I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend for more than 3 years. He still has his ex’s photos and refuses to remove them. They were with each other for 5 years. He says that he doesn’t have any feeling about her or her pictures but these photos have to be saved because they are his memories and remind him of his past. He also mentions that I will never see them but maybe, after 20 years or so, we will check them together and laugh. I say why shoud he have these photos of being in each others arms, hugging or kissing each other or their portraits. I can’t undrestand it.
Please help me…Ad
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
To be honest, I cannot understand it either. I do know that you are not alone with this problem. Some people actually keep in touch with their ex lovers through facebook, telephone and even meeting together. Research shows that these behaviors weaken relationships and lead to their destruction.
What you need to understand is that there is nothing wrong with you. Everyone has past relationships. However, for lovers to feel confidence and trust in one another, they need to know that the past is over and done. How can you feel confident about your boyfriend if he holds onto photos of his ex girlfriend? You cannot.
Sometimes people keep old photos or maintain contact with their ex because they are unhappy with their present lover. It’s usually the most recent ex that attracts their attention. There is an old saying that you should never get involved with someone who is rebounding from a failed relationship. Other times, people cannot let go of the feelings they had for their previous lover. This does not bode well for the success of the next relationship.
Painful as this might be, you may have to give your boyfriend the choice of you or the pictures. I doubt that you will ever look back on the photos in the future with a laugh. It’s not a laughing matter.
Therapists are Standing By to Treat Your Depression, Anxiety or Other Mental Health Needs
Designed to Help You Feel Better Daily
Download Now For Free