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Never Had A Boyfriend

Question:

I am currently 21 years of age and I have never officially had a boyfriend in my entire life. Me and my friends are stumped about this. I am attractive and have a great personality. Some of the guy friends that I have had in the past have tried to well frankly put get in my pants and I have always discouraged them after that. Its like the only thing they want from me is to get in my pants and thats it. I have never been asked out on a date, yet everyone tells me that I am so nice and have a great sense of humor. What I don’t understand is what is wrong with me that guys don’t seem interested in dating me. Could you please help me? This has been plaguing me since well high school. I would really appreciate it.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

While most men (and women for that matter) are highly motivated by desire for sex, some are able to go beyond that basic desire and form intimate relationships that include sex but aren’t limited by it, while others are not. This is especially true with young men (and women), as they are inexperienced, juiced on puberty hormones and the vigor of youth and have in many cases not yet realized that sex in the context of love is a far better thing than just plain old sex. It doesn’t sound like you’re lacking for opportunities actually, if you are turning male attention down on a regular basis. Rather, you are holding yourself (and your suitors) to a high standard, and it seems that many of these boys are not seeing that they’ll get a good return on investment if they hang around while you discourage them. The high road can be a lonely road. There are boys out there who want what you want, but perhaps you’re not noticing them, or hanging around them or encouraging them to approach you. They might be more shy types, for one thing. They might also lack courage to approach you (especially if you are usually socially engaged with girlfriends). Are you open to such men, or are you only making yourself available to more shallow-but-bold types? Take some time to think this question through please: Sometimes we act in ways that are against what we really want to achieve simply because we lack the courage of our convictions, or the creativity to see solutions that haven’t been handed to us on a platter. Are you passively waiting around for men to approach you or are you taking charge of your situation by actively searching out the type of boy who would be healthy for you to become involved with? Where do you meet guys, for example? At a bar or party where people are looking to “see and be seen” — or in some sort of setting (like a club, volunteer group, religious group, etc.) where you’re likely to meet someone who actually shares your interests? Have you thought about using the Internet to meet men? Be creative and active, is what I’m saying, and don’t be in a rush. Take my word for it. You do not want to be in a relationship just because you feel like a loser without one. Being in a bad relationship is about a million times worse than being without one. And don’t worry about it. This will work out in time.

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