Question:
Anne, I am in a relationship with a man that I am living with. We have been together for 6 years. I want to get married at this point. However, when I start to talk to him about this he shuts down on me. I recently quit my job and went to law school. My head tells me to leave him. My heart tells me he will come around – either way I am tried of being put off. I want to leave him, however, so far I have not had the strength. What do you suggest?
Ad
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Ad
Ad
Answer:
6 years is a long time to be in a stagnant relationship, but you shouldn’t feel alone. I’ve known many women in your situation. As far as I can tell, there is no specific explanation for men who are hesitant to propose. No matter what your boyfriend’s reasons are, don’t blame yourself. He hasn’t proposed because he is not yet ready. It has been my experience that these men do not suddenly have a revelation, and run out to buy an engagement ring. His attitude about marriage will not change over night. Six years will quickly turn into seven, and before you know it seven will turn into eight. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to leave. If you’ve tried talking to him about this, then you’ve done all you can do. You can’t force him to want to get married. Does he just shut down whenever he is in disagreement with something? He could at least consider your feelings and hear you out during one of these attempted discussions. It sounds as though the two of you are at different points in your lives. If you are ready to move on with your life, then I say do it. I’m sure you will discover that you are stronger than you think! Best of luck to you, – Anne
Ad
- Ask Anne
More "Ask Anne" View Columnists
Ad
Ad
Ad
Ad
