Small Penis Syndrome: Characteristics And Self-Help Treatment Suggestions

One of the largest sources of commentary on the Mental Help Net website in the past months has been due to a series of articles having to do with men's anxiety over their small penis size. In the original articles, An Anxiety Disorder: Small Penis Syndrome, and Male Self Concept and Small Penis Syndrome, Dr. Schwartz's premises was that in many cases, men's penises were not as small as they thought they were, or as unacceptable. A literally outpouring of responses followed which, for the most part, were angry and in opposition to the implication that the perception of having a small penis was a psychological problem more than a physical one. Attempts made by Drs. Schwartz or Dombeck to clarify the issue were largely met with skepticism or rejection.

This spirited discussion was not something we anticipated when the first article on the topic was published. In responding to the ongoing discussion we have struggled to better understand the mindset of the men who complain about this issue which goes by the label, "Small Penis Syndrome". In the current essay, we want to present our working understanding of the psychology behind Small Penis Syndrome, and we want to talk about what men who are dealing with this issue can do to help themselves to feel better. What we have to say about these men comes from our observations of the comments they have left in response to Dr. Schwartz's essays, and some of the interactions that have occurred therein. In making statements about the psychology of an entire group of men we will be drawing a sort of caricature or composite image; something that describes issues this group of men faces in the broad sense, but maybe doesn't perfectly fit any individual case. We know this, and don't want anyone to feel that every thing we say here must specifically apply to them.

Characteristics of Men with Small Penis Syndrome

The men who self-identify as having a small penis that affects their lives in substantively negative ways and who have commented to this effect on Mental Help Net tend to share characteristics in common

A certain psychological rigidity, obsessionality or fixation is present. These men are absolutely adamant in their conviction that their genitalia are too small. They insist that they have measured themselves and seem inordinately focused on such measurement. They are similarly convinced that they are incapable of pleasing a woman via intercourse, although they are, by and large, not able to cite much evidence to show that this is true. In fact, many of these men admit to having had few or no sexual experiences. There is an implication that some of the few sexual experiences had by some of these men were with prostitutes. Many may have had only a single sexual encounter. Others state that they avoid sexuality entirely as they feel deeply ashamed of their penis size. All of these men affirm the belief that women would universally treat them with contempt if they were to see them nude.

These men with Small Penis Syndrome are very much focused and fixated on women and what women want or don't want. They seem to view females as ridiculing, castrating, powerful and "goddess like". The "goddess" energy that is attributed to women is less the positive sexuality of an Aphrodite, however, and more the devouring energy of a Kali. The classical image of the "Vagina Dentata" (the mythic toothed vagina that can bite your penis off) comes to mind.

A Variety of Anxiety Disorder

This highly idealized and unrealistically threatening view of "all women" (at least of "all women" who are potential sexual partners), and the associated avoidance behavior and consequent lack of actual peer relationships with women when such relationships are longed for so achingly is consistent with the idea that Small Penis Syndrome involves, in some cases, a variety of anxiety disorder along the lines of Social Phobia (Social Anxiety Disorder). These men engage in avoidance behavior and express deep and fundamental fears about their appearance, ability to perform sexually, and their social adequacy. This fear is further perpetuated by very distorted thinking about women and sexuality.

The anxiety and shame and lack of actual relationship experience characteristic of men with Small Penis Syndrome leads them to feel hopeless and depressed and in some cases, suicidal. This much is clear from statements within comments some of these men have left concerning how they feel miserable and wish to die.

The cognitive rigidity present in mens comments is consistent with the idea that an anxiety disorder or depressive issue is present. These men display prominent cognitive biases in that they easily accept information that tends to confirm their perception of self as inadequate, but reject information that is contrary to their convictions. Only data that convinces them of the smallness of their size and the hopelessness of their existential position is taken seriously and accepted as fact. Our attempts to argue points of fact with these men were adamantly rejected, and we were more than once accused of holding out false hope when we claimed that having a small penis did not have to be the end of the world.

Possibly: Developmental Delay and Inverted Narcissism

Small penis syndrome may be describing something more than simple anxiety and depression issues in some cases. The degree of rigidity of beliefs about the penis and about the rejecting nature of women is very high in some of these men, suggesting something akin to a personality disorder, or, more simply, a developmental delay that some of these men may have experienced in terms of their social maturity, perhaps as a consequence of the trauma of their shame over their small penis. It appears that in some cases, these men's view of women remains cast in the relationship of boy to mother (or, if you prefer, worshiper to goddess), rather than adult man to adult woman. There is little sense of these men believing they are in peer relationships with women.

We have come up with the term "Inverted Narcissism" in our attempts to try to characterize the nature of the developmental delay we've perceived occurring in Small Penis Syndrome. To understand what we mean by inverted narcissism, it is first important to understand the psychological term "narcissism".

Fundamentally, narcissism refers to a person's excessive interest in their self and in the way they look. The narcissist displays a grandiose way of thinking about their own talents, beauty, masculinity or femininity and intelligence. While they have an inflated sense of self-worth, they are generally devaluing and dismissive of others. In fact, to the narcissist, other people are generally not treated as peers, but instead as mere objects to be exploited for selfish motives. A very clear example of a male narcissist would be the "Casanova" who promises women everything in order to exploit them for sexual favors and who abandons them after having gotten what he wants from them.

Inverted Narcissism is a form of narcissism where the roles of exploited and exploiter are reversed from their classical position. The inverted narcissist views himself as nothing more than an object - in this case a penis - to be exploited by others. Other people - in this case potential sexual partners - are seen as all powerful, beautiful, exploiting and derisive. Women are believed to want nothing from a man except a large penis. Women, always cruel and capricious in this view, will abandon men if their penis fails to satisfy. Women will reject any man with a small penis in the most derisive way possible.

Truly Small Penis vs. Faulty Reference Point vs. Body Dysmorphic Disorder

In trying to understand the psychology of Small Penis Syndrome, we have had to grapple with the question of what constitutes a small penis. Most of the men who have written us have supplied their penis measurements (it is a habit of such men to do so). When we have compared such measurements against the few scientifically constructed sampling distributions of male penis size we've found what we've often noted is that the penises of the men writing to us are within the average range of penis size (length anyway) when considered statistically (e.g., plus or minus one standard deviation). They have been on the minus side in many cases, but still within this area of central tendency. Other men have written to us with penises that are smaller than that, but still generally within two standard deviations. When we have tried to point this out, we've been told that our sampling distribution reference points were smaller than the "true" average. Informal websites such as www.sizesurvey.com with it's impressive but self-selected sampling distribution of penis sizes are preferred as reference points, and of course the average penis size recorded within these preferred reference points is always larger than anything that has been constructed according to scientifically rigorous standards.

We don't know what the true population penis size is; we can only estimate based on samples. The controversy over which samples to use, with us favoring samples that appeared to have been better constructed but with smaller sample sizes and smaller average penis lengths and the readers favoring samples showing the largest average lengths got us thinking, however. How could we or anyone know when someone actually has a small penis versus a case where the person's penis is actually (truly) average sized (if on the minus side of average) but firmly believes themselves to be small because that person is comparing against a biased sample. And when, if ever, do people cross the line into Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)?

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a condition where a consistent perceptual distortion exists (a delusion if you will) that the body or a part of the body is larger or smaller than it actually is. While BDD is usually identified with anorexia and other eating disorders, it appears to be relevant to this preoccupation with penis size as well. It appears to us that some men have perfectly adequate penises (based on the measurements they've communicated. These penises are not going to break any world records, but they are probably just fine, however, these men are firmly convinced that they are hopelessly inadequately small. There is a question as to whether this scenario is an example of BDD. In other words, do these men: A) have a perceptual delusion in which the self is seen as small when self is really average or, B) do these men represent cases where even the average man is seen as small, based on a belief that no truly average man could possibly satisfy any women? "B" is probably not BDD as this isn't necessarily a perceptual distortion. Instead, "B" may be a distortion of the "reference point" against which the body is compared, rather than a distortion of perception of the body's size. "Reference point" refers to reported penis measurements reported in various published and available on the Internet, and in the form of pornography (e.g., in comparison with male porn stars who have large penises).

Further Observations

Beyond the Social Anxiety, Depression, hopelessness, cognitive rigidity, suicidality, possible social maturity developmental issues and the possibility of whether a Body Dysmorphic Disorder type issue is playing out for some of these men, there are a few other observations we can make.

These men are angry. They are angry with themselves (expressed as self hatred and depression), and with women. They are angry, in some cases, at the world. They maybe view themselves as being in a similar situation to the tortured one that the mythic figure Tantalus found himself in. Tantalus was punished by the gods by being immersed in water he could not drink, and being nearby a fruit tree whose boughs would blow away from his hand when he grasped at fruit. Tantalus was starving and thirsty in the midst of apparent plenty. Similarly, men with Small Penis Syndrome are surrounded by attractive women they can NEVER EVER EVER (so they think) hope to impress.

These men are distrustful. They do not trust that any woman would ever tell them the truth. If a women were to say, honestly, that she found them attractive and a good lover, they would think that she was lying to make them feel better. It is impossible in the mindset of some of these men to conceive of the idea that a woman could ever accept them. When acceptance is actually offered, it is so dissonant with this conviction that it is just dismissed as an obvious lie.

These men are focused almost entirely upon how to please a woman rather than how a woman could please them. This is consistent with the idea that Social Phobia (Social Anxiety Disorder) is present, and with the idea of inverted narcissism. More fundamentally, these men do not believe that they are or ever could be adequate sexually. They are sure that engaging in foreplay could somewhat gratify a woman but penetration will necessarily end in failure because their penis is not "big enough". And, of course, they seem to believe that all women demand penetration; that it is not possible for women to have a satisfying sexual experience without penetration. This is, of course, not true as many women are perfectly capable of achieving orgasm manually/digitally.

How To Help?

There is no medical procedure that we know of that can reliably and safely enlarge a small penis. For us, as psychotherapists, the question becomes, "Given that I have this problem that cannot be fixed, what can I do to reduce its impact on myself so that I can live a happier life?". Our thoughts about how to answer this question follow. While these suggestions are intended as useful aids to all men, they might be especially helpful to the men who are extremely angry, hopeless and depressed because they are convinced that they are not well enough endowed.

Identify and Correct Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive therapy and appraisal theory have taught us that how we think about and judge situations causes and shapes our emotional reactions to those situations. We do not become anxious about a situation unless that situation feels threatening to us. Not all situations that feel threatening actually are, however. And not all threats are actually all that dangerous either. In the case of Small Penis Syndrome, it seems to us that there are common habits of thought and common beliefs frequently present that are not necessary and which make the situation more difficult and painful than it has to be. By identifying what those thought habits and beliefs are and taking steps to correct them, a fair amount of the pain and difficulty of this issue can likely be avoided.

The most important thought habits to watch out for are rigidity, over-certainty, and a tendency to over-generalize. As we've pointed out, men with Small Penis Syndrome tend to fixate on the idea that they are hopelessly inadequate, that all women will reject them, that all women are lying if they don't reject them, etc. There is no room to move from this position, and yet these beliefs, in their rigid over-certainty simply cannot be true in all cases. No real work on cognitive biases and faulty beliefs can occur until these men become aware and accept that they might just be wrong in some cases.

It is important for men bothered by the size of their penis to identify and correct any distorted beliefs they may have regarding their small penis. An important first step is simply identifying whether one's penis is actually small in the first place. Answering that question gets directly to the concept of reference points; that which you are comparing your penis against. There are two kinds of reference points that matter here; those that reflect the average penis size in the community (e.g., sampling distributions), and the honest acceptance of a person's body by that person's lover. In our estimation, the latter is far more important than the former. If someone cares for you and accepts you as you are, with all the imperfections that plague most human bodies, then it doesn't matter so much how you stack up against other people.

Reference Points: Testimony versus Statistics:

In using reference points in deciding that one's penis is small, there are at least two types of data you can compare yourself against. One is testimony from women and the other is statistical data (sampling distributions) derived from various research studies on this topic. By women's testimony we mean stories and articles published by women in magazines and on the Internet and the like. We also mean women's behavior (particularly rejecting behavior) that men may have encountered directly in the course of their lives. In the case of one example blog that was pointed out to us, a woman gushed about how much she enjoyed intercourse with men who have large penises and wrote about this pleasure in such a manner as to suggest that normally she lies about this to her partners and does not tell them the truth about her preferences.

When trying to decide whether to compare one's self against a sampling distribution or against the negative testimony of a few women, it is almost always a better idea to prefer the sampling distribution. There are a number of reasons why this is the case. Two prominent reasons are that that many more people's information is typically represented in a sampling distribution than in the testimony of a few women, and that typically sampling distributions are more representative of the true nature of the population than are the opinions or observations of a few women.

A third reason to avoid testimony when possible is that it is so often used to manipulate people for commercial reasons. For example, stories appearing in magazines and blogs can be distorted and sensationalized simply because doing so will tend to attract more attention and thus more advertising dollars. Commercial testimonies, such as found in popular magazine stories and on blogs, and in email spam pitches for "penis patches" are not always representative of the true nature of the population because they are conceived with the idea of selling stuff.

This is not a perfect rule (to trust sampling distributions and to avoid reacting to testimony); sampling distributions can be badly constructed and contain bias themselves. However, if a sampling distribution has been well constructed (in the course of a scientific study) it will have been created using methods that try to reduce the possibilities for bias such as random sampling techniques, and it will contain a lot of people's information, which tends to dilute the influence of a few people with strong opinions one way or another who would otherwise stand out like sore thumbs in a tiny sample. The worst thing you can do is to feel inadequate after reading a cruel blog entry, as the opinion of one woman is never representative of what all women believe.

The Need for Statistical Education

The men who have written us about their small penises who have compared themselves against statistical data have not always been careful about which data sets they have chosen to compare themselves against, and in some cases have made statistical errors such as failing to take into account the "cloudy" or probabilistic nature of sampling distributions as they came to their conclusions. It is possible that this tendency towards misinterpretation is due to a lack of knowledge about statistics and/or proper research design techniques, neither of which are widely taught subjects.

It is entirely possible that some men could help themselves by taking classes in statistics so as to learn about concepts like standard deviation and standard error - measures of the spread around the mean and the error or "noise" inherent in the measurement process - so as to better understand that an average penis length is not really a single number as it appears to be, but rather a range of numbers plus and minus around that point. We also think that it could be helpful for some men to read up on how sampling distributions and surveys can be constructed so as to avoid sampling biases (e.g., with random sampling and consistent measurement processes) so that they can better appreciate why samples which have been constructed in a self-selected basis (e.g., such as www.sizesurvey.com where the only people represented there are people who took the effort to find the website in the first place, measure their own penis, and send in the data) are not generally the most reliable samples.

The Need for Real World Experience

In light of the fact that many of the men discussed in this essay report few sexual encounters with women, it is important to recognize the need for real world experiences in the area of sexuality and relating to women. In other words, these men need to get out and date; to talk to women and listen to what they have to say. Men need to be careful to avoid dismissing what they are hearing from the women they spend time with when what they hear disagrees with their preconceived notions. Finally, a variety of experiences with different women might help these men better appreciate the variety and types of women who are actually out there. In essence, we are recommending a form of exposure therapy. Only through direct experience will these men be able to learn that women are not all castrating and hostile, or dominantly focused on penis size when it comes to sexuality.

We do not mean to be flip about making this recommendation. We understand that there is a tremendous fear of rejection, and that actual social phobia may be present. We understand that a lot of anxiety is likely to be present which will interfere with the process of dating or just talking. Nevertheless, getting out there is going to be an absolutely vital part of working this issue through. You cannot appreciate that you've made a mistake by avoiding all women until you've taken the risk to talk to many women and have experienced first hand that many of them will not reject you. As this process of dating can be difficult for people who are very anxious about it, we recommend that professional help be sought. The best type of therapy for social anxiety is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps people to identify and correct thought distortions and biases, teaches self-assertion (to help men better persevere in the dating process) and assists socially anxious men in coping with those rejections which will inevitably occur (regardless of penis size), among other helpful outcomes.

Put Pornography in Perspective

Our hunch is that some of the distorted ways of thinking about male and female sexuality that manifest in Small Penis Syndrome may stem from the fact that many of the men who have this problem have exposed themselves to a lot of pornography. One of the many problems related to pornography is that it misrepresent what human sexuality is about; replacing intimacy and love with simple and raw sex. It also tends to be populated by male actors with larger than average genitalia who aren't shy about using enhancement drugs to prolong the size and duration of their erections. There are a lot of sexual behaviors (such as anal sex) that are far more common in pornography than in the regular world. It is certainly the dominant attitude within pornography that when it comes to penis size, bigger is always better. That is not necessarily always the case in the regular world. Without condeming pornography, which seems to have its firmly fixed place in society, we want to make clear to men with Small Penis Syndrome that it is vital to recognize that these biases and distortions exist in pornography, and that it is not wise to apply the standards of beauty and performance and the value systems present pornography to your own life. Anyone who tries to do so will likely feel incompetent.

Because porn is unable or unwilling to film lovemaking (intimate sex), men who get most of their sexual education from porn fail to realize that for many many men and women, the actual act of sexuality is ultimately valued less for its capacity to create an orgasm, and more for the intimacy to be found therein. This becomes more the case, we suspect, as people get older, but it is true for a great many young people as well. We recommend that men who watch a lot of porn and who suspect that they may be suffering in part because of this take an adult sex education class so as to help them gain a better perspective on what normal sexuality is actually about.

Explore Acceptance and Detachment Coping Strategies to Gain Better Peace of Mind

When rigidity of thought is high, as seems to be the case with some frequency with regard to Small Penis Syndrome, it is very difficult for people to seriously entertain the possibility that they may be contributing to their own problems through cognitive biases and honest mistakes regarding statistics and the like. It seems all too clear to such people that they are doomed; that they can never be an acceptable man to any acceptable woman, and that because of this, they might just as well commit suicide. To such people we say, don't bother with the advice we've given above. What you need to do is to work on what we might term self-acceptance and detachment coping strategies. You are so embedded in the problem that you have no perspective on it from which to constructively criticize it. What is needed for you is to help you pry yourself out of the problem enough to give you that room to maneuver

Mindfulness meditation is one of the most powerful and safest techniques available to help people disembed themselves from cognitive prison (in the 1960s authors like Leary and Huxley recommended LSD for this same purpose, but we are far more sober now). In mindfulness meditation you learn to simply become aware of the continual stream of thoughts, perception and judgments that flow through your mind, and you learn that you are are not the same thing as the content of those thoughts, but rather that which has the thoughts. This is sometimes called the "witness" consciousness. It is a non-judgmental mental space that can be cultivated by anyone. In the embedded state, the thought-haver and the thought are fused, but mindfulness meditation helps open a space between the haver and the thought. Mindfulness meditation is originally part of an ancient religious tradition originated by Buddhists and going back thousands of years. Today it is being incorporated into western mainstream psychotherapy as an effective coping strategy for helping people cope with life stress and extreme emotional mood swings. As you learn to detach yourself and take up the witness consciousness, you become able to view your thoughts more objectively and ultimately gain a better ability to critically examine them.

It is hoped that people will find this essay helpful. Comments are always welcome and encouraged.

Editor's Note: August 3rd, 2009: Several days ago, after watching a disturbing trend of angry comments start to bloom into outright advocacy of aggression (something we could not allow), we decided to turn off comments on our series of Small Penis Syndrome (SPS) articles. We regret that it has come to this as we have become amply aware that it is important that people have a place to go on the Internet where they can talk about this powerful anxiety and the shame that surrounds it. Today, we are restoring read-access to the older comments, but are not going to accept any new comments on the essays themselves.

Comments
  • Anonymous-1

    So now, in addition to having a small penis, it is apparently also likely that I have a personality disorder. I can certainly rule out ever having relationships now. I doubt very many women would be interested in a man with a personality disorder.

  • Anonymous-1

    The UCLA study clearly qualifies as a well constructed sampling distribution. That study found that 7 out of every 10 women who rated their partner's penis as small wished their partner had a larger penis. I know that you want to refute me here by pointing out that only 6% of women surveyed rated their partner's penis as small. However, if you look at the data from various scientific size surveys, you will see that there is a direct correlation between the percentage of women who rated their partner's penis as small and the percentage of men who have a penis that is below average size. In other words, only 6% of women rated their partner's penis as small because only about 6% of men have smaller than average penises. I happen to be one of them which makes me inadequate for 70% the women out there. Doesn't leave me with much of a chance to have the life I want, does it?

  • Anonymous-2

    this is a very interesting article and i think espresses the fear and torture these men suffer quite well.

    however, i think, as i have mentioned a few times in the past that you are asumming that most of the men posting have the syndrome not the condition.

    i would also add that the 'get out there and date- youll be fine' advice really needs some rethinking or at least contain strong caveats.

    you also have assumed these men have no self awarenessand no ability to handle data and that any woman posting size matters comments are hostile.

    my personal guess is that these assumptions are actually incorrect.

    most of these men are hyper sensitive to any size comments -good or bad and over the years they build up a picture of whether they might find an accepting partner.

    the comments will come from female friends, colleagues, girl friends even.

    i have to say that i have discussed this with my partners over the years, with a little trepidation i admit, and they aways concurred its an important issue. but what was more telling is that they said 'their friends' had the same opinion. essentially a significant minority are size queens but the rest 'didnt mind that much' unless it was too small. inevitably i asked what too small meant... i sometimes got vague answers but less than 6 in length or 5 inch girth were broadly the minimums.

    none of my partners were hostile or sneering. they considered the issue of potential great sadness and felt great sympathy for men they considered small or had heard were small.

  • Allan N Schwartz

    Just a reminder that we are not attempting to argue or refute but to help. Instead of using the type of logic you are presenting in your comment, why not go into an adult sex ed. class for those with the same issue. Also, why not seek a consultation from an MD who could do an examination and share what he or she thinks is real and what is psychological. I have no way of knowing your true size but, if I were in your shoes, I would want some professional confirmation or disconfirmation. I want to wish you the very best.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Allan N Schwartz

    Not at all. What we are suggesting is that you may or may not have a small penis and that you are actually in the worst possible situation to really know. As I just said, why not seek the adive of a medical doctor, after an examination. Also, why not gather some real world experience as suggested in the article. You are so certain that women will not want you. We are suggesting that there are all types and varieties of women and the cooperative and empathetic ones would be glad to share their opinions with you.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Allan N Schwartz

    I must admit that we had an inkling that many (not all) of the comment might have been coming from one person. That, by the way, is fine because we believe you are speaking for many people. And, as a matter of fact, the more you can share about what you have been through, the more it could help us understand. I am very, very pleased that you found the essay helpful. We collaborated on it and worked long and hard. If you would rather write privately, you provide more about yourself via my E. Mail address: dransphd@aol.com

    The more we know the more it helps us understand and help others.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Anonymous-1

    i have to say that i have discussed this with my partners over the years, with a little trepidation i admit, and they aways concurred its an important issue. but what was more telling is that they said 'their friends' had the same opinion. essentially a significant minority are size queens but the rest 'didnt mind that much' unless it was too small. inevitably i asked what too small meant... i sometimes got vague answers but less than 6 in length or 5 inch girth were broadly the minimums.

    While I haven't talked about it with women in person, I have read through a lot of size discussions online and I can't tell you how many times I have come across comments from women stating that 6" is the minimum length. Don't you see doctor? There is a minimum and for guys like me it's a death blow. How can I ever expect to have a normal relationship when I don't even meet the bare minimum criteria? This is what I've tried so hard to make you understand. I know you don't want me or anyone else to feel so hopeless and want to die, but what option do we have?

  • Anonymous-3

    My husband of now 15 years has tortured himself over the fact that his penis is not the size he "believes" it should be. The size of his penis does not matter to me - the size of his heart does.

    I wish he and other men who see themselves in this way could understand that a REAL woman will never "judge" a man by this. I fell in love with ALL of him. He is kind and loving and treats me with such love and respect. THATS the turn on - the emotional connection - how he cares for me - how he treats me. He is an amazing lover regardless of "size" yet he cannot seem to see this. I am totally in love with him and he is the man that was made for me ...

    Please men, do not obsess on something that makes no difference to a real woman who will value you for the man you are not your body parts.

    A real woman...

  • Anonymous-1

    Two things: I bet your husband is at least 6" and that's why his size doesn't matter to you. 2. If he was closer to 5" you would have a very different opinion about the importance of penis size.

  • Ronald Merritt

    This is the crux!

    These "experts" focus on a Syndrome and "we don't know what is average". They hinted at "what to do if you are truly small", but then sidestepped and tried to hide behind math and porno.

    What about us 6% guys?! If we're just "Fucked" then say it. If this is the "best news of my life" (i.e. small = big) then why is is so hard to say? Another interesting aspect is why is it "If she love you first.." and "You can compensate" never said in the same sentence with average or large guys?

    And no one has the answer for the often stated "Sense of being filled" and how this relates or does not relate to us? Compensatory positions can also be performed by "normal" penises. Its not like they are only "good" for us. So, if CAT or other positions are "designed" for better Fullness for small penises, then by that logic they feel FANTASTIC for women with normal size guys.

    Before I go off I'll stop. However, sure there are idiosyncrasies and defects of character that small penis guys (Less than 5, 6 if you're willing to face the TRUTH), but these were caused by the REAL rejection/humiliation we have received. Lying to a dying patient as to their chances is unethical. Going out oblivious does not allow a person to truly get right with the universe. We deserve that right.

  • Anonymous-1

    Ronald, we are f*cked. You know it, I know it, women know it, and the doctors here know it. And you're absolutely right, we don't deseve to be bullshitted, but that's exactly what's going on here. I don't know why. Maybe the doctors are bound by some mental health professional's code to only say things to make people feel better even if it means lieing to us. Regardless of their reasons, it's not right. We've suffered enough already.

    This is all really quite simple. We have small penises and as a result, the overwhelming majority of women won't have realtionships with us. The finality of that has had a very negative effect on our well-being. We're depressed because we're lonely. We're angry because we've been slighted, not because we have some sort of mental defect. The doctors here are being just as unethical as the doctor who lies to a dying patient. For all intents and purposes, we, too, are dying and their dishonesty only adds to our discontent.

  • ben

    how does it feel in a public shower. you know you are small in size and i can tell you it so embarrassing. at a ypung age about 15 i stopped all team sports because of this. i am married with 4 kids yet still feel so embarrassed

  • Anonymous-4

    may i ask.... have your children inherited those genital characteristics?

    and if so have you thought about what advice to give them?

    coping strategies? confidence boosts etc

  • Anonymous-1

    Editor's Note: An anonymous commenter wrote in just now to point out that another commenter, responding to a different essay (concerning infidelity) had made the point that part of the reason she cheated on her husband was due to him having a small penis. The comment can be accessed here.

    The commenter goes on to say, "Here we see that women (and religious women at that!) think a small penis is justification for cheating. And yet the doctors are still convinced that this is a mental problem."

    Independently, we have received an email containing links to websites where various women talk about their desire for larger penises. The author of that email asked why we would be telling men with small penises that it is okay to have a small penis and that all women would not reject them if these links existed.

    There is a cognitive error being made in these assertions, namely that because there are SOME women who desire big penises and who will reject a man who has a smaller penis, that ALL women feel this way. We do very much acknowledge that some women have this large penis preference, and that accounts for the variety of internet pages where women comment to this effect. What we are also saying is that penis size is simply not important to all women to every women on the planet. We don't know the exact proportion of women who have a preference one way or another, but the point is that there are some women who don't care, or who positively prefer smaller penises. Thought this point is very much true, it is ignored by these writers in what looks to us to be a classic case of focus-on-the-negative style selective inattention (e.g., where negative cases that confirm a person's bias are attended to, and positive cases that disconfirm that bias are ignored).

  • Anonymous-1

    You wrote:

    There is a cognitive error being made in these assertions, namely that because there are SOME women who desire big penises and who will reject a man who has a smaller penis, that ALL women feel this way. We do very much acknowledge that some women have this large penis preference, and that accounts for the variety of internet pages where women comment to this effect.

    There are far too many internet pages with far too many comments to that effect for you to claim that this preference is shared by merely "some" women. It is way more than some. In fact, it is most women, as evidenced by the UCLA study in which 7 out of 10 women with small penised partners expressed a desire for a larger penis. None of us believe that all women will reject us. But what we do know is that most of them will. And therein lies the problem.

    Editor's Note: Focusing on the manner in which the glass may be half empty, so to speak, generally contributes to more misery that might otherwise occur. Given that physical issue cannot be safely addressed, the focus of attention for suffering men with small penises can shift towards the cognitive issues such as this sort of interpretive bias where real change which can result in less suffering is possible.

  • snowbird83

    LIke many here, I have suffered for several years for having a small penis. I have been on several medications, psychotherapy and have even tried penis enlargement with no success. I feel that I am ready to end my life. I have fought this bravely and with everything that I had. I am too tired to fight anymore. I am ready to walk away. WE are not cowards. We are brave. Most of you wouldn't be able to last this long. Those that are suffering are also those I hold in the highest regard. I have nothing but the upmost respect for you men who are fighting this war we cannot win. God bless you and may you find the solution to your ease your pain!

  • cold

    I agree that the article (despite intention) merely dismisses us who must suffer a real physical issue as being delusional, incapabable of adult reasoning (or reasoning without distortion), and self absorbed only for the sake of our own happiness.

    I know, at least for my part - that my "obsession" (a term which I volunteer only because the medical profession has deemed it as such) with finding real world methods of coping with a physical issue for which there is no cure , does not stem from some deep seeded feeling of hatred for myself, or need to compare myself to others, or a flawed Freudian mother/son psychological relationship.

    My depression stems from the inevitable truth that although it is well accepted that I may find and engage in a relationship with a woman, (as I have, being married with children) that said woman will inherently be forced to compromise a part of her own mental, physical, or physiological needs or desires to maintain a working relationship. A prospect which is painful, leaves one with a feeling of guilt - and/or cause anger, as is so often the case with feelings that can be associated with or are close in nature to pity. (the last of which seems to be the most misunderstood - and misdiagnosed by Doctors)

    All relationships have compromise, but I am not referring to the kind of adjustment that people whose spouses have disabilities (sexual disabilities aside) are forced to make. Sex, and sexual desire are too deeply rooted - too much a part of the basic structure and makeup of who we are as physical and mental beings (even to the extent of becoming a part of waking and unconscious fantasies) to ignore the fact that when someone - the afflicted or the partner thereof cannot perform adequately - the other will be either consciously, or unconsciously affected.

    A person can surely fall in love with another with a small penis as a "whole" - being content in the relationship due to the person's other qualities. But we are not talking about a missing arm, or facial scarring resulting from a burn or accident. Logic would tell us that an arm, a leg, facial skin, or many other physical maladies do not have any connection with the basic mental makeup of a relationship - not in the way that sex, or a penis does.

    On the topic of coping with true physical disfigurement - how are people advised to deal with it? I doubt seriously that a Dr. would inform a patient that:

    "Yes your facial burns are extensive - but don't worry, it's really all in your mind and we can't truly compare your face to what an "average" face is supposed to look like because there has not been enough collated data to know anything - take solace in that fact." "And by the way - most of the women out there say that faces don't really matter anyway. - just get out there and mingle"

    Again, this comparison is basic, and flawed of course, but I think you get where I'm coming from.

    In my last few comments to try and help you understand, I would like to pose a few hypothetical scenarios on which I find myself pondering:

    How can I be a happy and and fulfilled person - when my only comfort is that I find someone who is understanding, and WILLING to compromise... (In the respect of compromise which I have aforementioned) and I must keep this person at all costs or suffer trying to find another, equally compromising mate. What are my chances of finding someone like this - when, even for the average single, there are so many other obstacles to overcome when meeting someone. Does this not justify a logical fear which would surpass that of a normal/well endowed man? Is this not the very definition of a real and observable dilemma? What if I were not married, and I did wish to be sexually active, or engage in a promiscuous lifestyle, could I be successful in this endeavor? Would I not inherently meet women who felt that only average to above average men were acceptable? Would I not be rejected in these instances? Would this not force me to travel in different circles to continue this lifestyle, and continuously "hope for the best"? Does a man with an average to above average sized penis fall into the same risk of rejection from these so called "few" women who prefer size - all other things being equal?

    If we reverse the scenario: Would, if I were instantly - normally, or well endowed - and not having been so previously (so the mental aspects of developing with a large penis can be disregarded) - at the very moment of the woman viewing my equipment (so as not to have any boost to ego, etc during our encounter) suffer equal rejection from a woman who prefers "small" penises? If the answer is yes - would this type of rejection be easier to take knowing now what I have to offer (physically) to the majority of other women?

    I cannot convince myself, either through logic, or hypothesis that my problem is only a distortion of perception, or an incorrect interpretation of a woman's desires. It is real.

    If you have made it this far - I apologize for the length of this post, and more importantly, my brazen disregard for good English grammar. (It is, afterall, the internet.)

  • Anonymous-5

    this is a quote from the sex editor in cosmo:

    "But size doesn't matter anyway," John blurted out. "If it's too big it's a turnoff for women and hurts, right Cat?" Victoria and I smiled. As the vagina is an elastic organ that can stretch - or shrink - to accommodate, unless a man is literally hung like a horse, this is probably not an issue any man need worry about.

    Yet when a guy asks if he's big enough, we have to say yes, even though most of us have found ourselves at some point begging "put it in" in the heat of passion, only be told that it's already there. I went on a date with a cute, 6ft 3in guy named Tom, who had huge hands and an engaging personality. We made out on the third date, but then I unearthed a member the size of a pickled gherkin. Call me shallow, but I told him I was suddenly tired. "It's because I'm small, isn't it?" he asked. I felt terrible that I said: "No, it looks fine!" in the chirpy tone I'd use about a girlfriend's horrible new haircut.

    Sixty-five years ago, Alfred Kinsey decreed that phallic lengths between five and seven inches were within the continuum of "average". The measurements have defined men's lives since.

    But, while men today can pump up their pecs, sculpt their abs, get hair transplants and pop Viagra, there's very little they can do about the size of their genitals. Obviously, it's still a male obsession - or the guys wouldn't be sending "Erectus Maximus 001" to my Hotmail account.

    It may sound horrible, but most women have their own mental minimum thresholds. Then again, so do men - like my friend Michael, who split with a flame because it "just wasn't a good fit" in bed. "Sweet girl, very pretty," he says, "but her nether regions felt like the Mersey tunnel."

    But most women discreetly admit that, all things being equal, bigger is definitely better. So when Tom wanted another date, I let him down gently. A massive member may not be essential for me, but a tiny one is, alas, a deal breaker.

    Then again, since men have no qualms about stating their preferences for completely aesthetic characteristics such as big breasts or a slim figure, I don't suppose that women should feel guilty about admitting to their own needs. Some of my girlfriends won't date anybody under 6ft tall, so why should I feel guilty about hoping for more than six inches?" 2005

    ps. a gherkin is just over 4 inches long and 4 inches around

  • Anonymous-1

    Quotes from the #1 women's magazine.....stories of rejection.....tales of cheating wives and divorce.....all attributable to a small penis. And yet the doctors who write these articles don't seem to possess the mental capacity necessary to comprehend the fact that this problem is purely physical in nature. Doesn't say a whole lot for higher education in our country, does it?

    Editor's Note: In this and similar articles, we have offered our best analysis and recommendations for ways to address this issue of concern over penis size. Readers who do not value this information are free to disregard it. You would appear to be angry, and in the moment thinking it a good idea to get rid of that anger by transfering it to someone else, such as the authors of this article who you characterize as (more or less) stupid. This sort of coping strategy, if that is what it is, will almost certainly fail you in the long run. If you want to talk about the anger and how to deal with it productively, maybe you can get somewhere helpful. If all you want to do is insult, then there isn't much anyone could say to be helpful to you, and, I would hazard a guess, the anger you deal with will tend to repeat itself again and again. Your choice.

  • C

    Since I was 10-years-old I suffer because of a small penis. And despite this article has read much of my mind, it was not able to provide me a real-world solution, which would be a method of making it grow, flacid and erect... My low self-esteem ended up in obesity (making it even smaller) and in giving up a fully development of my career. I am now 30, believing that I will never be happy in this world with a growing number of selfish women... My small penis made my life a misery and I am truly considering suicide. The other option is to stay asexual, as an avoidance of the whole suffering that would come after constituting a normal family...

  • Anonymous-6

    take heart from the following:

    A study of 50 European women found 45 of them said size was important.

    BUT its girth not length that matters most.

    The researcher said the minimum lenght was 5.5 inches not 6 inches

    ......and the minimum girth was only 4.9 inches!

    the critical thing is then you are at least 4.9 in girth and the vast majority of men are above that value.

    I hope that helps put a lot of peoples minds at rest. not all women have the 'cosmo' mindset.

  • Rod Researcher

    After reading the extensive comments spanning 3 articles and almost 2 years, I thought I would add my opinion. Firstly, thank you for the articles and trying to alleviate, through education, a masculine anxiety that is very common. It is unfortunate that your good intentions were not always appreciated by some commentators.

    There seems to be two issues present here: (1) men who genuinely have an (objectively) "smaller than the mean" penis and (2) men who perceive their penis as small or are generally (and subjectively) dissatisfied with their penis.

    Empirical studies regarding penis size have shown relatively consistent results internationally. Exclude any poll or study that is self reported, internet-based or sampled using self selection. It has been shown repeatedly that self measurement values are significantly larger than objective measurement, men are inclined to round up and/or outright lie in anonymous surveys and generally only men who believe they are well endowed volunteer for such (staff measured) research. Therefore only consult scientifically conducted research results. From these we obtain CONSISTENT reports of average (fully stretched/erect) lengths of 12-14 cm and average (erect) girth of 11-13 cm, in studies conducted in Europe, South America, North America and Asia. An excellent example is the 2001 Ponchietti et al. research conducted on 3000 Italian men in the army, aged 17-19. These men did not volunteer thus ensuring a representative sample. All were healthy. The finding: mean stretched length (shown to be significantly correlated to erect length) was 12.5 cm (sd=2.5). So, looking at the various results available it is possible to establish an average. If you fall substantially under this average then you are one of the men in category (1) mentioned above. However, if you are able to urinate, obtain erection and ejaculate then you have a perfectly FUNCTIONAL penis. No platitudes will alter its size but you have the option of either allowing this one aspect of yourself to dominate all others or the alternative which is to give your penis size less importance in your life and the life of whoever you choose to be intimate with. Approximately 60% of women are unable to reach orgasm through penetrative sex alone (these numbers decrease somewhat after age 40) regardless the size of the penis penetrating them. Some women do discuss and highlight and "idealise" a large penis just as men will often discuss large breasts on a woman in a way that idealises them. However, those same men will not dismiss every woman that crosses his path unless she has a pair of Double D's. It is the novelty value and the rarity that causes the discussion...much the same as women's conversations. If a 7 or 8 or 9 inch penis was the norm, why would it be so glorified by women, the media etc.? We are fascinated by the extremes, not the mundane, run of the mill and common.

    So, what do the (1)'s do? Realise that the difference between yourself (with an erect penis length of 7.5, 9 or even 11 cm) is not that far from the "average" (ie 12-14 cm) penis. Be proud of the fact that other research suggests a smaller penis gets harder than a larger one thus ensuring a good erection quality (provided you let go of your anxiety in a sexual situation). Learn the secrets of being a good lover which include cunnilingus and fellatio skills (dependent on sexual orientation). Use positions that maximise your penis (Her legs together, rear entry can allow a 10cm x 10cm penis to completely fill a woman. Couple this with clitoral stimulation while you are thrusting and she'll be screaming your name, guaranteed).

    Now for the (2)'s. This is more difficult because you perceive your penis as small despite knowing that you are, in fact, in line with established norms. Having a look at a website "dedicated to less endowed men" you will find men posting pictures of their peni (I kid you not, that is the plural) with (reported) sizes ranging from 3 inches to 7.5 inches. This website (www.smalldickmagazine.com) [Editor's Note: website is NSFW] has multitudes of men who were traumatized by their feelings about their penis size until they altered their perspective. It is interesting to note that even a man with 7 inch penis can perceive it as "too small". Also, most of these men have an average size penis (app. 5 to 5.5 inches) yet they too call it "small".

    If we were discussing anything other than penis size and you were told that 68% of the population fell within a specific category, would you refer to the category as the minority? As the exception? Or would that category reflect the norm with the remaining 31% being the exception? Well, 68% of adult men are the proud owners of a penis that is between 12cm and 15.4cm. 80% of men have an erect penis less than 17.2cm in length. Basically, if you have an erection measuring 14cm in length and you are in a room with another 99 men, approximately 30 men will have an erect penis bigger than yours and the other 69 will be about your size or smaller. Of those 30 that are bigger, approximately 15 or 20 will be bigger by only a cm or two (or maybe 3). Only 3 men in that group of 100 will have an erect penis measuring 7.8 in or more.

    This has implications for those men who are afraid of dating due to penis size anxieties. Your "competition" consists of men who are average, like you. Well, 70% of your competition. However, if you are still focused on that group of 30%, consider this. Are you equally as concerned that you are in the say top 10% of intelligence quotients? Top 10% of physical fitness and strength? Top 10% of facial attractiveness? Earning capabilities and financial security? Personality? Are these qualities all irrelevant because a woman (or a man, again dependent on your orientation) is only interested in the size of your penis, to the exclusion of all else?

    Assumingly if you are able to get a woman to the point that she is even going to see your penis, she must have been attracted to you in the first place. Many of the men that have commented here do not dare attempt to date because they "know" they will be rejected. How do you know this? For those that cite an example of rejection that did occur... is it reasonable to generalize one event to include all possible, future events?

    I am not minimizing the anguish that we as men can go through concerning our anxieties regarding our own penis, and genitals in general. Concerns about size, curvature, circumcised or not, erectile capabilities, angle of erection, testicle size, semen volume, force and distance of seminal emission, premature ejaculation, refractory period on and on the list goes. We often can't discuss these fears with anyone or "normalize" our experiences. When together, men will brag, boast and lie thus perpetuating further fears. Why do you think they lie and make penis jokes? It can't be that they are all in the "safe" 30% zone so maybe they are also looking to lessen their own anxiety? Or perhaps they know they fall within the "average" and accept that as pretty good.

    What I am saying is that we are not just a penis and we have choices as to how we want to feel about our genitals. It makes more sense to choose to feel good about what you have rather than despise a part of yourself. A last challenge, go to a nudist beach/park/resort. Looking around you will firstly see that most of the men look like you do. Real men. Normal men. Secondly, you'll note that they are comfortable with themselves, proud even. So what is the difference between them and you if not ONLY that they have chosen to love themselves... and their penis. (Also note that many of them are with somebody who thinks they are the hottest thing around.)

    I hope this (long) comment can help someone make a positive choice.

  • Rod Researcher

    I apologise for commenting again but felt there were a few further points to make. Firstly, a number of people who have stated that it seems to them that "the minimum penis size that is acceptable to woman is 6 inches" should bear in mind that 6 inches was an oft quoted ballpark figure that stuck in minds. As stated, empirical studies now concede that 5 inches is closer to the truth. Plus, do all of these woman carry measuring tapes in their condom holders? With all due respect, ask a woman (or a man, for that matter) to indicate 13 cm with their hands and see what you come up with. Many people cannot even comprehend the difference between diameter and circumference yet we unquestioningly accept their size reports?

    Secondly, PLEASE stop dragging out Kinsey. His study was sensationalistic at the time and received alot of attention. It paved the way for future sex research but, in terms of penis size data, is extremely flawed as the participants self reported their sizes without verification, using a "postcard". Thus, not the be all and end all in penis research.

    Thirdly, a French site (www.mesuret.org/tailles) [Editor's Note: website is NSFW] offers an excellent look at men with various penis sizes, all categorised according to size. Although in French, the site can be navigated easily by selecting "taille" (size) 1-5. It may be helpful to see men with erect peni of 8cm (taille 1) basking in their sexuality and enjoying their bodies. This site also propogates the fact that a "large" penis is real but rather uncommon.

    Fourthly, as per my previous post, I cannot help but wonder who "all" these woman are having sex with considering the fact that such a small percentage of the population has an above average sized penis. Are we to assume that there is a select group of men who are having sex, having relationships, getting married, having children while the other 70% of men are not? Or, if you wish to be pendantic, include the "average" men thus still implying that 35%-50% of men are excluded from all these activities?

    If so, it may be because they are excluding themselves. If you employ "all or nothing" thinking then men with average - larger than average peni are never left by partners, never rejected in love, never ridiculed, never experience any form of self doubt, never divorce, are never lonely or unhappy and never, ever have a sexually dissatisfied sexual partner. If you believe that then perhaps it is time to re-think your way of looking at things.

    I repeat my previous sentiment, my comments are made with the best of intentions. I really do empathise but also note that alot of people leaving comments seem utterly determined to be "right", to dispute certain facts, to argue and fight for their right to feel bad about themselves. Why is it so important to some to be vindicated in their pain, whether reasonably justified or not? If you are that set on holding onto your negative beliefs about your penis ok, you are exactly as you want to feel you are. Now what?

    Plus, of course, this doesn't change the fact that dysmorphophobia (perceived "small penis syndrome") does exist in certain men. And it wasn't (to my knowledge) discovered or invented or conceptualized by the authors of these articles either.

    If you cannot change the object, change the way you relate to/feel about/view the object.

  • Anonymous-1

    It's kind of hard to take heart when you're below the 5.5 inch minimum length. Besides, no one is happy settling for the minimum anyway. Especially in the case of penis size where it's ridiculously easy for women to find a man with more.

  • Anonymous-1

    There's a multitude of scientific studies out there that report average size as being much larger than the study you referenced. Look them up, they're easy to find. While you're at it, take a look at the UCLA study that found 70% of women were not satisfied with a man who has a small penis.

  • Anonymous-1

    Despite all of the studies and their varied definitions of average size, the fact remains that most women consider 6" to be the average size and they describe anything less as being small. The largest study to date on penis size and satisfaction found that 68% of women with small-penised partners were not satisfied with their partner's size and desired larger. So if your penis is at least 6" long, you really have nothing to worry about. But if it's less than 6" in length, your concerns are justified as you most likely have a long, lonely, painful road ahead of you.

  • Anonymous-7

    I AM ALL FOR POSITIVE THINKING..

    BUT OUTRIGHT DELUSION CANNOT BE A VIABLE STATE OF MIND

    ONE POSTER SAID 7 CM WAS OK?

    THIS IS INSANE

    HE ALSO SAID 12.5 CM WAS THE AVERAGE?? THAT JUST PLAIN ISNT TRUE

    HE THINKS CORRELATED MEANS 'EQUAL TO'.... NO IT DOESNT..

    MY ERECTION IS 50% LONGER THAN WHEN JUST STRETCHED

    HE HAS SIMPLY IGNORED DATA THAT DOESNT SUPPORT HIS GOOD NEWS

    CAN YOU IGNORE STREET SURVEYS?

    DOCUMENTARY TV PROGRAMS?

    MASSIVE US AND UK SURVEYS?

    MASSIVE INTERNET SURVEYS?

    THE PROBLEM WITH SMALL SAMPLE NURSE SURVEYS IS THEY DONT GIVE DETAILS OF MEASUREMENT

    IF I AM FULLY HARD, PRESSING IT HORIZONTAL AND PRESING RULER INTO PUBIC BONE IM NEARLY 1.5 INCHES LARGER THAN IF I SIMPLY REST THE RULER ON ME? WHICH IS THE TRUE SIZE? ISUSPECT THE SMALL NURSE SAMPLES PITCH VALUES LOW

     ALSO TO SAY WOMEN DONT KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN WHEN THEY SAY THEY WANT 6 INCHES? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? THEY CANT READ A RULER? YOU DONT THINK THEY UNDERSTAND MATH.

    YOU DONT HINK THEY BUY AND OWN VIBRATORS? YOU DONT THINK THEY NOTICE THE ABEL ON THE PACKAGING? 9 INCH REALISTIC VIBRATOR

    IMSORRY BUT THIS FILTERING PAR EXCELLANCE

  • Rod Researcher

    Dear Filtering Par Excellance

    Alright, alright YOU WIN! You are absolutely correct, you have a tiny penis, you are destined to a lonely life and nobody will ever want to be with you. You are given free rein to rant at the world for your lot in life, feel insecure about yourself and trawl the universe for any scrap of information that can augment your belief system. Congratulations!

    As I actually have a life, I have decided to stop reading this site (and submitting posts in an effort to help somebody who might be suffering) but feel it necessary to first assist you in your (mis)understanding of my previous posts.

    If you have a 7 cm erection and you are ok with it, then it is ok. Is it the average? No. Is it a penis that will make woman swoon and men gasp? No. Is it within 2 sd of the mean? No. Does it qualify as a “micropenis” in medical terms? Yes. But if that is what you have, then that is what you have. You decide how to feel about that, including the right to be ok with it.I stated that research has shown “average (fully stretched/erect) lengths of 12-14 cm and average (erect) girth of 11-13 cm, in studies conducted in Europe, South America, North America and Asia”. Consistently. I included details of one study that meets the requirements for a well designed empirical research approach, with a large sample size wherein 12.5 cm was found to be the mean. Although that is in agreement with the other studies, I did not give that value as an absolute mean. The reason being is that most penis size studies have presented a range of values representing the mean rather than an absolute value. Most studies appear to be bi-modal suggesting that penis size falls within a span of values from which the “mean” can be determined.I am fully cognizant of the meaning of the word “correlated”. Do not make inane statements based on your own interpretations. Two studies were conducted specifically investing the relationship between stretched penile length and erection size wherein it was concluded that as they are well correlated, stretched length can be used as a good indication of erection size. This finding has been reinforced by research that took both the stretched length and the erect length measurements. Erect length is, consistently, larger than stretched length with different values from different studies, ranging from 0.4 cm to approximately 1 cm. One study found a higher difference in measurements (approximately 2.6 cm if I can recall correctly) but this was still a statistically significant correlation. You must have a truly unique penis if you report a 50% difference between stretched length and erect length. Or perhaps your understanding of “stretched” is as limited as your understanding of “correlated”.You are correct that I ignore street surveys, “documentary” tv programs, “massive UK and US studies and (my personal favourite) “massive internet surveys”. The reasoning for this has been explained and is so rational that it amazes me that it needs to be reiterated but, for you, I will. Of course every man will report his correct penis size to the mm when approached on the street or interviewed for a “documentary”…how silly to think otherwise. Especially as there are people who continue to insist on refuting facts and call a 7 inch penis “on the small side of average”. And while we know and accept that there are 160 kg truck drivers named Bubba on the Net representing themselves in chat rooms as 14 year old girls called Melissa we cannot even begin to consider the possibility that men may exaggerate or even lie about their true penis size in Internet surveys. How ridiculous to think that they would be anything less than completely honest and forthcoming. Do you REALLY need this explained to you?“Small sample nurse surveys”? 3000 men in the sample?! As for the other well conducted research that does actually use less than desirable sample sizes, the fact that the results are remarkably consistent remains significant. Do the same group of men flit from country to country having their wangs measured repeatedly? There are “laws” surrounding the concept of inference from sampling, linked to central tendency and the standard normal distribution. Look them up.Your point regarding type of measurement is valid. The studies that I trust take the measurement from the ventral side. This is accepted practice in empirical penis size research. The measurements are usually non-bone pressed and it is generally stated if otherwise. Unfortunately men measuring themselves do not do so in a standardized manner. Measurements are taken from the dorsal side or along the side of the penis which can provide an extra inch (or more). The Large Penis Support Group site appears to encourage “bone pressed” measurements as they argue that the “fat pad” surrounding the pubis can minimize measurements. This is, of course, true. Just as it is true that a portion of the penile root lies well within the body. Personally, I do not see the point in impaling oneself on a ruler and thereby gaining length as the aesthetic and functional aspects of the penis are related to non bone pressed length. Penetration can only go as far as what the pubis allows, fat pad or no fat pad. It is thus only this portion of the penis that is usable and visible, which to my mind suggests this is the only portion that should be considered. I do agree though that to those who need some personal reassurance regarding their size, these “tricks” may prove helpful. This lack of correct measuring may also account for why some men report a penis of 6.5 inches only to have it objectively measured as 5 or 5.5 in. But hey, whatever blows your hair back. Visual perspective is an interesting thing. My comment was that most people cannot accurately gauge measurements without the use of a measuring instrument. Therefore, unless a penis was actually measured, using the standardized method, any anecdotal reports from women (or men) regarding penis size in previous lovers is just that, anecdotal. One member of the afore-mentioned Large Penis Support Group website stated it beautifully in saying that any woman rushing out of the kitchen screaming about the spider she just discovered, will report it as HUGE! I don’t believe I said that women cannot read a ruler, I believe I asked “do all of these woman carry measuring tapes in their condom holders? With all due respect, ask a woman (or a man, for that matter) to indicate 13 cm with their hands and see what you come up with”. Is the difference between perception and fact (measurement) clear to you now?Women do buy vibrators, at least some do. And if you did some research you would know that the top selling vibrators are the ones sized 5 to 7 inches. The extra large sizes do sell, and according to retailers who talk to some of their customers, often as novelty or gag gifts. This is not to say that some women, invariably, will buy the larger sizes for their personal use. However, do you think that perhaps they need to hold the vibrator at the protruding end in order to utilize it or do you suppose that they merely slide in 9 inches of silicone to the hilt? Are there hordes of women out there struggling to pinch those few protruding mm to remove their vibrators because they just had to get all of those 9 inches in there? Is it even conceivable to you that with a 9 inch sex toy they may not insert all of it into the vagina during sex play? I do not need to filter my understanding of this topic as I do not have any penis size concerns. Nor am I on the other side of the spectrum, that is, a vindictive type who needs to insult and belittle other men regarding their penis size insecurities as I feel somehow superior. I have no emotional investment or hidden agenda regarding this topic. I am, as the “Rod Researcher” may have implied, on this site for professional reasons and for that reason am able to investigate a wide range of information and studies objectively and without bias or the need to confirm something for my own peace of mind. I am able to discard the studies that are flawed in their design and include studies that conform to good practice, regardless of the results they produce. My previous postings were a simplified summary of those findings, presented with the intention of educating and assisting good interpretation of data. Nothing more, nothing less.My understanding is that this article was originally about a psychological condition and was not intended to address a (real) physiological problem such as an erect penis that falls under 2 sd of the established mean. You have not indicated whether you are a man dealing with a genuinely small penis but it would seem that you and your thinking are typical of the dysmorphophobia addressed within the article. I think that perhaps it is you who is filtering. Lastly, why is it that all the men who experience negative reactions from partners just know it is due to their penis size? I would warrant a guess that the bitterness, hostility and obsessive single-mindedness regarding their penis displayed by some in these comments is possibly the reason a partner just gives up. Good luck to all who are battling this concern. I truly hope that you open your mind to other possibilities and allow joy and self acceptance into your lives. You really DO have a choice, irrespective of the size of your penis.

  • DENIS SNIDER

    I have been reading other guys feelings and comments about living with a short penis.

    You do not have a clue of the other aspects.

    I can not set down on a commode to take a crap that I do not piss in the floor and all over myself because my penis is too short. When I sit down it trys to go back up inside me.

    And when I stand, I have a hard time finding it.

    There is no easy way to even go to the bathroom .

    I do not want to even talk about having sex.

    Add this to your list!

  • Anonymous-8

    Sorry pal but you are still on filtering overdrive

    anyhow I will adress some of your comments

    1. Given that you said its ok if you have a fucntional penis, I would argue that a penis that it is so small it doesnt give either parner pleasure is non functional.

    2. You said 'if you are ok with it' then its ok. I find it difficult to beleive a guy with 7cm would be ok with it nor indeed a female. Only sociopaths can completely ignore the rest of humanity.

    3. You only accept nurse measured surveys. Ok then. I know a survey of that type which got an aveerage of 5.9 in lenth. A different site said width was 4.9 inch. Is that so differnt from saying a girl wants at least average? Everage being 6x5?

    4. A study on enlargements said the average customer was 5.3 x 4.7. All the customers said they were the smallest of their peer group and were rejected by women due to it. Only 20% were happy post op- I am against this barbaric procedure.

    5. Stretched correlation: if you do some research you will see that skin varies from person to person. Its perfectly usual to have an erection larger than stretched length. But thanks for the insult.

    6. A lot of men here want to know what the average girl thinks. Would they be ridiculed? Would they be rejected? Would the girl secretly hate the sex? Now I know you cannot always trust the comments on sites as you dont know whos writing them but I think serious tv documentaries that inteview women are difficult to falsify. Overwhelmingly they women say 6-7 is averge but more importantly 5-6 inch in girth. They say 5 inches is rare as is 10 inches.

    7. My female friends, whom are numerous, experienced and decent all have the same opinion. Which is 7+ is nice but average is fine. Extra large or extra small is not fine.

    8. Why dont you get a collection of different szied dildos and ask some girls in a pub what hey think average is? Or what too small is? Perhaps you could have the argument with them?

  • Anonymous-8

    "This is not a good century to be in if you are a small man"

    Take a trip to You Tube and type in penis size

    Any medical based video will trot out 'some women like large, some medium, some small'

    But any live polls of randomly selected street interviews dont say that. They all say 'size matters'

    The most recent one had 7 women and 3 men. Only one man said it didnt matter.

    None of them being purile or showy.Also see what girls think about a 5 inch penis....The power of the internet really shows itself here.

    Finally, I asked my sister what she she thought about the issue and this site, and she is adamant that 5 in is way below average. She even got a roll on deodorant bottle to compare to a ruler.

  • Anonymous-8

    I don't know where to start because I'm still sort of in shock.

    This Friday I came home and the first thing my wife said was, "Ralph (not his real name) came home very upset and I think he's been crying. He won't talk to me about it." That, of course, means I have to deal with it. I went upstairs, knocked on Ralph's door and he shouts at me to go away. Chalking this up to moody teen syndrome, I persisted, telling him I care, I want to help, blah blah blah. Finally he opens the door and he's a mess. This isn't good.

    After about 20 minutes of prodding and reassuring, Ralph tells me that one of his more oafish friends teased him about being small in front of a girl he liked and he was sick of it and very embarrassed. Ralph is 17 and 6 feet tall. He says he's 177 lbs. Not very skinny, but not fat either. I couldn't understand why he would be so bothered. Then it dawns on me so I asked him if his friends were talking about his penis. He admitted that they were and then he just broke down and started telling me it's why he quit participating in sports, which he used to love. I thought it was just a teen change of interest and never pressured him to do sports in school. Ralph also didn't seem to have much experience or interest in girls though I know he does look at heterosexual pornography. Ralph explained he doesn't want to go out with girls because he's afraid, "they'll find out." Again, I thought I was being a good parent by not questioning or pestering him about his sexual interests and now I'm just questioning everything.

    After a lot of reassurance and talking, Ralph let me look at his genitals which I hadn't really seen since before puberty, which he started at 11. He has what looks like normal hair, and his testes looked to be adult sized, and hung normally in my estimation. He has a treasure trail, shaves every few days, normal armpit hair and even some hair on his chest. To outward appearances, he seemed to be developing normally. When I looked at his penis though, I became really concerned though it took a lot of effort on my part not to look or act alarmed. We elected not to have Ralph circumcised (I am) so I'm not certain if uncircumcised boys just look different, but his penis was pulled very tightly against his abdomen. Ralph said it's always like that and I also noticed it seemed very narrow, not of normal girth. He is able to retract his foreskin normally and his glans looks normal but proportionate in size to the shaft. I did this all very quickly and I'm no doctor but it doesn't look like his penis has grown much, if at all, since he was a boy. When I asked Ralph about his erections he said he's measured it, "the way you're supposed to on the top," and he said he's just about 3.5 inches erect. He also says he can ejaculate. i promised my son not to say anything to his mother and left him pleading with me to find someone who can help him. My biggest fear is that there isn't anything that can be done. I looked-up all kinds of things about micropenis but he seems to be larger than what the websites say is true micropenis. My penis is of average size and my wife has never said anything about her family.

    I promised him I would find a doctor who can help him but I don't know what kind of doctor to go to. Do I need an adult or pediatric endocrinologist? Do I need a pediatric or adult urologist? A fertility specialist? A plastic surgeon? Right now I am just furious with his pediatrician who has never said anything about this because when I asked Ralph about his check-ups he says all the his doctor does is the turn-and-cough thing and asks if he can retract his foreskin. That' IT! Needless to say, we're going to find a new doctor for him.

    Sorry to take so long but I'm very unnerved. I never imagined I'd have to reassure my own son he's a man no matter how big his penis is. My heart is breaking for him.

  • sam

    take your son to see an endocrinologest who does his work in andrology. hormone treatment in adults don't do much for penis but hes still in teenage years so might be helping. also the boys grow until 19 or 21 so maybe hes not full grown yet but other things (hair and that) seem like he might be at end of sex developing. if no better changes from seeing doctor then help your boy to accept him self. hes not a micropenis but hard penis is small and can he get the complex about it if not good dealing with problem by parents. you talked good to him.

  • new rob

    To all interested.

    Although I am comfortable.. for the most part.. with my size.

    I am 3.5" full erect and have had successfull relationships. A friend refered me to a site that seems to cater to females transitioning to men. I asked if they would make me a penis inwhich I may insert my penis. Surprisingly they said yes. Anyhow the cost was a bit high however I would imagined it would be. this company asked me my size and sure enough, they made me a custom extender. I use it with my parter for a bit extra. During sex, I get a rush of excitment thinking of myself being larger.

    Anyhow, I though I would share this with you all. it take a bit geting use to it, but when you do, it may change your outlook. One thing is, I am starting to feel like I should always wear it.. Not sure it should.. the site is lolajake.com

    -R

  • Kingsly

    Hi all,

    I am from India. I am 29, six footer, and have a below average penis i.e., 5" when erected and just 2" when flaccid. But I have been with many girls, had sexual relationship with many, including prostitutes and married ladies. Many of them told me that I have small but they all accepted that I can hump more than thier "Big guys".

    Since the size is small I get erected very fast and its very hard (like a iron rod) when erected. SHORT MATERIAL IS ALWAYS STRONGER. (Try breaking a big and small sticks - find which is stronger and harder). In fact I can hump atleast 6 times a day (Trust me!). Technically speaking blood circulation is very fast since it is small. But I 've heard from my BIG friends that they have trouble to get erection, sometime comes before erection..and they couldn't ejaculate more than once.

    I am married with confidence and everything is perfect as I expected. We have lot of sexulal positions to try with. Particularly when I try with the rear-entry I feel I have a huge one like a porn star. So I advice you guys not to worry about the size at all. So enjoy play with your penis and your girl friend! Remember that this is what we are given, can't be manipulated. So love it and enjoy the life as I do!

  • Anonymous-9

    Well I am one of you guys. Been teased for having a small penis since the age of 10. Friends and even my older brother teased me. They even provided me with a wonderful name.. They called me PEEWEE. LOL Its funny now in someways, but this have tormented me for the past 22 years and going. Whats worse is that I am 6'3, Atlethic, Goodlooking(This is what many people say). Another thing is that I have bitch tits which complicated the situation even more.

    I often pondered on what I could have accomplished if I had the confidence that comes with having a normal size penis. Some are as follows:

    Professional Atlethic - Very atlethic, but quit sports due to small penis and bitch titsNavy Pilot: Was very interested in becoming a pilot, but my depression and low-self esteem as a result of my small member and bitch tits stopped that dream dead in its track.Professional model and actor: I did some modeling in hollywood, but again the lack of confidence and depression squelched my dreams.

    Although I have had some sexual relationship with a few women I believe I could have had more and better looking ones. Infact, I have been single for about 9 years now. And before that, during my younger years, I never had a girlfriend. My first real girlfriend was when I was in Japan in the military. That relationship lasted about a year. She was a 3 on a 10 scale.

    Anyhow, currently I live by myself and I have a hard time approaching girls NOT because I am shy,but because:

    My small penisDepressionPersonality disorder

    Many people are suprise why I am single. They say I am a stud. If they only new...... LOL

    p.s. My erect penis is about 5 inches and skinny.

  • mike

    i know this a difficult issue as i have to go through it myself but i really dont think self loathing is the way to go in the end it gets you absolutely nowhere the only way to deal with this problem is head up yes there is potential for rejection but you just have to be a man about it show some self respect no woman wants a man who wallows in self doubt women want a man who is comfortable in their own skin reguardless of his flaws people forget that a relationship goes both ways whether its purely phisical or serious both people should be accounted for by saying no woman will want me because i have a small penis your giving the woman total control of the relationship why should she have the final say is she the only one in the relationship are you not also a part of the equation you need to have attitude that you deserve better because honestly at the end day of the you have to live with yourself dont let anything hold you back learn to love yourself and dont let anyone disrespect you people respect those who respect themselves its your choice no one elses

  • Anonymous-10

    but how do ya respect yerself when no other sod does?????

    seriously how???

    Editor's Note: If you're up for it, I encourage you to listen to the recent podcast interview with Lorna Smith Benjamin, Ph.D. who talks about her system for understanding social behavior called SASB. Read my essay about the podcast first, becuase it will help to explain the concepts she talks about in advance of hearing them for the first time - this will (hopefully) make it easier to understand.

    Self-concept, as understood through the lens of SASB has several dimensions which help to clarify why it can be hard to have self-respect. Importantly, you can distinguish between your own perspective and thoughts about yourself, and those of the "introject", which is a representation of how other people perceive you that develops in your mind as you interact with people. Many times, people start to identify with the introject and see the world through that lens to in effect see yourself through the eyes of other people, and not through your own eyes. You can't have self-repect when you don't know how to look through your own eyes.

    Over-identification with an introject is not easy to resolve, but there are ways that have been developed to help people do just that. One of them is very ancient and also very modern at the same time - it is called meditation, or mindfulness meditation, and it is a set of techniques designed to help people detach from over-identifications and become more able to passively watch their inner experience rather than frantically react to it. If you want a method for helping yourself self develop better self-respect, you could do far worse than to pursue learning how to meditate.

  • Anonymous-11

    it all depends on the degree of affliction

    this site is all about helping those with a syndrome

    if you have a normal size (6-7) then you stop watching porn and beleive that girls will respect and fancy you.

    some like large men but by no means all.

    if you have a physical condition with actual size you need different help and shoulodnt be on a 'syndrome site'

    so stop berating the staff here over and over when they fail to deliver a magic solution. They never promised to do so and the opening inro is perfectly clear.

  • Anonymous-12

    if you have a physical condition with actual size you need different help and shoulodnt be on a 'syndrome site'

    I agree that

  • kunal

    7 years ago when i was 20, I had sexual relationship with my first girlfriend. It lasted for one year.

    I had to go abroad for study, i left her. when i am back, She is married now and have 2 children.

    now again i am having sex with her, She calls me and ask for sex. i agree, and (have sex with) her at least once a week and 4-5 times a night.

    when i was in uk, I did dot make long term relation with any of my sex-partners. no one comment on my penis and i did not ask. I make nights wiht One girl for about six months, she had asked me to marry but i felt uneasy and leave her. i was afraid that i have small penis and she would leave me.

    I am an indian, I have 4.5 inch penis. when i was 19, i know it was far smaller than that i have today, i used to masturbate with two fingures.

    These days i surf internet a lot and read about penis sizes. I am very afraid and feel bad. I had never thought about my body in such a way.

    I can not marry my first girlfriend, she has kids,
    i did not marry my lover in uk(she had asked me thousand times)

    now, I am unabale to think properly about my marriage life and future wife, what if she had (sex with men) with bigger cocks in the past? what if found some else big coc*s after marriage? and so on...

    friends help me. specially any girls please suggest me.

  • Dickie

    Dear Kunal

    You have answered your own question and are the perfect example of how a man's own perception can be destructive.

    You say that you weren't the least bit worried about your penis size before and had two satisfying sexual relationships. Then you became aware that your penis is on the smaller side of AVERAGE and began to doubt yourself. Despite the fact that a previous lover (now married) keeps wanting sex with you and another woman repeatedly asked you to marry her, you are insecure. Obviously both these women were very happy with you and your penis. What more proof do you need that your dick is "good enough"? Remember that the average penis (erect) is NOT 6-7 inches but rather 5-6 inches as has been proven repeatedly. Something like 90% of all men are 7 inches OR SMALLER. Stop worrying, find a single girl and have fun!

  • rajesh

    i am 24 my problem small penis help and advice medicine

    i hisitate to meet docter

  • Anonymous-13

    I enjoyed the article very much. I have micro-penis it is less than 2 inches erect. It has pretty much ruined my life. I have never had a girlfriend or even been kissed and I am almost 37. In todays world of F-buddies and easy to get casual sex I can see why any guy who is not hung feels low. It does not help that the media loves to poke fun at us small guys. Even kids movie like the first Shrek had a small penis joke in it for gods sake. It does not just apply to the media. Most people are just ruthless to guys with a small penis. I guess small guys are the only socially acceptable target left in todays politically correct world.

    I do hope you guys who are average or larger can get the help you need to feel better.

  • David

    Dear Sir

    Thank you for your post as it was an eye-opener. I am sorry to hear that you have not had any relationships but I must say that judging by your post, you must be a special individual. I say this because, despite your own personal concerns, you are considering the plight of others and hoping they gain insight into their own situation. I would propose that your genuineness, your apparent care for the wellbeing of others and your intelligence (implied from your writing style and insight) would be within the Top 5 qualities women are looking for in a romantic partner (as opposed to a one night stand). What I'm trying to say is that I suspect that alot of women are looking for exactly that type of man, irrespective of his penis size. I think you have alot more to offer women than you realise and I hope that, someday, you give it a try. Good luck and thank you again, you provided a new perspective to this issue.

  • Anonymous-14

    thats gotta be totla fantsasy

    i went to the sex guru health site which is spoosed to be really respected and stuff

    and like the experts says 5 is fine blah alah, then you can click this survey of ppl on the street

    and like all the girls say 7 or even 8 is medium!!! but all the guys say 5-6 "cos they read it somewhere"

    they cant all be right!! sombodies lying somewhere!!!!

  • Anonymous-15

    So, I've come to these types of sites (focused on small penises) maybe 4 or 5 times in the last decade or so. I come here when I'm feeling particularly low about my penis size. Each time I visit, I feel this incredible sadness that a bunch of people who deserve every bit of happiness and self-love as anybody else on the planet all seem to hate themselves and say how they need help or are never going to get any girl because their penis is too small. I'm sad at how envious everyone seems to be of others' larger penises. I don't know what it was about this time, but I've finally decided to write something. Maybe it's because I feel like I've sunk lower than I ever have before, but I feel SO sick of it. I'm tired of obsessing over one simple aspect of who I am as a man.

    This comment is mainly addressed to those of you who truly feel bad about your penis size, and in particular, those of you who've never (or almost never) had a relationship. I mainly wanted to describe my successes. I also want to point out that I can tend to obsess quite extremely about how small my penis is. In the process, I'm hoping that you can see just how ridiculous my own self-perception is. That is, how can I have had the successes I've had, yet still feel so bad? And I hope you truly believe my answer--it's NOT actually due to the fact that my penis is small. It IS small, sure, but to have had the success I've had and yet still be obsessed with my size is just ridiculous. I know this in my head, but I still don't feel it in my heart. I feel that there are many of you out there who still don't even know it in your heads. This is for you. Hopefully, this can help you overcome.

    Okay, so, I'm sure that those of you who feel the worst about yourselves are hoping that I say something like, "My penis is about 3" erect, and 3.5" in circumference." Basically, you probably won't feel any better about yourselves unless my penis is smaller than yours. Well, that's NOT my penis size, and I'm not going to tell you its size because I think that just feeds into the very mentality that has caused us such grief over our penis size--that is, while size certainly does matter, it is NOT the only important thing in what makes you a worthy individual, boyfriend, or even lover in bed! On top of that, you don't even know HOW size matters! I certainly don't.

    I DO know from my few experiences what the women in my life have told me. My first two experiences were terrible. My first girlfriend and I were pretty serious. But, we were both virgins and completely incompetent as far as intercourse. On the other hand, we both made each other orgasm SO many times through masturbation mainly. In a way, our sex life was great, but I had serious issues with my penis and its size. The next woman, I didn't even have sex with. We met while I was doing this summer work abroad program at EuroDisney in France. No joke! I was still way too nervous and once it came time to put on the condom in the dark (she was afraid to show her body, I was afraid my penis was inadequate...bad combination), I was unable to keep it up and had to tell her that I just couldn't go through with it. This woman deserves a bit more mention because she comes up again later in my life. She explained to me that she'd only had bad experiences with men (and very little sexual experience), but that she could tell as soon as she met me that I was this wonderful, sensitive, caring man. Hey, maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but we'd known each other literally for THREE days before she told me that she was in love with me. That was actually the main reason we never got another chance to have sex during my stay in France--all I wanted was sex, and my conscience would not allow me to totally exploit her feelings.

    After these women, the next woman was a nymphette psychology student in San Francisco. We met online, believe it or not. The first night I hung out with her (just for dinner), we went back to her place and she gave me a BJ. She told me we could have sex, if I wanted, but I said, no, what we're doing now is fine. Truth is, I wanted to, but I was too nervous. NEVER had anything like this even come close to happening in my life! I was totally blown away that, if I wanted it to be, I could have made this a one-night stand! I was, as any 22 year old male would be, quite proud and excited! The thing about this woman was that she'd had LOTS of partners. She told me straight up (in fact, she advertised this in her online ad), that she was seeking people with smaller penises. She said that she really did not like larger ones, and while she was not opposed to doing sexual things with men with larger penises, she would NOT allow them to enter her! I was also blown away by this. Instead of going the one-night stand route, we basically became each others' booty calls for a short period. I credit her almost entirely for completely opening my eyes to sex. Before, it was all about stress and performance. With her, it was JUST for fun! We would have intercourse (finally, I was able to keep it up even while reaching for a condom!), I'd cum, and 15 minutes later she would say, "AGAIN!" I'd say, "Oh my god! I can't!" Honestly, I used to masturbate so much, that my penis was a bit desensitized! lol It's ridiculous, but true. Anyway, I didn't tell her that. I just said, "No! I can't!" And she'd just laugh and cuddle me. I was, as I've said probably too many times now, blown away.

    Later, I had my second serious relationship. This woman had not had a ton of experience, but she'd been with two guys for somewhat extended periods, and so had had a lot more sex than I had. She told me near the very beginning of our dating that her previous two boyfriends had had larger than average penises (one was around 6.5" and the other was just over 7"). Somehow, especially due to my experience with the nymphette of San Francisco, I was able to just shrug this off. I thought to myself, "I might not be as big as she'd like, but I'm sure that I can please her in other ways at least." Still, I was not totally comfortable with my size, especially considering her past two boyfriends, so I told her that I was smaller than average. I even suggested that we both just be naked in front of each other before ever having sex, just so that we get comfortable being naked in front of each other. She LOVED the idea. She and I had a GREAT time sexually. She told me, "Why would you EVER want to date someone who will judge you on your penis size? There is so much more to sex, let alone the RELATIONSHIP, than penis size!" Apparently, while my penis satisfied her just fine, my ability to stimulate her G-spot (something that not all women like, or even have, and which I understand is still a debated topic as to whether or not it even exists!) and her breasts were something she never experienced before! I mean, how good would that make a man feel?! It made me feel great! But that eventually ended, and that's been my last real relationship.

    I did, however, hook up again with that French woman from EuroDisney a few years back. This was EIGHT years in the waiting! She'd had three kids in the interim! We both hooked up knowing it was really just a booty call. I was anxious. While my last relationship experience was good, and the sex was even better, I still felt inadequate about my size. I wondered, "Geez, am I even going to be able to get off, considering her vagina has gone through THREE childberths?! Is she even going to be able to feel me?!" Amazingly, heck yes I was able to feel her and vice versa! Maybe it was because at this point, my masturbating was not quite as ridiculously rampant as it was in my late teens through mid-twenties, but I was able to cum through intercourse some three times within 24-hour period, something I was never able to do before! In fact, it was TOO easy to cum. I'm afraid I didn't satisfy her nearly as much as I was used to doing (from my last relationship) because I came way too fast! However, while this last situation was not as much of a victory for me sexually (well, except that I shattered that myth that a woman who'd gone through childberth would be too loose for me to feel), there is an important lesson. While she knew there was no way I was going to stay in France for her, she still really liked me and I'm in touch with her to this day. And how she feels about me (even though I think it's a bit delusional to hold out hope for 8 years) obviously has nothing to do with my penis size.

    So, what the heck, right? Really long comment, I know. I didn't mention it before, but I'm a short Asian male, and all of the women above have been fairly good-looking white women, except for the French woman, who was a cute black woman. So, these are really huge "successes" if you will, and still, I find myself possibly feeling the worst about my abitilites to meet women and please them with my tiny penis than I've ever felt!

    I realize that a lot of it has to do with the heartbreak I've gone through in the last 5 years or so after the breakup with my last girlfriend, and the many failed attempts since then with other women. But, the way I think this has been the worst for me is NOT that I instantly upon breaking up started feeling like my penis was microscopic and that I could never meet another woman, but rather, I've been anti-social due to the break ups and have let my negative feelings about myself escalate to the point they are now. I haven't been in touch with normal human interaction! I think that if this article has ANYTHING important in it, it's to GET OUT THERE!! You know, people start becoming weird when they isolate themselves from the rest of society. I personally have started to experience stronger and stronger social anxiety type issues, and now that I have health insurance, you can bet that the first thing I'm going to do is check myself into some psychological counselor's practice! LOL Shoot, but it's true. And it's because, despite all that I've experienced, somehow I've allowed my penis size to define me!!! That's outrageous! I've somehow forgotten (not consciously, obviously, but deep down within me) the thing that allowed me to have such great experiences from my SF nymphette and forward--I totally relied on everything in my arsenal ASIDE from my penis size and was able to muster the confidence that they would ENJOY themselves. When I was with the nymphette, I'd had almost no intercourse experience, but I'd had plenty of masturbating experience and playing with breasts. I relied on that. When it came time to have intercourse, I just trusted that it would work. When it did, and she gave me positive feedback, I took that to the next relationship.

    There's another thing that I used to believe more than I do now--I'm a genuine, nice, caring and honest person. I therefore MEET honest, good people. It makes sense then that my girlfriends would be honest and good people. I think, "Well, if they are good people, and I'm honest to them about my anxieties, we'll get through it just fine!" I've always been VERY open about my sexual anxieties. And you know what? You find out that the woman has a few of her own! You can both laugh at each other and at yourselves, and you can start letting go of that bulls**t and instead start to have FUN! For those of us with shorter or skinnier penises, sure, it won't be everything that a 9" long dong would be, but then again, a 9" long dong is not everything that a 4" long dong is. They are just different, just as every individual is different. Learn some tricks--learn them by TALKING to her. Find out what she likes. And then focus on having fun as you please each other. Shit, man, I gotta start taking my own advice!! lol