    It's hard for me to tell my mom these things, because my dad will find a way to turn the situation around and blame it on me.

    Some days I'm so depressed, and want to end everything.

    What can I do?

  • Stephanie

    The first thing you need to do is, find another place to stay. As far as paying for college, look into financial aids and see what you can do to help yourself pay for college. The way you are living is not acceptable! You do not deserve to be treated like crap! I know that it's difficult to get out of the situation, but try your best. See if you can stay with a friend, or another relative, someone that you can trust. I don't know if you have a job, but if you don't then try to get one to help pay for college, and definitly look into financial aids. You can get out of this situation, I have faith in you! God bless!

    -Stephanie

  • rkyobo

    Sweetheart, you just need to contact social services and tell them you need some parenting classes that will help you to know the best way to deal with situations with your children. I'm a christian psychologist who works as a domestic violence counselor. Many people who were abused as children themselves are high risk to be abusive with their own children since that is what they have learned. You only need to learn parenting skills. You will be amazed at the help you can receive. You don't even have to tell them that you are worried that you may become abusive - just tell them that you are having problems knowing the right way to discipline your children and to make them obey you. There are also some excellent books that can help you as well. One is called "Go To Your Room!: Consequences That Teach" by Shari Steelsmith. Raising children is tough! But there is help out there for you. Do you have a church you attend regularly? Getting yourself and your children in a good Sunday School is also very helpful. A strong support group is very important in child-rearing. God bless!

  • Sam

    I ask myself everyday why would GOD put us in these type of positions but never got an answer i have an ok family with normal family problems but sometimes i dont understand them.

    My Father in in the Army, it's his life it's what he's good at doing, but at times when he comes home he don't ever treat me like his daughter he treats me like one of his soldiers he talks to me like im one too he tell me constantly that im getting to fat and that i need to lose weight:( It kills me inside to hear my daddy say that too me all i ever wanted to do was be daddy's lil girl but the way he talks to me hurts.

    I also have friends that i've known for a long, long time and i know they been sexually abused, pyhsically abused by their parents and when i spend time with them they hurt them infront of me and they don't CARE so i did the only thing i could at the time was fight for them and that WHAt i did i jump on his fathers back and started hitting him in the face constantly again and again until he threw me off of him. FRIENDS MEAN ALOT TOO ME AND I WISH AND PRAY THAT ABUSE OF ANY TYPE WILL FLIPPIN! STOP!

  • Dee

    Is it abuse for a police officer to call a 16 yr. old dumb ass, stupid, and ignorant?

  • lindsay veillon from TX

    i am 17 yrs old i have been in CPS since i was 1 yrs old. my mom was abusive and crazy. she tried to kill us and sell us to people for drugs. if i wont of been taken i would probably be dead. if you are being abused leave its not worth staying they say they will change but its not true. i age out of CPS in 3 months and i have been in and out of families but i rather that than be dead on the side of the street somewhere. dont wait for someone to say something for u do it urself. i didnt say anything when i live with my adopted parents and now i live with years of trauma. and will probably be on meds for the rest of my life to control my anger and depression my point is dont wait its not worth the results i promise you. and the longer u stay the longer it takes to heal from it. so be smart and do whats best for you.

  • Anonymous-63

    As i read all these comments , it get me back thinking what has happend to me just over a year ago.

    My name is Samantha and im 16 years old. just after i turned 14 i got kicked out of my house because my step dad sexualy abused me and i told my mom and she said i was lieing so she kicked me out, so i went and lived with my older brothers ex room mate, hes was the nicest guy i ever met i went to school , and then i started hanging out with a different group then normal , from there i met this guy Andrew yes he was older then me at the age of 17 , he made my world , i fell in love with him we made plans and everything, a few months in our Relationship we found out i was pregnant, when i told him he was so happy, then 4 months in he changed and got very abuseive. and that broke my heart he not only emotional , verbally, and mentally abused me he Phyisical abuse me he slap me and punch me , saying that i wasnt aloud to sleep until his house was clean , after all it was only a mess every night since he had parties as soon as he gets home from work, so around 1 am id be up cleaning and have to be relly quite while doing it , while he sleeps.. i had to drop out of school because he didnt liek me talking to other people.

    when i was 5 months in my pregnantsy he pushed me down then step and i lose my baby , i was very shocked about that and very sad , after that i tryed to stay out of his way , but it never seemd to work, id do everything around the house make it all perfect so he would have nothing to bicker about,, when he had parties i stay in the bed room , and one night his friend came in and saw me sitting there asked why i wasnt out there and i said beause i didnt feel like it , but he keep saying no lets go he took my hand and i got up and went out with him , my boyfriend saw me and got very angery he came running at us , grabed my arm and took me back to the bedroom , from there i was yelled at and slaped around.. then after a half hour of that, he gave up , and i lyed there on the ground and prayed to god , hopeing he would help me , and get me out of there.. i just wanted to go back home and have a normal teen age life.. i missed my parents so bad.. a few hours later . i heard that every one was gone or asleep. so i got up and cleaned rigth away befor my boyfriend woke up .. then when he got up i got yelled at for my self being a mess. but he lefted it alone and went to work . so i cleaned my self up and went to bed.. after 7 more months of all that , he lost his job, and said it was my fault that i couldnt give him every thign he wanted.

    A month later while he was out looking for a job i was cleaning and i knocked over this box and i looked inside it was a lot of letters 332 to count they were from my mom begging me to come home , saying she was sorry she didnt belive me , she found out the truth from my younger sister. that every thign i said about my step dad was true. reading all thoes letters , made me cry i ran around the hosue looking for all my stuff, i packed my bags and went down the street to use the phone i called my mom and told her i was sorry for not answering her letters ,, and she told me that she would come get me after work.. by that time it was 8 pm and i knew i had to get back to the house.. so i ran back and hid all my stuff out in the bushes.. my boyfriend came home a hour later and that night he was very mad,, he yelled at me nd blamed me for everythign told me im stupid and worthless, i had no point in liveing, and i said something for the first time to him , i said im im stupid and worthless then why are you keeping me around, he told me a few mins after that , that he only does cause he needs something to love, and again i said you call this love , im like a slave to you, you hurt me baby so bad i dont think i can take it so i told him im goign home , and when these words got in his head, he went on a ram page, breaking things and blocking all the doors saying i couldnt leave him,, that im his girl. then i heard a car in the driveway ,, i tryed runnnign to the door, but he grabed me and pind me to the floor, i screamd and my other brother and his roommate broke down the door and got me,, his roommate picked me up and took me to the truck, while my brother and my boyfriend went at a yellign match.. when i got in the truck i knew i was safe and i prayed to god thanking him for saveing me. when my brother ran out and got in the truck and started pulling away i looked back and peeked my head out the window and saw andrew running out , and he yelled im sorry i love you samantha, and i yelled back in tears saying im sorry you did this but its time for me to live my life.

    . so after a year of being abused,, i keep sayign that maybe andrew was right maybe im stupid and worthless, and i dont have a point in liveing . but 8 months of that happending , i am now a strong young girl who is now back in school and everyday i say to my self i desver better then what i had and im going to make my dreams come true. nothign will stop me , i have a loveing new boyfriend and we have been dating 5 months now, and still going strong. he treats me like a queen , and makes me feel loved .. so i know he loves me and will never hurt me.. but to all of you young and older woman and men who have been abused just remember you have a reason to be liveing and you are worth way more then what people say you are, no matter what you guys desver better and that you are loved, your strong and can do anything you put your mind to,, so stay strong and if somethign is wrong speck up get help .. it will make things better. and to all who wants to know how im doing now. im great im almost done high school and planing to be a child serives worker. that way i can help children who need it.

  • Christa

    I'm 47 years old and live on my own. My Mom think I'm incapabile and I don't know anything. She once physically abuse me. In addition she put me down by commentiong how I should dress, comb my hair, brush my teeth, lose weight and stop smoking and drinking sodas.

    We were talking and got into an argument and and I said "you think I'm stupid?" My Mom respond is "yes" and I hung up on here I didn't talk to her a few days. We always butt heads and she interrupt when I'm trying to explain something like my opinion, or what I want to say.

    Yes I'm handicap (hearing impaired) but she think I can't do anything and do all the talking and I've tried or asked her to come to session with me but she think "everything is fine" and I'm the one who need the help. I think she need the help more then I do.

    My Mom also make comments or remark what I say. Once I said after going to a resturant to drop me off at Good Sam. Her friend said "why I want to go there" My Mom said where they have the psych ward and put here finger to her head like I'm crazy and said "I need to go to the pysch ward. That is very embarrassing that she said that. what kind of abuse is this? I would like some feedback please.

  • Anonymous-64

    I wantch my mum be abused, since she got with my step dad, he looked after me from 4 months old... BUT THEN HE CHANGED . i saw my mum get beaten every day. she was knocked out! thrown down stairs while pregnant with my sister. my mum had 3 children with this man.. the man i called my dad as he was the closest thing i had around.

    It was hard to see it for 9 years, but she put up with it for that long to protect her children. I love her for all she done for us, but i would have taken a beating to protect her for once .... but at my age i was so young and looking after my sisters mosts days while my mum kept him happy.

    You dont hav to be the abused to be affected, i have constant nightmares of him coming back and hurting us again.

    i remember mum sayin that he brused me as a baby when he smnacked me on the bum for crying and all he cud say was ' she wouldnt shut up' what kinds words for a father i said.

    Just dont put up with, it dont matter if it is you or someone in your family you love or even a friend. protect them the way i should have protected my mum.

    we got out safe apart from 1 of my sisters.. she was kept hostage for 9 days and after couldnt remember who i was. but we are all fine and happy again. like a propper family ....

    You could have that too . dont stand for it report it. xxxx

  • Sky

    I have been married to my husband for 4 years now. First there was mental abuse only then shortly after there was physical. He would hit me and then turn around and tell me he didn't like hurting me that he doesn't mean to. As time went on the abuse had went away as he was in anger managment classes because he was dealing with him having been abused. Then he was no longer able to attend the classes because of work and I became pregnant. While I was pregnant it was constant emotional and psychological abuse. A lot of it was him telling me that I was stupid for crying when I would cry for no reason or that I was faking this or that pain or he just didn't listen when I would tell him something I was worried about. He had said to me at one point that if I wasn't pregnant he would kick my a$$ because I had taken a nap and woke up upset because his sister (we were living in his mother's livingroom) came in and put a bowel of hot dogs and ketchup in front of me. Hot dogs were a morning sickness trigger and at the time a migraine trigger as well. I have terrible migraines. He had also said many times I fake those. Then one day it was the 10th of december in 2006 he literally woke up and was normal. He was the man I wanted to be married to by this time we were in our own house. I was put on bed rest in my last trimester because I had a swollen pelvic bone joint. That's what the doc said. He was just fine at that time. Then as I started to discuss with him about my choices for the baby such as storing the imbilacle cord blood and breastfeeding he would give me every excuse as to why I shouldn't do those things. After I had the baby he always had her unless it interupted his game time. To me it felt like he didn't trust me with her. Then he told me he had cheated on me with his ex and I was already starting to go through potpartum phsychosis. See I have bipolar (I take lithium for it and I am doing fabulous on it). Everything came flooding in to my head. I had thought at the time I deserved the abuse because I thought I had done something wrong. He told me he treated me that way becaus ehe was trying to push me away. Why didn't he just leave me? Or heck even just told me then I would have left before I pushed every source that would allow that away from me because that is what I thought may have been putting so much strain on us. The last 2 and 1/2 years since my daughter was born I fought to find the right medication for my bipolar. He told me everytime I got on one that it was not working and that I needed to go get on a higher dose or a different medication. There have been many physical altercations during fights because I am one to tell someone strait up if I feel they have wronged me. When I bring it up I usually get told I am being stupid and get slepped or punched or choked or all three. A lot of the times he tells me that my desicions to do things to better my life such as putting my 2 year old in counciling to help her is rediculous that she is just a sponge and she will grow out of it. After a fight the next day he acts overly as if everything is ok. He acts bigger per say. He acts like it never happened. When I explain to him how broken I feel he tells me he is sorry he makes things so hard for me. That he doesn't mean to. As I had stated he has many issues with his past coming up but I don't think I should have to be punished for the horrible things his ex did to him. Nor should my daughter hear the words he says to me. After a fight I always feel unworthy and like I did something wrong but at the same time I have no idea what I could have done wrong. He always tells me he can never talk to me that I am never there for him. How can I be there for him when I can't? He always wants me to treat him with love and respect and after a fight he is very sexually attracted to me and that feels wrong. We have weeks months where he is not abusive at all and everything is fabulous but then something someone said or did that brought up his past triggers his abusive side and it all comes tumbling down. I have told him to stop talking to his ex's mother and he says that he has to because he has to keep tabs on his ex wife. They have a daughter together but the daughter is living with a relative on teh otherside of teh country and is being adopted by them. The poor sweet girl. I love her so much. She has been shaken by her real mother, she was neglected, beaten, verbally abused, and starved. She has things that need to be taken care of that can only be taken care of where she is. She lives in kentucky neer a children's hospital that helps her and the relative that is adopting her has 2 other special needs daughters of her own and is an emt, rn, and is now working on a degree in socialogy. I would give her my own daughter if it came to that ever. Her and I are very good friends and we talk very often. I get many updates about the daughter and she is doing very well with her. I am glad that she is with her because if she would have come to be with us in the mindset I was in because of the abuse I would have had no idea what I would have needed to do for her to help her and she would have ended up in another abusive home. It may have been secondary abuse but still. I am going to put my daughter in counciling and I am going to seek counciling about abuse. I am already in counciling for my bipolar. I have been for many years now. I was diagnosed when I was 15 and I am now 24. I know the routine with that well lol. I would feel like a fool to just up and leave tonight in the middle of the night considering there really was no fight tonight but it was last night. I am unsure what to do.

  • Ducky

    when i was 8 years old my mom remarried. we were all happy, my stepdad seemed like a good guy and he treated me and my twin brother well...just a few months after my mom and stepdad got married he started to change. he yelled at my mom and at my brother and me.

    he forced me to eat food that i didnt like or when i was said i couldnt eat any more he (and my mom later on would do this), would take the fork of food and try to shove it in my mouth.he (a 200 something pound 6 foot tall man) would pin me down to give a spanking with a belt because i didnt eat all my dinner. he repeatedly picked me up and threw me on the floor to atttack me with the belt. then he changed to whatever he could get his hands on. he broke a wooden spoon over my hand because i wanted a glass of water.... my mother was never around and when she was she either participated and said it was my fault or took my stepdads side and believed him....

    he pinned me to the ground one day when i was like 9 or 10. there was no one else in the house. he told me i had to kiss him in order for him to get off of me.... he still tries to hug me though i repeatedly tell him i dont want him near me. he has to approve of any swimsuit, well for that matter, any clothing i want to wear. do you know what it feels like to have a man look at you in a way that makes you feel like you want to puke?

    there are so many other things that happened, but it would equal the length of a book...so im only going to say a few major ones....

    to sum up the after affects, i have the most wonderfl boyfriend. we have been dating for over a year. even though i am okay with him hugging me and stuff, sometimes i flinch and i see a look of hurt in his eyes. even now when someone starts to get angry or i see movement near me i flinch and move away. i am fearful of my own friends.

    i am fearful of my stepfathers heavy foot falls as he walks through the house... there have been so many months that i have cried myself to sleep because of all the pain so i know what its like to go through this. he is starting to act like that again...(worse than before) i visibile shaked when he yelled at me and my mother just told me not to be so emotional.

    he insults my real father, me, all my brothers, everyone i could possible love, he hates, he insults my clothes, hair, body figure even, he insults everything about me so when my boyfriend tells me im beautiful it makes me want to cry cuz i actually feel appreciated and loved which is something i cant even find in my own home. i have lived like this for over eight years. i still have at least two years till im out of high school...

    i hate him with a passion. i cant wait to get out of here and start my own life. im going to work with my bf (who is slowly helping me get over my fears) and hopefully just put the last eight years of my life behind me and raise a family that is abuse free. as my boyfriend would say the future is what you make out of it so even though this may be or may have happened to you or someone you love, look forward in life positively. there was a time when i wanted to commit suicide. a few months after that i met my bf and i know we are going to last a long time together, so look ahead with hope cuz love will find you.

    -sarah

  • Stefanie

    You know how everyone's first memory is always really good? Like visiting a grandmother's house, or playing with the family dog. My earliest memory is when I was five. My older brother, who was 13 or 14, locked me in the bathroom with him and asked me to suck his...thing. I barely thought about it until my sister brought it up a couple of months ago. Apparently, I ran away and told my mom, who didn't believe me. My sister laughed and said that I would do anything to stay out of trouble(being five, I wasn't allowed to be in a locked bathroom by myself, which they thought I was). Since then, my brother has been molesting me. I'm 16 years old now, about to be 17.

    My family moved from Germany to the United States(Texas) almost 6 years ago. I had just turned 11. I have three older brothers, one I've I'll ready talked about. The other two worked together almost perfectly. The older one(younger than the first) started beating me before we moved. Just for a few months. My parents thought it was just siblings fighting. And it might have been. I don't remember how any of it started. The younger brother started beating me soon after the other stopped. He did it for three years, all throughout my middle school years. It escalated in 8th grade. He was a year older than me and I think the pressure of high school was getting to him. He hasn't beaten me in months, but whenever we argue he hits the wall or threatens to hit me. He's beaten me so many times that I don't feel it anymore. I also don't ever bruise. Unlike my eldest brother, my family and some of my friends know about what my brothers did to me, what they still do if they get angry enough.

    My dad's actions took me years to figure out, and only because they got way worse. He went to Iraq for about a year(he was in the air force) and when he came back he was about ten times worse. I don't know if its because I lived without it for a year or if Iraq just made it worse. Maybe both. He calls me fat and tells me I need to diet and exercise more(I'm 5'7 and 130lbs). He tells me I'm slow during the Cross Country and Track seasons. He tells me that I'm stupid whenever my grades get brought up in conversation. If I confront him about it he says that he's just joking and that I'm overreacting. I've told him how much it bothers me, but he continues to "joke" anyway. The only "positive" things he's ever said to me always make me extremely uncomfortable and are unwelcome. "That shirt make it look like you have a flat stomach." "Those pants make your butt look way bigger." When I became a vegetarian when I was 14(which actually stopped me from having suicidal thoughts for a few months), he called it a "phase" and that I would get over it. I'm still a vegetarian almost three years later and he still doesn't support me. He even once told me that I should eat the grass outside since I clearly want to be a cow.

    Every male friend I've ever had has told me that they loved me. Not liked, but loved. I can recall five off the top of my head. The only problem(well, there are a few, but this is the main one) is that they don't know me. At all. And I'm to blame for that. I don't trust people easily and I don't like spending time with people I don't trust. Their lack of knowledge of who I am leads me to believe that they're not in love with me, but what I look like. I'm not exactly confident in the way I look, but I know that I'm not ugly either. I've never told anyone this how I feel about my "friends." I already know someone is going to tell me that I'm overreacting and that they're just teenage boys, don't think so hard about it. And I didn't, the first few times it happened. Now, I just feel like the only way a boy would like me is by the way I look. That I'm not worth the time for someone to get to know me.

    I mentioned earlier that I've thought about suicide. And I have. For that past three years. Not straight, like I said, there were a few months that I was happy. I realized that the only reason I've never tried or prepared for it is because theres a chance that I might fail. If there was a for sure way I could do it, I would. Without a doubt in my mind, I know I would.

  • Ashley

    I am 17 years old. I have ten months until I turn 18. Im waiting for the day that I finally get out of the mental and physical abuse that my parents have caused me. My father says that im a screw up. Ill never amount to anything. He dogs my boyfriend and tells me that hes never going to be there for me. Like my father has room to talk. Hes never been there for me. About a year ago... I ran away from home. My dad had hit me the night before and left a welt and bruise across my face. The cops said it was perfectly normal for him to lash out like that and diddnt take him to jail but they made me come home. Of course... I was sheltered and was grounded for the next month or so. I also dont get along with my mother. She loves to call me a B****. Its almost like it has became her favorite word. She loves punishing me too. Almost like she gets some sick pleasure from it. My mom and dad got into an arguement one night. My dad told her that she needed to pick between me or her... That cold hearted mother of mine said for me.. to leave. Now I cant say that I dont believe it. She wants me enmancipated so bad she can taste it. How does one live in a home to be called names everyday, shoved, smacked across the face, left with bruises, and STILL go to school, make good grades, and be a great teen? I come home to an arguement everynight. I will show them someday. Ill marry the love of my life, go to college, have a family and be happy without them. I just wish there was something I could do but im reaching out to everyone for a helping hand. Just for ONE person to help... But no one is listening. I dont know if I can take another Arguement. Before anyone even helps... It will be too late.

  • eden girl

    I have been in a marriage for 9 yrs dated 4 before that.I use to feel special not anymore.My husband's family never let me and my son in and made us feel like we were not family.His exwife is still in the picture and his daughter acts like i'm invisible.They have put me down behind my back since we got married I guess they are jealous.My husband is raising my son like he is his,he goes to the ball games and does things with him. So his daughter gets pregnant 16 or 17 yrs old.and has a son now they push him on us all the time .( the old saying blood is thicker than water).There is no love lost between me and his family.I tried so hard to be apart of the family but they can't let go of the exwife.She still comes around on holidays,my husband lied to me about her coming in 2008 .I just stop going because you know when you are wanted and when your not!May of 2009 my husband lefted me and my son sitting in a restuarunt on his moms birthday .We went in one restuarunt and waited then he calls at 7:15 and ask where we were and i told him which was maybe 4mins up the road he had never went in the place that they where at they were outside waiting,so I thought they would come on up and they didn't just let us wait it upset my sons stomach and mine. I took her gift down to where they were eating and dropped it of my husband just giggled a little.So we came home he didn't come home until 10:15pm he went to see his friend.When he came in my 13yr old said you done my mama wrong!He told him that it would not have took him 5 mins. to get to where we where eating since i was already inside with menu's and tea!We didn't speak for two weeks then he gave a so so sorry.He knows I have aniexty and pannic attacks .We get that some what ok then he get s pissed because his moms has something to say about me going to a bar with my mom to my cousins graduation thinks he just sits at home which is far from the truth.We were doing ok until his mother had something else to say about that. He called to the house, I told him that I had already talked to his mom and i told her that my son and I didn't feel like part of the family and we hadn't for a long time due to his exwife. She said she would feel the same way if she were me. I understand their friendship but its a time for it not during the holidays thats family time and the ex is a ex!I"m on Disablity and get a check for me and my son I pay for everything we need I don't ask my husband for anything. He does pay for my car insur.because our cars are on one policy.I pay my car payment and all our needs for me and my son.I also buy things we need at the house for cleaning and food.I put alot of money into the house from my disabilty back pay.He tells me we are broke all the time but i seen him spend alot on his cars and his daughters house.I have ask for two years for somethings for the house that my name is not even on but we are brokehe says.He went out and spent two thousand on her house. I haven't slept with him since he lefted me in the resturant ,didn't speak to me for two weeks and then called me a F..king BITCH!Then I found comdoms in his car which he lied about !THen he went out and have bought some more things and hide them What kind of love is this ?So much more i could say!!!!

  • Anonymous-65

    hi abuse is very very serrious you need to get it tookin care of . abuse is not the life style yu want to have trust me abuse is very serious get it tookin care of good luck sencerly me!!!!

  • Daiva

    I am in my 20's and I lived most of my life with abuse...

    My history is too long and in depth to explain in just one comment, but i will address the most important aspects of the abuse I experienced.

    My mother is mentally unstable, and had abused my brother, my sister and me since we were babies. She beat us and verbally attacked us. she told me on more than one occassion "I wish I had an abortion, instead of having you" and "I f**** hate you, go f*** yourself!"....

    She dated physically and mentally abusive men throughout our whole childhood, who not only abused her but abused us as well. she never blamed them for the abuse, but she blamed us and herself.

    My dad remarried, and his wife does everything in her power to keep him from having a close relationship with his children from his first marriage. she has convinced him that she should be more important than his children and that we (his three kids) don't deserve to come to his house or deserve any of his time. Furthermore, all my father does is tell me that I am not doing enough or i'm not good enough of a person. His extended family is just as judgemental as he is.

    I suffered from OCD, depression, anxiety, disassociation and thoughts of suicide for the first 19 years of my life. i had fights with everyone i knew, i never did well in school, i quit everything i ever started and i had no goals or ambitions in life. i hated everything and everybody, most of all myself...until one day I decided i wanted to take control of my life. i said "I'm going to either self-destruct or i am going to actually try to work through this...."

    six years later i am licensed in a skill, i have a BA from a university, i work and i plan on writing my first book of poetry soon. i plan to travel the world and get a graduate degree.

    i am not perfect and I still struggle in my life. i spent so many years fighting to reverse the abuse and craziness I had been taught since I was a little girl. i had to teach myself how to embrace love and to stay away from chaos. I had to work through my OCD, depression, anxiety etc. I still get anxious and depressed from time to time, but i work through it and it isn't nearly as bad as it was when i was growing up. I never took medication either, not that i am opposed to meds-i just knew i could get through it on my own. I had very little support from my fam. except for a few people....

    Life is what you make it. Life isn't easy and life isn't fair. I still hurt and feel the pain from the things i have experienced....but I try to love myself and to live the best way i know how. i try to be a good person and always have control over my life and my behavior.

    Be strong, and never, ever give up....your life is too precious!

  • If Only I Were Brave Enough

    One of my first memories is probably best encapsulated by this poem...

    What Did I Know?

    I was in my room

    With all my toys

    What did I know

    About girls and boys?

    I loved my mum

    I loved my dad

    What did I know

    About being bad?

    I was only three

    Maybe four

    When my brother opened

    My bedroom door

    He said he had

    A game to play

    What did I know

    About playing that way?

    He got me naked

    On mum and dad’s bed

    What did I know

    About being misled?

    His fingers touched

    My private parts

    What did I know

    About broken hearts?

    My mother caught us

    Smacked my bum

    What did I know

    About what would come?

    It's my own work and it's about what happened to me when I was barely out of nappies. The abuse continued for five years until I told my aunt what had happened.

  • bradley

    my mother is suicidle and bipolar,and very depressed i live with her, she chose not to live with my dad or the other way around, my mother always puts my dad down and the only thing hes done bad since ive been alive is smoke pot hes very depressed and has a very hard life, but my mother always puts him down to me, i feel its not right i love my dad and she makes me feel its bad, shes very belitling and uses me as her scapgoat, she always calls me curse words and puts me down, she took my door off cuz ive slamed it a couple times, so now that my doors off i here every word she says about me to my brother and it still hurts, i cant live with mydad cuz he smokes pot and if he did get custidy shed call the cops and tell them about his use and hed be in jail. my mother is suicidle and i have adhd i take pills but for her problems she does nothing. i asked to leave live with my grandma, not because my mom punishes me my grandma would to i have reat grade and have no record but she caught me smoking pot, i tried it and so did she when she was a little older then me im not active in drugs but she wont let me take a drug test to prove it. every time i stand up to her about calling me names and stuff she puts me down and mimics me and adds a hole bunch of crap, etc. oh hey got called a bitch boo hoo o u pore thing im srry, and well the shoe fits and tons of crap i cant stand it, but writing or typing it releases my anger and im in counsleing but the kind were shes there i cant talk with her there she always says crap like, oh hes just saying that cuz ur here and other crap. can i get out of the house cuz this is serous theres more crap to

  • Roses4ever

    I'm in my late 30s living back home with my mother, my dad died 2 months ago so it is just the two of us now in this house (which is my childhood home). I am disabled living with chronic pain and studying, my mother also has poor health (diabitis and asthma). Since my dad went we are having to deal with the problem of my brother who is addicted to drugs as is his wife - the real problem is they live in my mother's other house just up the road! It is a CRAZY situation.

    My dad put him in there when the family was doing financially better and my brother's behaviour got progressively worse through drugs... He intimidated and emotionally abused the whole family. He would also lie and steal, yell in our faces and push us (younger sisters)against the wall, sometimes digging his fingers into my ribs. In short he bullied the whole family - younger sister, myself (middle) and parents. In looking back dad was naive...he just put him in the holiday home and hoped things would improve! My parents lost their business and Golden Boy was VERY resentful - the money tree had gone!! Although dad continued spoiling and helping him and he continued breaking my parents' hearts. He has since then (almost 20 years!) been living off welfare and also off my parents...well, now parent.

    He has never cared for anyone else including his own son, who has been in care for 6 years.

    He and his wife have smashed up "their" home - furniture, windows and central heating, neglected it (there were rats and debris heaped in the garden), and today they were at our house having to use our phone!

    They became verbally abusive and I called the police.

    Police came round after they had left, but soon returned and found a police officer at the door telling them they are not allowed in.

    I feel sickened that this is my own flesh and blood but what am I to do? In the past brother and his wife have death-threatened my parents and myself...and now they are telling lies and slandering my character..which is stupid since the police can see through it.

    I am genuinely afraid for my mother and myself (once we discovered a smoldering newspaper lit amongst the wood pile beneath the window). I am going to tell friends about this in case something happens.

    Mother can't financially keep him in that house anyway and naturally we are afraid of further problems when it has to be sold. It seems that my brother and his wife are targetting me for all their woes. Very frightening!

    Logically will have to keep police informed...

    26 April 2010

  • LEXii

    i kant believe this is happening in this world why cant we all just do good nd not sin nd do bad things because this is way out of hand all i am sayin is dont make bad decisions if they r abusing yu then leave DONT DEBATE...

  • BiteMe13

    Okay, I've never been a daddy's little girl. Like as far as I can remember, I never was. They have a few pictures when I was 2 or 3, I was pretty close to my dad. But one year, he left to visit his parents...and stayed there for a whole year. Well, during that year he was gone, my uncle sort of replaced him. He took care of me, began to teach me how to speak, changed diapers (yeah, it took me a while to catch on to the whole "use the toilet" thing), helped me sleep during the nights I couldn't sleep or had nightmares. I had a babysitter whose children I played with, and every night at around 8pm their father would come home. I remember (although slightly fuzzily) that they would run to him and hug him, plant kisses all over him. I would stand around awkwardly in the back, just watching this unfold, with a slight twist in my stomach that I didn't have a daddy to pick me up or ask me how my day was. So i began calling my uncle "daddy". Well, when my father actually came back, he wasn't too happy about that. There was a bit of accusing about cheating, but my mom set him straight. But whatever happened during that year, changed me. I didn't hug him, I didn't really do anything around him. I guess he tried to be nice, but I just...didn't see him as much of a father figure. But he didn't try too hard either. (This i remember perfectly!) I was six when I was beginning to get the training wheels taken off my bike, and my dad didn't help me learn. He wasn't there for me. My uncle helped me get up every time I fell down, pushed me when I began to give up or cry and steadied me when my bike began to screw up. My dad wasn't there. And he could have been. That made me more rebellious during the teen years (the now years). I argued with him, disobeyed him with all the little things One time, he was being a serious nut toward my little brother. That set me off. Anytime he mentioned anything mean toward my brother I would respond for him to stop it and leave him alone. He doesn't like being disagreed with. I learned that because I walked into church the very next hour with a busted lip (i got lucky because at least i was able to block most of my face). So far, I've never hugged him except when I'm forced to in front of company. There's never been an exchange in sweet words, or anything like that. I guess all i ever wanted was to have a daddy like my friends. A daddy who would tell me that I was his favorite, and give me a hug and kiss before I went to sleep, and to be comforted when I felt alone. Nothing. But it's too late now. I'm 15 and I've learned too grow up without him. All I got so far was a "IOU a year of your life". He tries, sure sometimes. But, i guess it is a bit too late now.

    Tell me, is this anything? Or is it just me?

  • jasmine1995

    I have been married for 13 years. I have two daughters by my husband whom I have been with since I was 14. I am also a stay at home mom and I love my girls very much. My husband became abusive not too long after we started dating with short periods of him being nice. The abuse worsened with him drinking heavily. The past few months he has gotten very mean, telling me I am stupid, I am worthless, and I am not to go anywhere except church, amongst many other things. I have decided to leave this relationship because of the abuse. On June 3 we went to court in our small little country town and he was awarded tempory custody. Now he is verbally abusing my daughters and telling them their mother left them and that she hates them. They do not call me because they believe everything their father is saying. The abuse was brought up during the hearing and the judge dismissed it as false testimony. How can this be? I have physical eveidence proving it. I feel the abuse more than ever now that a judge gave him the green light and he still harrasses me, stalks me, and manipulates me with the children. I feel the system has let me and my children down just becasue of the good-ol-boy symdrome. I do not understand why abuse is not that important in the court of law.

  • Anonymous-66

    I've been reading about abuse and neglect. I'm worried I'm abused. My dad was threated me to hit me against a wall. When I try to tell him something he sends me to my room and yells at me like it was my fault. He threathens to hit me and brother with a belt or fly swatter. I've been starting to get very worried. He also once hit my brother really hard five times. This has just started a few years ago. I can't figure out why. I've been staying my distance lately from him. Worried to be abused. I used to get hit really hard so hard it left a red mark. And every time I try to tell him that I don't like what he is doing he yells at me more. I'm so worried. I have told him I would runaway if he didn't be nice to me. But instead he called me some bad words. My self-steem has gone down totally and I feel worthless and stupid for asking question to him. No body else understands. Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone. I have dreams and I look them up and it always talks about being alone in your life. Sometimes I run to my room when my brother is about to get hit. I don't want to be abused! I'm sick and tired of it! I've been telling myself when I move out and have my own life and home my life will be so much better. But until then I keep singing sad songs and crying.

  • Anonymous-67

    my father's been mentally abusing me for years and I am now old enough to realize it. at first I was like "there is no way" but then I started reading up on what mental abuse was and my situation fits most of the criteria. We're all buddy buddy sometimes and he says he loves me but when I go and do something wrong he controls and manipulates me like a puppet. I go to therapy now and even the therapist asked if he was ever physically abusive to me I was shocked to hear this because all I heard from my mother was that he was "a great man and that I love him so much" and I believed her, maybe he's doing this without any knowledge. First my friend's pointed it out to me when I'd tell them how frustrated at was and then my therapist. This situation makes me so angry because I've felt for the longest time that I owe him something for a being a great parent. I feel ashamed because I can't live up to his standards he uses experiences in my life to make me feel like crap and to make me do what he wants me to. I can't take it anymore!! Any advice would be extremely appreciated :)

  • not saying

    i been going trew aliitle bit a verbal abuse scerectly. my mom feel bad for my dad and people who put on the nice guy act,she been in this too lately this been going for quet a while now. i been getting horible then goten ok a few months ago. people have been making a reports and then been getting made, i having thoughts of sucide over this can some please help me,

  • Tee

    I am so glad to have found a site where people share their experience of abuse. Well, as a Samoan, the law isn't enforced here, so everytime we get beaten up, they blame the culture. I mean, that is usually the culture. They believe that when a child is rowdy or when a child makes a mistake, they must discipline. And when I say discipline, I mean, beaten to ground with a hose, or with a golf bat, or baseball bat you name it. These people grab whatever is in sight. I've had my share of beatings and as I grew up, I learned to accept it. It was difficult for me, but I told myself that it'll all get better in time. I am now 19 years old (I know, not that old) and I still have to put up with the beatings. My parents don't beat me as much, but I'd rather get beat up then hear all the mean things they yell at me. Yes, I don't blame some of you for wanting to commit suicide because, I myself wanted to do the same, but my sister told me that if I were to do that, I would be considered the most selfish person on earth. I believe myself to be the black sheep of the family, but that's only psychological. If I keep telling myself that, it'll only make it look like I am. I tell myself that my parents love me.. and they do .. they really do. But, not only did they abuse me physically, but also emotionally.. I was even sexually abused by my uncle, and I never told anyone. He did the same to another girl, but the only difference was that she opened her mouth. After all these years, I never told a soul. I'm afraid of what my father would do to him. Now, that so called uncle of mine is in jail. Well, Im not dellusional when I tell myself these things just to get better. But I believe that there will come a time that the God we look up to will fix everything. I don't want to be considered as selfish. I mean, if I were to commit suicide, then I'd leave everyone mourning, and I feel that this is enough pain for my siblings to bear. I dont want to be a burdent to them. The greates part of my journey in life is that I developed a brain tumor. I know, whats great about it. Well, the doctors believe that it is out of stress, and thoughts of suicide, well, my parents went easy on my. Nine out of ten people die from this sickness, and trust, I was lucky enough to have made it. YAY... wellz... I just thank Heavenly Father that though these things happen to us, He is always there to comfort us. No Im not going all out religious on you guys but, just think about, He is the alpha and the omega.. THERE WILL COME A TIME.. He will make it all better. I just pray that none of you will decide to commit suicide. I'll pray fo your souls. May you find peace within you hearts. Just believe in yourselves.. and believe that THERE WILL COME A TIME........ :)

  • Anna D.

    My mom and dad never really got along and got divorced. A couple years ago my dad got a bad case of liver disease. He had to stay in the hospital for a couple months. Me and my little brother stayed with our grandparents while he was there. After my dad got out of the hospital, me and my brother were so happy to see him. A couple years later, I am now 12, almost 13, and my brother 8. Me and my brother are getting worried about him because every time me or him does something wrong ,like accidently slams a door, he yells at us. I try to tell him i didnt mean to but he just yells at me. Most of the time he screams ' Well at least your not gunna die soon like me' or 'why dont you go live with your piece of s*** mother for all i care' and i always feel horrible afterwards and get so mad at him for saying that stuff about my mom. He says a bunch of other stuff also that really affects me.

    The one place i can go to get away from it all is school. My friends always make me feel so happy and make me enjoy life. But when i get home, its back to the yelling again.

    It is now summer vacation and i have nothing to do but get yelled at by my father for no reason. Just the other day i got yelled at for not having pockets in my shorts. And just yesterday he took down my door because 'Its shut to much' i just dont understand it....

    I always get so jealous of my friends when i see them having fun with their dad and it just makes me sad....I just dont think a 12 and a half year old should go through this....

    Is there anything i can do?

    ~Anna

  • Anonymous-68

    I was mentally abuse by my mother, physically abused by sister, and sexually abused by my grandfather. My mother is an alcoholic and says horrible things when she is drunk then acts like nothing ever happened the next day. I'm am a 35yr old female and just started to realize how badly i've been scarred by my childhood. I am abusing drugs and alcohol but trying to quit. I've set up a meeting with a counselor and I am currently attendin g aa meetings. Just because you were abused does'nt mean you don't deserve to live a happy life. I need to deal with all the pain I have endured and I find that reading and talking about it helps a lot. Good luck to all who have been abused. I know how hard it is but the fear of becoming the abuser is what pushed me to get help.

  • Chantelle

    Well i get abuse from my boyfriends sister i do nothing i get call Bit** Mole a Whore and tell me i'm a lazy Bit** a Slut and she does abuse her mother and everyone else Sometimes i tell my boyfriend what she says to me i need advise is i can put charges on her or not? she dose have Add and -HD and she stills from the house hold and denise that she dosn't take it but i get attack by her calling me affending words to me. What do i do? And I'm 23 and my boyfriends sister is 24

  • himanshu

    my father who is bluddy idiot has been verbally abusing me and my mother from the start . as i was born and addmitted to a intense care centre my father made a comment "when will this creature die" abt me which my mother cn recall which he made to my grandmother .i am fedup of abusing behind him and telling others so tat is all am gonna say.

  • vampiregirl

    Hi. I am 12 years old. Every day I have to babysit my brother who has ADHD. I also have to keep my room, the kitchen and the porch clean. Not a big deal. But every day my mother comes home and yells at me(and my siblings) and curses about it not being clean enough and how we are not good at anything and we should go live with our dad. She puts us down all the time. I know she loves us and it is hard being a single mother but sometimes it is to hard to handle the yelling and put downs. I am starting to think that I am ugly and worthless and, in her words, a b*tch. Is this abuse or just normal?

  • Anonymous-69

    each and every one of us posesses the love we want to see in the world. Stay strong in that.....hang close to those who you KNOW care about the right way.

  • Anonymous-70

    When I was 10 years old I was verbaly abused by my parents and my sister. My parents would get into arguments every other day over and my mother would take her anger out on me. She would tell me that I was ugly and critcize the way I looked. As an example she would tell me that I had a large nose or that my hair was an ugly color, and because I was so young i thought that if i pinched my nose enough that it would somehow be a little bit smaller. My father wasn't as bad but I had become so insecure about myself that every little insult was painful. My sister was really bad, she would tell me that I was weird, ugly, stupid, and that i was a loser and had no friends. This became so bad to the point where i was actually thinking of commiting suicide at 10 years old.

    When I got to be a little bit older things got a lot better for me. I made a couple of friends that helped me so much. They gave me a little bit of my self confidence back, and because of this i was finally able to stand up to my parents. My father stopped the abuse but my mother got worse. On top of what she was saying to me already, she would be calling me a bitch(she was only 15), whore, and a loser. Her and my sister had begun to fight because of my sister's mood swing from her pregnancy. So my mother would again take her anger out on me and come to my room for no reason and start yelling at me and insulting me.

    As i got older i would issolate myself from my family by locking myself in my room to avoid critcizism. To pass the time I would play online games, like runescape or world of warcraft. I met a lot of people their who have really helped me. On WoW i met my Boyfriend Matthew B. who I haven't even told this much about my abuse to him. He has helped me because of how he told me that what they were doing was wrong in so many ways. Which was the first time that i have ever heard that it was wrong, I had just come to believe that this was normal. Also how that my family the one thing i should have in this world to depend on treats me worse than complete strangers.

    Now I am 17 years old I am more secure with myself and I still suffer through some abuse. Most of it from my mother telling me that I am stupid and because of this even though i am smart. I am very insercure with my intelligence because of everything i have experienced in my childhood I have become somewhat shy and cynical. I also have developed minor depression.

    I am glad to have found this site because i am able to say everything that i have been through without worrying about how the few people who i am close to have a changed perspective of me.

  • Jennifer

    My story is so weird. its very strange and exhausting trying to understand my spouse. from day 1 i have found out he has cheated, with people he would meet on myspace, he brought me 2 stds. we have 1 son, am currently 8 months preganant with another. I recently made him leave due to the fact he would not help with bills, hed get paid and i would have nooo idea where money went, he always claimed he had better back up, which i encouraged him to go to if they were so great, however he continues to text me EVERYDAY saying hurtful things, like hes happy, never wants to see the kids. Then hell say "Can i come over" I say no, then it changes to, "Its ok, I have better anyway" However he calls and texts EVERYNIGHT to go out, or invites me to eat, movies, I know hes not with a girl. However, why does he WANT to hurt me? I feel sooo over all this. However with his strange harassment I am not sure what to think, I do start to feel insecure at times due to it even though I know hes mentally playing with me. he wants me to react and beg for him to be with me and I refuse. Im so confused and dont know what to do. I know he loves me, however he just cant commit to only me, he suggested we have an open relationship which I do not agree with. He claims it will fix him. I know I should let it go, but after 4 years, I feel its all I am used to... any advice?

  • Jay

    Ive been married to 2 years during the last year I suffered job loss and during the last 6 months i have been unable to work, my husband has become increasingly mentally abusive and has cancelled credit cards in both our names. I have no way to get money he has a truck but has taken the keys away I have no trasportation to get a job, he will not give me money to do get nessessities I need. He leaves me at the house and I have no where to go what do I do? He is military. I just had surgery on my back even if I wanted to work I could not work for long hours. I have no friends here. We have a 3 year old daughter together. What are the steps I should take to get out of this relationship and back on my feet? I offered to leave everything to him (the house, furniture, money), get my own job and apartment, but he will not give me access to the truck to get a job. If I wanted an apartment I have no money to put down a a security deposit or get any utilities in my name because he's closed the bank accounts in our name and credit cards in our name.

  • Anonymous-71

    Perdonen por escribir en español. El abuso verbal desmoraliza, intimida, denigra, menosprecia, hace creer a la persona agredida que es inferior y que no sirve para nada.. Destruye la autoestima, te hace pensar que es imposible alcanzar tus metas y sueños. La palabra puede ser tan destructiva como un arma y tan filosa como un cuchillo..

    Esta agresión tiene la particularidad que es atemporal y puede afectar toda la vida de una persona (¿Quién no se recuerda de alguien que expresó hacia ti de manera constante y reiterada un lenguaje verbal hiriente, denigrante y ofensivo?..Familiares, compañeros de estudio, etc). Los agresores ni siquiera les interesa el impacto que tienen sus palabras y como lo que dicen afecta a una persona permanentemente. La vida del agredid@ cambia completamente, la forma de ver la vida es más complicada y llena de temores, fobias, tristezas y depresiones, la manera de relacionarse con lo demás cambia drásticamente.

    Durante la niñez y la adolescencia es realmente difícil lidear con este tipo de situaciones. Te sientes sol@, incomprendid@ y muchas veces indefens@ frente a este tipo de circunstancias. ¿Cuántos niñ@s se vuelven introvertidos y en otros casos violentos y agresivos?

    ¿Cuántos adolescentes caen en estados graves de depresión y muchos intentan suicidarse debido a que no soportan este tipo de abusos? ¿Cuántos comienzan a consumir drogas por este tipo de situaciones? Yo todavía estoy lidiando con todas las secuelas de años de abuso verbal y les puedo decir que me ha costado mucho ir sanando esas heridas...El escribir esto me ha ayudado mucho..Gracias a todos los lectores que están leyendo este comentario. Les deseo una HERMOSA VIDA (BEAUTIFUL LIFE) y les mando un caluroso abrazo..Gracias (thank you very much)

    Editor's Note: Google Translate provides us with an English version:

    Sorry for writing in Spanish. Verbal abuse demoralize, intimidate, denigrate, disparage, to believe that the person attacked is less and that is good for nothing .. Destroys self-esteem, makes you think it is impossible to achieve your goals and dreams. The word can be as destructive as a weapon and sharp as a knife ..

    This aggression has the peculiarity that is timeless and can affect the lifetime of a person (Who does not remember someone said to you constantly and consistently a verbal offensive, demeaning and offensive? .. Family, fellow students , etc). The attackers did not even care about the impact of their words and how they say it affects a person permanently. Life @ assaulted completely changes the way you see life is more complicated and full of fears, phobias, sadness and depression, how to interact with other changes drastically.

    During childhood and adolescence is really difficult lidear with this type of situation. You feel the sun @ @ and often misunderstood @ defenseless against this type of circumstances. S How many children will become withdrawn and in some cases violent and aggressive?

    How many teens fall into serious states of depression and many attempt suicide because they do not support this type of abuse? How many start using drugs of this type of situation? I am still dealing with all the consequences of years of verbal abuse and I can say I had a hard time to go heal those wounds ... Writing this has helped me a lot .. Thanks to all readers who are reading this review. I wish you a Wonderful Life (Beautiful Life) and I send a warm hug .. Gracias (thank you very much)

  • Anonymous-71

    hola soy yo otra vez, quisiera darles las gracias por publicar mi comentario y disculparme a la vez, ya que utilice en varias palabras el " @ " eso es debido a que en muchos países de lenguaje español se usa el " @ " para no utilizar la gramática y así disminuir el número de palabras en un e-mail, mensaje de texto, etc..Es por eso que algunas palabras no tenían sentido para el traductor.
    La palabra del segundo párrafo era:agredida o agredido.
    Las palabras de tercer párrafo son: sola o solo (alone).. incomprendido indefensa.
    En el español y en especial el castellano, las palabras tienen muchos significados y no me acordaba de eso..

    Me despido cordialmente diciéndoles muchas gracias.

    hello me again, I thank you for publishing my comment and apologize at once, and to use several words the "@" that's because in many countries of the Spanish language uses the "@" for not using grammar and reduce the number of words in an e-mail, text message, etc. .. That's why some words make no sense for the translator.
    The word of the second paragraph was, attacked or assaulted.
    The words of the third paragraph are: single or alone (alone) ... helpless .. misunderstood
    In Spanish and in particular the Castilian, words have meanings too and I do not remember that ..

    I say goodbye cordially saying thank you very much.

  • Sarah G

    Hello, When I was younger, about 3, I was experiencing that my parents were yelling at each other a lot. I was wondering what it was about and I was silent about it and let it become normal. Each time my sister and I went to my grandma's, my mom would tell me "don't tell Grandma that I'm drinking, ok?"

    I said "Ok."

    So I went up to my grandma's place and when my grandma asked, I said "yes" once, but after that, each time I said "no".

    we moved after the 5th grade.

    it only came to me when I was going into the 5th grade, something big was rising.. a big monster inside my parents.

    after grade 6 was finished, the verbal violence turned into physical violence now. when my parents got drunk they would start violence, my dad would abuse my mom and my mom would get really beat up. this happened at least 6 times before FINALLY my dad left. it was a year later that happened.

    But after I was finished grade 7, the summer before grade 8, My mom BARELY had any food, and nothing but booze. she would bring home these weirdos and stuff like that, and yelled at my sister and I a lot.

    A week into grade 8, some social workers had dropped by. they were talking to my mom and stuff like that, and finally said that they had to take my sister and I away. The moment I realized all this Sh** was happening, the workers asked:

    "have you been drinking?"

    my mom said "yes, I wouldn't lie to you."

    my mom was lying to my sis and I all along. I realized this was a fragment of all the problems.

    about half an hour later we left, and I was glad. I was so happy to return to my hometown with my grandma and out of that Sh**hole life.

    As of this day, I'm happily starting grade 10 with a boyfriend of 1 year. I'm currently 15 and I'm doing very well. But my boyfriend is from the town the abuse was all in. 80 miles, 2 hours the distance. Our relationship is healthy and we sort out problems easily.

  • Anonymous-72

    wow all these storys on here makes me wanna cry for you guys im sorry this has happen to you!

  • Raye

    Long story, short:

    My parents will not accept me because of my sexuality. You see, im bisexual. Because of that, my parents have taken my phone away, their preventing me from seeing my friends(some whom are bi), and not letting me join the Theatre Department at my school because of a few of my friends that are bi are in there. We are always arguing, my parents and i about this. Its seriously tearing me apart and making me miserable. I feel im going through mental abuse, i really do. Its just horrible and i cant even do anything about it. Everyday, im crying and im basicly locked up in my room. I cant see any of my good loving friends. Well my sister gets to see hers, while im just sitting in my room doing nothing. I really need help. Theirs so much more to this story than this paragraph.

  • Marissa

    Well, to start off, I'm 16 years old and I have an older brother who is 18 years old. Every day that i come home from school, he verbally attacks me with curse words and is constantly bringing me down. If he sees that what he is saying does not bother me (I am ignoring him), he will hit me, spit on me, or kick me so that he will get some sort of reaction out of me. It's like he feeds off of my pain. I don't know exactly how to word it right. After he gets done with his tantrum, he'll act like he never did or said anything to hurt me. I try not to cry in front of him, because i know he'll do it again if he knows it hurts me. I don't know what to do, and I just don't know if i can take it anymore. And i really wish somebody could help me.

  • Brookelynn Steele

    Look u need to let someone know that he is doing this so it will stop or it will get worse....I know from experience.... I'm so sorry that you are going through this...

  • Zoey101

    well i haven't been abused badly but my family pretty much metntally abuses eachother. my step-dad will yell & scream at me & my lil sister. he will emotionally abuse my mom. from him screaming & yelling all the time it wears off on to me and my sister . we will yell and scream at eachother all the time . we'll call each other stupid , ugly, and ect.

  • Anonymous-73

    wow-not saying- July 11th 2010,,

    You will get through this please dont commet suicide

  • Leah

    I am so sorry for everyones hard aches and yes many of you who have been asking"is this abuse" You are being abused. I guess I have been in denial for most of my life. I was abused by my father who I saw as a big bully as a child. He would hit me and my sister and threatend me multiple times. He then would have the nerve to say things like "I still love you"..Really? I have also been abused by my former classmates at school. I remember being pushed and slapped in the face by a guy at my school. I was also teased and made fun of a lot, so much so that I tried to commite suicide. I'm in the process of handling my depression as a result of my past and have severe trust issues with people and shy away from social events because I feel very uncomfortable in them. I hope that one day I can help others who have been bullied/ abused and create some kind of organization to help men and women of abusive relationships. God bless you all and look for local places to get help please because you are worth it.

  • Ash

    I dated this guy for four years and a after about two years i became pregnant. He was happy but suddenly started hurting me and would try to play it off as he was just playing around and i ended up losing the baby. i a few months later i ended up pregnant again and the abuse got worse he would hit me in the stomach and take a blanket and put it over my head until i could barely breathe. he would hold me down and just push down on my stomach. i finally broke it off and ended up losing the baby. its been over a year and im still trying to deal with this. i have bad anxiety and depression of this.

  • Anonymous-74

    I have benn verbally abused and neglected for most of my life, and was also physically abused for 3 or 4 yrs. It has all stopped recently, except for the neglect, but now i have found that i miss the felling of pain that it gave me. I want to be the girl whose life is tragic and is thought to be strong because of what she's been through. I sit here thinking "Why would i miss that?!" but yet i miss it. I miss the pain. Why??

  • Anonymous-75

    i used to live with my mom, and that was hell. She would comment everyday on how i dressed telling me i looked horrible, and she would steal my things. such as my pocketknives and clothes. she would use my emotions to her advantage and if i ever tried to refuse her, she would tell everyone that i never did anything to help her. when my sister was molested a few years ago, she acted like she was the victim, and emotionaly abused my sister. My sister finally moved to my dad's house (my parents are divorced.) when she did, my mom tried to get me to think she was the victim, she did everything to make me happy for awhile, then if she wanted something, she would guilt me into doing it for her. she smoked pot and the entire house was a smoke house. it wasn't healthy for me and my little 5 year old brother. then if i didn't do exactly what she wanted me to do, she would cuss me out, then tell me she wasn't cussing me out, she was cussing at me, and i was a dumbass for not seeing the difference. my sister was no help either. she had always been the favorite. no matter what she did, she never got punished. if she did something she knew was wrong, she only got a warning. if i did the same thing maybe a few weeks later, i got severly whipped for it. when my sister cut all her hair off and blamed me for it, i was immediatly punnished. she got caught in the lie a few days later, and everyone told her she had lost their trust, but she got it back maybe a week later, when it took me years to get back any form of trust. this was after she did everything she could to move over my dads. she didn't get any crap from it. she even cussed out my mom several times. i tried the same thing a few months later, i wanted to move to my dads to get out of the emotional hellhole i had been living in. i got cussed out by my mom and then she told me i wasn't allowed because she needed me here to watch my little brother. not because she loved me, not because she would miss me, but because she needed a free babysitter. that night, i cried for the first time in about a year. i fought with everything i had to live over my dads, and along the way, i attempted suicide, and i cut myself. i still do. but not because of before, but because my best friend commited suicide about 2 weeks ago. it makes me guilty for trying to talk to people about my problems because i know that there are people out there who have it worse than i do and i dont know who is going through what, and if i try to get out what im feeling, i could be talking to someone with worse problems. can anyone help me?

  • Anonymous

    To the individuals who are being abused:

    I initially came on this site to answer some questions about my current situation. I realize that as severe and as dark as my situation seems to me I see that there are so many lives out there that are truly suffering just as I am. I want to let you know DON'T LOSE HOPE! I know it may not seem that way, all the years you've had to deal with someone telling you "You're nothing," that you "Will Never Amount to Anything," that you were "A Mistake", that you're "Worthless", "Cheap", and that "No one will ever truly Love you because "You're all fucked up." Individuals who may have physically inflicted pain on you and told you that, "You made them do it", or that "If you would've not said foul things to them you wouldn't have gotten chocked or pushed", or said to you that "You provoked them" and that you "Deserve to be hurt or beaten because you're worthless."I want you to tell these people who are doing or saying these horrific things to you "Enough, I am not afraid of you!"

    I want you to know that there is a God, who sees everything and knows everything. That you are not alone! I say even if you don't believe in HIM, he believes in you and he is watching over you! Don't seek out vengeance, this will only cause you more pain. I know that sometimes you feel so helpless and so angry of what has been done to you! Don't commit the same cruel sin that others have comitted unto you! You will only be bringing a curse upon your soul.

    I would like you to say this prayer now or in your most desperate hour, if you get a chance to get this far in reading this:

    God, I come to you right now. I humble my will to you! You're my only hope, even though I feel that all have abandoned me I seek you right now in my most darkest hour! Please help me get through this most painful situation. I pray that you may help me overcome this and give me the courage to believe in myself and come out strong! I pray in your name Jesus Christ. Amen

    I know that he will hear you. Don't lose hope, please! We need you in this world. You're life is worth more than 7 worlds like this one!

    I pray for you to have peace today and I pray that your souls will be able to read this and know that you are not alone!

    Peace

  • boe

    I hate abuse !!!!!!!!!!!!

  • H. Sullivan

    How I stumbled upon this website, which I feel It was by the grace of God, was through face book. I was trying to start a page to help stop the cycle of abuse (emotional/psychological). My situationhas dates back approximately ten years or more. In 2000 I became involved with A New Hope Center in Owego, NY after explaining my situation to my EAP representive (where I worked at the time), where the founder looked at my information and then looked at me from above the rim of her glasses and said, 'yes these letters are abusive and yes you are a victem of abuse' though she did add that because it was part of emotional abuse, that it was a he said/she said situation and difficult to prove. As there are good days in here as well, I've become very frustrated because the majority of the time it seems to be an uphill battle. My concern however is not so much with me, as it is with my 14 year old son, who I feel is effected most by all this, because in 2008 I filed a petition in family court to have the our court order changed so as my son would have a voice in the matter. However, two days later my son called me at work to ask if he might be able to 'hang out' with a friend whom he didn't have a chance to do to often and I had said to call his father, due to the fact that it was a day that his father was to pick him up for a visitation. He then called me back at work and what he told me was again appalling to me because I wondered if this will ever end. My son told me that his step mother had said 'what, you think you can call the shot's now'. From that day forward, although it states my son has a choice, I believe that he really doesn't and that choice that I fought so hard for.

  • Still being abused in CT

    I see that there are a lot of tweens and teenagers writing on this forum about their experiences. I'm sorry that you all have gone/currently going through this. I can sympathize with you. I thought I would share because it wasn't until recently that I realized that I have been mentally abused by my mother.

    For as long as I could remember, my adoptive mother, daughter of a raging alcoholic and a control freak with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and a gambling addict, always telling me that I could never do a good enough job at anything that I tried to do. I never was praised and where I worked hard to acheive my goals in school or in my career, I, instead, got spoken to about how much better I could have done or what I had done wrong in that condescending tone of hers. I was always asked to clean the house during the summer months when I was on school break and did an exceptional job at it. When my mother came home she took one look and said, "You didn't do a good enough job. You didn't do anything. This place still looks dirty. The only person who can do a good enough job is me." She then proceeded to redo everything that I had already done.

    I also was heavily involved in volleyball and other school activities such as choir and band. I often would find my father the only parent sitting in the bleachers or audience and very seldomly saw my mother there. If she was there she always had the look of discontent or seemed like being there was a waste of her time.

    My teenage years were difficult because I often rebelled against her due to the fact that she was so controlling. She never let me have any friends over from high school and refused to allow me to have a boyfriend. I had boyfriends since the 7th grade and every year since until my senior year. My junior year in highschool was the most difficult because that was the first year that both of my parents knew about my boyfriend. She didn't like him because he wasn't the same race and because he lived in a trailer park. I always fought for him (he was my first love) and tried to explain to her that him living in a trailer wasn't his or his mother's fault that his dad left them. I tried to explain to her that because his mother was a single mother of two trying to make ends meet as best she could that the only housing they could afford was a trailer. They were good people with big hearts and that I loved them all so much. Unfortunately, that fell on deaf ears because all she said was that he and his family were trash and that she doesn't trust him. Still, that didn't stop me. Our arguments increased quite a bit with me wanting more freedom and wanting more time away from home.

    Our arguments were always heated and at one point had turned violent. She always has to have the last word and won't let anything go or let it be. She kept putting me down and saying how worthless I was and I had reached my breaking point. I threw a full 2-liter bottle of soda at her head from the porch down onto her in the driveway. It missed her but in the end, I was the one that needed to go to anger management.

    Things got better between us when I finally left home but unfortunately, I had to return recently because being unemployed due a recent layoff, and a condo that we were renting was sold under us forcing us out with two young children of my own and a husband who's job doesn't pay that much forced us into living with my parents once again.

    The abuse is still bad and now that I have two children of my own she is now saying that I don't know how to take care of them and how bad of a parent I am on top of everything else she used to say when I was younger. We had gotten into an argument last week over the disciplining of my children and how wrong it was that she was going to bring in my in-laws into the mix. During that argument I got so incredibly angry because I had advised her that she has no place or say in how my children are raised and disciplined nd athat everything that I had suffered throughout my life all came flooding back.

    The things that I learned from my therapist is that you, yourself, cannot change that person's behavior, responses and attitude towards any situation, regardless of what that may be. The problem is NOT you, it's them. There are things that they have experienced in their life that they have no idea how to handle and so the only way that they can feel important, powerful and be in control is to put you down. If you're able, get away from the situation so that you can put up your own boundaries. Remember, you are a wonderful person with a lot to offer the world. You are intelligent, beautiful and precious and worth fighting for.

  • ia

    When I first started dating my boyfriend he was so sweet. He had such a concern for my happiness, and soon ( 6 months later ) was wanting me to move in with him. I probably would have waited but I actually needed a roommate so it seamed to work out. It wasn't long after I moved in that I was made to feel like I was getting everything wrong, why couldn't i hang up the towels just the way he wanted, why did he have to ask me to clean the kitchen floor, this was something I should have just know. I'll be the first person to admit that I'm not perfect but the extent he makes me feel bad on a daily basis, nobody should have to go through. It may seam like little things but let say if he finds a glass with a water stain he will throw it on the floor and break it, he will curse like crazy and I feel like I am walking on eggshells. It is a horrible situation and I'm trying to afford a way out. I just can't live with being consistently criticized and made to feel guilty. I'm I crazy or is this abuse?

  • Helena

    to the comment below me, yup, that is abuse indeed. and he needs some anger managment.

  • christy

    I was just wondering what title the abuse I have endured is called. Since I was a child, my mother has always enjoyed putting me in harms way. It is as if she gets a sort of pleasure if bad things happen to me, and she will NEVER defend me or help me.

    Thanks!

  • superman

    Abuse is bad i dont know why people do it!!!!!!!!! THATS BAD

  • Anonymous-76

    I think that I have been in this type for awhile ... going on 4 years and havent been able to leave because of dependency....he makes me feel low and I remember when we first got together he had told me that he doesnt like fat girls...well I had a baby since and I havent been able to get down to the size I was before and sometimes the things I wear theres a negative side...like what I can or cannot wear...if we go to a party and like he says "if it looks slutty, I just wont go"...makes me feel like I am not worthy enough to be seen unless I am dressed like a nun...Am I in a verbal abuse or am I just taking it too personal?

  • Helena

    Hi, if someone is consistently putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself then this is a form of mental abuse. Someone doesn't have to shout or roar at you, if they keep being smart with you about your appearance ... 'you're slutty looking' ... 'you look fat in that' ... 'you're stupid', this has a deep impact on your self esteem. If you feel bad enough to come on here looking for advice then you know the answer already.

    I would recommend get someone to look after your child for a few hours in the evening and talk to your partner/husband when he gets home. Let him know how cruel his comments are and how hurt you feel. Have a discussion with him and see if he even realises what he's doing is wrong and having such a negative impact on you and on the family as a whole. I'm sure when you're upset child also feels it.

    If he doesn't realise then give him a second chance to change, however, if he does realise and is still being so nasty to you I would recommend you take a little break by yourself somewhere for awhile to think about your future with a man who doesn't appear to have any respect for you. Believe me, when communication doesn't work then it's time to think about your mental health and sanity. Hopefully though, he doesn't realise he's being so nasty to you and hurting you so deeply and a chat will be all it takes.

    I hope things work out for you. Be strong.

  • Nikki

    I am currently 24 years old, and I have been depressed for years, living at home.. I am not in a situation where I can move out on my own, but I feel as though I have suffered from years of verbal abuse.. it used to be very bad, I was called selfish a lot by my mother, which is completely untrue, and overly sensitive, which is indeed true.. but I've done so much for them.. endless amounts of housework, I help pay the bills when I can, and I haven't been able to be who I am as a person.. the abuse I have experienced for years is religiously.. I'm selfish, and a terrible person basically, for not feeling comfortable following their Christian beliefs.. I used to cut myself for feeling like such a sinner, I was forced to go to church for years, and it still happens today, though its more or so "Please come, you need to go" and if I don't, I will feel guilty, and hear about it later. I am scarred permanetely and have been put down so much, I hate myself as a person, as a human being, and as a daughter.. I have never dated, I don't have any true close friends, and I feel alone.. I don't ever think I could allow myself to be with anyone, with all this self hatred in my heart..

    I don't like hurting anyone, so I tried putting up with the religious differences for years, pretending I could make it work on my end, but I just can't anymore. I respect people's religions, but why force them on another? Of course living here, I've had to abide by the rules, but it's cost me so much pain, and anxiety :'(. I would hear things like "You have no reason to be sad, God has blessed you!" and "Don't reject God after all he's done for you" so everything that I do, I feel is wrong, and it's always turned to God and the Devil. I must have evil spirits in me, if I disagree, and feel differently. I'm not really ranting, I'm very sad at the moment, and just reflecting, but.. I hope no one has experienced not being able to be who you are.. I hope I can heal and mend, once I graduate college, and get on my own, but I've done so much damage to my health having breakdowns and anxiety attacks, I feel like my heart isn't in a good condition, and I feel it fluttering a lot, and I often have to take breaks from being lightheaded, dizzy, and having horrible migraines.. I love my family very much, but my esteem is gone, I never want to open up to anyone (dating wise), because I have too many problems mentally, and I wish I wasn't born sometimes, to cause anyone any pain... :'/ No one can hurt me like my family.. even a certain look will feel like a stab in the chest..

    I can't take disappointing them over small petty things anymore.. or hearing endless criticisms of what I'm doing wrong, when all I strive to do daily is right.. I will hang in there, until I can become independant, which is why I hardly ever complain.. this is my problem, I've kept myself in this awful situation, by not knowing a thing about being on my own, and being prepared for this life, at all.. I won't make it, the world is too cruel, and I cry too easily.. I need my mental strength back.. my purpose back.. I will continue to think positive, through this dark stage of my life.. everything happens for a reason...

  • Anonymous-77

    Sorry, never replied to a thing on internet but read about your suffering from your parents bad behaviour, and that is exactly what it is...i'm 36 and only in last 3 yrs worked out what you have done already...you are intelligent and sound one of the many other lovely people that unfortunately suffer abuse. i too have low self esteem due to lets just say 'comments'....i have not been in touch with my parents for 1 year now...and although sad and sometimes lonely i removed myself from the abuser, this is something i wish i had done years ago...not suggesting its what you do...but pls pick yourself up and enjoy your life..easier said then done i know...but you are a special person that as said before has just had other peoples bad behaviour placed on you...wierd bit is they would stop if they new how, but they don't even know...they love you without doubt...someone said to me ones..if you feel like someone is controlling you, do your best to deal with them as little as possible...you san be brave, you can face the world....read a great book have recently..Illusions by Richard Bach it has lovely quotes for a nice life ahead..it helped me...i hope it helps you. best wishes..An English Gent x

  • Anonymous-78

    I need a lot of medical and psychological care. I am an anomaly due to abuses that are yet ungraspable, and that have no "proves" to the others. Those abuses turned me into a monster of stupidity, as I tryied to melt together my ability to read and my inability to survive those horrible acts. I see now that the pain i've been through has been too much and that there is no resolution in a harmony that I hoped for, as you hope when there is nothing else to do. I was adviced to hope every time. Now this lie that is perpetuated by society, has turned against me. I only have taken from the others the idea of hope. Most probably I just couldn't really have it, due to circumstances. Most probably I am lost and I am expecting some consequences. I know you could not give me a piece of land now to live upon on this world. I want to leave UK, but I am considered a specimen unworthy of travel, as you imagine. I could see the pain in some people's eyes when they talked to me and saw that I believe in some things. I am disturbed from the other's point of view. Problem is i am not so disturbed as not to know that, I've always knew. I expected some help at a suitable time. I've been to therapists in the past 10 years. They didn't find in me what horrifies them now. So: I'm asking... could it be that you decide together what to do with your enemy, myself? Because if you don't do this together, you will fight because of me, on what territory not to burry me. Please find a place that you all agree that it's my place . I promise I won't ever disturb society again, I might not even talk to another person all my life. Just tell me where do you think I should go to leave you alone.

  • CB

    I left a 17 yr marriage cuz I was a "worthless piece of shit", for another man - who loves me, and really does the right way (which is hard for me). I am used to being treated like shit, and that doesn't happen anymore. My ex however tries to get my kids involved and make them make it a bad place for them. He violated the Temp. court order 5 times and my lawyer didn't do anyything...I have a new lawyer now, but the divorce is final and so is placement, He (my ex) wants me back for money. Mortgaged to the hilt to "pay me off" plus child support..

    I got away from the abuse, and shit and now cuz he has to pay money he wants to be a "better man"

    LOL

    CB

  • Susie Greer

    I recently left my home because of mental, physical and sexual abuse. First the abuser is a person I once trusted. But now that I do not and he wanted control, I had to call 911 and he currently has assault and battery charges. This was physical abuse. He tried to take advantage of me and I am not in )health. Because he could not control sex (that I refuse), he would go out at night to bars and drink alcohol heavily and then come home and I was to follow him to bed. This was a cycle he continued to do over an extended period of time. Unfortunately, he did physically abuse me, but it was my way out of the house. I am now awaiting to have surgeries for various reasons. He was angry that I am not in perfect health to walk beside him. It has been a long time to this point and I am happy that I am away from him. I will soon seek treatment, therapy and counseling for the abuse encountered and hope to have a normal life with people that are of no tolerance of this.

    Thank you for your website. I will continue to study abuse and seek counsel for help.

  • Anonymous-79

    I was just diagnosed as being mentally abused by my fiance. I knew he was being a jerk and I recently even started cutting myself. But I didnt realize that this kind of abuse was so serious. I always thought it was normal. I mean, with my 1st husband, I had a breast reduction because he liked small breasts & mine were big. But when we divorced, the courts didnt give 2 shits that he abused me & my kids. Now the ass hole has week to week visitation & Im in another abusive relationship. How do we break the cycle when we feel so needy?

  • Danielle

    Today I just found out that my boyfriend is being abused by his parents. I just dont know what to do about it. I've never been abused and I come from a loving family. I mean I knew his parents were doing some drugs and they are using alchol heavily, but he never told me he was being abused. How am I supposed to respond to that type of thing. I dont think I could help him becasue I never experienced it before.

  • Anonymous-80

    Today folks are crazy they want to knock you down and then try to act like they want to help, some do some don't .. . Men are ceazy someone is crazy but I know its not me im adhd and ocd and have some crazy person missing with me. Why do weird men try to control my life god help them...

  • Anonymous-81

    my entire life i've been abused in some way. the old saying "life is rough" does not even begin to cover the stuff i've seen, heard and been through. I love my family but they do and say the wrong stuff. abuse should not be over looked. think before you speak and listen before you acuse.

  • chris.

    i been with my bf for almost 3years, nd 5months ago we had a daughter. we had always had fights about dumb stuff nd he wouldnt yell at me so bad until i lefted him nd started talkin to a guy. we got back together nd 1month later is when i found out i was pregnant. early in the pregnancy everything was so good for us but once i started senior year he got texts saying i was flirting. he started calling me a b.... nd slut. nd now the fights are much worse. recently he threw cereal on me nd would spit in my face because when we fight i dont talk back nd for that he holds on to me tightly nd throws me on the bed. and just tonight he got my extra skin from my pregnancy nd twisted it. i keep telling myself it isnt abuse but im not sure.

  • God Loves Me

    Today I try this.05-08-11

    I am getting verbally abused by some of the neighbors in the place where I live. They stalk me and make up negative slanderous rhymes about everything and anything they think I have. It could be a new pair of shoes that I bought at the store. I know it sounds paranoid, but it is real. They are bent on hating on me and making me out to be things I am not. They want to hurt me emotionally and any way they can. They yell and heckle at me all day and all night. They insist that I am a big nothing and want for me to not go anywhere in life, nor have anything.

    I have been through a ton of counseling and therapy for depression. All the magical drugs do not remove the hurtful things these people play-say on me. I have been putting up with this abuse since I was 12. These people were parents with kids, whose kids are now parents with kids. They are like tape recorders having babies.

    I am not even sure exactly what they are saying. I was not raised to have a head full of sin like these persons have.

    Any one write me back. I can use the support.

    Sincerely,

    God Loves Me

  • alison

    ive been marraid twenty years my husband gets angry all the time i had to give up work 6 years ago due to depression i am looking for work now but he gets angry saying hes the only one who brings money in or if hes tierd

    he is angry nearly all the time

  • you don&#39;t know me

    you guys should stick for yourself's because it will only get worse. you guys can do it i know you can

  • Melvin

    Hello, good evening. This is Melvin. I have some complaints. What can I do to get rid of the sexual harrassment of the cops? I need help. I want to say something that I need peace and need to work out and exercise. I have been harrassed since 2007. I was going to shop to the Starbucks in the Santa Monica between St.Vincent and went to buy some small bread and I was assaulted by the cops unfairly. |I am very fondly scared of them and they have traumatized me for so long. I need help and tell the cops to leave me alone. I need peace and I am gay and tell them to leave me alone and need the peace and have the freedom to shop the malls and buy cothes and express happiness and be among gay people. I need help. I am American Citizen and I feel they are trying to kick me out. I do not know if for some reasons that I look illegal like Mexicans are harrasing me because I am American Citizen. The cops assaulted me and put me spouses around my hands and were checking me and I did not know what it is going on. I am very upset with the cops because they are really bothering me. I am hard of hearing. I do not know for what reasons are they bothering me? What can I do? I need peace. I feel they are trying to send me back to Guatemala. Need help.

  • Eliose Beda

    An Abusive Mother’s hatred for her daughter is overwheming. This is killing the loving and caring Father. Her abusive nature has separated the Father from his Family.

  • Anonymous-82

    hi i don't know how will i explain my problem, i moved to usa with my parents 15 years ago, my parents were never good to me, as a older sister in the family and as a daugher i always had to obey them which i did. after i moved here i had a hard time to adjust in usa but i overcame with those problem somehowl,when i got almost adjusted in here thats when my parents start to force me for marriage, i had no choice because all my life i heard that i am stupid person who is not capable of doing anything. anyway i got married and i have a 2 years old son now. i am not happy at all in my married life. my husband always blame for everything very much every night he try to physically attack me and he tell me that his life is wasted because of me. i am so confused with everything. i want to divorce him because i can't live like this anymore, i don't get any help from my parents either, if i complain them about my husband they will trust my husband over me. i don't make that much money, i just make 1400 doller a month and i have lots of debt. i don't know at this stage what i will do. i want to get a job which will pay me better and leave my parents and husband. i am so tired of everything now. can anybody help me to find a job which will help me to support myself and my baby.

  • Melgar Melvin

    What can I do to survive with the cops abuse. I have been physically abused by cops and been sexually harrassed by them. I need help. I do not want to take pills anymore. I need your help how to survive with them. I have also have another problem that I have near death experience and the rest of them do not understand me the situation I have had. I wish I could sue to the government and the USC Hospital for trillion of dollars. I will be thankful to you.

    Your friend,

    Melvin

  • Victim That Knows About This

    Hello. I'm a victim of abuse-physical, emotional, and possibly psychological. When I was a kid I was severely beaten by my dad and grandpa for the smallest things. They overreacted to everything and any time they were mad I always paid even though I was always innocent. The phsysical stuff stopped a while ago but I'm still verbally abused almost every day. I'm called stupid, talked about when others think I'm not listening (guess what, guys, I CAN hear you, and yes it DOES hurt!!), bullied (why can't you be like your sister? Oh right, you're a screwup. You can't be like her.),Blamed for stuff I couldn't possibly have done (I've been blamed my entire life for things I never ever did), cut down and labeled. It's messed me up for life. Thanks, Dad. You did me a great favor treating me like crap. Hope you're pleased with yourself. Denying you did all this to me is also NOT acceptable! You deserve to get in huge trouble for doing all this to me.

  • Anonymous-83

    I would say stand up but it's hard to muster up courage when your being punched by someone twice your size literally. Its even harden when thy ble the reason for why there doing it on here. It's scary the thoughts you have when something bad is going on, no one want Sri have them and shouldnt fight someday we all will no madder how big or small or what type of abuse your getting never give in.

  • lol

    just go for help any achnce you can get and dont let it get you down

  • kitt

    i live in Gastonia, North Carolina, my father has slapped me a few times, i have ran away from home 2 times, on both occasions i was told by the cops that i had deserved it, even though i did nothing wrong to deserve this. i am a female of the age 15, i want to leave but i know i cant, i do NOT want to be put in a home with strangers, i want to get away from my dad. when i am 16 can i run away to a male friends house and not be brought back, EVEN if the locate where i am? any advice or loop holes? i go to bed crying every night because he threatens, cusses, screams and i cant take it! help? im scared.... and alone..

  • Agnieszka

    I’m so sorry that you are abused by your father. I wish he would stop and realize the damage he is doing to you before it is too late. I suggest you contact the police, a teacher, family members, friend’s parents or anyone you trust. Maybe you will be able to stay with them until your father can get some help for his rage. You do not deserve this no matter what the situation was because no abuse is justifiable. I pray that you get help soon so you can be in a safe and loving environment away from your abuser. God bless and stay strong! I too was in an abusive situation and got help. It isn’t easy to tell someone what is happening, but you must! The longer you wait the more dangerous the situation will get. Please seek help and tell someone about what is happening to you. *hugs*

  • Anonymous-84

    Hello im from oklahoma city, my dad does the exact same thing, do you ahve a buddy? a friends parent that you can move in with? trust me report it to your school counselor and the will call dhs and dhs will take you away and move you in with a friend. trust me i did it and it worked and ive never been happier in my life.

  • AshleySmith

    well my boyfriend of kind of bullying me around and name calling me and pullting me down , and scary me , he keep on doing it about every day

  • Malinov

    Kitt,

    Don't think your alone, because your not. I'm in a simular situation as you. I was physically and verbally abused for part of my life, and am still verbally abused. When I was much younger my father would beat me with anything that was laying around. Beat me for nothing to the smallest of stupid stuff. Now it's just verbal abuse. I may be 18, and want to leave home to escape it all, but I made a promise to my mother, so I won't/can't ever leave her alone in the house with that worthless f**k. My mother is the only thing that is holding me to this earth, if it wan't for her I would have killed myself a long time ago. My father insulst and purposely puts us down and then turns around saying he was "joking", joking my a$$. Every chance he gets he puts us down and tears us all the way down to where we would actually believe that maybe what he calls us is really what we are. Not showing how badly it affects me is draining as hell. I may be 18 but that isn't the age I feel, I feel so old and worn through. And I find myself asking myself "Is this the day I completely break from it all the weight weighing down on top of me?" & "Is this the day I will finally get to rest in peace?" I'm tired of all the BS. When and if I can I make him take out his anger on my instead of the rest of my family. I may be the youngest next to my 3 siblings, but out of them only me and my brother can take his anger without letting him know just how badly he is hurting us. But in the end I have to turn to cutting in order to calm the anger and pain that consumes my mind and heart.

    Yes, Kitt, It will be a tiring fight. Just find that piece of hope that when the time comes you will be free from it all. You in no way deserved what he did to you. The time will come whenyou you get your justice and he will have to pay for what he did to you.
    I bearly hold onto that hope. For I sold my soul for my mother, my sibling, and our farm. I just hope I too will get my justice in time.

    Find faith,

    Malinov

  • Anonymous-85

    Should my care givers be protecting me against all that stuff and the people who come to my house

  • April

    Hey y'all I was wondering if anyone had some advise for me, I really don't know what to do, it's quite a long story but I'm gonna try to sum it all up. Bout two summers ago, I came to live with my dad who I haven't seen in 12 years, for about the first month everything was great! I was lovin life and happy for the first time in my life. Then my dads wife stepped in, now they have been married as long as me and my dad have been apart, she has tried everything in her power to run me off because she absolutly hates me. No that is not just a teenage exaggeration , it's the truth and she has told me many times. She has called me every name under the sun, said she won't rest til I'm gone. And now she's even moved on to threatening to mess up my future. Saying that she'll bring up these assault charges(which arnt true) and get me kicked out of the army. I am 17 year old girl enlisted in the army and waiting til I graduate so I can go to basic training. She is basically blackmailing my father into doing what she wants, and through him blackmailing me. She has alienated me from the rest of the family, spread lies throughout it, and I can't be anywhere near my father without her finding a way to run me off. Now I consider myself a strong person, I've been through a lot of stuff in my life, but I just can't take this anymore, I can't live with the consistent fear that she's going to make what I have planned for the future nonexistent . I love my dad dearly and he hates this as much as I do, but his hands are tied as well. Please, I'm begging y'all out there, tell me what to do, I feel so helpless

  • katlin

    hi live life your way! dont let anyone tell you who you are! Dont care for the ones who have done you wrong,they dont desivere you! you desiver to be happy in your life!

  • chelsy L

    i am chelsy i am 16 years old .. i never had a real role modle in my life .. my mom and dad got marryied at the age of 18 he than join the U.S army and they moved to texas , 2 years later they had me i mom movied back in with her mom at idaho and i was born their at the age of 3 weeks my mom and dad got doviors 2 years later she get remarryed and has to more kids that where boys my mom had a stroke after birth with my yougest brother and i nearly lost both of them ... after the stroke my mom because addict to pain killers and was sleeping all day and my step dad was always at work and my dad i never reallly knew who he was . my mom wasnt taking to school and she was bring a new guy at our house almost everyday ,at the age of 7 i was rasing myself and a new born and a 5 year old .. i then was getting abused poeple would go to my room at the middle of the night and rape me after the stroke my step dad and mom got devoir and that when i found out that he wasnt my real dad it still get to this day . a few weeks later she gose to coliforna and get marryed for 2 weeks and then theres another devoirs . when i was 10 year old my mom got marryed to a guy named rick it was my birhday and i was going with him to pick up my birthday cake he pulls over the cars and push me in the back of the van i was raped on my birthday my dad finly took me away for my mom on july 22, 2008 at 10:30 i was sad to leave my mom and brothers i was moving to a differnt state and it was tennncceee i was doing great but on july i went to vist my mom for summer viction for 7 weeks i had my birthday party there where 4 boys and 5 girl we where all young i was 11 my friend micheal was 12 my step sister was 11 my friend chennna was 10 and my brother presten was 5 and sean was 8 cody was 14 and livia my baby sister who was staying the night was 18 years old yes it was a busy night at that age i was going my own loundier and liva went in there locked the door and raped me he threaten me and said if u tell any one ur familly will be on firer. i stayed up all that night to pretect everyone but my brother sean didnt want to go to bed and everyone else was but me and 3 boys i asked him to stay in my mom room but he just wouldn t listen so i gave up at 7:30 am i fall alseep i wake up to a scream it was my brother i look down on the floor to see what going on and the 18 year old was raping my little brother i was to tired and young to do anything so i fall right back to sleep in the moring i was asked qustion but i didnt say anything tell 4 months later he got 3 years in jail for me and that it he didnt get anything for my brother i still blame my self now i am 17 years old i runaway from my dad and moved in with my mom again my brothers still dont live with her its just me my mom and bamib .. i am okay now i just still cant get it out of my head i am on medation after all i was raped by 7 diffent people form the time i was 6 to the age of 11 i have deppression and ptsd i have learned from this though to always let someone know if you are getting abused

  • Anonymous-86

    Upon arriving to faceback into the violent household of control.I was face with death threats. I took myself,my daughter and my dog.We waited at a sherrifs office department in the middle of the night to be taken to a shelter.How sad is it that the shelter was in need of financial aid to the extent that we were better off here in the throw's of abuse in all form's. I'm alway's thinking of those mother's there with there children,afraid,pennyless and without the years of mending that they would surely need. I can survive this because I'm trained too but am in need of getting out. I'm due for comfort and kindness.I've even had my worst fear's of my old day's of being stalked. going by a window and seeing a body in camoflauge looking in. That was my last test I suppose. My biggest fear of the past days. I am a survivor of domestic violence and have been pushed back into this life like a test subject on how much she can take. I'm fine with that. i do hope though that funding will be put into the shelter's that need it. were all here for a reason right? My reason is experiance and then tell you of my outlook on what I've knewly been threw. P.S. Audio technology is a knew way to terrorize. make the targeted think there "crazy". win a court case,win custody etcetera.Now that's a lawsuit if I ever saw one.

  • Jamie Simpson

    My mother and oldest daughter assaulted me in my own home in Oct. 2013 in front of my 2 younger children. A few nights later after the assult I began to have repressed memories from my childhood as to what my mother did to me as a child...I don't understand why now after all these years later and that it took an assult for me to remember. I was 4 to 5 yrs old and my mother made me sit in my bdrm closet for hours on end in the dark with nothing to play with and the only time I cld leave that closet was if I had to go to the bathroom or if it was time to eat and then I was ran right back to that closet and in the dark. My father worked nights at the time so he is oblivious as to what has taken place...I remember another time I was crying out for my father and my mother thru me up against thewall saying that I was not to diturb him. When I was 6 to 7 yrs old I remember that my mother bound my hands and feet totogether and put me in their bdrm closet with a bunch of clothes on top of me to muffle out any sound that I was to make...eventuality my father found me and if he hadn't I probably wldnt be here today. My teenage yrs my mother wld use insults to abuse me with and the same for my adult yrs as well. Since Oct. 2013 there was been a riff in the family and my father doesn't believe me that my mother wld do such a thing to me as a kid bc it just isnt in her nature to do so...Im planning on going to threapy starting next week and I will make all of them see.

  • Mike Wilson

    I have no idea whats happening. I am 13 and i just finished 6 grade. My dad has been dating a woman for 8 months now... about every 2-8 days they start yelling at eachother for reasons that are very easy to figure out. my dad locked her out of the house 2 times and kept her out for like 3 hours, and when she is let in its like a yelling fest in the bedroom for 30 minutes. one time my dad was in a very bad mood and when she was about to take a shower more yelling happened. she exused herself to ''use the bathroom'' and locked the door and put a quarter in the groove to keep it from opening to stay away from my dad, about 30 seconds later my dad tried to kick down the door and he sis and when he went in i heard him screaming as loud as he can then said '' i swear im gonna kill you''. now 2 months later she is still alive and she has bad depression from this. i am developing anxiety and depression from all of this. usualy after the arguments my dad comes to tell me ''thats how women are''' and i dont belive him... and now my dad has a very short temper from this... please tell me what to do i am just a kid i need severe help before this ''relationship'' becomes physical

  • A friend

    Dear Mike,

    My heart breaks reading your writing. You don't deserve to be living the way you are, with the craziness that you're seeing around you. I wish that I could be the superhero and whisk you and all of the other posters on this site out of your situations. I think what it comes down to is this: you have to tell a person in authority--a counselor at school, for example, or EVERY counselor at school. You have to be a good parent to yourself--strange as that sounds--because no-one who is supposed to be the parent is doing even close to an adequate job. I want you to know that I am a 54 year old woman, and if I could, I would rescue you. But you are going to have to do that for yourself, as hard as that sounds. And the parenting that you do is going to require your reminding people that they are not doing their jobs if they don't fix the problem and get you out of that hell.

    Remember this, and I say this to everyone: You've got to save yourself. If your parent or spouse/partner is mistreating you, THEY've got serious problems. They are not capable of being healthy.

    So, first: be the parent for yourself.

    Second: Remind yourself, every day, of something beautiful or kind or thoughtful about you--you need to remember at least a bit of what's wonderful about you. Did I say EVERY DAY? Yes I did. If you think about how much you love a certain flower, or the way the air feels in the late afternoon, then take that, and appreciate that you are the kind of person that feels those sorts of things.

    It's hard I know. Having grown up with abuse myself, I know the risks and experienced them: thinking yourself not worth much, being attracted to untrustworthy people, and expecting to fail are some of the problems. But the world has good people in it and you will find them if you take your time. Observe people, and notice who listens to what you say, and who wants friendship and love that are about equality and understanding instead of power.

    I just wish that it could be different for you right now, Mike. And the same goes for everyone here. And it will be just take care of yourself as though you were your own best friend, if that works better for you than to think of a parent taking care of you.

    All the best to you,

    Aimee

  • margaret

    i would like to know if an elderly lady has a constant compultion to pick holes in her head and by putting what is only available a pair of socks on her hands to save her picking a form of abuse its like a massacre has happened at times

  • Tiff

    The fellow I'm dating recently had an argument with a women living in the house he is group sharing. In the phone conversation with me about the event, he made the statement "Women are c*nts of things!". I was so offended I couldn't think straight - so I hung up the phone. He called me back and I got really angry with him, I told him I would not tolerate that kind of abuse. He claimed he didn't have to apologise for his statement because it's true. He then went on to say that all women are hormonal and that they verbally and psychologically abuse men when they're in that state - therefore he was justified and right to make what I thought was an extraordinarily vile statement about women. My view is that his comments are inappropriate in the extreme, and I would consider them a form of abuse. What are your thoughts?

  • Gigi

    My boyfriend of four years is abusive verbally by insulting me, screaming and yelling at me. He also humiliates me in public. The abuse has gotten to be more hurtful and more frequent. I am turning fifty next month and I feel so lost, he has all but destroyed my self esteem and self confidence. He is a bully and I am tired of locking myself in the bathroom to escape his wrath. Would a shelter take a single woman suffering verbal abuse.