Male Self Concept And Small Penis Syndrome

During June of 2007 I posted an article entitled, "An Anxiety Disorder, Small Penis Syndrome."

There has been an outpouring of comments about the article especially from men who complain that they suffer from small genitals.

This is an extremely difficult issue to discuss because it involves very real feelings of pain and suffering on the part of those males who believe their genitals are too small to satisfy a woman. This is an issue that strikes deep into the heart of male virility and sense of masculinity. That is the reason why, with respect to these men, it is important to look at some of the evidence from medicine about this issue.

A review of the literature on the topic of men and penile size and length reveals the fact that it is normal for men to under estimate the size of their genitals. This is so much so, that some medical experts believe that it is not psychologically abnormal for a male to believe that they have a small penis. Only when that belief becomes an obsession and interferes with performance will the Medical Experts consider this abnormal.

There are a variety of reasons for men to be think that they have small sexual equipment:

For one, young boys, viewing their adult male role models, naturally are impressed by what they see and doubt that they can ever become "so big."

Secondly, adolescent boys in the gym locker room in either High School or Middle school, may make negative comparisons between them selves and their classmates. In this, they lack knowledge that teenagers grow and mature at different rates. Just like the variety of heights, facial hair, and other features, teenage boys do not have identical bodies, especially at a time when the growth rate from one boy to the next is so variable.

Thirdly, there is the influence of pornography on what males come to think and believe about their bodies. Pornographic material exaggerates penis size into something totally unrealistic.

Fourth, there is a lot of misunderstanding about sexuality, sexual function and male-female sexual relationships. For example, the size of the penis when it is flaccid and erect are totally different. The flaccid or "limp penis" look very different and this is something that many males fail to understand.

Fifth, men, peering down at their genitals, do not have an accurate view of their genitals, causing them to under estimate their size.

Sixth, there is a steady stream of advertisements in magazines and on the Internet about enhancing the size of the male sex organ. These advertisements play upon the fears and anxieties of those men who retain the fear and anxiety that they are too small. This is another form of exploitation.

Finally, studies show that women approve of and report satisfaction with the genitalia of their partners. However, the very same men in these studies report just the opposite of what their women report.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

In many ways, this stark difference between what men and women report about male bodies parallels female dissatisfaction with their bodies.

Over years of private practice, it has been amazing to me to hear extremely attractive women state how unhappy they are with their appearance.

It has been suggested that the distorted opinion men have about their appearance is a form of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

Medical Evidence:

Urological studies done around the world, among every nationality, ethnic and racial group, indicates that there is no such thing as a male having a "small penis." There are cases in which males are born with severe medical disorders, such as the penis being stored up and inside of the body. By the way, this is quite different from those males born with undescended testicles, a condition that often corrects itself before puberty and has nothing to do with penile size.

In the studies mentioned above, when the men in the studies were offered free surgery to enlarge their genitalia, the offer was rejected. There seems to be a sense among these men that their view of themselves is inaccurate.

In fact, one study of men who suffer from the false notion that they are too small, sex education was provided about penile structure and function. The results of the study were encouraging in that most of the men came to realize that they were quite normal.

Comments to the article:

I found it really interesting that one of the women who commented on the article about "small penis syndrome," reported that she was pregnant even though her partner believes that he is too small to satisfy her. She added that she feels quite satisfied. It seems that some men are almost delusional about how they think of their equipment.

Some of the men who commented about the article not only reported that they are small, but that they experienced a girl friend criticizing them their appearance. Of course, such a criticism reinforces this false self perception.

Why would a woman make a critical comment about the size of their partner's genitalia?

The answer to the question is that there are always people who are insensitive, sadistic or cruel and uncaring about the feelings of others. In the same way, I have heard many women complain that a husband or boyfriend was critical about their breast size, weight or sexual appeal.

In these types of circumstances in which a boy or girl friend levels this type of criticism, I would suggest finding a new partner who is not mean and sadistic.

Male Circumcision:

I have not seen one shred of evidence that male circumcision causes any type of sexual dysfunciton. Male circumcision, whereby the foreskin is removed from the penis, most often during infancy, is practiced all over the world by diverse cultural groups. In some cases it is practiced for religiou reasons and in others for health reasons.

As to whether or not there are health benefits or not to male circumcision is a matter of debate. There are those researchers who report that it prevents cancer of the penis later in life. There are also those who state that it helps prevent cervical cancer in women. The debate continues unabated with ther result that some families practice because they believe in the health benefits of circumcision while others do so for their continuing religious reason.

Suggestions:

1. I want to encourage any male who believes that there is something wrong with their genitalia to visit a urologist to get a medical evaluation and solid medical evidence as to whether there really is or is not something wrong. If someone's genitalia are immature, there usually is medical treatment available.

2. I want to encourage those of you who are interested, whether male or female, to do a search on Google Scholar and read the many abstracts available at no cost on this topic. An Internet search can also be done.

3. If you have taken these steps: done the reading that is suggested and visited an MD and get clearance from the doctor that all is well, that you go for psychotherapy to help with the deep seated feelings of low self esteem, fear and anxiety.

Cautionary Note:

It really makes no difference whether a man's penis is really small or he believes so. Being convinced that your sexual organs are in some way inadequate is horribly painful and humiliating whether you are a male or female. Even if an MD is likely to report to a man, after a full examination of his genitalia, that everything is normal and healthy, in no way means that the man will believe this to be true. That is why I am encouraging both medical examination, follwed by psychotherapy over this extremely painful and sensitive issue.

Your comments are welcome

Editor's Note: August 3rd, 2009: Several days ago, after watching a disturbing trend of angry comments start to bloom into outright advocacy of aggression (something we could not allow), we decided to turn off comments on our series of Small Penis Syndrome (SPS) articles. We regret that it has come to this as we have become amply aware that it is important that people have a place to go on the Internet where they can talk about this powerful anxiety and the shame that surrounds it. Today, we are restoring read-access to the older comments, but are not going to accept any new comments on the essays themselves.

Comments
  • Joyce Ola.

    Size does matter people will say but go with someone that will take you for who you are and not make you feel bad because they have been with dfferent men and feel some men have some big sexual organ, have your sexual organ checked by the doctor as suggested and if you are in the clear just look for a woman that will take you for who you are.

    you are who you are and unique in your own special way.

    Not all men have big or large sexual organ some have a small sexual organ but feel confortable with it, women make comments about size to make men feel bad because thats where the ego is, if a man has a bad attitude to a woman she will want to bring him down by saying he has a small penis. we are all unuqui in our own little way. be nice and you wil not have a woman tell you that you are small.

    JOYCE OLA.

  • Anonymous-1

    Dr.,

    How can you continue to imply that this is merely a psychological problem in spite of the fact that several men have cited real life examples of being rejected by women due to the size of their penis? Some of whom reported having a penis that is technically considered to be of average size, albeit on the low end of that scale, yet they were still shunned by the opposite sex. So they bravely share their story here only to have you insult them by telling them it's all in their head, when their life experience clearly proves otherwise. You've also misrepresented the facts of the study you cited. The very same study found that 68% of women surveyed who rated their partner as having a small penis were not satisfied. So the blanket statement that 85% of women in general are satisfied with the size of their partner's penis is not accurate.

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    If anyone feels insulted by this posting I regret it because there is no intention to cause either hurt or insult. The term that you use, "merely a psychogical problem" implies that if a problem is psychological in nature it is minor or unimportant. Nothing could be further from the truth. As both articles on this subject state it is extremely painful to someone to believe they have a small penis, whether it is actually true or not. In addition I advise, and I want to repeat the advice, that people who believe they suffer from a small penis, seek medical adivice and not rely on girl friends who, unfortunately, can be very cruel. Medical validation is important because us men are not reliable reporters about the size of our penis, whatever women might say.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • J

    Having read the article and the comments, I feel a need to share my experience.

    I just found out that my wife of 13 years was having an affair with a man who has a 12" penis...I can only offer her my measly 7.5" erection. Long story short, one morning while having sex, her 'boyfriend' calls. She no longer wanted sex with me, and went to her lover's bed. She cites that her lover was able to heighten her orgasm by pain caused by the longer penis pounding her cervix.

    It came down to a decision...me, with 13 years of life's trials and tribulations, mother of my son, many hospitalizations (she has many ailments) and doing without sex...or a stranger with 4.5" more of penile meat.

    She wanted no more of me, and went to HIS bed. How did it affect me? I now:

    -have no sexual confidence

    -have a very poor body image

    -believe that I have a small penis, and can not properly satisfy ANY woman

    -feel that I am unworthy of attention

    If the author of this article suggests that being rejected by reason of a small penis is purely conjecture and that waving facts around will bring dudes around, he's dead wrong. I know that my organ is larger than average, but being rejected by my wife for a bigger penis has wreaked havoc on me psycologically.

  • mark

    However psychological proffesionals try to minimize the physical pleasure woman derive from copulating with a large penis the fact is that there is a huge difference in the aforementioned pleasure. my eife never felt what she did with 3 or 4 (or maybe more!) previous partners as she did with my below average member. Even the mental exciement of wondering "how are we goig to get that thing in !" is the difference between a little one and an average to above average penis. The first nick name I got after meeting my prospective wife was The ittle One". |After the first time we had sex I got every excuse from I over lubricate or I am too big. It's not funny because I didn't even find out that all my wifes previous lover's were way larger than me!!! Why didn't she tell me before we were married. 23 years later I am still suffering!! I wish I never went through what I did and it really hurt me bad!!! It's not funny and it's serious and the nuclear family will always suffer in the end (we are still reeling from the sexual revolution of the sisties!!!)

    Sincerely,

    Mark

  • Anais

    I wish his penis was bigger. I would never tell him that as obviously there's nothing he can do about it, and I would never want to make him feel inadequate.

    I do enjoy our sex life and would not trade our life together for a different man with a larger penis.

    I've read the comments here and I'm saddened by the men who just want some validation that, maybe, yes penis size does make a difference to pleasure being told that no, no they just need to work on their self-esteem.

    So here it is: yes, penis size makes a difference to the woman's pleasure. Not so much of a difference that the sex is not enjoyable, though. Honestly, foreplay and different positions make up for it.

  • Anonymous-1

    So what do you have to say about Anais's comments doctor? Ready to accept the fact that this isn't just some psychological anomaly? How about the comments Bryan posted under your previous entry? Is three different women making fun of him due to his penis size a symptom of this "syndrome," as you like to call it? Wake up Dr. Schwartz. These women aren't the sadists you accuse them of being. It's 2008. Women aren't criticized for being open about their sexual preferences like they were in the 50's. They're not afraid to admit that they don't get sexual satisfaction from a small guy. If the medical community really wants to help, then don't waste our time trying to convince us that it's all in our heads when we both know it's not. Focus your efforts instead on trying to find a reliable method of enlarging the penis, so those of us cursed with a small one can get help the help we need and lead the normal lives we want so desperately desire.

    Editor's Note: A few thoughts. First, the doctors here at Mental Help Net are psychologists not physicians. Psychologists do not practice medicine they practice psychology which, with the possible exception of hypnotherapy or behavioral medicine, will never address physical penis size enlargement. Only surgeons can do that sort of thing.

    Second, if you read Anais' comment you will also see that she is expressing the sentiment that she is content in her marriage despite the fact that things are not 100% as she would prefer physicially. Which is, I believe, a sentiment that many married partners can understand. No one person can embody every possible physical characteristic that could be found attractive at some point in life, and therefore there will always be something that can be perceived as lacking in a partner, especially after you've been partnered for a long time. You have chosen to focus on Anis' complaint rather than on her essential contentment, which is, I think, an instance of Filtering so as to focus on the negative - a cognitive bias that promotes depression and anxiety (read about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for more information on that.

    With regard to physical size modifications, I'm reminded of how many women feel inadequate about their breasts and choose to undergo surgery to have them enlarged. For every few men that likes such enlarged breasts, there are other men who find the surgery results to be gross - so i don't think that modification is always going to produce the desired results either (at least not with the sort of near-term surgical options that may become available - future stem-cell/genetic/organ-cloning sorts of developments may be a different story)

    Finally, there is a lot to be said about the psychology of self-acceptance. If you have as a mindset that you are inadequate, it is possible that even if you could address one manner of inadequacy, you will find others later on. Enough is never enough when you look to examine yourself with a critical eye. and you can never be truly happy when you are not enough. Only you can give yourself the gift of being enough - it cannot come from outside judgment, becuase if it does, your self-opinion will always be a slave to outside opinion. Self-acceptance is something you can work on and improve. One of the best methods for this is meditation practice and the development of a non-judgmental "witness" consciousness from which you can look at yourself without feeling so inadequate. You may never be able to make yourself into something you are not and it may indeed be the case that some women only want larger men. A woman's preference is an outside thing you cannot control. However, you can learn to control your own self-critical tendencies that cause you to become so unhappy.

  • Mars

    I am afraid that it is either medically irresponsible or ignorant to suggest that there is no evidence that circumcision contributes to sexual dysfunction or that it does not alter sexual function in any way.

    A recent study by a Cornell University anthropologist sought to understand the reasons why circumcision arose independently in several cultures. It was found that circumcision made adultery less attractive, as it reduced the likelyhood of conception during an adulterous affair. The Cornell study found that circumcision also appeared to "reduce conflict among men." URL: http://www.news.cornell.edu/stories/March08/male.mutilation.apfel.html

    So much for the null hypothesis that circumcision has absolutely no effect on sexual function.

    An Australian survey in 1995 showed circumcised men to have erect penises an average of 8mm shorter than intact men.
    [1. R. D. Talarico and J. E. Jasaitis, "Concealed Penis: A Complication of Neonatal Circumcision," Journal of Urology 110 (1973): 732-733. 2. Richters J, Gerofi J, Donovan B. Why do condoms break or slip off in use? An exploratory study. Int J STD AIDS. 1995

    The controversy surrounding routine infant circumcision means that involuntary circumcision cannot be a strongly justified violation of moral rules in the sense that amputating a limb to save a life is a strongly justified, uncontroversial violation of moral rules [the rule violated being "do not disable.'] Persons have a right to uninterrupted sexual development.

    Whether an infant will have an affair upon reaching adulthood or whether men of his tribe will trust the infant more upon reaching adulthood is not sufficient reason for circumcising. The willingness of the medical profession to countenance the violation of the right of persons to their own bodies is staggering.

  • man

    You know this is a question of pleasure. The leading sex toy bought by women for themselves is the pearl Rabbit. Its shaft is 5 inches long. How many women would you see walking in to sex shop grabbing a 10 inch vibrator or dildo, not many. Is that all they need you ask, well you should be more worried about your wife or girlfriend having sex with a woman these days, check it out at the clubs, the movies, magazines, theres a bi-curious female revolution. This all boils down to one thing, ultimate pleasure seeking. It never ends. It is not you to a certain degree. If a woman insults you or wont have sex with your tiny dick shock her, Just laugh and say who gives a crap or pick up a woman on the side. Show her your more than a cock. We are all screwed, men and women. Those women thinking there great will get there downfall. You got yours all ready but theres is around the corner. We all get trampled on. If it aint breast cancer, it could be cervical cancer, or aids, or in fertility, or abusive partner, or a nervous breakdown, its inevitable they will eventually fall away and they are not invinsible, they like to think they are. They love big cock yes but we love pussy. So as long as you get pussy enjoy it and do your best with it. At least you wont be used by them, like they will be used by the big cocks who will just move on to the next piece of tight vagina once theres is loose. Sex is like the other pleasures, gambling some people like to put on $1 and others $1000, some people like to use cannabis others need heroin, some like 2 drinks others like to fall out the door drunk. Some like a 8 inch thick dick and others would try it and might enjoy it but they would take good connection and warmth of a lover any day. Nobody is happy these days. they think they know what they want but what will satisfy their appetite for inner happiness. We will all suffer in the end, we will all have the same pain, these women think they know happiness, happiness is only moments of contemptment. You think you need a big cock, sure you might but who says you would be a good father then, who says you would be a good worker, who knows what other problems you might have. Women of 2008 and of the western world will do anything to get one over on men and will trample on anyone to get what they want. Men can be very uncaring and hurtful too and some of these women can use that hurt on new nice boyfriends and think all men have no feelings. If a man can lift blocks and has strength to be a good fireman but has a 5 inch penis does that make him less of a man then some guy who has a 10 inch dick. Who knows, we will leave that to the Gods. Laugh at the women, say you would love to have some tight young asian pussy because it would feel better than their loose old vaginas, check their faces out .All you can do is what you can do. Thats all that counts in your lifetime. Smile.

  • jill

    i think this all a real pity-life can be so cruel

  • Maria

    I recently discovered a lot of Gay porn (men) on my husbads mobile phone... and I confronted him about it...

    He eventually explained that he has had a long standing problem, he thinks he is tiny (which he really is not!). He 'claimed' to have been keeping these pictures to 'compare himself with'. Some of the men in these pictures were very young (we have children so this was a HUGE concern). He then said that the only way he could feel better was to find pictures of smaller penises than his...

    I had been having trouble beleiving him as he has never given any sign of any problem.

    Since finding this article... I'm still unsure but I do now know that this is a real problem.

    He has made arrangements to be referred to a specailist.

  • James

    I have a small penis. 5 inches and not too thick. Now I have been married for 19 years and I think we have a great sex life, but it seems as my wife gets older and a bit heavier, the friction of our sex has become less and there are some postions others take for granted that I just can't do. She never complains and says I completely satisfy her, but I still feel so totally inadequete and feel she isn't telling me the truth. My greatest fear is to have my marriage end and have to date again. I would probably never be able to date again for fear of exposing my penis to another woman. My wife and I have been together since we were kids so she doesn't have much experience outside of me.

    I work with a lot of girls who talk openly of how they have broken up with guys solely based on their penis size. It cuts me like a knife to hear those stories. I want to go somewhere and just cry. Two weeks ago this gal was telling us she met this guy who was everything. Great face, body, and personality. She said the forplay was fantastic. Then she said her dream was shattered when he whipped out his small penis, and she discontinued the romance. I guess when I was in my teens and dating I never heard women openly discuss stuff like that so I didn't know any better and did have my fair share of sex, but now the words of those women who need a big member just ring uncontrolably in my head. What I wouldn't give to just have a mid sized penis.

    Another part of the problem of having a very small penis is being around other men. Not that this issue is that big of a deal, but what I wouldn't give to be able to proudly walk around a healthclub locker room with my unit a swinging. I will not ever shower in that type of situation. Oh one more thing. When peeing at urinals without stalls. It's a nightmare.

    It's not just a psycological issue people. It's just the way it is. I feel like God played a huge joke on me because I am such a sex addict, yet I don't really have the proper tools for the job. I find it so ironic that they say porn is degrading to women when it's we men with small penises who really suffer. There are plenty of guys(myself included) who love small breasts, but I have never heard of a woman with a small penis fetish. I hope in my lifetime there will be a safe successful penis enlargement operation.

  • Lonesome Hero

    I have always loved sex, all aspects of sex, but my ego took a severe dive when the beautiful, tall, modelesque girl I was going out with indicated she wanted our petting sessions to take that extra step (finally!) only to find out that she found my penis very undersized at 4" erect and vitually buried when not erect.

    We made love once during which time she became irritated and stormed off to the bathroom. When she returned and started getting dressed I asked her what was wrong she said that she didn't feel we were all that compatible and it would probobly be better if we didn't see each other again. I persisted for an answer and she finalyy said that my penis was way to small and that she would have preferred her "first time" to be somewhat more memoriable.

    I later heard on the grape vine from other people she had spoken to that she had told them "my weiner was smaller than her 7 year old brothers) and that she never wanted to see me again. So you see, size does matter!

    Editor's Note: Watch out for overgeneralization - a cognitive bias that will help you to feel more inadequate. For some women, size matters more. For others, size matters less. It is not a reasonable response to extrapolate that every woman will have the same preferences and opinions as this particular woman.

  • bogman

    C'mon guys 'n girs - size DOES matter and anyone who says different DOESN'T have a small dick. I have a small dick....4.5 inches when erect.....the last 4 girlfriends have all let me know that I am inadequate and have subsequently ditched me. It matters, full stop. You may be lucky and meet a girl that has not been 'around the block' and is still fairly tight. But believe you me...size may not have mattered in the 50's....but now with every girl inserting everything up her vag and the pornographic way the world has gone...the bigger the better. FULL STOP. Don't listen to people saying it's all about foreplay blah blah blah.....they want a big cock and if you ain't got one you are going to get hurt. Why would you settle for a Porshe when there is a Ferrari around the corner?? The bigger the better. Stop telling us it doesn't matter, because you are talking utter shite!
    They can put a man on the moon but they can't make my dick bigger..that sucks!!!

  • Anonymous-1

    You know it, I know it, and the other guys who have posted here know it too. Why this doctor can't draw a logical conclusion based upon our real life experiences is beyond me. It certainly does matter....big time! Those of us below 6" have already lived the hurt of being inadequate to today's woman many times over and know full well that we're doomed to a lifetime of lonliness and pain. There should be laws against doctors spreading falsehoods like these on the internet. If you've got 6" or above and still feel like you're not good enough, then maybe it is a syndrome. But there's nothing psychological involved when a man with less than that feels inadequate because he is inadequate and the women of the world have no problem telling him so. That's not a mental problem, that's reality. I've decided to pursue penis lenghtening surgery and have a suicide plan already in place if it doesn't work.

  • Steve

    I have a very small penis less than 2 inches flacid and 4 x 3 erect I reached puberty about 17 and there was never any noticable penile growth and very little pubic hair. I appreciate all the comments regaring size not mattering etc, bit as a result of my little penis I avould communal showers as I defintely the smallest and going to the toilet in public places can be a great embarrasment as I suffer from shrinkage and have recieved very negative hurtful comments about this.

    Sorry to appear negative but I speand a lot of time avoiding situations where I have to be naked in public.

    Editor's Note: It seems to me that many of the people who write to tell us that they have a small penis that bothers them also describe experiences where they have felt humiliated when someone made a negative comment about their penis. It is perhaps the experience of humiliation that creates the problem moreso than the absolute size of the penis. I see a correlary with panic attacks, which are a troubling anxiety disorder issue. There are some people who have panic attack symptoms and yet are not particularly bothered by them. And then there are other people who have the same symptoms and yet have a big, in some cases disabling problem around those symptoms. It is not always the thing itself but how that thing is understood that causes problems. This way of thinking about the problem may be hard to appreciate, however, for those who are convinced that being humliated and rejected by ridiculing women (or men) is the only experience that can be had when you is not well endowed.

  • Anonymous-2

    We are looking for therapists in the UK who deal with men who have issues about the size of their penis as well as men who are happy to talk about how they feel about their manhood.

    If you are happy to talk to us, please contact us completely confidentially at development@northonetv.com

    Many thanks.

  • Mike Robson

    I hate having a small one.

  • MLF

    Ten year ago I fell in love with a man before we ever had any kind of sexaul relationship. He was so passinate and loving. The first night we had sex I could hear him talking to himself saying" I can do it the way I do all the rest , no I need to let her know now." He enter me and I was so worked up I felt like I would melt. He was trying so hard to please me he was not even enjoying himself. Of course we got married and we tried different postions and used what ever it took to keep our sexual activties exciting. I know it is painfull for the men with this condition but if the women loves you it does not matter. Be open minded and ask your partner what is pleasing to her and tell her what is pleasing to you. My husband died the 4th of January 2008. He told me not to set around and be lonely.

    I have met someone that I believe that I was lead to by the grace of God.I have fallen in love with him. He is very loving and passinate. We have not had a sexaual relationship. Ever time we get close to having sex he will say he is not ready for a realationship and he will back away. We did get to playing around one night at the beach and I did discover what he has. I was please with what he had in size.

    He later told me he had issues and was not ready for a realtionship and not to mention he had a small penis. He is now seeing a Psychiatrices and still not ready for a realtionship. Back when I first met him he told me every time someone tried to get close to him he would back away. Before we were both very happy and excited about being together. I do not want to let go of him. Do I wait for him? I feel he will realize one day that I really do love him and at least give it a try.

    He was married for 23 years before his wife left him. And no he did not have sex before he married her.So this has put him out in the world alone. He was in a realationship for 2 1/2 years. He asked the woman to marry him three times and she never would give him an answer. She would leave him and come back. I keep tell him she is using him. leaving to do what she wants to do and returning only because she can not afford to live out on her own. I believe he keeps hanging own to her because she is aware of what he has and he is afraid that I will not stick around.

    I keep telling him not to forget that I know what he has and I am very please with it. But I know there is alwaysa fear that he has that she will not stick with me. I want to tell him so much I was married to one for ten years and I know what I will be facing. I love this man and I would move moutains for him.

    Men, tell me what I should do, I love him, I don't want to make an issue out of it, only because I feel that it is not going to be an issue. Yes he is larger than the man I was married to but smaller than the one I was with for 20 years. Should I just come out and talk to him about it. Or wait and let him talk to me about it?

    Yes, men there are women out here that are greedy and wants everything for them self. But as with any realtionship you have to give it time and figuar out the postions and spots that are pleasing to her. If the woman makes a remark about your size. You are better off without her. She is probally a very demanding person anyways.

    I know for a fact, men with smaller penis, have a greater heart, they are very caring, loving, repectful, giving, and more of a man than any man that has a large penis. How do I know this. Before I was married to the man for ten years I was with one for almost 20 years that had a large penis. He was totaly differet. What attracted me to him was his good looks and humor. And we never married.

    So, men there are women out here that wants true love, not just something to ride.

    Georgia

  • Cody

    Oh my god. i feel so sorry for all you guys..

    honestly i dont know how some girls can be so shallow.

    i honestly dont think size matters. ive been with a guy who was small and he was able to satisfy me compleatly. im now with a man who is agerage size and its the same effect. hehe, i just think you guys need to get the right girl who is not shallow, closed minded and LOOSE!!

    good luck!!

  • Anonymous-3

    I came on to these websites looking for information to help me deal with my husbands small penis and ended up feeling sad for these men and guilty at the same time. I truly, truly love my husband and have been faithful to him (and his small penis) for 10 years. But I can honestly never forget the first time we made love. I was already wildy passionate about him and new I'd marry him one day. Then we did it and I had to fake the whole thing. I didn't even know he was in me in the beginning. He was so sweet, tried very hard and was not selfish at all. He simply wasn't big enough to register with me. I cried afterwards (knowing I wanted to marry him but in doing so would live with a lifetime of no orgasms) and convinced him I was crying because it was beautiful and special. It was, because I loved him but it was sad for me. I was no tramp or stretched out slut. I hadn't had sex in over a year. But I know what I need and I was used to a lot more from my long term ex-boyfriend. I'm trying to work on finding a way to make us both happy in bed but just ended up feeling like a bitch. But then again, how many men would stick by a woman for 10 years that never gave them an orgasm. Maybe women aren't so bad after all.

  • Anonymous-4

    I honestly believe that very few women actually care about the size of a man's penis. This, of course, I am not saying that some women don't care about the size of their man's member, but are more inclined to perceive his size within an exaggeration. Meaning guys, have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror? Ever notice distance from the mirror is directly related to the size of the penis? If you were to step up closer, your bigger step back, your smaller (not to mention your entire body!). When you look down at your penis, you look smaller sit down and look closer your bigger. That's perception. So which should a man believe? Rather, which one do you want to believe? As a lot of men tend to exaggerate their penis size, women who're size queens do so just as much. No woman is packing a ruler for measuring. Women see only in small, average, and big, but the majority of women care a whole lot more about caressing, clitoral stimulation, etc. (only a few women like getting pounded only!). Most women don't even care about the size of a man's penis, since a penis alone can't make a woman orgasm anyway. Hell, I'm pretty sure women are jealous of tighter sexual organs. Then they could take in most men around the world!

    Ever watch a lesbian porno? Ha! Just based on that should tell every guy that women don't need penises to reach orgasm (and I mean without dildos or vibrators!). Women who love and care only about big penises probably have only experienced orgasm with big shlongs and had bad experiences with smaller ones. Instead of being in the moment and loving it, they focus on how small he is. The mind has to be focused on the moment otherwise pleasure (and zero orgasms for her!) with be non-existant. Ironically enough, this is similar with the anxiety in men. Instead on focusing on how good it feels, men worry about whether their penis can fit in or make her orgasm. It's all in the mind! If she cares about her orgasms, she shouldn't care how it happens. Some women like to be filled, and I can understand that completely. i think, though, focusing more on him being "inside" her that's the very erotic part.

    Honestly, I truly believe there's a huge misconception on what men think a large penis is and what pleasure is versus a woman's opinion. I really believe women see 5in or 4in penises bigger than men do. Oh, and one more thing...I've always found it very weird how most men are around 5-6inches, but men with bigger ones still believe they're small. Can't they tell the extra inches or do they have to have a significant increase like 3inches more? Ha, I bet women have a hard time telling as well. If only rulers didn't exist.

  • JR

    Sorry - I am less than fascinated by this endless discussion ... and I would not claim exactly to be an expert, but ... have you folks never heard of Fingers ?

    Puzzled regards,

    JR

  • Bill

    It's a monopoly. It's a joke of evolution at our expense.
    If there was an exercise you know we'd be on it, but how
    can work show for itself? While we're evolving into "sex machines" while the losers die out, what can we do about it? I refuse to compensate for something I have no control over. I always felt normal. It is the world who has made it an issue.

    Also like one guy mentioned, I didn't know about this. I grew up with conservative females who didn't really care. Do they care now? I can't ASK them. Besides, then they'll know. Maybe they already knew. Maybe it's made more of a difference than I can ever know, to limitless proportions, on my life?

    Sure, it sucks to hear it directly from a woman. But the truth can set you free. Honestly. You go look for another girl who
    has no high water mark for pleasure. I haven't personally experienced that pleasure of the truth or even a courteous explanation on the birds and the bees with her heart in her hands. But I've experienced a woman who expressed her "standards" before we dated and when we got around to making love, she was cold and uninterested and refused to admit that she expressed any standards when the topic of size "inflicting pleasure" inevitably came up.

    In this case, it was worse not to hear anything about it, because "can it really be that bad to avoid? Does she really think her OPINION will hurt me that much?" Do you think I'm that stupid? I know!!! It's you who are hung up on it enough not to shatter it, and again if it matters that much, leave me alone!

    She even used the term "well-endowed" when I asked her to
    describe the man she saw after me in an attempt to investigate her preferences. Well, you say I'm crazy but
    you just called it a gift. You call me crazy yet you can't put
    the topic to rest by at least using scientific terms.

    Be truthful! Can't you express what it is you like in sex!? Tell us! We'll leave you alone! Can you even face it? I hate cowards who aren't afraid to accept repurcussions of THE TRUTH. Move on if it matters that much and face the facts. Wouldn't it help to come to terms with the true meaning of sex? Would that aid in our reconciliation?

    I know the truth when I hear it. If you're shallow, move on. Don't let a man settle for a woman who SETTLES. I have been doing research on the topic just to assure me that I'm not crazy, that I know what a satisfied woman feels like, one without standards, and old huge ex-boyfriends who, in a psychological sense, made her feel lucky with their own attitudes towards their self-image. It really is a monopoly on "confidence" so that they become synonymous, perpetuating the illusion to even more women, perhaps.

    Small or not, I miss having been oblivious to "the fact" but now with proof it has got my own self esteem in a grip of marked expectation. Like the guy before me said, this is a reality. We're not crazy. It's a race and we're losing - rather, destined losers.

    Again. Truth hurts? No. Women, whether they're silent about it or not - truth is truth - and the truth is that we should respect each other's bodies because they are us, and as a result are subject to define us. I know it puts women, who are on the other end of the penis, on the spot but either be better liars when you reject us or tell the truth. Maybe we all should wait til we're married and be monogomous.

    One other thing that bothers me. If a big guy acts confident, he's being himself yet if a little guy acts confident he should act his rightful and expected role or he has a Napoleon complex, a stance which upon considering really does fairly warrant an angry disposition on the matter.

    What's it all about? Beats me, but there are other things besides greedy women to be happy about. Thanks people.

  • Victor

    Part of the problem, I think, is the prospect - the fact that we don't know what's underneath each other's clothing. The heightened suspense, something to hide, secrets, illusions, lies, their protection & maintenance and ultimately destruction.

    While that may have not made any sense to you, clothing may also protect us from accepting certain intrinsic roles in society that may as well be linked to having a dominant sexual... presence, something that mind you, is correlative to our very purpose here on Earth - procreation. But still then again, we are all still aware of each other's "presence" clothes or not. You just "know" when someone is "well-endowed." And even women are respected more for their "value on the market", in the game.

    Is it really of any consequence? Why don't we ask ourselves that the next time we desire someone? What is desirable? It's hard to get to the bottom of because we really don't understand life yet.

    Anyway, I believe that if we were all naked, we would all face the truth right away of our "compatibility" and not have to go through the drama and waste of time. And maybe we're all just placing too much importance on sex because it's out of reach. Period. Get over it. It's sex. There are rules of compatibility. I guess the "man taller than the woman" aesthetic just doesn't cut it.

    Just a hunch.

  • Anonymous-5

    My husband is 6'6 and hence supposedly well-endowed. I wouldn't know any better since I was a virgin bride due to strong religious convictions. For the commentator who said did you ever think of fingers? Well, guess what guys, this is the only thing that works for me. The other part is enjoyable, but it doesn't finish the job.

  • shareefuddin

    Dear Sir,

    I have been small penis and one testicle since born. I want to knwo is there any medicine available to enlarge penis. If there is availalbe please let me know medicine and how may months i have to take medicine. And also please write these medicine where it is available. I have seen so may websites there are so may medicines availalbe to enlarge penis. I have always dout that why i have small penis due to one testicle or other problem please write me reply in this regard. And also please write is there any side effects if i take these type of medicine without doctor suggestion ot i should contact doctor.

    I will be waiting you reply

    thanking,

    Regards,

    Shareef

    Editor's Note: I am not a medical doctor or pharmacist and do not claim expert knowledge of medicines or other medical procedures available for penis enlargement. That understood, to the best of my knowledge there are no medicine available that will reliably enlarge the size potential of the penis. There are medications that will make it more likely that a man will experience erection, but these medications do not actually increase the size potential of the penis. There may be surgical techniques that can offer the desired effect but I am not aware of details. Please keep in mind that it is never a good idea to take a medicine without first having a prescription from a medical doctor.

  • dave

    I have had problems ever since I first had sex because my penis is narrow at only 4.3 inches in circumference. I have never been successfully treated by the medical proffession even tho I get little pleasure from sex.

    Friction is main problem,or lack of to be precise. That and the humiliation psychologically when your partner does not feel much. Then comes the worst bit when they dump you because there is no solution because the NHS wont fund operations for widening.

    I am a 44 year old male, very attractive to the opposite sex, according to friends, former girlfriends etc but my penis lets me down. I really dont know what to do about it and Have got more and more into drinking, have lost motivation and cant find a solution. for all you guys out there with a smaller than average penis I greatly sympathise. It simply is not fair!

    Having a small penis has ruined my life.....

  • Brandon

    Hi I'am 19 and have a penis that is 4.5 inches and I'am a virgin and I believe that I couldn't satisfy any woman because my penis isn't big enough to pleasure any woman If I had an 8.8 inch penis that I could satisfy any woman please let me know if I'm wrong.

    Editor's Note: Let's consider this statistically for a moment. The average penis length is somewhere around 5 inches and some change (read the Wikipedia human penis size article for detail but note that images on that page are NSFW). Let's call it 5.5 inches for our example purposes. Standard deviation figures from the studies cited in that article are all under 1 inch in length. Standard deviations describe the probability (percentage of the time) that a measurement will be randomly observed that is different from the mean or average size. Assuming an overly-generous standard deviation of 1 inch, that would mean that 68% of erect penises are not less than 4.5 inches in length and not more than 6.5 inches. It would also mean that 95%of penises are at least 3.5 inches in length and not more than 7.5 inches in length. A penis 8.5 inches in length would be a pretty rare event occuring about .5% of the time (or 1 in 200 men!). If you are correct in your thinking (and I'm trying to demonstrate how you aren't), what you are suggesting is that women can only be satisfied by every 200th man, and they must discard the 199 men who come in between or be cursed to live a life devoid of sexual satisfaction. That is an absurd conclusion and simply not true. It is indeed the case that some women prefer larger men, but even those women will tell you that men smaller than 8.5 inches errect length are quite satisfactory. And you must keep in mind that there are women who prefer smaller sized penises. At least one such woman has written a comment to this effect for this website. At 4.5 inches erect length, your penis is smaller than average, but really quite within the normal size variation clustered around the average length. This is to say, you have a normal sized penis and there is no reason beyond your own fears to expect that you will not be able to please a woman. Maybe not all women, but certainly some women.

  • darren

    im extremely small.

    these posts ring very true to me

    i lost my virgnity to a prostitute at the age of 25.to my incredible surprise i stayed hard and functioned. she didnt say a word about my size.

    this gave me the confidence to try a real relationship

    via speed dating i met a lovely girl. after 3 months we went to bed. immediately upon seeing me naked she asked me to leave and refused to say why.

    this is the only girl i have loved. im 33 now and terribly alone. hearing girls discus sex makes me physically sick. my mother has cancer and the minute she passes away i shall take my own life. i wish so dearly i had never been born. i simply cannot remeber ever having a happy day

  • Anonymous-6

    Darren,

    Please do not take your life--there are women who are NOT AS INSENSITIVE as your lady friend--my husband is not a huge man and it doesn't matter to me AND I don't let him think it's anything other than huge. The sex is great because he knows about lovemaking, foreplay and everything outside of penetration really well--remember it's not how big the boat is but how well you can rock the boat. You make sure you rock your next woman's boat (in other words, know how to move in bed, fondle your woman and make her hot, and find out what she likes most of all) believe me she won't worry about the size as long as you can please her with your love making.

  • darren

    im grateful your reply. i hadnt expected it.

    my partner wasnt insensitive. what made me love her was her inner warmth, her kindness, the way she looked at me.

    she was a decent person. when she sked me to go she looked heartbroken. crest fallen.

    i have heard girls talk about guys bigger than me. some talk in hushed tones of sympathy of their aweful curse. some talk in open derision.

    imagine what they would think of me i wonder. i appreciate your reply. u sound like a nice person. but i have gone trough the anguish. ive gone through the pain when i first heard lilly allens song. ive made a decision and guess what- ive got closure. there is an end to the pain. im gonna stop venting now i will go on for 10000 words. but thank u for your kindness.it was appreciated. D

  • Allan N Schwartz

    Daren,

    It appears to me that you have idealized this girl and do not think of her realistically. Anyone who would ask you to leave after seeing you naked is behaving more than a little strangely. Also, you are not giving your self a chance to meet other women by continuing the myth that she was you only "true love." Finally, I sense that you, as many others, have concluded that you are "extremely small." I want to urge you to read the Editors Note about this issue just a little further down on this page.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • jill

    i think small penis syndrome is an awful thing

    i think deep down loads of blokes have it. its the the opposite for bigger men

    in my experience smaller men dont like being naked and have lower sex drives

    the bigger men love showing it off and tend to be a bit randier. it also feels a little better for intercourse. the downside is that such men often tend to be jerks and commitment phobes.

    i would prefer a nice guy with an average one any day and im a picky lass!

    i think average guys with 6.4 in long and 5.2 inch around (from the big us study) should not be psychologically ruined by porn films with 9inch ones . so im glad this site is here.

    having said that actually having a small one is not the same as having the syndrome. i means theres not much point in telling a guy with 4 inches that girls will think hes average as that isnt true and it will devalue further advice you wish to give.

    my tip, raise up the legs, put a pillow under the back while the girl uses a vibrator. that improved things for me when i was with smaller guys.

    Editor's Note: To clarify my earlier comment, the concept of "average" includes values that are larger than average and also values that are smaller. Most of the time, average is thought of as being within one standard deviation of the mean plus or minus, which (if the average is 5.5 inches and the standard deviation being about 1 inch) would include men between 4.5 inches and 6.5 inches in length. And that would be about 68% of men.

  • Anonymous-7

    you know there are eunics in the world??!?!? or those people with micropenises??(2-3 inch erection, 1 or less flaccid). Come on guys, be grateful with what you have. F**k the women who are picky about size, they are just materialistic pleasure loving b***hes who are too shallow to deserve any man. who cares if you are 4, 5, 6, or 7. f**k it or fight it, it stays the same (NOTHING will enlarge your penis, everything that says it will is BULLSHIT)

    Bottom line:LOVE will get you any woman, and once she LOVEs you she will not care about the size but only care that it is you that is LOVE ing her.

  • Wisest Man Alive

    Back hunderds of years ago, before TV, Internet, Music (By music I mean pop culture music, which is really ENTERTAINMENT, not music) there was no "set standard" on penis size. Sex was merely a way to reproduce. Birth Control, Condoms, none of that crap exisited. Pre-matrial sex was unheard of, and really, was shunned upon.

    There is no way to ever pull out of this hole. We have opened a box that cannot be shut. And now, people will do anything they can to exploit this unpatchable problem, while wholesume people are cheated out of the way of life. America has fallen down the exact same path that other Civilizations have gone down. And guess what? Sex is always a contributing factor in the fall of a Civilization.

    But the scary part of it all, excluding technology, when Women are "free-thinkers" this problem creates itself. Why go with a 5 incher when you can have a 7? Why use dial up internet when you can use high speed broadband?

    Kinda makes you wonder why women had no rights when America formed, eh?

    Editor's Note: Your solution, which seems to be that women should be kept ignorant so that they don't get uppity is not a solution at all. It's just a way to spread misery around more widely. And your premise, widely shared by men who post here, that men with smaller penises are inherently inferior than men with larger penises, and that all women use only penis size as a criteria of their mate selection is just not true. There are some women who reject men on this basis, but there are also many women who do not. A number of women have posted to this effect right here. It is extremely painful to be rejected, and mortifying to be rejected on the basis of something you cannot change about yourself. This is true. But it is also true that the world is bigger than you think it is, and that the solution to such mortification is not to avoid women and become depressed and hopeless, but rather to seek out new opportunities for validation. In this context, going after women who would have one night stands with you would be less advisable, and going after women who are open to long term relationships is more advisable. The latter group is looking for something more than a penis. Of course it is always a frightening thing to do to pursue new relationships as this risks rejection. It is just a better way, long term, to handle the issue than to overgeneralize your situation as hopeless and become depressed.

  • mark

    i think the editorial is rubbish on here

    of course it matters if the guy ACTUALLY is small

    if a guy is less than 6 inches its a problem

    if hes over 7 inches hes a lucky guy andhe knows it as does any female.

    somebody between 6-7 might benefit from advice sure.but look at any recent channel 4 or 5 documentary too see if girls think 5 is acceptable..

    none of my male or female friends think 5.5 is average. not one.

    white lies always crumble in the end- but the trajedy is depressed 6+ guys who dont live their life as they are convinced people are lying to them because lying does go on. mark

  • amanda

    some of the stuff on here is insane

    above it says there is no such thing as a small penis!!!!!!!!!

    no wonder nobody trusts these so called professionals

    4.5 inchs or 5 inches is SMALL

    A GIRTH LESS THAN 5 INCHES IS THIN

    that is a fact pure and simple. i am a big girl and have been rejected all my life becuase of it. i have not found ayone saying there is no such thing as overwieght!!! i have found a husband who prefers a curvy girl. and luckily for me he is a big guy. i could love a small guy but the sex would be ruined. its ljust life. i got over being perceivedas less then perfect. so guys you have to get over it too

  • private

    the latest us survey said that 68% of women who had small penised partners said it reduced sexual pleasure. but they didnt say how small was small?

    also i am not sure about the remaining 32%. were they virgins before marriage? have they experienced a big range in sizes?

    the female sex columnist in cosmo said all women secretly think size is very important

  • Anonymous-1

    Just read Amanda's comments and boy do I feel great now. It's very reassuring to know that even the big girls who can't do any better won't accept me because of my small penis. Maybe I still have a chance with the homely ones?

  • mark

    i have looked through the many comments here

    i dont have any sympathy with the guy with 7.5inches who feels bad

    thats stupid

    i wonder how he would cope with 2.5 inches less!

    most guys would literally kill for 7.5

    and most girls would be very happy with that size too

    if someones over 6 they have no right to complain

    watch 'my penis and i' on you tube. puts things in perspective

  • Regit

    I've become more depressed and obsessed with my small penis (4") as it has been affected by E.D through diabetic and metabolic syndrome. Im constantly thinking about sex yet Im too embarrassed and fearful about having a close relationship with a woman that would lead to sexual exposures. As a result I spend way too much time on internet pornography as a substitute for normal opposite sex interactions.

    I've heard the teeny weeny comments from women that cut like a knife and shatter my heart. I feel cursed with this condition and dont see any solution. How can confidence be borne out of insecure building blocks? This lack of confidence undermines allaspects of my life and aspirations. This situation really sucks and suicide appears to be the only way to stop the pain and hurt Im always feeling and which destroys my perspective about life and love and relationships.

  • cj

    To start out with the bad news, yes it matters. I know this and fret constantly about my 4.5 x 4in penis. I would say most women want an average size, most men are of average size, so the generalization that 'it doesn't matter' is generally true. For those of us unlucky ones who are actually small it does matter to us and our partners. However the fact is that it only sometimes matters to a part of the sexual experience for a woman. Intercourse is only part of the sexual dance.

    So there is one place I don't think about my size at all, and that is in the bedroom. I have learned to be a lover, and my partners can't get enough. There are so many ways to please your partner, most of them way more effective at her achieving orgasm than a penis pounding. Touch, talk, oral, toys, massage, tantra, role play, costumes, the list of both physical and mental practices goes on and on. There are even techniques for intercourse, and postions that make it better. Shallow rthymic thrusting combined with occasional deep (relatively speaking) penetration works well. So does the CAT technique. So does the combination of your penis and a vibrator. And read about tantric sex immediately. Actually I would say that fingers and tongue are the best tools for the job of orgasm inducement, and women agree by saying oh, oh, oh my god! a lot. So do these things with passion, combined in every which way, take your time, engage and connect and you will be a fantastic lover. The point is most woman want so much more than a nice dick. Yeah, they wouldn't mind that too and i sure wish I could give it to them. I wish I could fill my lover like her last guy could, but I can't so I do everything else to the best of my ability and she says I am the best lover she ever had. Which could be just a stroke, but her body tells me good things, and she has come as many as five times in one session. My previously lover said the same thing, best ever. So did my ex wife. I am not bragging, like I said I still worry about it constantly, I was looking at this web site for god's sake. But all I can say is use your worry to drive you to read, learn, practice and learn to be a great lover with a small dick.

  • Chris

    After three years of marriage I asked my wife why we didn't have sex very often. She said that I was too small and that she was rarely satisfied. Not once ever in my life did someone complain (on the contrary.) I've measured myself and fall into the "averages" the studies suggest as normal. Apparently, my wife's other partners have always been "monsters" who she considers to be "normal." Five years later and the pain of her comments are incredible. She acts like I'm too sensitive about it.

    Thanks for your article, it helps me to realize that I'm not alone and that there really may not be anything "wrong" with me.

  • Anonymous-1

    Chris, why do you choose to stay married to this person? If I were you, that conversation would have ended with me walking out of the house and into the office of a competent divorce attorney.

  • sometimes shy

    I have had many relationships break up b/c of my size insecurity. It just caused other problems fights, suspicion of other guys, fear...I have been afraid to get close to girls because of my perceived lack of size. I have been very hurt and embarrassed by womens talk of other 'larger' men. It has singley been the ruin of most of my relationships. Oddly, I am 8.5". I now see that some people are vin'dick'tive and just want to hurt someone. I have only had one woman say I was small. I know I am not. Although I do not show alot I grow alot.


    Luckily I can now see that I would never be satisfied. I have decided to remain celibate till I find the right girl/marriage per my beliefs. I thank Jesus that this trial has yet again showed my the vanity and crookedness of our lives here and that in this I have more desire to sanctify myself and draw closer to Him..
    "Where your heart is. There your treasure will be also." -Jesus.

  • mark

    because then he would be alone

    at least hes found someone who accepts him

    he doesnt state his size but i bet hes short and thin, maybe 4-5 in?

    shes merely being honest- she still agreed to marry him

    its not her fault hes too small, or his

    its a cruel twist of fate.

    plenty of woman wont marry guys like that. so give her some credit

    if she said anything else it would kind of make her a liar so she cant win

  • hh

    Hey Darren. Don't you dare take your own life! Under any circumstances. I have a small dick as well and also feel the same way you do, but I would never commit suicide? Think about it- You kill yourself, and you go straight to Hell to burn and be tortured for all of eternity. You wanna know what the kicker is? That fool the devil would probably have an image of that female that you were fond of being beasted by other images with big dicks. Do you really want to suffer for all of eternity? Now look, I'm going through what you're going through. During my freshman year of high school, I started going out with this girl. I mean everything clicked. One day, we're making out and she grabs down there then says, "Where are you?" I knew right then and there that my relationship with her was done, but I pursued it anyway. To make matters worse, after we broke up she told her friends about "me". This was about twelve years ago, and it still bothers me TO THIS DAY. I've become a damn hermit over the years, afraid to get close to any female because I'm like, "What's the point?" I contemplated surgery and pills, but I decided that I'm not going to change my body in any way and stick with the hand that I've been dealt. Trust me, I know it's hard. With me, my biggest fear is getting married, (somehow) having kids, and then having my wife cheat on me or leave me because of my small dick. I can't see myself remotely close to that position, though. It's fucked up of me to think like that, but I do. I've prayed and talked to God about it, but it still hurts and is an issue. I'm still here, though and so are you. We just have to keep on pushin', man. PRAY. TALK TO GOD. PRAYER CHANGES THINGS, TRUST ME. We both have to find a way around this problem and I mean BOTH of us because I still struggle with this as well. And we will. Keep your head up, man. Please.

  • mark

    well you obiously have great faith and thats a good thing. but people have different beleifs and he clearly finds no comfort there. you sound like you have had a hard time and he hasnt got the stomach to go through what you have. i certainly wouldnt wish to judge him. he certainly wouldnt be the 1st or the last.

  • Albert

    I printed yoru article out, and I will consult google scholar. I think mine was caused by DES (diethylstilbestrol) effects as I do have one undescended testicle.

    I found your article to be very thoughtful, informative, and nurturing.

    Thank you very much for you effort

  • Anonymous-8

    you are the very person this site is trying to steer people away from. these people are suffering and you wish to exploit them? real nice

  • Michal

    Really this is motivatinal but need some more thing or example by which we can satisfy.

  • no name

    Hello. As many guys who wrote here, I have a problem with having a small penis (4.5 if you must know). I've noticed this problem in my teen years, as I eagerly expected to "it" to grow more. So, this cause my teen years and up to now (28 yr old) to be full of low self esteem, doubtfulness, depression, insecurities, and a very lonely life.

    I have withdrawn from friends as they invited me to parties with girls and pushed me to have a girlfriend. My mother pressures me with a grandchild, and some think I may even be gay. It's very sad for me to accept my problem, and it's even worst not to be able to talk about it because it's just too shamefull for me to do so. I have been dealing with deep depression for over the last 5 years and tried vigurously to keep busy in many other things, completing goals that I wanted. So I achieved in having a great job, a top of the line SUV, and nice bank account. I take care of my parents and my brothers economically and helped other people by doing favors. But my depression is just too great for me to keep going and have a very serious plan to end my life soon. The only thing that have stopped committing suicide before was because I loved my family very much and wanted to be with them. But no one can live with depression for so long.

    I share my story so that to think that this problem is irrevelant is just plain false.

  • Victor

    Dance is a good remedy. Ironically, it's a sign of confidence and yet not perceived as the most masculine of pastimes, but you have no choice but to be comfortable with your body and with who you are. And even many of the biggest guys, our opponents in the matter, aren't comfortable with their bodies. More than anything, it's fun and can also be like a f--k you to their judging and disapproving eyes.

    P.S. I'm having problems with my girlfriend right now over this issue, because it's an issue for her and I've caught her looking at other guys who look, well, virile. She denies it, but I'm letting her go to pursue that. To each his/her own. I don't need a woman to tell me who I am, well not her.

    - Victor, 5 X 4

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_Nu5JAxMa4

  • it is in your head

    My buddy at work has a dick that is at least 9 inches long and I've been sleeping with his wife for months. Mine is 6. Unless you have like a 2 inch dick you shouldnt even worry about it... that worry is what keeps you from having satisfying relationships with women. That worry keeps you from even asking women out or keeps you from performing when you get a chance.

    There is so much more involved is sex than just size. Lots of guys with big dicks are lonely too. Especially the ones that cant keep that thing up.

  • Anonymous-9

    i agree that hardness is important

    and height, looks, humour and cash all count. but you know there are extremes...2 inches?

    most women who ive ever heard say they like average or large. so 3 inches is not good news! i think 6 is considered the miimun as its slightly under average

  • Anonymous-10

    im at a young age and all these porn movies make me feel small and i am i dont know how big i am but im under 4"

  • Anonymous-11

    I was just having a conversation with one my male friends regarding the subject of "size" and men's insecurities.

    It's frustrating when generalizations are made that "women prefer at least 5-8 inches and that size does matter". Just as men have different sizes, women's caverns of love :-) are quite different also. It is painful for me when incompatible sized "junk" hits the back of my cavern of love. There is no specific length, girth etc. that causes this. That is ridiculous! Don't forget, all women are not cruel to the opposite sex.

    Hopefully we all find that person who fits us like a shoe....or at least have fun trying.

    Take care from KC

  • Anonymous-12

    what on earth has this got to do with someone with 4.5 inches length and 4 inches girth?

    even the smallest girl can take 9inch penises with significant girth

    you say at least 5-8? doesnt make sense

    girls 'least' is 6 1/2

    girls prefs vary from 7-10 depending on how they are built.

    girls who have had experiences with small men do not regard it as fun.

    Editor's Note: You seem overly certain about these figures. There are too many women in the world for these simple statements to be true of all of them.

  • Bry(i)an

    I'm small, 3.5 when it is hard. I don't really care. yeah, i thought about killing myself a few times. I thought that more than a few girls a shallow. But when it all comes down to it, it really doesn't matter.

    I have read quite a few articles designed for men, written by women, that have said countless times that size does not matter. Of course it would be nice to be able to slide in and out and see the look of utter pleasure on your womans face. But seriously, how many women actually find sex satisfiying if all the guy does is make out with for a few minutes, rip her clothes off and ram in it there thinking that he is doing the job? I have come to view it this way: When it comes time to put your dick in her regardless of size, she should have already be on the verge of climaxing. putting ourselves in her is our reward.

    Use your fingers or your tongue. Slide your finger in and do that "come hither motion to find her g-spot (which is only two inches deep and slightly to the left) while using your tongue to lick her clit. Talk dirty, carress her, kiss her entire body, feel her breasts, suck on them, kiss her neck, whisper in her ears, make her feel loved. Do you really think a woman wants to feel a huge cock in her vagina, or do you think she would rather human contact and an orgasm? Another bit of interesting news, there is actually a direct link between a womans breasts and the sensations that lead to an orgasm. I have done a lot of research on this.

    Having a small penius sucks, but believe me, us men that are "cursed" with them don't need to worry. A shallow girl will always be shallow regardless of a guys dick. A shallow girl wants what a shallow girl wants and no one can change that. So if you are ever doing it with a girl for the first time and you don't know yet if she is shallow, get her really hot and horny, and I mean she should ripping her own clothes off before she even touches your dick. Keep her guessing until she is too busy to even notice you are small. If you can give a girl an orgasm using your mouth, she will say thank you at the end, even if it is only a one time thing.

    We have just as much of a right to enjoy the wonders of the female body as much as "well-endowed" man. And for godsakes, don't watch porn, they are all actors paid to fake it! Watching it will only make you depressed. But if you do watch porn, watch Lesbian porn. You might learn a thing or two about how to use your tongue.

  • A girl

    I'm 26. A while before my boyfriend and I were even intimate, he made sure to tell me how he was "only average" (on bad days, it changed to "barely average" and "small"). The first time we went to bed, he made derogatory comments about himself and told me I would be let down.. before we had even got our clothes off.

    It turns out he was so insecure about his penis size that he couldn't even imagine that he could possibly please me. He was trying to convince me that I was unsatisfied without even waiting to hear my opinion. I don't think he was consciously aware of what he was doing at all. It just seemed to come out compulsively.

    He was still game, though, so we went ahead, and we had a fun time exploring each other's likes and messing around. He was considerate, creative, amazing when it came to actual intercourse, everything was wonderful. Physically it was great, and here was someone I really cared about and was attracted to on every level. Call me a girl, but it made it that much more awesome to be sharing the experience with him.

    As the relationship progressed, however, it became clear that HE was not enjoying the sex. He told me he felt overwhelming pressure that made it a chore when this affected his performance, he became frustrated with himself. Afterward when I'd tell him that I was more than satisfied with him and would just like him to relax, he hung on every word that he could take as negative and ignored the rest when there were no words he could twist, he assumed I was lying. Sometimes I could think of nothing to say to convince him and those times were the worst, because they were proof that I was disappointed with him.

    It was devastating to realize that something wonderful for me could be torture for him. At times I thought "if he's unsatisfied, maybe it's me..." and it became a huge source of stress in our relationship. I love him and I intend to work through this with him, but I know that if we broke up for any reason, nothing would convince him that it was not due to his being inadequate.

    Insecurity dogs us all, and it's normal to be deeply hurt by insensitive and selfish words or past experiences. But if you interpret everything you see and hear as further proof of your worthlessness, that's not normal. If you read this entire post and are gripped with an obsessive need to know just how big his penis IS because you need to hear that it's bigger than yours, that you are inferior that's not normal. If you avoid relationships and maintain a suicide contingency plan because of your self-image, that's gone beyond what anyone should have to bear on his own.

    Many commenters have said that they can't or won't talk to anyone about how they feel one even suggested praying to God as the only means of help. But the worst thing you can do is to dwell on something by yourself and withdraw farther from reality and any healthy perspective. Please consider that when negative thoughts keep you from living your life, you may be suffering from serious depression. Please consider speaking with a counselor or therapist, as you or even your loved ones may be unable to help you get beyond it. There is no "Only a psychological problem," and there is no "just get over it": if you are depressed, you have a legitimate need and a right to help.

  • Anonymous-1

    It's painfully obvious that the last comment from "A girl" was written by an employee of this website. The talk of obsession, perspectives, depression, getting help.......they're the exact same things you've brought up in your replies to a number of previous comments, only this time you've made a clever attempt to disguise them. I commend your ingenuity.

    Editor's Note: We have not, to my knowledge, written any of these comments other than those marked as "Editor's Notes". There isn't any conspiracy here, at least not one perpetrated by Mental Help Net, but I'm kinda doubting that my saying so will set you at ease. By the way, the Editor's Notes in this thread are being written by Dr. Dombeck.

  • Anonymous-1

    It was cruel of you to invent that previous comment. You're setting up a lot of guys to get crushed.

  • A girl

    Actually, I'm just a girl. I was looking up advice for how a girlfriend might be supportive and deal with her boyfriend's self-image problems, and try to help him work past them. And I found this article and a comment board filled with the same kind of hopelessness he's expressed. Sometimes even in the same words he's used -- and from what sounds like a whole lot of guys from all walks of life.

    I chose to share what I had gone through, hoping that it might help someone make the decision to talk to a professional if their insecurities have led them to self-destruction and depression. I know depression personally and it's taken lives in my family, so if I sound like the board editors, it's because I take this seriously, and it's something I never like to see.

    I'm sorry that some of you see my words as cruel. Nothing was invented, and it was not my intent to offer false hope or mislead anyone. But that some of you would rather believe that I'm a lackey of the website than take me at my word, is exactly the mindset I was talking about. I can't prove I don't work here.

    But at the end of the day, I'm still at a loss as to how to deal with it personally. My boyfriend suffers intensely but periodically... things will be fine for awhile, but then something always triggers him, and all of a sudden everything has been terrible all along and all his misfortune is because he has a small penis. I don't share his view, but for all the reasons I mentioned, that's not enough. He's expressed vague interest in seeing a therapist "some day," but short of that, is there anything I can do to help?

  • Bry(i)an

    Thank you.

    Unlike some others, I will choose to believe that you are sincere. It is nice to know that there are women out there that think like you do. It only proves to me that there are still some people that aren't completely nasty.

  • talia

    i had a boyfriend like that. i could not convince him that good sex was not the be all and end all. I just wanted cosy nights in and lots of hugs. i didnt care about size. he said he didnt want chidren in case they were small too so after 7 years i gave him an ultimatum. he chose to leave. I however was more than happy to accept him how he was.

    I am now married, about to have my 3rd child. my husband is distinctly larger than average (whatever that is) but is absolutely not why i married him. I can say that not having this issue does make for a more enjoyable relationship. My husband feels attractive in himself and i dont have the chore of flattery every day. Instead he flatters me!

    So i beleive the previous poster. Its whats in your mind that is most important

  • Anonymous-1

    "i had a boyfriend like that. i could not convince him that good sex was not the be all and end all. I just wanted cosy nights in and lots of hugs."

    That's the point that many of us here have been making all along. Women don't want to have sex with small men. Sex is not good with small men.

    This part of your comment highlights another way that bigger is better:

    "I can say that not having this issue does make for a more enjoyable relationship. My husband feels attractive in himself and i dont have the chore of flattery every day. Instead he flatters me!"

    Your husband's large penis gives him the confidence that we can never have. You, like most women, are attracted to that confidence.

  • Not happy, not unhappy, just here.

    Talia, thanks for your comment.

    I appreciate your honesty honesty is one of the toughest things for us guys to find, particularly from a female. Actually I thought about your ex's concern regarding children but thankfully we had two daughters.

    You said good sex is not that important.

    Q1. Are you saying that sex with your former husband was not good sex?

    Q2. You've tried both. I speak for every guy. Is sex better with the larger guy, the smaller guy, or the same?

    Q3. I'm just curious, why are you reading on this site?

    Thanks again.

  • Not happy, not unhappy, just here.

    Thank you.

    I am like your husband. I understand the highs and lows. I think I can explain.

    1. Your husband has post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and he should never see a therapist. Have you considered what would be involved for him to see a therapist? Do you really want him to walk up to a complete stranger and say, "I have a small penis and it really bothers me?" I tried it and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. When you leave the therapist's office, you still have a small penis, you still doubt if you can satisfy your wife, you have just humiliated yourself beyond belief, and you paid $250 for the experience.

    PTSD is a psychological scar caused by a severe psychological and/or physical trauma. It is characterized by episodes of psychological disruption so severe they can be debilitating. These bleak periods are caused by triggering events that relate to his trauma. His trauma is the cumulative effect of numerous repeated psychological insults to his ego, about the one thing that hurts a man the worst. He may have inflicted many of these insults to himself.

    The episodes consist of re-living the trauma all over again. So for a 35 year old man that would be at least two decades of repeated psychological traumas packed into a day or so. I have them and they are horrible. The most recent trigger I experienced was an article on CNN.com, complete with detailed photos, about the full body imaging machines that are being installed for security screening at U.S. airports. Just the thought of going through public imaging is terrifying. You can choose not to go through the imaging and get in line for a 'pat-down.' Of course if you get into the 'pat-down' line you are basically screamig to the world, "I'm getting into the small penis line." It's is a no-win situation. Oops, I am venting. Back to trying to help.

    PTSD for your husband is not like the combat related PTSD. It is just as debilitating but if you don't intervene, his PTSD will get worse with time the combat-related PTSD decreases with time as there is little or no chance they will experience another combat trauma. And those patients can actually benefit from talking to a therapist.

    2. Your husband desperately wants to be a good husband in every way, just like all the other guys. That is why there are periods where he is very, very nice. He loves you, he just doesn't like himself. Believe me, that is the 'real' him. But he can hold it together for only so long until the psychological problem overwhelms him and it probably starts with a trigger. He doubts himself, then hates himself, and he experiences overwhelming humiliation. If you two ever fight or argue he is not mad at you and he does not hate you for a day or so he hates himself and he is humiliated, not mad.

    3. What can you do to help him? He does not want pity and he does not want sympathy. Except for the PTSD, he is not sick or injured so don't treat him that way. Even though you can never completely understand, you are not a man, mostly he wants understanding. Understand that it is a problem for him, understand that he has PTSD, and understand that there will be triggering events. Never, ever tell him anything but the truth because he does not want you to protect him like an invalid or a child. Tell him he has done nothing wrong and reassure him in general.

    Don't sound patronizing but if sex is good, tell him it is good. If it could be better, tell him what you think would make it better. Talk about it all just like you might with a 'normal' guy. If he tells you his penis is small, say something like, 'It might be small but I love it just the way it is. It is great for me." Don't argue with him or get mad at him. He is only saying it to seek your reassurance. And act like you like that part of him. But remember, you cannot say anything but the truth.

    He has a few very real fears like those damn imaging machines or the hospitall where you lay around with no clothes on while nurses stare at you.

    Believe it or not, the truth is he probably does not care about penis size, at least not for himself. Why should he? After all, what else is his penis good for? He pees with it a few time per day, but other than that, he does not use it for anything except for you and your pleasure. That is what he cares about. He cares desperately if you are satisfied sexually, and satisfied with him just as he is.

    I hope this helps you both.

    Editor's Note: What you describe would not be considered PTSD, but I'm with you that it could be a disabling anxiety disorder in the same way that PTSD can be. The difference is that PTSD must be associated with a near-death experience as defined in the DSM, and the sort of humiliation condition you are describing is more social in nature less death oriented.

  • Anonymous-13

    For all you men and women out there be grateful if you or your lover is over 4. There are some of us who have genetic abnormalities that cause us to not develop during puberty and until recently most doctors wouldnt even test teenagers to see if they are small. I'm a male whose penis flaccid is under 5cm and completely erect is right at 8 cm. The real way you know you have a small penis is not when your having sex, its when you go to the bathroom and have to sit down to urinate cause if you stood up at an urinal part of the time the flow is down over your scrotum cause your penis does not extend out far enough for the urine to flow into the urinal. Then as you get older if your unlucky your testicles will begin to shrink, mine at age 20 were considered normal by a urologist now at age 47 the right is about 8 cc's and the left is around 4 cc's in volume as measured by ultrasound at mine last doctors visit. This is the size of a boy around age 13 entering puberty. My TRT has my hormone level up to the mid 600 level without it is around 130. Depending on the women sex can be good or bad it just depends on finding the right woman. The real fun starts when you find out that you are infertile and cannot have children. So in closing for all you men that are within 4 to 8 inches be glad that your not in my shoes. For all men that are under 4 i sympthize with you a sex therapist if you can find one may help you live with it. All the rest of you males be happy with what you have and make the most of it.

  • The same girl as before

    "That's the point that many of us here have been making all along. Women don't want to have sex with small men. Sex is not good with small men."

    Although I doubt it will change the way you feel, that isn't a valid point. Just because some women use penis size as a criterion for what makes a good partner, that in no way implies that no man with an average or small penis can please a woman. In fact, it doesn't even mean that a man with a large penis can or will.

    You've also based your whole point of view around penis size only, and people don't necessarily think the same way. You call men with small penises "small men," as if that is the only measure of quality. It's simply not true. Women want to have sex with men they find attractive. Their chances of enjoying it are high if they have time to become physically aroused, and have a partner with some patience and creativity and who they feel desires them. Women are complicated, remember? If penis size is all you go by, the woman's not likely to enjoy herself either way. Despite what we're led to believe, very few of us ever get off through intercourse alone. it's mostly for the man anyway -- It's great for me when he's obviously into it, and it's bad when he's distracted or irritated. My past boyfriends have varied widely in size, and it was true with each of them -- I've had great sex and thoroughly unenjoyable sex with each. To be honest, they haven't even differed that much in, erm, technical skill -- Someone who cares will generally adapt to what you like pretty quickly. So in the end the playing field was level. What set them apart were mostly unrelated personality issues.

    Men seem to have this primal fantasy that their penis is much more powerful than it is, and that it's the only tool they need to make women blissfully satisfied in every way. Everyone suffers from that one ignorant idea that seems to permeate our whole culture. You suffer if you're big because you think you've got it made just like that. You suffer if you're small because you think that dooms you. The whole picture is just so ridiculously complex that most people don't have time for it.

    "Your husband's large penis gives him the confidence that we can never have. You, like most women, are attracted to that confidence."

    I'd say you're correct that it's the confidence women like. Men with larger-than-normal penises may feel sexually confident, and it's that type of outward confidence which initially attracts women (hey, or men -- I don't mean to exclude.) Yes, every woman wants a guy who's comfortable enough with himself that he can be at ease with her. But it's too often assumed that only men with certain superficial or material "advantages" have a right to self-esteem. Everyone has their share of crippling insecurities and grating character flaws one way or another, anyway.

  • talia

    to the people that replied to my post

    a. his size did make it difficult as I couldnt feel much but it was the intimacy that i enjoyed. how can 8 hours of cuddling be sacrificed for 20 mins of intercourse?

    b. my husband does have an advantage as there is increased pressure and friction i guess but its not the AMAZING DIFFERENCE you read about imo.

    c. my sister is deeply depressed and i came on this site looking for answers. on my google search this site was number 2. then i noticed the penile anxiety thing and it reminded me of my ex. so here i am.

    if i can shine a ray of hope: for loads of women being the worlds greatest lover is not the top of the list. humour, warmth, decency go miles further than a few inches. remember i wanted to marry my ex and i would NEVER have cheated on him. So there you go.

  • Curious.

    You are an invaluable resource. You are honest, you write well and you have tried both. You are helping lots of guys.

    So if you could barely feel the small guy, did you have orgasms?

    Do you have more orgasms with the bigger guy?

    Thanks again.

  • BrY(i)an

    I cannot speak for women because I am a man, but on the "askmen.com" website, there is an article talking about the female orgasm, and according to the article, very few women ever orgasm during intercourse. For most women their orgasm comes from the stimulation of their clitoris. There are also several articles about that sort of thing in Mens Health magazine.

  • Scott

    I am 21 years old, soon to be 22 and my penis is only 3.5 inches when hard. I recently heard that when a boy is about 10- 14 years of age, that is when his penis begins to grow and continues to grow until he is around the age of 21. Obviously mine hasn't grown that much.

    I am concerned because when I was about 13 or 14 years old there was a girl the same age as me that I used experiment with. We used to make out and stuff, and one day she started to touch me and instead of just rubbing or stroking it, she squeezed the head as if she thought that it would make me feel good and she asked me if I liked it. I lied, I said yeah, and so i began to feel her aswell. Our relationship continued untill we were around 19.

    I'm afraid, that maybe somehow she may have damaged it somehow. The reason I ask is because for years my penis appeared to have a bruise on the left side of the tip when it was hard.

    I know that my concern may be a bit neieve, but it only just dawned on me that it may be the cause of my lack of growth. I have often thought about seeing a doctor, but I am afraid he will just say that there is nothing wrong with it and there is nothing he/she can do about it, and I will have to live the rest of my life like this.

    And to make things worse for me, my sister's bestfriend, a really cute young university girl apparently likes me and we have gone out a couple of times, but I'm afraid of getting too close because I don't want to get hurt or worse, become "just friends". I often push women out of my life because I'm afraid of being hurt.

  • A girl

    Several things you said have already occured to me in bits and pieces, but hearing your thoughts and experiences unabridged was extremely helpful. Thank you. You've definitely given me some things to keep in mind.

    The part about my boyfriend's (we're not married) seeing a therapist had not occurred to me. I had been thinking it might be a constructive way of dealing with his depression, which extends into the other areas of his life as well. In those cases I know that the support of loved ones helps, but sometimes it's not enough. I assumed that his self-esteem problem was based on that depression -- that it made him dwell on the thing he happened to dislike most about himself. It's never easy to differentiate cause and effect.

    Regarding whole body imaging: you know, I never would have made the logical jump from opting out of machine scanning and "getting on the small penis line." But now that you put it out there... thinking about my own experience with self-consciously overscrutinizing my actions, I can see why it would be a source of anxiety for you.

    While I'm on the subject.. Are those imaging stations being installed as standard procedure? Because I wholeheartedly agree that they're not cool. They give us a choice between the machines or a pat-down? What a joke! It's like our choices in federal elections. But I digress.

    Although you may have done this on your own, and I know that just saying this probably won't change your thinking, I dug up some info on those imaging machines. For everyone's edification (including mine):

    1) "To ensure privacy, the passenger imaging technology being tested by TSA has zero storage capability and images will not be printed stored or transmitted." 2) "the transportation security officer will be viewing the image on a stand-alone machine (vs. network) that is located in a remote area from the screening process. The image will not be visible to the public . . .The transportation security officer attending to the passenger at the machine is unable to see the image being produced." 3) Besides any contraband, these images aren't of sparkling clarity. (source: http://www.tsa.gov/approach/tech/body_imaging.shtm)

    As you say, many insults and traumas are self-inflicted. In reality, no single person can see both the image and you, and the monitors are just looking for weapons and thinking about going home. The "public imaging" is really not-so-public.

    That said, I also understand that anyone with any sort of body-image issue would still be mortified - even in the absence of any real humiliation from outside. Given the (generous) choice between the two, I'd probably pick the pat-down as well. Besides, what's not to like? It's friendlier, less overtly Orwellian -- and the quick, impersonal groping really lets you know what to expect of the whole airline experience! Sorry, I'm ranting again...

  • Anonymous-1

    "When a woman tells you that size doesn't matter, they are either lying, don't want to hurt your feelings, or simply sexually inexperienced. It's one of those three things, because size does matter."

    --Dr. Helen Fisher, PhD. Research Professor and member of the Center for Human Evolutionary Studies in the Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University

    "Generally, every man (and woman) believes the ultimate in sexiness and masculinity is to have a larger-than-average penis.

    --Dr.Trina Read, PhD., Doctor of Human Sexuality

  • Anonymous-14

    If you had bothered to quote the whole article, instead of isolating only the most negative part of it and ignoring the rest, you would see this.

    [[“Generally, every man (and woman) believes the ultimate in sexiness and masculinity is to have a larger-than-average penis,” says sexologist Dr. Trina Read. “The fact is, men with large penises often find it difficult to find a partner who is comfortable having intercourse and giving oral sex.”

    During intercourse, penis size has little to do with partner satisfaction. Most of the sensitive nerve endings are concentrated close to a woman’s vaginal opening—which means a penis of any size can be highly pleasurable.

    “What most women really want is technique,” says Dr. Read. The upside? A man who masters his technique in bed may get away with falling asleep right after sex.

    Source: http://health.msn.com/health-topics/sexual-health/mens-sexual-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100211552&page=2]]

    They're saying that yes, there is that belief, but it's a myth. People believed once that smoking was good for you.

    Filtering out anything supportive and only seeing what hurts you is destructive enough. Why do this to scare and distress others?

  • Anonymous-1

    Neither do the women who participated in the UCLA study. Their survey of 26,437 women found that 68% who rated their partner as small wished their partner had a larger penis. Fortunately for many of the men who have expressed concerns here, only a small percentage of women surveyed rated their partner as being small. But it sure doesn't bode well for the distinctly below average guy like me. It's excruciatingly painful being a male whose penis is considered less than desirable to seven out of every ten women.

    Editor's Note: Not having examined these quotes at their source, I cannot comment on whether they have been taken out of context, but I was struck by the previous commenter who did find the source of one of the comments and showed how you had distorted the intended meaning of that comment. That comnmenter assumed that you were doing this to mess with people's heads, but it could also be that you simply are so upset over this penis issue that you literally don't notice anything that disconfirms your pre-conclusion. Can you comment on this point perhaps? I'm curious as to what your own understanding of it is. (Mark)

  • Anonymous-1

    I post comments here because I don't appreciate being compared to a bulimic woman. I don't have body dysmorphic order. What I have is a penis that most women consider unfit for satisfying penetrative intercourse. I can't provide the friction and pressure commonly associated with pleasurable vaginal sex. That's not a mental problem, it's a fatal disadvantage. It's irresponsible of Dr. Schwartz to label it as a psychological syndrome in truly small-penised men such as myself.

    For the record, I didn't see the article. I copied and pasted both quotes from posts on a discussion forum where the subject of ideal penis size was being discussed mainly by women. But exactly how is Dr. Read's comment out of context? Sure, she says that most women were interested in technique, but does that change the fact that according to her all women consider a large penis to be the ultimate in sexiness and masculinity? I sure wish I knew what it felt like to be so revered. Dr. Fisher's comment clearly speaks volumes, but I suppose you'll both attempt to discredit it as well, seeing as it doesn't coincide with your opinion.

    The UCLA study can be found here: http://dfred.bol.ucla.edu/LeverFrederickPeplau-2006PMM-PenisSizeSatisfaction.pdf

    If you read the study, you'll see that steps were taken to ensure the survey's statistical validity.

  • Anonymous-15

    BUT DR READ SAID EVERY WOMAN THINKS A LARGE PENIS IS THE ULTIMATE IN SEXINESS....SEEMS SIMPLE ENOUGH

    'THEY WANT TECHNIQUE' ... SURE THEY DO.... BUT WITH AN ADEQUATE SIZED PENIS!!!

    FOR THE MINORITY OF WOMEN WHO RATED THEIR PARTNER AS SMALL (13%) THEY ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT MICROPENISES WHICH ACCOUNT FOR LESS THAN 1% (>3 INCH) WE ARE TALKING ABOUT 4-5 INCH MEN.

    85% OF WOMEN ARE HAPPY WITH SIZE AS THAT IS ROUGHLY THE PERCENTAGE OF MEN WITH AN OK SIZE OR BETTER

    15% OF WOMEN ARE NOT HAPPY BECAUSE THATS ROUGHLY THE PERCENTAGE OF MEN LESS THAN 6 INCHES

    ITS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE

  • Anonymous-15

    not all surveys agree.

    the marie clare survey said the majority of women think 6-8 inches ideal but that girth was more imortnat. they didnt say what the ideal was.

    the durex global survey said 70% of men were happy with size but only 60% of women were

    95% of women in the eisenman study said width was important

    on the mens health survey 70% of women said the ideal penis was 7+ inches

    95% said it was 6+ inches

    on about men dot com a survey of 500 women said 75% thought both length and girth were important

    hope that helps

  • Anonymous-15

    this is from a womens lifestyle blog:

    In both cases above, me not wanting to hook up with those guys had nothing to do with their “size”, which brings me to a crucial point about “size” mattering: Just because you’ve had “no complaints” doesn’t mean you’re “big” or even freaking average. Mmmmm-kay? I know, that’s awful, one more thing to give you guys a complex about but let me explain. Of course there’s the whole idea that bigger is better, whether it’s in relation to penises or breasts, but as most of us know, there is such a thing as “too big” in both departments. But on the flip side, there’s definitely “too small” as well, only most women aren’t going to tell you that it’s a little (no pun intended) on the small side for them. They’re probably not even going to tell you if you’re a bad kisser so how could you possibly expect them to tell you that your penis is too small?? They’re just going to tell all their friends and/or sisters instead. She might tell you after you two have broken up, if she thinks there’s no way in heck she ever wants to get back together, but otherwise, she’s never going to tell you that. So, “no complaints” doesn’t mean it’s the size she prefers, in fact, I’d say her silence may speak volumes.

    Editor's Note: The contrary is also perhaps something to think about. Just becuase there is a silence does not mean that it is appropriate to fill that in with a negative. There is entirely too much "mind reading" happening here, and as a result people are making themselves sick.

  • Anonymous-15

    wow, you are the immovable rock!

    if 1000 women were to stand in front of you and say that a thin 5 inch penis is too small for them you would still argue its a male syndrome!!!

    did you ever watch the late night talk show on ch5 2 years ago. i think it was called sex matters but i could be wrong.

    every week the same 5 women talked about issues including size. all 5 said girth was important.

    they said 5 inches length too small. but critically they said a thin penis, less than 5 inch around, was disasterous for sex.

    to quote one woman 'a waste of time'

    and before you dismiss them as heartless brutes they were all from different walks of life and were perfectly decent, caring, wholesome people

    simply put go onto ANY web sex forum and see what women think.

  • Anonymous-1

    Here's another passage from the same blog. You really should have included it in your comment as well, because it clearly spells out what the female author is getting at:

    If the woman says nothing about your “size”, it probably means you’re a little on the small to average side for her, but if she cares about you and everything else is good, meaning the relationship itself in addition to foreplay and your efforts/dedication to bring her to orgasm, then she might be “ok” with it. But if any part of the rest of the equation is missing, I guarantee that she won’t put up with you if your penis is merely small to average. On the other hand, if the guy is larger than average to big, he might be able to get away with some of the other elements not being quite as awesome since he has the basics present and the woman might think she can teach him the skills to go with it. His larger than average penis gives her hope that there’ll be lots of future sexual satisfaction so it’s worth putting in the time to teach him, but if he’s on the small side and/or has a bad personality, she’s not going to want to put in the time, she’d rather cut her losses.

    Editor's Note: You are relentless in that you are constantly seeking out negative information and focusing in on it as though there is no descenting opinion. We've had some women write in to this site on this issue with descenting opinions, but they have been ignored it seems. If there is a real issue with your penis size, there is equally also a real issue with your coping skills too. This method of coping you are engaging in is dysfunctional it is not helping you to adjust or to adapt, but instead it serves to make you more distressed and to feel more insignificant.

    I'm reminded of the coping strategy known as sensitization which is more or less the opposite of denial and repression. Anxious or otherwise distressed people tend to polarize in their coping strategies. they either lean towards ignoring information that causes further distress, or they go in the opposite direction and focus in on it obsessively. The purpose of the obsession is, so far as we can tell, to insure that nothing is missed that might be a hidden danger - it is seductive in that it leads you to believe that you'll sleep better because nothing will remain that you have not anticipated. That is what you think will happen, but what actually happens is that you get more anxious and the problems magnify. The best (e.g., most functional) coping strategies are those that flexibly blend the ability to sensitize and to repress as best fits a situation. You are being rigid in your application of sensitization, and would do well to learn how to distract yourself and to work on keeping things in perspective. We hope to address the aspect of how to do this in a future essay.

  • Allan N Schwartz

    I did read the UCLA study and, in fact, I have the article. What the UCLA research found is that, among those men who rated their penises as small, a vast majority of their women reported being satisfied with the size. The reseachers then ask a very pertinent question: Why are so many men dissatisfied with their penis size when their women are not? It is a good question. Also and importantly, these men reported having great dissatisfaction with many features of their bodies.

    If you read my posting carefully, I tried to make it clear that the perception of having a small penis is extremely painful. By the way, I have no way of knowing whether the perceptions of having a small penis is based on reality or not. Therefore, in no way am I trying to suggest that the perception of having a small penis is a myth. It does not matter, really, because if you believe you have a small penis then you are in great emotional pain and no one can call that a "myth" least of all me. I hope this clarifies that issue as I do not want it to seem as though I am attempting to negate the very real feelings, and experiences that people go through.

    There will be a comprehensive article on all of this to follow.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Anonymous-1

    I've seen their comments here and elsewhere. Unfortunately, the dissenters are few and far between.

    Refer back to the UCLA study, particularly item #4 under the heading "Research on Women's Attitudes About Penis Size" on pages 131-132.

    Consistent with prior research, we predicted that women would report being satisfied with their partner's penis size whether they considered it to be average or larger than average however, in contrast to the vignette study finding that men with small penises were as arousing as men with average or large penises, we predicted that women who consider their partner to be smaller than average would be dissatisfied with their partner's penis size.

    And sure enough, 68% of women who rated their partner as small were not satisfied. That doesn't leave very many to be dissenters, does it doctor?

    I'm going to have to agree with the other poster (the guy who never uses capital letters in his comments)...you truly are an immovable rock. Despite mounds of evidence to the contrary, you cling to the belief that most women don't care about size as if it were gospel.

    You can call me whatever you want to call me..relentless, anxious, depressed, obsessed...whatever. What you think of me is your business. At the end of the day, I still have to live with this curse. Although I would hesitiate to label my existance as "living" at all.

  • Anonymous-1

    You stated: "What the UCLA research found is that, among those men who rated their penises as small, a vast majority of their women reported being satisfied with the size."

    The women surveyed weren't "their' women at all. They weren't the female partners of the men who participated. The participants were 25,594 random men and 26,437 random women who answered surveys posted on msnbc.com and elle.com. They weren't couples. Your statement is wrong.

  • Anonymous-15

    dear all

    i think you are talking at cross purposes

    clearly there are 2 types of sufferer:

    a. those with penis 6.5 inches and above who think they are small.

    b. those who are 5inches and below who corrctly think themselves as small

    the former group clearly need to be educated in realistic sizes and female preferences. surveys constently say that women are happy with average size penises provided their lovers are skilled and have other good traits. many women have aversion to penises over 8 inches. once they understand this is not sugar coated rubbish they can accept themselves and move on. they wont get laughed at and they can have recreational as well as loving sex.

    the latter group however need a different approach. telling 'white lies' is unlikely to do any good as the media and net in particular will expose the lies and you are back where you started. at the end of the day due to genetic /envronmental reasons people are born with deformirties. clearly a male born with a 1cm erect penis is sexually inadequate no matter how kind you wish to be. clearly also a 7 inch penis is almost universally regarded as adequate. so the cut off point is imbetween. so where is it? is it 3 inches, is it 4? most of the data from 'real women' i have seen puts it as 6 inches as a minimum. most sexologists put it at 3 inches. big difference.... so whos telling the truth?

    ultimetlly kind medical people say 2 things:

    the average is 5, and women dont mind anyway

    neither is true. so its counter productive to mislead.

    instead, sufferers need to have realistic expectations of relationships and also need to focus on other life experiences. but what i see here on this blog is anger at being lied to or being told they are 'filtering' etc

  • Just Here

    The imaging machines will be installed at the larger airports first as the machines are very expensive. They may never make it to smaller airports.

    Now, remember about not arguing. Whether a screener watching the monitor ever sees a guy in person is beside the point. If a guy thinks somebody somewhere, is laughing at him (or might be laughing at him or making fun of him) because he has a small penis, it really hurts. All the logic in the world does not change that. The worst thing is to argue with him about whether his penis is actually below average in size.

    Remember, you want him to know that whatever it is (S, M, L) you like it, so you really don't have an opinion about his penis size. And remember, in a sexually functioning relationship like you say you have, he honestly doesn't really care about his penis size either, as long as he believes you are sexually satisfied.

    A few other things I have thought about from time to time:

    1. Women seem to satisfy other women and they have no penis at all. On one hand, it is very instructive and mind-opening if he has never thought about it before. But on the other hand, what guy wants to be compared to a woman?

    2. In nature it seems to make absolutely no difference. Animals cannot think much or measure are all, and size makes no difference to them, even in other primates.

    3. This is really simple and straightforward. When you tell your boyfriend that in fact you are sexually satisfied, he probably says (or at least thinks) that you are lying to make him feel better. He is doing that to protect himself and if you are being honest it is hell for you. You are revealing to him exactly what he wants to know and then he doesn't believe you. So, the next time, and every time he says he doesn't believe you, call his bluff. Don't get mad, but simply announce that you want to take a polygraph so he will know once and for all. He has no comeback for that. It is not a silver bullet, there isn't one, but even if he never says anything to you, your polygraph offer will make him feel much better. He will finally see that you will do anything for him and he will probably feel a little bit bad about making you volunteer for something like that.

    I don't know if penis size makes a difference for all women or not. I am not interested in sex with all women one is plenty. That's probably true for your boyfriend also.

    And just in case anybody was wondering, no matter what guys SAY, there is no such thing as a below average BREAST. I know, I know, all about what guys say. That all started when we were 12 or 13. However, I have never heard even one guy utter a single complaint about even one breast to which he has 'access' and women are spending fortunes to get artifically larger breasts, for themselves I guess.

    Editor's Note: I can't argue with the second paragraph above. Though folks participating in this dicussion are clearly in pain, they are also quite macho about the whole thing, and heaven forbid you question their conclusions. For us editors, it is a quandry figuring out how to be helpful - whatever we say, we are accused of being out of touch, or activly deceitful. Clearly, trying to argue the rational foundations of this obsession gets us nowhere. From now on, rather than talking about numbers, can we talk about feelings please? Becuase this stuff hurts - people feel vulnerable and depressed and angry - and going in the direction of bringing that material out may be a more productive discussion.

  • Anonymous-1

    So we're just supposed to forget about sex for the rest of our lives and find enjoyment elsewhere? How do you propose we go about that? Do you truly believe it is possible for a human being to supress sexual desire? We're genetically wired to want sex. It can't be turned off at will.

    You're right about 6" being the most common minimum among women. I have seen countless examples from women stating exactly that. Rarely have a seen a comment from a woman stating anything less than 6" as the minimum. In fact, I have seen more comments where a number larger than 6" was given as the minimum than I have seen comments where the minimum was smaller than 6".

  • Anonymous-15

    good point. funnily enough this issue of percieved minimums comes up a lot more on sex discussion programs.

    uk women say 6 inch because they probably read that somewhere in the sex ed books

    but us women frequently say 7 inch as a minimum.

    there is a series of TV programs you can download and size is the only topic covered twice out of 18 episodes. some of the sizes spoken about are sickening.

    the 'my penis and i' program showed a women descriing a 5 inch penis as 'really small' and had advised her partner to have penis surgery. the us women in the documntary described size as one of the biggest cultural issues today. i think us women are vainer in general.

    i think the perception is that 6 inch is a bit small but functional

    as for sexual desire there is always self releif. much easier with porn these days.

  • Thomas

    I've been monitoring this site for a week now reading the different comments. What I have read has made me sick. We are all HUMAN, we all have NEEDS, we all have DESIRES, we all make MISTAKES, and we all seem to be FORGETTING something, love. LOVE is one our NEEDS, as HUMANS we DESIRE it and most of all we NEED it. Love conquers all. If a woman truly loves a man, she wont leave him, and he won't leave her. They work together to find common ground. It is love that holds a relationship together, sex is a way of expressing that love, but as humans we have made it a war, and mens manhood has become a casualty in that war. Woman think they need a big penis to please them because this war has been raging for centuries now and the media says that bigger is better.

    This may sound old fasioned, but there is something that can be said for waiting until you are married before having sex. Because as you get to know each other, you know that you love one another, and once you are married you discover yourselves together. "Old fasioned", maybe, but it in principal it is romantic.

    My point is this, we are all human, and if a woman cant except us for who and what we are, then she should be one that is ashamed because it isn't human to hurt someone just becuase they may have been born with a small penis. We all deserve love, because that is what has been hotwired into our genetic code.

    Penetration may be very pleasurable for the guy regardless of his size, but if he is doing it with a woman that has had multiple partners that are much bigger, then ofcourse if won't feel the same. But that brings me back to one of my other points, waiting for marriage and having one life long partner that you LOVE. Unfortunately we as humans are too far gone on this subject. We are apparently to civilized to think that love is enough to hold two people together forever. It is sad that humans have taken something so beautiful and used it as weapon in a war that will never be won.

    I refuse to believe that LOVE isn't enough, and although I am small, I am going to keep looking for that woman that will love me and take me for who I am. I don't care if she has had a bunch of men before me, I will just treat her like a queen and love and cherish her and if she ever did leave me, I can hold my head high and know that I did the right thing. Loving someone is never a mistake, even if it ends in heartache.

    When it comes to being "mechanically" correct for a woman, I think of it this way: If she is wearing the average 4" heel and you can look her straight in the eyes, then she is the right size for you. Its not the perfect way of deciding who to try and fall for, but I have met a lot of really nice girls that way, and now they are very close friends, and even though it never goes anywhere with any of them, I know that they love me as a friend, and we need love, one way or another. It makes us happy and it makes life worth while.

    Worrying whether or not we are satisfying her is not a bad thing, its good, it means we care about her, and if she can't see that we love her, than waste your love on her. Actually its not wasting your love that was a bad choice of word. If feeling your love isn't enough for her, then its not your fault. We might not have been born with a big penis, but we all have the ability to love, and that is our tool when making LOVE.

    Love.

    "Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not Jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, hopes all thing, endures all things." - 1st Corinthians 13:4-7

  • Anonymous-15

    dear thomas

    your pain shines through your writing. i wish you the very best as you seem like a very kind soul. i am sure you will find that person and she will be lucky to have you.

  • Allan N Schwartz

    Someone correctly pointed out that I "was wrong" when I wrote that the UCLA study found that women were satisfied with the penis size of their partner when the partner thought of their penis as being small. I got the feeling that the commentator was pleased to find me "mistaken." In other words, it seems to me that there is more than a little animosity over this issue of penis size.

    Although it seems a hopeless task, I want to clarify what the study did find:

    67% of the women in the study estimated the size of their partner's penis as average. 27% estimated their partner to be large. Only 6% estimated their partner to be small. 84% of the women reported being satisfied with the penis size of their partner. However, among men in the study, only 55% of the men in the study reported satisfaction with their penis size. This is a large discrepancy between the way these women viewed men versus the way men viewed themselves, even though the men in the study were not the partners of the women.

    It is also true that 68% of the women who reported that the size of their partner was small, that 68% is of only 6% of the women in the study. In other words, the number "68%" seems large until you remember that it represents only 6% of those women. That also means that, among the 6% of these women reporting their partner as small, 4% seem to be satisfied.

    One last thing: the study found a positive correlation between the male's perception of his penis size and his perception of his body, in general. What the study cannot say is what causes what? Does a small penis make men unhappy with everything about their body or does unhappiness about their body cause them to think their penis is small? More studies will be necessary.

    Why all the anger over this issue?

  • Anonymous-1

    I didn't think the mistake was an accident. I thought that you were being deceptive in an effort to convince us that women were okay with small penises when the survey results clearly indicated otherwise.

    Indeed, only 6% of women rated their partner as small. That's great news for lots of men who have been needlessly worrying. In their case, I agree with you, it's a syndrome. But what about the rest of us? Men whose partners are among that 6%. Men who have good reason to worry.

    You're right. I am angry. I'm also very bitter. You see, at barely over 5", I am, without question, one of those men. The way some women talk about this issue it appears that they believe that just prior to being born, we were asked to choose what size penis we wanted. I didn't ask for this. I don't want this. I want women to enjoy penetrative sex with me. I want to be able to provide adequate stimulation. I want them to be satisfied with my size. Unfortunately, there just aren't very many women out there who would be.

  • Thomas

    Okay. So the studies may say that the average size is 5-6". Everyone hears that average from a young age, including women. Since when has anyone ever said, oh my god this hot dog is so average, and been happy with with it? Its just average. Average will always be average. Average is not bad, and its not good, its in the middle. Everyone likes things that are better than average, it is normal.

    Hell, I wish i was average so i could say that I'm average, but I'm not and I have to live with it. Its not my fault, it doesn't make me less of a man. But do I want to walk around in public? No. Am I ashamed of it? yes, but I try not to be. One day if i ever fall in love and she says to me, 'I don't care if you are small,' I will choose to believe her and live with it. Thats all we can do.

    To the person that is complaining about be being just over 5", stop worrying. Chances are any woman you are with is going to expect you to have one between 5 and 6" because that is what she is told to expect from any guy she is with. Just remember, if you doing it with her for the first time, she didn't know what size you were before you went to bed. that is not what attracted her to you. You attracted her. Believe me, I have read it in countless articles and a girl even told me once, 'passion, love, affection, and your tounge and fingers can go a long way.' So whether you giver her an orgasm with you tounge or your fingers or your penis (below, above or at average) she will be happy, all you have to do is work hard to please her. Besides you have to remeber, most women don't get off during penetrative sex anyway, its the foreplay that gets them close, and its during foreplay that you have your chance to really show them how much you care for them.

    Sex is an expression of love and feeling. Think of it this way: Take a beautiful painting that is only 3 feet by 4 feet and then compare it to the sistine chapel. They are both beautiful, but just because the smaller painting is smaller doesn't make it any less beautiful. But can you fit the sistine chapel in your home? no. but you can fit the smaller one in your home and you will always have it, and the artist that painted it put just as much love and care into each and every stroke as did the famous guy that did the Sistine Chapel. LOVE your woman and she will LOVE you regardless. But don't kid yourself, she will still look and think of other men, but you will still look and think of other women, but that doesn't mean you or her will act on those thoughts because you LOVE each other, and you won't let anything happen.

    This is the second time I've written about love and maybe you might be tired of hearing that word, but I'm tired of reading about stats and surveys because when it comes right down to it, Love will always win over stats.

  • Anonymous-15

    actually the 25000 women completely support the kinsey findings.

    67% of the women in the study estimated the size of their partner's penis as average. 27% estimated their partner to be large. Only 6% estimated their partner to be small. 84% of the women reported being satisfied with the penis size of their partner. However, among men in the study, only 55% of the men in the study reported satisfaction with their penis size. This is a large discrepancy between the way these women viewed men versus the way men viewed themselves, even though the men in the study were not the partners of the women.

    kinsey also estimates about 5% of men to be less than 5 inches so this seems accurate.

    that 70% of women to find this size too small makes perfect sense. however the remaing 30% who said they didnt mind their partners small penis is mystefying. Other women loudly proclaim that genuinly small penises ruin sex so are these women in denial?, are they inexperienced?, are they undersestimating their partners size?, are they just not particularly sexual?, are they being kind knowing the data will be published? whatever the answer it does prove that some women, however tiny that percentage might be, can love a man with a small penis.

  • Thomas

    This is exactly why I don't like stats and numbers.

    If you take a woman and she has to choose between two men. Both with good jobs, both are handsome, one has a penis less then 5", while the other is well over 5", and the bigger one is a complete jerk, who only wants this woman as his wife or girlfriend because she is hot. The smaller one is loving, caring, and kind and has great respect for all women. What your "stats" are saying is that there is only a small chance that she will pick the nice guy. I'm sorry, but women are not that dumb or cruel. Most mature women know that there is more to life than sex. They would be willling to sacrafice sex for a man that will love her. Besides, just because a guy is small doesn't mean that he isn't good in bed.

  • Anonymous-16

    i still think people are misunderstanding each other by using extreme unrealistic examples

    of course in the example you describe the guy with the small penis wins but under what circumstances would a girl only be able to pick 2 men out of the entire world? its a pointless comparison. in reality women would pick neither. why would they? most men are decent and caring with a normal penis.

    the fact is most woman hold out for an average guy with average capabilities in bed.

    the trouble with the small penis is what is known in cosmo as a 'deal breaker'. a guy can be wonderful but if a girl discovers that hes small its normally the end of the relationship

    a similar 'deak breaker' is stature. men under 5 foot 4 normally have extremely restricted love lives. its probably a bigger deal than penis size for women. the similarity is that there is nothing you can do about it. the difference is that size is only discovered after the clothes come off.

    oh another confusion... a man can be skilled in bed if he has a small penis but the overall experience for the woman is still poor. thats why they place such importance on it.

  • Anonymous-1

    Editor's Note: More quotes:

    "I dated John while I was in college about 10 years ago. He was gorgeous, intelligent, creative, ambitious.... everything you could ask for. The only problem was the size of his penis. Everything leading up to sex was mind blowing,but I was always left wanting more. The boyfriend I had right before I started dating John was blessed in that area, and not having had too much experience at the time, I didn't have much else to compare John's penis to. A few years later I end our relationship. I gave some fake excuse because I didn't want to hurt his ego.

    Fast forward 10 years. I run into John by chance. He's more gorgeous, more intelligent, more creative and now his ambition has brought him great success. We go out to dinner, have an amazing time and then the let down. One thing hasn't improved.

    My question is, should I continue our realtionship or force it to fizzle? I happen to be a highly sexual person, and even though John posesses EVERY characteristic on my "Perfect Man" list, except one, I wonder if that one trait is too much to overlook"

    http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-is-my-perfect-manexcept-his-penis-is.html

    Apparently this guy is perfect in every other way.......yet it doesn't look like she's sticking around.

    All the skill in the world won't make up for a penis she can't feel. Deal breaker indeed.

  • Thomas

    So what you are saying is, that no matter how much I love a woman and she loves me that once the closthes come off that she will say noway and throw away all the love.

    What you are basically saying is that we aren't worth being loved. That we aren't worth being fathers, or brothers, or friends just because we were born this way. Thats what you are saying.

    We have small penis' but we are normal in every other way, and yet we can't have a normal life. That doesn't make any sense, and yet that is essentially what you are saying.

    Why don't you try reading what sex docters have to say. Try going to their websites, read their magazine articles, their books. NONE of them say that a man with a small penis can't satisfy a woman. Some of the female sex professionals even say that some of their best lovers have small penis'. Just because a guy has big penis doesn't mean a girl is going to have a good experience in bed.

    The only reason women today think that bigger is better is because they are told that bigger is better.

    So if we listen to all these people that say that small can't satisfy then what what the heck is point of us being around? Am I supposed to go out and commit suicide just because I'm a social outcast? Am i wasting space? NO! we have just as much of a right to love and be loved as anyone.

    You can't be condemed for being born with something out of your control. I don't make life miserable for people born with birth defects or mentally challenged, or that have a chronicle illness. We are all human, we all deserve to be loved. Love is part of being human, and sex is just a way of procreation, its something beautiful, but as humans we have turned it into a way measuring how manly someone is, and so now it is a weapon.

    And just to point out, an orgasm is an orgasm, and most women don't get one through pentrative sex anyway, i think everyone seems to forget that.

    One question. If a firefighter runs into a burning building and saves your whole family would be greatful. Of course you would. Now lets say he has a small penis, does that make him anyless of a courageous and brave man? Its not the penis that makes a man who he is.

    So stop concentrating on the negative. I wish the whole subject of small penis, big penis would just go away, because it isn't fair. All I want is to find a wife that will love me, but now I'm being told that its impossible because no woman can possibly love me. Then tell me what the point of being alive is?

    Editor's Note: I'm going to side step the issue of who has a "real" problem and who doesn't. People participating in this thread believe that they do have a problem and so we will just deal with that. What I can say, Thomas, is that the way you are talking and urging other people here to think is likely to be useful to you, whereas some of the thought processes people have written about here, the more rigid thinkers here (pun intended), are almost certainly not helping themselves by thinking the way they do. It's a question of what you all wish to accomplish. You can't change your penis (much), so it becomes a question of whether you are interested in changing your mind (the way you are thinking about your penis, and responding to people who are shaming you).

  • Anonymous-1

    Editor's Note: I've condensed a rather long quote into three representative paragraphs appearing below. Note that the final paragraph is the author of this comment speaking in his own voice:

    "But when I met Tony, that’s when I knew what I was lacking in my first relationship. Of course, I didn’t leave my first simply because he had a small penis, but it was part of the grand list of “things I can’t stand about you.”"

    "When I asked my friends about their penis preferences, they didn’t have much to say… at first. But after I described my experiences to them so openly, many of them began to come out of their shell and revealed their secret desires to go back to the big stuff. So, more often than not, size matters to most women."

    "There are certain things that are deal breakers in relationships if he cheats, steals from me, lies, or has a small penis, it’s not going to last. There’s nothing wrong with a small penis, per se, but sex is a very important part of my relationships and I don’t want to live unhappily. Life is way too short for that."

    Read the whole thing here: http://ladythrills.blogspot.com/2007/10/penis-size-matters.html

    Bottom line: If it's less than 6", you can kiss love goodbye. I know it because I've lived it for over 30 years. Failed relationship after failed relationship. It hurts so much not being good enough due to something you have no control over. I can't take the lonelinees and longing for affection much longer. I want out.

    Editor's Further Note: Is the stragegy of going out on the web and looking for stuff like this really a good idea? You already feel inadequate. Seeking stuff like this out is like pouring salt on the wound. This is not rational behavior you are engaging in, although I do get it - you are sensitizing and need to know everything so that nothing can catch you by surprise. It's important to keep in mind (although it doesn't appear that you will) that, though this quoted text may reflect the personal preferences of the author "Ashley" and even her girlfriends, it certainly does not reflect the personal preferences of all women.

    The way I figure it, you've come to a mental health website because at least part of you is interested in figuring out a different, healthier way of approaching this situation that continually causes you pain. So I'm giving you some advice to that effect: Stop reading Cosmo and Ladythrills and the like. That sort of stuff is sensationalized, and is bound to cause you pain.

  • Thomas

    Cosmo is just another one of those female mags that tells women and teenagers what to believe so that they can trap them and use them to make money. I bet it was a woman that wrote that bit about Cosmo. Have you ever had sex with a guy that was small? If you did, how do you he was actually small? Maybe he was average size and he just wasn't that good at it.

    You can't listen to mags like Cosmo, they just want your money. They don't care if you ever meet mr.right.

    If someone loves you, open your eyes and see his heart, not his penis. If you want him to please you then it will be easier for any guy to please you. Sex is a lot more fun when you love each other, it feels more meaningful.

    The reason I get so angry with this subject is because people listen to other people too much, they don't influence their own lives. I have lived my whole life trying to keep an open mind and be open to new ideas. I try not to be ignorant and neieve, but there are so many young women out there all they do is listen to their big sisters go on and on about some guy that hurt them and then think that all men are the same, and then they read these stupid magazines saying that men HAVE to be big or they aren't worth your love. I'm sick of it.

    Like i said in another comment, I have read stuff from sex experts and the like, and yes they do say what I want to hear. But at least the way they word it makes it helpful for every guy, big dick or small. They aren't telling me what to believe or how to behave. They just gave suggestions on different ways of pleasing a women.

    All I'm sayings it that you should let love guide your decisions, not magazines. Nobody has the right to tell you to hurt someone because they were born with something. NO one has that right.

  • Thomas

    "The entire penis enlargement industry is primarily driven by innovative (and effective) marketing strategies, not by the merit of any of the products. It is physiologically impossible to take any kind of pill, use any type of cream, or stretch the penis in any way that will make it bigger. It is also important for men to remember one very basic sexual fact: We are far more than just a penis. Being a better lover has little to do with the size of one’s penis. Learning about your partner’s likes and dislikes, positions and angles that provide the greatest sensation, and whole-body lovemaking are just some of the things one can focus on instead of wasting money on products with such empty claims. Instead of spending your money on things that don’t work, try using that money to take your partner out for a nice romantic evening and see just how good your lovemaking can be. Remember, the sexual organ of greatest significance lies between our ears, not between our legs."

    http://www.sexualhealth.com/article/read/men-sexual-health/penis-testicular-health/385/

    "The length of the penis, which determines the depth of vaginal penetration, is relatively unimportant, because it is the first one-third of the vagina that has the most nerve endings and is most responsive to physical stimulation. Penis size may, however, have positive or negative psychological significance to a woman. Some women prefer a large penis others are put off by what they think is "too large" or "too small". Third, men may feel that a larger penis gives them an element of status and makes them more sexually attractive."

    http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/sexpedia/penis_02.html

    Read the comments on this link: http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_200/209_love_tip.html/post/910192/3

  • Anonymous-1

    I submitted excerpts and links too. Where are they? Are only those that support your claims (like the ones Thomas submitted) going to be published here now? What's the matter, doc? First time being wrong? Not taking it well? Your syndrome theory is bull. Women have spoken. Small-penised men have every reason to be concerned. You just can't stand the relative ease with which a couple of us found more than enough evidence to prove you wrong.

    Editor's Note: We should talk about how comments work around here. So as to avoid spam, all comments are manually reviewed by an editor. For this thread, that editor is usually Dr. Dombeck (me). Dr. Schwartz wrote the original penis essays, but I've been the guy making the Editor's Notes in this thread.

    Comments do not get autoposted, but rather sit in a queue until I have time to look at them, edit them and post them. There can be time lags via this method, but at our present traffic scale, it works, and produces a superior (spam free) set of comments. We are rather choosy about who we will link to, and sometimes will turn a submitted live link into text (so that it could be cut and pasted by a reader but will not otherwise help the destination site's SEO). Sometimes we edit comments to make them smaller. Sometimes we outright censor comments when that seems to be the appropriate thing to do.

    I think what has happened here is that I didn't get to posting some of your quotes fast enough for your taste, and you've written the rather entitled note above as a protest. You're writing to a mental health website (keep that in mind!) and I've been trying to challenge what I think are inappropriate conclusions you've come to, and incomplete or biased data you are using to support your conclusions and you don't like that. You seem me as some kind of stuck up false professor who needs to have the air taken out of his stuffed shirt. Since that is not what I'm about, I can only think you are projecting that image on me making me into something you fear transference style.

    Please keep in mind - this is not my problem - this is your problem. I'd honestly like to be helpful here if that is possible, however. You're clearly in a lot of pain, and I have to think that a good deal of it is unnecessary. If this forum is not proving helpful to you, you are free to go elsewhere. Actually, though I hope you will stick around, it probably would be a good idea for you to talk about how hopeless you feel about all this with an actual therapist.

    Regarding our own interchange, it's become clear to me that challenging you on evidence is a dead end, so I will be trying to go in a different direction. My question to you is, what are you trying to accomplish here? If it is impossible to grow an acceptable penis (whatever that may be), then are you satisfied to be practically suicidal, or are you interested in maybe exploring different ways of looking at your situation which might work better for you?

  • Anonymous-16

    again, i have to say people are misintrepting female opinions and surveys.

    1st off, ANY site advertising enlargement should be banned.

    it is not possible to increase erect length via surgery and although it is possible to thicken the erect penis the complications are frequent and horrific. the ops should be illegal.

    there will likely never be a succesful enlargement oepration due to the highly complex nature of the phallus however i entirely welcome research in this area.

    this is a good example of false hope and how it destroys lives. some US patients have attempted suicide due to bad operations and countless others have been devasted to learn the op does very little after being initially elated upon seeing the clever adverts.

    as for the 'those women have no right to make us feel worthless!'. of course thats true. we are all human beings with rights and feelings. but im afraid you cannot legislate for sexuality. you feel what you feel.

    many people find obese people utterly unattractive regardless of their other qualities. they are happy to work with them, be a good friend to them and support them but not have sex with them.

    equally, many women find small penises either repulsive or comical and large penises highly attractive. often they feel guilty for these feelings but they are deeply felt biological urges. some women can subjigate these feelings and some cant.

    you can say 'dont read cosmo' and 'dont read the blogs' but unless you become a hermit you cannot close yourself off. today for example i saw 2 penis references in 2 newspapers, a reference in a soap opera, and even a tv commercial alluding to it.

    yesterday evening a sex and the city star was speaking about size on an early evening cht show with a spice girl.

    most women today are modern women. you say they are brainwashed? im sure they would be offended by that but either way nobody is being deliberately cruel. some people have been unlucky in life but deserve respect and care. this doesnt mean they have a right to a great sex life-thats down to luck. you cannt say to somebody 'you must sleep with him cos its not fair otherwise'. instead ppl with this condition can form meaningful non sexual relationships and focus on the positives in life.

  • Anonymous-1

    So now you're resorting to name-calling. Very professional of you. If you'd like an opportunity to attempt to take the air out of my stuffed shirt, I'd be more than happy to oblige. Let me know the where and when. We both know why you chose not to publish those particular comments and it had nothing to do with time. Continue on with the deception. I'm sure the men you set up for failure will be sure to return and thank you.

  • Curious

    The first line of your post doesn't seem to go with the rest of the post.

    What do you mean by the first line?

    And, are you female?

    I knew a small penis might look comical to some females but I have never heard they could be repulsive. Do you speculate that the repulsion is why some of the guys commenting here have been rejected when their girl sees them for the first time? In these situations, why does the girl get mad anyway?

  • Thomas

    I'm sorry for my comments. But I'm just trying to get point across that sex and satisfaction is more than a large penis going in and out of vagina. But most people seem that it is. If you as any professional sex doctor, he will tell you that there is no proof to support that theory that size matters. Our greatest sex organ is the brain, not the penis or the vagina. There are plenty of ways to please a woman. But I blame the media because they tell women that a man has to have a big penis. That is what I find disgusting. The governments have laws against discrimnation against all sorts of things. I'm not saying that this should be considered on that level. But because we born with this problem it has become a mental health issue, and I believe that it should be viewed as such by the general public.

    Whether you agree or not. Everytime some makes a joke or a magazine says that size matters, they are essentially telling people, women in particular, that they should stay away from us because we are a waste of time. Well I'm sorry if my opinons push the wrong buttons, but I don't like being condemned for something that isn't my fault. I won't kill myself over this, I won't hurt anyone because of it. I just think that it is wrong. My friends will all tell you that I'm a nice guy. I'm caring, I have an abundance of love, I'm kind, polite, curtious. There are a lot of guys like me out there.

    Like i have said, the brain is our greatest sex organ. But if peole are constantly bombarted with the idea that size matters and you should only have sex with above average men, the brain will think that it can't be satisfied when it very well can.

    Show me SCIENTIFIC proof. Not surveys, not poles or quotes from professers. I want scientific proof that size matters.

  • Anonymous-1

    It's been a theory of mine for some time now that magazines, books, television, movies, and popular music have played a major role in this. I think that women have been conditioned to believe that an above average penis is required for great sex. Once that idea is planted in their mind and is then continually reinforced, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They've also been taught that having a boyfriend/husband with a large penis improves their status within their social circle and that makes things that much worse.

    But there is also physical component to this. Most women express a desire to feel "filled" and we just can't give them that.

    The psychological conditioning combined with the physical need to be filled is more than we can ever hope to overcome, unless medical science comes up with a sound enlargement procedure.

  • Anonymous-1

    If I stopped reading the things these women wrote, would they cease to exist? If the UCLA study hadn't been done, would the 68% who weren't satisfied suddenly be pleased to be with a small-penised man? The fact remains that whether we choose to ignore it or not, the majority of women want a man of at least average proportions and they just won't settle for less. It's easy for them to write me off and move on to the next guy because they know he will be larger since us small guys are rare. What am I supposed to do? I want to have relationships like just about everyone else but finding a woman who will accept this pathetic thing is pretty much impossible.

    Just so you know, I went to therapy for just shy of a year and a half. Every week at first, then every two weeks.....must have been about 40-45 sessions in all. My penis didn't get any bigger and women didn't change their minds about small penises.....so all the therapy did was put more money in the therapist's pocket.

    Editor's Note: I appreciate you sharing these feelings and longings. Feeling pathetic, undesirable and disposable is really painful.

    While there may not be a good way to alter your body, it is possible to work on these sorts of feelings. Unfortunately, not all approaches to doing this are created equal. I'm sorry to hear that you didn't feel a lasting benefit from your previous therapy, but it is possible that what you were offered therein is not what you needed.

    Certain kinds of therapy are useful for accomplishing different goals. Commonly available therapies are often designed to open people up emotionally and get them thinking more thoughtfully about their problems. This is not always the best sort of therapy for everyone.

    Cognitive Therapy, such as taught by Judith Beck, Ph.D. emphasizes rationality and healthy habits of thought over emotional exploration. It is most useful for learning methods of identifying the thoughts that cause the feelings to occur, and then looking for irrational beliefs and similar biases that cause you to come to overly painful conclusions (noting please the the key word in that last phrase is "overly" it may be indeed the case that you have a small penis and there may be indeed some actual emotional pain that needs to accompany this in your case. The goal in this therapy would be, however, to reduce that pain to the minimum so that it interferes less in your life).

    Since being challenged to think differently about your issue doesn't necessariliy sit well with you, perhaps a better way for you to think about helping yourself would be to take up what is known today as mindfulness meditation. Mindfullness meditation, such as is taught by teachers like Shinzen Young is a set of exercises (it's not properly therapy - more like a practice or discipline along the lines of martial arts, but without the martial part) that help you cultivate a way of being conscious that can disembed and detach itself from the swirlling mess of feelings and shame which is your day to day. Regular and disciplined practice of such meditation helps bring peace and clarity to a troubled mind. This is not just "far eastern" stuff anymore these practices have been incorporated into several modern therapies that address intractable and severe problems of mood regulation, including Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (for self-injury, suicidality and borderline personality disorder), and Acceptance and Committment Therapy. Mindfulness meditation classes are available in many cities (here's one lookup of many available), and even online. What do you (or anyone else reading this) think?

  • Thomas

    I think you will all agree that the time has come for sexual education to start teaching people the truth about how sex is more than just a penis and vagina.

    http://theeternalwanderer.wordpress.com/2006/04/20/small-penis-leads-to-boys-suicide/

    I found several sites making jokes about this boy, and it made me sick to my stomach.

    http://www.topix.com/forum/news/weird/T4JAQ782RTQ5OM0UN/p3

  • Anonymous-17

    ok well i think we are understanding the issues a little better perhaps. i am glad to learn you arent going to harm yourself and anyone else over the issue.

    you still seem angry at the media and want definative proof over the issue of size.

    alas these are feelings that are unresolvable

    the media isnt forcing an opinion on anyone really, its merely reflecting human opinion. a well known political commentator made some size related comments in the mid 80s and she was heavily critizrd for it in the uk. however it opened the floodgates and many pop stars, journolists and feminists followed her example very quickly.

    any women or mens magazine today will mention size and if its a survey the results invariably suggest one conclusion. and i would say 100% of all such surveys include the size issue.

    i dont get the idea they are pushing an agenda- such surveys also talk about best sex positions, frequency of masturbation, fantasy figures etc. they are simply asking question that may interest their readership.

    as for the science...well sexologists on the whole used to simply say it didnt matter. now due to the overwhelming public contradiction of that they are changing tactics. some openly admit it matters but try and divert attention away from the issue by talking about technique or using phrases such as 'some women'. you must remember sex therapists have a job description and telling people the brutal truth isnt their role. they are not out to trick anybody, their intentions are entirlely noble but in some cases do more harm thatn good in my personal opinion.

    6 years ago on a uk 6 part documentary conducted by dr masters, they discovered the clitoris is a 5 inch organ lining the vagina not a 1/2 inch one on the outside. this might explain why length is more satifying. the 10 women on the program all maintained size was an important issue. the ideal size wasnt mentioned in the program but from their self drawn pictures i would estimate 8-9 inches was the approx ideal with much larger than average girth.

    it went on to theorise that due to the comparitive lack of nerves in the back of the vagina only a thick penis cold provide nough pressure for pleasure in that region.

    finally the opening has a very dense nerve structure and all the women said that girth was also important here for more friction and fullness.

    finally length was also considered a functional attribite as it allowed you to vary thrust, not slip out, use a variety of postions etc

    only 1 of the 10 women admitted wishing for very large penis and only 3 of the 10 admitted finding a partner too small for enjoyment.

    ultimately it doesnt matter about the reasons behind why its important, the only thing that matters is IF its important. so womens opinion is paramount.

    again, its not cruelty, you may not like custard. it doesnt mean you hate custard maufactutrers. its just an opinion.

    Editor's Note: Some of this is speculation important to keep that in mind.

  • Thomas

    If a woman had to choose between being "filled" and having an orgasm, which would she pick?

    I have often read that most women don't actually climax during actual intercourse and that is why I am asking this question.

  • Anonymous-1

    So what if I explore different ways of looking at my situation? It's not the pain that's the problem, it's the small penis preventing me from having the life I want. Am I supposed to be convinced that it's not a problem? Maybe I could be talked into believing that my small penis is just fine as it is. Then I could run right out there and join the dating world. And guess what? Despite my thinking that it's fine the way it is, every woman I date will still dump me because of it. So what difference will changing my thinking make? How I feel about it isn't the problem here, it's how women feel about it and their unwillingness to accept a small-penised man due to the fact that it prohibits satisfying penetrative sex. I don't blame them. Who wants to give up good sex for the rest of their lives? I don't fault them for not wanting me. I can go to CBT and meditate all day, I'll still have the same small penis that dooms me to a life devoid of physical intimacy.

    Could your clarify this statement: "it may be indeed the case that you have a small penis and there may be indeed some actual emotional pain that needs to accompany this in your case" Because it sounds as though you're confirming that a having a small penis is good reason to be in emotional pain and that goes against what you and Dr. Schwartz have been saying here.

    One more thing, there's no need for speaking in hypotheticals when referring to me. At just over 5", my penis is at least a full inch below average, more than inch below normal according to most studies. There's no question that it's small, from a scientific standpoint and especially in the opinion of women.

    Editor's Note: re: clarification, I'm merely suggesting that I don't know if you qualify for a small penis or not. It really depends on what studies you compare yourself against, i suppose. You would be below statistical average according to some of the figures bandied around here, but not terribly so. Anyway, I've learned not to argue with you you aren't much open to that. So if you say you have a penis so small that no woman will ever have you, so be it.

    I hope my suggestions are helpful, but I can't make them so. What I can tell you is when therapy (or meditation practice) works out well, it is often a transformative experience, meaning that though you may have doubts now, you may find that you think and feel differently later on. Or not, depending on your experience. No one is in a position to give you a guarentee. But as you are in emotional pain, and as what you've been doing doesn't seem to be working out for you too well, it may be worth a shot to go in in that sort of direction. I would think it would be, anyway. If it was me, I'd probably go for the meditation as that won't ask you to challenge how you are thinking currently and may therefore have more of a chance of success on that basis. You have to make the call.

  • Anonymous-1

    A woman can easily have both the feeling of being filled and have an orgasm by simply choosing to have sex with just about anyone other than us. Men below 6" are rare, sexually experienced women understand that and move along.

    Not trying to fight you here, just telling it like it is.

    Editor's Note: Just telling it like you perceive it to be. That doesn't make it true, necessarily. The rigorously conducted studies I've briefly reviewed suggest that erect penises smaller than six inches are common.

  • Anonymous-17

    with respect, the studies you qoute have very small sample sizes.

    the smaller surveys have come up with figures 5.1, 5.4 and 5.9

    the larger surveys have figures of 6.2, 6.4, 6.5, 6.6

    the vast majority of data is from white men

    reported female estimations range from 6-8

    US men undergoing surgery are 5.1

    micropenis, less than 3in, is 0.6%

    the idea that people posting anonamously should exagerate is seriusly flawed.

    if a man were to wish to skew surely you would post 100 replies with a smaller value?

    equally the idea of attaining a full erection whilst a stranger measures seems implausible. chemically induced erections can be very variable

    i think the larger surveys are more reliable and kinsey applied very strict measures and conduct.

    ironically i have just seen a double re run of an early Friends episode when they all like monicas boyfreiend but she tells her friend she doesnt feel it. the woman replies 'honey... you gotta feel it''. the very next episode the 3 girls are watching a man in a towel from the balcony and the towel slips and they all swoon at what is supposed to be a massive member.

    now i know its only a sit com, but its the most succesful sit com of all time watched in over 20 countries. the gags are funny because they relate to real life. i cannot emphasise enough that men need to be empowered with a different way of viewing life. but it MUST be grounded in reality. to do otherwise is irresponsible.

  • Anonymous-1

    Please don't take this the wrong way. I'ts not intended to be inflammatory.

    I could go the CBT route. However, according to my therapist at the time that's what we were doing. I could take your advice and meditate. Either way, the question remains.......what difference will it make? I'll still be unacceptable to the majority of women. I'll still be alone. Again, changing how I feel about this is not going to change how women feel about this. They're going to reject me because of it regardless of what I think about it. So what good will changing my mindset do? The end result will be the same no matter what.

    Editor's Note: People who are struck down with severe handicaps in the middle of life sometimes become completely despairing, but other times, they emerge from grieving and find a new way to have a decent life, albeit one that is different than they originally anticipated. Your perfectionism is blinding you to the possibilities of life outside the box you inhabit. Now, your perception is that the box is the world they are identical, but I'm here to tell you that there is more out there than you think there is. That is my perception anyway - you are free to disagree. Your choice is (to oversimplify) to either continue to live in the box uncritically, and lament your fate (which is the only logical thing to do given the parameters of your particular box), or you can work on breaking out of that box - that way of thinking. And what you will find outside that box I cannot tell you, but it will be different than what is inside. With my arguments, I've been trying to force the box open, which I realize in your case is a mistake. Maybe a working solution will end up being more like that infamous Chinese finger trap where you have to relax in order to get out (and tightening up only traps you further). That is why I'm thinking now that maybe meditation would be a better direction to go in than argument. Yes, the reality of your physical situation won't change. But how that reality will appear to you after you've managed to transform yourself a little bit (what you'll care about and what you won't care about at that time) may end up being different. I don't know what will happen. Maybe something and maybe nothing. The one thing that seems rather clear right now is that nothing much productive is happening for you right now inside this painful box of thought you're inhabiting.

  • Thomas

    Really, who cares? Women say they care, yes, but do they really and I mean really care? Of course there are women out there that love sex. To be honest though, most women are kind hearted human beings that just want to live a peaceful quiet life and to be loved. And just because you are small does not mean that cannot be satisfying in bed! Why can't people get that through their skulls? Your brain controls everything, and I mean everything! Did you know that there are ways of taking a womans hand and rubbing it in a certain way that can make her aroussed being belief? Did you know that her breasts are directly linked to her orgasms? did you know that there are sexual positions for a 3.5" erect man to take in order for his partner to get the sensation of being "filled"? Did you know that women are also very stimulated by hearing things? Seeing you enjoy yourself during sex is also very important to her. Of course all of these rely on the two of you being in love because the best to truly satisfy a woman is by her wanting you for who you are. There is a difference between great sex, and making love. Great sex is just that, great, for a little while, but you get bored with each other after a while. Making love however, is about love, and that is the most satisfying part of a male and female relationship.

    If a guy who is small picks up a girl at a bar, of course she will turn him down when the closthes come off because all she wants is a night hot sex, not love making.

    But if you are dating a girl that you really like and you connect on so many levels, then hold off on the sexual stuff for a while until you know that she loves you for who you are. Tell her that you aren't confidant about your size but that you love her a lot and that you want to make her happy in every way possible. Sex is definately not the most imporant part of a relationship. so don't feel hopeless.

    I find it hard to believe that woman will turn down a beautiful heart, in exchange for a penis. No matter what anybody says.

  • Anonymous-1

    It certainly isn't mine. I'm not going to be happy with a different life than I anticipated. I want to love and to be loved. I want to be accepted. I want to have a fulfilling relationship - both in and out of the bedroom. I want to have a normal sex life with a woman that will enjoy penetrative sex with me. I want her to be able to feel me and be satisfied with my size. None of that is possible inside this box and none of that is possible outside of this box due to this inadequacy. You see what my physical situation is. You understand that it can't be changed. So why is it so hard for you to comprehend what that means for me and what I want in life? All it takes is a little simple deductive reasoning.

    Editor's Note: I don't wish to argue or repeat myself, so I won't.

  • Anonymous

    I think it would help if we explained what exactly goes on during sex that places the size issue in perspective. That would PIN down the problem in a larger scale (no pun intended). What exactly is happening? Is more friction necessary for more pleasure? What is the pleasure? Stimulation? Nobody ever taught me, I didn't just pick it up from being with various girls. So I actually don't know. What can it be compared to? What is sex? Why?

    This is a very tough question. Maybe we don't understand sex yet and we're just running around like chickens with our heads cut off yelling "more!", "less!" "more!" b'cawww!"

    Why are we smaller? Is there a sadistic God with a magnifying glass (no pun intended) trying to make things more interesting?

    Does it follow the same conditions of a massage? harder and deeper is better? more invigorating? We also need women to tell us the truth, because it varies so much as do our sizes, so I think the best compass on the matter is to understand sex a little better.

    I appreciate that the doctor is telling us that the issue is sensationalized, which it definitely is, and causing many of us to panic, as if a bunch of porn stars will come measuring us door to door for the Great Penis-a-thon Charity Ball. So I want him to explain the physics of sex and where "we" stand in the "big picture", (no pun intended) of WHY and HOW, so we don't have to hear it from classless slobs who like to poke fun (no pun intended).

  • Anonymous-18

    We small men are supposed to be rare. I have heard a few women say that small men can be very passionate lovers. Might not be great relationship material, but good for passionate weekend where its all about the lady and making every inch of her skin tingle with pleasure. We are rare and a delicacy. I don't see a problem with that.

    And whatever happened to that whole saying that women prefer chocolate to sex anyway?

  • Anonymous-1

    "Might not be great relationship material, but good for passionate weekend where its all about the lady and making every inch of her skin tingle with pleasure."

    So not being good enough to have relationships is okay with you as long as you get a weekend of meaningless sex here and there? I don't believe that for one minute. Maybe I'm just really old fashioned for a guy in his early thirties.

  • Anonymous-1

    I'm not trying to be argumentative. I simply don't understand what good it will do me to try those things if the final outcome will be the same regardless. That's all.

  • cj

    i hate being so small. 4.5" x 4" is ridiculous, especially the lack of girth. i obsess about it, like the rest of you do. i hate feeling that i have no control over something i feel is so important. i hate that our culture mocks me, that i am a popular joke people love to tell. i hate that i can't fill my girlfriends like all their other lovers. i hate how i feel about myself and my penis. i hate that i always filter out the good, and focus on the negative when it comes to my dick. arrggggh!

    but the reality is i have an awesome sex life. my girlfriend had two wicked powerful orgasms last night, one from (gasp) penatrive sex, the other from oral. we have a great fantasy life, i tell her stories and engage her mind, seduce her during dinner with touches and words, we play and play. she told me this morning that in her entire life she has never come like that, 'out of body' was her comment. she is 44, has had lots of lovers, and three kids in case you think she 'fits' me all that well. she comes almost everytime, and as many as 5 times in one session. oh, i can easily convince myself that a bigger guy would be better, and i sometimes do and mope about it. i ignore how fantastic our sex life is, and how great it has been with other partners. yes, i have been with women that were a bit disappointed with our fit, but i surely still got them to come a lot. i know for a fact that trust, connection, effort, patience, passion, imagination, stamina, etc etc mean way more than size. yes, size matters. but for the most part, just to guys like you and me.

  • Anonymous-19

    What you say is exactly right and true.

    I think the guy that edits or moderates this forum is doing a great job. As you know, one problem with 'our situation' is trying to get people to understand when they simply cannot I know I don't have the words. In fact I seriously doubt if would even be able to explain to another person what riding a roller-coaster is like and this situation is way more complicated and emotional that that. The editor cannot completely understand unless he suffers from having a small penis, but he is doing all he knows to do.

    Anyway, what you say is true. We didn't do anything to deserve our situation any more than the average, or large guys did. Here are some things about us, but remember, when you are done reading, you and I will still have small penises in fact every man's penis will be the same size as it was before you started reading:

    1. This is it. Nothing is going to change. We will have a small penis until we die. (In fact we know that the last thing we will experience in this world is the funeral home guys will laugh at us. The editor has never thought that thought, he has no reason to, and he probably thinks it is pathological.) When people tell little dick jokes on TV or movies or hanging out in person we smile and laugh through the humiliation. I've been there, it's hell.

    2. Some females will think it is funny and laugh at us, some will find our penises disgusting (I never have understood that), some will try to be nice and fake pleasure but not tell us the truth to protect us. I hate that. Anyway, I've been there, it's hell.

    Now I hope you can believe this next thing I am just like you and have no reason to lie. I'm anonymous and so are you.

    3. We are not capable of pleasuring all the women in the world, but that is not hell because I don't want to have sex with all the women in the world. We probably can't pleasure even a large % of all women. That's disappointing. However, I know for a fact that I can pleasure some women. That's right, even with a small penis I can in fact cause a woman to experience an orgasm. In fact, it has worked with more than one woman and I think there are probably others out there because I am not the only small guy who has found one of these women.

    Who are these women? They are just like other females except they like sex and don't care about penis size. How many of them exist? I don't know, probably not many and that's too bad for us.

    How can you find them? No special answer. FedEx or UPS won't show up with one. And the process will be brutal because you will get rejected and humiliated a few times along the way. It's hell. But if you don't try, you will not find one and I think it is was worth it. When you find one, it is great. Not only do they accept you for who and what you are, they really like to have sex with you because you make them come. Why are these women different? No clue.

    Will you have a bigger dick after all this? No.

    Is that okay? No.

    Is there anything you can do about it? No.

    Is life fair? No.

    Will you ever fully accept your situation? Probably not, I haven't.

    Will you always wish you had a larger penis? Yes. (except, I have heard that big ones quit working sooner that small ones - that might be a myth so Doc can you help us with this question?)

    Will you always have doubts about all things sexual and from time to time will you be suspicious that she might cheat because you have a small one. Yes. (If she does cheat it's very likely not because of your penis size.) Even if it's not true, thinking about it is hell anyway.

    So what's the consolation prize? You get a piece every night and so does she and it's great.

    And oh yeah, Thomas, it seems you have all the answers, so why are you reading this site? If small penises are so great, why aren't there clinics everywhere performing penis reduction surgery? All I care about love is I would love to have a bigger dick.

    Editor's Note: I cannot comment on how quickly penises wear out. I've never heard that rumor before. I'm not a medical doctor and have no training with regard to physical bodies save for some pharmacology and brain anatomy background.

    I know it is easy to get on one another's nerves here, but whomever is contributing here has reasons for being here, probably having to do with deep seated insecurities around penis size. People are coping with it in different ways, is all. Thomas by emphasizing other things beyond penis size that he thinks are important like love and affection, and whomever I've been writing back and forth with by sensitizing (gathering up further confirming bits of evidence that makes his conclusion seem more solid) and as a result, falling into a pit of despair. People in living glass houses should not throw rocks, please.

  • Anonymous-1

    It feels great to be attacked on top of everything else I'm dealing with. Ever feel like you want to cry but the pain is so intense that you can't? That's what my whole day has been like. And now I check in here to find this. You all think you're so much smarter than I am, don't you? Try to walk a day in my shoes. I bet you blow your brains out before noon.

  • Thomas

    I don't have all the answers. I visit this site because my small penis bothers me. Do i think that being in love can overcome that? yes. Just because I think that Love will solve everything doesn't mean that I have all the answers. And I think that I may come across the way that i do because I like to be positive. I once tried to commit suicide because all i thought about was negative things. would I love to have a bigger penis? yes, but if I think that I'm too small to satisfy a woman then I won't satisfy a woman, so i have to think that I can because our brain is the greatest sex tool we have.

  • xx

    as a woman in late 30's who has always enjoyed sex and been with big or small penised men, i do feel i should say a few words on why at the end i have chosen a small penised man and it could be interesting for you guys out there who have questions on a woman's attitude to the matter.

    i have enjoyed huge penis of a man whose attitude towards life and future were so negative that i left him, his big penis wasnt enough, and i have enjoyed big penises of a dull, boring guys whom i left too.

    then i met a very optimistic, full of life, humorous, witty and gentle guy whose penis is less than 10 cms. this guy makes me happy, happier than i ever was. what he cant get with his size, he makes it with his fingers. i accepted him for what he is, and with time we have learnt how to pleasure each other. the world is wonderful and we fully enjoy it :)

    i may need to add that i am a rather petite lady with a smaller vagina than the average, its not my conclusion, its the conclusion of my gyn who said that i "am tight", but i am not the only one, we are there, out in the world, just look for us :)

    its your attitude towards the issue that matters. if you start whining and crying to your gf about how small you are, they surely will run away.

    but if you develop your other character values and if you make her laugh and feel loved, if she can tell you are a strong, determined and positive guy, she will stay and love you back.

    i hope this clarifies a bit a woman's opinion on the matter :)

    cheers

  • Mike

    I've always thought i had a small penis... ALWAYS.

    If you are still in highschool and u are worried, just keep your hopes up... mine grew almost 2.5 inches over my highschool experience. Well the most important thing I can say is to find the right woman. If the girl your with has a problem with your penis size then she doesn't truly care about you. If you can charm her, make her laugh, and make her feel like you would die for her, penis length means nothing. Satisfaction for women is mostly mental anyway.

    P.S. If suicide over your penis size is entering your mind... TALK TO SOMEONE.. seriously... is something so miniscule (no pun intended) worth something so great? I know it's clichè, but there is a girl out there for you... dont give up

  • Anonymous-1

    As a matter of fact, there is no hope for those of us with a small penis. There is no mythical "right woman" out there waiting for us. An awful lot of women won't even allow a relationship with one of us to continue beyond the first sexual encounter. Those that do decide to give it a try live with constant frustration and spend their time longing for the satisfaction that only an average or larger penis can provide. Eventually, the desire for sexual fulfillment becomes so strong that they can't help but go looking for it. And since statistics confirm that only a very small percentage of us are below average, it's easy for them to find a normal man who can provide that fulfillment. Then it's "see ya" time for us as they walk out of our lives forever with a big smile on their face knowing they will finally get enjoyable sex on a regular basis from their new adequate man. Those of us whose dreams of a good life have been shattered by a small penis have only two options: 1. Live out the rest of our natural lives alone, hurting, and desperate for love or #2. Check out early. There are no other options. Trust me, I live with this horrid curse every single day. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

    Editors' Note: It's not a "very small percentage" of men who are below average. 50% of men are "below average" that is the way that the average works. You may mean "very far below average", which would be a different story.

    I am continually struck by the degree to which some men who self-identify as having a small penis become so despondent and suicidal, and so absolutely sure that they have exhausted all options for love. As is typically the case with most suicidal thinking, there is a sort of tunnel vision that develops that makes a negative situation seem to become impossible. But the situation is not impossible it is merely difficult. It may indeed be polyannish for some men to believe that the answer to their troubles is just around the corner, but it is also overly-negative to believe that there is no way to have a meaningful life simply becuase you have a small penis. People who suffer far worse traumas than this are often able to recover enough to life a life that doesn't entirely suck and which has its good moments. Surely this is also possible for people with small penises. More to the point, happiness in life is more about your attitude than your equipment.

  • Anonymous-1

    For me, a meaningful life is one in which I have a committed woman by my side who loves and accepts me as I am. Unfortunately, the chances of ever having that are pretty much nil with this joke of a male organ in my shorts.

  • Danny

    i'm a 51 year old mentally challenged developmental delay male, my penis and testes are quite small since i didn't start to go thru puberty until i was 17 years old. my penis and testes didn't grow much. i had my first ejaculation until i was 17 1/2 years old. i feel for me since i'm mentally challenged(mild mentally retarded)developmental delay is the common why my penis and testes are small. i had my parents get me a vasectomy when i was 20 years old because the doctor told me my sperm isn't normal, i just don't want to father a mentally retarded child.

  • Anonymous-1

    I don't deserve to breathe the same air, drink the same water, and eat the same food as an adequate man. No woman will allow a relationship with me to continue beyond the first sexual encounter, let alone reproduce with me and my joke of a manhood, so what right do I have to use up our limited natural resources? All I am doing is wasting them when they could be used by an adequate man who actually has a chance of making someone happy and carrying on the human race.

  • Anonymous-20

    Dear All,

    I posted here a 3 months ago and it seems the same issues come up. To the last posters i would advise professional help asap and in particular joining a social group where there is no enthasis on sex whatsoever.

    Huge proportions of the earths human inhabitants live rich rewarding lives but rarely or never have penetrative sex. I am not just talking about children or the over 50's but many others.

    I know women with normally endowed husbands who sex 3 times a year because of tiredness, over familarity or lack of libido but they love their partners and love life.

    If you suddenly contracted cancer you would see how trivial this issue is. I dont mean to suggest your problem is imagined and i strongly disagree with the editorial above which claims 3 things:

    1. there is no such thing as a small penis

    2. women univrsally like their partners penises

    3. if a penis is really small there is treatment avaliable.

    i'm afraid all theses claims are entirely false, not least because 1 and 3 contradict each other.

    So I am not going to say to you to take a deep breath and go speed dating because that avenue is inappropriate. But you can find meaningful relationships and even non sexual love.

    So, buy a pet, join a club, do some charity work and join the human race.

  • Anonymous-1

    You haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. Humans are hard-wired to crave sex and intimacy. Having a pet isn't going to make any of us forget that we're not adequately equipped to have normal, healthy relationships (you know, the kind that include sex and intimacy). Going to social groups won't fill that void either. Living without love and acceptance and intimacy is excruciatingly painful. Nothing can ease that pain or make us forget about the life we want but can't have thanks to this curse. For you to suggest otherwise is absurd.

  • Anonymous-1

    You talk about finding other ways of having a meaningful life. Does that mean you agree that we small men can't have a normal life with normal relationships?

    Editor's Note: Not at all. Some small men are finding ways to have a normal life with normal relationships. We know this because they have written in and told us this much. Others, including yourself I suppose, are not doing so well. So my comments to the effect of finding other ways to have a meaningful life are addressed to you and others in your situation.

    My comments are about becoming open to learning new coping methods, primarily. They are not about saying "you can't have this, so settle for this instead". I don't know what you can have or cannot have. This sort of thing can't be known with certainty. In many cases, you can get what you can negotiate for, which is a sort of coping skill in itself. When you are utterly convinced that you are unworthy and rejectable and have a negative self-concept as a result, you are in a terrible place to negotiate and won't get far, most likely. However, by becoming open to new ways of coping, such as but not limited to detachment/meditation strategies, you have the chance to gain a new perspective on your situation and your self-concept, and possibly turn things around.

    Some life situations are inherently painful, but to a large extent, it is what we make of situations that determines how much total pain we will experience. Let's say there is a rough equasion: total pain equals inherent pain plus pain we add to the situation by not coping well. We can't do much about the inherent pain, but there is a lot we can do about the part we have control over aka the part involving coping.

  • Anonymous-21

    A man with a small penis is never going to have a normal life with normal relationships.

    Even if nothing embarrasing ever actually happens, you think about it every day. You fear every day that you will be somehow be humiliated.

    Even if you have a normal appearing relationship, you fear that either your wife or girlfriend must be (1) cheating on you, or (2) you are not able to actually pleasure her and she is lying to you when she says that everything is great (or both).

    I have been married over 30 years and my wife says she loves me and that she has never even thought about cheating on me. In over 25 years she never spontaneously responded during sex. One day I asked her about it and ever since she has (remarkably) responded but I am certain she is faking.

    So, the question arises, is she the only female that for some reason can perfectly control her native instinctual sexual responses, or is she cheating, or is she merely serving as a convenient receptacle into which I ejaculate. She says things are great but I am unconvinced. Short of submitting her to a polygraph I will die assuming I am totally inadequate and will never know the answer to that single question.

    So, coping is one thing and actually being normal is something else.

    On another issue, I appreciate the woman who commented earlier, but her message is quite painful. To paraphrase, she advised to quit whining, wait for a girl until she is sort of done with her large penis phase and is ready to settle down, and then make up for a small penis with oral sex or stimulation with fingers. If being humiliated and demeaned like that is coping, I'll skip on the coping.

  • Anonymous-22

    In response to the poster who objected to my suggestions I would recommend they step back from the situation.

    For people in proper relationships sex plays a small part. As time goes by that dwindles still further. Yet they enjoy intamacy, friendship, love etc

    I'm not going to sugar coat things for you. If you have a genuinely small penis then you will not be able to have a conventional sex life. There- I have said it. But I am also saying you can have meaningful relationships.

    I agree we are all sexual beings. So have lots of masturbation. Use prostitutes now and again if you must (please use protection) but you must interact with humans. You will be amazed at how good it feels.

    You never know you might have a girl ask you out. If you like her back then take things slowly. And before you shoot me down saying it will end with disaster.... play it clever. Casually mention how a friend of yours was chucked due to impotence? Check her response... does she critise the girl for being shallow? A few days later mention your annoyance at those computer ads for enlargement, again check her response: if she trots out the 'it doesnt matter if you love someone' line then you might be compatable. Some women are kind and very accepting.

    Obviously you need to weave these things into a natural conversation otherwise she will think you are odd but who knows....

    Either way you will find that human interaction lifts the soul.

  • Chris

    Hello, I'm 22, from England still a virgin and funnily enough, have a small penis. I don't know if I'm posting this for a response or just some kind of release, you know!? Lately the issues I have with my chap have become untruly intense. I cant seem to focus properly on anything else & I've found myself becoming needlessly agressive with people I care for. I don't know what to do!! After reading such a varied mix of comments (Some suggesting a man with a small penis can enjoy a perfectly fullfilled life & some "checking out early") i'm still nothing more than enraged, frustrated and jelaous when I think about it! The main obstacle I have encountered is the issue of sexual protection. In this age it's a pretty important thing and the idea of having to say "because it won't fit" when asked why I won't wear it doesn't really appeal you know!? Another problem is the now relentless interest from friends about why I keep getting invloved with girls and then suddenly "not being interested" lol At the risk of sounding like a proper dick, I'm not helped by the fact I'm not ugly. I go to the gym every day, box and run, so female interest is always from really hot, experienced girls. I should be f*cking enjoying it not being called gay e.t.c. What can ya do tho ey?

  • Anonymous-1

    If I can't have a conventional sex life, then I can't have a meaningful realtionship. Meaningful, intimate relationships include having normal sex like normal human beings. If you want to pay for human interaction, go right ahead, but don't expect me to describe it as meaningful or fulfilling.

  • Tom

    Reading these comments here, I actually got insecure myself (a somewhat small 5.5" here). And then I remembered just how great sex is, and how little (no pun intended) penis size affects the things that truly matter.

    My advice to all the guys who are worrying about their size is to simply focus on how desirable their partner is, and how to fully enjoy making love together.

    If you simply put effort into making her enjoy the whole package (which includes kissing and touching her entire body - not just her vagina), and she can see and hear how much you enjoy her - the sex will be great no matter your size.

    Sex is as much mental as it is physical. Worrying about the size of your penis is likelier to hurt your sex life than simply having a small penis. If your own privates are all you're thinking about, she'll notice that you're not into it, and the sex will probably be bad. On the other hand, if you're confident, considerate and able to make her feel like the sexiest woman on earth, she will love your penis even if it really is small.

    A good example is a girl I used to date. She'd had sex with a fair number of men, but had never orgasmed (EVER) in her life. I finally managed to get her there. Not with my penis, but with words (and a bit of help from my hand). I'm pretty sure that she enjoyed that far more than any penis she'd ever had.

    So stop thinking about your own size, and instead focus on simply having the best possible time together. And if a woman complains about your size (extremely unlikely), gracefully dump her right away. There are plenty of women who will appreciate a man who can them provide them with the things I mentioned - regardless of the size and shape of his parts.

  • Anonymous-23

    i agree with the guy who said being small has ruined his life. mine too.

    and i think therapy maybe, just maybe could help, but i've seen five about this matter, and they kind of go Duh? What can I do? I'm a therapist. And what can they do? They say well, try to accept it. but that's easy to say, hard to do. it's not in my head. two were psychiatrists, so they examined me, suspecting it was in my head. when they examined me they said, well, i can see why you've been concerned. Now try to get beyond it. But HOW??

    It's easy to say, seek out therapy. It's hard to find therapists who can help, for me so far impossible.

  • Anonymous-24

    below are some links. please note it is impossible to increase the erect size of a penis. surgery can only marginally increase flaccid size.

    this is why these men are so unhappy. it is not not an imagined problem

    Editor's Note: The links below point to various video clips hosted on the YouTube website. The first two feature singer Lilly Allen, the rest are a mix of home video and 'man-on-the-street' interviews, mostly with people discussing how small penises are not unacceptable in one or another fashion.

    As per usual in this thread, the evidence on offer has been carefully selected to make the point that the authors are trying to make (e.g., that small penis size is a real problem). And the thing is - this evidence is not about the actual issue - it misses the actual issue.

    It has never been in doubt that there are numerous women out there who prefer (or think they prefer, or will not admit otherwise in public) larger penises. The same can be said for men who prefer larger breasts, I suppose. But this is not the issue here. It will never be possible to please everyone and especially not with physical appearance it is only necessary (if you are seeking some happiness) to find someone who can look past your imperfections whatever form they may take and become willing to relate intimately (this being as much or more about emotion as it is about intercourse).

    The actual issue here is not that 'women prefer larger penises' it is about self-acceptance and identity how people can learn to care for themselves when they feel unacceptable.

    Having attempted to make what I think is the key point here (and expecting that it will fall on many deaf ears), those of you who want to watch women talking about how they find small penises unacceptable can click on the links below.

    Please note that these videos are possibly NOT SAFE FOR WORK

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GngOsldReMU

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JivPkI-Z7s

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKCs1jX-4VA

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCwvLcrm53Q

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0LNuOtO5ho

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XeBy7Witto

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tnq1LhOwDQ8

  • Anonymous-25

    as it happens we did screen the clips but not in the way you suggest.

    we removed clips that violated 3 rules:

    1. any link to a male enhancement site

    2. any link to an agony aunt site

    3. any gratutious comments from drunk women

    we screened over 120 clips and ended up with 7

    if anyone can find any clips that suggest women dont mind pls post them

  • Anonymous-26

    All the self-acceptance in the world isn't going to help a small-penised man find the acceptance of a woman. There's an infinite amount of evidence out there that clearly shows most women (not "some", not "numerous".....most) will not accept a small-penised man. And it's the acceptance of a woman that we so desperately desire. We wish we could find someone who could look past this imperfection, but a small penis is an imperfection that women will just not look past.

  • Allan N Schwartz

    I want to direct all of you to the article recently posted on Webmd about sexuality. Among other issues, it discusses the problem of small penis syndrome. Of course, I expect those who you who scoff at scientific evidence will state that this is just bogus but, in reality, it is an excellent and accurate report. The URL is here:

    http://men.webmd.com/guide/sex-fact-fiction?ecd=wnl_sxr_020709

  • Anonymous-27

    well the link you mention says that if you combine all 12 the studies you get an average of 5.9 x 4.9. inch.

    not far from 6 x 5 is it? which is average.... and indeed most women will accept average

    what if you are 4.5 x 4.5 though? or 5 x 4.7? or 3.5 x 4?

    if you are 7 x 5.5 good for you. most women wii probably think u r well endowed.

    we know that all men would like to be larger. but what of that 10% or so of men that are under the average? they are the ones in pain...

    remember most most real life docs that dare to mention specifics consistently show female aversion to smaller than average men.

  • Anonymous-19

    Correction to the last post:

    Half of all men are below average, and half of all men are above average. That is in fact the definition of average. Average is that measure (here penis size) such that half the population is greater than that measure, and half the population is less than that measure. Average erect penis length is 5.7 inches. Half of the world's human adult penises are longer and half are shorter.

    The real problem is the lowest (smallest) 20% or so. It is hell and there is no solution. That is one great part of the frustration: there is nothing the guy can do. It is nobody's fault but everybody understands physics, at least enough to appreciate the fact that below a certain penis size, that small penis in an average vagina does not work, or at least it does not work as well as a non-small penis in the same vagina. I suppose one question is what is that penis-size below which things just don't work? I don't know and it depends on the vagina in question. But just remember, a vagina can, at least briefly, accept objects as large as the head of a baby. So if larger penises feel better to women than small penises, reasonably above-average size is great. Small is not great.

    Anyway, the intractable nature of the problem is just not true for almost anything else. Think you are too fat? Lose weight. Want bigger breasts? Order them up for a few thousand dollars U.S. Not happy with your eye color? Get contacts.

    Another frustration is we are universally considered nothing more than a joke everybody appreciates a good joke, sometimes even on themselves, but unfortunately, that is THE one thing about a man that you just cannot joke about. It insults the ego so greviously there is lasting damage sometimes to the level of PTSD-like symptoms or even suicide.

    Even when a woman will accept us it is with conditions and qualifications:

    Rule 1: "I will have gone through my non-small-penis phase of my life and I am ready to settle down with a decent guy and you will do."

    Rule 2: "You know a priori that you are a failure and cannot satisfy me (like the other guys)."

    Rule 3: "You must have good personality, superior digital stimulation, superior oral stimulation, good sense of humor, and the worst of all: willing to wait and watch while I use a sex toy on myself (because you have such a small little penis)."

    It is true I get some of this stuff off of internet sites, but these are anonymous posts where the writer has no obvious reason to lie.

    Finally, one observation is that after 1 million years of evolution we still have a range of penis sizes. The truly unworkably naturally small ones evolved away hundreds of thousands of years ago. So, the penis sizes still in existence are acceptable to women in some sense, else the small-penis trait would have disappeared.

    With that said, I would give almost anything to at least be average so I wouldn't have to rationalize.

  • Allan N Schwartz

    Actually, you are not correct in your definition of "average."Average is a measure of central tendency. What you are defining is not average but the "Mean," a midway point. Because "average" is a measure of central tendency it means that on a "Bell curve" the smallest penises would represent on a tiny percent of the male population.

    Again, I want to urge all of you to read the Webmd article about males and sexuality. They discuss this issue of penis size.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Anonymous-28

    To add to the debate I have the follwoing:

    In the latest edition of COMPANY magazine the sex advisor says

    "he is compensating for his sub standard penis. dump him and his tiny willy and get a man who is big enough for the job"

    in the last 2 issues of the sport newspapers we have the following from their regular survey

    "width is essential for good sex"

    "medium is best, big hurts and small speaks for itself"

    "bigger is better, i had 10 inches once which was awesome"

    I have scoured surveys for women for actual real women with opposing opinions but I still have yet to find anything.

    If anybody can then please post them here.

  • Penis Friend

    Okay this is obviously a seriously sensitive issue here for men and women. The truth from a real woman who has had sex with a few men must tell you, every penis is different as is every women's anatomy. So...loving yourself (not in a ego maniac way) will always be reflected by your partner if you love her too.

    Men who feel they are smaller regardless of the measurement must realize women have no nerve endings 3" into the vagina. So you are killing your own sex lives with this measurement issue. We women actually wish you had a little tongue or finger at the base of your penis. No women I know like long dongs. It make a women feel like it is going to puncture an organ or reminds her of the awful gyno "bird contraption" at the gyno office. Like, I said we do not have feelings 3" inches deep. The reason why there is no feeling after 3" in the vagina is it was designed for a baby to travel through that passage. Child birth would kill us if we had nerve endings any deeper. Dah...please realize this makes your fantasy of king kong dong foolish and a waste of my time and your life.

    The person I am dating must have these smaller penis, distorted body issues. He will be erect for a blow job but, he shrinks away from intercourse. Like I said, women can't feel anything deeper than 3" inches. So use what you have and love that can get erect and you can feel her with it. I want my boyfriend's penis in me and his body hugging my body. If his finger can get me off so can his penis. Seriously please men with these body issues go play with yourself in the mirror and tell your self over and over that anything over 3" goes undetected by a woman anyway.

    We women just need to know that you men desire us. We like passion, such as throwing us down on the bed and thrusting what you have on us is good. Remember it isn't the penis size it is your outward passion and your erection that tell us you are attracted to us, without the clit or the "G" spot women would not be able to feel your penis inside us at all. The "G" spot is 2" in and hooks towards her belly button. A place your penis at any size will not reach. Let your had find the "G" spot. Love your penis and rub it in and all over her genitals. Women like to be teased, mix it up. Most of all talk to her and listen to what she has to say.

    Porn is stupid fantasy and I hate when guys think women want sex as shown in pornography. Seriously porn is killing our real sex lives.

    I hope this has shed a ray of hope on a serious sensitive issue. ---AMEN

    PS. SEX is suppose to be fun and a release of stress. The goal for you is to lighten up and laugh more too. One of my friends described sex as wiggly meats. It is gross but true and funny! We women are just as sensitive and concerned that we do not have what it takes to please you. So try to put her insecurities at ease and she will help you rid you of your insecurities. When you can laugh at sex without feeling like someone is laughing at you. You are cured.

  • Another one

    Chubby guy with about 5 inches here. It is my experience that when I was in shape, muscular, athletic and thin, I never worried about my penis size. I found that girls were attracted to me and that I could perform confidently and with little to no anxiety.

    Then I got fat. Not Geraldo show cut me out of my house fat, but I gained 80 lbs or so. Then I began to worry. When I got with a woman for the first few times it didn't work because I was thinking it was too small.

    So I've begun working out again and lost 40 lbs and now I feel 50% better but you begin to see the correlation. It is my conclusion that self image is tied to many things body image, penis image, success, life excitement, etc. So if the penis is the one thing we can't change, then change the stuff you can. (Serenity prayer like). Get hair implant, teeth fixed, work out like crazy, get cosmetic face lifts, go do interesting hobbies, become an interesting person and screw as many woman as you can until you find a good one.

    Many of the complaints here are about finding the woman who humiliates your penis size, wants a bigger guy, whores around because she needs it bigger. Been there done that have the scrap book and mental trauma.

    Big News Guys! it's because you think so little of yourself (and penis) that you settle/look for that kind of woman (screwed up). If you felt better about yourself you would see that a bad woman is the same whether your dick is 4 inches or 14 inches. She isn't going to become the perfect mate when she finds the biggest size. She has her own issues to deal with (probably daddy sex related).

    So either fix yourself up to be a great looking, interesting guy with a small dick or just give up. I leave it to you.

  • 20yo Filipino 5'7" 4.50in virgin

    All these comments are scaring me with all this talk about how a small ding dong will ruin your chances of a normal life. Is 4.50in too small or do I still have a chance to make a woman believe I'm the fucking best lol?? And what is a normal relationship you keep talking about? I have a girlfriend, we haven't done it yet... Are you saying that when we DO do it, our relationship will fail if she's not satisfied? I would've probably laughed at this thread awhile ago, but for some reason I'm worried.

  • tanner

    It is truely unbelievable to me how many people think not only do they know what women want but also that some how they are all the same! WOW..that couldne be further from the truth! I have a small penis...4.5 by 4.5...its something ive struggled with very intensely my entire adult life but i wont get into that right now. I am 37 years old and have been with my wife for 19 years now. We have 2 wonderful children and a fantastic life together. The sex we have is incredible!!!! She has to be one of the most orgasmic women on earth. She is still actually a little embarrassed because she is also an exteme squirter...but I love it! She can have as many as 5 or 6 within a couple of minutes once she starts (orgasms). If she is on top this will happen 9 out of ten times...missionary is not quite as succesfull..maybe one out of every 5 or six...needless to say we always end our "sessions" with her on top :) She is extremely tight and if i go to hard (from behind only) she says it hurts because it goes to deep and i believe her because ive felt it. and besides my small penis doing a wonderful job for her we spend alot of energy just playing...hands...fingers...lips...tongues...the foreplay is almost as good as the sex!! So I guees my point is it might be more about finding the right fit than anything else...I just happened to be extremely lucky and found mine because Im sure there are many girls out there than are the opposite. I know a girl who seems to have many sexually partners who told my wife that about ten years ago she bought a dildo measure 12 inches long and 2 inches thick!!! Its the only thing that makes her feel good...problem is..she has never ever found anyone even close to that...most are not even half that (according to her ) so would her and i be a good match? LOL Ok so some girls want a big one...so what! Some require that your tall or rich or have blue eyes or...well i could go on forever. Find your soulmate (easier said than done) and none of this bullshit Im hearing here will matter. I absolutely love sex but if god forbid my wife ever got into an accident or something that made it impossible to have sex ever again...so what!! Man..if she ended up blind or deaf or in a wheel chair...if her face was scared for life...I would love her as much as i do now and would be proud and honored to care for her and i know she would do the same!. It sounds to me that many of the people posting here have never experienced the power of real pure love before ( ya ya..corny i know ) If the subject is one night stands...well different story then...because of my size i cant even imagine being in that situation. Oh and as far as average size goes..there is only one valid source of info...www.erectionphotos.com... click on the soft hard link at the top. Besides an vast array of sizes to see...there is some real interesting info there as well. anyway..i have a ton to say here but i gotta go...so faor all you small guys out there..keep your head up (no pun intended) and worry about the things you can control in your life...not the things you cant!!!

    p.s. I asked my wife one day how long she thought my penis was and she said 6.5 6.5??? Ask a girl to show you with her fingers how long 3 inches is...or 7...or 10! From my expeirence most are WAY off so take what everyone says as the "the best size" with a grain of salt!

  • Anonymous-26

    If things are so great between you and your wife, then why are you here? It's kinda hard to stumble across a small penis discussion by accident. You'll have a hard time convincing us that you sought this place out just to tell us how good things can be. It makes your story very unbelievable.

    Editor's Note: It does not seem odd to me that some people will find ways to adapt to an issue, while others will have more difficulty. This is the case with panic attacks, for instance. There are people who have panic attacks but don't recognize them as such, don't end up freaking out and don't develop agoraphobia as a result. Then there are people who have the same kinds of panic attacks, but do get freaked out, and do develop a clinically significant problem. It's how you react which determines the outcome in this sort of case. One reaction style is not "better" than another, but the consequences that flow from the reactions styles are very different, and can make the difference between a livable life and one that is very uncomfortable. As such, I do not find Tanner's comment unbelievable, although I understand that many core commenters on this thread might (becuase if it could be true that it is possible to have a reasonable life and still have a small penis, then that would cause some dissonance).

  • Anonymous-29

    Hmmm..well youve opened up a can of worms with that question my friend...so here goes. First off I used to visit sites and forums such as these on a daily basis...i was a member of a support group on measurection.com for a long time. Most people there are in a similair situation and it proved to be a valuable support medium for me. I never posted much there but it was just as encouraging to read people share their feeling on a commom issue...but over time i felt like it was actually holding me back because i was still concentrating on my penis instead of moving on so i rarely visit now but i still take a peak from time to time. And by the way i spent most of my time reading through this entire site not just this forum! So im not really sure what it is that you dont believe? That i have a small penis?...that my sex life is amazing?...that my wife orgasms at the drop of a hat?...the whole story??? Believe me im not here to toot my own horn. My wifes sexual enjoyment has WAY more to do with her than me...she would have been like that with who ever she ended up bieng with im sure. Besides, the direction of my story was aimed towards men who are experiencing a negative imact in their lives from having a small penis (and 6 inches is a far cry to being small people) i know how horrible it can be! Ive only recently began to accept myself for who i am...and yes i do know who i am! I have alot of great qualities...qualities that enable me to be a fantastic man, friend, father, husband...and yes even a great lover (or at least thats how i feel lol)I am very proud of myself and my confidence seems to growing every day. About 18 months ago i quit smoking, started eating healthy, hit the gym 5 days a week, got my finances in order...etc...you name it...I started to concentrate on what really matters in life...in my life. Ive spent an enormous amount of time and energy improving on all the aspects of my life that i CAN..and learning to ignore the ones i cant. And so far the pay off has been huge to say the least! Im in the best shape of my life...financially, physically, mentally...but it wasnt always like that. I used to spend all that time and energy feeling sorry for myself! For close to 20 years i had a horrible struggle with the size of my penis. I have no doubt it was the main factor that began a long hard battle with depression...a battle that i almost lost....at its worst i seriously considered suicide...and as strange as it feels for me to say that now and as ridiculous as it sounds now..it all made perfect sence at the time...and all for what?? because i have a 4 and a half inch penis?? So believe me i have a very good idea of how seroius of an issue this can become for some. I cant imagine having the added anxiey of having to meet someone, dating or of course that dreaded moment of the first time she would see or feel me!! Nobody has ever laughed or ridiculed me. I consider myself to be very fortunate to find an amazing women so early on and I cherish not only her but us! Sexually we seem to have two bodies that were made for each other...yet the mind is such a powerful thing that even though i had an awsome sex life right in front of me...I just couldnt see or except it because i was absolutely obsessed with my penis size!! It consumed my mind. I somehow connected my small size in direct relation to my usefullness, my value, my worth, and of coarse my manliness. Unfortunately I took a problem that was mine and mine alone and allowed it to spill into my marriage...and after years and years of my wife being completely bewildered by my thoughts about myself..or how i couldnt see how good i made her feel....and after years of her being patient...i guess some time back it finally had its toll on her. she went from having a super high sex drive to almost none at all. After some prodding she finally told me..with a combination of anger, frustration and saddness...that my thoughts and the behavoiur that generated from that was the biggest turn off imaginable!! And that she hated it and didnt know what to do anymore...she said something like "your putting a bunch of garbage in our life that doesnt belong there " anyway the next little while and after some more conversation I really stated to think..shortly afer that i ended up recieving incedible support on the internet and my out look is so so much better. Am i 100%? I guess not since im here as you suggested but im always headed in the right direction.

    I dont know who you are or anything about you so if you believe my story or not is of no concern to me...it is completey true..and if it can help even one person out there..i will be happy with that because that is the only goal of my story here. It breaks my heart to see young males as young as 12 and 13 on these sights concerned about their size. Anyone in my predicament knows all to well..hiding in change rooms, at urinals, terrified someone might see. The only male that has ever seen my penis was the docter who performed my vasctemy...i even shaved myself the night before! We do alot of fishing up here (northern Ontario) and ive spent hours in pain holding in my urine while everyone else just goes off the side of the boat...i could go on and on with these stories but anyone with a small one already know them all!

    and finally i want to make sure you understand that im very aware of the reality of my situation. What are the odds that i would ever meet a girl like that again...1 in 10...1 in 50...1 in 1000..hell i dont know...who does..but all i know is that even if she is 1 in a million i found her!!!! :)

  • Anonymous-26

    You married the first woman you met. You never had to experience the fear that repeats itself over and over again with every new person you date. You never had to be rejected over and over again. You found acceptance on the very first try! Yes, you may have struggled with this issue on some level, but you haven't the slightest idea just how terrible it is for the rest of us. You've had it easy.

  • Anonymous-19

    You response was great.

    My situation is similar to yours except I was humiliated a time or two.

    Also, in contrast, I have never really cared what another guy thought about my penis. I guess being guys though, they know there is always a chance I will break their jaw or even worse, criticize their penis. But even when some guy makes a remark, it doesn't permanently affect me like when a female manages to humiliate me.

    I have questions that you have already answered. How do you know you can believe what your wife is saying about how great the sex is? What else is she going to say? How could she risk saying the wrong thing knowing you could easily walk out the door never to return leaving her with children? I think many of us have those latent doubts and you must have had those same doubts at some point and overcome them. I would like to hear about that.

    Doctors are very aware of issues about personal procedures such as a vasectomy. I was very relieved that my doctor had scheduled a male to assist him with the procedure. But then, after all of that, the doctor told a corny "little-dick" joke right in the middle of the procedure. Needless to say, aware of his scalpel and its position relative to my body, I remained very passive. Given any other situation I would have backed the son-of-a-bitch into a corner right in front of his helper. But I would have done it for my own amusement.

    For some reason what guys say think about me matters not at all, while what females say or think matters more than anything.

    Thanks again.

  • tanner

    Im not sure why guys would care what other guys think about their penis...and im one of them! As far as my wife goes...there is no doubt in my mind!!!! Its not what she says...its the act itelf..im sorry but there is no way she is faking it..besides the fact that she ejaculates an incredible amount when orgasming..its unbelievable..we cant have sex just anywhere because of it...its so amazing that we even looked into what thats all about but thats a whole other story...her legs vibrate in such a way that it could only be involentary...it really is quite obvious....you can "feel" Plus I have a difficult time achieving the same result in missionary positions...and often she will be talking "oh yes...right there, right there...dont stop...but usually i just cant get her there...and she tells me so..thats the point where she will always jump right on top and off she goes...no problem. I have to admit that im a little suprised at the responses im getting from this. I just wanted to let people know that you can have not only a good sex life with a small penis but even a great one!! Im not sure what everyone is having such a hard time with. Is it that a women can have multiple orgasms like that...or is it because its bieng acheived with a little guy? But then again...I guess i should understand because i was right there and still wasnt satisfied...so i guess i cant expect many others to be. My wife once told me that she wished she had bigger breast...just a bit...she is an "a" cup. Im not a breast man myself and couldnt care less..i think she is so incredibly sexy...but she said she would feel sexier and more like a women. She said unlike a penis...the size of her breast are there for all to see. i tried to explain to her that its not the same thing because even though many men love biggger breast...its not the main tool for sexual pleasure...and i was blown away by her response.." neither is your dick!!!!! " she said. ok..so what is it then? I know!

    And dont forget...unlike many people i fully understand that everyone is diiferent...i suspect my wife may even be a rarity.....but far from unique. So many women out there are looking for a good man...a good partner and i can only imagine that if she loves you..she'll accept your package...not because of its size...but because its attached to you!

    Maybe when i have more time ill tell you about a very good friend of mine who claims to have a small penis...and you should see all the girls he gets..the amazing thing is that he talks and jokes about it all the time...no men and women...his friends...and if the mood is right..even to the girl he his trying to bring home...ive seen it 100 times! He has stories that range from 1 to 10 on the excitement scale. 2 years ago I was at a friends wedding at ended up at a table of just girls...all friends of each other and mine..my wife was there as well...and this one girl asked another if it was true he was small..she said yes..the smallest she has been with yet...but at the same time this girl is absolutey in love with this guy..she just melts every time he is around. And if you would see the way this guy carries himself...i can see why! His biggest talent..according to him...is making women laugh!! But he said no one ever laughed at the size of his penis yet...my guess is because he does it first...it just doesnt seem to matter to him!

  • Anonymous-19

    Thanks for your perspective.

    I've not read anything like it. I've seen similar but your story seems very honest and very real.

    However, I don't think I will start telling women about my penis size. Actually, I've never measured since I don't care if it's big or small -- I only care what the girl thinks.

    I hope you share more. I am particularly interested in how your wife helped you with the mental aspect. I suppose it helps that she moans, vibrates, and squirts. What a woman - that cannot be faked. Maybe because of that you never had a "mental aspect."

    Thanks.

  • Anonymous-30

    i'm 16 and have a small dick dose that mean it won't grow much longer?

  • Anonymous-26

    You've probably still got some growing to do. I wouldn't start worrying just yet if I were you.

  • Slacker

    Nice feed back, guys and gals. After reading this article, I went to the local adult store, and sure enough, most sex toys available are about 4-6" long.

    If a girl complains to others about her partner's sexual organ to other people are just shallow and narrow minded. She doesn't stop to think that maybe her sexual organ is too "loose" for her man, and he's putting up with that because he loves her.

    In an extreme case, would a girl leave a well-established caring man to shack up with a long shlong dirtbag with no job or ambition? If a girl answers yes to that question, she deservers what's coming to her down the road.

    So unless there is a disabling physical problem with the male partner, I don't think he should feel inferior because his partner made negative comments about his organ. If she wants bigger, she'll to keep on upgrading until she ends up with something the size of a fire hydrant, and it's not worth keeping up.