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Screaming And Cursing Husband

Question:

My husband becomes angry to the point of screaming and cursing when I or the kids leave a dirty dish in the family room, papers left in my car, anything that isn’t in the proper place. Etc. I am a excellent housekeeper, and resent his behavior over these minor things.. Is this a mental problem? I can’t believe anyone in there right mind would make such a fuss over such trivial stuff. There is mental illness in his family. I have begged him to see a dr. but he denies there is anything wrong with him. There is no in between, he is either easy going or angry enough to break up our home. I am constantly walking on egg shells to keep from setting him off. Can you give me any insight into what his problem could be? I am at my wits end. Appreciate any advice you may have.

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Answer:

The behavior you describe is rigid and upsetting, but whether or not it is a mental illness I will leave to mental health experts. Walking on eggshells is a horrible way to live. Hopefully there is no physical violence. Verbal violence is bad enough. Have you two considered marital therapy before? It would seem right up your alley. You’ve got complaints that your husband won’t take seriously. You are probably both angry with each other, or at least you are angry with him. You need a place where you can talk to one another with a traffic cop in the room to keep you both from going off inappropriately. A good marital therapist will perform this function for you, and maybe can also get you both moving towards a better place. If your husband isn’t willing to do anything to take care of the relationship, then the next question is one for you: “Is it worth it to stay with him?”.

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Comments
  • Paul from California

    I ended a difficult 20 marriage two 1/2 years ago because my wife had unresolved anger problems. I think she used anger as a tool for empowerment and to avoid feelings of vulnerability. She refused meaningful counseling and was very self-righteous. As I feared, she prolonged an onerous divorce process. Nine months after separation, our two yongest children left her to live w/ me. She still frequently bad-mouths me to the the children. My oldest (21 and away at college) has taken her side, so the family is truly split up. Thankfully I am away from her tirades and constant upset feelings. My health has improved and things are better each day. She never used physical violence, but emotional pain cuts just as deep. My mistake was to marry her without knowing her parents or family background. When young people date, everything is pretty much hunky-dory so I didn't examine how she handled the difficult situations that happen in life. She is from back East, and her sisters have been completely estranged from her since before we met. I was naive and thought if I was a good guy, then things would work out. Boy was I wrong! Now, I have a broken family, and daughters whose personalities leans toward their mother's. I hope other couples learn from my pain. Paul

  • Lisa

    Anne i am in the same situation as you and am currently debating whether or not to leave my husband. We have been together for 10 years and for 10 years I have begged and pleaded with my husband to stop yelling at me.

    He is either extremely laid back or off his head screaming, there is never any inbetween. I am not fearful that he will be violent but the outbursts are hard to bare as I never know what I will do to trigger them off.

    It is an awlful situation to be in and I understand where you're coming from. No one, regardless of what they do or dont do deserves to be spoken to in that way. It is volatile and completely unacceptable.

    Good luck.

  • Anonymous-1

    My husband can be the nicest guy on earth, but once you correct him, that's it! He can yell & curse so much and i would beg for him to stop & the more he'd do it. He does not believe me that is not normal and my love for him is going away. then he get better & sweet like nothing happened but i'm the one that suffers and i cannot take it off my head. I want to leave him but there are kids (very young) involve.

  • Anonymous-2

    From the way you described things, you make it sound like

    it was all her problem.

  • cindy

    I have been married for 45 years to an angry man. So tired of walking on eggshells. I love him but don't like his behavior. I'm on social security and recently had to file bancruptcy. Hope to free up finances to see if I can manage a move. Any help?

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